The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/category/podcast/ 12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using. Thu, 16 Aug 2018 11:42:45 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8 http://therecoveryshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/cropped-moth-32x32.png The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/category/podcast/ 32 32 12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using. The Recovery Show The Recovery Show spencer@therecoveryshow.com spencer@therecoveryshow.com (The Recovery Show) Copyright © The Recovery Show 2013 12-step recovery for those of us who live or have lived with alcoholism or addiction. The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/moth-icon-144.png http://therecoveryshow.com/category/podcast/ spencer@therecoveryshow.com Tom – His sister needed Al-Anon – Episode 256 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/#respond Thu, 16 Aug 2018 11:42:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4244 Tom grew up in a loving, chaotic family. As an adult, he found recovery for his alcoholism, but didn't know how to cope with the alcoholics around him. It wasn't until he decided that his sister needed Al-Anon, that he started attending regularly, and carrying the message back to her. Eventually, he started to see … Continue reading "Tom – His sister needed Al-Anon – Episode 256"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/feed/ 0 Tom grew up in a loving, chaotic family. As an adult, he found recovery for his alcoholism, but didn't know how to cope with the alcoholics around him. It wasn't until he decided that his sister needed Al-Anon, that he started attending regularly, Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
Tom read from

* Courage to Change, March 14, p. 74.
* How Al-Anon Works, pp. 45-46

He also mentioned the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, Blueprint for Progress.

Music from the show
Coldplay: Fix You

Paul Simon: Still Crazy after all these Years

 
 
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The Recovery Show 256 1:21:58
Speaker: Ann Marie R – Episode 255 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/#comments Tue, 07 Aug 2018 01:48:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4241 This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.  

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/feed/ 1 This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 255 1:05:58
Parents of teen alcoholics and addicts – Episode 254 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/#respond Sun, 29 Jul 2018 12:21:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4235 How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help? Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, and how they navigated their difficulties, fears, and hopes. Our discussion was grounded … Continue reading "Parents of teen alcoholics and addicts – Episode 254"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/feed/ 0 How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help? Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help?
Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, and how they navigated their difficulties, fears, and hopes.
Our discussion was grounded in these questions:

* When/how did you become aware of your child’s behavior?
* Were you in Al-Anon at that point?
* How long did you struggle before you found Al-Anon?
* When were you able to admit that your child was an alcoholic or addict? What brought you to that understanding?
* What were some of the program tools and principles you used first?
* What were the hardest tools to apply?
* Did you feel that, as a parent, you needed to help or fix your child?
* What did you do to help/fix?
* Did you feel responsible for their behavior?
* What is the one thing you would say to a parent who is new to Al-Anon?

Readings
We read from or talked about this Al-Anon literature:
Courage to Change, February 17, “faith takes practice”.
How Al-Anon Works, p. 30, “don't pick up the rope”.
From Survival to Recovery, p. 267-268, the “Al-Anon promises”.
Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships, a new book from Al-Anon in which members share their challenges with all aspects of intimacy–physical, emotional and spiritual–in all relationships affected by the family illness of alcoholism.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
The Original Five Blind Boys of Mississippi: Leave you in the Hands of the Lord

Dave Brubeck: Take Five

The Beatles: Let it Be

 
 
 
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The Recovery Show 254 1:25:39
Denial and Acceptance – Episode 253 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/#comments Thu, 05 Jul 2018 14:58:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4221 Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance? What is it? Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial? Definition from Merriam-Webster: psychology : a defense mechanism in which confrontation with … Continue reading "Denial and Acceptance – Episode 253"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/feed/ 2 Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance? What is it? Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial? Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance?

* What is it?

* Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial?
* Definition from Merriam-Webster:

* psychology : a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality
* — in denial: refusing to admit the truth or reality of something unpleasant; a patient in denial about his health problems


* Withholding from someone else but more especially from ourselves


* How did we experience it in our lives?

* In our alcoholic situations.
* With aging parents.
* With our own health.


* What it the relationship between denial and admitting?

* We probably have some form of awareness of a problem in order to deny it
* We must admit a problem exists to start to move out of denial.


* What tools have we found to combat it?

* “3 As”: awareness, acceptance, (alternatives,) action.
* The Steps themselves.
* Self-awareness (Steps 4 and 10)
* Listening to my inner voice / gut
* Support of a Higher Power (Steps 2, 3, 6, 7, 11)
* Honesty and Courage
* Compassion


* How is our life better when we accept reality on its own terms?

* Serenity
* Freedom
* Accurate perception of myself, becoming the person I want to be
* Catch slips earlier
* Loss of fear



Readings on denial
How Alanon Works, Chapter Five, Pages 21 and 22
Hope for Today – pages 123 and 138 (May 2, May 17)
“Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” From Survival to Recovery page 267, The Promises of Alanon – in Chapter “Joy is our Birthright”
Join our conversation
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Anna Graceman: Living in Denial

DiamondLyn: Self-Awareness Rap (to the music of Lauryn Hill’s Lost One)

Pam Tillis: Cleopatra, Queen of Denial
 
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The Recovery Show 253 1:35:29
Spencer on Sober Speak – Episode 252 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/#comments Mon, 25 Jun 2018 22:52:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4217 Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, strength, and hope centered around the 12 steps of AA. Of course, he was … Continue reading "Spencer on Sober Speak – Episode 252"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/feed/ 1 Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, strength, and hope centered around the 12 steps of AA. Of course, he was telling his Al-Anon story.
John M created Sober Speak because he saw a need. Each episode features one guest telling his or her story, so it's sort of like a series of speaker talks, but in a conversational format.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:25:32
Spirit in Action Interview – Episode 251 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/#comments Tue, 12 Jun 2018 02:48:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4212 Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. We will trace the spiritual roots that support and nourish them in their service. Above all, we will seek out Light, … Continue reading "Spirit in Action Interview – Episode 251"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/feed/ 1 Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. We will trace the spiritual roots that support and nourish them in their service. Above all, we will seek out Light, Love and Helping Hands, being shared between our many neighbors on this planet, hoping to inspire and encourage you to sink deep roots and produce sacred fruit in your own life.
We talked about how I came to Al-Anon, about how the podcast came to be, and about how we provide healing to people affected by the disease of alcoholism and addiction.
You can listen to Spencer's interview on their website or by subscribing to their podcast.
 
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The Recovery Show 251 22:08
Tom W talk – Episode 250 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/#comments Tue, 05 Jun 2018 02:32:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4208 This talk by Tom W, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous had so much recovery wisdom, I felt compelled to share it with you. I've heard it a few times already and every time, I get new insights. I was astounded to hear that a priest had trouble with Steps 2 and 3. And, his description … Continue reading "Tom W talk – Episode 250"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/feed/ 1 This talk by Tom W, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous had so much recovery wisdom, I felt compelled to share it with you. I've heard it a few times already and every time, I get new insights. I was astounded to hear that a priest had trouble with Steps ... Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 250 1:19:37
Force and Power – Episode 249 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/#comments Tue, 29 May 2018 04:35:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4203 How have you given away your power? Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions? How can you recover your personal power? Definitions Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, make (someone) do something against their will Power: the capacity or ability to direct or influence the … Continue reading "Force and Power – Episode 249"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/feed/ 1 How have you given away your power? Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions? How can you recover your personal power? Definitions Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, How have you given away your power?
Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions?
How can you recover your personal power?

* Definitions

* Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, make (someone) do something against their will
* Power: the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events
* Powerful: sturdy, influential, strong, compelling


* How we give away our power?

* Enabling
* Saying yes when we mean no
* Avoiding confrontation
* Feeling resentment, bitterness, anger, shame
* Fighting / taking the bait / picking up the rope
* Denial
* Losing track of what is acceptable
* Not setting boundaries or not keeping them
* Apologizing for things that weren’t ours to keep the peace


* Forcing (solutions)

* March 8, Courage to Change – Easy does it
* Force is the antithesis of recovery
* Trying to control drinking
* Punishing
* Hollow/idle threats
* Impossible ultimatums
* Working the program “hard”?
* Tom W said “I don’t believe ‘it works if you work it’. I believe it works if you let it.”


* How do we recover our power?

* The power we were born with to live our lives with peace and serenity
* Asking my higher power for help
* Al-anon Welcome: “… we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.”
* How Al-Anon Works, chapter 16 “A Nun finds Spiritual Peace”
* Use the tools of the program
* Slogan: Easy does it
* Let go and let God
* “I don’t know.”
* Detaching with love
* Setting healthy boundaries
* Saying “no”
* Saying what we mean without saying it meanly
* Neutral responses (see page image below)
* Understanding consequences (mine and not mine)
* Changing the way I think is real power.



Upcoming topics include parenting a child who is an alcoholic or addict. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Linkin Park: Powerless

John Mayer: Gravity

Kenny Loggins: I'm Alright


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The Recovery Show 249 1:14:06
Love, Relationships, and Step 6 – Episode 248 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/#respond Tue, 22 May 2018 05:27:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4193 What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything? Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, I’m going to have to talk about some books and … Continue reading "Love, Relationships, and Step 6 – Episode 248"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/feed/ 0 What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything? Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything?
Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, I’m going to have to talk about some books and concepts that are not part of the Al-Anon program, but that have meaning to me.
Friday night, my wife and I went to a workshop at our church on the “5 Love Languages.” It’s based on a series of books with that title. The basic idea is that there are different ways in which we feel loved. That some ways are more important to us than others. That we most often express love in the ways that we want to receive it. That our partners way of feeling loved is probably not the same as ours. And finally that if we don’t understand the way in which our partner feels most loved, it may weaken or destroy our relationship.
I had first encountered the 5 love languages several years ago when a friend in the program loaned me a copy of the book. At that time I was struggling with rebuilding my relationship with my wife, which had been severely damaged by her alcoholism. She had been sober for over 5 years, and I had been in Al-Anon about 10. As our book How Al-Anon Works says in the discussion of Step 1 (“We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable”), “Al-Anon does not promise … that sobriety will solve our problems or fix our relationships”. I read the book cover to cover, and came to a couple of realizations.
I’m going to come at those realizations from the loss or pain that brought me to them specifically. As a friend said in the workshop on Friday, paraphrasing from the book, it can help to think about where you most feel loss or pain in your relationship(s), when you are trying to decide which love language is most important to you.
And maybe I should talk about what those 5 languages are! Again, these are the ways in which you feel loved: According to the book, they are

* Words of appreciation: these can include compliments; thanks and gratitude for things you do, say, or be; or maybe the 3 simple words “I love you.”
* Acts of service: when someone does something for you.
* Physical touch: a caress; a light touch on the shoulder; a pat on the back; a hug or kiss; or sexual intimacy.
* Quality time: doing things together; simple conversation; sharing thoughts, plans, fears.
* Receiving gifts.

On to the realizations…
Number one is small but important (to me): My wife would often ask me to do simple things, which I thought she could just as easily do for herself, such as picking up something from the drugstore. (And not because I was going there already.) I would feel annoyed that she didn’t just do it herself — why did she need to ask me? The book helped me to see that one of the important ways my wife feels love … as you probably already guessed … is through acts of service. When I saw that, my attitude and response to her simple requests changed “180”. I saw that she was really asking me “Do you love me?” After that, whenever she asked me to do an errand, I could hear “will you show me your love by doing this thing for me?” And I could lovingly respond, “Yes.” Thus healing a small emotional scar in me, and helping me to feel closer to her.
The biggie, though, hit me hard. At this time I had developed a close friendship with another Al-Anon member. We would share long phone calls and emails, talking about program, but also just about our lives, thoughts, and feelings. Looking back on it from the perspective of several years, I can see that I became needy, that I placed a lot of my serenity in the hands of this other person. Of course,]]>
The Recovery Show 248 34:56
Negative into Positive– Episode 247 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/#respond Tue, 15 May 2018 12:25:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4188 Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987. A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one. What have been your experience when what you thought was a negative became a positive?  Or vice-versa? … Continue reading "Negative into Positive– Episode 247"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/feed/ 0 Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987. A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one. Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987.
A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one.
What have been your experience when what you thought was a negative became a positive?  Or vice-versa?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
An anonymous listener recommended Record Boy by The Josephs.

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The Recovery Show 247 50:42
Why do a Moral Inventory? – Episode 246 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/#respond Tue, 08 May 2018 03:54:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4180 Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway? Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. His answers were written in 2002, 2011, and 2018. How have they changed (or not)? The questions … Continue reading "Why do a Moral Inventory? – Episode 246"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/feed/ 0 Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway? Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway?
Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. His answers were written in 2002, 2011, and 2018. How have they changed (or not)?
The questions are:

* Am I willing to look honestly at myself? What stands in my way?
* Have I sought help from my Higher Power, my sponsor, or other Al-Anon members?
* What suggestions have I tried to see if they might work?
* Do I understand the spiritual principle of an inventory?
* What do “searching” and “fearless” mean to me?
* What does “moral inventory” mean?

How would you answer these questions? Please share your thoughts. Call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Dessa: The Crow

Aretha Franklin: Look into your Heart

Shannon and the Clams: Onion

 
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The Recovery Show 246 39:22
Consequences – Episode 245 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/#respond Tue, 24 Apr 2018 12:49:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4172 Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others? con·se·quence ˈkänsikwəns noun a result or effect of an action or condition. synonyms: result, upshot, outcome, effect, repercussion, ramification, corollary, concomitant, aftermath, after effect; Setting Consequences I have to be … Continue reading "Consequences – Episode 245"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/feed/ 0 Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others? con·se·quence ˈkänsikwəns noun a result or effect of an action or condition. Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others?
con·se·quence

ˈkänsikwəns

noun

* a result or effect of an action or condition.

synonyms: result, upshot, outcome, effect, repercussion, ramification, corollary, concomitant, aftermath, after effect;

* Setting Consequences

* I have to be willing to enforce them.
* They should be realistic and relate to the behavior.
* They should impact the other person more than me!
* What is the difference between “threat” and “consequences”?
* When I set a boundary and consequences for violating that boundary, am I attempting to control or manipulate another’s behavior?


* Consequences of OTHER people’s behavior – Is NOT my business

* When I “do for others what they are capable of doing for themselves”, I set myself up as enabling, and deny them the natural consequences, good or bad, of their actions.  Resentment, disappointment, anger…
* When I try to instill consequences, punishment, discipline, I often exacerbate an issue and set myself up yet again, for resentment, disappointment, anger…
* A definition of “enabling” that I learned is “getting between someone and the consequences of their actions.” (see Courage to Change January 5, June 16)


* Consequences of MY behavior – IS my business

* When I take care of myself, …

* Feel better
* Act better
* Cope better


* When I do not take care of myself I…

* Blame
* Resent
* Slip into old behavior
* Get sick, angry, lonely, tired




* Mentioned or implied in several slogans including Live and Let Live, Let Go and Let God, One Day at a Time
* Related topics – CONTROL, ENABLING, RESENTMENT, DETACHMENT, BOUNDARIES

Resources
We read from at least some of these articles.

* Al-Anon faces Alcoholism
* Unacceptable behavior and consequences (forum thread)
* Natural Consequences (Psychology Today)
* How to set Healthy Boundaries with Alcoholics and Addicts
* Natural Consequences (forum thread)
* 50 Quotes on Consequences (Psychology Today)
* Consequences on Brainy Quotes

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Ringo Starr: The No No Song

TLC: Waterfalls

Camila Cabello

 
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The Recovery Show 245 1:21:01
Carl H Open Talk – Episode 244 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/#comments Tue, 17 Apr 2018 02:34:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4167 Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote, When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, CA given in Calgary, Canada in 2010. He is an excellent … Continue reading "Carl H Open Talk – Episode 244"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/feed/ 2 Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote, When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote,
When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, CA given in Calgary, Canada in 2010. He is an excellent speaker and addresses this topic head on concerning violence toward his alcoholic, in this case, his wife, as well as talking about how the program helped him heal in other relationships.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 244 1:06:13
Recovery with Young Children – Episode 243 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/#respond Tue, 10 Apr 2018 13:32:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4160 How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you? Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, touching on topics from the list below. What questions have your children asked you about Alcoholism/addiction? … Continue reading "Recovery with Young Children – Episode 243"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/feed/ 0 How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you? Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you?
Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, touching on topics from the list below.

* What questions have your children asked you about

* Alcoholism/addiction?
* Recovery?
* Meetings?
* Therapy? (“talk doctor”)
* Their father?
* Divorce?


* What have you said to them…?

* Mommy and Daddy’s first priority is to make sure that you are safe…
* It's never your fault when adults drink and act badly.


* How do you model recovery / healthy behavior for your children?

* Do they reflect it back?


* How do you communicate differently to different age children?
* What do you still struggle with in communicating to your children about alcoholism and recovery?
* What have you NOT told your children? Why?
* Do your children attend meetings?
* Would you bring your children to a meeting if it was the only way you could go?
* When did you need to put your recovery needs ahead of your children?
* Do you feel that you owe amends to your children?

* What for?
* (How) have you made amends?



Megan quoted from the Al-Anon Family Groups pamphlet, How Can I Help My Children?   
A listener asked about whether we have transcripts of the podcast. We don't. The best explanation I've found for why not is a blog post titled “The Dream of converting podcasts to text.
Upcoming topics include violence by the “Al-Anon”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Avett Brothers: When I Drink

Martina McBride: In my Daughter's Eyes

Crosby, Stills and Nash: Teach your Children

 
 
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The Recovery Show 243 1:27:14
Don’t React – Episode 242 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/#comments Mon, 02 Apr 2018 20:41:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4152 Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react? A listener wrote in with these questions. How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? How do others sit with uncomfortable feelings? How do I act on God's will … Continue reading "Don’t React – Episode 242"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react? A listener wrote in with these questions. How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react?
A listener wrote in with these questions.
How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? How do others sit with uncomfortable feelings? How do I act on God's will not my will? Letting time pass, a month or longer or a week or few days seems impossible when i am so anxious. How do you deal with that??
How also to know God's time as I'm a naturally impulsive person and have always done things fast. Any fear I have makes me say something I regret later or take action too soon, as i don't give myself enough time to write and meditate and breathe.

* My first thought is about the “Al-Anon pause button”. But then, the question is: “How do I remember to use it?”
* A couple of helpful slogans:

* “How important is it?” (Courage to Change, August 15)
* “First Things First” (How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 9)


* The thing: It takes practice!
* My experience with just about any “defect of character”

* First I become aware of it.
* Then, I notice it after I do it.
* After a while, I notice it while I’m doing it.
* Eventually, I’m able to notice when I’m about to do it.


* Don’t “kick myself” while I’m trying to learn a new way to be.
* Awareness, Acceptance, Action!
* How to “sit with it”. The reading from Courage to Change, January 10 about worry may be helpful.

Our topic for next week is talking to small children about recovery. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Brad Sucks: Overreacting

Norma Jean: Reaction

Astrid S: Think Before I Talk

A TED talk
I mentioned this TED talk in “my week in recovery”.

 
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The Recovery Show 242 30:36
Freedom – Episode 241 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/#respond Tue, 27 Mar 2018 00:25:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4143 What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery? Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline. Definition of freedom? Many definitions… Do I believe that freedom only comes from being in control of my life? What does it mean to me (now) that … Continue reading "Freedom – Episode 241"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/feed/ 0 What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery? Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline. Definition of freedom? Many definitions… Do I believe that freedom only comes from being ... What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery?
Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline.

* Definition of freedom? Many definitions…
* Do I believe that freedom only comes from being in control of my life?
* What does it mean to me (now) that “freedom can only come from acceptance”?
* The blog “Through an Al-Anon Filter” says

If I want peace, I must give my program away to others. If I want growth, I must give up my belief in my own “rightness.” If I want serenity, I must give up self-will, and be open to my Higher Power. If I want freedom, I must give up my need to control.



If I want real, lasting change, I must give up my safe misery.
* (How) do I understand this in my life?
* Concept Three 
The Right of Decision makes effective leadership possible.

* We have the right to decide, to make choices. This is a powerful idea and one that many of us may have lost sight of growing up in families that were dysfunctional.
* “When I began studying Concept Three, I found the answer. It wasn’t alcoholism that bothered me. It was someone taking away my right of decision.” Reaching for Personal Freedom p. 132


* What freedom(s) have I found in recovery?

* Free to live my life. I don’t have to follow the whims and wishes of my loved one (I can choose to do so, but I don’t have to.)
* Free to take care of myself (instead of my loved one).
* Free to grow.
* Free to laugh.
* Free to make choices.
* Free to know myself.
* Free to let go of the past (but not wish to shut the door on it).
* Free to find gratitude in the little (and the big) things, even when some part of my life sucks.
* I am becoming Free FROM;

* Despair
* Sadness
* Loneliness
* Isolation
* Anxiety
* Blame
* Resentments
* Feeling trapped
* Fear
* Anger
* Guilt
* Shame
* Dependence (on others)
* Expectations (of others)


* I am become FREE TO;

* Live and Let Live
* Let It Go
* Surrender without giving up
* Say No (and feel good about it)
* Detach, with love
* Set boundaries
* Allow consequences to happen
* Love, not need
* Walk away
* Feel, without fear
* Say what I mean
* Go slow
* Enjoy solitude
* Be happy
* Have choices
* Take risks
* To be wrong
* Trust
* Laugh more (Promise 12)


* Who knew!?  (as my sponsor said yesterday when I read him my list… 😊)


* We want to be “happy, joyous, and free”

Upcoming topics include is talking to young children about recovery. Also parenting in all its aspects. And, violence by the “Al-Anon” in a relationship. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
We read from the blog “Through an Al-Anon Filter”, which you can find at http://al-anonfilter.blogspot.com/. The post about freedom is at http://al-anonfilter.blogspot.com/2009/05/freedom.html
During “our lives in recovery”, Spencer mentioned a poem he had heard at church. Here is a link: https://twitter.]]>
The Recovery Show 241 1:14:47
Linda L Open Talk – Episode 240 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/#respond Tue, 13 Mar 2018 17:43:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4138 I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California. I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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]]> http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/feed/ 0 I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California. I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California.
I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 240 1:09:31 March Roundup 2018 – Episode 239 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/#respond Wed, 07 Mar 2018 03:00:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4131 Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there? This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, with a mix of AA and Al-Anon topics and speakers. From Friday … Continue reading "March Roundup 2018 – Episode 239"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/feed/ 0 Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there? This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there?
This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, with a mix of AA and Al-Anon topics and speakers.
From Friday to Sunday, we attended workshops on

* God Consciousness
* The Al-Anon traditions
* Double Winners – the AA’s value of using Al-Anon
* Early AA Escapades
* 4 Important pages – 23 and 24 (Step 1, basically) In the “big book”: http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_22.htm and following; in the “12 and 12”: https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_step1.pdf
* Dr. Bob’s Farewell talk, https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/dr-bobs-farewell-talk
* Principles in our relationships

And we heard 6 speakers:

* Danny D (AA)
* Linda L (Al-Anon)
* Matt R and Summer B (Alateen)
* June G (AA)
* Earl H (AA)

As always, there was much more that we wanted to do than we had time and energy for. Activities extended into the night, both Friday and Saturday, with additional workshops, fun, games, and dancing. However we went home to get our sleep (about 45 minute drive). And Saturday and Sunday both started at 8AM, which we definitely were not able to make it that early.
I want to express my joy to the listeners who approached me to say “thank you” for this podcast. I do this podcast for my recovery and for yours, and it is always encouraging to hear how it helps you. We saw friends from our home groups and shared some recovery with them, too.
If you’ve thought about attending a “round up” or convention, I strongly encourage you to do so. If you’re afraid you’ll be singled out as an Al-Anon, I can honestly say that nobody asked me what program I was in. At this one, we made our own name badges, which could say as much or as little as we wanted. Everybody was warm and welcoming, and we got so much recovery wisdom. (Granted, not all the presenters were excellent speakers, but they all had something meaningful to share.)
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener wrote and asked about a flowchart I had mentioned a while back, where all the choices eventually lead to “don't worry”. She wanted to know where to find it. Here's one version: https://lifehacker.com/this-flow-chart-tells-you-when-to-worry-about-anything-1638610395
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The Recovery Show 239 46:39
Myrtle A. Open Talk – Episode 238 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/#comments Tue, 27 Feb 2018 00:41:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4127 Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it.” I hope you enjoy and get as much from her talk … Continue reading "Myrtle A. Open Talk – Episode 238"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/feed/ 1 Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it. Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it.” I hope you enjoy and get as much from her talk as I did.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 53:00
Healing the Trauma of Alcoholism – Episode 237 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/#respond Tue, 20 Feb 2018 02:46:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4114 What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it? I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. I recognized recently that it’s not over, even almost 16 years … Continue reading "Healing the Trauma of Alcoholism – Episode 237"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/feed/ 0 What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it? I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it?
I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. I recognized recently that it’s not over, even almost 16 years later.
Recently, I heard of 3 simple steps that can help us to heal from traumatic stress. (Simple, not easy!) I have to admit that I don’t completely understand how to apply them, but what I know is that my progress in Al-Anon has followed these 3 steps. They are:

* Act

* I came to Al-Anon. I wasn’t sure why I came, except that I didn’t know what else to do.
* I kept on coming, just because each time I felt a little better.
* I listened and identified with what members said in meetings.
* I read Al-Anon literature (this was huge for me in reducing anxiety and enabling me to sleep.)


* Act with others.

* I can’t do it all by myself. That is the essence of Steps 2 and 3:

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
* I asked another member to be my sponsor. This was my first step to acting with others. I didn’t use my sponsor very effectively, but I did call when I didn’t know how to act or deal in a situation.
* I met with other members and formed a step study group (AWOL = A Way Of Life). We met weekly for about 2 years, working through the 12 steps together.
* Working through Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”, with others helped me to see that I am not uniquely broken, and that other people have suffered similar trauma.
* Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”, has been essential in healing my guilt and shame over my past actions. Until I open up to another person, I am not relieved of my pain. In this way, Acting with another is essential to my recovery.


* Act from your wise mind.

* The concept of “wise mind” comes from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). It has been described as the combination of intellectual thought and emotional thought. OK. What’s that mean for me?
* One way I see this action in my program is in Steps 6 and 7. In working Step 6, I try to reach a fullness of understanding and acceptance of my “shortcomings”. Some shortcomings are easy to accept intellectually — I can see the negative effects of my procrastination — but hard to accept emotionally — I am somehow driven to procrastinate but I don’t really know why. Practicing mindfulness can help here. By letting my thoughts just pass by, I start to find acceptance of what is true rather than what I want to be true.
* Other shortcomings are obvious emotionally but not so much intellectually. My fear of financial insecurity is/was one of these. I knew I was afraid, but I didn’t know what I could do about it. I couldn’t get out of it by reasoning. In fact, my reasoning mind told me that I should just do the things I was afraid of: check the bank balance, pay the bills on time, make a budget. I had to bring the emotion and the reason together to accept that I needed to ask for help.
* When I have reached intellectual and emotional acceptance of a shortcoming, then I am entirely ready to have it removed, and I can move on to Step 7 where I ask for just that.
* Many of the components of the Al-Anon program help me to act from my wise mind, by reaching understanding and acceptance of what is true.

* The disease concept of alcoholism was foreign to me and I rejected it at first. I had to learn about how addiction affects the brain,]]>
The Recovery Show 237 1:08:08
Fear of Financial Insecurity – Episode 236 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/#respond Tue, 06 Feb 2018 12:52:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4071 Do you dread mail from your bank? Are you anxious about paying the bills? Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation? What is my experience? Ignoring the problem We’re just fine. Just use the credit card. Cash advances Balance transfer Borrow from parents. Take money from retirement (is this amends?) Can I … Continue reading "Fear of Financial Insecurity – Episode 236"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/feed/ 0 Do you dread mail from your bank? Are you anxious about paying the bills? Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation? What is my experience? Ignoring the problem We’re just fine. Just use the credit card. Do you dread mail from your bank?

Are you anxious about paying the bills?

Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation?

* What is my experience?
* Ignoring the problem

* We’re just fine.
* Just use the credit card.


* Cash advances
* Balance transfer
* Borrow from parents.
* Take money from retirement (is this amends?)
* Can I win the lottery??? (no)
* Refinance the house.
* Worry, anxiety, can’t sleep.
* The problem is drinking — too expensive.
* Bankruptcy?  No! Not an option!
* Bank balance anxiety…

* Don’t check it.
* But be afraid of the envelope (later, the text message)
* Step 6/7 — ask for help, and receive it.


* How to recover? How to not be anxious all the time?
* Sobriety helped, but not the only answer.
* Make a plan to pay off credit card balances.
* Tradition 7
* General Warranties of the Conference In all proceedings the World Service Conference of Al-Anon shall observe the spirit of the Traditions:

* that only sufficient operating funds, including an ample reserve, be its prudent financial principle;


* Where am I today?

* Credit cards at zero.
* Loans taken to pay off credit cards almost zero.
* Home line of credit is the next target.
* Student loans — refinance for lower interest. 5 years to go.
* We were able to recarpet our home from savings, not credit!
* But it took time.



Upcoming topics include parenting. In particular, if you are the parent of an alcoholic or addict, we'd love to hear your fears, experience, strength, and hope. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
Courage to Change, Dec 11
How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 31 “Letting Go of a Loved One’s Alcohol, Drug, and Money Problems”

Music from the show
Hank Thompson – Six Pack to Go

Abba – Money, Money, Money

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – Make the Money

 
 
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The Recovery Show 236 48:03
Slogans part 2 – Episode 235 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/#respond Thu, 01 Feb 2018 03:49:44 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4064 How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”? 3 slogans for today. Let it begin with me. Is it worth my serenity? First things first. For each slogan: How do I understand the slogan? … Continue reading "Slogans part 2 – Episode 235"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/feed/ 0 How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”? 3 slogans for today. Let it begin with me. Is it worth my serenity? First things first. How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”?

* 3 slogans for today.

* Let it begin with me.
* Is it worth my serenity?
* First things first.


* For each slogan: How do I understand the slogan?
* What did I think when I first heard each slogan?
* Has my understanding changed?
* How have I applied the slogan in the past? Now?
* The “Al-Anon declaration” includes the words “Let it begin with me” twice. Why?

* LET IT BEGIN WITH ME—When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, let the hand of Al‑Anon and Alateen always be there and LET IT BEGIN WITH ME


* Do I use “Let it begin with me” to remind me that my recovery comes first?

* Sort of like the “oxygen mask” metaphor?
* “Isms” and “if you spot it, you got it”


* What happens when I ask “Is it worth my serenity?” How does it change the way I react to situations?
* Do I use “first things first”

* To reduce frustration, fear, or uncertainty?
* To help me move forward one step towards a goal I don’t know how to reach?
* To help me choose from several “next steps”?



Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
We opened with a reading from Chapter 9 of How Al-Anon Works, Slogans.
Later, we read from Courage to Change, April 18 and December 2.

Music from the show
The Isley Brothers and Santana – Let there be Peace on Earth (and Let it Begin with Me)

Read more about this song.
Godsmack – Serenity

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – First Things First

 
 
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The Recovery Show 235 1:23:37
Carol S open talk – Episode 234 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/#comments Tue, 23 Jan 2018 02:02:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4060 Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Nebraska. Upcoming topics include some slogans. What … Continue reading "Carol S open talk – Episode 234"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/feed/ 2 Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Nebraska.
Upcoming topics include some slogans. What is your favorite slogan? Or, maybe more importantly, what is the slogan that you use almost every day? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 234 52:32
Making a Decision – Episode 233 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/#comments Tue, 16 Jan 2018 04:54:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4051 Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us? I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, and 2017 for … Continue reading "Making a Decision – Episode 233"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/feed/ 2 Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us? I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us?
I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, and 2017 for these questions about making a decision.

* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
* How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
* Am I willing to turn my problems over? What could help me be willing?
* How can I stop thinking, trying, and considering, and actually make a decision?
* Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.

If I am unable to make a decision, what holds me back?

How would you answer these questions? Share your responses so we can read them in a future episode.
Upcoming are two more parent episodes. For one episode, please share your experience, strength, and hope about being the parent of an alcoholic or addict.  For the other, how has recovery changed the way you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
Audio versions of three Al-Anon books are now available:
The Al-Anon online store has links to purchase the books from Audible, Amazon, or iTunes. Here are direct links to purchase them through Amazon: One Day at a Time in Al-AnonHow Al-Anon Works, Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II.
A description of the “persistent illusion” can be found in the book Alcoholics Anonymous starting on page 30. Here is one online copy that you can read.
The original “3rd Step Prayer” and several variants of it can be found at the “Friends of Bill W.” website.
A listener asked about the song “Drowning's Better (with your friends)”, which can be found at the Bandcamp page for Misty Lyn and the Big Beautiful.
Music from the show
Just Decide by I Fight Dragons

Free to Decide by The Cranberries

Choose by Hightown Parade

More songs about making decisions are in this Spotify playlist.

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The Recovery Show 56 233 52:54
The Sober Parent – Episode 232 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/#respond Wed, 10 Jan 2018 17:28:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4043 Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you? What challenges do you face as the sober parent? Keeping your children safe Making decisions about how to parent. What happens when you disagree? Taking everything on. Anger, rage and anxiety. “Parenting” your spouse? Jealousy/resentment of … Continue reading "The Sober Parent – Episode 232"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/feed/ 0 Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you? What challenges do you face as the sober parent? Keeping your children safe Making decisions about how to parent. Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you?

* What challenges do you face as the sober parent?

* Keeping your children safe
* Making decisions about how to parent. What happens when you disagree?
* Taking everything on.
* Anger, rage and anxiety.
* “Parenting” your spouse?
* Jealousy/resentment of the “fun parent.”
* Attributing all “problems” to alcoholism.
* Decision-making.
* Not know what “normal” is.  Or what “healthy” is.
* Trying to parent together when you don’t feel strong in your marriage… or when its actually breaking/broken.
* Protecting anonymity while being honest on medical and education paperwork for my children
* Traveling for work and setting expectations for care of our kids knowing I really have no control over whether or not my wishes/expectations are upheld
* Not having control. Allowing kids to ride in the car or even just be at home alone with the alcoholic parent.


* How did you react to these before recovery?

* Resentment – LOTS
* Snide, snarky comments to spouse, spitefulness
* Anger, particularly misdirected anger
* Guilt and self-loathing
* Exhaustion
* Apathy
* Depression
* All or nothing attitude/perspective
* Relentless pursuit of “agreement” or seeing my viewpoint
* Lack of trust


* How has recovery changed the way in which you face these challenges?

* Living one day/one hour/one minute at a time.
* Setting boundaries
* Focus on myself… self-care, self-inventory, stay in my hula hoop
* Crazy thought train doesn’t stay as long
* Awareness of my anxiety and anger
* Learning to pause.
* Not as hard on myself
* I don’t always feel compelled to make decisions right away
* I’m learning to let go of outcomes
* I’m learning the difference between true issues/problems and simply unmet expectations
* I apply program to my actions on a daily basis (first things first, how important is it, HALT, etc.)


* What is a typical day like now?

* More loving behavior with my spouse.
* More patience
* Make amends to my kids whenever necessary
* I hear from my Higher Power through my children
* More loving and accepting of myself and more compassionate toward my spouse, which creates a more peaceful environment
* Imperfect – some days i feel like i’m right back where i started, but that doesn’t last as long


* How do you face the fears and worries that you have for your children?

* How do my children see me? My spouse?
* How can I be the parent my children need? The parent they want?
* How can I not transmit my resentment and anger at my spouse to my children?
* But: fear of what’s to come in my children’s lives.


* What tools do I want to give to my children?

* “Pause”
* God Box  (kind words, deep breaths)
* Acceptance of their emotions
* A parent who is approachable and thoughtfully responds rather than reacts



Upcoming topics include parenting an alcoholic/addict child, and how recovery has changed the way in which you are a parent. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: Teach Your Children

David Haas: The God of Second Chances

 
 
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The Recovery Show 232 1:17:24
Begin in Stillness – Episode 231 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/#comments Tue, 02 Jan 2018 04:36:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4036 Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come. What do you want to let go of from the last year? Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, or crumple it up and throw it in the trash.) You don’t … Continue reading "Begin in Stillness – Episode 231"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/feed/ 1 Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come. What do you want to let go of from the last year? Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come.

* What do you want to let go of from the last year?

* Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, or crumple it up and throw it in the trash.)
* You don’t need to share this with anyone. It is just for you.
* As you destroy it, feel yourself letting go of the anger, the fear, the anxiety, the resentment, the desperation, or the sorrow.


* What aspirations do you have (for yourself) in the new year?

* Write it down. Put it someplace you will re-encounter it throughout the year. Maybe in your wallet or purse, maybe tucked into the sandals you will wear when summer comes. Let it remind you, when you have forgotten all about it, what you wish for yourself.
* What is the difference between an aspiration and a resolution? Why is this important?


* What gift would you like to give to someone else for the coming year?

* Try for a single word, a short phrase, or a picture.
* Give it to someone else. Preferably a stranger, maybe someone you don’t even know who. Leave it in a library book. Tack it on a community bulletin board at a store. Be original.



Share your responses to these questions with us by email or voice.
Upcoming topics include parenting. From at least these 3 perspectives: Being the sober parent. Being the parent of an alcoholic or addict child. And how has recovery changed the way you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
The Black Angels – Life Song

Kendrick Lamar – FEEL.

MILCK – Quiet

 
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The Recovery Show 231 1:01:19
The Family in Recovery – Episode 230 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/#respond Mon, 25 Dec 2017 14:00:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4028 In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA. Upcoming topics include parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more … Continue reading "The Family in Recovery – Episode 230"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/feed/ 0 In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA. Upcoming topics include parenting. In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA.
Upcoming topics include parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more information about joining our conversation. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 230 1:03:04
Holiday Expectations – Episode 229 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/#respond Tue, 19 Dec 2017 04:33:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4019 As we enter into a season where many of us are celebrating an end of the year holiday — Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year — what expectations do we have? What anxieties does this season provoke? Do you look forward to spending time with family, or dread it? Or are you spending this time alone? … Continue reading "Holiday Expectations – Episode 229"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/feed/ 0 As we enter into a season where many of us are celebrating an end of the year holiday — Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year — what expectations do we have? What anxieties does this season provoke? Do you look forward to spending time with family,
* By expecting it to be just like it was.
* By having unrealistic expectations.
* This year, everyone will be happy and glad to spend time together.
* Dreading family dysfunction.
* How can we set realistic expectations or let go of expectations?
* How can we protect our serenity?
* What can we do differently?

I was inspired, in part, to this topic by the following article in the June, 2017 issue of the Forum, which reminded me of an experience I had when I was just a couple of years into recovery.
I Asked God To Guide My Words
By Anonymous
One of the countless new skills I began to learn when I came to Al-Anon was managing my expectations. My need to improve in this area was especially evident whenever I was anticipating a visit with my alcoholic son, who lives in another part of the country. Beforehand, I would build up the visit in my mind’s eye, picturing our family laughing together, doing fun things, talking easily and affectionately about our lives.
But it was never like that. Conversation was constantly strained. It was hard to find any safe topics. Our son didn’t seem to want to talk about his work, social life, whether he was working his program or much of anything else. He wasn’t particularly interested in doing any of the things I thought would be fun. My rosy expectations bore absolutely no resemblance to what really took place.
As a result, these visits left me feeling hurt, disappointed, frustrated, sad, regretful, hopeless and even a little angry. I definitely had to get my head into a better place.
With my Sponsor’s guidance, I began to study Al-Anon literature on the topic of expectations. I soon discovered that there is a close relationship between my expectations and my level of acceptance—or lack thereof—regarding the circumstances of my life. My expectations were unrealistic because I had not truly accepted the realities of my son’s life and their impact on mine. I was simply turning a blind eye to how things really were—not denial, but not full acceptance either.
In preparation for the most recent visit, I armed myself with lots of study, prayer, reflection, writing in my journal and a commitment to constantly seek my Higher Power’s guidance. I literally asked God to guide every word I said and everything I did. While I hoped the visit would be, at the very least, pleasant and congenial, I no longer harbored glowing images that had no roots in reality.
The visit went better than any of the previous ones, and afterward I felt somewhat at peace. There had been times of real connection and other periods when each of us just went our own way, giving each other plenty of space. I relaxed and didn’t try to force things into a mold that would never fit our life. I hope future visits will be even better, but I’m grateful to have learned a new way of dealing with my expectations that I can apply to all areas of my life.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA
I'm planning some episodes about parenting, but I need your help. Share your experience as the sober parent. What have you learned about being a parent to your alcoholic or addict child? How has recovery changed how you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more information about the ma...]]>
The Recovery Show 229 38:07
Trust and Trustworthy – Episode 228 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/#respond Wed, 13 Dec 2017 05:24:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4013 Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy? What is trust? firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary.com) Do you have or have had trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you … Continue reading "Trust and Trustworthy – Episode 228"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy? What is trust? firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary. Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy?

* What is trust?

* firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary.com)


* Do you have or have had trouble trusting other people?
* Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy?
* Do you have a Higher Power you can trust?
* What is the difference between trust and faith or is there a difference?
* If we developed an ability to trust, how have we done that?  with meetings?  the program/steps?  the tools? slogans? (I find that each of these has a role in developing trust).
* Can you trust yourself?
* Can others trust you?
* When I don’t trust someone what am I feeling?

* Fear.
* Fear of being judged – ties in with perfectionism, low self esteem, unloveable
* Fear of being hurt – emotionally, physically, intentionally and unintentionally.


* Trust to me is having the confidence that another person is not going to harm me intentionally.

* Sometimes the lack of trust is an issue on my side of the street
* Sometimes the other person has not shown themselves to be trustworthy
* Often I would assume that I couldn’t trust someone to be thoughtful of me because of my past experiences or my way of thinking.


* Slogans / Tools for building trust:

* One Step/Day at a Time (Tincture of Time)
* Act as If in less important situations
* Keep an Open Mind (helps with jumping to conclusions, esp. About negative intent)
* Let it begin with me


* Building others' trust in me

* Traditions – learning to co-exist with others
* Concepts – learning to work in an organization



Upcoming topics include parenting, being the sober parent, and being the parent of an addict or alcoholic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Trust in Me – Stewart Holloway from the Jungle Book movie

Trust – Christina Perri

Olivia O'Brien – Trust Issues


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The Recovery Show 228 1:30:41
Five Years of Recovery – Episode 227 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/#respond Wed, 06 Dec 2017 04:45:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3993 The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you? How did it happen? 6 years ago — the only … Continue reading "Five Years of Recovery – Episode 227"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/feed/ 0 The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you? How did it happen? The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you?

* How did it happen?

* 6 years ago — the only “podcasts” I listened to were NPR shows like “Car Talk” and “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me”.
* I first heard about recovery podcasts from my friend Mark, who produces “Recovered”
* I asked him to be my sponsor in early 2012, and he said “would you like to be in my podcast?”  I had to think about it!
* Started guest hosting in Recovered Spring 2012.
* Said “we should do an Al-Anon episode”. Mark responded “You should do an Al-Anon podcast!” What?!
* Thought about it. Talked to some friends about it. Decided to give it a try.
* Early December 2012, Kelli, Swetha, and I recorded our first “pilot” episode with a conversation about boundaries. The audio quality was not good, but we decided to post it anyway.
* I bought some microphones and a mixer, and by episode 4, we decided it was no longer a “pilot.”
* During the next 11 months we consistently had 3 hosts for each episode, and sometimes an additional guest.


* Changes!

* In October, 2012, Kelli and Swetha decided they could not continue with the podcast.
* What to do!?
* Episode 47, “Changes” records my reaction, as I tried to draw on my program tools, and move forward.
* I was challenged to find co-hosts, because I thought I needed to keep the conversational format we had developed in the preceding 11 months.
* Bringing in remote co-hosts.
* First remote co-host in episode 55 with Ruth from Germany!
* First solo episode: 66 “codependency”.  Challenging myself to do it differently, feeling insufficient.
* Later feedback is that people like both formats.


* Struggles

* Consistency: format, schedule
* Finding co-hosts
* Keeping track of requests and offers!
* Expectations — particularly what I expect you expect of me!


* Gratitudes

* That Mark suggested it
* That Kelli and Swetha were consistent co-hosts, co-creators in the first year.
* For all of you who express your gratitude to me.
* For all of you who contribute your ESH to the show.
* Especially for those who have co-hosted, or who have offered to co-host, even when I lost track of your offer.
* To Ruth and Akilah, who were my co-hosts for the Traditions and Concepts episodes.
* For your questions and topic suggestions.


* How has my recovery benefited?

* I have to “dive deep” into a recovery topic almost every week.
* I have to move outside my comfort zone, to reach out to co-hosts and ask them for the gift of their time.
* The “Step 10 inventory” aspect of “our week in recovery”.


* What now?

* Keep on as we have done?
* What changes would you like to see?
* Episode formats: conversation, solo, speaker.  What else?



Upcoming episodes include 3 parenting topics: being the sober parent in an alcoholic marriage, parenting an addict or alcoholic child, and parenting in general. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Lori McKenna – Drinkin' Problem

Michael Jackson – Man in the Mirror

Sam Cooke – A Change is Gonna Come

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The Recovery Show 44:20
Your Gratitude 2017 – Episode 226 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/#respond Sun, 26 Nov 2017 20:30:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3988 I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes. I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude and thankfulness. I'm sure I missed your favorite, so please email … Continue reading "Your Gratitude 2017 – Episode 226"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/feed/ 0 I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes. I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude ... I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes.
I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude and thankfulness. I'm sure I missed your favorite, so please email your suggestion (or comment below).
Next week's episode will mark 5 years of The Recovery Show. I will be looking back over the last 5 years. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Darius Rucker: This


 
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The Recovery Show 226 11:50
Parenting as an Adult Child of Alcoholics – Episode 225 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/#respond Wed, 22 Nov 2017 06:10:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3976 What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children? What program tools have you used, and how have they helped? What is your biggest challenge now? Several listeners shared their experience around these and similar questions. Some challenges were Not controlling. Anger Impatience “Hurt people hurt people” … Continue reading "Parenting as an Adult Child of Alcoholics – Episode 225"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/feed/ 0 What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children? What program tools have you used, and how have they helped? What is your biggest challenge now? Several listeners shared their experience around these an...

* What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children?
* What program tools have you used, and how have they helped?
* What is your biggest challenge now?

Several listeners shared their experience around these and similar questions.
Some challenges were

* Not controlling.
* Anger
* Impatience
* “Hurt people hurt people”

And some tools for better parenting include these:

* Step 10 — apologize and make amends to our children.

* Demonstrate humility and honesty — see it in the children


* Tradition 11 — let it begin with me (attraction rather than promotion)
* Tradition 1 — unity — guard against dominance — not about “me” but about the family
* Tradition 2 — a trusted servant (a trustee) to the children — they have their own higher power
* Tradition 4 — autonomy except where it affects others
* Tradition 10 — no opinion on outside issues — let the child dress how she or he wants to dress
* Tradition 7 — self supporting — allow children opportunity to be self supporting to build dignity, respect, responsibility.
* Concepts of service — shared responsibility (co-parenting)

* We love the presentation in the Reaching for Personal Freedom workbook, because it helps us understand how we can use the Traditions and Concepts in our own lives, in our families, and other relationships.


* Step 11 — “I don’t own my children, God owns them” — need knowledge of God’s will.
* Easy does it
* How important is it?
* Detaching with love.

* “Don’t argue with alcoholics, toddlers, and terrorists.”
* Let them express emotions without needing to change them


* Sharing program with children.
* “What am I hurt about?”
* Pause — the “Al-Anon breath”

Our topic for next week is gratitude. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share something you are grateful for today.


Music from the show
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Parents Just Don't Understand

John Mayer – Daughters

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – Teach your Children

 
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The Recovery Show 225 1:21:39
Gratitude – Episode 224 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/#comments Tue, 14 Nov 2017 03:02:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3971 As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for? Here are some things I am grateful for That I have a program of recovery. Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving. That my adult children choose to spend time with me … Continue reading "Gratitude – Episode 224"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/feed/ 4 As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for? Here are some things I am grateful for That I have a program of recovery. Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving. As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for?
Here are some things I am grateful for

* That I have a program of recovery.
* Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving.
* That my adult children choose to spend time with me and share their life with me.
* Although it snowed Thursday evening, on Friday morning it was sunny and pretty.
* That, as a sponsee reminded me, I have a roof over my head, a furnace that works, and a warm blanket.
* That you share your experience, strength, and hope with me and with the other listeners of this podcast. You make the podcast better and stronger by your presence.

What are you grateful for? Call or email with one thing you are grateful for this year, this month, or just today. Or, if you wish, share a gratitude list with us. I will compile your responses into an episode to be published on the US Thanksgiving weekend (last weekend in November). Please send your contribution by November 25, 2017.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
I read a bit from this Vox article about the Netflix show Jessica Jones, and its depiction of drug use and addiction.
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The Recovery Show 18:04
Sally C. open talk - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/#respond Mon, 06 Nov 2017 23:02:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3965 I got a lot from this open talk by Sally C, speaking in 1984. A couple highlights from her talk: She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it? What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why maybe they shouldn't … Continue reading "Sally C. open talk"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/feed/ 0 I got a lot from this open talk by Sally C, speaking in 1984. A couple highlights from her talk: She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it? What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why... She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it?
What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why maybe they shouldn't have that slogan around that says “think, think, think”! What event lead her to this realization? What was the result?
 
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The Recovery Show 1:01:55
(In)sanity and (Un)manageability – Episode 222 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/#respond Tue, 31 Oct 2017 04:14:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3961 How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life? Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How? How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? Spencer reflects on these questions. How would you answer these questions? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with … Continue reading "(In)sanity and (Un)manageability – Episode 222"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/feed/ 0 How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life? Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How? How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? Spencer reflects on these questions. How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
Spencer reflects on these questions.
How would you answer these questions? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Jamila Woods: Holy

 
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The Recovery Show 29:31
Fran G Open Talk – Episode 221 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/#comments Wed, 25 Oct 2017 12:03:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3957 We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/feed/ 1 We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991. We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991.
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The Recovery Show 50:57
Courage – Episode 220 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/#respond Tue, 17 Oct 2017 04:54:11 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3948 How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? We use the word “courage” a lot in this program. Most of our meetings start with the serenity prayer: God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I … Continue reading "Courage – Episode 220"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/feed/ 0 How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can?

* We use the word “courage” a lot in this program. Most of our meetings start with the serenity prayer:

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference
* What does the word “courage” mean to you?

* In the past?
* Now?


* When were some moments in which you found “the courage to change the things you can”?

* Coming into your first Al-Anon meeting?
* Sharing in a meeting?
* Calling another Al-Anon member?
* Asking someone to be your sponsor?
* Setting (and holding to) a boundary?
* Not enabling your loved one.
* Taking your 4th step inventory?
* Sharing your “wrongs” with someone in the 5th step?
* Making amends?


* How have you found courage in recovery?

* Faith and trust in the program, sponsor, higher power.
* Little steps lead to confidence in bigger steps.


* Finding the courage live your own life with your authentic truth. (24 hours at a time.)
* Step 11 “power to carry that out” == courage

Upcoming topics include parenting. As an adult child of an alcoholic, how can you not pass that on to your own children? What have you learned in recovery about being a better parent? Or, alternatively, what is your experience as the parent of an alcoholic or addict? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener called, looking for an e-book version of the Blueprint for Recovery 4th step workbook. To my knowledge, this is not (yet) available in electronic format. Some Al-Anon literature is available as E-Books. A variety of small publications are also available for free download from the Al-Anon website.

Music from the show
The Killers: Rut

Fleetwood Mac: Landslide

The Wizard of Oz: If I only had the Nerve


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The Recovery Show 220 57:39
3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis – Episode 219 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/#respond Tue, 10 Oct 2017 03:53:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3945 Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it. We explore the 3 P's, guided by the questions below and with shares from listeners. How do Perfection, Procrastination, and Paralysis connect to each other? How have I experienced perfection(ism) in my life? … Continue reading "3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis – Episode 219"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it. Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it.
We explore the 3 P's, guided by the questions below and with shares from listeners.

* How do Perfection, Procrastination, and Paralysis connect to each other?
* How have I experienced perfection(ism) in my life?
* How (and why) do I procrastinate?

* What is the payoff from procrastinating?


* When do I experience paralysis?

* What behaviors do I exhibit then?


* How can I use the “6 P’s”(from our book Paths to Recovery) of Step six?  Thanks to Cleaning Out the Old Toolbox blog for these reflections:

* Perspective: think of defects of character as “survival skills that no longer serve me”. Since my Higher Power wants more for me than mere survival, I can let them go and trust that I will develop healthy behaviors and thinking.
* Pain: Whenever the pain of staying the same hurts more than the pain of change, that’s the time when I will be ready.
* Prayer: My part is to pray for openness & willingness; God’s part is to do the removing.
* Patience: God gets to choose when and how fast He will remove my defects of character.
* Process: Quite possibly, this is a grief process of denial, anger, bargaining and depression.
* Payoff: The bottom line–what am I getting out of holding on to some of these defects of character? What is still good about it?


* How can I let go of 3 P’s?

* Slogans

* Progress, not perfection
* First things first
* How Important is it?
* Do the next right thing.
* Keep it simple.
* Easy does it.
* Let go and let God.


* Steps

* Step 4 — identify my character traits
* Step 5 — be honest about them!
* Step 6 — become ready to let go of what is not helping me
* Step 7 — Ask for the help (and practise new behavior)


* Acceptance that nothing is/will be perfect. Ever.
* Gratitude



Our upcoming topic is courage. The word courage appears in the serenity prayer, from which the title of one of our daily meditation books was taken: Courage to Change. How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Episodes mentioned in this show are: Episode 203, Adult Children of Alcoholics; Episode 200, Daddy's Medicine; and Episode 22, Parents' Roundtable.


Music from the show
The Exciters: Tell Him

Elvis Presley: A Little Less Conversation

Forest: Much Ado about Nothing

 
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The Recovery Show 219 54:50
Charlotte I Open Talk – Episode 218 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/#respond Tue, 03 Oct 2017 01:39:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3942 I really enjoyed and connected with this open talk by Charlotte I. I hope you do, too. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/feed/ 0 An open talk by Charlotte I I really enjoyed and connected with this open talk by Charlotte I. I hope you do, too.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 218 1:00:38
Spencer T Open Talk – Episode 217 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/#respond Tue, 26 Sep 2017 04:44:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3939 An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now? It includes reflections on: Learning at a young age that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone's problems. Learning codependent behavior — … Continue reading "Spencer T Open Talk – Episode 217"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/feed/ 0 An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now? It includes reflections on: Learning at a young age that it was ... An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now?
It includes reflections on:

* Learning at a young age that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone's problems.
* Learning codependent behavior — that I could not be happy unless everyone around me was happy.
* What happens when these behaviors meet up with alcoholism? (Hint: it's not pretty.)
* How long did it take before I finally realized I needed help? And that Al-Anon might be the place to find it?
* What did early recovery look like for me?
* How did I find an answer to that question that plagues so many of us: “Should I stay or should I go?”
* What did the steps look like when I first encountered them? What do they mean to me now?
* How has recovery helped and supported me in all aspects of my life?

Please consider sharing your story for our upcoming 5-year anniversary episode in early December, 2017. See our contact page for information on how you can contribute your voice.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:06:11
Willingness – Episode 216 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/#comments Tue, 19 Sep 2017 12:15:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3937 A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, “Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?” What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from? Definition What does this word mean to me today? How is that … Continue reading "Willingness – Episode 216"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/feed/ 1 A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, "Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?" What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from? A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, “Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?” What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from?

* Definition
* What does this word mean to me today?
* How is that different from how I understood it in the past?
* Where does willingness appear in the Steps?
* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
* But also: Step 4 — willingness to look deeply at ourselves.
* Step 5 and 6 — willingness to change.
* Step 11 — willingness to deepen our relationship with a higher power.
* In fact, we can find it in all the steps!
* Eric noted that you can put the word “willing” in front of each step: Step 1, “Became willing to admit we were powerless…”, etc.
* Acronym: HOW — Honest, Open, and Willing. This is HOW the program of recovery works.
* How did I become willing?

* Examples of others — your stories of using the principles of the program in your own recovery helped me be willing to try them for myself.
* Pain — “hitting bottom” over and over in different ways. Eventually willing to try something, anything new.



A few tidbits from the episode:
Psychology Today article: 5 Ways to Really Get Closer to Each Other
Phone meetings web site.
And the quote from Marilyn Monroe that Spencer mentioned: “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Prince: Willing and Able

Jason Mraz: I'm Yours

Rush: One Little Victory

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:08:38
Welcome – Episode 215 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/#respond Tue, 05 Sep 2017 03:58:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3922 How were you made welcome to recovery? How are we welcoming to others? This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in the Al-Anon program. I reflect on the poem … Continue reading "Welcome – Episode 215"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/feed/ 0 How were you made welcome to recovery? How are we welcoming to others? This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in... How were you made welcome to recovery?

How are we welcoming to others?
This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in the Al-Anon program. I reflect on the poem with these questions.

* How did I receive the welcome expressed in this poem?
* How have I gifted this welcome to others?
* How have I failed to be welcoming?
* How can I be more welcoming?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Thanks to Margaret Wolff for permission to share her poem in this episode. Purchase the book In Sweet Company: Conversations With Extraordinary Women About Living A Spiritual Life from Amazon, or visit her website In Sweet Company.


Music from the show
Björk: Come to me

Kelly Clarkson: Hello

Pink: F**king Perfect

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The Recovery Show 1:02:04
Sadness and Loneliness – Episode 214 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/#respond Fri, 01 Sep 2017 03:54:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3913 How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings? Eric and Spencer explore loneliness, sadness, and recovery guided in part by these questions. Definitions. Sad, despair, isolated, grief, loss, How did you deal with (or not deal with) sadness before recovery? … Continue reading "Sadness and Loneliness – Episode 214"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/feed/ 0 How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between lonely and alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings? How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings?
Eric and Spencer explore loneliness, sadness, and recovery guided in part by these questions.

* Definitions.

* Sad, despair, isolated, grief, loss,


* How did you deal with (or not deal with) sadness before recovery?

* What brought you sadness?
* What other emotions went with it?
* How did you act?


* When were you lonely?

* What other emotions went with it?
* What was your “self-talk” when you were lonely?
* How did you act?


* How has your recovery changed this?
* How is being lonely different from being alone?
* Did you used to resist being alone?
* How has that changed?

We made reference to a couple of articles from Psychology Today.
The Surprising Antidote to Loneliness
The Value of Sadness
A previous episode on Hope (episode 65) was mentioned.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Smokey Robinson and the Miracles: The Tears of a Clown

Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa: Scared to be Lonely

Train: I'm about to come Alive

Our “bumper” music is Teleportationism by Mad Hugs. Our thanks to the artist for permission to use it.
Mad Hugs – Whale by Mad Hugs
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The Recovery Show 1:07:44
Cynthia C Open Talk – Episode 213 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/#comments Tue, 22 Aug 2017 02:00:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3910 An open talk by Cynthia C, speaking in 1986. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/feed/ 3 An open talk by Cynthia C, speaking in 1986. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 46:31
I didn’t get sober for this shit – Episode 212 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/#comments Tue, 15 Aug 2017 03:06:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3906 What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add? I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.” I related to it in so many ways, and I'll share a few with you in this episode. I'd love … Continue reading "I didn’t get sober for this shit – Episode 212"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/feed/ 1 What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add? I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.” I related to it in so many ways, What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add?
I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.
I related to it in so many ways, and I'll share a few with you in this episode. I'd love to hear how you connect. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Alanis Morissette – That I would be Good

Tracy Chapman – Fast Car

Eminem – Going through Changes

 
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The Recovery Show 55:47
Kindness and Courtesy – Episode 211 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/#comments Wed, 02 Aug 2017 12:39:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3900 How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones? Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives. What is kindness? What is courtesy? Ways of being kind and courteous: Smiling and saying “hi” … Continue reading "Kindness and Courtesy – Episode 211"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/feed/ 2 How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones? Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives. How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones?
Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives.

* What is kindness?
* What is courtesy?
* Ways of being kind and courteous:

* Smiling and saying “hi” to people I interact with in my daily life — bus driver, checkout person at the grocery store, co-workers.
* Realizing that the person who cut me off on the highway has their issues, and those are not mine is being kind to myself.
* Responding courteously to anger keeps me calmer and may defuse a tense situation.
* Keeping my mouth shut when I want to lash out!


* We read from Al-Anon literature:

* How Al-Anon Works, chapter 12, Communication, the section “How we say what we say”. (Also available as a Kindle e-b0ok.)
* Courage to Change, April 13. (Kindle version.)
* One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 20 and October 25.


* And from a couple of articles from Psychology Today:

* Kindness
* The Positive Psychology of Kindness



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Glen Campbell: Try a Little Kindness

Serena Gomez: Kill 'em with Kindness

Jackson Browne: Tender is the Night

 
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The Recovery Show 50:25
Living with death – Episode 210 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/#comments Thu, 27 Jul 2017 03:17:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3897 Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past? This show is sort of a story in 3 parts. First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one. Next, D shares her experience … Continue reading "Living with death – Episode 210"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/feed/ 1 Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past? This show is sort of a story in 3 parts. First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one. Next, Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past?
This show is sort of a story in 3 parts.
First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one.
Next, D shares her experience and feelings around the death of her loved one.
Finally, Michelle explores the ways in which recovery has helped her in accepting the deaths of her parents, which occurred long before she found this program.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Aerosmith: Amazing

The Verve: The Drugs Don't Work

 
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The Recovery Show 1:01:41
Mary Pearl T on Steps 6-9 – Episode 209 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/#respond Tue, 11 Jul 2017 14:49:14 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3892 Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. This is part of a longer talk, so it starts in the middle of an anecdote. She talks here about Steps 6, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”, 7, “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings”, 8, “Made … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Steps 6-9 – Episode 209"

The post Mary Pearl T on Steps 6-9 – Episode 209 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/feed/ 0 Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. She talks here about Steps 6, 7, 8, and 9. Her talk is full of stories from her own life, which make me grin, make me think, and make me cry. Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. This is part of a longer talk, so it starts in the middle of an anecdote. She talks here about Steps 6, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”, 7, “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings”, 8, “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all,” and 9, “Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Her talk is full of stories from her own life, which make me grin, make me think, and make me cry.
On Step 8: “I had hurt nearly everyone that I had ever come in contact with that I had allowed to care for me.”
She ends with her understanding of the promises.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:22:26
Humility – Episode 208 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/#comments Tue, 04 Jul 2017 04:32:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3888 Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change? Definition from Merriam-Webster:  freedom from pride or arrogance :  the quality or state of being humble What is the difference between humility and humiliation? Some have compared humility to teachability. How do you understand this statement? How does humility help keep me … Continue reading "Humility – Episode 208"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/feed/ 2 Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change? Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change?
Definition from Merriam-Webster:  freedom from pride or arrogance :  the quality or state of being humble

* What is the difference between humility and humiliation?
* Some have compared humility to teachability. How do you understand this statement?
* How does humility help keep me from trying to control people and situations?
* How Al-Anon Works says “True humility is based upon letting go of self-will and relying instead upon the will of our Higher Power.”
* In the “Lois’s Story” chapter in How Al-Anon Works, she writes, “‘Humbly’ was a word I never fully understood. It used to seem servile to me. Today it means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.”
* What is the connection between anonymity, as we practice it, and humility?
* How is humility part of taking care of ourselves, rather than taking care of others?

Eric read from “The Paradoxical Power of Humility“.
Upcoming topics include “the 3 P's”, perfection, procrastination, and paralysis. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Melissa Etheridge: If I Only Wanted To

Tim McGraw: Humble and Kind

Mary Lambert: Secrets

 
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The Recovery Show 56:08
Controlling Behavior – Episode 207 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/#respond Tue, 27 Jun 2017 03:32:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3883 Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to? I recently started working the steps with an AWOL group (A Way Of Life). In our first meeting, we agreed to address the first 5 questions about Step 1 in the … Continue reading "Controlling Behavior – Episode 207"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/feed/ 0 Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to? Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to?
I recently started working the steps with an AWOL group (A Way Of Life). In our first meeting, we agreed to address the first 5 questions about Step 1 in the book Paths to Recovery. (Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.)

* Do I accept that I cannot control another person’s drinking? Another person’s behavior?
* How do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?
* Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does that change how I deal with a drinker?
* How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?
* What means have I used to get what I want and need? What might work better to get my needs met?

Upcoming topics include “the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis”. We will also be addressing more questions from Paths to Recovery: How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond? What would happen if I stopped trying to change the alcoholic or anyone else? How can I let go of another's problems instead of trying to solve them? Am I looking for a quick fix to my problems? Is there one? In what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people? In what situations do I feel shame or embarrassment for someone else's behavior?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Lesley Gore: You Don't Own Me

3 Days Grace: Just Like You

The Pretenders: I'll Stand By You

A Spotify playlist with some of the songs considered for this episode:


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The Recovery Show 44:17
It’s the Journey – Episode 206 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/#respond Tue, 13 Jun 2017 11:35:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3878 How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never “get it”? Recently, I heard a couple of statements that, in my head, connected to recovery. “We are not defined by what we did or who we were. Those are only the things that brought us … Continue reading "It’s the Journey – Episode 206"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/feed/ 0 How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never "get it"? Recovery is a journey. How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never “get it”?
Recently, I heard a couple of statements that, in my head, connected to recovery.
“We are not defined by what we did or who we were. Those are only the things that brought us to who we are now.”
“This is who I am now, and I know I will be different later. Life is about the journey, not the destination.”
Exploring these ideas:

* What are my expectations of myself?
* How are they shaped by my past experience?
* In what ways do they not match my current reality?
* How do I know?
* What program tools can help me see that I am not my past?

* Inventory (Step 4)
* Gratitude list.


* What tools can help me be more the person I want to be?

* Detachment
* Committing to change (Steps 6 & 7)
* Amends (Steps 8, 9, 10)
* Spiritual connection (Step 11)


* How does seeing life as a journey feed my serenity?

* Slogans: Progress not perfection. (not an official Al-Anon slogan?)
* Easy does it.
* One day at a time.



Upcoming topics include “The 3 P's: Perfection, Paralysis, and Procrastination”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
The Allman Brothers: Change my way of Living

Otis Redding: A Change is Gonna Come

Indigo Girls: Closer to Fine

 
 
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The Recovery Show 41:51
Corrie L. Open Talk – Episode 205 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/#comments Tue, 06 Jun 2017 03:05:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3872 I connected with a lot of what Corrie shared. I hope you enjoy her talk as much as I did. Upcoming topics include the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis. Do you find it hard to get started because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions … Continue reading "Corrie L. Open Talk – Episode 205"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/feed/ 4 An open talk by Corrie L. speaking in 2014. Upcoming topics include the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis. Do you find it hard to get started because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:32:01
My Body, My Codependency – Episode 204 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/#comments Tue, 30 May 2017 02:12:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3861 The pit of my stomach is churning. My neck and shoulders are tense. I don’t have any energy. My whole body is out of whack. Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and our health. How was my body affected … Continue reading "My Body, My Codependency – Episode 204"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/feed/ 1 The pit of my stomach is churning. My neck and shoulders are tense. I don’t have any energy. My whole body is out of whack. Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and o... The pit of my stomach is churning.

My neck and shoulders are tense.

I don’t have any energy.

My whole body is out of whack.
Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and our health.

* How was my body affected by the alcoholism in my house?

* Laying awake at night worrying — tired and sleepy all the time.
* “Knot in my stomach” — From “awfulizing” and “catastrophizing” the future and worrying about the present.
* Anger and resentment — tension in my body — muscle pain


* I had no energy for anything other than stewing about my situation.

* No exercise
* Poor eating habits (junk food)
* Weight gain
* Resulting in even less energy


* The things I did to try to dull the pain.

* Eating
* My own drinking


* Feedback effects

* Not taking care of my body leads to loss of energy
* Leading to depressed feelings.
* And worry about my health.
* Without the energy to “fix” it..
* Leading to more not taking care of my body.


* How does recovery change things?
* Letting go

* When I can “let go and let God”, I can loosen the knot of worry. I can relax the tension of anger and resentment. I can get go bed at a reasonable time, because I’m not sitting up late with worry or anger (or both!)


* “Take care of myself”

* Easier to do when I start letting go of taking care of my loved one.
* Eat “right”.
* Get some exercise.
* Getting enough sleep.


* Breathe
* Meditate

* Practice being still
* Relaxing physical tension


* HALT — Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired — When I am these things, I am more likely to “act out”. Being aware of the state of my body can help me live a calmer, more serene life.
* Putting myself (my health, my well-being) first

* Putting on my own oxygen mask
* Learning to support rather than control
* Practicing gratitude and acceptance



Readings
From Courage to Change: January 21, July 21, August 16, December 19.
From How Al-Anon Works: Chapter 12, Taking Care of Ourselves.

* Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Lissie: In Sleep

R.E.M: Aftermath

Télépopmusik: Breathe

Spotify playlist


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The Recovery Show 1:02:37
Adult Children of Alcoholics – Episode 203 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/#comments Wed, 24 May 2017 02:46:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3775 Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences? The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program that focused on recovery from their experiences growing up in … Continue reading "Adult Children of Alcoholics – Episode 203"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/feed/ 1 Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences? The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program tha... Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences?
The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program that focused on recovery from their experiences growing up in alcoholic or dysfunctional families. It is a separate 12-step program similar to, but separate from Al-Anon. Emily joins Spencer to explore how ACA is different from but also works together with Al-Anon in her recovery.
Our conversation was guided by these questions.

What is ACA?

Maybe talk a little about the history? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/EarlyHistory.s)
Fellow travelers – What we call fellow ACA’s


How is it different from Al-Anon?

The focus of Al-Anon is on adult issues or spousal drinking, vs childhood issues in ACA.


What is the “laundry list”? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Laundry_List)
How is the first step of ACA different? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Steps)

“We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Why is this important?


How do ACA meetings differ from Al-Anon meetings?

Inclusion
No crosstalk


How are they the same?

Common topics


How has ACA helped you recover?
What would you say to someone who is considering attending ACA?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa: Scared to be Lonely

Lissie: Worried About

Cage the Elephant: Come a little Closer

 
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The Recovery Show 1:28:57
Letting go of the Process – Episode 105 replay - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/#respond Tue, 16 May 2017 04:16:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3771 Another busy weekend: Mothers Day and yard work. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Letting go of the Process – Episode 105 replay appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/feed/ 0 Another busy weekend: Mothers Day and yard work. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:20:38
Sam V. Open Talk – Episode 202 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/#comments Tue, 09 May 2017 02:02:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3760 I really enjoyed this open talk by Sam V., who describes himself as “a man who thinks too much.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Sam V. Open Talk – Episode 202 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/feed/ 2 An open talk by Sam V. Speaking in 2017. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 58:23
In All Our Affairs – Episode 201 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/#respond Tue, 02 May 2017 19:50:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3748 Step 12 says “… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs“. It's easy to say but harder to do. Al-Anon doesn't do me much good if I pick and choose where I'm going to put it into practice. Program works best when I embrace it wholeheartedly: give up my excuses, rationalizations, … Continue reading "In All Our Affairs – Episode 201"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/feed/ 0 Step 12 says "… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs". It's easy to say but harder to do. Step 12 says “… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs“. It's easy to say but harder to do.
Al-Anon doesn't do me much good if I pick and choose where I'm going to put it into practice. Program works best when I embrace it wholeheartedly: give up my excuses, rationalizations, justifications,
and work to make the principles a part of my daily, hourly, life. (…In All Our Affairs, Al-Anon Family Groups)
How do we take these things we talk about in here and try to learn from the meetings, and actually use / apply them to life, every day, in every way possible? Not just with our alcoholic or addicts, but with the line at the grocery store or the dreaded dmv, the person who insults or acts unkindly toward us, cuts us off in traffic, acts rudely or with hostility or anger, or takes advantage of us….?
I “carry” a “tool box” full of Alanon Slogans and sayings, and a spiritual canteen of positive past results experienced for times when I need refreshment or reminders of these results, in Life, not in the rooms. My tools are kept lubricated by prayer and meditation, calls to my sponsor and fellow members, reading, listening on phone meetings, participating in the program in various ways through service, attending meetings, and carrying the message to others by example and attraction.
Some things I do differently now:

* Asking for help.
* Taking responsibility for my actions. (Not blaming the cop for giving me a ticket.)
* Saying “no”.
* Doing my part and letting go of expectations of outcomes.
* Pause before I react. Slogans “THINK”, “How important is it?” are helpful.
* Using “neutral responses” such as “That’s Interesting”, “Let me think about that”, “I hear you”, “you don’t say”, “that’s one way to look at it”, or my favorite “Ah-Ha” or “Oh”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brandon Heath: Give Me Your Eyes

Jason Mraz: Living in the Moment

Mavis Staples: You are not Alone

Eric sent me this photo of his page of “neutral responses”. May they be of use to you.

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The Recovery Show 1:04:20
Daddy’s Medicine – Brinn Black – Episode 200 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/#comments Tue, 25 Apr 2017 09:56:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3742 Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Our conversation with Brinn was guided by these questions: Brinn, I have to say that the first few lines just grabbed my heart: When you're five you don't know there's a stranger … Continue reading "Daddy’s Medicine – Brinn Black – Episode 200"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/feed/ 3 Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Our conversation with Brinn was guided by these questions:
Brinn, I have to say that the first few lines just grabbed my heart:
When you're five you don't know

there's a stranger in your home

it's quiet but it's dangerous.

But a child's heart can tell

the meaning of a yell
Although I did not grow up in a home with alcoholism, my children did. I saw their life from the outside, but not the inside.
What inspired you to write this song?
Can you tell us more about your experience as a child with an alcoholic father?
You have said “it tore your family apart” — did he, or the rest of you, leave because of the drinking?
I used to think that my love could conquer alcoholism. So I find the lyrics of the chorus particularly poignant:
How different my life would have been

if my love were stronger than

my Daddy's medicine.
I believe that these lines express the wish and hope of every one of us who has experienced the pain of living with active alcoholism. How did you mean these lines when you wrote them?
How has this song helped you and your family to heal?
How has this song been received when you perform it?
Where do you find yourself in your journey to recovery from your childhood experience?
What has helped you in this struggle?
Many of my listeners are still living with the effects of alcoholism. What would you say to someone who grew up affected by alcoholism, and is still working to “get over it”?
Our topic for next week is “in all our affairs”. How do you use your recovery tools and principles in your daily life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Brinn Black: Daddy's Medicine

Jason Shaw: Serenity

Brinn talked about her experience watching this video of a dance set to Sara Bareilles's song Gravity.

 
 
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The Recovery Show 43:29
Roll Away the Stone – Episode 199 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/#comments Tue, 18 Apr 2017 01:02:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3738 Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away? Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16: When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of … Continue reading "Roll Away the Stone – Episode 199"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/feed/ 1 Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away? Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16: When the Sabbath was over, Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away?
Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16:
When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”
They were sure that they would not be able to roll it away themselves. And this is where many of us were when we came to Al-Anon. We were closed into the darkness of the tomb by a large stone, which we don’t know how to roll away and let the light in.
How did we get there?
I can speak only for myself.
Over the years, I slowly withdrew from active participation in life. I took “refuge from the world” and wrapped myself “in the security of darkness.” Although my life may have appeared normal on the outside, inside, I was numb and withdrawn. There was so much I (felt I) couldn’t share. So much shame and fear and anger and resentment that could not be expressed. I carried those “secret yearnings, pains frustrations, loneliness, fears, regrets, worries” hidden in the tomb, behind the stone.
Each time I failed at my self appointed task of “fixing” my loved one’s drinking … Each time I found a new reason for frustration and despair … Each time I followed my fear down the rabbit hole to inevitable ruin… Each time I exploded in rage at some slight provocation … Each of those times, I retreated further into the darkness of the tomb of my soul.
There is surely some comfort in numbness, in darkness, in retreat. I could turn inward and curl up, and escape the worries for a time. But even if my soul was entombed in darkness, my body still had to live in the world outside. There was no permanent escape, and each day I dug in a little deeper, numbed a little more.
As with the biblical story, I did not know how (or if) I could “roll away the stone.” And, actually, because the change had been so gradual, over such a time, I really did not recognize the depth of my entombment. It took a brief awakening, a “moment of clarity” to see that I was in the dark, and that I needed help.
The book of Mark continues “But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe …”  They had the help of a power greater than themselves, symbolized by the “young man dressed in a white robe”.
And so it is with many of us. We need help to roll away our own stone, to let the light in and ourselves out of the place we have  walled ourselves into. I found that help in Al-Anon.
My stone was not immediately removed, but I did start to let some light in. I began to open a crack in the shell around my fears, my despair, my resentments, and my anger. I found a place in meetings where I could shine the light of day on my shame. I found a place where life didn’t hurt so much. I found a place where the facts of my life with active alcoholism were accepted and understood. I found a place where you loved me even when I didn’t love myself.
This didn’t come for free. I had to do my part. At the beginning, my part was just coming to meetings. The hardest step of all, for me, preceded “Step 1”. It was the step into the room of my first Al-Anon meeting.
Another step was practicing “Let go (and let God)”. At first it was just “Let go”. Let go of trying to control the drinking. Let go of trying to protect her from the consequences of her actions. Let go of trying to force consequences! This was letting go without any belief in a higher power that might protect her ...]]>
The Recovery Show 41:13
Father Tom W Open Talk – Episode 198 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/#comments Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:39:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3736 As promised, here is one of my favorite recovery speakers, Father Tom W. sharing his experience, strength, and hope in Al-Anon. Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Father Tom W Open Talk – Episode 198 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/feed/ 2 As promised, here is one of my favorite recovery speakers, Father Tom W. sharing his experience, strength, and hope in Al-Anon. Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow... Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 55:20
Obsessive Thinking – Episode 197 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/#respond Tue, 04 Apr 2017 03:24:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3730 Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop? What is obsessive thinking? What are some other words? Wallowing (in negativity/fear/anger) Resentment (as we discussed last week) Ruminating / chewing over (past wrongs / future problems) Looping What sorts of … Continue reading "Obsessive Thinking – Episode 197"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/feed/ 0 Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop our obsessive thinking? Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop?

* What is obsessive thinking? What are some other words?

* Wallowing (in negativity/fear/anger)
* Resentment (as we discussed last week)
* Ruminating / chewing over (past wrongs / future problems)
* Looping


* What sorts of obsessive thoughts do I have? (… have I had?)

* Getting the alcoholic to stop drinking.
* Counting drinks.
* The problems I had in my life (as a result of the drinking).
* Money problems.
* What could happen (the worst, of course).
* Things I did that I feel shame about (kicking myself over and over.)


* Why is it a problem?

* Takes time from things I can do.
* Depresses my mood.
* Sleeplessness.
* “We who have been affected by someone else’s drinking find ourselves inexplicably haunted by insecurity, fear, guilt, obsession with others, or an overwhelming need to control every person and situation we encounter.” How Al-Anon Works Chapter 1


* Tools for relieving obsessive thinking?

* Detachment
* Slogans: “How important is it?”, “One day at a time”, “Just for today”, “Let go and let God”
* THINK / Pause (Courage to Change – Mar 4) Before I get into trouble, before I open my mouth to react, or get lost in obsessive analysis of another person’s behavior, or worrying about the future, I can Stop. Then I can Look at what is going on and my role in it. Then I can Listen for spiritual guidance that will remind me of my options and help me find healthy words and actions.
* Letting go
* Gratitude list

* Often I’ll detour at a particular letter and find myself giving thanks for apples and alexandrites, apothecaries and astronauts, ants and anchovies, or bottles and bakeries, bumblebees and blueberries, bathtubs and brushes. The more overwhelming the problem I’m entertaining, the more my gratitude list helps me. First, by taking my mind off of my obsession, and second, by reminding me of the multitude of delightful and peculiar items in the world around me. (Having Had a Spiritual Awakening Chapter 8)







* Think of something positive: “… when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I may do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive, such as an Al-Anon slogan, the Serenity Prayer, or another comforting topic that has nothing to do with my problem.” Courage to Change Nov 1.
* Do something: listen to music, go for a walk, play a game, do a puzzle …
* Serenity Prayer (praying for HP will)

* ‘We can pray, “Am I too far gone, or can you help me get out of my isolated self-obsession?” We can say anything to God. It’s all prayer.’ Anne Lamott Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers (p. 5).


* “God Box”

* On a note, I write down the name of the person about whom I am so distressed or angry, or describe the situation that is killing me, with which I am so toxically, crazily obsessed, and I fold the note up, stick it in the box and close it. You might have a brief moment of prayer, and it might come out sounding like this: “Here. You think you’re so big? Fine. You deal with it. Although I have a few more excellent ideas on how best to proceed.” Help, Thanks, Wow (p. 36).

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The Recovery Show 57:03
Resentment – Episode 196 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/#comments Tue, 28 Mar 2017 12:48:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3723 Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments? What is a “resentment”? Why is it a problem? Where do you find your resentments stem from? Anger at a past injury? Others not doing things “your way”? One method of working Step 4 (“searching and … Continue reading "Resentment – Episode 196"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/feed/ 1 Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments? Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments?

* What is a “resentment”?
* Why is it a problem?
* Where do you find your resentments stem from?

* Anger at a past injury?
* Others not doing things “your way”?


* One method of working Step 4 (“searching and fearless moral inventory”) starts by listing resentments.

* Why do you think that is?
* Why can this be a useful way of digging into our inventory?


* The book How Al-Anon Works talks about resentment in the chapter titled “Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness”.

* How do these tools help relieve our resentments?
* What other tools do you use?
* Gratitude
* Inventory
* Taking a fresh look — maybe the behavior has changed and I don’t recognize it



Upcoming topics include Alateen, Parenting, and Obsessive Thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
Psychology Today: 10 Steps to Letting go of Resentment
Tiny Buddha: 4 Powerful Tips to Reduce Resentment and Feel Happier
Music from the show
Beyoncé: Resentment

Matchbox Twenty: Disease

Steven Curtis Chapman: Miracle of the Moment

 
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The Recovery Show 1:13:59
What is Al-Anon – Episode 195 – Episode 10 redux - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/#respond Tue, 21 Mar 2017 01:34:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3717 What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps? In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, too. Upcoming topics include resentment. What do you resent? … Continue reading "What is Al-Anon – Episode 195 – Episode 10 redux"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/feed/ 0 What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps? In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps?
In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, too.
Upcoming topics include resentment. What do you resent? How is that hurting you? And what can you do about it? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener mentioned the book Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses

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Music from the show
Jeff Buckley: Hallelujah

Michael Jackson: The Man in the Mirror

 
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The Recovery Show 1:08:10
March Roundup 2017 – Episode 194 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/#comments Tue, 14 Mar 2017 02:13:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3713 This weekend, my wife and I attended March Roundup 2017, an AA convention in Dearborn, Michigan. In this episode, I reflect on that experience and hope to inspire you to attend an AA or Al-Anon convention in your area. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, … Continue reading "March Roundup 2017 – Episode 194"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/feed/ 1 This weekend, my wife and I attended March Roundup 2017, an AA convention in Dearborn, Michigan. I reflect on that experience and hope to inspire you to attend an AA or Al-Anon convention in your area. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A couple of listeners asked about online meetings. Here are some resources that I know of:
In the Rooms is an online recovery community with a forum and a variety of online recovery meetings. I have participated in the Al-Anon meeting a few times. You can join from your computer with video or audio, according to your preference.
The official Al-Anon website has listings of phone meetings and online meetings.
This is not the talk that Tom W gave at the convention, but you might identify or at least chuckle if you listen to it.
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The Recovery Show 45:10
Buck N Open Talk – Episode 193 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/#respond Tue, 07 Mar 2017 00:44:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3709 I recently listened to this open talk from Buck N. I loved his “old school” Al-Anon, his straightforward presentation, and his sense of humor. I hope you do, too. Upcoming topics include the disease concept of alcoholism. Do you think that this idea gives your alcoholic loved one “an out”? What is your understanding of … Continue reading "Buck N Open Talk – Episode 193"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/feed/ 0 An open talk by Buck N. I recently listened to this open talk from Buck N. I loved his “old school” Al-Anon, his straightforward presentation, and his sense of humor. I hope you do, too.
Upcoming topics include the disease concept of alcoholism. Do you think that this idea gives your alcoholic loved one “an out”? What is your understanding of alcoholism as a disease? How has it changed (or not) your relationship with the alcoholic(s) in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:01:21
Feelings, Recovery, Compassion, and Forgiveness – Episode 192 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/#respond Tue, 28 Feb 2017 00:52:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3706 Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking; Alateen; and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from … Continue reading "Feelings, Recovery, Compassion, and Forgiveness – Episode 192"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/feed/ 0 Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her. Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her.
Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking; Alateen; and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Our thanks to Nicole for music suggestions this week.
Brandi Carlile: That Wasn't Me

Chris Pureka: Wrecking Ball

 
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The Recovery Show 35:34
Al-Anon Slips – Episode 191 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/#respond Tue, 21 Feb 2017 03:42:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3698 What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover? What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”? What do you think an “Al-Anon slip” is? How do you know if you’re having (or if you had) one? In AA, it’s “obvious”, … Continue reading "Al-Anon Slips – Episode 191"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/feed/ 0 What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover? What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”? What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover?

* What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”?
* What do you think an “Al-Anon slip” is?

* How do you know if you’re having (or if you had) one?
* In AA, it’s “obvious”, but in Al-Anon, it’s more subtle.


* What kinds of slips can you identify?

* Controlling
* Enabling
* Emotional
* Making another person your HP


* Relate a story about a slip you had

* A big one?
* A little one?


* How did it feel the same as before recovery?
* How did it feel different?
* What program tools did you use to recover from your slip?
* How do you / can you detect that a slip is imminent and what can you do to prevent it?

* What tools/slogans help?



Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. How does your obsession with others behavior (such as drinking) make your life unmanageable? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
In response to a listener question, we suggested episode 78: Stay or Go?


Music from the show
Paul Simon: Slip Slidin' Away

Carrie Underwood: Relapse

Moby: Slipping Away



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The Recovery Show 1:26:32
Sherry S. Open Talk – Episode 190 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/#respond Tue, 14 Feb 2017 01:25:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3695 I hope you enjoy this open talk from Sherry S. I found wisdom and connection for myself. Upcoming topics include Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Sherry S. Open Talk – Episode 190 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/feed/ 0 An open talk by Sherry S. Upcoming topics include Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:17:50
Being Ready – Episode 189 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/#comments Tue, 07 Feb 2017 01:36:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3691 Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready? Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, why didn’t I come sooner? Not understanding alcoholism. I didn’t grow up with alcoholism I thought my loved one’s behavior … Continue reading "Being Ready – Episode 189"

The post Being Ready – Episode 189 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/feed/ 1 Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready? Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready?
Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, why didn’t I come sooner?

* Not understanding alcoholism.

* I didn’t grow up with alcoholism
* I thought my loved one’s behavior was a choice
* So she just had to fix it.


* Denying the problem.

* It was her problem.
* Not mine.
* She just needed to “drink normally.”


* Not seeing the problem.

* My behavior was out of control.
* But I couldn’t see that.
* I didn’t connect my behavior to the alcoholism


* Resistance

* Therapists at treatment centers suggested it to me.
* “Not my problem”
* 12 steps were off-putting
* I’m FINE
* Not relating to the video on codependency


* Shame and isolation
* So, what happened?
* A “moment of clarity”

* Yet another “friends and family day” at yet another treatment center.
* “YOU didn’t cause it, YOU can’t cure it, YOU can’t control it.”
* Recognizing that it was NOT mine to fix.
* Recognizing that I was miserable.
* The “20 questions

* There are also questions for “adult children” and teens.




* The “last resort”

* What else is there? What can it hurt to try it? (Al-Anon)
* Even then, I resisted. When a friend offered to take me to a meeting that night, I said “I need to think about it.”
* I thought about it for maybe 30 seconds.


* Did I get here “right on time”?

* I’m glad I didn’t take longer to get here, anyway.



Upcoming topics include Alateen, slogans, and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
In this episode, I mentioned the Intimacy open talks from last year.
Several listeners wrote in about Steve L's talk on fear, faith, and surrender. One asked if there are other talks by him available. I found his talk on the Recovery Radio Network, where there are other talks by people named Steve L. (But I haven't listened to them to know if they are the by the same person.)
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The Recovery Show 35:50
Detachment with love – Episode 188 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2017 05:30:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3685 Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you? We start with a reading from an Al-Anon flyer titled Detachment. What thoughts about detachment does the reading bring up for you? When you first heard the word “detachment” in a meeting, what did you think … Continue reading "Detachment with love – Episode 188"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/feed/ 2 Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you? Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you?
We start with a reading from an Al-Anon flyer titled Detachment.

* What thoughts about detachment does the reading bring up for you?
* When you first heard the word “detachment” in a meeting, what did you think it meant?
* Did “detachment with love” make any sense to you at all?
* What is the difference between detachment and distancing or separation?
* Why do I get angry? Fear. Because I care.
* Maybe I have to become “indifferent” when moving from anger to love.
* What forms of detachment have you found/learned?

* Emotional — my emotions are not ruled by someone else’s.
* Detaching the person from their disease (How Al-Anon Works, Detachment section in Chapter 11):

If someone we love had the flu and cancelled plans with us, most of us would understand. We wouldn’t take it personally or blame the person for being inconsiderate or weak. Instead, in our minds, we would probably separate the person from the illness, knowing that it was the illness, rather than our loved one, that caused the change of plans. This is detachment.

* Detaching from outcomes


* How has detachment helped you?

* Treating others with more kindness and compassion.
* Give a power greater than myself a space to come in.
* Not getting “pulled down”
* Being able to love the person while hating their actions
* Finding forgiveness
* More serenity.



Upcoming topics include slogans (what's your favorite?), Alateen, and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Dirty Projectors: What I See

Ray LaMontagne: Empty

Fiona Apple: Across the Universe

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:01:37
Fear, Faith, and Surrender – Episode 187 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/#respond Tue, 24 Jan 2017 04:41:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3681 Steve L shares his thoughts about fear, faith, and surrender in this AA talk. What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Solange: … Continue reading "Fear, Faith, and Surrender – Episode 187"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/feed/ 0 Steve L shares his thoughts about fear, faith, and surrender in this AA talk. What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Solange: Cranes in the Sky
In this episode of Song Exploder, Solange talks about how she came to write the song.

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:10:48
Expectations – Episode 186 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/#respond Tue, 17 Jan 2017 03:18:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3676 Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt? What are “expectations”? “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true? How can expectations set you up for disappointment? How do your expectations of yourself hurt you? How do you deal with other people's expectations … Continue reading "Expectations – Episode 186"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/feed/ 0 Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt? What are “expectations”? “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true? How can expectations set you up for disappointment? Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt?

* What are “expectations”?
* “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true?
* How can expectations set you up for disappointment?
* How do your expectations of yourself hurt you?
* How do you deal with other people's expectations of you?
* How do you

* let go of unrealisitic expectations?
* set realistic / reasonable expectations and boundaries?


* When has letting go of expectations improved an experience for you?

Eric referred to several other websites:

* Recovery Table blog: Expectations, Acceptance, and Serenity
* A forum discussion about boundaries and expectations.
* Change-Effect blog: expectation versus reality.

A correspondant mentioned the Hand in Hand Parenting support organization and how it had helped her.
Upcoming topics include a talk with Alateen sponsors, and the question “how am I trustworthy?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
The Rolling Stones: No Expectations

The Beatles: Let it Be

Jimi Hendrix: Castles Made of Sand

 
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The Recovery Show 1:06:22
Maria – Beyond Recovery – Episode 185 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/#respond Tue, 10 Jan 2017 04:59:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3669 How do you use recovery in your life? Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery. Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her to face two major life choices, and to decide … Continue reading "Maria – Beyond Recovery – Episode 185"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/feed/ 0 How do you use recovery in your life? Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery. Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her... How do you use recovery in your life?
Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery.
Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her to face two major life choices, and to decide to make a huge change in her direction.
How about you? What does your life look like, beyond recovery? Please contact us: call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener was helped by the meditation “A god of my understanding.”
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The Recovery Show 41:00
Recovery 2016 – Episode 184 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/#respond Tue, 03 Jan 2017 03:33:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3663 How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow. How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year? With family and friends? In my finances? In my work? In my health and fitness? In my spiritual life? How did … Continue reading "Recovery 2016 – Episode 184"

The post Recovery 2016 – Episode 184 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/feed/ 0 How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow. How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year? With family and friends? In my finances? In my work? How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow.

* How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year?

* With family and friends?
* In my finances?
* In my work?
* In my health and fitness?
* In my spiritual life?


* How did my recovery program grow?
* In what ways did I “slack off”?
* What goals did I set for 2016? How did I meet them?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or to share your experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener suggested repeating episode 101, Looking Back, Looking Ahead. Check it out if you haven't listened to it already.


Music from the show
LA Salami: Day to Day

Leonard Cohen: You want it Darker

Sturgill Simpson: Welcome to Earth (Polliwog)

 
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The Recovery Show 50:23
Christmas 2016 wishes - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/#respond Tue, 27 Dec 2016 16:02:23 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3661 My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Background music is Carol … Continue reading "Christmas 2016 wishes"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/feed/ 0 My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Background music is Carol of the Bells from Free Christmas MP3.
 
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The Recovery Show 2:05
Kathy C Open Talk – Episode 183 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/#respond Tue, 20 Dec 2016 05:27:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3656 Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. I was able to identify with a lot of what she said. In our feedback section, we … Continue reading "Kathy C Open Talk – Episode 183"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/feed/ 0 Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. I was able to identify with a lot of what she said.
In our feedback section, we had a question about online meetings. I know of several resources, but I'm sure there are others.

* The official Al-Anon website lists online meetings and phone meetings.
* The website In The Rooms has online meetings for many recovery programs.
* Other Al-Anon phone meetings are listed at phonemeetings.org.

A listener asked about boundaries, particularly looking for something to explain boundaries to her 6-year old child. We did several episodes about boundaries, but not especially aimed at young folk. If you can help with this, please contact us.
Another request is for sharings about regret. Two listeners wrote. One spoke of “The sadness, disappointment and regret I feel over having not been in a good enough mind-shape to really be there for my kids.” Another shared, “Particularly as a mother I find a downward pull toward dwelling on mistakes from the past where I let my children down by losing my temper.”
Carrie wrote to suggest topics of “tools”, holidays, and hyper-vigilance. We did talk about holiday survival previously, but it's always a good topic. On the topic of “tools”, please share your favorite recovery tool!
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The Recovery Show 1:17:14
Anger – Episode 182 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/#comments Tue, 13 Dec 2016 23:06:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3648 Do you get angry? More importantly, maybe, how do you deal with your anger? Has recovery helped you be less angry or to let it out more gently? This week, Spencer and Pat talk about anger. We are guided in our discussion by these questions. Don't we almost all get angry at some time or another? … Continue reading "Anger – Episode 182"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/feed/ 1 Do you get angry? More importantly, maybe, how do you deal with your anger? Has recovery helped you be less angry or to let it out more gently? This week, Spencer and Pat talk about anger. We are guided in our discussion by these questions.

* Don't we almost all get angry at some time or another?
* Were you allowed to get angry as a child?   
* What were you told about anger when you were young?
* When do you get angry?
* Are there patterns to when you get angry?
* What tools of the program can help you deal with anger in the moment?
* What tools of the program can help you work on the root cause of your anger?

Several listeners also contribute to and enliven our discussion by email and voice.
Upcoming topics include “how am I trustworthy?” Do you gossip? How have you learned to keep confidences in recovery? How is that an essential part of the Al-Anon program? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Pat said, when I was looking for songs about anger, all I found were, well, angry songs! So I looked up songs about conflict resolution and I found a really nice blog where the author had asked folks for songs about conflict resolution. She has two long play lists – one is mellow and one is lively.
But first, some angry songs…
“One Step Closer” by Linkin Park

Angry Heart by Black Sabbath

And, finding a way to deal…
You Can't Always Get What you Want by The Rolling Stones
Classic:

Recent:

 
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The Recovery Show 1:18:59
Keep it Simple – Episode 181 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/#comments Tue, 06 Dec 2016 04:32:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3644 Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”? Let’s look at the section of How Al-Anon Works about the slogan “Keep it Simple”. How would you relate each of these sentences to your life? When coping with the baffling and often overwhelming effects of alcoholism, the simpler and more straightforward the approach, … Continue reading "Keep it Simple – Episode 181"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/feed/ 1 Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”? Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”?
Let’s look at the section of How Al-Anon Works about the slogan “Keep it Simple”. How would you relate each of these sentences to your life?

* When coping with the baffling and often overwhelming effects of alcoholism, the simpler and more straightforward the approach, the better. The slogan, “Keep It Simple,” makes just that point.
* When life seems unmanageable or confusing, many of us unknowingly complicate matters even further by trying to anticipate everything that could go wrong, so that we will be prepared to respond.
* This slogan reminds us that we can’t control every possible outcome to every situation and that trying to do so makes our lives more difficult and more stressful than they already are.
* When we “Keep It Simple,” we try to take things at face value,

* looking at what is actually happening
* rather than the 50 things that might or might not follow.


* Perhaps we can approach large projects and challenges slowly, step by step, in manageable stages rather than all at once.
* Sometimes we must act with haste,

* but not every new task or unexpected event is a crisis.


* Our initial, fearful responses may arise more from habit rather than necessity.
* In time, we learn that if we are feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed, we may be complicating matters

* or taking on more than we can handle for this moment or this day,
* and that we may have better luck by simplifying what we are trying to accomplish.


* We can relax and try to be more gentle with ourselves,

* trusting that by putting one foot in front of the other, we will eventually get where we are going.



And a couple of related slogans:

* Easy does it.
* First things first.

Our topic for next week is anger. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
The reading “Set in Stone” is from the book Walking Towards Morning by Victoria Safford.
I mentioned some previous episodes: 180: Being Thankful, and 119: Worry.
Music from the show
Simple Gifts, performed by Yo-Yo Ma and Alison Krauss

Simplicity by Bob Seger


 
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The Recovery Show 54:14
Being Thankful – Episode 180 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/#respond Tue, 22 Nov 2016 03:50:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3637 How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation? As I approach the US Thanksgiving holiday, my thoughts naturally turn to thankfulness. In Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, we find this bit of conversation between Hamlet and Rosencrantz. Hamlet has just remarked that Denmark is … Continue reading "Being Thankful – Episode 180"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/feed/ 0 How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation? How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation?
As I approach the US Thanksgiving holiday, my thoughts naturally turn to thankfulness.

In Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, we find this bit of conversation between Hamlet and Rosencrantz. Hamlet has just remarked that Denmark is a prison, and Rosencrantz says that he doesn’t find it so:
HAMLET: Why, then, ’tis none to you, for there is

nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it

so. To me, it is a prison.

ROSENCRANTZ: Why, then, your ambition makes it one.

’Tis too narrow for your mind.

HAMLET: O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and

count myself a king of infinite space, were it not

that I have bad dreams.

And don’t we all (have bad dreams)? How can we be thankful in spite of them? How can being thankful actually help us drive away our bad dreams?
Let’s look at the reading from How Al-Anon Works on gratitude.

* “Actively practicing gratitude is one way we can promote attitude adjustment. Instead of taking for granted the many blessings in our lives, we make a point to mentally acknowledge them until doing so becomes a habit.”

* I don’t “notice” when things are going well, but
* I dwell on the times when things went poorly.


* “Writing them down in a “gratitude list” and then reading the list to our Sponsor or sharing it with other Al-Anon members helps us realize that there are many things in our lives for which we are truly grateful. “

* A to Z gratitude list
* How I felt afterwards


* “Gratitude enables us to savor the unrecognized good that surrounds us, no matter what the circumstances. As we become accustomed to noticing the positive aspects of our lives, we begin to recognize small, subtle gifts and cloaked opportunities when they appear in our day-to-day experience.”

* My winter day story — a friend helped me to see the good that had happened that day instead of “moaning” about the bad
* I remember this story and it helps me to see the positive as well as the negative.


* “ Eventually, as we continue to practice, we actually do find something to be grateful for, even in painful or difficult situations. We replace our victim mentality with an attitude of gratitude.”

* Psych ward story.


* “Instead of feeling drained, overwhelmed, and stressed by the circumstances we encounter, we begin to feel empowered and capable of coping, even flourishing, because we have learned that our Higher Power can use every situation, every relationship, every experience, to enhance our lives and foster strength, faith, and personal growth. Thus, everyone and everything has a special gift to offer us.”

* Visiting with my aging and ailing mother.
* How I felt, how I grew.


* “We need only open our eyes to see it.”

Previous episodes and blog posts on gratitude are

* Episode 129: Gratitude
* Episode 97: Gratitude 2014
* Episode 19: Gratitude
* Gratitude list 2015

Upcoming topics include anger. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:00:25
Say what you mean and mean what you say – Episode 179 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/#respond Tue, 15 Nov 2016 22:30:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3634 Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't be mean when you say it. Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness. How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order to avoid conflict? Do I continue to do that … Continue reading "Say what you mean and mean what you say – Episode 179"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/feed/ 0 Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't be mean when you say it. Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness. How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order t...
Say what you mean,

mean what you say,

and don't be mean when you say it.
Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness.

* How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order to avoid conflict?

* Do I continue to do that out of habit?


* Have I made promises or threats that I did not/had no real intention of carrying out?
* When did I say “yes” when I wanted to say “no”?
* When have I kept my feelings and wants to myself?

* Because I expected my loved ones to “just know” what I wanted?
* Because I was afraid you would disagree with me?
* Because keeping another person happy was more important than getting what I wanted?

* When is this OK?





It is worth noting, however, that if we are dealing with someone who is drunk or violent, this kind of honesty may be ill-advised. Real communication requires at least some participation by both parties, and if one of those parties is not in his or her right mind, the effort is likely to be wasted. It may even be dangerous.

* When/how did/do I say whatever is on my mind without considering whether it is appropriate?

* When do I give unsolicited advice or criticism?


* When do I repeatedly say something?

* Why?


* When do I say things I don’t really mean?

* To “get along”?
* By rote? (such as greetings or thanks)


* Do I pay attention to my tone of voice, facial expression, and body language?

* When does my attitude convey a different message from my words?


* What are some tools and principles that can help me to “say what I mean”?

* Inventory — I may not know what I believe / want / need.
* Sponsor — particularly when I was new in the program.

* Help me understand what I want.
* Help me with how to say it.


* Prayer and meditation.
* “Pause button”


* What are some tools and principles that can help me to “mean what I say”?

* I can change my attitude (my “angle of approach”).
* Acting my way into better thinking.
* Forming an intention before speaking.
* “Pause button”
* Considering my motives (a sponsor can help with this!)


* How can not “be mean when I say it”?

* HALT — if I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, I am more likely to “be mean”.
* THINK — ask myself “Is what I am about to say Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind?” If not maybe I shouldn’t say it.
* Prayer and meditation — to help smooth emotions before speaking.
* “Pause button”
* “Drop the rope”



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 54:37
178 – Boundaries “Best of” episode - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/#respond Tue, 08 Nov 2016 02:07:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3631 This “retro” episode was originally published as Episode 103. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions: Do any … Continue reading "178 – Boundaries “Best of” episode"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/feed/ 0 This “retro” episode was originally published as Episode 103. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries.
Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions:

* Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?
* How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?
* What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?
* What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated?

So we thought, “maybe it’s time to talk about boundaries again.” We actually had a couple of earlier shows around this topic. Our very first episode was a 20 minute discussion of boundaries, and then in episode 44, we talked about setting boundaries without controlling.
Some discussion/thought questions about boundaries:

* What is a boundary?
* How does it differ from an ultimatum?
* How can I set a boundary that involves someone else’s behavior?
* What can I do when my boundaries are not respected?
* How do I feel when my boundaries are not respected by someone I love?
* How can loving detachment help me to maintain my boundaries?
* What if I don’t want to follow through with the consequences of my boundary having been violated?
* What happens (to me) if my boundaries turn out to be expectations?
* How does a boundary with my own behavior differ from a boundary with someone else’s behavior?
* How can I set up and follow through with consequences on a boundary with myself?

During the show, we referred to several earlier episodes, including relapse, face to face meetings, Tradition 1, and getting started in Al-Anon.
Our topic for next week is judgement. How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Tracy Chapman – Give Me One Reason

Ani DiFranco – Out of Range

AM – Boundaries

 

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The Recovery Show 1:37:18
Knowing myself – Episode 177 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/#respond Tue, 01 Nov 2016 03:01:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3627 Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are. Why is it important to know “who I am”? What does it mean to know “who I am”? How have the Steps helped me in knowing myself? (Step 4 is the obvious one, but what about the others?) … Continue reading "Knowing myself – Episode 177"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/feed/ 0 Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are. Exploring how the steps aid in knowing myself. Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are.

* Why is it important to know “who I am”?
* What does it mean to know “who I am”?
* How have the Steps helped me in knowing myself? (Step 4 is the obvious one, but what about the others?)

* Step 1: starting to break through denial. My image of my life is not realistic.
* Step 2: Starting to see that I am not the center of the universe, and that I can ask for help.
* Step 3: Recognizing how much I want “my will”. Making a decision to ask for help, to follow outside direction. How hard it is!
* Step 4: Looking in detail at myself, admitting my assets and my shortcomings.
* Step 5: How much I really don’t want to expose my “failings”! How much I fear your judgement.
* Step 6: Coming to own my inventory. Starting to recognize some of the “why” about what I do (and don’t do).
* Step 7: Humility: I can be teachable.
* Step 8: Recognizing the ways in which my shortcomings have caused me to harm others, whether deliberately or by oversight.
* Step 9: Seeing my shame, my fear of rejection, my fear of judgement. And also my courage and honesty.
* Step 10: Continuing to know myself more deeply.
* Step 11: Getting in touch with my own spirit, getting “out of my head”. Who am I when I’m not “chattering” away in my mind all the time?
* Step 12: Recognizing the ways in which I have awakened.



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
The reading in this episode is from Start Where You Are by Pema Chödrön.


Music from the show
Jimmy Eat World: The Middle

Gnarls Barkley: Crazy

India.Arie: I Choose

 
 
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The Recovery Show 49:27
A Recovery Story – Laura – Episode 176 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/#respond Tue, 25 Oct 2016 11:48:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3620 What is your story? What brought you to recovery? What challenges have you faced? What have you found here? We had a conversation with Laura about recovery where the local language is not her native tongue. We were guided by these questions. What brought you to Al-Anon? How did you hear about or find the Al-Anon … Continue reading "A Recovery Story – Laura – Episode 176"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/feed/ 0 What is your story? What brought you to recovery? What challenges have you faced? What have you found here? We had a conversation with Laura about recovery where the local language is not her native tongue. We were guided by these questions.

* What brought you to Al-Anon?
* How did you hear about or find the Al-Anon program?
* How has your life changed since coming to recovery?

* What have you learned about yourself?
* How do you live your life differently?


* What is it like trying to practice recovery in a country that is not your own?

* Where the common language is not your first language?
* Where the culture is different from your own?
* What challenges does this pose?
* Finding meetings?
* Getting literature?
* Finding a sponsor or other “program people” to talk to?


* How has your sponsor helped you?
* What would you say to someone in a similar situation who is new to Al-Anon?

* Who has not yet come to their first meeting?



Our readings are from How Al-Anon Works, p. 30 and One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, October 23.
Upcoming topics include fear and faith, as captured in this statement from the “gifts of Al-Anon”. “Fear will be replaced by faith, and gratitude will come naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
The Police: Every Breath You Take

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The Recovery Show 47:39
Honesty – a workshop – Episode 175 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/#respond Wed, 19 Oct 2016 16:23:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3615 What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery? This workshop on honesty was presented by Michele R (AA) and Kim G (Al-Anon) at the 2013 Journey to Serenity Festival (Saskatchewan Al-Anon Adult Children Festival), October … Continue reading "Honesty – a workshop – Episode 175"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/feed/ 0 What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery? What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery?
This workshop on honesty was presented by Michele R (AA) and Kim G (Al-Anon) at the 2013 Journey to Serenity Festival (Saskatchewan Al-Anon Adult Children Festival), October 26, 2013.
In the workshop they posed these questions, from various sources, that help me explore my honesty, present and past.

* How did I fail to tell the truth as a child?
* What stories do I pass on without checking they are true?
* How do I compliment people when I feel they’ve done a good job?
* How can I tell the difference between the way things look to me and the way they really are?
* In my interactions with others do I tell the truth or do I say what I think they want to hear?
* What walls have I built to hide the person I am from others?
* How does honestly sharing the secrets of my past help me recover from the emotional damage I have endured?
* Where did I critique or put down someone else or try to hide it by saying I’m just trying to be “helpful” or giving “constructive criticism”?
* Did I try to hide a bad motive under a good motive?
* Do I spend a good amount of time on things that make the world a more loving place?
* Where am I spending energy on activities that are draining rather than life giving?
* Am I committed to participating in a community?
* Am I willing to receive as well as to give?
* Is my higher power’s opinion of me the one I value most in my life?

Upcoming topics include a personal story; faith and fear; and “who am I?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Depeche Mode: Policy of Truth

Beyoncé: Honesty

Aretha Franklin: Truth and Honesty

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:18:51
Forgiveness is critical to recovery – Episode 174 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/#respond Wed, 12 Oct 2016 03:52:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3609 What does it mean to forgive? Why do we talk of “finding” forgiveness? And who really gains from forgiveness? What does forgiveness mean? Dictionary Merriam Webster has this simple definition of the word forgive: “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)” And also this: “to give … Continue reading "Forgiveness is critical to recovery – Episode 174"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/feed/ 0 What does it mean to forgive? Why do we talk of “finding” forgiveness? And who really gains from forgiveness? What does forgiveness mean?
* What does forgiveness mean?

* Dictionary

Merriam Webster has this simple definition of the word forgive: “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)”

And also this: “to give up resentment of”
* To me?


* How did I understand forgiveness before recovery?

* Forgiving meant condoning the other person’s actions?
* If I forgave someone, I had to like them, be ok with their company?
* They had to apologize first?
* If I forgave, I had to “forget”?


* What new understandings of forgiveness did I discover?
* One of the “gifts of Al-Anon” in From Survival to Recovery is this: “As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.”

* How do I understand this gift?
* How have I seen it happen in my life?


* How does forgiveness help me?
* What if someone did something truly unforgiveable?

* How can I forgive them or their action?
* Why would I want to?


* What story or stories can I share about

* Finding forgiveness
* Having difficulty finding forgiveness
* Forgiving without forgetting.


* What would I say to a newcomer about forgiveness “the Al-Anon way”?

Join our conversation. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Christina Aguilera: Hurt

Matthew West: Forgiveness

Parker Ainsworth: The Forgiver

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:10:20
Start where you are – Episode 173 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/#respond Tue, 04 Oct 2016 01:48:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3600 Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there. Sometimes I think I need to be “ready” before I can do something, before I can make a change. But that’s not true of our program. I … Continue reading "Start where you are – Episode 173"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/feed/ 0 Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there. Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there.
Sometimes I think I need to be “ready” before I can do something, before I can make a change. But that’s not true of our program. I was able to start where I was, and I can still start where I am. How does this work? How was I able to “start where I am” at each point along the path of recovery? Because recovery is a process, not an event.

* Walking into my first meeting.

* You met me where I was. You didn’t require that I know anything, that I agree to anything, you just welcomed me.


* Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

* My first challenge – what does “powerless” mean? Can I admit that I am “powerless”? How do I recognize the unmanageability of my life? Is this where I am right now?


* Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

* I start into this step where I am: questioning the very existence of a Higher Power. Some start into this step with a vengeful, angry God. No matter where we start, we can find an understanding of this step.


* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

* If my starting point is “the meeting is my HP”, I can look for guidance and wisdom in the meeting, and try to follow that.


* Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

* This step has always met me where I was. As my starting point has changed, the inventory has also changed. My new point of view has revealed other aspects of myself, which were not visible earlier.


* Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

* My first starting point for this step was “no way!” My second starting point was “there’s some stuff I’m just not going to talk about.” I *think* that, at this time, I’ve admitted all my wrongs, but I might be wrong about that.
* Each time, there was power in the step, no matter where I started, and how “well” I did it. The point is to take the step, not to take it perfectly.


* Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

* Again, my starting point has “moved” with time. I’ve gone from “well, of course” to “um, not that one!” to “please help me to become willing”.
* I didn’t understand this step the first time I “took” it, but I did it anyway.


* Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

* What does this step mean if I don't have a concrete idea of G-o-d?
* But, I found that, when I ask for help, I find it, and I change.


* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

* The literature suggested that I can group my list into: people I am willing to make amends to, people I might be willing to make amends to, and those people who I was not willing to make amends to.
* I started there, and found that my lists changed as I moved into Step 9.


* Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

* Do the easy ones first, and don't worry about doing it perfectly!


* Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

* I started doing this step before I actually got to it. Because I didn't want to add new things to my “Step 4 inventory.”


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The Recovery Show 44:19
Why The Recovery Show – Episode 172 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/#respond Tue, 27 Sep 2016 03:42:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3595 Why is there The Recovery Show? September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, why I (with others) have created 172 episodes of The Recovery Show over the past 3 ½ years. So, … Continue reading "Why The Recovery Show – Episode 172"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/feed/ 0 Why is there The Recovery Show? September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, Why is there The Recovery Show?
September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, why I (with others) have created 172 episodes of The Recovery Show over the past 3 ½ years. So, here are some of those reasons.

* I can do it.

* Technical knowledge
* Teaching background


* Step 12 encourages me to “carry this message to others”.
* How did it happen?

* My sponsor asked me to participate in his podcast (AA focused recovery at recoveredcast.com)
* I wanted to bring a little more Al-Anon content to his podcast and he said “why don’t you start your own?”
* 2 friends agreed to help


* It deepens my own program of recovery.
* I have met (at least virtually) people from all over the US and the world.
* You let me know that it is valuable to you.
* You support me.

* Financially
* Through your sharing (email and voice mail)
* By giving me topic ideas and music suggestions.
* By participating in the show.



This is a “we” program. I cannot do my recovery alone and I cannot do this podcast alone. Even though it is often me, sitting in front of a microphone by myself, you are there with me, sitting across the desk from me, as I talk. And, I think, that is the bottom line of why I continue to produce this podcast. It brings us together in recovery; it connects me to you, and you, and you.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Kelly Clarkson – Because of You

Aerosmith – Amazing

Christina Aguilera – Keep on Singin' My Song
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The Recovery Show 38:09
Dawn C – Open talk – Episode 171 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/#comments Tue, 20 Sep 2016 02:04:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3592 This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon “long timer”, Dawn C. Upcoming topics include courage, fear, faith, and worry. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/feed/ 1 This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon "long timer", Dawn C. This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon “long timer”, Dawn C.
Upcoming topics include courage, fear, faith, and worry. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:03:14
Year of Yes – Episode 170 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/#respond Tue, 13 Sep 2016 03:36:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3587 Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”? I recently read a book, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, subtitled “How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.” Much of what I read resonated with the work I’ve been doing in recovery, so … Continue reading "Year of Yes – Episode 170"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/feed/ 0 Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”? How the "Year of Yes" parallels my own recovery. Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”?
I recently read a book, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, subtitled “How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.” Much of what I read resonated with the work I’ve been doing in recovery, so I thought I’d try to express that resonance here.

* Basic connections between her story and mine:

* Contrast between “inside” and “outside”. Or maybe I should say “outside” and “inside.”

* Outwardly successful in many ways.
* Inwardly isolating and “stuffing” (feelings and food)


* There is a “bottom” and a “moment of clarity.” Sparked by her sister’s observation that “you never say yes to anything”.

* “I am miserable. ¶ Admitting this takes my breath away. I feel as though I am revealing new information to myself. Learning a secret I’ve been keeping from myself. ¶ I am miserable. ¶ Truly, deeply unhappy.”


* She recognized the need for change, and committed (to herself and her friends) to say “Yes” to everything that scared her for a year.

* “Am going to say yes to anything and everything that scares me. For a whole year. Or until I get scared to death and you have to bury me. Ugh.”


* Emotional blackouts
* Her logic: “• Saying no has gotten me here. • Here sucks. • Saying yes might be my way to someplace better. … [or] at least someplace different.”

* My entry into recovery: Trying to fix got me here. Here sucks. Trying Al-Anon might be my way to someplace better or at least someplace different.


* Both of us have patterns set in childhood

* isolating, living in her imagination
* Fixing, rescuing, co-dependency




* Chapter titles include
* Yes to speaking the whole truth

* My recovery: knowing who I am and living it. Being authentic.


* Yes to surrendering the Mommy War

* My recovery: It is ok to ask for (and accept) help


* Yes to all play and no work

* My recovery: take time for the things that feed ME, my soul


* Yes to my body

* My recovery: Take care of myself


* Yes to joining the club

* My recovery: I am a capable person, I have strengths, I don’t have to hide them, and I don’t have to compare myself to others (to my detriment)


* Yes, Thank You

* My recovery: I can accept praise without diminishing it. “Thank you.” is a complete sentence.


* Yes to more year of yes

* My recovery: This is a lifelong process. And I want to do it.


* Yes to No, Yes to difficult conversations

* My recovery: I can say “no”. (“No.” is a complete sentence.)


* Yes to people

* My recovery: I am not alone. The recovery community is here for me.
* My family is here for me.


* Yes to who I am

* My recovery: learning who I am, and loving who I am (and changing the things I don’t want to be.)



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

 
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The Recovery Show 43:31
Feelings – Episode 169 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/#respond Tue, 06 Sep 2016 03:39:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3583 Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts? Were you able to identify feelings (before recovery)? What did you feel? Did you feel? Did you think that certain feelings were “good” and others were “bad”? Did it seem you had … Continue reading "Feelings – Episode 169"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/feed/ 0 Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts? Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts?

* Were you able to identify feelings (before recovery)?
* What did you feel?
* Did you feel?
* Did you think that certain feelings were “good” and others were “bad”?
* Did it seem you had to act on/react to your feelings?
* How did you deny/push down/hide from feelings?
* Have you heard the saying, “feelings are not facts”?
* What does it mean to you?
* How do you use it now?
* Have you found a “feeling vocabulary” in recovery?
* How do you respond to feelings now?
* How are you able to feel, but act from your head?
* How can you accept that you have feelings, and that they do not have to control your actions?
* How have your feelings changed?
* What slogans or tools help you to deal with how you feel?

* Let go and let God.
* This too shall pass.
* Just for today.
* One day at a time.
* Easy does it.
* First things first.
* Prayer and meditation.
* Inventory


* How have you become more aware of and able to feel?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Linkin Park: Numb

Margaret Glaspy: Emotions and Math

Adele: Hello

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:16:59
Spencer’s Open Talk – Episode 168 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/#respond Tue, 30 Aug 2016 04:01:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3579 What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now? Spencer was invited to give an “open talk” recently, and he elected to use this traditional format. It starts with “what happened?” With that moment when the reality of his powerlessness and the unmanageability of his life crashed down on him. When he … Continue reading "Spencer’s Open Talk – Episode 168"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/feed/ 0 What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now? Spencer was invited to give an "open talk" recently, and he elected to use this traditional format. What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now?
Spencer was invited to give an “open talk” recently, and he elected to use this traditional format.
It starts with “what happened?” With that moment when the reality of his powerlessness and the unmanageability of his life crashed down on him. When he heard that “You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.” And when those words lifted a weight from his shoulders that he hadn't realized he was carrying. That he had been trying to accomplish the impossible: to make his loved one stop drinking.
He came to see that his journey to Al-Anon has really started much earlier. He believed that it was his job, his task in life, to “rescue” others. And so, maybe it is no surprise that he fell in love with and married an alcoholic. Because, who needs “fixing” or “rescuing” more than an alcoholic. Not that he recognized that at the time!
He came to his first Al-Anon meeting almost unwillingly. After all, he was not the one with the “problem.” But nothing was working, and his life was miserable, so maybe, just maybe, this Al-Anon thing would help.
His recovery story includes coming to understand what “working the steps” means, and learning to trust others with the reality of his life. It includes finding freedom from anger, fear, despair, and rage. It includes experiencing serenity, even when his life was still in the midst of chaos.
And, it includes finding an answer to what seemed an unanswerable question: “I can't live this way, but I can't leave either. What can I do!?” The answer turns out to be “I can live.”
Upcoming topics include sorrow and feelings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 52:06
Serenity – Episode 167 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/#comments Tue, 23 Aug 2016 04:29:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3575 What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it? Let’s start with a definition: (dictionary.com) 1. the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness. 2. A title of honor, respect, or reverence, used in speaking of or to a certain member of royalty (usually preceded by his, your, etc). Synonyms 1. … Continue reading "Serenity – Episode 167"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/feed/ 1 What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it? What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it?
Let’s start with a definition: (dictionary.com)
1. the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness.

2. A title of honor, respect, or reverence, used in speaking of or to a certain member of royalty (usually preceded by his, your, etc).
Synonyms

1. Composure, calm, peacefulness, peace.
Antonyms

1. Agitation

* How did you conceive of serenity before recovery?
* Did you think your whole life had to be “serene” in order for you to have personal serenity?
* How did you act in ways that pushed serenity out of my life?
* When you heard the Al-Anon suggested welcome, did these words make sense to you?

* Did they seem unattainable?
* Did they give you hope?

“We urge you to try our program. It has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serenity. So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.”



* Do you recall experiencing serenity, perhaps briefly, as you started to work the program?

* What happened?
* What did it feel like?
* How did you recognize it?


* Reading: Hope for Today, May 20.

“The serenity I am offered in Al-Anon is not an escape from life. Rather it is the power to find peacefulness within life.”

“Al-Anon does not promise me freedom from pain, sorrow, or difficult situations. It does, however, give me … the necessary skills for maintaining peace of mind, even when life seems most unbearable.”

* What tools have you found for maintaining or restoring your serenity?

* Trust in a Higher Power. Let go and let God.
* Detachment.
* Just for today.
* One day at a time.
* Talk to a program friend.


* “Exercising” spiritual “muscles” by working the steps, going to meetings, reading the literature, etc.
* Do you think serenity is a state of being, or an attitude? Or a little of both?
* What would you say to a newcomer who is living a life full of “agitation” with little or no serenity?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
The Chainsmokers: Don't Let Me Down (ft. Daya)

Florence and the Machine: Shake it Out

Coldplay: Adventure of a Lifetime

 
 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:20:35
Confession, Redemption, and Forgiveness – Episode 166 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/#respond Tue, 16 Aug 2016 02:37:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3564 “I've got a confession to make.” How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?! What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? (Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.) How does the inventory and … Continue reading "Confession, Redemption, and Forgiveness – Episode 166"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/feed/ 0 "I've got a confession to make." How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?! What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? “I've got a confession to make.”
How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?!
What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? (Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.) How does the inventory and self-examination of Step 4 make it possible to honestly make that confession? (Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.) How do these combine to give us ownership of our own faults, so that we are ready to change? (Step 6, Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.) And to ask for help in changing ourselves? (Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.) Is it possible to truly “make it right” with those we hurt without having first made confession from the depth of our being? (Steps 8 and 9, Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.) Confession, in Steps 5 and 9, is a cornerstone of recovery, and makes it possible to find redemption and forgiveness.
Our topic for next week is either serenity or shame. Both start with the letter “s” but are otherwise pretty much unrelated. (How) have you found serenity? What does it mean to you? Or… Does shame still dominate your life? How has recovery helped you to move into and through your shame? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
We talked about a litany of atonement, with the refrain “We forgive ourselves and each other. We begin again in love.
Suzanne loves the meditation podcast 60 Seconds of Solitude.
Spencer has been reading and enjoying the memoir Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety, by Sacha Z. Scoblic.
Music from the show
Jessica Andrews: Who I Am

U2: Sometimes You can't Make it on your own

Sara Bareilles: Say You're Sorry

 
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The Recovery Show 46:41
Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 4 – Episode 165 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/#respond Tue, 09 Aug 2016 12:24:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3553 This is part 4 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 10 through 12. The previous episodes are Part 1, Steps 1-3: Episode 158 Part 2, Steps 4-6: Episode 159 Part 3, Steps 7-9: Episode 162 In full, the 12 Steps of Al-Anon … Continue reading "Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 4 – Episode 165"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/feed/ 0 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled "Stepping Stones to Serenity", presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9. This is part 4 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 10 through 12.
The previous episodes are

* Part 1, Steps 1-3: Episode 158
* Part 2, Steps 4-6: Episode 159
* Part 3, Steps 7-9: Episode 162

In full, the 12 Steps of Al-Anon are

* We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
* Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
* Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
* Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
* Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
* Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
* Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
* Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
* Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
* Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
* Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

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The Recovery Show 59:27
Choices – Episode 164 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/#comments Tue, 02 Aug 2016 03:58:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3539 Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery? Choice Before Recovery Did you feel you had choices in your life? Did it seem like, when you had a choice, it was either/or, with no 3rd possibility? Were you “allowed” to change your … Continue reading "Choices – Episode 164"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/feed/ 2 Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery?
Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery?
Choice Before Recovery

* Did you feel you had choices in your life?
* Did it seem like, when you had a choice, it was either/or, with no 3rd possibility?
* Were you “allowed” to change your mind?
* How did you make decisions?

* Little ones? (What to have for dinner, what movie to see.)
* Big ones? (Which job to take, where to live.)



Choice in early recovery

* What messages about choice did you hear when you started attending Al-Anon?
* Was it a surprise to hear that you had choices? That you had more than 2 alternatives?
* What did you hear about making choices to take care of yourself?
* What if you didn’t know which answer was the “right” one?

Choice now

* What tools of the program can you use to help you make a choice?
* Which slogans are helpful?
* How do you use prayer and meditation in making decisions?
* How can taking inventory help?
* Have you found that you can choose your attitude? Acceptance? Gratitude?

Upcoming topics include sadness. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
Eric recommended the Insight Timer meditation app.
Music from the show
Gomez: Options

Natasha Bedingfield: Unwritten

George Harrison: Any Road

 
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The Recovery Show 1:28:11
Rediscovering Myself – Episode 163 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/#comments Tue, 26 Jul 2016 03:56:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3536 Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now? In what ways did I lose myself “before program”? Focus on the alcoholic Taking care of others before myself Belief that others must participate in everything — I can’t do something if my … Continue reading "Rediscovering Myself – Episode 163"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/feed/ 1 Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now? In what ways did I lose myself “before program”? Focus on the alcoholic Taking care of others before myself Belief that others must partici... Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now?

* In what ways did I lose myself “before program”?

* Focus on the alcoholic
* Taking care of others before myself
* Belief that others must participate in everything — I can’t do something if my partner doesn’t want to.
* Isolation and withdrawal from life / activities
* Expectation that my loved ones would read my mind
* Expecting others to make me happy


* What messages did I first hear in Al-Anon that started me to rediscovering myself?

* Take care of myself.
* Detachment with love.
* It’s ok to ask for what I want.


* What have I found out about myself in recovery?

* Things I like (to do).
* Things I don’t like that I thought I had to like because others like them.
* New insights into my character
* New things that I never thought I would like


* What did I forget about myself that I have rediscovered?

Upcoming topics include choices and sadness. We will also explore the statement “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” to see how it has come true for us. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime

Sara Bareilles – Brave

Rachel Platten – Fight Song

 
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The Recovery Show 1:25:19
Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 3 – Episode 162 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/#respond Tue, 19 Jul 2016 01:45:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3528 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/feed/ 0 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9. This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9.
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The Recovery Show 52:03
Dancing with Dementia – Episode 161 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/#respond Tue, 12 Jul 2016 04:08:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3523 How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other? The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. This week I will be visiting my parents, who may or not have diagnosed dementia, but who are definitely … Continue reading "Dancing with Dementia – Episode 161"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/feed/ 0 How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other? The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other?
The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. This week I will be visiting my parents, who may or not have diagnosed dementia, but who are definitely becoming less engaged in life, and it hurts.
My brother, my sister, and I have decided to try to have “the talk” with them about aging, about whether they need help in daily living, and about whether they might consider starting to think about moving into an assisted living situation. It won’t be easy.
I also reflected on how my feelings and reactions in this situation parallel my feelings and reactions to active alcoholism, when that was happening in my life. Which brings me to the question, how can I use these tools in this new situation?
The keys seem to be these:

* Dementia is a disease, just as alcoholism is a disease.
* I can meet them where they are.
* I can live in the moment.
* I can find compassion for my loved ones.
* I can recognize and feel my grief, and have compassion for myself.

An upcoming topic is the “gift of Al-Anon” that says “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” How do you see this coming true in your recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show

This is the song that he wrote for Barbara Brussell, a friend of one of his daughters. Barbara was a high school dance student who was seriously injured in a car accident involving a drunk driver that killed her teacher and two of her classmates. Her knee was so badly damaged that it was doubtful that she would ever walk again, let alone dance. He visited her in the hospital and bet her that within a year she would come dancing up the road to his home in Big Sur to a song that he would write. The song he wrote within a few days was Let It Be A Dance. A year later, she came dancing, limping, but dancing up the road as he played his guitar and sang, “Let it be a dance we do./ May I have this dance with you?/ Through the good times/ And the bad times, too,/ Let it be a dance.”
 
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The Recovery Show 38:20
Step 1: Powerlessness and Power – Episode 160 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/#respond Wed, 06 Jul 2016 01:41:59 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3519 What does it mean to be powerless? How can admitting powerlessness give you power over the unmanageability of your life? Spencer and Tom, joined virtually by Sara and Gerrie talk about Step 1, We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable. Why is it difficult to admit my powerlessness? How … Continue reading "Step 1: Powerlessness and Power – Episode 160"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/feed/ 0 http://podcast.therecoveryshow.com/160-step-1.jpg What does it mean to be powerless? How can admitting powerlessness give you power over the unmanageability of your life?
Spencer and Tom, joined virtually by Sara and Gerrie talk about Step 1, We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable.

* Why is it difficult to admit my powerlessness?
* How do the effects of alcoholism make my life unmanageable?
* What is my “First Step story”?
* What keeps me holding on to the illusion that I have the power to change someone else?
* How do I determine I am powerless over someone else’s behavior?
* Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does/did that change how I interact with the drinker?
* How do I react when others refuse to be or do as I wish?
* What would happen if I stopped trying to change others? ]
* How can I let go of others’ problems instead of trying to solve them?
* Do I say “yes” when I want to say “no”? What happens to my ability to manage my own life when I do this?
* How can admitting powerlessness lead me to new power?
* How does Step 1 help me let go of blame and shame?
* What tools do I use to find serenity when my life seems unmanageable?

Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Dixie Chicks: Silent House

Télépopmusik: Breathe

The Corrs: What Can I Do?

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:30:32
Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 2 – Episode 159 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/#comments Tue, 28 Jun 2016 01:03:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3511 This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6.

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 2 – Episode 159 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/feed/ 1 This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6. This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6.
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The Recovery Show 49:08
Stepping Stones to Serenity – 1 – Episode 158 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/#comments Tue, 21 Jun 2016 01:32:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3507   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.  

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity – 1 – Episode 158 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/feed/ 1   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.
 
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The Recovery Show 49:44
Seeing Clearly – Episode 157 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/#respond Tue, 14 Jun 2016 12:12:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3493 “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Our sight, once clouded… Implies impaired vision Only able to see a short distance Lacking perspective Denial Paradoxically living in the future Guilt Overcompensation I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all … Continue reading "Seeing Clearly – Episode 157"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/feed/ 0 “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.”
Our sight, once clouded…

* Implies impaired vision
* Only able to see a short distance
* Lacking perspective
* Denial
* Paradoxically living in the future
* Guilt
* Overcompensation
* I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all or nothing
* Conflict or disagreement was threatening, I did not understand collaboration.

And confused…. How was I confused?

* Impaired thought processes,
* Clouded reality also makes me think of the four M’s: martyrdom, manipulation, mothering and managing
* I was a fixer and manager, I thought that would help the situation
* I believed I was responsible for everything, I had to do everything for my family
* I had no understanding of boundaries, healthy relationships, how to nurture them,
* Any feedback or criticism was interpreted as a direct assault
* Others came first, always
* I did not value myself
* I did not believe myself loveable
* Believing that I needed to control everything and everyone
* Believing I had control over people, places, and things
* Not seeing how my life, my behavior, my attitudes had been affected by this disease.

We will be able to perceive reality

* We climb out of the clouds one step at a time
* This is part of the process, it becomes clearer the more we work the steps and use the tools of the program
* As I work the steps, I become more able to perceive reality
* Decluttering my mind and life prepares me for future growth

We will be able to recognize truth

* This is a spiritual concept.  We are spiritual beings, not just beings.
* Recognize the truth of who and what I am – both positive and negative.
* I can only do this when I believe in a higher power that I can count on to care for me
* Looking at parts of myself that I don’t like requires it being balanced with acknowledging my assets
* Like a tight rope walker with a balancing pole, have to put equal weights on either side or they will fall.
* On the other hand, this cleared vision allows me to see the behaviors of those in my life for what they were – sometimes lies, sometimes attempts at manipulating me, unnecessary or inappropriate judging coupled with condescension, sometimes attempts at preserving the status quo as I was changing,
* Allowed me to recognize the truth that my loved ones suffered from an addiction and deserved love and compassion, regardless of what choices I made for myself or what stage of their addiction they were in.

Readings in this episode are from the Al-Anon book Discovering Choices.
This is the third episode in a sequence on the “Gifts of Al-Anon“, which are described on pp. 268-9 of the book From Survival to Recovery.
Upcoming topics include Step 1 “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.” How have you found power in admitting your powerlessness? How was (is) your life unmanageble? How does this step help lead you into recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Mentioned in the show
Claire asked about setting limits on her children. We've done a few episodes on boundaries, including:
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The Recovery Show 1:36:58
Life on Purpose – Episode 156 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/#respond Tue, 07 Jun 2016 03:09:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3490 Can you say what is your purpose? How do you decide what to do on a daily basis? What do you want to be “when you grow up”? This episode is inspired by the book Life on Purpose. How has recovery challenged me to articulate my values and my purpose? What is the purpose of “purpose”? … Continue reading "Life on Purpose – Episode 156"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/feed/ 0 Can you say what is your purpose? How do you decide what to do on a daily basis? What do you want to be “when you grow up”? This episode is inspired by the book Life on Purpose.

* How has recovery challenged me to articulate my values and my purpose?
* What is the purpose of “purpose”?

* Give direction and meaning to my life
* Articulate what matters to me


* Creating my life vs taking life for granted.
* Live a longer and healthier life?
* “So let’s imagine a drug that was shown to add years to your life; reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke; cut your risk of Alzheimer’s disease by more than half; help you relax during the day and sleep better at night; double your chances of staying drug- and alcohol-free after treatment; activate your natural killer cells; diminish your inflammatory cells; increase your good cholesterol; and repair your DNA. What if this imaginary drug reduced hospital stays so much that it put a dent in the national health-care crisis? Oh, and as a bonus, gave you better sex? The pharmaceutical company who made the drug would be worth billions. The inventors of the drug would receive Nobel Prizes and have institutes named for them! But it’s not a drug. It’s purpose. And it’s free. Oh, and the side effects? More friends. More happiness. Deeper engagement in life. And did I mention better sex?”
* Eudaimonic (self-transcending) vs Hedonic (self-enhancing) pleasure.

* Eudaimonic pleasure: Connecting with our (inner) divinity, living in harmony with it.
* Hedonic pleasure: gratifying short-term desires.
* How do we do this in recovery? Step 11!


* How do I find and describe my purpose?

* Consider my different roles? Do I have a purpose in each of those roles?

* Community
* Work
* Family
* Self


* What do I want written on my headstone? (“Mentor, Husband and Father”? Or “Highest score in Candy Crush”?)


* What are my values?

* From episode 101: Integrity, Commitment, Acceptance, Love
* How do these drive my purpose?
* What other values might be part of my purpose?
* What are the values of people I admire? How do they live their purposes?


* Affirming values as a reason for behavior change enhances the ability to make that change. (Connecting to Steps 6 & 7.)

* A positive approach to behavior change.
* From AA Big Book: “On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.”
* And “When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.”


* What are my goals (based on my values)? (Statements starting with “To…”)

* To lead others into recovery. (Community)
* To create software that makes a difference in people’s lives. (Work)
* To be a loving and committed husband, father, and son. (Family)
* To be fully present and to enjoy life. (Personal)


* Self-transcendance

* Step 3 – Living according to my Higher Power’s will.
* “Make the other band members look and sound good. Bring out the best in them; that’s your job.” – CHRISSIE HYNDE
* Find a self-transcending “why” for what I do, and I will do better!
* But also: set good boundaries!


* Time management or Energy management?

* It’s really about energy management.
* Positive affirmation of values and purpose can increase energy. (also “gratitude list”)
* But not just energy – it needs direction. Without a direction, all the energy in the world is unlikely to accomplish something.
* Roughly two thousand years ago,]]>
The Recovery Show 1:09:16
Say Yes! to Life – Episode 155 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/#respond Tue, 24 May 2016 01:28:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3485 Last weekend, I drove back to the city I grew up in, to attend a memorial service for a childhood friend. As family and friends shared their memories of my friend, I reflected on the ways we say “Yes!” to life in the presence of death. This week, I am re-issuing episode 76, Loss, with … Continue reading "Say Yes! to Life – Episode 155"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/feed/ 0 I attended a memorial service for a childhood friend. Family and friends shared their memories, and I reflected on the ways we say "Yes!" to life, in death. Last weekend, I drove back to the city I grew up in, to attend a memorial service for a childhood friend. As family and friends shared their memories of my friend, I reflected on the ways we say “Yes!” to life in the presence of death. This week, I am re-issuing episode 76, Loss, with a new title. The original notes for that episode follow.
What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss affects me and those close to me, and how my response to loss is so different now than it was before I came into the program. I used this outline as a guide for my musings.

* The story.
* How did I deal with loss in the past?

* Stuff it
* Ignore it
* Numb it
* Isolate


* Other kinds of loss?

* Loss of dreams
* Loss of friendship

* Separation and divorce




* Fear of Loss
* How has the program helped me to deal with loss?

* Feel it.
* Acceptance.
* Gratitude for what was.
* Grief process — acknowledge it.
* Less guilt.


* How to deal with loss and grief

* Take care of self
* Prayer
* Ask for help
* Talk about it
* One Day at a Time
* Letting go



Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Green Day – Wake Me Up when September Ends
Jimmy Eat World – Hear You Me
 
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The Recovery Show 48:55
Mothers Day – Episode 154 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/#respond Tue, 17 May 2016 04:57:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3481 Are you a mother? What did you learn from your mother? How has recovery changed your way of being a mother, or your relationship with your mother? Inspired by the US holiday, Mothers Day, Carrie and Spencer talk about mothers, their relationship with their mothers, and being a mother. What was your mother like? What … Continue reading "Mothers Day – Episode 154"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/feed/ 0 Happy Mothers Day. Are you a mother? What did you learn from your mother? How has recovery changed your way of being a mother, or your relationship with your mother? Inspired by the US holiday, Mothers Day, Carrie and Spencer talk about mothers, their relationship with their mothers, and being a mother.

* What was your mother like?
* What was your relationship with her like?

* Loving?
* Complicated?
* Difficult?


* What did you learn from her?

* About how to live?
* About how to relate to others?
* About being a parent?


* Are you a mother now?
* What did your mothering look like before coming into the program?
* What has changed about how you are a mother since you came into recovery?
* How do you incorporate what you have learned into your mothering?
* How has your understanding of / relationship with your mother changed in recovery?
* How do you relate to your mother now?

Upcoming topics include loss and grief. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
Akilah mentioned a meditation app, Stop Breathe, Think.
Music from the show
The cast of Empire, featuring Jussie Smollet: Good Enough

Lunchmoney Lewis: Mama

Elizabeth Mitchell: You Are my Sunshine

Elizabeth Mitchell: You are my Sunshine

 
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The Recovery Show 1:26:53
Ajit S Open Talk – Episode 153 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/#respond Tue, 10 May 2016 00:59:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3479 This open talk by Ajit S was recorded at the We Are Not Saints AA roundup in 2007. I first heard Ajit on a tape or CD some years ago, when I was new in the Al-Anon. I liked what he had to say and how he said it. He has a great self-deprecating humor … Continue reading "Ajit S Open Talk – Episode 153"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/feed/ 0 An open talk by Ajit S from the We Are Not Saints AA roundup in 2007. Great wisdom from his years in Al-Anon and a unique vision of his Higher Power. Our topic for next week is Mothers Day. What was relationship like with your mother – the challenges and gifts. If you are a mother, what did your mothering look like before program (if you came after being a mom for a while), and how do you incorporate what you've learned from Al Anon in your current mothering. Men, you can contribute, too, except you probably can't talk about your experience as a mother. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Eva recommended Bob Moses with Tearing Me Up.

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:00:13
Shutting down as a defense – Episode 152 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/#comments Tue, 03 May 2016 05:19:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3475 Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense. Here's our outline: Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down? “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.” “If I don’t think about a problem, it will … Continue reading "Shutting down as a defense – Episode 152"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/feed/ 1 Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense. Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense.
Here's our outline:

Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down?

* “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.”
* “If I don’t think about a problem, it will go away.” (Tom)
* “Instead of doing something, I chew over my problems in my head, over and over.”
* “I escape into a book/movie/tv show/video game/… when I don’t want to face something.”
* “Conflict just shuts me down. Sometimes I can’t even talk.”
* “I keep busy with unimportant tasks, so I don’t have to face the things I don’t want to do.” (Tom)
* “When there is chaos around me, I can’t do anything. I just shut down and retreat into my skull.”
* “I hide by not answering the phone, or not opening mail.” (Tom)
* “I fantasize about a better future, but I don’t seem to be able to do anything about getting there.” (Tom)
* “In an airport or other public space I make sure nobody will sit next to me.” (Tom)
* “I avoid difficult conversations at all costs.”
* “There’s only one way to survive life. Shut down, or get hurt and die.”


* What have I learned about myself, and about my ways of “shutting down” and “escaping”?

* Conflict avoidant.
* Lack of self-worth/self-esteem.
* Fear of criticism, rejection, other mental/spiritual harm.
* Fear of bodily harm.
* Fear of intimacy.
* Denial — if I don’t “know” about a problem, maybe it won’t happen.
* Isolating
* Depression


* When can it be healthy to “shut down”?

* Detachment
* Taking a break
* Resting


* What tools can I use to face daily conflicts, problems, and discomfort of dealing with other people?

* Serenity prayer.
* Other prayers.
* Inventory. (I can’t change something if I don’t see it.)
* Gratitude.
* Check in with program friends.
* Living in the moment. “One day at a time.”
* Meditation.
* Practicing Step 10. “… and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
* Self-acceptance
* Vulnerability.
* HOW: “Honest, open, and willing.”
* Detachment — “it’s not me/mine”
* Scheduling activities with others to prevent a self-isolating funk
* Progress not perfection



Some online resources
Suppressing Emotions
Emotionally Closed Off: Healing Pain and Learning to Love
Why Anxiety Causes Detachment “Why anxiety causes detachment” (about the “bad” kind of detachment — distancing, emotional shutting down)
Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. This one is “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
The 12 Traditions as a Guide to Relationships (PDF)
Music from the show
Christina Perri: Jar of Hearts

Alessia Cara: Here

Cocteau Twins: Throughout the Dark Months of April and May (and, yes, I mis-stated the title as “… March and April”. Wishful thinking?)

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The Recovery Show 1:22:54
Meditation – Episode 151 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/#respond Thu, 28 Apr 2016 06:05:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3459 How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say “I need to do that!” “I've got to get into doing it regularly.” “I know it would really help me.” So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? And what ways are there to meditate? Spencer … Continue reading "Meditation – Episode 151"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/feed/ 0 How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say "I need to do that!" "I've got to get into doing it regularly." "I know it would really help me." So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say “I need to do that!” “I've got to get into doing it regularly.” “I know it would really help me.” So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? And what ways are there to meditate?
Spencer and Eric talk briefly about their (non-)understanding of meditation before coming to recovery. We explore some of the benefits of meditation. And talk about the ways in which we have practiced it. Eric points out that the key word here is “practice.” Just as we must exercise our muscles to become competent at a physical activity, we also need to exercise our “meditating muscles.” Carrie and Patty also share some of their experience and understanding.
For some articles and a video about the benefits of meditation, read on.
This short article, titled “Benefits of Meditation: The Power of the Silent Mind over the Body” quickly describes some of these benefits, including decreased anxiety and depression, along with increased pain tolerance, and and improved immune system.
A fun article about “The Most Relaxing Songs of All Time, According to Science” lists 10 songs that promote relaxation, including “the most relaxing song, ever.” Spencer recalls using the music of Enya (number 4 in the list) to calm his young children when the chaos was just too much. (Science!)
A blog post from Psychology Today, “How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation” is a brief introduction to this practice. It asks “Aren't we interested in tuning in to this natural wisdom, this brilliant sanity, that we've heard about?” Another entry from Psychology Today, titled “This is your Brain on Meditation” has more technical background about the effects and benefits of meditating.
Forbes Magazine has an article “7 Ways Meditation can actually Change the Brain“, reporting that it “helps relieve our subjective levels of anxiety and depression, and improve attention, concentration, and overall psychological well-being.”
The Insight Timer app is a great aid for iPhone or Android. Spencer also has used the Mindfulness app, which has a variety of silent and guided meditations.
Eric participates in a regular phone meditation meeting at 8:30AM (Eastern US time) 712-432-8818 and then enter the PIN 8888#. Other Al-Anon phone meetings are listed at phonemeetings.org.
Patty talked about the book “8 Minute Meditation” in her voice mail.
Upcoming topics include the promise “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
Cloud Cult: Time Machine Invention

The Scientific Power of Meditation

John Mayer: Gravity

 
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The Recovery Show 1:24:25
Your Voice – Episode 150 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/#respond Mon, 18 Apr 2016 18:55:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3451 Do you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others? I was inspired by this reading to say “No! Your voice matters!” Commitment People say, what is the sense of our small effort. They cannot see that we must lay one brick … Continue reading "Your Voice – Episode 150"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/feed/ 0 StoryDo you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others? Do you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others?
I was inspired by this reading to say “No! Your voice matters!”
Commitment
People say, what is the sense of our small effort.
They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time.
A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that spread in all directions. Each one of our thoughts, words and deeds is like that.
— Dorothy Day
Your voices, as heard via e-mail and by voice mail, form the heart of this episode. Dxpressing your experience, strength and hope, your fears, abd your questions.
Carrie sent a list of topic ideas, but more than just that — she expressed her experience and her doubts on each one. The topics are listed below, and I'd love to hear from you. Some of these, we have talked about before, but there's always more to say, especially when your voice joins the conversation. What is your experience? What hope do you offer? Where have you found strength? And what questions do you still have?

* Sleep
* Perfectionism
* How to rebuild trust when they stop drinking
* When your loved one stops drinking but won't go to AA
* Narcissism
* Al-Anon speaker talks
* How our Al-Anon-ism shows up physically
* Al-Anon slip-ups
* My first meeting
* Sponsorship – how to find one
* “Came to believe”
* Finding myself again
* Shutting down (as a defense)
* Recovery on the road
* Anger
* Carrying the message
* Gratitude
* Anything inspired by Brené Brown
* Hypervigilance
* Parenting “the Al-Anon way”

She also sent us a link to an Al-Anon speaker talk she particularly connects with. See below for the YouTube video.
If you would like to contribute your voice, please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. See our contact page for more ways to join our conversation.
Other episodes and links
Our First Meetings – Episode 26

Parents roundtable – Episode 22

Living with Lies – Episode 132

Sponsorship – Episode 25

Sponsorship Round Table – Episode 32

Carrie sent us these links with quotes about failure:

* http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_failure.html
* https://www.pinterest.com/lisaboerum/failure/

An Al-Anon speaker talk

 
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The Recovery Show 37:38
Fourth Step Inventory – Episode 149 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/#respond Mon, 11 Apr 2016 23:33:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3446 Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the “How it Works” chapter in the AA Big Book. There are 4 worksheets, corresponding to the 4 inventory … Continue reading "Fourth Step Inventory – Episode 149"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/feed/ 0 Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the "How it Works" chapter in the AA Big Book. Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the “How it Works” chapter in the AA Big Book.
There are 4 worksheets, corresponding to the 4 inventory categories listed in the Big Book: resentments, fears, sex conduct, and harms to others. Each worksheet has 4 or 5 columns to be filled in, one column at a time.
For example, in the worksheet for fears, the first column is headed “What am I afraid of?” In this column, I might list financial insecurity, (negative) judgement by others, people not liking me, etc. I should finish this column before moving on. The second column heading asks “Why do I have the fear?”. I might say “because I never seem to have as much money as I want” in the first row, and so on. The 3rd column is titled “Which part of self have I been relying on that has failed me?” It has sub-headings “self-reliance”, “self-confidence”, “self-discipline”, “self-will”, and a blank space to enter other parts of self, if these don't fit your case. In my first row, I might check “self-reliance” and “self-discipline”. In the second and third, I will clearly mark “self-confidence”. The fourth column asks “What part of self does the fear affect?”, and has these subheadings: Self esteem, pride, emotional security, pocketbook, ambitions, personal relations, and sex relations. Again, I will fill these in from top to bottom. In the first row, I check self esteem, emotional security, pocketbook, and ambitions. In the second, self esteem, pride, and personal relations. And so on.
The other worksheets are arranged similarly. In each, you fill in columns from top to bottom, as completely as possible, before moving on to the next column. Mike and David work through several examples, and provide explanations of what some of the words and concepts mean to them. Members of the audience chime in with suggestions and questions. I feel that I have a better understanding now of how I could use these worksheets, having listened to their presentations.
Our topic for next week is meditation. Do you meditate? How? Does the idea of sitting still and thinking of “nothing” just seem impossible? Are there are other ways to meditate? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 1:24:59
Worthy of Love – Episode 148 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/#respond Tue, 05 Apr 2016 03:28:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3439 We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. What does this mean to you? If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it? … Continue reading "Worthy of Love – Episode 148"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/feed/ 0 We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.

* What does this mean to you?
* If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it?

* would you have made sense of it at all?
* would you have believed it could be true for you?
* Did parts of that statement seem true already? Which parts and why?


* What does it mean to you

* To be worthy of love?
* To be worthy of loving?
* To love without losing yourself?
* To accept love?


* As you have traveled your recovery path, how has your understanding of this statement changed?

* Are there parts you thought were true that you came to see were not true?
* Did parts of it start to make sense?
* Did you find a deeper understanding of parts of it?
* Did you see that this was true of others in the program, and come to want it for yourself?


* How do you see this gift coming true in your life today?
* What progress do you still look forward to?
* What would you say to a newcomer who can’t believe this could ever come true in their own life?

Upcoming topics include meditation and recovery while traveling. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Mentioned in the show
Episode 77 Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay?
Episode 65 Hope
Swetha and Kelli's goodbye letter.
Music from the show
Sara McLachlan: I will Remember you

Miranda Cosgrove: Hey You

Mary Lambert: Body Love

Trigger warning: self-harm
 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:04:01
Roll Away the Stone – Episode 147 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/#respond Tue, 29 Mar 2016 03:20:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3432 “Who will roll away the stone?” The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial. In Al-Anon, we find that help. It might come from recognition that we are not alone, that others have been where we … Continue reading "Roll Away the Stone – Episode 147"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/feed/ 0 "Who will roll away the stone?" The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial. “Who will roll away the stone?”
The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial.
In Al-Anon, we find that help. It might come from recognition that we are not alone, that others have been where we are, and have found serenity and happiness despite the unmanageability brought by alcoholism and addiction. It might come from working the 12 steps, and from the tools of our program of recovery. It might come from the love and support of a Higher Power that some of us name God. But however it might come, it does come when we seek it and work for it.
Happy Easter, and may you find the recovery you are seeking. May you find the help you need to roll away your stone.
The opening reading is from the blog Nancy's Chutney, titled Resurrection from deadness.
Upcoming topics include meditation and another of the “Gifts of Al-Anon.” We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. How do you see this coming true in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Mott the Hoople: Roll Away the Stone

Leon Russell: Roll Away the Stone

Mumford and Sons: Roll Away your Stone

Bonus: L suggested “Father in a Bottle” by Annie Humphrey. L says “Her song describes the sadness and loss from the perspective of a daughter of an alcoholic father in a very simple yet reflective way.”

 
 
 
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The Recovery Show 24:57
Emotional Safety – Episode 146 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/#comments Tue, 22 Mar 2016 12:15:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3428 Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety. Thought questions for this discussion include these: What is emotional safety? What is emotional security? How do they relate to each other and how are they different? How are emotional safety and security threatened? What happens … Continue reading "Emotional Safety – Episode 146"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/feed/ 2 Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety. Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety.
Thought questions for this discussion include these:
What is emotional safety? What is emotional security? How do they relate to each other and how are they different?
How are emotional safety and security threatened? What happens to us internally when we feel under threat?
Is emotional abuse less “real” than physical abuse?
How can Al-Anon help us recover and regain our feelings of emotional safety and security? What tools help? Which steps? How do we provide a safe environment for healing in our meetings? In face-to-face interactions with a sponsor or program friend?
Resources that we used in this episode include:

* Emotional Safety: How it Works or Doesn't (Psychology Today)
* Emotional Safety: What Does It Really Mean? (Psychology Today)
* Keeping a Relationship Emotionally Safe (SSA Magazine)
* Tips for Enhancing Emotional Safety (National Center for Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health tipsheet)
* Emotional Safety: What it is and Why it's Important (family-marriage-counseling.com)
* Rebuilding Emotional Safety In Your Damaged Relationship (CompulsionSolutions.com)

Our topic for next week is one of the gifts of Al-Anon: “We will discover that we are both worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.” Do you feel worthy of love? Can you love without losing yourself? How has this changed in recovery?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Grimes: Oblivion

Mandisa: Overcomer

Christina Aguilera: The Voice Within

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The Recovery Show 1:00:09
So, You Love an Alcoholic – Episode 145 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/#respond Thu, 17 Mar 2016 01:33:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3426 Do you love an alcoholic? Has that love brought you fear, anger, shame, and joy? 3 Al-Anon speakers from a session at the 2015 AA International Convention share their experience, strength, and hope. A listener emailed with a question about emotional abuse and emotional safety. Have you felt emotionally unsafe? Have you dismissed those feelings … Continue reading "So, You Love an Alcoholic – Episode 145"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/feed/ 0 Do you love an alcoholic? Has that love brought you fear, anger, shame, and joy? 3 Al-Anon speakers from a session at the 2015 AA International Convention share their experience, strength, and hope. A listener emailed with a question about emotional abuse and emotional safety. Have you felt emotionally unsafe? Have you dismissed those feelings because you were physically safe? How has recovery helped you move forward and become emotionally secure? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
The meditation Let God was enjoyed by another listener.


Music from the show
Lori McKenna: Drinking Problem

Concrete Blonde: Joey

Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats: S.O.B.

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:18:17
The 4 M’s – Episode 84 redux - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2016 00:47:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3423 Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Spencer had a very full weekend, so please enjoy this “best of” … Continue reading "The 4 M’s – Episode 84 redux"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/feed/ 1 Do you try to do it all? To take care of others? To force outcomes? Are you unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom.
Spencer had a very full weekend, so please enjoy this “best of” episode.
Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the “4 M's” and how the program has helped us to rely less on these crutches.

* How do/did I try to manipulate others?

* “Setting up” a situation
* passive/agressive behavior


* How do/did I try to manage and control my live and the lives of those around me?

* How have I taken on responsibilities that were not mine?
* Have I ever been called a control freak?


* How do/did I mother others by “cleaning up” their problems, by doing things for them, etc?
* How have I played the martyr. What did I hope to gain?
* What tools does Alanon give us?
* Inventory – recognizing my behaviors.
* Loving detachment
* Self care

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Pink Floyd – Mother


 
Taylor Swift – Picture to Burn


 
Depeche Mode – Martyr


 
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The Recovery Show 1:25:24
Joy, Fulfillment and Wonder – Episode 144 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/#respond Tue, 01 Mar 2016 12:46:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3404 Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come? In this first episode in a series, we explore a “Gift of Al-Anon“. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though … Continue reading "Joy, Fulfillment and Wonder – Episode 144"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/feed/ 0 Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come? Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come?
In this first episode in a series, we explore a “Gift of Al-Anon“.
We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
Spencer and Brooke explore how this gift is appearing in their lives, guided by these questions.

If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it?

would you have made sense of it at all?
would you have believed it could be true for you?
Did parts of that statement seem true already? Which parts and why?


As you have traveled your recovery path, how has your understanding of this statement changed?

Are there parts you thought were true that you came to see were not true?
Did parts of it start to make sense?
Did you find a deeper understanding of parts of it?
Did you see that this was true of others in the program, and come to want it for yourself?


How do you see this gift coming true in your life today?
What progress do you still look forward to?
What would you say to a newcomer who can’t believe this could ever come true in their own life?

Upcoming topics include recovery in divorce. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Joseph suggested “The Weight” by The Band as a song that feels good.

Susan said “it reminds me of my recovered self” when she recommended “Inner Ninja” by Classified.

About “Lost in my Mind” by The Head and the Heart, Kathleen wrote
I love this song for its tone of compassion for overthinking and obsessive thinking. It was a theme song in the movie Silver Lining Playbook and I just heard it performed by staff and some patients at a charity event at the mental health facility, Skyland Trail in Atlanta, GA. Very powerful moment for me as an Alanon and mom of a daughter with bipolar disorder.

 
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The Recovery Show 1:00:51
God of our Understanding – Episode 143 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/#respond Tue, 23 Feb 2016 00:41:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3398 What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God? Two speakers from a NA convention share their experience finding a God of their … Continue reading "God of our Understanding – Episode 143"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/feed/ 0 What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God? What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God?
Two speakers from a NA convention share their experience finding a God of their understanding. (From the Recovery Radio Network.)
Our topic for next week is the first in a series on the “gifts of Al-Anon.”
We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
How have you found this coming true in your life? Or are you still waiting?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Filled with Loving Kindness

U2: I Still Haven't Found what I'm Looking for

Leann Rimes: Amazing Grace

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:09:04
Love and Alcoholism – Episode 142 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/#respond Tue, 16 Feb 2016 05:09:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3390 What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart. The ancient Greeks had 4 words for different kinds of love. In English, we have to use adjectives to distinguish them. These include Romantic love Sexual love Parental love Familial … Continue reading "Love and Alcoholism – Episode 142"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/feed/ 0 What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart. What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart.
The ancient Greeks had 4 words for different kinds of love. In English, we have to use adjectives to distinguish them. These include

Romantic love
Sexual love
Parental love
Familial love
Obsessive love
Compassionate love
Love of humanity
Unconditional love

In an alcoholic relationship, love can become poisoned, eventually turning into dislike or hate. We can feel both of these emotions at once, which is certainly confusing. Our recovery tools can help to detangle this messy web of feelings. By learning about the disease of alcoholism, we can begin to find compassion for our loved one, and to separate the person from the effects of the disease. This can help us to detach with love, and to find a way to live our life with balance and serenity, even while the alcoholic behavior continues.
Fear of consequences to a love one can compel us to try to control their actions and outcomes. As the reading about Step 1 in How Al-Anon Works states,
… many of us have confused love with interference. We don’t know how to show affection or support without giving advice, seeking to sway another’s decisions, or trying to get those we love to do what we think will bring them happiness. We confuse caring with controlling because we don’t know how to allow others the dignity of being themselves.
We can treat our loved ones as helpless babies who must be protected and helped. Such behavior is appropriate for a baby or young child. But we need to let go of doing that for the adults in our lives. As a child grows up, our love demands that we let them learn to do things for themselves and experience consequences, so that they will be able to live independently as adults.
In the suggested Al-Anon closing, we are told that
… though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way— the same way we already love you.
It is also said that in recovery, “we love you until you can learn to love yourself.” What does this mean? We have learned to love ourselves as our higher power loves us – unconditionally – strengths, flaws, and all. And thus, we learn to see you as a lovable human being, struggling to recover from the effects of alcoholism or addiction, and we can love you just as you are.
Upcoming topics include recovery in divorce, and the “gifts of Al-Anon”. The first of these states, “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How is this gift coming true in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
In this show, I recommended a talk titled “God of our Understanding” at the Recovery Radio Network. They have a huge database of recovery talks, and also deliver a new talk every week day as a podcast to which you can subscribe.
I also talked about an episode of On Being with the brain surgeon James Doty in which he talks about how changing his attitude – changing how he looked at his life and his situation – enabled him to break out of his alcoholic family situation and led him to a “vision that anything and everything was possible.”
Recently,]]>
The Recovery Show 1:04:16
Intimacy – Episode 141 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2016 05:54:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3382 Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal self disclosure and candor. Spencer recently was a speaker at an open panel meeting titled “The Effects of Alcoholism and Addiction on Intimacy and … Continue reading "Intimacy – Episode 141"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/feed/ 2 Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal se... Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal self disclosure and candor.
Spencer recently was a speaker at an open panel meeting titled “The Effects of Alcoholism and Addiction on Intimacy and Sexual Relationships”. Hear his sharing about how his ability to be intimate was damaged by alcoholism, and how he is rediscovering intimacy in recovery.
Tom and Grace also attended the panel, and we talk about what we expected, what happened, and how it touched us.
Grace shares her experience as an organizer of the meeting. We recognize that these topics are not ones that we frequently talk about in our meetings. Intimacy and sex are severely affected in alcoholic relationships, and we need to be talking about them more than we do.
One upcoming topic is recovery in divorce. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
The Al-Anon WSO is soliciting shares for a new publication on Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships. If you would like to share your experience, strength, and hope, please use these guidelines to do so.
Claire recommended these books for Adult Children:



 


Music from the show
Tori Amos: Enjoy the Silence

Jamyang: Things We Ought to Say

Vienna Teng: Eric's Song

 
 
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Sponsorship: a prompt – Episode 140 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/#respond Tue, 02 Feb 2016 03:53:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3377 Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it! Two of us share our experience as a sponsor, and of being sponsored, and then challenge you to share your experience, strength, … Continue reading "Sponsorship: a prompt – Episode 140"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/feed/ 0 Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it! Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it!
Two of us share our experience as a sponsor, and of being sponsored, and then challenge you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us.
Upcoming topics include the first gift of Al-Anon: “1. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. See our contact page for detailed information about how to join our conversation.


Music from the show
The Hollies: He Ain't Heavy (He's my Brother)

Pearl Jam: Force of Nature

John Lennon: Imagine

 
 
 
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The Recovery Show 43:33
It’s a We program – Episode 139 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/#respond Tue, 26 Jan 2016 03:50:50 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3373 The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope? All the steps (not just the first) start with “we”. The AA big book prefaces the steps with “Here are … Continue reading "It’s a We program – Episode 139"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/feed/ 0 The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope? The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope?


All the steps (not just the first) start with “we”.

The AA big book prefaces the steps with “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:”
The foreword to the 3rd edition of the AA “big book” says “… at its core it remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope.
We know who we mean

Tradition 3 says “… The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.”
Tradition 5: “… welcoming families of alcoholics …”


Fellowship

This word appears over 60 times in the text of How Al-Anon Works.
You may have first heard this word in the suggested opening words at your first meeting:


We welcome you to [this] Al-Anon Family Group and hope you will find in this fellowship the help and friendship we have been privileged to enjoy. We who live or have lived with the problem of alcoholism understand as perhaps few others can. We, too, were lonely and frustrated, but in Al-Anon/ Alateen we discover that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. We urge you to try our program. It has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serenity. So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.



How it works

My experience
First meeting: no longer alone (I was “one more”)
Early meetings: finding commonality
Wanting “what you had”. Others had walked this path before me.
Getting a sponsor: A personal companion on the journey. A voice that is not mine.
Working the steps in a group: coming to trust. I’m not uniquely broken. Letting go of shame.


Step 12: “… to carry this message to others”

We do this. Not professionals, not specialists, but us, and only us.
Leading the “newcomers’ meeting”. Sharing our experience, giving those new to the program a place to share theirs and to ask questions.
Being a sponsor


I say “we” because I heal when you share your experience, strength and hope with me. I heal when I become part of “we”. And we know who we mean. And each day, we become (at least) one more.




Upcoming topics include the first gift of Al-Anon: “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life?
A suggested topic is “recovery after divorce.” Please share your experience so others can benefit.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Links
Spencer was inspired to this topic by a poem “The Low Road” by Marge Piercy.
Susanne recommended http://storiesofrecovery.org/, as a resource for talks on recovery topics,]]>
The Recovery Show 1:00:47
Families – Episode 138 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/#respond Tue, 19 Jan 2016 04:06:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3368 Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery? Tom joins us, and talks about what his family was like growing up, what he brought from that into his adult life, what he rebelled against, and how he is using his recovery … Continue reading "Families – Episode 138"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/feed/ 0 Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery? Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery?
Tom joins us, and talks about what his family was like growing up, what he brought from that into his adult life, what he rebelled against, and how he is using his recovery programs to find a more balanced way of living and relating to his families — his family of origin and his recovery family.
As with last week's conversation, we were guided by these questions:

* Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in.

* Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction?
* Was there codepenency?


* What did you learn in your family of origin?

* About relating to other people?
* About keeping secrets?
* About love?


* How did these affect your life before recovery?

* Your relationships?
* Your ability to take life on life’s terms?
* Your desire/need to control others and your environment?
* If you are a parent, what patterns from your parents did you bring into your new family?
* etc?


* Alcoholism is described in our literature as a “family illness”. In what ways do you now understand this description?
* How has alcoholism or addiction affected you and your family (current or family of origin)? How has your perception of this changed in recovery?
* How has recovery helped you to develop / discover new ways of being in family?
* How has recovery helped you to be with your family of origin?
* How do you use the principles of the program (including traditions and concepts) in your family or other relationships today?

An upcoming topic is the first “gift of Al-Anon”.  It says “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life? Or are you still waiting for it? Another topic I’m thinking about is “We”. What does it mean to you that this is a “we” program? How does hearing the experience of others and sharing your own lead to recovery? To me, this is both the core and the mystery of our program.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Eminem: Cleanin' Out My Closet

The Ramones: We're a Happy Family

Nirvana: Been a Son

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:03:12
Family – Episode 137 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/#comments Tue, 12 Jan 2016 03:35:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3365 What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery? Spencer and Mara talk about family, guided by these questions. Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in. Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction? Was there codepenency? What did you learn … Continue reading "Family – Episode 137"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/feed/ 2 What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery? What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery?
Spencer and Mara talk about family, guided by these questions.

Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in.

Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction?
Was there codepenency?


What did you learn in your family of origin?

About relating to other people?
About keeping secrets?
About love?


How did these affect your life before recovery?

Your relationships?
Your ability to take life on life’s terms?
Your desire/need to control others and your environment?
If you are a parent, what patterns from your parents did you bring into your new family?
etc?


Alcoholism is described in our literature as a “family illness”. In what ways do you now understand this description?
How has alcoholism or addiction affected you and your family (current or family of origin)? How has your perception of this changed in recovery?
How has recovery helped you to develop / discover new ways of being in family?
How has recovery helped you to be with your family of origin?
How do you use the principles of the program (including traditions and concepts) in your family or other relationships today?

 
Upcoming topics include “We”, and the “gifts of Al-Anon.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Pink: Family Portrait

Pearl Jam: My Father's Son

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:18:41
Old Year New Year – Episode 136 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/#respond Tue, 05 Jan 2016 04:40:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3361 What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year? Reflect on your year past, look forward to the new year with these thought questions. In this episode, Spencer reflects on his 2015 and looks at his 2016 goals. Did I … Continue reading "Old Year New Year – Episode 136"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/feed/ 0 What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year? What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year?
Reflect on your year past, look forward to the new year with these thought questions. In this episode, Spencer reflects on his 2015 and looks at his 2016 goals.

Did I have recovery goals for 2015? What were they?
Did I have other goals for 2015? What were they?
How did I reach towards my goals?
Outside of goals, how did I work my program in 2015?
What did I find out about myself this year?
What changes have I made or been making this year?
What has changed in my life this year?
What did I achieve this year? In recovery? In my life in general?
What will I keep on doing in 2016?
What do I want to do differently/new in 2016?
Am I setting any SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound)? Why might I want to do this? Why not?

Upcoming topics include families, and balancing more than one recovery program.
What did you learn in your family, growing up? How have you carried that into your present? Was your family “crazy” or “normal”? How have you learned a new way to be in family through recovery?
Are you in another recovery program? How do you balance your programs? Did you find a difference working the steps in Al-Anon?
 Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Greg referred to the essay on Emotional Sobriety by Bill W.
He also suggested that we do a series on the Alanon Gifts.
Music from the show
Courtney Barnett: Nobody Really Cares if you don't go to the Party

Kendrick Lamar: How Much a Dollar Cost

Protomartyr: Why Does it Shake?

 
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The Recovery Show 52:16
Cooperation and balance – Episode 135 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/#respond Wed, 30 Dec 2015 06:09:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3354 Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions? Concept 11: The World Service Office is composed of selected committees, executives and staff members. How does this … Continue reading "Cooperation and balance – Episode 135"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/feed/ 0 Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions? Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions?
Concept 11: The World Service Office is composed of selected committees, executives and staff members.

* How does this concept help ensure that the work of Al-Anon is accomplished?
* How does this concept help ensure that no one person is overloaded with tasks?
* What does this concept teach me about delegation? About turning things over?
* How can I bring this concept into my family?
* What “committees” might my family have?
* Who are the “executives” of the family? What are their roles? Do those roles ever change?
* Who are the “staff members” of the family? How are they fairly compensated for their work?
* How can me “taking control” make a bad situation worse?
* How does this concept help me to pause and assess a situation before I react?
* What is my purpose? In life? In my family? In my job?

Concept 12: The spiritual foundation for Al-Anon’s world services is contained in the General Warranties of the Conference, Article 12 of the Charter.
General Warranties of the Conference
In all proceedings the World Service Conference of Al-Anon shall observe the spirit of the Traditions:

* that only sufficient operating funds, including an ample reserve, be its prudent financial principle;
* that no Conference member shall be placed in unqualified authority over other members;
* that all decisions be reached by discussion vote and whenever possible by unanimity;
* that no Conference action ever be personally punitive or an incitement to public controversy;
* that though the Conference serves Al-Anon it shall never perform any act of government; and that like the fellowship of Al-Anon Family Groups which it serves, it shall always remain democratic in thought and action.


What are the spiritual principles embodied in these Warranties?

Prudence, humility, substantial unanimity, personal responsibility, avoidance of controversy, mutual respect, and equality.


How do I practice prudence in my financial affairs?
Are there other areas in my life in which I could practice prudence?
Can I keep an “ample reserve” of all that I need? Money, energy, serenity, etc?
What is authority? Do I ever assume unqualified authority?
Can I listen to all sides before making a decision?
What is substantial unanimity?
Can I keep principles above personalities?
Do I like to stir things up?
How is my family democratic in thought? In action?
How can I use all the concepts to live my life more fully and well?

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Books
Spencer mentioned these books:



 

 


Music from the show
Alicia Keys: Superwoman

Canned Heat: Let's Work Together

LeAnn Rimes: We Can

 
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The Recovery Show 1:44:01
Holiday Survival Kit – Episode 134 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/#respond Tue, 22 Dec 2015 23:02:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3347 Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit? Here are some items from my and my friends' holiday survival kits: Plan ahead Take Al-Anon literature … Continue reading "Holiday Survival Kit – Episode 134"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/feed/ 0 Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit? Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit?
Here are some items from my and my friends' holiday survival kits:

Plan ahead

Take Al-Anon literature with you.
Talk to Al-Anon friends or your sponsor — get numbers you can call if you need to. Make sure they are in your phone or carry a phone list with you.
Talk about your anxiety or fears with a program friend.


Don’t set unrealistic expectations.
Don’t try to meet others (or your own) unrealistic expectations.
Take care of yourself.

Get enough sleep.
Eat properly.
Get enough “self time” — don’t spend all the time with your family (toxic or not!)


Have an exit plan.

Where can you go to be alone?
Have a way to leave if you need to (drive yourself, for example.)
Stay at a motel instead of in the family home, if possible (see above about others’ expectations!)
Go for a walk.
Make a phone call.
Stay only as long as you want to.
Sit at the “kids table” (they’re usually more sane than the adults!)


Plan to attend meetings.

If you are traveling, check the local Al-Anon district website for meeting times and locations. (Google “Al-Anon in city” works pretty well.)


Take the podcast with you.
Pray and meditate — keep up your recovery routines.

This can be hard when you are not in your own space. Maybe you can’t do it exactly as you do at home, or for as long, but you will feel better if you keep up whatever P&M you normally do.


Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time.
Remember, “this too shall pass.”

Upcoming topics include Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
The Pogues: Fairytale of New York

Dolly Parton: Hard Candy Christmas

Over the Rhine: Darlin' (Christmas is Comin')

 
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The Recovery Show 44:59
The 4 L’s – Episode 133 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/#respond Tue, 15 Dec 2015 05:58:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3302 In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's. Spencer and Pat discuss “listen, learn, let go, and love”, prompted by these questions. Do you try to fix others if they are … Continue reading "The 4 L’s – Episode 133"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/feed/ 0 In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's. In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Pat discuss "listen, learn, let go, and love", prompted by these questions.<br /> <br /> Do you try to fix others if they are sharing a problem or difficulty?<br /> Do you have to “be right” or have the last word in discussions or arguments?<br /> Do you feel you have to convince others of your point of view?<br /> When someone disagrees with you do you feel inadequate? do get angry or defensive?<br /> Do you have difficulty moving from PAUSE to saying something that uses the THINK (Is what you are going to say Thoughtful, Honest, I, Necessary or Kind) principle?<br /> What am I learning when I practice the 4 L’s?<br /> What am I letting go of when I practice the 4 L’s?<br /> How does listen and learn apply to Al-anon meetings?<br /> Do you take care of everyone else’s needs before listening to and addressing your own?<br /> Do others’ needs take priority before you care for yourself?<br /> Upcoming topics include Surviving the Holidays, and Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:07:41
Living with Lies – Episode 132 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/#respond Tue, 08 Dec 2015 06:11:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3297 Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery? Julia joins Spencer to talk about lies, guided by these questions. How have you been lied to (in relationships with an alcoholic or addict)? How … Continue reading "Living with Lies – Episode 132"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/feed/ 0 Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery? Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery?<br /> <br /> Julia joins Spencer to talk about lies, guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> How have you been lied to (in relationships with an alcoholic or addict)?<br /> How have you lied to yourself?<br /> How did you react to lies prior to recovery?<br /> Did you become angry? withdraw?<br /> Did you deny them? Ignore them?<br /> Did you make excuses for your loved one’s behavior?<br /> What else?<br /> Can you see your loved one’s lies as a symptom of the disease?<br /> What tools have you used to stay “sane” when you are lied to? How?<br /> Detachment?<br /> Boundaries?<br /> When does lying become a “deal breaker”?<br /> How do you rebuild trust in your loved one?<br /> Are there things you still can’t trust about them or your relationship?<br /> Upcoming topics include the 4 L's, listen, learn, let go, and love; and Concepts of service 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:05:23
Slogans part 1 – Episode 131 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/#respond Tue, 24 Nov 2015 16:48:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3286 Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … “Let go and Let God.” Spencer and Eric talk about some slogans, guided by these questions. What did you think about these slogans when you first came to the program? Was there a particular slogan that you … Continue reading "Slogans part 1 – Episode 131"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/feed/ 0 Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … "Let go and Let God." Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … "Let go and Let God."<br /> <br /> Spencer and Eric talk about some slogans, guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> What did you think about these slogans when you first came to the program?<br /> Was there a particular slogan that you first “picked up”? How did it help you?<br /> What slogans are you using at this point in your recovery / life?<br /> Easy does it.<br /> How have you used this slogan?<br /> What does it say to you?<br /> How important is it?<br /> What does this slogan remind you to do, or not to do?<br /> How has it helped your recovery?<br /> How does it help you to live with others?<br /> Think<br /> From How Al-Anon Works: “One of the effects of alcoholism is that most of us tend to react to everything we encounter, often perceiving minor incidents as major crises.”<br /> How does “Think” remind me to pause instead of reacting?<br /> How have I used this recently?<br /> In the Step 10 discussion in Paths to Recovery there is an interpretation of THINK as an acronym, giving us questions to ask before opening our mouth: Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind?<br /> How do you view the slogans now?<br /> Upcoming topics include Living with Lies, Concepts 11 and 12, and the 4 L's: Listen, Learn, Let Go, and Love. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:18:35
Clearing a Path – Episode 130 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/#respond Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:43:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3278 How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life? A few weeks ago, we posted a lead by June on the topic of “Clearing a Path”. Today, 5 listeners and Spencer respond to that lead. The themes explored in our experience, strength and hope include these: A new way of living. Finding … Continue reading "Clearing a Path – Episode 130"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/feed/ 0 How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life? How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life?<br /> <br /> A few weeks ago, we posted a lead by June on the topic of "Clearing a Path". Today, 5 listeners and Spencer respond to that lead. The themes explored in our experience, strength and hope include these:<br /> <br /> A new way of living.<br /> Finding gratitude for the things we have.<br /> Recognizing the beauty around us.<br /> Turning adversity into advantage.<br /> Serenity can exist in the midst of chaos.<br /> Writing our own story.<br /> Making our own happiness.<br /> Upcoming topics include living with lies and Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 54:16
Gratitude – Episode 129 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/#respond Tue, 03 Nov 2015 03:58:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3272 Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the “punishments” of your life? I reflect on gratitude while walking in the woods on a beautiful fall day. (How) can I say I am grateful for my loved one’s alcoholism? … Continue reading "Gratitude – Episode 129"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/feed/ 0 Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the "punishments" of your life? Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the "punishments" of your life?<br /> <br /> I reflect on gratitude while walking in the woods on a beautiful fall day.<br /> <br /> (How) can I say I am grateful for my loved one’s alcoholism?<br /> it is part of who she is -- her personality<br /> I am the person I am now<br /> (How) can I find gratitude for pain in my life.<br /> Colbert: “‘You have to learn to love the bomb.’ It took me a long time to really understand what that meant. It wasn’t ‘Laugh it off.’ No, it means what it says. You gotta learn to love when you’re failing… The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.”<br /> “What punishments of God are not gifts? … So it would be ungrateful not to take everything with gratitude. It doesn’t mean you want it. I can hold both of those ideas in my head.”<br /> ”It’s our choice whether to hate something in our lives or to love every moment of them, even the parts that bring us pain. At every moment, we are volunteers.”<br /> http://www.gq.com/story/stephen-colbert-gq-cover-story<br /> What am I grateful for today.<br /> I have a home to live in and food to eat and energy to keep me comfortable.<br /> I have a family who loves me and who I love.<br /> My body-self is reasonably healthy, despite the minor aches and pains I complain of daily.<br /> The day is beautiful, crisp, clear with bright fall colors.<br /> I have a program that helps me to grow spiritually and to become more of the person I want to be.<br /> I am the sum of my live experiences. I would not be who I am without them.<br /> What are you grateful for today? Can you find gifts in your “punishments”? The Recovery Show 52:32
Leadership – Episode 128 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2015 05:29:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3268 What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? Spencer and Akilah talk about Concepts 8, 9, and 10, which address these concerns and others. Concept 8: “The Board of Trustees delegates full authority for routine management of Al-Anon Headquarters to its executive … Continue reading "Leadership – Episode 128"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/feed/ 2 What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? Spencer and Akilah talk about Concepts 8, 9, and 10, which address these concerns and others.<br /> <br /> Concept 8: “The Board of Trustees delegates full authority for routine management of Al-Anon Headquarters to its executive committees.”<br /> <br /> How does this concept provide for consistent management of a largely voluntary, highly distributed, global organization?<br /> How do I delegate tasks in my personal life? In my work life?<br /> Once I delegate a task, am I willing to trust the results?<br /> How does this concept remind me to focus on my priorities and invest my efforts for the greatest results?<br /> How has fear of asking for help limited my ability to focus on priorities?<br /> Concept 9: “Good personal leadership at all service levels is a necessity. In the field of world service the Board of Trustees assumes the primary leadership.”<br /> <br /> What is “good personal leadership”?<br /> What is the distinction between leadership and management?<br /> What expectations do I have of a good leader?<br /> How have I served as a leader?<br /> What leadership qualities do I have? Which ones would I like to develop?<br /> How can putting the focus on myself help me to take on a positive leadership role with others?<br /> Am I hesitant to be a leader? Why or why not?<br /> What does it mean to have vision? How can I share my vision?<br /> Concept 10: “Service responsibility is balanced by carefully defined service authority and double-headed management is avoided.”<br /> <br /> Is service responsibility carefully defined in my Al-Anon group?<br /> … in my family?<br /> … at my job?<br /> When have I assumed responsibilities that are not mine?<br /> How can I encourage balanced responsibility.<br /> What is double-headed management? Why do we want to avoid it?<br /> Am I involved in any double-headed management?<br /> Am I involved in situations where one person has the responsibility, while a different person has the authority?<br /> What kind of guidelines and definitions of a project would I find helpful before accepting a responsibility? The Recovery Show 1:32:57
Step 2 – Higher Power – Episode 127 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/#respond Mon, 12 Oct 2015 21:17:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3262   Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” The episode is bracketed by a short intro and closing recorded in the northern Utah desert. Upcoming … Continue reading "Step 2 – Higher Power – Episode 127"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/feed/ 0   Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." The episode is bracketed by a short intro and closing recorded in the northern Utah desert. The Recovery Show 1:00:34
Clearing a Path – A Lead – Episode 126 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/#respond Tue, 06 Oct 2015 02:24:11 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3258 Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections. What thoughts does June's lead inspire in you? How do you relate to this metaphor of clearing a path with … Continue reading "Clearing a Path – A Lead – Episode 126"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/feed/ 0 Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections. Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections.<br /> <br /> What thoughts does June's lead inspire in you? How do you relate to this metaphor of clearing a path with the Al-Anon tools? Do you have a story of using the tools to turn an obstacle into a joy? If you were in a meeting that opened with this sharing, what would you say when it was your turn? Please share your experience, strength, and hope with us. Leave voice mail at 734-7070-8795, use the VoiceMail button on the website, or perhaps do what June did: record your share on your computer or smart phone and email it to feedback@therecoveryshow.com. In about a month, I will compile your responses into a new show. Please contribute your voice. The Recovery Show 20:38
Conferences and conventions – Episode 125 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/#respond Fri, 25 Sep 2015 05:30:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3253 Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery? Spencer talks with Annie and Alvin about their experience attending recovery conferences. Our discussion is guided by … Continue reading "Conferences and conventions – Episode 125"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/feed/ 0 Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery? Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery?<br /> <br /> Spencer talks with Annie and Alvin about their experience attending recovery conferences. Our discussion is guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> What prompted you to go to a conference the first time?<br /> <br /> What did you expect? The first time? The second time?<br /> <br /> Talk about your first convention experience.<br /> - What did you like?<br /> - What didn't you expect, but moved you?<br /> - What didn't you like?<br /> <br /> What did you come home with? How did your understanding and feeling about your experience change with time?<br /> <br /> You went to the AA international convention in Atlanta this year.<br /> What was that like?<br /> High points and low points?<br /> If you were to do it again, what would you do differently?<br /> <br /> How did attending these conventions benefit your recovery?<br /> <br /> What would you say to someone who has never been to a convention? The Recovery Show 1:13:48
Randy K Open Talk – Episode 124 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2015 12:07:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3249 This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his “addiction”, and related closely to it. Upcoming topics include Concepts 8 and 9, your shared experience with intervention, and the non-drinking parent. Please call us at … Continue reading "Randy K Open Talk – Episode 124"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/feed/ 2 This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his "addiction", and related closely to it. This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his "addiction", and related closely to it. The Recovery Show 48:53
Al-Anon Dreams – Episode 123 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/#respond Tue, 01 Sep 2015 04:58:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3240 Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Join us as Spencer, Jane, Akilah, Pat, and Brooke share some dreams. Dreams: what are they? From the shared experience in this episode, I think that our “Al-Anon” dreams might fall into these broad and overlapping categories: Reliving scenes … Continue reading "Al-Anon Dreams – Episode 123"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/feed/ 0 Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Join us as Spencer, Jane, Akilah, Pat, and Brooke share some dreams.<br /> <br /> Dreams: what are they? From the shared experience in this episode, I think that our “Al-Anon” dreams might fall into these broad and overlapping categories:<br /> <br /> Reliving scenes from the past that still have a hold on us.<br /> Working through fears of the future.<br /> Living a “wished for” experience.<br /> Making desires and fears concrete.<br /> As you listen to these dream experiences, how do you connect to what we share? Have you had dreams like these? How has your dreaming changed in recovery? The Recovery Show 37:15
Imperfection – Episode 122 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/#respond Tue, 25 Aug 2015 12:22:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3233 Do you feel that you have to be perfect? Do you go through life as if you're on a stage? Is it hard to have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection. This episode was inspired by the book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be … Continue reading "Imperfection – Episode 122"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/feed/ 0 Do you feel you have to be perfect? … go through life as if you're on a stage? Can you have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection. Do you feel that you have to be perfect? Do you go through life as if you're on a stage? Is it hard to have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection.<br /> <br /> This episode was inspired by the book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brené Brown. The gifts of imperfection, according to Brown, are courage, compassion, and connection. And with them, we can begin to live whole-heartedly.<br /> <br /> Think back to your first meeting. How did you find the courage to walk in? How do you now find the courage to openly speak of what is happening in your heart and soul? We practice courage every day, and with it we can begin to embrace our imperfection.<br /> <br /> I found compassion for myself as I worked the steps, and in particular as I worked the steps in the company of others. I was able to see my wholeness, to see that I was not uniquely flawed, and to start to accept myself as I was and to find compassion for myself as an imperfect person. And in finding compassion for myself, I could more easily "suffer with" (have compassion for) others. <br /> <br /> And the last is not least: connection was the first thing I found in Al-Anon. At the end of my first meeting, I was no longer alone in my struggle and fear and desperation. I found connection, soul-deep connection, with others who were walking my journey. This connection, more than anything, kept me coming back.<br /> <br /> What blocks us from living with a whole heart? Brown suggests 10 "guideposts", each described as a positive attribute, and also described in term of letting go. This resonates strongly with me, because the first slogan I adopted from Al-Anon was "Let Go". ("Let God" came later.) What are these guideposts?<br /> <br /> Authenticity (Letting go of what people think)<br /> <br /> Self-Compassion (Letting go of Perfectionism)<br /> <br /> Resilient Spirit (Letting go of numbing and powerlessness)<br /> <br /> Gratitude and Joy (Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark)<br /> <br /> Intuition and Faith (Letting go of the need for certainty)<br /> Creativity (Letting go of comparison)<br /> <br /> Play and Rest (Letting go of exhaustion=status and productivity=self-worth)<br /> <br /> Calm and Stillness (Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle)<br /> <br /> Meaningful work (Letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”)<br /> <br /> Laughter, Song and Dance (Letting go of being cool and in control) The Recovery Show 1:16:10
Laughter – Episode 121 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/#comments Tue, 11 Aug 2015 05:06:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3228 When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today? When (under what circumstances) did you laugh before program? When and how did you laugh as a child? How did that change as you grew older? How did that change … Continue reading "Laughter – Episode 121"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/feed/ 2 When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today? When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today?<br /> <br /> When (under what circumstances) did you laugh before program?<br /> When and how did you laugh as a child?<br /> How did that change as you grew older?<br /> How did that change as you were affected by alcoholism/addiction?<br /> Could you laugh at yourself then? … about your pain? … about your foibles and shortcomings?<br /> How did you feel when you first heard laughter in an Al-Anon meeting?<br /> How has recovery changed the way you laugh? Why you laugh?<br /> Can you laugh about your pain? … about your shortcomings?<br /> How do you see laughter as a healing force?<br /> What have you learned about laughter in recovery? The Recovery Show 1:23:37
Best of: Our first meetings - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/#respond Tue, 04 Aug 2015 02:58:14 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3215 What was your experience of your first Al-Anon meeting? Maybe you haven't been to one yet. Spencer, Kelli, Swetha and 7 other members talk about their first meeting or meetings. Hear how we came to believe that they could find help in Al-Anon. For some of us, the first meeting was transformational and enlightening. Others of … Continue reading "Best of: Our first meetings"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/feed/ 0 What was your experience of your first Al-Anon meeting? Maybe you haven't been to one yet. Spencer, Kelli, Swetha and 7 other members talk about their first meeting or meetings. Hear how we came to believe that they could find help in Al-Anon. Spencer was out of the country at a wedding, and came back to an overtime week at work, thus this “best of” episode. We will be back soon with new episodes on laughter, on the gifts of imperfection, and on attending recovery conventions.

Music from the episode
(originally published June 2013)
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The Recovery Show 1:27:40
Authority and Responsibility – Episode 120 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/#respond Wed, 22 Jul 2015 06:56:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3211 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7. Concept 6 says “The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees.” And, … Continue reading "Authority and Responsibility – Episode 120"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7. Concept 6 says “The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees.” And, Concept 7 states “The Trustees have legal rights while the rights of the Conference are traditional.”<br /> <br /> How can Concept 6 help me manage my time and accomplish the tasks I need to do?<br /> How can I effectively “share the load” with others? What does Concept 6 teach me about that?<br /> How do I do my work and allow others to do theirs without interfering or taking it on?<br /> Talk about a time when I was overwhelmed by trying to do everything myself?<br /> How can clear communication encourage others to help me accomplish a task?<br /> How does Concept 6 encourage me to seek the help of those who are qualified for a job?<br /> How can Concept 6 motivate me to ask for help when I am frustrated and overwhelmed?<br /> How do I determine the difference between legal and traditional rights in my personal life?<br /> How can clearly defining my responsibilities keep me from trying to “fix” the lives of others?<br /> How can Concept 7 help me clarify my role in difficult situations? (Examples?)<br /> How does understanding the rights and responsibilities of each person in a situation help me?<br /> How can I apply concept 7 as a parent when making or enforcing rules?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:25:04
Worry – Episode 119 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/#respond Tue, 14 Jul 2015 20:28:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3200 Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on the stuff that is wrong in your life today? Think about a time before program when you were worrying. What were you worrying about? How did worrying affect your life … Continue reading "Worry – Episode 119"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/feed/ 0 Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on stuff that is wrong in your life? Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on the stuff that is wrong in your life today?<br /> <br /> Think about a time before program when you were worrying.<br /> What were you worrying about?<br /> How did worrying affect your life at the time? (Inability to get things done, acid stomach, lack of sleep, etc?)<br /> Did you get any resolution of your problem from your worrying?<br /> Think about a recent time when you could have worried?<br /> Did you worry?<br /> How was it different from the time before?<br /> How did you use program tools in this situation?<br /> Were you able to move out of worrying into some productive resolution?<br /> What is worry?<br /> How does it differ from preparation?<br /> Slogan: “Worry is not preparation”.<br /> But also: “Preparation is not worry.”<br /> Does “Let Go and Let God” mean we shouldn’t do anything?<br /> What slogans and steps help you when you find yourself worrying?<br /> What would you say to someone who can’t stop worrying about their loved one who still drinks or drugs?<br /> Upcoming topics include laughter, Al-Anon dreams, and Concepts 6 & 7. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:22:26
Life on Life’s Terms – Episode 118 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/#respond Tue, 07 Jul 2015 01:47:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3196 Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms? Due to some technical difficulties, the episode we had planned for this week did not come together. Instead, I'm talking about taking life on life's terms. Or maybe it's about acceptance. Or about Higher Power moments. Upcoming … Continue reading "Life on Life’s Terms – Episode 118"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/feed/ 0 Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms? Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms?<br /> <br /> Due to some technical difficulties, the episode we had planned for this week did not come together. Instead, I'm talking about taking life on life's terms. Or maybe it's about acceptance. Or about Higher Power moments.<br /> <br /> Upcoming topics include Concepts 6 (The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees) and 7 (The Trustees have legal rights while the rights of the Conference are traditional). How might we interpret these in our personal lives? Cara suggested the topic of "Al-Anon dreams". Share your dreams of relapse or recovery with us, and we'll make it a poly-voice episode. Eric thought that "laughter in recovery" would be a great topic. So do I! What do you think? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. The Recovery Show 35:44
Fathers – Episode 117 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/#comments Wed, 24 Jun 2015 18:21:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3184 Fathers Day is a holiday that recognizes fathers and honors fatherhood. What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father yourself? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? Or to improve connections with our fathers? In this episode, Spencer reflects on how his father affected his life, and on … Continue reading "Fathers – Episode 117"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/feed/ 5 What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? To improve connections with our fathers? Fathers Day is a holiday that recognizes fathers and honors fatherhood. What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father yourself? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? Or to improve connections with our fathers?<br /> <br /> In this episode, Spencer reflects on how his father affected his life, and on how he has been a father to his own children, while walking through the woods and fields behind his church.<br /> The Recovery Show 48:10
Gather your chairs in a circle – Episode 116 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/#comments Tue, 16 Jun 2015 15:39:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3176 A couple of weeks ago, at church, we honored our graduating high school seniors. The sermon that day was in the form of advice to those setting out into adult life. What caught my ear was the second point, to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate … Continue reading "Gather your chairs in a circle – Episode 116"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/feed/ 2 A recent sermon advised us to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate to recovery? A couple of weeks ago, at church, we honored our graduating high school seniors. The sermon that day was in the form of advice to those setting out into adult life. What caught my ear was the second point, to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate to recovery?<br /> <br /> We are in community when we “gather our chairs into a circle.”<br /> We sometimes “turn our chairs away” and isolate ourselves, especially when life is hard.<br /> I did this.<br /> At most of my meetings we sit in circles or around a table, facing each other.<br /> In our circle we are not alone.<br /> In our circles we discover shared experience and share strength and hope.<br /> So come into the circle, or find some others and gather your chairs into a new circle.<br /> I also talked a bit about stress and how it has affected me recently. I have been putting my very busy work ahead of "the rest" of my life. When I come home, I just want to "veg". I feel overwhelmed by all the things I have to do, and so I shut down and don't start any of them, because it's "hopeless" to think I could ever do them all. Which, of course, leads to guilt over not having done them. How am I working my way out? First and foremost, recognizing the problem. Admitting it, asking for help. "Doing the next right thing." Shedding some responsibilities, and deciding what is most important, and putting that first. The Recovery Show 1:18:38
Public outreach – Episode 115 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/#comments Thu, 28 May 2015 14:25:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3170 Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can we reach out to sufferers who don’t even know about Al-Anon? Spencer and Eric talk about our experiences with public outreach, roughly following this outline. How did you first get involved in public outreach? What have you … Continue reading "Public outreach – Episode 115"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/feed/ 2 Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can public outreach help sufferers who don’t know about Al-Anon? Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can we reach out to sufferers who don’t even know about Al-Anon?
Spencer and Eric talk about our experiences with public outreach, roughly following this outline.

* How did you first get involved in public outreach?
* What have you or members of your group done as part of your public outreach?
* What resources are available to help you in doing outreach?
* Why do you believe that public outreach is important?
* How have you preserved your anonymity “at the level of press, radio, TV, and films”?
* How have you cooperated with other recovery groups and programs in your area to carry the message?
* Have you been involved in other forms of service? In your district? In your group(s)? Personally?
* How does service help to carry the message?
* How have all these forms of service supported and enhanced your recovery?

We mentioned many resources for outreach. Here are some of them:

* Statement about public outreach from Al-Anon/Alateen of South Ontario.
* Public outreach materials from the Al-Anon bookstore.
* Public outreach from Al-Anon of Wisconsin.
* Media files for outreach from Al-Anon.
* Al-Anon flyer about outreach.

Upcoming topics include worry, obsessive thinking, and caretaking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Jazon Mraz: 3 Things

Brandon Heath: Give Me Your Eyes

John Mayer: Shadow Days

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The Recovery Show 1:21:17
Participation, harmony, and being heard – Episode 114 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/#respond Sat, 23 May 2015 02:17:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3165 In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? Concept 4 says “Participation is the key to harmony.” and concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.” How do … Continue reading "Participation, harmony, and being heard – Episode 114"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/feed/ 0 In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? Concept 4 says “Participation is the key to harmony.” and concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.”<br /> <br /> How do you understand Concept 4, “Participation is the key to harmony”?<br /> What can I do to participate more fully?<br /> When I participate in a group, do I feel more a part of it?<br /> When I feel part of a group, is it easier for me to be in harmony with its workings?<br /> Do I participate actively in my Al-Anon group? In other groups in my life?<br /> How do my relationships benefit when I participate fully in all areas of my life?<br /> How do I let others participate?<br /> What if I disagree with a decision of the majority? Can I still be heard?<br /> In Al-Anon?<br /> In my workplace?<br /> In my family?<br /> With my friends?<br /> How willing am I to listen to Al-Anon? my family? at work?<br /> How do the “rights of appeal and petition” help me find my voice when I am in the minority?<br /> Why is it important that minority opinions be expressed and heard?<br /> How has learning that I have a right to speak up changed the way I feel about myself?<br /> When is it just as important to keep my opinion to myself as it is to share it?<br /> How can concept 5 help me change how I feel about people who disagree with me?<br /> What can I do when I react negatively to someone’s opinion?<br /> How can I use steps 1-3 and “Let Go and Let God” in conjunction with these two concepts? The Recovery Show 1:23:28
Fun – Episode 113 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/#respond Sat, 16 May 2015 17:46:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3158 How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery? Join Spencer and Brooke as we talk about fun, and hear the contributions a couple of listeners sent in via email. What does “fun” mean to you? How did you think about having fun before recovery? Could you … Continue reading "Fun – Episode 113"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/feed/ 0 How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery? How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery?<br /> <br /> Join Spencer and Brooke as we talk about fun, and hear the contributions a couple of listeners sent in via email.<br /> <br /> What does “fun” mean to you?<br /> How did you think about having fun before recovery?<br /> Could you have fun by yourself or did it have to involve others?<br /> What have you learned about having fun in your recovery?<br /> What do you to for fun?<br /> Are you able to have fun even when life is not perfect? The Recovery Show 1:09:10
Do you drink? – Episode 112 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/#respond Thu, 23 Apr 2015 04:20:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3147 Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why? Spencer talks about his personal experience with drinking, about how he drank with his loved one, and about how that changed with recovery and how his feelings … Continue reading "Do you drink? – Episode 112"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/feed/ 0 Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why? Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why?<br /> <br /> Spencer talks about his personal experience with drinking, about how he drank with his loved one, and about how that changed with recovery and how his feelings about drinking have become complicated. The Recovery Show 43:43
Prayer – Episode 111 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/#comments Tue, 07 Apr 2015 03:52:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3143 Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery? In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. I did not grow up with a tradition of prayer. My idea of prayer as a young person: “God, please give me a pony.” It didn’t work! I did not … Continue reading "Prayer – Episode 111"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/feed/ 1 Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery? In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery?<br /> <br /> In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. The Recovery Show 54:43
Right of Decision – Episode 110 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/#respond Wed, 01 Apr 2015 05:27:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3140 Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? Spencer and Akilah discuss the “right of decision”, as expressed in Al-Anon's 3rd concept of service, “The right of decision makes effective leadership possible.” What is “the right of decision?” How do we use the right of decision in the … Continue reading "Right of Decision – Episode 110"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? We discuss the "right of decision" as seen in concept 3. Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? Spencer and Akilah discuss the "right of decision", as expressed in Al-Anon's 3rd concept of service, "The right of decision makes effective leadership possible."<br /> <br /> What is “the right of decision?”<br /> How do we use the right of decision in the program?<br /> Example from Spencer’s home group: the “chair” chooses the person who gives the lead each week.<br /> GR, delegates to assembly, etc.<br /> How do we use the right of decision in our own lives?<br /> From Paths to Recovery (pg. 265): “In our own lives, the right of decision means we have the right to proceed in the best way we know and to ask for help when it is needed.”<br /> How does this concept connect with Tradition 2? (For our group purpose there is but one authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants—they do not govern.) With Step 3? (Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.)<br /> Can I make a decision and be comfortable with it? If not, why not?<br /> Do I ever ask someone to do a task and then try to direct the details of how it should be done? If so, how can I change this pattern?<br /> The 3rd concept section of the AA 12, 12 and 12 study guide starts with the statement “We serve by acting on our conscience through our “Right of Decision” and we trust others when they exercise their ‘Right of Decision.”<br /> Am I acting in any area of my life that is contrary to my own conscience?<br /> Am I mistrustful of the decisions of others in authority over me?<br /> Am I demanding that anyone else act contrary to their conscience in order to please me?<br /> From Paths to Recovery: Is [concept three] not letting go and letting God? The Recovery Show 1:26:02
Dry Drunk – Episode 109 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/#respond Wed, 18 Mar 2015 21:25:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3136 What is “dry drunk”? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms? A few weeks ago, Jennifer suggested the topic of “dry drunk.” Then Ruth mentioned how she feels when she misses a few meetings. And then, I heard a talk about “dry drunk” on the Recovery Radio Network podcast. We start with a talk from Dick S … Continue reading "Dry Drunk – Episode 109"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/feed/ 0 What is "dry drunk"? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms? What is "dry drunk"? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms?<br /> <br /> A few weeks ago, Jennifer suggested the topic of “dry drunk.” Then Ruth mentioned how she feels when she misses a few meetings. And then, I heard a talk about “dry drunk” on the Recovery Radio Network podcast.<br /> <br /> We start with a talk from Dick S titled “Recovery is Forever: Dry Drunk Revisited”.<br /> <br /> My experience with "dry Al-Anon":<br /> <br /> My realization from the Step 3 reading in “Paths to Recovery”.<br /> “As we grow in the program, we find ourselves returning again and again to these basic principles when faced with new challenges.”<br /> The moment of truth: A co-worker's talk with me on Friday about my behavior earlier in the week.<br /> Looking back:<br /> Feeling complacent.<br /> Missing meetings.<br /> “White knuckle”<br /> My solution?<br /> Re-establish routine of prayer and meditation.<br /> Recognize the importance of meetings<br /> Say “yes” to the program!<br /> The Recovery Show 58:37
Criticism and Self-Compassion – Episode 108 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/#respond Sun, 08 Mar 2015 21:40:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3131 Do you have a voice inside you that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself when your internal critic is harsher than what others say about you? Spencer and Brooke talk about criticism and self-compassion. Some of the questions we considered were these. How might you answer these questions? Do I have … Continue reading "Criticism and Self-Compassion – Episode 108"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/feed/ 0 Do you have a voice inside that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself in that case? We explore criticism and self-compassion. Do you have a voice inside you that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself when your internal critic is harsher than what others say about you? Spencer and Brooke talk about criticism and self-compassion.<br /> <br /> Some of the questions we considered were these. How might you answer these questions?<br /> <br /> Do I have an internal critic? (Don’t we all?)<br /> How loud is it?<br /> How harsh is it?<br /> How do I react to criticism from others?<br /> How does my internal critic react to criticism from others?<br /> How does my internal critic react to praise from others?<br /> Do I find it easier to have compassion for others than for myself?<br /> How do I struggle to find compassion for myself?<br /> How do I struggle to see myself as worthy?<br /> How can seeing myself as worthy, and having compassion for my failings, help me to deal with criticism from others?<br /> What program tools can I use to make it easier to find self-compassion and self-worth?<br /> Steps 2 & 3 remind me that I have a higher power that loves me.<br /> Steps 4 and 5 encourage me to look at myself honestly and fearlessly. By sharing my faults with my Higher Power and another person, I find that I am not defined by my “defects”<br /> Steps 6, 7, 8, and 9 show me that there is a way to change and to let go of my self-criticism for past actions.<br /> Step 10 helps me to not have new things to kick myself about.<br /> Step 11 encourages me to connect more closely to my Higher Power. Meditation can help me to live in the moment instead of the past.<br /> What slogans help me?<br /> How does listening (and sharing) in meetings, or with a sponsor or program friend help?<br /> What might I say to a newcomer who is strugging with self-criticism? The Recovery Show 1:04:43
Chaos – Encore – Episode 107 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/#respond Wed, 25 Feb 2015 20:57:15 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3125 Due to first my co-host and then me being under the weather, we present this encore of the Chaos episode. Enjoy! Our topic for next week is criticism and self-compassion. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/feed/ 0 Due to first my co-host and then me being under the weather, we present this encore of the Chaos episode. Enjoy! Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli and our guest Wendy share our experience, strength and hope as prompted by these questions.<br /> <br /> What do we mean by “chaos”?<br /> How has your life been chaotic? Before coming to the program? After coming to the program?<br /> What is your reaction or response to chaos? Before the program? Now?<br /> Why do we, as co-dependents, sometimes create chaos?<br /> Why do the alcoholics and addicts create chaos?<br /> What feelings does chaos elicit in you? How did it feel in the past?<br /> How can we find serenity in the midst of chaos?<br /> Which steps particularly apply / are helpful?<br /> Which Al-Anon slogans and other tools can help?<br /> Thoughts about living with chaos in the upcoming holidays? The Recovery Show 1:48:42
In the Moment – Episode 106 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/#comments Tue, 17 Feb 2015 03:16:41 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3118 What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow when I’m living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from past experiences if I don’t look back? How did/do I live not in the moment? Anger and resentment – Living in the past. Chewing over past actions … Continue reading "In the Moment – Episode 106"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/feed/ 1 What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from the past without looking back? What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow when I’m living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from past experiences if I don’t look back?<br /> <br /> How did/do I live not in the moment?<br /> Anger and resentment – Living in the past.<br /> Chewing over past actions – blaming (myself or others)<br /> Fear and worry – Living in the future.<br /> “Awfulizing”<br /> What are aspects of living in the moment?<br /> Take care of the things I can do now, let go of the things I cannot do.<br /> Do the “next right thing”.<br /> Be fully present in what is happening.<br /> Listen<br /> Notice the beauty around me<br /> Enjoy what is good now (instead of ruminating on what was bad or worrying about what might be bad)<br /> How can I practice living in the moment?<br /> Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.<br /> Focus on what is happening now.<br /> Focus on the people I am with.<br /> Listen – don’t be thinking about my agenda<br /> Mindfulness meditation (or other meditative practice)<br /> Body language – when my body is in an accepting, listening position, so is my mind.<br /> Positive expectations – How they can shape interactions and actions. (“Batman” episode of This American Life and Invisibilia)<br /> What about planning for the future and learning from the past?<br /> There’s a difference between worrying about what might happen, and planning for what we would like to do.<br /> We can and should look at our past in our inventory. We only need to let go of the desire to change it. The Recovery Show 1:19:37
Letting go of the process – Episode 105 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/#respond Tue, 10 Feb 2015 05:01:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3108 Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process. Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when you suggested this topic? How do/did you try to … Continue reading "Letting go of the process – Episode 105"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/feed/ 0 Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process. Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when ... Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process.<br /> <br /> Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when you suggested this topic?<br /> How do/did you try to control your recovery?<br /> obsessively doing the things we *can* do<br /> overdoing self-care<br /> What parts of it do/did you particularly not want to let go of?<br /> “character defects” -- I want them removed in my order<br /> outcomes<br /> comfort in maintaining the illusion of control over my own life<br /> Why?<br /> How does letting go help your recovery? Your peace of mind?<br /> focusing on control of outcomes is a “fool’s errand” and makes my life unmanageable<br /> It frees me to focus on the things I can control<br /> Frees me to do self-care<br /> What blocks you from letting go?<br /> impatience<br /> perfectionism<br /> Not wanting to feel unpleasant feelings<br /> judgement and shame<br /> fear<br /> expectations<br /> What ways have you found to let go?<br /> Prerequisite - Accept who and where I am right now.<br /> Being open to the universe -- humility<br /> Work with a sponsor<br /> Prayer<br /> Meditation<br /> what else?<br /> What do you still struggle with letting go of?<br /> What would you say to a newcomer who isn’t sure the program will work for them? The Recovery Show 1:26:42
Relapse – a “best of” episode - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/#respond Wed, 04 Feb 2015 02:46:22 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3089 While Spencer is away, enjoy this “best of” episode from a year ago. Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. We structured our discussion around these points and questions: The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal. Relapse does … Continue reading "Relapse – a “best of” episode"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/feed/ 0 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. Enjoy this "best of" episode from a year ago.<br /> <br /> Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse.<br /> <br /> We structured our discussion around these points and questions:<br /> <br /> The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal.<br /> Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently part of the process.<br /> As friends and family members, many of us have experienced the relapse of a loved one from a period of sobriety, sometimes short, sometimes long and full of recovery.<br /> How did and how do we respond and react when a loved one relapses?<br /> What is our understanding of relapse? It is often a process in which picking up the drink or drug is the last stage.<br /> How can we support ourselves and our loved ones in relapse?<br /> And, sometimes, we relapse back to our old behavior. What is an “Al-Anon relapse”?<br /> Have you had one? What was it like, and how did you get out of it? The Recovery Show 1:25:36
Judgement – Episode 104 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/#comments Tue, 27 Jan 2015 05:41:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3084 How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, Spencer and Anthony talk about judgement. We used this outline for our conversation: What does “judgement” mean to you? … Continue reading "Judgement – Episode 104"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/feed/ 1 How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, Spencer and Anthony talk about judgement.<br /> <br /> We used this outline for our conversation:<br /> <br /> What does “judgement” mean to you?<br /> How does it differ from being “judgemental”?<br /> A reading in Courage to Change speaks of a “judgement ladder”, where everyone is either above or below someone else. Have you felt like you are on this ladder?<br /> How do you judge others?<br /> How do you feel judged?<br /> How do you judge yourself? Are you harsher on yourself than others?<br /> How can judgement be a positive attribute?<br /> How has the program helped you to be less judgemental of others and yourself? To practice “good judgement”?<br /> Are there slogans that help?<br /> Any particular steps? The Recovery Show 1:36:49
Boundaries – Episode 103 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/#comments Wed, 21 Jan 2015 03:37:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3080 Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions: Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting … Continue reading "Boundaries – Episode 103"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/feed/ 2 Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from loved ones? We discuss boundaries. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries.<br /> <br /> Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions:<br /> <br /> Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?<br /> How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?<br /> What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?<br /> What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated?<br /> So we thought, “maybe it’s time to talk about boundaries again.” We actually had a couple of earlier shows around this topic. Our very first episode was a 20 minute discussion of boundaries, and then in episode 44, we talked about setting boundaries without controlling.<br /> <br /> Some discussion/thought questions about boundaries:<br /> <br /> What is a boundary?<br /> How does it differ from an ultimatum?<br /> How can I set a boundary that involves someone else’s behavior?<br /> What can I do when my boundaries are not respected?<br /> How do I feel when my boundaries are not respected by someone I love?<br /> How can loving detachment help me to maintain my boundaries?<br /> What if I don’t want to follow through with the consequences of my boundary having been violated?<br /> What happens (to me) if my boundaries turn out to be expectations?<br /> How does a boundary with my own behavior differ from a boundary with someone else’s behavior?<br /> How can I set up and follow through with consequences on a boundary with myself? The Recovery Show 1:37:03
Responsibility and Authority – Episode 102 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/#comments Tue, 13 Jan 2015 04:49:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3076 Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God? Spencer and Akilah talk about responsibility and authority, as set forth in Concepts one and two. The Ultimate Responsibility and Authority for Al-Anon World Services Belongs to the Al-Anon … Continue reading "Responsibility and Authority – Episode 102"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/feed/ 1 Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God? Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Akilah talk about responsibility and authority, as set forth in Concepts one and two.<br /> <br /> The Ultimate Responsibility and Authority for Al-Anon World Services Belongs to the Al-Anon Groups.<br /> The Al-Anon Family Groups Have Delegated Complete Administrative and Operational Authority to their Conference and its Service Arms.<br /> The readings in the books Paths to Recovery and Reaching for Personal Freedom include some writings on personal application as well as explanations of how it works on the service level.<br /> <br /> What do “authority” and “responsibility” mean (to me)? What is the difference?<br /> Authority: “the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience.”<br /> Responsibility: “the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something” or “taking ownership of my thoughts, words, and actions.”<br /> For concept one<br /> <br /> For what part of my life am I ultimately responsible? What responsibilities might I share or delegate?<br /> How do I contribute to the group conscience?<br /> How does this concept help me to keep the focus on myself?<br /> How can I learn to trust the decisions of others?<br /> When have I assumed responsibilities that are not mine?<br /> When have let others take on responsibilities that should have been mine?<br /> Can this concept help to me to “Let go and let God”, knowing that I am not the ultimate authority?<br /> For concept two, the questions are:<br /> <br /> Why is it important to delegate both responsibility and authority in general? In Al-Anon?<br /> Am I able to share responsibility? What responsibility? Am I willing to offer my assistance to others?<br /> When do I rely on others? Can I ask for help?<br /> What responsibilities in my life could I delegate to someone else?<br /> Whom can I trust to be reliable?<br /> How does delegating responsibility help to trust the abilities of others?<br /> How willing am I to work with others and to consider their ideas? How often do I trust the knowledge an experience of another person? Do I support and encourage others?<br /> When delegating how do I define boundaries to separate my responsibility from someone else’s<br /> How does my attempt to take charge of everything without delegating keep me from completing the work that needs to be done?<br /> For what am I responsible?<br /> A listener emailed some questions. Listen to the show to hear the whole email. We put the questions to you, in hopes that you will share your experience, strength, and hope with our listener.<br /> <br /> Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?<br /> How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?<br /> What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?<br /> What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated? The Recovery Show 1:18:46
Looking Back, Looking Ahead – Episode 101 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/#respond Tue, 06 Jan 2015 23:21:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3070 Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead? This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Spencer talks about his process of “looking back, … Continue reading "Looking Back, Looking Ahead – Episode 101"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/feed/ 0 Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead? This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead?<br /> <br /> This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Spencer talks about his process of "looking back, looking ahead" at this beginning of the new year and end of the old.<br /> <br /> How do I do this?<br /> I can ask myself, how are my actions in alignment with my values?<br /> There is discomfort in the gap that spurs me to want to change<br /> The program gives me tools for this: Steps 4–7.<br /> What are my values? When I state my values as aspirations of the way I want to act, I can more clearly see the alignment (or not) of my actions with them.<br /> Integrity: I act in all things according to my true self. I state my beliefs honestly and openly.<br /> Commitment: I do not make commitments I cannot keep, and I keep the commitments I make.<br /> Acceptance: When I disagree with someone, I may argue my position, but I will not diminish their personhood.<br /> Love: I express my love openly and appropriately.<br /> How have my actions this year aligned, or not, with my values?<br /> Acceptance is hard. I react emotionally to some people, and let those reactions color my interactions. On the plus side: I am more aware of this when it happens, and more likely to modify my response.<br /> I can “go along” with something I don’t agree with, because it is too uncomfortable to disagree. This happens less often than it used to.<br /> I can express my desires and needs when they are important to me.<br /> I sometimes overcommit and under-deliver.<br /> I find it difficult at times to express my true feelings to my wife.<br /> I have openly stated and explained my spiritual beliefs and practices, even when I don’t know they will be accepted by those to whom I am speaking.<br /> What can I let go of, that is no longer of use to me?<br /> What holds me back?<br /> Stuff! Clothes I haven’t worn in a decade.<br /> What do I want to bring into my life (more) in the coming year?<br /> Self-care: physical and spiritual (I do OK on the mental front)<br /> Family: I will spend more “quality” time with my family<br /> Money: I will work to be more attentive to our financial status. The Recovery Show 55:24
Guest Host Experiences – Episode 100 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/#respond Tue, 30 Dec 2014 03:58:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3056 What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast. I asked my guests today to reflect on these questions as we reach our 100th episode. Why did you decide to participate as a guest on … Continue reading "Guest Host Experiences – Episode 100"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/feed/ 0 What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as we hear Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast. What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as we hear Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast.<br /> <br /> I asked my guests today to reflect on these questions as we reach our 100th episode.<br /> <br /> Why did you decide to participate as a guest on The Recovery Show?<br /> How did you feel beforehand? How did you feel afterward? How do you feel now about your participation?<br /> Did you listen to "your" episode? If you did, what was that experience like? If not, why not?<br /> How has participating in the show strengthened (or not) your Al-Anon program?<br /> What would you like to say to our listeners about your experience?<br /> Mark, who hosts the Recovered podcast, remembers being a guest on the show, and the ease of not having to "run" the show.<br /> <br /> Ruth reflects on co-hosting the 12 Tradition episodes, why she committed to them, and what it has meant to her.<br /> <br /> Mara talks about the importance of service in her recovery, particularly when she is not at home. She also sings Happy Birthday to us (in tune!)<br /> <br /> Harriet was terrified at the idea, but still committed to co-host an episode about isolation, which she had identified as a problem in her life. Hear how she feels now about her participation.<br /> <br /> Akilah admittedly likes to talk. She enjoyed co-hosting an episode and encourages you to do the same. The Recovery Show 1:03:17
2 Years – Episode 99 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/#respond Tue, 16 Dec 2014 07:10:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3047 If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on?  It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week! Spencer thinks back over the last 2 years, about the … Continue reading "2 Years – Episode 99"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/feed/ 0 If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on? It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week! If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on? It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week!<br /> <br /> Spencer thinks back over the last 2 years, about the journey, about what this podcast has meant for him, and maybe for you. Here's a rough outline.<br /> <br /> How and why did we come to start the podcast?<br /> Early experiences podcasting.<br /> Guest hosts.<br /> Including your voices.<br /> Losing my co-hosts.<br /> Focusing on the podcast<br /> Providing value.<br /> Your feedback and support.<br /> Challenges.<br /> “electronic” co-hosts.<br /> Value to my program.<br /> Next week will be episode 100. We've invited some past co-hosts to reflect on their experience participating in The Recovery Show. The Recovery Show 1:00:00
Tradition 12 – Anonymity – Episode 98 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/#respond Tue, 09 Dec 2014 05:08:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3041 Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols” in the program? We’ll address these questions and more as we talk about Tradition 12, Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. Ruth and … Continue reading "Tradition 12 – Anonymity – Episode 98"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/feed/ 0 Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols”? We talk about Tradition 12 on anonymity. Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols” in the program? We’ll address these questions and more as we talk about Tradition 12, Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer had these questions around which we structured our conversation.<br /> <br /> Ruth started by asking, "Spencer you said this is your favorite tradition. Would like to tell us why?"<br /> <br /> How do you understand the principle of anonymity?<br /> How do you practice this principle?<br /> Inside the “rooms” of Al-Anon?<br /> In the wider world?<br /> How can I protect anonymity when I meet someone outside the meeting?<br /> How can I protect anonymity when I meet someone in the meeting who I already know outside the meeting?<br /> How do we practice anonymity in the podcast?<br /> How does anonymity change the way I feel about myself?<br /> How can I practice anonymity without being “invisible”?<br /> How can I share my experience, strength, and hope without telling others what to do?<br /> Do I put people on a pedestal? Why? What happens?<br /> How does focusing on personalities hinder my growth?<br /> How is it different when instead, I listen to everybody, even the people I don't "like"? The Recovery Show 1:25:57
Gratitude 2014 – Episode 97 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/#respond Tue, 02 Dec 2014 05:33:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3038 Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an “attitude of gratitude”? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Join Spencer and Wendy as we talk about our experience with gratitude. We used these questions to guide our discussion. What does “gratitude” mean to you? Do you see gratitude differently now than before … Continue reading "Gratitude 2014 – Episode 97"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/feed/ 0 Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an "attitude of gratitude"? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an "attitude of gratitude"? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Join Spencer and Wendy as we talk about our experience with gratitude.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion.<br /> <br /> What does “gratitude” mean to you?<br /> Do you see gratitude differently now than before you came to Al-Anon?<br /> Do you practice an “attitude of gratitude”?<br /> How has this changed your life?<br /> Have you found gratitude for painful occurrences in your life? How or why?<br /> What are you grateful for today?<br /> We also found a couple of interesting articles about gratitude. Powerful Lessons in Gratitude starts "As I write this, I am coming to terms with the death of a good friend of mine who was killed in a tragic accident over the weekend. … However, I realize that even in death we have the opportunity to celebrate the beauty of life." Both of us have found gratitude in the middle of pain and loss, and that gratitude has helped us to live our lives with greater serenity and even joy.<br /> <br /> Another interesting article is 8 reasons to love gratitude, which has this list of benefits. The benefits are backed up by scientific study, believe it or not.<br /> <br /> It can make you happier.<br /> It can reduce blood pressure.<br /> It makes hearts healthier.<br /> It's associated with better sleep.<br /> It helps people exercise more.<br /> It helps make vets more resilient.<br /> It can help your relationship.<br /> Even a little bit helps.<br /> Spencer was happy to hear that he doesn't have to practice gratitude every day in order to gain its benefits! The Recovery Show 1:00:21
Isolation – Episode 96 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/#comments Tue, 25 Nov 2014 07:09:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3028 Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? Today we will talk about what isolation has meant to us. Spencer and guest host Harriet discuss this topic, suggested by Harriet, following this outline and questions. What is isolation? Closing … Continue reading "Isolation – Episode 96"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/feed/ 1 Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? We talk about isolation. Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? Today we will talk about what isolation has meant to us.<br /> <br /> Spencer and guest host Harriet discuss this topic, suggested by Harriet, following this outline and questions.<br /> <br /> What is isolation?<br /> Closing myself off from the outside world<br /> Looking outward to fix an inward problem<br /> Rejecting reality<br /> What did isolation look like a year ago, now, etc.<br /> Can take many forms, and could look like:<br /> Pretending (hiding)<br /> Self criticism (finding evidence that fits my conjecture that I'm broken and alone)<br /> feeding an obsession<br /> Compulsive show watching (often a familiar show I've already watched, maybe b/c I need to have some certainty)<br /> Compulsive podcast listening (not to broaden my perspective but to drown out my thoughts or emotions)<br /> Avoiding connection with friends or Al-anon members (Anything that takes me further into my closed system)<br /> Food<br /> Being compulsively busy<br /> Why do I isolate?<br /> Shame (I hide my worst parts)<br /> Disconnect between mind body and spirit. I look outside myself to find the answer<br /> I'm having a feeling I'd rather not be having and am afraid to look at myself<br /> I believe my own conjecture<br /> What helps?<br /> Accepting where I am and my current reality<br /> Trying one thing different to break my cycle<br /> I need to make peace within myself before I can genuinely connect with others. I think I need to share w others, but until I've reconciled within myself, I can be isolating right in the middle of a conversation<br /> Writing— before I'm too far gone<br /> Step 5 — a member or friend who I can share with (to acknowledge where I am)<br /> A meeting<br /> Meditation - breathing exercise<br /> connection with a pet<br /> Prayer<br /> Brene Brown's TED talks<br /> This podcast- suffering is optional, 3 A's, self-care<br /> Inventory—why am I isolating?<br /> Service<br /> Self-care and self compassion The Recovery Show 1:25:01
Tradition 11 – Episode 95 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/#respond Tue, 18 Nov 2014 04:08:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3010 Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something which you know would be good for you but you just don't want to, and now giving in would just feel odd? Do you wonder why some annoying people always have to emphasize where and how they … Continue reading "Tradition 11 – Episode 95"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/feed/ 0 Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something you know should do? How is that about Tradition 11? Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something which you know would be good for you but you just don't want to, and now giving in would just feel odd? Do you wonder why some annoying people always have to emphasize where and how they get their stuff? But are you curious why that person, despite all the obvious problems in their life, has a smile on their face? And how do we practice anonymity in our podcast?<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talk about Tradition 11, “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.” We used these questions to guide our discussion.<br /> <br /> - There is a lot in this this tradition and I would like to start with the last sentence: the anonymity of the alcoholic. Why it is important, for them for us. How was it when we were new, or even before before we learned about the concept if the desease.<br /> <br /> If we break our anonymity we may break the one of our relatives too.<br /> How can we share our story without breaking the anonymity?<br /> Various aspects of anonymity: our background, education, finance, status ... not just names.<br /> As important as it is to experience people who have what you want to have, it is important not to connect people with program (principles over personalities).<br /> What can we do, what do you do to let people know about AlAnon?<br /> I asked on twitter: how would you translate the 11th tradition into your personal life and I get a very good response from "the bubble hour": "attraction not promotion means we can stand on our integrity in all things, without controlling outcomes or people."<br /> <br /> How do we practice Tradition 11 in this podcast?<br /> We share only our own experience, strength, and hope.<br /> We do not use our full names, and some of us use pseudonyms.<br /> We don’t try to “sell” Al-Anon.<br /> We often use phrases such as “loved one” when we mention the alcoholic(s) and/or addict(s) in our life.<br /> A Slogan for Tradition 11: “Take what you like and leave the rest”<br /> <br /> How do we practice this tradition in our life?<br /> <br /> Being an example.<br /> Act as we expect to be treated (“Golden rule”) The Recovery Show 1:17:16
Spiritual Practice – Episode 94 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/#respond Thu, 13 Nov 2014 06:11:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3002 How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?”   Spencer shares his thoughts about spiritual practices, and invites you to share your own spiritual practices by voice mail or email. What is a spiritual practice? What is the purpose/goal of spiritual practices? Connection with … Continue reading "Spiritual Practice – Episode 94"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/feed/ 0 How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?” How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?”<br /> <br /> Spencer shares his thoughts about spiritual practices, and invites you to share your own spiritual practices by voice mail or email.<br /> <br /> What is a spiritual practice?<br /> What is the purpose/goal of spiritual practices?<br /> Connection with the divine, something greater than myself.<br /> Centering.<br /> Feeds my spirit/soul.<br /> What practices are suggested in the 12 steps?<br /> What is prayer?<br /> What is meditation?<br /> What are some (other) examples of spiritual practices?<br /> Sitting/walking in nature.<br /> Attitude of gratitude<br /> Deep breath<br /> Dance<br /> Song<br /> Journaling The Recovery Show 1:07:49
Not God – Episode 93 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/#respond Mon, 03 Nov 2014 19:17:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2989 Do you sometimes feel responsible for the whole world? Would other people be happy if they would do things your way? An critical part of our recovery is that we recognize that we are not God. Spencer talks about ways in which he has tried to “play God” in the past, about how those increased the … Continue reading "Not God – Episode 93"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/feed/ 0 Do you feel responsible for the whole world? Would others be happier if they would do things your way? In our recovery, we recognize that we are not God. Do you sometimes feel responsible for the whole world? Would other people be happy if they would do things your way? An critical part of our recovery is that we recognize that we are not God.
Spencer talks about ways in which he has tried to “play God” in the past, about how those increased the unmanageability of his life, and about how the realization that he is not God has simplified his life and provided serenity. He worked from the outline below, illustrating the points with stories from his life.

* What do I mean when I say I am not God?
* I can’t control or change other people
* Things outside my “hula hoop” are not my responsibility
* I don’t know what is best for others
* I don’t always know what is best for me
* Why would I think I am?
* How did my actions suggest I thought so?
* When do i struggle with wanting to play God?
* How is it a relief when I remember that I am nobody's higher power?

Upcoming topics include Tradition 11 and “Is it caretaking or healthy support?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Neil Young – Change Your Mind




 
Adele – Make You Feel My Love




 
Terence Trent D'Arby – Holding on to You


 
The music I played in the pauses is Early Bird by Hania Yiska. You can find it and more of his work, including our opening music, Teleportationism, at Bandcamp.
 
Some episodes about living with addiction
In response to a listener email, we compiled a list of episodes that have guests who share their experience, strength, and hope about living with active addiction or alcoholism.
Episode 70: Living with alcoholism or addiction

Episode 65: Hope

Episode 54: Family of our Dreams

Episode 52: My Story

Episode 78: Stay or Go?

Episodes 58 and 59: Relapse and Michelle's story

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The Recovery Show 48:19
Triggers – Episode 92 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/#respond Tue, 21 Oct 2014 06:04:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2980 Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us? Spencer and Akilah talk about our experience of triggers and how the 12 steps have lessened their impact on our lives. We had a few basic questions to guide our … Continue reading "Triggers – Episode 92"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/feed/ 0 Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us? Spencer and Akilah talk about triggers. Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Akilah talk about our experience of triggers and how the 12 steps have lessened their impact on our lives. We had a few basic questions to guide our conversation:<br /> <br /> What does “trigger” mean to you?<br /> What triggers have you recognized in yourself?<br /> How do you react to these triggers?<br /> How has the program helped you to reduce or eliminate your triggers?<br /> Taking an inventory?<br /> Finding acceptance?<br /> Making amends?<br /> Trusting in my Higher Power?<br /> Harriet and Julia also shared some of their experience with being triggered by voice mail and email.<br /> <br /> The Recovery Show 1:30:36
Trust – Episode 91 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/#respond Tue, 14 Oct 2014 01:44:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2973 Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust. We used these questions to guide our discussion: When do I have trouble trusting? How do I know I can trust someone? Do I have a Higher Power I can trust? Can I trust myself? Can others trust me? What … Continue reading "Trust – Episode 91"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/feed/ 0 Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust. Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion:<br /> <br /> When do I have trouble trusting?<br /> How do I know I can trust someone?<br /> Do I have a Higher Power I can trust?<br /> Can I trust myself?<br /> Can others trust me?<br /> What is my history of trusting myself?<br /> In what ways am I trustworthy both to myself and to others?<br /> In what ways have I been untrustworthy in some of my activities?<br /> How do I determine if someone is trustworthy?<br /> How do I determine if someone has lost my trust?<br /> What behaviors do I have that inspire trust?<br /> What behaviors do I have that inhibit trust?<br /> What important things do I trust to my Higher Power?<br /> What am I reluctant to give over to my Higher Power at this time?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:31:20
Tradition 10 – Episode 90 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/#respond Tue, 07 Oct 2014 06:25:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2966 Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, which says “The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be … Continue reading "Tradition 10 – Episode 90"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/feed/ 0 Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, which says “The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.”<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talk about Tradition 10, about how they see it work in their meetings, and how they can use it in their personal lives. We had some questions to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> Can you recall a situation in a meeting were this happened, where someone brought outside issues into the meeting?<br /> <br /> How did you, how did the group dealt with it?<br /> <br /> Is there a Al Anon position on outside topics?<br /> <br /> How do you feel when someone isn't sharing your opinion on something?<br /> <br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> <br /> How can you apply tradition 10 to your personal life<br /> <br /> Questions from Reaching for Personal Freedom workbook:<br /> <br /> How does tradition 10 remind me to keep the focus on myself instead of others?<br /> How do I connect tradition 10 to detachment?<br /> How can tradition 10 help me to respond in a loving way when others say insulting or hurtful things to me?<br /> How can tradition 10 help me to not just keep my opinions to myself, but to let them go from my mind?<br /> When has practicing the spiritual principle of Tradition 10 helped me to love family members and friends without getting involved in their personal situation and decisions?<br /> In what ways can Tradition 10 help me when my family members are going through difficult or sad situations? The Recovery Show 1:26:22
Taking Care of Myself – Episode 89 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/#comments Mon, 29 Sep 2014 03:49:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2961 When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself. In Al-Anon, we are told that we need to take care of ourselves first. What … Continue reading "Taking Care of Myself – Episode 89"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/feed/ 1 When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself. When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself.<br /> <br /> In Al-Anon, we are told that we need to take care of ourselves first. What does this really mean? How does it change the way we live our lives? This week, I had an opportunity to practice self-care, because I caught a cold. I am pretty sure that this cold was my body's way of telling me that I needed to slow down a little, that I was trying to do too much in my life, and that my health was being affected by that. I took a couple days off work, although I worked some from home. The big difference was that when I needed to lie down or take a nap, I could. I was also not inflicting my sniffling and coughing, not to mention germs, on my co-workers. Because of the cold, and because of a commitment I had made for the weekend, I was not able to plan for the podcast episode that I had wanted to create this weekend. Instead, I am reflecting on how self-care has been a part of my life this week, and how I had to change my plans to take care of myself. The Recovery Show 16:26
Intimacy – Episode 88 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/#respond Tue, 23 Sep 2014 04:50:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2953 Have you lost the ability to share intimately with another person? Have you found people in the program that you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy with your loved ones? Mara and Spencer talk about Intimacy. We used these questions to inform our conversation. What is intimacy? Vocabulary.com says this: … Continue reading "Intimacy – Episode 88"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/feed/ 0 Is it hard to share intimately with another person? Are there people you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy? Spencer and Mara discuss intimacy. Have you lost the ability to share intimately with another person? Have you found people in the program that you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy with your loved ones? Mara and Spencer talk about Intimacy.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to inform our conversation.<br /> <br /> What is intimacy?<br /> Vocabulary.com says this: Intimacy is closeness with another person, like the intimacy that develops between friends as you tell one another your life's story and all your secrets and dreams for the future.<br /> Do I have any intimate relationships in my life today? Have I had any in the past?<br /> How do I deflect or avoid intimacy?<br /> What keeps me from being intimate with my loved ones? My friends? My family?<br /> How have I learned to be intimate in Al-Anon?<br /> “Safe place”<br /> to be vulnerable<br /> sharing by others<br /> sharing with others<br /> How have I developed an intimate relationship with my sponsor?<br /> How am I deepening the friendships and loving relationships in my life? What might help me do so?<br /> Questions from Blueprint for Progress:<br /> <br /> How do I define intimacy?<br /> What actions encourage intimacy and which ones don’t?<br /> Which of my actions are helpful in bringing me closer to another person?<br /> With whom was I intimate when I was growing up?<br /> How have I shared important information with someone I didn’t trust?<br /> Where do I get examples of positive, intimate relationships?<br /> In what ways have I been intellectually or spiritually intimate with the alcoholic?<br /> What activities help me show how much certain people mean to me?<br /> What kind of examples do my actions convey about the importance of close relationships?<br /> For me, intimacy is tied in with trust and fear. Here are some questions from those sections of the Blueprint:<br /> <br /> What is my history of trusting myself?<br /> How do I determine if someone is trustworthy?<br /> How do I determine if someone has lost my trust?<br /> How do I react when frightened?<br /> What provokes my fears?<br /> How do my fears affect the way I make decisions?<br /> How do my fears of the alcoholic affect the way I interact with him/her?<br /> How do I include my Higher Power when I feel afraid and what is the result? The Recovery Show 1:19:46
Unmanageability – Episode 87 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/#comments Tue, 16 Sep 2014 17:29:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2943 Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live. We started with the outline below, but actually ended up structuring our conversation … Continue reading "Unmanageability – Episode 87"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live. Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live.<br /> <br /> We started with the outline below, but actually ended up structuring our conversation around some of these questions from the book From Survival to Recovery.<br /> <br /> When difficulties occur, do you need someone to blame, even it is yourself?<br /> Do you feel uncomfortabe or draw a blank when asked whar it is you really want?<br /> Does a dark cloud of despair or a creeping depression sometimes seem to apeer from nowhere to weigh you down?<br /> Do you feel guilty or selfish whenever you say "no"?<br /> Are you lonley and isolated? Do you feel like an outsider in the midst of a crowed?<br /> Can you identify only one or two extreme feelings, such as anger or fear?<br /> Do you think in all-or-nothing terms? Is life either wonderful or miserable, with litte in between?<br /> Are you numb or flat, with no extremes in you feelings whatsover?<br /> Does your memory fog out or have giant holes where you remember nothing?<br /> Do you feel suicidal or have a need to hurt yourself or others?<br /> Do you tolerate unacceptable behavior even after you have said you wont?<br /> Do you have difficulty relaxing and having fun. Would you not regonize fun, even if it was right on front of your nose?<br /> Are you frequently impatient with yourself or others?<br /> Do you think you are the only person in the world you can depend on?<br /> Do you feel compelled to do things for other people they could do for themselfs?<br /> Do you do things you don't want to do, rather than risking disappointing people?<br /> Do you have difficulty trusting your won perception? Do you need to prove you are right and others are wrong in order to convince yourself?<br /> Do you feel embarresed or ashamed because of someone else's behaviour?<br /> Do you startle easily?<br /> Do you think the best way to take care of your needs is not to have any?<br /> The original outline:<br /> <br /> How did you feel/react when you heard that your life was unmanageable?<br /> In what ways has your life been unmanageable?<br /> Trying to change things.<br /> Trying to control outcomes<br /> Trying to change somebody else<br /> Worrying<br /> Obsessing<br /> Not taking care of my own “stuff” because I’m in someone else’s.<br /> Priorities out of order<br /> What are symptoms of unmanageability?<br /> Anger<br /> Not eating<br /> Not sleeping<br /> Over-working<br /> Paralyzed inside<br /> Depression<br /> Isolation<br /> Physically sick<br /> How do I deal with these things differently today?<br /> Recognize when something is outside my control and “put it down.”<br /> Prayer<br /> Ask for help -- talk to a “program friend” or sponsor.<br /> Go to a meeting.<br /> Do what I can now, then let go of worry and obsession.<br /> Take care of myself -- remember to eat and sleep.<br /> Inventory -- what is my part, what is not?<br /> Understand my options<br /> Recognize that I have choices.<br /> Don’t pick up the rope.<br /> Gratitude<br /> Slogans that help<br /> First things first.<br /> Do the next right thing.<br /> Let go and let God.<br /> One day at a time<br /> Just for today<br /> How important is it?<br /> How do I know that my life is manageable?<br /> I have time for “me”<br /> I’m not always jumping from one “crisis” to the next<br /> I can recognize my choices and make them rationally<br /> I recognize others’ humanity and have compassion for their struggle<br /> I recognize that it is not my job to “fix” others The Recovery Show 1:23:05
Tradition 9 – no organization – Episode 86 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/#respond Wed, 03 Sep 2014 02:59:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2933 How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, “Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.” This seems somehow contradictory. What does it mean? Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 9, following these questions: What does it mean that our … Continue reading "Tradition 9 – no organization – Episode 86"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/feed/ 0 How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, "Our groups, as such, ought never be organized ..." This seems contradictory. What does it mean? How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, "Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve." This seems somehow contradictory. What does it mean?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 9, following these questions:<br /> <br /> What does it mean that our groups are not organized?<br /> How do we get things done without “organization”?<br /> When might we create “service boards” or committees?<br /> How does this tradition connect to Steps 2 & 3?<br /> How can I apply this tradition in my daily life? The Recovery Show 1:09:49
Alcoholism – a Personal Journey – Episode 85 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/#respond Tue, 26 Aug 2014 03:39:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2925 What did you think when you first heard the statement that alcoholism is a disease? Did is seem like a cop-out? Did you feel that your loved one just needed to drink normally!? Today, Spencer explores his personal journey of coming to an understanding of this cunning, baffling, and powerful thing called alcoholism. Here's a … Continue reading "Alcoholism – a Personal Journey – Episode 85"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/feed/ 0 Is alcoholism a disease? Or is that a cop-out? Listen to my journey of understanding of this cunning, powerful, and baffling thing called alcoholism. What did you think when you first heard the statement that alcoholism is a disease? Did is seem like a cop-out? Did you feel that your loved one just needed to drink normally!? Today, Spencer explores his personal journey of coming to an understanding of this cunning, baffling, and powerful thing called alcoholism.<br /> <br /> Here's a rough outline of the journey in bullet points:<br /> <br /> Alcoholism? Is that a thing?<br /> Alcoholic? Certainly not!<br /> The poster.<br /> Early explanations<br /> Genetics<br /> Brain chemistry<br /> Recovery and relapse<br /> Open talks<br /> Eye opening<br /> Coming to see the arc of the story -- one story in many lives<br /> Finding hope<br /> Disease concept<br /> Brain chemistry?<br /> A disease that denies itself<br /> Chronic, Progressive, Fatal unless arrested<br /> No known “cure” but can be treated<br /> Like cancer in remission<br /> Lifetime treatment (like diabetes)<br /> Compassion<br /> The Recovery Show 1:02:21
The 4 Ms – Manipulation Managing Mothering Martyrdom – Episode 84 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/#respond Tue, 12 Aug 2014 02:53:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2916 Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the … Continue reading "The 4 Ms – Manipulation Managing Mothering Martyrdom – Episode 84"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/feed/ 0 Do you try to do it all? To take care of others? To force outcomes? Are you unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom.<br /> <br /> Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the "4 M's" and how the program has helped us to rely less on these crutches.<br /> <br /> How do/did I try to manipulate others?<br /> “Setting up” a situation<br /> passive/agressive behavior<br /> How do/did I try to manage and control my live and the lives of those around me?<br /> How have I taken on responsibilities that were not mine?<br /> Have I ever been called a control freak?<br /> How do/did I mother others by “cleaning up” their problems, by doing things for them, etc?<br /> How have I played the martyr. What did I hope to gain?<br /> What tools does Alanon give us?<br /> Inventory – recognizing my behaviors.<br /> Loving detachment<br /> Self care The Recovery Show 1:25:24
Tradition 8 – Episode 83 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/#respond Tue, 05 Aug 2014 05:02:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2908 Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? How do we help one another in Al-Anon? Today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.” … Continue reading "Tradition 8 – Episode 83"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? We talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? How do we help one another in Al-Anon? Today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 8, guided by these thought questions.<br /> <br /> How does the reading match with my experience in Al-Anon?<br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> What are the advantages of a “fellowship of equals”?<br /> What are the disadvantages?<br /> Do I look to certain members as “experts”?<br /> How can this be a problem for me?<br /> How can this be a problem for them?<br /> Do I sometimes feel reluctant to share because I’m not an “expert”?<br /> Am I sometimes reluctant to share my problems because I feel I have to be “perfect” in my program?<br /> How can I share with others without trying to fix them?<br /> Am I sometimes “Mr or Ms Alanon”?<br /> How/when am I judgemental?<br /> How/when do I take others’ inventories?<br /> What about paid employees (“special workers”)?<br /> Final thoughts? The Recovery Show 1:11:06
Suffering is Optional – Episode 82 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/#respond Tue, 29 Jul 2014 04:33:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2900 What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering? Spencer and Maria share their experience about suffering and pain. We used this outline to guide our conversation. What distinction does the quote make between pain and suffering? Does it make sense to … Continue reading "Suffering is Optional – Episode 82"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/feed/ 0 What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering? What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Maria share their experience about suffering and pain. We used this outline to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> What distinction does the quote make between pain and suffering?<br /> Does it make sense to say “suffering is pain plus a story we tell ourselves?”<br /> What forms can suffering take?<br /> Worry.<br /> Obsession.<br /> Despair.<br /> Dullness.<br /> Self-pity.<br /> Isolation.<br /> ?<br /> What tools does Al-Anon give is to stop turning pain into suffering?<br /> Let go and let God.<br /> Just for today.<br /> One day at a time.<br /> Loving detachment.<br /> How important is it?<br /> Live and let live.<br /> This too shall pass.<br /> Patience.<br /> Prayer.<br /> Hope.<br /> Attitude of gratitude.<br /> Connection with others -- we are not alone. The Recovery Show 1:33:56
Cause, Cure, Control – The 3 Cs – Episode 81 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/#respond Tue, 22 Jul 2014 04:03:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2891 We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease? What are “the 3 C’s”? We didn't cause our loved one's … Continue reading "Cause, Cure, Control – The 3 Cs – Episode 81"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/feed/ 0 We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease? We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease?<br /> <br /> What are “the 3 C’s”?<br /> We didn't cause our loved one's alcoholism or addiction.<br /> We can't cure it.<br /> We can't control it.<br /> When did you first hear about them?<br /> What did you think then?<br /> How did you feel?<br /> Why are they important?<br /> How do they express our powerlessness over alcohol?<br /> The Recovery Show 53:30
What does it mean to work the steps? – Episode 80 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/#comments Thu, 17 Jul 2014 05:36:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2887 When you first heard “work the steps”, what did you think? Are you still confused about what it means? Or, maybe you’ve worked the steps, but you’re looking for more. Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience of “working the steps”. We consider these questions in our conversations. When … Continue reading "What does it mean to work the steps? – Episode 80"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/feed/ 2 When you first heard “work the steps”, what did you think? Are you still confused about what it means? Or, maybe you’ve worked the steps, but you’re looking for more. Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience o... Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience of “working the steps”. We consider these questions in our conversations.

* When you first heard the phrase “work the steps”, what did you think it meant?
* Have you worked the steps once? More than once?

* If more than once, how did your understanding of “working the steps” change?
* How did you work the steps? From a book? With a sponsor? As part of a group?


* Some steps have clear actions in them (“took an inventory”, “made a list”), and some do not (“came to believe”, “became entirely ready”).

* Would you say that some steps are “action steps” and some are not?
* Or, do you believe that all the steps have actions in them?


* How do you know you have “finished” a step and are ready to move on to the next one?
* If you are a sponsor, how do you guide your sponsees in working the steps?

Our topic for next week is “The 3 C's“. We are told that “We didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and we can't control it.” How does this help? Does it help? What do you think? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music
Here are some songs that we think connect to our topic. Listen to the episode to hear why and how.
Jordin Sparks – One Step at a Time
Ani DiFranco – Work Your Way Out
Janis Joplin – Work me, Lord
The music in the episode:
(intro)
(first break)
Klonopin (second break)
(closing)
 
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The Recovery Show 1:44:56
Tradition 7 – Episode 79 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/#comments Tue, 08 Jul 2014 03:52:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2875 How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.” Spencer and Ruth discuss these questions and others as we explore our understanding of Tradition 7. The statement of this tradition is pretty clear. Why … Continue reading "Tradition 7 – Episode 79"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/feed/ 1 How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.” How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth discuss these questions and others as we explore our understanding of Tradition 7.<br /> <br /> The statement of this tradition is pretty clear. Why do you think we have this tradition?<br /> How does Tradition 7 relate to Tradition 6, which says, in part, “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.”<br /> Are there other ways, besides financial, in which our groups are self-supporting?<br /> How can I be of service to my meeting(s)? How have I been of service?<br /> How do I use this tradition in my personal life?<br /> How am I self supporting<br /> Financially?<br /> Socially?<br /> Spiritually?<br /> Emotionally?<br /> Mentally?<br /> Physically?<br /> How have I felt when I was dependent on others?<br /> Have I expected that “the world” owed me? In what ways? How did I feel? How did I act?<br /> How has my self-worth depended on being needed by others?<br /> Do I take responsibility for my feelings and my actions? Do I blame others for how I feel?<br /> How do I contribute to my own well-being?<br /> How can I be fully self-supporting?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:17:23
What does it mean to “work” the steps? - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/#comments Thu, 26 Jun 2014 13:25:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2873 The topic of our next episode, number 79, is What does it mean to “work” the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question by sending email to feedback@therecoveryshow.com, by calling our voice mail number 734-707-8795, or by using the voicemail button at the right. Here are some thought questions that you can … Continue reading "What does it mean to “work” the steps?"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/feed/ 1 What does it mean to "work" the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question for our next episode. The topic of our next episode, number 79, is What does it mean to "work" the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question by sending email to feedback@therecoveryshow.com, by calling our voice mail number 734-707-8795, or by using the voicemail button at the right.<br /> <br /> Here are some thought questions that you can use as prompts for your sharing:<br /> <br /> When you first heard the phrase "work the steps", what did you think it meant?<br /> Have you worked the steps once? More than once?<br /> If more than once, how did your understanding of "working the steps" change?<br /> How did you work the steps? From a book? With a sponsor? As part of a group?<br /> Some steps have clear actions in them ("took an inventory", "made a list"), and some do not ("came to believe", "became entirely ready").<br /> Would you say that some steps are "action steps" and some are not?<br /> Or, do you believe that all the steps have actions in them?<br /> If you are a sponsor, how do you guide your sponsees in working the steps?<br /> The Recovery Show 3:15
Stay or Go? – Episode 78 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/#respond Tue, 24 Jun 2014 04:16:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2861 Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard question, Stay or Go? Spencer starts with his experience. He … Continue reading "Stay or Go? – Episode 78"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/feed/ 0 Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard... Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard question, Stay or Go?<br /> <br /> Spencer starts with his experience. He struggled for years with that question. When he came into the program, he was grateful to hear that he should not make any big decisions in his first year. It took a couple of years and some hard work to decide to stay in his alcoholic marriage.<br /> <br /> Ruth was in her relationship for a long time before she came to see that he was an alcoholic. She found Al-Anon then. After some more time, she realized that she could not continue in that relationship and made the hard decision to end it.<br /> <br /> Jennifer has stayed with her alcoholic husband, so far. She has hope that he will find long-term sobriety, but fears for the effects of his drinking on their young children if he cannot.<br /> <br /> Julia recently ended her relationship with her alcoholic boyfriend. She came to see that the relationship was not healthy for her, and that she could not stay.<br /> The Recovery Show 1:13:02
Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay? – Episode 77 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/#respond Tue, 17 Jun 2014 03:52:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2856 Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming? Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. We used this outline to guide our conversation. What brought you to Al-Anon originally? What was your situation? Was there active … Continue reading "Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay? – Episode 77"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/feed/ 0 Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming? Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. We used this outline to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> What brought you to Al-Anon originally?<br /> What was your situation?<br /> Was there active alcoholism in your life at the time?<br /> What was your relationship to the alcoholic(s) in your life?<br /> How did you “hit bottom”?<br /> What was your first meeting like?<br /> What did you expect?<br /> How were your expectations met?<br /> How were they not met?<br /> Did you keep coming back after your first meeting?<br /> Why or why not?<br /> How and when did you start to understand what the program was about?<br /> What did it mean to you?<br /> Did you find help for the situation that brought you to Al-Anon?<br /> Was it the kind of help you had expected?<br /> How long have you been in Al-Anon?<br /> Is the original situation the same?<br /> How or how not?<br /> What keeps you coming to Al-Anon?<br /> Do you still have active alcoholism in your life?<br /> Did you “discover” more alcoholism around you?<br /> Are you still dealing with the same issues as when you came in?<br /> Do you attend Al-Anon primarily to help you deal with the alcoholism in your life, past or present?<br /> Do you attend because of the growth and change in yourself you have found here?<br /> Do you attend because if you don’t, you get crazy again?<br /> Do you attend to pass the help on to others who are still suffering? The Recovery Show 1:09:42
Loss – Episode 76 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/#respond Tue, 10 Jun 2014 03:19:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2851 What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss … Continue reading "Loss – Episode 76"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/feed/ 0 What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss?<br /> <br /> I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss affects me and those close to me, and how my response to loss is so different now than it was before I came into the program. I used this outline as a guide for my musings.<br /> <br /> The story.<br /> How did I deal with loss in the past?<br /> Stuff it<br /> Ignore it<br /> Numb it<br /> Isolate<br /> Other kinds of loss?<br /> Loss of dreams<br /> Loss of friendship<br /> Separation and divorce<br /> Fear of Loss<br /> How has the program helped me to deal with loss?<br /> Feel it.<br /> Acceptance.<br /> Gratitude for what was.<br /> Grief process -- acknowledge it.<br /> Less guilt.<br /> How to deal with loss and grief<br /> Take care of self<br /> Prayer<br /> Ask for help<br /> Talk about it<br /> One Day at a Time<br /> Letting go The Recovery Show 48:57
Tradition 6 – Episode 75 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/#respond Tue, 03 Jun 2014 03:52:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2843 Tradition 6 says “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always co-operate with Alcoholics Anonymous.” What does this mean? How do we understand and apply it? How do … Continue reading "Tradition 6 – Episode 75"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/feed/ 0 Tradition 6 keeps us focused on our primary purpose by saying that we "ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise". Tradition 6 says “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always co-operate with Alcoholics Anonymous.” What does this mean? How do we understand and apply it? How do we use it in our personal life?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 6, guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> Why do I think we have this tradition?<br /> What is “our primary spiritual aim”?<br /> What are some examples of “outside enterprises”?<br /> Religions<br /> Treatment programs<br /> Other 12-step programs<br /> What are some hazards of promoting, endorsing, or talking about such “outside enterprises” in our meetings?<br /> In what ways does Al-Anon “cooperate with AA”?<br /> How can I apply this tradition in your personal life?<br /> Am I allowing material or financial concerns to gain priority over my personal spiritual needs and serenity?<br /> Am I allowing personal problems or successes to overwhelm me?<br /> Am I letting them get in the way of how I treat others?<br /> How do these slogans relate to Tradition 6?<br /> Easy Does It<br /> Keep It Simple<br /> Live and Let Live<br /> Let Go and Let God<br /> The Recovery Show 1:03:37
Faith over Fear – Episode 74 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/#comments Tue, 27 May 2014 04:19:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2837 Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear. Spencer and Adrienne talked about their experience with fear and faith, reflecting on these questions and others. How has fear been a factor in your life to date? In what ways did fear direct your actions (or … Continue reading "Faith over Fear – Episode 74"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/feed/ 2 Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear. Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Adrienne talked about their experience with fear and faith, reflecting on these questions and others.<br /> <br /> How has fear been a factor in your life to date?<br /> In what ways did fear direct your actions (or inactions) in the past?<br /> How have you experienced faith in recovery?<br /> Which steps are acts of faith for you?<br /> How does working the steps help you to learn to have faith?<br /> How can you move in faith rather than sitting in fear today? The Recovery Show 1:26:59
Tradition 5 – Episode 73 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/#respond Thu, 15 May 2014 06:13:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2825 Have you wondered what Al-Anon is about? Why do we keep coming when we feel better? What does Al-Anon tell us about our alcoholic friends and relatives? These questions and more are addressed by Tradition 5. “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the … Continue reading "Tradition 5 – Episode 73"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/feed/ 0 We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics. Have you wondered what Al-Anon is about? Why do we keep coming when we feel better? What does Al-Anon tell us about our alcoholic friends and relatives? These questions and more are addressed by Tradition 5. “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.”<br /> <br /> Ruth shares her experience with being welcomed into the fellowship of Al-Anon, and about how she came to understand what it means to "encourage" her alcoholic loved one. Then Spencer shares his musings on this tradition, roughly following this outline.<br /> <br /> What does it mean to “understand and encourage our alcoholic relatives”?<br /> How can we gain understanding of alcoholism?<br /> How does this help us?<br /> How can I “encourage” my alcoholic relative(s)?<br /> In what ways did Al-Anon welcome me?<br /> How do I welcome others?<br /> How do I give comfort to others?<br /> Why is it important for me to work the 12 steps? The Recovery Show 1:27:41
We claim spiritual progress … – Episode 72 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/#respond Tue, 06 May 2014 04:06:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2817 Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can't go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down … Continue reading "We claim spiritual progress … – Episode 72"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/feed/ 0 Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." ... We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. (Alcoholics Anonymous)<br /> <br /> Mara joins Spencer again to talk about perfection, progress, and topics in between. We had some question, but the quote, above, from the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous formed the foundation of our conversation. Here are some of the questions we may or may not have ended up addressing.<br /> <br /> What does it mean to be perfect?<br /> What is your perspective/understanding on character defects? Are they what keep you from perfection?<br /> How did you feel about perfection before the program vs. now?<br /> What do you consider to be progress?<br /> How does your outlook and attitude change when you look at your progress (how far you’ve come) instead of your shortcomings (how far you have to go to be perfect)?<br /> How do you see your progress?<br /> By taking a periodic inventory?<br /> When you see yourself facing or responding to an old situation in a new way?<br /> When someone else points it out to you?<br /> How do you feel or react when something does not work out the way you wanted it to?<br /> What tools can you use to get past that feeling or reaction to resolution or completion?<br /> Spencer closed with this prayer he got from a Facebook friend, by which he tries to live every day. "Lord, help me to hold myself and others to a standard of grace, rather than perfection." The Recovery Show 1:52:54
Recovery on the Road interview with Mara – Episode 71 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/#respond Thu, 01 May 2014 04:57:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2814 How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive. Our conversation was very loosely guided by these questions: Did you think about how you were going to take your recovery program with you before … Continue reading "Recovery on the Road interview with Mara – Episode 71"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/feed/ 0 How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive. How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive.<br /> <br /> Our conversation was very loosely guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> Did you think about how you were going to take your recovery program with you before you left home?<br /> What did you take with you? (Literature, phone numbers, meeting locations / list?)<br /> What were your expectations about what you would find at your destination (that could support your recovery)?<br /> How did you use what you brought?<br /> Did you make program calls? Text? Email?<br /> How did what happened match (or not) your expectations (of practicing recovery)?<br /> Did you attend in-person meetings?<br /> Did you attend online meetings?<br /> What did you find challenging about practicing your recovery program while traveling?<br /> How did your program help you enjoy your travel?<br /> What else would you like to share about your experience?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:19:17
Living with alcoholism or addiction – Episode 70 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/#comments Tue, 22 Apr 2014 05:18:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2810 Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction. We hear personal stories from Julie, Jen, Maria, and Spencer. Each of us was given the following questions … Continue reading "Living with alcoholism or addiction – Episode 70"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/feed/ 1 Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction. Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction.<br /> <br /> We hear personal stories from Julie, Jen, Maria, and Spencer. Each of us was given the following questions as a prompt, and although our stories are different, they are also the same.<br /> <br /> Tell me a little bit about your situation:<br /> What relationship do you have with the active alcoholic or addict?<br /> Is he or she living in your home?<br /> How long have you been living with active alcoholism?<br /> Are you still living with the alcoholic or have you separated?<br /> How long have you been attending AlAnon meetings?<br /> How long have you been working the AlAnon program, if that's different from the answer to the previous question?<br /> How are you using the tools of the AlAnon program in your situation?<br /> Which slogans do you find helpful?<br /> How do you recognize your powerlessness?<br /> What do you have power to affect or change?<br /> Are you keeping the focus on yourself first?<br /> Are you practicing detachment? With love?<br /> Are you recognizing where you have enabled the alcoholic in the past?<br /> How are you working to not enable now?<br /> Has AlAnon helped you to be less angry, sad, scared, frustrated, anxious, (add your own favorite emotion here)?<br /> What questions and issues are you struggling with now?<br /> With respect to the alcoholic?<br /> With respect to other family members such as children?<br /> With respect to yourself?<br /> With respect to the relationship you have with the alcoholic?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:41:01
Tradition 4 – autonomy – Episode 69 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/#respond Tue, 15 Apr 2014 03:37:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2805 Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4, which says “Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting … Continue reading "Tradition 4 – autonomy – Episode 69"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/feed/ 0 Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4. Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4, which says “Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or AA as a whole.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Rachel talk about Tradition 4. As we do, we consider these questions and others.<br /> <br /> What does this tradition say to you about how we can and cannot conduct our meetings?<br /> What is autonomy?<br /> How might the actions of a particular group affect “Alanon or AA as a whole”?<br /> How does this tradition suggest that a group takes responsibility for their actions?<br /> How can you apply this tradition to your own life?<br /> How do you take responsibility for your own actions?<br /> How do you allow others to take responsibility for their own actions?<br /> Think about other groups you are a member of (family, affinity group, group of close friends).<br /> Do these groups follow this tradition? What would happen if they did? The Recovery Show 1:12:24
Forgiveness – Episode 68 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/#respond Tue, 08 Apr 2014 04:47:39 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2799 Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness. Spencer and Erika share their experience, strength, and hope about forgiveness, and try to address these questions. … Continue reading "Forgiveness – Episode 68"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness. Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Erika share their experience, strength, and hope about forgiveness, and try to address these questions.<br /> <br /> What do the quotes that we opened the show with say to you about forgiveness?<br /> How does this compare to the way you used to think about forgiveness?<br /> Did you (or do you) think about forgiveness as giving a “free pass” to the person who hurt you?<br /> Do you now think about forgiveness as “a gift you give to yourself”? (Or can you be willing to think about it that way now?)<br /> How can forgiveness connect to the love of your higher power?<br /> What Al-Anon tools can you use to help move from anger and resentment to forgiveness?<br /> Inventory — seeing “my part” (and I there is almost always “my part” as well as “their part”)<br /> Compassion — especially helpful for me in finding forgiveness for my alcoholic loved one’s actions during her active disease.<br /> Prayer and meditation. Praying for the person I want to forgive, even if it’s just the “SOB prayer.”<br /> Seeing that the other person is a human being, with faults, and that they were doing the best they knew at the time.<br /> Setting boundaries to prevent the hurt from happening again.<br /> How can I find forgiveness for myself, for my past actions that hurt others? (Same tools?)<br /> What about “unforgiveable” behaviors? How can I let them go so that they’re not continuing to affect my serenity and continuing to drag me down? The Recovery Show 1:32:06
Made a Decision – Episode 67 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/#comments Tue, 01 Apr 2014 02:53:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2791 I’ve titled today’s episode Made a Decision. I am going to relate my the story of my journey to and through Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our live over to  the care of God as we understood God.” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness, … Continue reading "Made a Decision – Episode 67"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/feed/ 1 “Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God …” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness, surrendered. I’ve titled today’s episode Made a Decision. I am going to relate my the story of my journey to and through Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our live over to the care of God as we understood God.” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness, and eventually surrendered. But still, I must give my will over on a daily basis, because I continue to try to take it back.<br /> <br /> My Story<br /> What is this “God” thing of which you speak?<br /> How can I turn my will and my life over to something I don’t believe in?<br /> “Act as if”<br /> Letting go of my loved one’s recovery (or lack thereof)<br /> The meeting and the program as my HP<br /> A later understanding of surrender -- just going to meetings<br /> Unmanageability as motivation<br /> Evidence of God working in my life<br /> Growing willingness<br /> Surrender<br /> God suggests -- sometimes I listen<br /> Daily practice<br /> What holds me back?<br /> My intellect<br /> Fear (of losing control)<br /> Desire for my outcome<br /> What pushed me forward<br /> Clear unmanageability of life<br /> Seeing it work -- when I listened<br /> My will has often led me into trouble<br /> Change requires changing -- letting go of old ways -- I can’t do it alone The Recovery Show 1:06:50
Codependency – Episode 66 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/#comments Tue, 25 Mar 2014 05:59:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2778 If you put your loved one’s needs ahead of your own… If you feel that others’ happiness is your responsibility… If your response to “what do you want for dinner” is “what do you want?”  … Then you’ve come to the right place, because today, we’re going to talk about codependency. Spencer took this one … Continue reading "Codependency – Episode 66"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/feed/ 1 If you put your loved one’s needs ahead of your own… If you feel that others’ happiness is your responsibility… If your response to “what do you want for dinner” is “what do you want?” … You’ve come to the right place, Spencer took this one solo, trying to follow this rough outline:

* Wikipedia says “Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”
* Did you have any understanding of codependency before you came into recovery? Had you even heard of it?
* When did you first hear of codependency? What did you think it meant then?
* How has your understanding of codependency changed?
* In what ways do you have codependent behavior?
* How have you recovered from your own codependent behavior? What program tools do you use?
* How do you deal with other people’s codependent behavior?

* In your family?
* With friends?
* With co-workers?



Upcoming topics include Tradition 4, forgiveness, and how to take recovery with you when you travel. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
Lori McKenna: Drinkin' Problem
Misty Lyn and the Big Beautiful: Drowning's Better (with your friends)

Coldplay: Fix You
After I finished recording, I received an email from Julia who recommended “Can't Smile Without You” by Barry Manilow as “the most codependent song ever.” It's hard to disagree:
 
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The Recovery Show 1:10:39
Hope – Episode 65 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/#respond Tue, 18 Mar 2014 03:28:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2773 “… we shall hew from this mountain of despair a small stone of hope.” — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of … Continue reading "Hope – Episode 65"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/feed/ 0 What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of confusion, fear, and despair. "... we shall hew from this mountain of despair a small stone of hope." — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.<br /> <br /> What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of confusion, fear, and despair.<br /> <br /> Some of the questions we used to guide our discussion included these:<br /> <br /> How did you experience hope before you came to the program?<br /> Did you “hope for” particular outcomes?<br /> Has your conception or experience of hope changed as you have worked the program?<br /> Do you see a difference between having a hopeful attitude versus an optimistic attitude?<br /> The "Stockdale paradox" is that the POWs in Vietnam who didn't survive were the optimists.<br /> In his “dream” speech, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. said “With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.”<br /> What does this say to you?<br /> Does faith support or engender hope for you? (Faith in a higher power, faith in the program, faith that there are good people, faith…)<br /> How can we find hope in a seemingly hopeless situation?<br /> Can hope lift us from despair, as King suggests?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:34:38
Detachment – a “best of” episode – Episode 64 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/#respond Tue, 11 Mar 2014 01:25:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2767 Early on, I was told to practice “loving detachment.” I already knew how to do “middle finger detachment,” but detaching with love was a foreign concept. In this “best of” episode from February 2013, Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope about this complex topic. Our topic for next week is hope. Please … Continue reading "Detachment – a “best of” episode – Episode 64"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/feed/ 0 I was told to practice "loving detachment." I already know how to do "middle finger detachment," but detaching with love was a foreign concept. Early on, I was told to practice "loving detachment." I already knew how to do "middle finger detachment," but detaching with love was a foreign concept. In this "best of" episode from February 2013, Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope about this complex topic.<br /> The Recovery Show 53:11
Tradition 3 – Episode 63 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/#respond Tue, 04 Mar 2014 04:46:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2759 Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.” … Continue reading "Tradition 3 – Episode 63"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/feed/ 0 Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.”<br /> <br /> Ruth contributed her reading of Tradition 3 in German: "Wenn sich Angehörige von Alkoholikern zu gegenseitiger Hilfe versammeln, können sie sich Al-Anon Familiengruppe nennen, vorausgesetzt, dass sie - als Gruppe - keine andere Bindung haben. Die einzige Voraussetzung für die Zugehörigkeit ist, dass bei einem Angehörigen oder Freund ein Alkoholproblem besteht." (From http://www.al-anon.de/grund/programm/12traditionen.htm)<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talked by Skype, and we then added her contributions into the conversation with Wendy. We used these questions to guide our discussions:<br /> <br /> How do you interpret the word “relatives” in this tradition?<br /> What about “alcoholic” and “alcoholism”?<br /> Does your loved one have to admit they are alcoholic before you qualify for Al-Anon?<br /> What if the alcoholic is no longer present in your life?<br /> Do you think this tradition is intended to be inclusive or exclusive? Or maybe some of both?<br /> How do you feel about including members whose loved ones are addicts to another drug or behavior?<br /> Can alcoholics and addicts qualify?<br /> How do we welcome them and keep the focus on Al-Anon at the same time?<br /> What does this tradition suggest about how our groups function?<br /> Welcoming new members?<br /> Keeping focus on Al-Anon?<br /> Who gets to decide whether someone is qualified to attend Al-Anon?<br /> Can we read this tradition to say “we don’t judge motives”?<br /> How can I use this tradition in my personal life?<br /> How can I use it at work?<br /> How can I use it in relationships? The Recovery Show 1:18:25
Changed Attitudes – Episode 62 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/#respond Tue, 25 Feb 2014 04:48:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2754 We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes.  at·ti·tude a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior. the orientation of an aircraft or spacecraft, relative to … Continue reading "Changed Attitudes – Episode 62"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/feed/ 0 We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes. We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes.<br /> <br /> at·ti·tude<br /> <br /> a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior.<br /> the orientation of an aircraft or spacecraft, relative to the direction of travel.<br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion:<br /> <br /> What is “attitude” anyway?<br /> Do I generally have a negative attitude or a positive attitude?<br /> Can you make deliberate changes in attitude?<br /> One definition: “Angle of approach”<br /> If you use this definition, how does this change your answer?<br /> Can you change your attitude by looking at your situation / events / other people from a different point of view?<br /> Have you changed your attitudes since coming to the program?<br /> How does a change in attitude help me to accept powerlessness?<br /> To help me see what I *can* change?<br /> To stop “taking it personally”?<br /> What tools have helped you change attitude?<br /> Steps?<br /> Slogans?<br /> Other people’s experience, strength and hope?<br /> From meetings<br /> Literature<br /> “open” talks<br /> Higher power, prayer, meditation<br /> How have changes in attitude helped you<br /> In relationships?<br /> At work?<br /> Dealing with the addict/alcoholic(s) in your live?<br /> Living? The Recovery Show 1:15:11
Intuition or God’s Will? – Episode 61 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/#respond Tue, 18 Feb 2014 04:04:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2746 How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing? Spencer does this one solo, with written participation by Ruth and Adrienne. He starts from this outline: What is intuition? in·tu·i·tion 1. the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for … Continue reading "Intuition or God’s Will? – Episode 61"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/feed/ 0 How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing? How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing?<br /> <br /> Spencer does this one solo, with written participation by Ruth and Adrienne. He starts from this outline:<br /> <br /> What is intuition?<br /> in·tu·i·tion<br /> 1. the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.<br /> synonyms: instinct, intuitiveness<br /> 2. a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.<br /> How do I know the will of my higher power?<br /> Step 11: “conscious contact” through prayer and meditation<br /> Make time to listen to HP<br /> Go to meetings<br /> Calm. Gut feeling.<br /> Daily surrender (Step 3 / 7 prayers)<br /> Can intuition be the voice of my higher power?<br /> “Conscious contact” vs “instinctive / without conscious reasoning”<br /> “still small voice”<br /> What are warning signs that it is not my HP’s will?<br /> Trying to control<br /> Another person<br /> outcomes<br /> Dropping/ignoring program actions (meetings, reading, P&M)<br /> unmanageability, stress<br /> scrambling, frenetic, frantic<br /> The Recovery Show 1:06:30
Tradition 2 – Episode 60 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/#respond Mon, 10 Feb 2014 06:58:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2738 Spencer and Adrienne discuss Tradition 2, which says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority – a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience.  Our leaders are but trusted servants – they do not govern.” Which, when you think about it, is a pretty radical statement. Have you been … Continue reading "Tradition 2 – Episode 60"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/feed/ 0 Tradition 2 says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority - a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants - they do not govern.” Spencer and Adrienne discuss Tradition 2, which says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority - a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants - they do not govern.” Which, when you think about it, is a pretty radical statement. Have you been in any other groups that functioned without “leaders”? What does it mean that our leaders are “trusted servants?”<br /> <br /> We start with a reading from the blog al-anon journal about Tradition 2. Our discussion was shaped by these thoughts and questions:<br /> <br /> From Courage to Change Page 215:<br /> We strive to conduct our meetings as a fellowship of equals and to practice rotation of leadership. No single member has the right to take charge.<br /> When I insist on having my way, I am tampering with the spiritual nature of AlAnon as a whole<br /> Any attempt to manage or direct is likely to have disastrous consequences for Group Harmony<br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> How can it work? Can it really work to have no one person deciding how things will be?<br /> What is a “group conscience?” How is it determined?<br /> Is this sort of like Steps 2 & 3 for the group?<br /> How can you use this tradition in your personal life?<br /> In relationships<br /> At work<br /> With friends<br /> How does Tradition 2 support Tradition 1 (welfare of the group comes first)?<br /> Does this tradition remind me to not “take charge”?<br /> What is a “trusted servant?” How do you lead without governing?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:26:08
Relapse – Episode 59 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/#respond Mon, 03 Feb 2014 05:52:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2733 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. We structured our discussion around these points and questions: The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal. Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently … Continue reading "Relapse – Episode 59"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/feed/ 0 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse.<br /> <br /> We structured our discussion around these points and questions:<br /> <br /> The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal.<br /> Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently part of the process.<br /> As friends and family members, many of us have experienced the relapse of a loved one from a period of sobriety, sometimes short, sometimes long and full of recovery.<br /> How did and how do we respond and react when a loved one relapses?<br /> What is our understanding of relapse? It is often a process in which picking up the drink or drug is the last stage.<br /> How can we support ourselves and our loved ones in relapse?<br /> And, sometimes, we relapse back to our old behavior. What is an “Al-Anon relapse”?<br /> Have you had one? What was it like, and how did you get out of it? The Recovery Show 1:25:36
Interview with Michele – Relapse preview – Episode 58 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/#respond Mon, 27 Jan 2014 05:57:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2715 Michele wrote to us last week suggesting that we talk about relapse. She also offered to share her experience with us. I called her to interview her, and realized that her story was powerful and compelling. So, I changed the plan and this episode is our interview with Michele, talking about her 8 year journey … Continue reading "Interview with Michele – Relapse preview – Episode 58"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/feed/ 0 Michele talks about her 8 year journey as her son sank into addiction, her journey into recovery, and how that helped her to deal with repeated relapses. Michele wrote to us last week suggesting that we talk about relapse. She also offered to share her experience with us. I called her to interview her, and realized that her story was powerful and compelling. So, I changed the plan and this episode is our interview with Michele, talking about her 8 year journey as her son sank into addiction, about her journey into recovery, and about how that helped her to deal with his repeated relapses. When I wrote her to request an interview, her response included this: " Ironically, my son did relapse--just this past Saturday night, the day after I sent you my e-mail..." Listen and hear how she recognized a real change in her reaction and her response. The Recovery Show 1:20:47
Face to face meetings, why are they important? – Episode 57 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/#respond Tue, 21 Jan 2014 06:10:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2705 Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important. Our discussion was guided by these questions: What resources have you used / do you use in your program? Meetings Reading Al-Anon … Continue reading "Face to face meetings, why are they important? – Episode 57"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/feed/ 0 Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important. Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important.<br /> <br /> Our discussion was guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What resources have you used / do you use in your program?<br /> <br /> Meetings<br /> Reading Al-Anon literature<br /> Daily reader<br /> Sponsor<br /> Phone list<br /> Individual meetings with program members<br /> Small group (“AWOL”)<br /> Email<br /> Online meetings<br /> Podcasts<br /> Blogs<br /> Social media<br /> Journaling<br /> etc.<br /> How have these helped you? How is each different from the others?<br /> Could you do your program without going to meetings?<br /> What do you get from meetings that you don’t get from other resources?<br /> How does going to a meeting help others? How does it help to build a community of recovery?<br /> Has there been a time when you were unable to or just didn’t go to meetings? What did you do then? The Recovery Show 1:16:26
Communication – Episode 56 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/#respond Mon, 13 Jan 2014 07:16:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2695 Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Maria and guest host Meishia talk about Communication. We started with this list of questions. How … Continue reading "Communication – Episode 56"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Maria and guest host Meishia talk about Communication.<br /> <br /> We started with this list of questions.<br /> <br /> How did you communicate in your relationships before you came to the program?<br /> What special challenges to communication have you faced/seen in alcoholic relationships?<br /> Which of these communication skills did you have then / do you have now? Listening attentively and openly. Stating your needs clearly. Using “I” statements.<br /> Which of these communication problems did you have then / have you reduced or eliminated? Accusatory or judgemental statements. Expecting others to “read your mind”. Emotional reaction. Escalation to argument or fight<br /> What are “I” statements? Why would you want to use them? How can they help to enhance communication and avoid emotional escalation?<br /> Are you aware of the non-verbal signals you send?<br /> <br /> A well-written contribution from Adrienne sparked our conversation, and we just rolled on from there. The Recovery Show 1:38:33
Tradition 1 – Episode 55 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/#respond Tue, 07 Jan 2014 07:45:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2685 Spencer and Maria are joined by special guest Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, which says “Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” We are guided by these questions: What does “common welfare” mean to you? What does “unity” mean to / for you? How do you think that … Continue reading "Tradition 1 – Episode 55"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/feed/ 0 Spencer, Maria and Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, "Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” Spencer and Maria are joined by special guest Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, which says "Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” We are guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What does “common welfare” mean to you?<br /> What does “unity” mean to / for you?<br /> How do you think that this tradition supports personal progress.?<br /> What are some ways you observe this tradition in your group(s)?<br /> How does this tradition inform or affect the “rules” your group(s) use in meetings?<br /> How does a group or meeting suffer when one person shares to long or otherwise dominates the meeting?<br /> Have you been affected by that behavior? Have you done that?<br /> How can and do you use this tradition outside the program, in your personal life?<br /> The reading in Pathways suggests that “a loving, spiritual community” provides the best chance for personal recovery. How does Tradition 1 help to build and maintain such a community?<br /> Do you share your experience, strength, and hope in your group meetings?<br /> Do you give others the opportunity to share equally? Do you listen when they share?<br /> How do sharing and listening attentively help to unite the group?<br /> How does taking control destroy unity?<br /> Does this tradition mean that everyone in the group must be happy or satisfied with a decision? Why or why not?<br /> How can you use what you have learned about this tradition to bring balance into your relationships?<br /> <br /> Ruth is in Germany, so we asked her to read Tradition 1 in German, which is “Unser gemeinsames Wohlergehen sollte an erster Stelle stehen; persönlicher Fortschritt für möglichst viele hängt vom Einigsein ab.” (http://www.al-anon.de/grund/programm/12traditionen.htm) The Recovery Show 1:31:34
Family of our Dreams – Episode 54 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/#respond Mon, 30 Dec 2013 04:47:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2669 In the book, How Al-Anon Works, in the discussion of Step 1, it says, “We may never have the family of our dreams…” What is the family of your dreams? How does your family fall short of your dreams? What have you tried to do about it? How has recovery helped you to relate to … Continue reading "Family of our Dreams – Episode 54"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/feed/ 0 “We may never have the family of our dreams…” How has recovery helped you to relate to your family that you have, even if it's not the one of your dreams? In the book, How Al-Anon Works, in the discussion of Step 1, it says, “We may never have the family of our dreams…” What is the family of your dreams? How does your family fall short of your dreams? What have you tried to do about it? How has recovery helped you to relate to your family, whether the family of origin, family of choice, or “recovery family”?.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Maria, and Nic address these questions and others, very roughly following this outline.<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of the phrase “family of our dreams”?<br /> How do you envision your dream family of origin?<br /> How do you envision your dream family of choice?<br /> How do your real families fall short of your dreams? (Pick 1 or 2 examples!)<br /> How have you used / can you use your Al-Anon tools and principles in your families?<br /> Setting boundaries.<br /> Keeping expectations realistic.<br /> Accepting others as they are.<br /> We may not receive love in the way we want it, but recognizing it in whatever form it may be offered.<br /> Maintaining our own recovery in the face of non-recovery.<br /> Recognizing/breaking out of old unhealthy patterns.<br /> Detaching with love.<br /> Refraining from controlling behavior.<br /> Recognizing when we are shopping for bread at the hardware store.<br /> Keeping the focus on ourselves.<br /> Reflect on how your view of / interaction with / tolerance of / participation in your family(s) have changed in recovery. The Recovery Show 1:13:30
Step 12 – Episode 53 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/#comments Fri, 20 Dec 2013 07:20:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2636 Are you wondering whether you’ve had a spiritual awakening, or even what a spiritual awakening might be? How can you practice these principles in all your affairs? And what are “these principles” anyway? Are you not sure how to carry the message? Today, Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual … Continue reading "Step 12 – Episode 53"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/feed/ 2 Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” Are you wondering whether you’ve had a spiritual awakening, or even what a spiritual awakening might be? How can you practice these principles in all your affairs? And what are “these principles” anyway? Are you not sure how to carry the message? Today, Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”<br /> <br /> Our discussion is structured by these questions:<br /> <br /> Have you had a spiritual awakening?<br /> What does that mean to you?<br /> How do you know?<br /> What sort(s) of spiritual awakening(s) have you experienced?<br /> What do you understand to be “these principles”?<br /> Steps? Traditions? Concepts? Slogans? What else?<br /> What are some ways in which you practice these principles “in all your affairs?”<br /> In the family<br /> At work<br /> With friends<br /> In society<br /> What are some ways in which you carry the message of the program to others?<br /> In meetings<br /> As a sponsor<br /> With family and friends<br /> This podcast!<br /> How does Step 12 empower and inspire you? The Recovery Show 1:23:34
My Story – Episode 52 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/#respond Mon, 09 Dec 2013 04:30:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2626 For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. Several of you did, and two are featured in this episode. Unfortunately, a third suffered damage that made it unplayable, so we weren't able to use it. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer. … Continue reading "My Story – Episode 52"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/feed/ 0 For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer. For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. Several of you did, and two are featured in this episode. Unfortunately, a third suffered damage that made it unplayable, so we weren't able to use it. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer.<br /> <br /> Why is it important that we tell our stories? As all three of these stories show, we felt isolated, we felt alone, and we felt that nobody else could possibly understand what was happening in our lives. We all found common ground and understanding when we came to meetings and heard others sharing their own experiences. It is others' stories that draw us in, and give us hope. It is stories that illuminate tools that we can take for our own, that we can use to deal with the problems in our lives.<br /> <br /> Julia's story is different from Emily's story, and both are different than mine, in the details. But in the essentials, in the feelings and fears and uncertainties and insecurities, they are quite similar. I know that I identified strongly with elements of both stories, and I am sure that you will, too. You may have heard the expression "Identify, don't compare!" If we compare ourselves to others, saying "Well, I'm not like that!" and "I never would do that thing!", we lose an opportunity to grow and heal. When we look for the ways in which we can identify with another's experience, we can then take their strength and hope into our own program of recovery. The Recovery Show 1:03:45
First Things First – Episode 51 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/#respond Mon, 25 Nov 2013 05:20:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2609 Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.” Spencer, Maria and special guest Adrienne discuss this slogan, guided by these questions: How did you make decisions / set … Continue reading "First Things First – Episode 51"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/feed/ 0 Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.” Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.”<br /> <br /> Spencer, Maria and special guest Adrienne discuss this slogan, guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> How did you make decisions / set priorities before the program?<br /> What is the difference between urgent and important for you?<br /> Do you let immediate “crisis” distract you from the important things in your life?<br /> How do you understand the slogan “First things first”?<br /> What tools can help you to figure out what is the “first thing”?<br /> Have you used this slogan to help you make choices and set priorities?<br /> Can you use it to help you get started on something that seems “too big”?<br /> How do you think it relates to the expression “Do the next right thing”?<br /> To “Do what is given you to do”? The Recovery Show 1:31:10
Step 11 – Episode 50 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-11-episode-50/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-11-episode-50/#comments Mon, 18 Nov 2013 05:37:50 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2594 Have you established a routine of prayer and meditation? Do you struggle with them? Are you not sure how to know God’s will? Yes! Today, we’re going to talk about Step 11, which says “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of … Continue reading "Step 11 – Episode 50"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-11-episode-50/feed/ 1 Have you established a routine of prayer and meditation? Do you struggle with them? Are you not sure how to know God’s will? Yes! Today, we’re going to talk about Step 11, Have you established a routine of prayer and meditation? Do you struggle with them? Are you not sure how to know God’s will? Yes! Today, we’re going to talk about Step 11, which says “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Maria talk about Step 11, guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of “prayer”? “meditation”?<br /> How are these different from before the program? Early in the program?<br /> Do you have a regular practice of prayer and meditation?<br /> What is it?<br /> How has it changed over time?<br /> How have you sought to improve your conscious contact with your Higher Power?<br /> How does praying only for knowledge of his will differ from how you prayed before the program?<br /> How do you know if you understand God’s will?<br /> Final thoughts -- how is Step 11 working in your life? The Recovery Show 1:31:11
Getting Started in Al-Anon – Episode 49 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/getting-started-al-anon-episode-49/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/getting-started-al-anon-episode-49/#comments Tue, 12 Nov 2013 13:28:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2576 Are you new to Al-Anon? Do you wonder what to expect? What you should do immediately? What are the challenges we face early on? Does Al-Anon have its own “culture”? Then you’ve come to the right place, because today, we’re going to talk about getting started in Al-Anon. Spencer and guest host Wendy talk about … Continue reading "Getting Started in Al-Anon – Episode 49"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/getting-started-al-anon-episode-49/feed/ 2 Are you new to Al-Anon? Do you wonder what to expect? What you should do immediately? What are the challenges we face early on? Does Al-Anon have its own “culture”? Then you’ve come to the right place, because we’re going to talk about getting started ... Are you new to Al-Anon? Do you wonder what to expect? What you should do immediately? What are the challenges we face early on? Does Al-Anon have its own “culture”? Then you’ve come to the right place, because today, we’re going to talk about getting started in Al-Anon.<br /> <br /> Spencer and guest host Wendy talk about our early experiences in Al-Anon, reflecting on what you might expect as you come to your first few meetings. We used this outline to guide our discussion.<br /> <br /> What should I expect when I come to my first meeting?<br /> Greeting?<br /> Literature?<br /> Meeting format?<br /> What should I do “immediately”?<br /> Go to meetings!<br /> Buy and read literature!<br /> Talk in the meeting?<br /> Get a phone list?<br /> Get a sponsor?<br /> Start working the steps?<br /> What are some early challenges?<br /> The jargon?<br /> Talking?<br /> Listening?<br /> Feeling safe?<br /> Crying?<br /> “God” talk?<br /> Is there an Al-Anon culture? What is it?<br /> Language/jargon?<br /> Slogans?<br /> How we interact with each other? The Recovery Show 1:29:16
Step 10 – Inventory – Episode 48 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-10-episode-48/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-10-episode-48/#respond Wed, 06 Nov 2013 05:35:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2555 Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment? Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory?  How do you feel about admitting your wrongs?  What exactly does this step mean by “promptly”?  Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? Then stick around, because  today, … Continue reading "Step 10 – Inventory – Episode 48"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-10-episode-48/feed/ 0 Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment? Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory? Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? We talk about Step 10. Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment? Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory? How do you feel about admitting your wrongs? What exactly does this step mean by “promptly”? Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? Then stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Step 10.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Maria, and Erika discuss our experience with Step 10, Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. We were guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of a “daily inventory”?<br /> What are some ways you might do a daily inventory? (Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory?)<br /> What is a “spot inventory”?<br /> Do you take a daily inventory?<br /> The second part of Step 10, “and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it” seems pretty clear?<br /> What does “promptly” mean to you?<br /> In what ways might you “admit it”?<br /> Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment?<br /> How do you feel about admitting your wrongs?<br /> Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? The Recovery Show 1:32:33
Changes – Episode 47 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/changes-episode-47/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/changes-episode-47/#comments Mon, 28 Oct 2013 03:09:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2529 Do you wish that things would just stay the same? Does change freak you out? Maybe you get depressed when live today isn’t the same as yesterday. If you identify with these feelings, stick around. Today, I’m going to talk about changes. There is a big change for the Recovery Show: Kelli and Swetha have … Continue reading "Changes – Episode 47"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/changes-episode-47/feed/ 3 Do you wish that things would just stay the same? Does change freak you out? Maybe you get depressed when live today isn’t the same as yesterday. If you identify with these feelings, stick around. Today, I’m going to talk about changes. Do you wish that things would just stay the same? Does change freak you out? Maybe you get depressed when live today isn’t the same as yesterday. If you identify with these feelings, stick around. Today, I’m going to talk about changes.<br /> <br /> There is a big change for the Recovery Show: Kelli and Swetha have decided, for personal reasons, that they can no longer participate in the show. In this episode Spencer reflects on how this change affected him, and how he is using the program to work through it. Here is his rough outline for the show<br /> <br /> Awareness: What happened? How I felt? What I did?<br /> "Change is a process … becoming aware is the first stage of this process." (How Al-Anon Works, p. 23)<br /> Fear of change and uncertainty. What about just giving up?<br /> Acceptance:<br /> “being willing to feel the feels, and if I can't bring myself to do the next right thing, at least trying to refrain from doing the next wrong thing” (from a friend via Facebook)<br /> “Change, even wonderful, positive change, involves some grief for the old … life” (HAW p. 88)<br /> Working the steps: 1 … 2 & 3 … 4 & 5 … 6 & 7<br /> Gratitude -- for what was -- and that I can keep on moving forward.<br /> Serenity prayer!<br /> Reading from Bless the Imperfect.<br /> Action<br /> Sermon this morning: “What is the love story we tell that keeps us going?”<br /> Where are we going?<br /> I am committed to continuing the podcast.<br /> I will be drawing on the local recovery community for guests and maybe, ultimately, new co-hosts.<br /> It will be different. I fear not as good, and I hope to grow into something better (just as we would have continued to do.)<br /> Your contributions are valuable, perhaps more now than ever.<br /> Thank you to all who have contributed, and special thanks to those who sent prayers for me this week.<br /> The Recovery Show 36:14
Days of Wine and Roses roundtable – Episode 46 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/days-wine-roses-roundtable-episode-46/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/days-wine-roses-roundtable-episode-46/#respond Mon, 21 Oct 2013 04:00:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2520 We watched the movie Days of Wine and Roses with our friends Mark and Anna from the Recovered podcast. And then we sat down around a table and talked about it. If you have not seen the movie, you may want to read the plot summaries at IMDB. You can also rent it from Amazon Instant Video … Continue reading "Days of Wine and Roses roundtable – Episode 46"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/days-wine-roses-roundtable-episode-46/feed/ 0 We watched the movie Days of Wine and Roses with our friends Mark and Anna from the Recovered podcast. And then we sat down around a table and talked about it. We watched the movie Days of Wine and Roses with our friends Mark and Anna from the Recovered podcast. And then we sat down around a table and talked about it.<br /> <br /> If you have not seen the movie, you may want to read the plot summaries at IMDB. You can also rent it from Amazon Instant Video<br /> or iTunes Movies.<br /> <br /> In our discussion, we addressed most of these questions:<br /> <br /> How do you feel this movie related to your experience?<br /> In what ways did you feel that this movie was true to life? In what ways did it feel false or contrived?<br /> Was the focus of the movie on the alcoholic/addict experience or codependent experience?<br /> What myths about alcoholism in the 1960s does the movie try to dispel?<br /> What aspects of alcoholism that is portrayed in the film are still true today?<br /> What are your feelings about the way sponsorship was portrayed?<br /> Who needed alanon?<br /> What messages did you get from this movie about codependecy? Did it equate codependency with love? Did it portray codependency as something that caused unhappiness?<br /> Did the movie show the alcoholic/addict as the cause for the unhappiness of the codependent? How did you feel about that?<br /> What about the codependent experience in the movie would you have liked to greater detail on and why?<br /> Who are the codependents and who are the alcoholics?<br /> Is the movie hopeful?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:30:32
Chaos – Episode 45 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/chaos-episode-45/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/chaos-episode-45/#respond Sun, 13 Oct 2013 16:48:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2506 Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos. Spencer, Kelli and our guest Wendy share our experience, strength and hope as prompted by these questions. What do we mean by “chaos”? How … Continue reading "Chaos – Episode 45"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/chaos-episode-45/feed/ 0 Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos. Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli and our guest Wendy share our experience, strength and hope as prompted by these questions.<br /> <br /> What do we mean by “chaos”?<br /> How has your life been chaotic? Before coming to the program? After coming to the program?<br /> What is your reaction or response to chaos? Before the program? Now?<br /> Why do we, as co-dependents, sometimes create chaos?<br /> Why do the alcoholics and addicts create chaos?<br /> What feelings does chaos elicit in you? How did it feel in the past?<br /> How can we find serenity in the midst of chaos?<br /> Which steps particularly apply / are helpful?<br /> Which Al-Anon slogans and other tools can help?<br /> Thoughts about living with chaos in the upcoming holidays? The Recovery Show 1:48:22
Setting Boundaries without Controlling – Episode 44 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/setting-boundaries-without-controlling-episode-44/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/setting-boundaries-without-controlling-episode-44/#comments Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:10:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2481 Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Does it feel like you are trying to control someone else when you set a boundary? Does your loved one accuse you of trying to control them? Do you have trouble following through with appropriate consequences when your boundaries are violated? Then today’s show is for you. We’re going … Continue reading "Setting Boundaries without Controlling – Episode 44"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/setting-boundaries-without-controlling-episode-44/feed/ 3 Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Does it feel like you are trying to control someone else when you set a boundary? Does your loved one accuse you of trying to control them? We talk about setting boundaries without controlling. Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Does it feel like you are trying to control someone else when you set a boundary? Does your loved one accuse you of trying to control them? Do you have trouble following through with appropriate consequences when your boundaries are violated? Then today’s show is for you. We’re going to talk about setting boundaries without controlling.<br /> <br /> Kelli, Spencer, and special guest Jonah shared our experience guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of the concept of “boundary”? Why do we want/ need to set boundaries in the first place?<br /> Before you came into the program, how did you try to “protect yourself” from others’ actions?<br /> How do you determine if your words/ actions are controlling?<br /> What is my motivation? Am I trying to protect my own emotional, spiritual, mental or physical serenity or safety? Or am I trying to tell the other person's what to do (or not do)?<br /> How am I saying it? Am I setting limits on what I will accept, or am I trying to "cause" a particular outcome? Are my statements "I centered" or "you centered"?<br /> How am I specifying the boundary? Is it something that the other person can "see", or would they have to "read my mind"?<br /> Have I set consequences that I can enforce? that I will be willing to enforce?<br /> Do you have an experience of your attempt to set boundaries when that was received as controlling?<br /> Why is it important to you to set boundaries? The Recovery Show 1:47:13
The 3 A’s – Awareness, Acceptance, Action – Episode 43 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/3-awareness-acceptance-action-episode-43/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/3-awareness-acceptance-action-episode-43/#comments Tue, 01 Oct 2013 06:05:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2455 Do you think you have to fix something as soon as you become aware of it? Do you find yourself springing into action even before you know what the problem is? Is it difficult to know if you've fully accepted something as a cue to take action?  Join Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli as we talk … Continue reading "The 3 A’s – Awareness, Acceptance, Action – Episode 43"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/3-awareness-acceptance-action-episode-43/feed/ 1 Do you think you have to fix something as soon as you become aware of it? Do you find yourself springing into action even before you know what the problem is? Is it difficult to know if you've fully accepted something as a cue to take action? Do you think you have to fix something as soon as you become aware of it? Do you find yourself springing into action even before you know what the problem is? Is it difficult to know if you've fully accepted something as a cue to take action? Join Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli as we talk about "the 3 A's", which are awareness, acceptance, and action.<br /> <br /> We try to address these questions in our discussion.<br /> <br /> Briefly, what is your initial definition of the 3 A’s--how do they work for you?<br /> Do you think it’s important to work the 3 A’s in the order they were written? Why?<br /> Do the 3 A’s help to prevent you from taking “unnecessary” action?<br /> Are there any other al-anon tools that, for you, get grouped into the 3 A’s (patience, pause button, meditation, staying in the moment, etc?)<br /> Do the 3 A’s have anything to do with faith?<br /> Is it possible to know exactly when you have reached acceptance and can move into action?<br /> Mark, in the chat room, contributed a 4th "A": anxiety. We are all in for the 4 A's: "Anxiety, Awareness, Acceptance, Action". The Recovery Show 1:49:33
Living Rich, Full Lives in Recovery – Episode 42 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/living-rich-full-lives-recovery-episode-42/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/living-rich-full-lives-recovery-episode-42/#respond Mon, 23 Sep 2013 04:40:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2410 Does a life in recovery sound limiting? Are you unsure what activities, events, etc from your previous life will fit into your new life of recovery? Does living a rich full life sound selfish when your loved ones are still suffering from addiction? What tools have your learned that allow you to fully live your … Continue reading "Living Rich, Full Lives in Recovery – Episode 42"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/living-rich-full-lives-recovery-episode-42/feed/ 0 What tools have your learned that allow you to fully live your own life today? Kelli, Spencer, and Swetha try to answer these questions and others as we talk about living rich, full lives in recovery. Does a life in recovery sound limiting? Are you unsure what activities, events, etc from your previous life will fit into your new life of recovery? Does living a rich full life sound selfish when your loved ones are still suffering from addiction? What tools have your learned that allow you to fully live your own life today? Kelli, Spencer, and Swetha try to answer these questions and others as we talk about living rich, full lives in recovery.<br /> <br /> What does “living rich, full lives” mean to you?<br /> Does it mean something different to you today than it did in the past?<br /> What are some tools you use today to ensure that you are living life in a satisfying way?<br /> How do you know when you are living a rich, full life?<br /> What do you see as the spiritual aspects of a rich, full life?<br /> How can changed attitudes contribute to living a rich, full life?<br /> How does your life today differ from your life before recovery? Some aspects of life to consider include:<br /> Activities<br /> Relationships with partners, friends, family, co-workers, etc.<br /> Spiritual practices<br /> Emotional life<br /> Intellectual life<br /> Do you see your life today as rich and full? As richer and fuller than it has been in times past? What do you still want to add (or take away) to improve your life? The Recovery Show 1:38:53
Vulnerability – Episode 41 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/vulnerability-episode-41/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/vulnerability-episode-41/#comments Mon, 16 Sep 2013 04:10:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2375 Do you fear that being vulnerable with your loved ones will be perceived as a sign of weakness? Do you tend to avoid discussing your own feelings? Do you try to cover up your flaws? Do you often take other people's inventory? Brené Brown says “vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage”. What do … Continue reading "Vulnerability – Episode 41"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/vulnerability-episode-41/feed/ 2 Do you fear that being vulnerable will be seen as a sign of weakness? Do you avoid discussing your own feelings? We talk about vulnerability today. Do you fear that being vulnerable with your loved ones will be perceived as a sign of weakness? Do you tend to avoid discussing your own feelings? Do you try to cover up your flaws? Do you often take other people's inventory?<br /> Brené Brown says “vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage”. What do you think about this? Do you gain trust when someone else is vulnerable? Stick with us as we talk about vulnerability.<br /> <br /> What is vulnerability?<br /> How do you feel about being vulnerable? What is your fear around it?<br /> How is this different from how you felt about vulnerability before the program?<br /> Do you think being vulnerable is good? Why?<br /> Does others’ vulnerability increase your trust in them?<br /> Do you find that others trust you more when you exhibit vulnerability?<br /> How do you exhibit vulnerability in your day to day life?<br /> How has recovery helped you to be more vulnerable?<br /> Google Voice mail from Christina (9/10)<br /> When you are vulnerable today, do you just never get hurt?<br /> How do you handle pain and disappointment while remaining vulnerable?<br /> How do you know when you’re avoiding vulnerability?<br /> Should you always be vulnerable or only around certain people or in certain situations? Why or why not? The Recovery Show 1:37:42
Step 9, Amends – Episode 40 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/step-9-episode-40/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/step-9-episode-40/#respond Tue, 10 Sep 2013 05:36:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2348 Join us as we discuss the power and potential of Step 9, which states “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha share their experience, strength, and hope with Step 9, guided and inspired by questions such as these: Have you … Continue reading "Step 9, Amends – Episode 40"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/step-9-episode-40/feed/ 0 Join us as we discuss the power and potential of Step 9, which states "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Join us as we discuss the power and potential of Step 9, which states "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha share their experience, strength, and hope with Step 9, guided and inspired by questions such as these:<br /> <br /> Have you worked Step 9 yet? If so, give a brief explanation of your experience.<br /> What are the different types of amends you are aware of (living, direct, etc).<br /> Which have you practiced?<br /> Can you describe an example of each?<br /> If you have made direct amends, how did you do it? Where? When? What did you say? What did you not say?<br /> How do you know which type of amends to give to each person on your Step 8 list? [Spencer: “... direct amends … wherever possible” seems pretty clear]<br /> What is a self-amends?<br /> Did you make an amends to yourself? If so, how?<br /> Why is making an amends to yourself important?<br /> Did you make an amends to your Higher Power? Why?<br /> How do you know when you’re ready to give amends to someone?<br /> What happens if you have someone on your list that you just don’t feel ready to make an amend to? Can you move on to Step 10 or do you have to “complete” Step 9 first?<br /> How has making amends changed your life?<br /> What is the difference between an amend and an apology? The Recovery Show 1:30:35
Self Care – Episode 39 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/self-care-episode-39/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/self-care-episode-39/#comments Sun, 01 Sep 2013 04:10:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2274 Do you find yourself often running low on sleep? Do you miss meals because you’re too busy? Do you ever neglect your own basic needs in order to take care of someone else? Well, then this is the episode for you because today’s topic is “Self Care”! Kelli, Spencer and special guest host Jonah talk … Continue reading "Self Care – Episode 39"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/self-care-episode-39/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself running low on sleep? miss meals because you’re busy? neglect your own needs to take care of someone else? Let's talk about self care! Do you find yourself often running low on sleep? Do you miss meals because you’re too busy? Do you ever neglect your own basic needs in order to take care of someone else? Well, then this is the episode for you because today’s topic is “Self Care”!<br /> <br /> Kelli, Spencer and special guest host Jonah talk about their experience, strength and hope, as prompted by questions such as these:<br /> <br /> What is self care? Does it only mean eating enough and sleeping enough?<br /> Why is self care important?<br /> What did self care mean to you before the program?<br /> How did that affect the way you interacted with others?<br /> What does self care mean to you now?<br /> How has that affected your relationships?<br /> Now that you’re in program and working on self care, does that mean your self care always comes first no matter what the needs of the other person are?<br /> Has your definition of self care changed as time has passed? The Recovery Show 1:45:26
Sibling round table – Episode 38 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/sibling-round-table-episode-38/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/sibling-round-table-episode-38/#comments Mon, 26 Aug 2013 04:01:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2229 Today, we’re doing another roundtable episode with siblings of alcoholics and addicts. Jane and Rick share their experience growing up with alcoholic brothers. We ask them questions such as the following:   If your sibling started drinking in the home when you were a minor, how did that affect your relationship with them growing up? … Continue reading "Sibling round table – Episode 38"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/sibling-round-table-episode-38/feed/ 1 A roundtable episode with siblings of alcoholics and addicts. Jane and Rick share their experience growing up with alcoholic brothers. A roundtable episode with siblings of alcoholics and addicts. Jane and Rick share their experience growing up with alcoholic brothers. The Recovery Show 50:27
Juggling vs. Balance – Episode 37 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/juggling-vs-balance-episode-37/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/juggling-vs-balance-episode-37/#respond Mon, 19 Aug 2013 04:41:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2185 Do you sometimes feel that you’re trying to keep too many balls in the air at once? Do you hear people talk about a balanced life and wonder what they mean? Do you struggle with too much to do and not enough time to do it all? Then this episode is for you, as we … Continue reading "Juggling vs. Balance – Episode 37"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/juggling-vs-balance-episode-37/feed/ 0 Do you sometimes feel that you’re trying to keep too many balls in the air at once? Do you hear people talk about a balanced life and wonder what they mean? Then this episode is for you, as we talk about juggling vs balance. Do you sometimes feel that you’re trying to keep too many balls in the air at once? Do you hear people talk about a balanced life and wonder what they mean? Do you struggle with too much to do and not enough time to do it all? Then this episode is for you, as Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha talk about juggling vs balance. The Recovery Show 1:27:41
Self Acceptance and Self Esteem – Episode 36 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/self-acceptance-and-self-esteem-episode-36/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/self-acceptance-and-self-esteem-episode-36/#respond Tue, 13 Aug 2013 06:06:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2084 Do you often judge yourself? Do you internalize the criticism of others?  Are you afraid they are right? Are you unable to like yourself? Then listen as Swetha, Spencer, and special guest host Erika talk about self acceptance and self esteem. We share our experience, strength, and hope around questions such as these: What is … Continue reading "Self Acceptance and Self Esteem – Episode 36"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/self-acceptance-and-self-esteem-episode-36/feed/ 0 Do you often judge yourself? Do you internalize the criticism of others? Are you afraid they are right? Are you unable to like yourself? Then listen as Swetha, Spencer, and special guest host Erika talk about self acceptance and self esteem. Do you often judge yourself? Do you internalize the criticism of others? Are you afraid they are right? Are you unable to like yourself? Then listen as Swetha, Spencer, and special guest host Erika talk about self acceptance and self esteem. The Recovery Show 1:29:21
Step 8 – Episode 35 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/step-8-episode-35/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/step-8-episode-35/#respond Mon, 05 Aug 2013 05:36:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2044 If you are struggling with guilt and resentment over your actions in the past… If you aren’t ready to make amends to someone… If you think that you deserve an amends before you make one… You’ve come to the right place. Keep listening as we discuss STEP 8. Kelli, Spencer, and Swetha share our own … Continue reading "Step 8 – Episode 35"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/step-8-episode-35/feed/ 0 If you are struggling with guilt and resentment over your actions in the past… If you aren’t ready to make amends to someone… If you think that you deserve an amends before you make one… You’ve come to the right place. Listen as we discuss STEP 8. If you are struggling with guilt and resentment over your actions in the past… If you aren’t ready to make amends to someone… If you think that you deserve an amends before you make one… You’ve come to the right place. Keep listening as we discuss STEP 8.<br /> <br /> Kelli, Spencer, and Swetha share our own experiences with Step 8, as we try to address these questions and others:<br /> <br /> How do you decide if you have “harmed” someone? (what was the act? why did we do it? What were the consequences?)<br /> Have you made a list? How did you go about it? (use your 4th step?)<br /> How do you “become willing” to make amends?<br /> What if there are people you are not willing to make amends to?<br /> Can you be willing to become willing?<br /> What about people who owe you amends?<br /> Did you make it onto your list? Why is it important to include yourself?<br /> What is the difference between willingness and actually making the amends?<br /> What part does honesty play in this process?<br /> Did you review your list with anyone before planning amends? Did they make any suggestions to you? What did/ could you learn from them?<br /> Does your HP get included in this step? The Recovery Show 1:46:04
One Day at a Time – Episode 34 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/one-day-at-a-time-episode-34/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/one-day-at-a-time-episode-34/#respond Sun, 28 Jul 2013 04:01:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1989 Do you find yourself spending too much time worrying? Do you fear the future or resent the past? How can you take care of yourself by living “One Day at a Time”? How do we understand this slogan as a tool for caring for ourselves? What does “one day at a time” mean? We find … Continue reading "One Day at a Time – Episode 34"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/one-day-at-a-time-episode-34/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself spending too much time worrying? Do you fear the future or resent the past? How can you live “One Day at a Time”? Do you find yourself spending too much time worrying? Do you fear the future or resent the past? How can you live “One Day at a Time”?<br /> <br /> How do we understand this slogan as a tool for caring for ourselves? What does “one day at a time” mean? We find that it has several faces. It can mean living in the moment, not missing, and enjoying what is happening now. It can mean putting aside worrying about tomorrow and resenting yesterday. We can also use it when we are in a difficult situation, reminding ourselves that we can make it through today, or this hour, or maybe this minute, even if we cannot envision living with it “forever.” The Recovery Show 1:25:14
Compassion – Episode 33 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/compassion-episode-33/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/compassion-episode-33/#comments Sun, 21 Jul 2013 11:15:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1943 Do you find yourself getting easily impatient with others? Do you feel judgemental towards someone no matter how hard you try to let go? Having trouble finding compassion for the alcoholics and addicts in your life? Are you having trouble finding compassion for yourself? Listen as Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer talk about their understanding of … Continue reading "Compassion – Episode 33"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/compassion-episode-33/feed/ 2 Having trouble finding compassion for the alcoholics and addicts in your life? For yourself? How has compassion worked in our recovery? Listen as Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer share our understanding and experience. Having trouble finding compassion for the alcoholics and addicts in your life? For yourself? How has compassion worked in our recovery? Listen as Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer share our understanding and experience. The Recovery Show 1:32:20
Sponsorship Round Table – Episode 32 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/sponsorship-round-table-episode-32/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/sponsorship-round-table-episode-32/#comments Tue, 16 Jul 2013 12:12:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1915 If you just want to do recovery all by yourself… If having a sponsor sounds frightening… If you’d like to have a sponsor, but you don’t know how to get one… Then keep listening as hosts Mark, of Recovered, and Kelli, of The Recovery Show, lead a joint round table about sponsorship. In this conversation … Continue reading "Sponsorship Round Table – Episode 32"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/sponsorship-round-table-episode-32/feed/ 2 If you just want to do recovery all by yourself… If having a sponsor sounds frightening… If you’d like to have a sponsor, but you don’t know how to get one… Mark and Kelli lead a round table about sponsorship with Jason, Russ, Spencer, and Swetha. If you just want to do recovery all by yourself… If having a sponsor sounds frightening… If you’d like to have a sponsor, but you don’t know how to get one… Then keep listening as hosts Mark, of Recovered, and Kelli, of The Recovery Show, lead a joint round table about sponsorship. In this conversation with Mark and Kelli are Jason, Russ, Spencer, and Swetha.<br /> <br /> Our round table was sparked by a voice mail from Bronte in Australia. She leads us into questions such as: What is Sponsorship? Why is it important? What to look for? What to watch out for? How do you develop trust? How do you get a sponsor?<br /> <br /> Joe, from California, asks about changing sponsors. He wonders about questions like: Does changing sponsors mean giving up on the program? Is changing sponsors a bad thing? What might be a bad reason for changing a sponsor? May a newcomer change sponsors?<br /> <br /> We also hear from Liz, in Florida, who recently changed her sponsor, raising these questions: How do you know when to change sponsors? What if you are not clicking with your sponsor? How do you break up with a sponsor?<br /> <br /> During our discussion, we talk about our experiences being sponsored and sponsoring others in our fellowships. We address questions like these: How does sponsorship help the sponsor? Can any member be a sponsor? How do you get a sponsee? When is a member ready for sponsorship responsibility? What does a sponsor do and not do? What if you are asked for advice? Is there any one best way of sponsoring a newcomer? Is it possible to get too attached to a sponsee?<br /> <br /> This is also episode 426 of Recovered. The Recovery Show 1:24:43
Step 7 – Episode 31 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/step-7-episode-31/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/step-7-episode-31/#respond Tue, 09 Jul 2013 04:37:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1854 What is humility? How do we ask God to remove our shortcomings? Are they really defects? Listen as Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli, back together at last, talk about Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. We explore our understandings of the word “humbly”. It can mean that we accept ourselves as we are, … Continue reading "Step 7 – Episode 31"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/step-7-episode-31/feed/ 0 What is humility? How do we ask God to remove our shortcomings? Are they really defects? Listen as Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli, back together at last, talk about Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. What is humility? How do we ask God to remove our shortcomings? Are they really defects?<br /> <br /> Listen as Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli, back together at last, talk about Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. The Recovery Show 1:30:12
Program in the workplace – Episode 30 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/program-in-the-workplace-episode-30/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/program-in-the-workplace-episode-30/#respond Mon, 01 Jul 2013 02:57:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1777 How do you use your program in the workplace? Do you have a hard time setting boundaries at work? Do you find yourself staying late even though it affects your self-care? Can you deal effectively with your difficult co-workers? Swetha, Kelli, and Mary share their experiences with these questions and others. Anne H. and Spencer … Continue reading "Program in the workplace – Episode 30"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/program-in-the-workplace-episode-30/feed/ 0 How do you use your program in the workplace? Do you have a hard time setting boundaries at work? Do you find yourself staying late even though it affects your self-care? Can you deal effectively with your difficult co-workers? Swetha, Kelli, How do you use your program in the workplace? Do you have a hard time setting boundaries at work? Do you find yourself staying late even though it affects your self-care? Can you deal effectively with your difficult co-workers?<br /> <br /> Swetha, Kelli, and Mary share their experiences with these questions and others. The Recovery Show 1:16:50
Progress, not Perfection – Episode 29 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/progress-not-perfection-episode-29/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/progress-not-perfection-episode-29/#comments Mon, 24 Jun 2013 06:51:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1737 Today, we’re going to talk about progress, not perfection. Ever feel like no matter how much you try, you fall short? Ever just want to give up because perfection just seems too hard to achieve, so why bother? Ever feel like the strides you do take forward just aren’t good enough? Join Kelli, Swetha, and … Continue reading "Progress, not Perfection – Episode 29"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/progress-not-perfection-episode-29/feed/ 1 Today,we talk about progress, not perfection. Ever feel like no matter how much you try, you fall short? Progress is achievable, perfection is not. Join Kelli, Swetha, and special guest Wendy for this journey. Today, we’re going to talk about progress, not perfection. Ever feel like no matter how much you try, you fall short? Ever just want to give up because perfection just seems too hard to achieve, so why bother? Ever feel like the strides you do take forward just aren’t good enough? Join Kelli, Swetha, and special guest Wendy for this journey. The Recovery Show 1:18:57
Step 6 – Episode 28 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/step-6-episode-28/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/step-6-episode-28/#respond Sun, 16 Jun 2013 19:51:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1670 Step 6 says “[We] were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” What are “defects of character.” What does “entirely ready” mean? How do we become entirely ready? What if we like some of our defects? How can we become ready to have them removed? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest host … Continue reading "Step 6 – Episode 28"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/step-6-episode-28/feed/ 0 Step 6 says “[We] were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” What are “defects of character.” What does “entirely ready” mean? How do we become entirely ready? What if we like some of our defects? Step 6 says “[We] were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” What are “defects of character.” What does “entirely ready” mean? How do we become entirely ready? What if we like some of our defects? How can we become ready to have them removed? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest host Melissa talk about these questions and others, sharing our experience, strength, and hope on the topic of Step 6. The Recovery Show 1:17:11
Anonymity – Episode 27 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/anonymity-episode-27/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/anonymity-episode-27/#comments Sun, 09 Jun 2013 22:37:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1615 Our 12th Tradition says “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions…” Why is anonymity important? What does it mean to be anonymous? Does it mean that we actively hide our identity? Is it about only sharing our first name (and initial?) Or is there something deeper here? What can we share about ourselves? … Continue reading "Anonymity – Episode 27"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/anonymity-episode-27/feed/ 6 Our 12th Tradition says “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions…” Why is anonymity important? What does it mean to be anonymous? 027-anonymity-therecoveryshow.mp3 Our 12th Tradition says “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions…” Why is anonymity important? What does it mean to be anonymous? Does it mean that we actively hide our identity? Is it about only sharing our first name (and initial?) Or is there something deeper here? What can we share about ourselves? What can we share about other people in our lives? And especially, what can we share about the alcoholics and addicts whose behavior has so deeply affected our lives? The Recovery Show 1:11:57
Our First Meetings – Episode 26 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/our-first-meetings-episode-26/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/our-first-meetings-episode-26/#respond Mon, 03 Jun 2013 08:02:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1550 What it was like when we first came to Al-Anon? What do we remember about our first meeting? Did it “click” right away or did it take some time? When did we realize that the program was right for us? How did that happen? Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha, along with 7 other Al-Anon members talk … Continue reading "Our First Meetings – Episode 26"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/our-first-meetings-episode-26/feed/ 0 What it was like when we first came to Al-Anon? What do we remember about our first meeting? Did it “click” right away or did it take some time? When did we realize that the program was right for us? How did that happen? What it was like when we first came to Al-Anon? What do we remember about our first meeting? Did it “click” right away or did it take some time? When did we realize that the program was right for us? How did that happen?<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha, along with 7 other Al-Anon members talk about their first meeting, or meetings, and how they came to believe that they could find help in Al-Anon. For some of us, the first meeting was transformational and enlightening. Others of us just didn’t get it at first. Listen to our stories, and we think you will find something to identify with, and hopefully something to keep you coming back. The Recovery Show 1:27:40
Sponsorship – Episode 25 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/sponsorship-episode-25/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/sponsorship-episode-25/#comments Mon, 27 May 2013 04:36:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1496 At my Home group meeting, we say “in this program, we encourage sponsorship.” What does that mean? What is a sponsor? Why would you want one? How can a sponsor help you? How do you get a sponsor? What is it like to be a sponsor? How does being a sponsor help your program? Spencer, … Continue reading "Sponsorship – Episode 25"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/sponsorship-episode-25/feed/ 4 What is sponsorship? Why would you want a sponsor? How can a sponsor help you? How do you get a sponsor? How does being a sponsor help your program? What is sponsorship? Why would you want a sponsor? How can a sponsor help you? How do you get a sponsor? How does being a sponsor help your program? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest Lynn discuss these and more. The Recovery Show 1:14:12
This Too Shall Pass – Episode 24 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/this-too-shall-pass-episode-24/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/this-too-shall-pass-episode-24/#respond Tue, 21 May 2013 03:41:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1457 Have you ever been caught up in a situation? Have you ever found yourself easily dismissing happy situations? Have you ever found yourself feeling hopeless about a difficult situation? Do you find yourself wondering if this too shall pass? Kelli, Swetha and guest host Patrick talk about it. We often think of “this too shall … Continue reading "This Too Shall Pass – Episode 24"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/this-too-shall-pass-episode-24/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself dismissing happy situations? … feeling hopeless about a difficult situation? Do you find yourself wondering if this too shall pass? Do you find yourself dismissing happy situations? … feeling hopeless about a difficult situation? Do you find yourself wondering if this too shall pass? The Recovery Show 47:38
Step 5 – Confession? – Episode 23 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/step-5-confession-episode-23/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/step-5-confession-episode-23/#respond Mon, 13 May 2013 04:40:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1420 Step 5 says that we “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”. Why is this important? What were our fears and concerns? What was our experience? Join Spencer, Kelli and Swetha for a discussion of this step. A common reaction to approaching Step 5 for the … Continue reading "Step 5 – Confession? – Episode 23"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/step-5-confession-episode-23/feed/ 0 Step 5 says that we “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”. Why is this important? What were our fears and concerns? What was our experience? Join Spencer, Kelli and Swetha for a discussion of this step. Step 5 says that we “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”. Why is this important? What were our fears and concerns? What was our experience? Join Spencer, Kelli and Swetha for a discussion of this step. The Recovery Show 1:14:07
Parents roundtable – Episode 22 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/parents-roundtable-episode-22/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/parents-roundtable-episode-22/#comments Fri, 03 May 2013 05:33:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1364 In this episode, we are talking with parents who have found support and recovery. Some have children who are still actively drinking or drugging, while some of their children have found recovery, and some struggle with mental illness. Their children may be teens or adults. They will share their experience, strength, and hope with us … Continue reading "Parents roundtable – Episode 22"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/parents-roundtable-episode-22/feed/ 2 We talk with parents who have found support and recovery. Some of their children are still drinking or drugging, some have found recovery, and some struggle with mental illness. We talk with parents who have found support and recovery. Some of their children are still drinking or drugging, some have found recovery, and some struggle with mental illness. The Recovery Show 1:09:50
Easy Does It – Episode 21 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/easy-does-it-episode-21/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/easy-does-it-episode-21/#respond Mon, 29 Apr 2013 05:47:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1347 “Easy does it.” What does this slogan say to you? Can you use it to make your life easier? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Dayana talk about this slogan. This slogan can remind us that complicated solutions are often forced, or that it’s time to pause and take it easy for a moment, to wait … Continue reading "Easy Does It – Episode 21"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/easy-does-it-episode-21/feed/ 0 Easy does it. What does this slogan say to you? Can you use it to make your life easier? Easy does it. What does this slogan say to you? Can you use it to make your life easier? Swetha, Spencer and special guest Dayana talk about it. The Recovery Show 1:09:16
Forcing Solutions – Episode 20 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/forcing-solutions-episode-20/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/forcing-solutions-episode-20/#respond Mon, 22 Apr 2013 03:14:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1301 “… our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions.” What does it mean to force a solution? When do we try to force solutions? How do we try to force solutions? We discuss these questions and others, sharing our experience, strength and hope.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/forcing-solutions-episode-20/feed/ 0 “… our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions.” What does it mean to force a solution? When do we try to force solutions? How do we try to force solutions? We discuss these questions and others, sharing our experience, strength and hope. “… our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions.” What does it mean to force a solution? When do we try to force solutions? How do we try to force solutions? We discuss these questions and others, sharing our experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:19:35
Gratitude – Episode 19 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/gratitude-episode-19/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/gratitude-episode-19/#comments Mon, 15 Apr 2013 04:41:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1203 How do we feel gratitude? Can gratitude help get you through a hard time? Is it something you can choose? Does finding gratitude make your problems go away? What is an “Attitude of Gratitude”? Special guest hosts Kate and Patrick join Swetha and Spencer to talk about these questions, and about their experience finding gratitude, … Continue reading "Gratitude – Episode 19"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/gratitude-episode-19/feed/ 1 How do we feel gratitude? Can gratitude help get you through a hard time? Is it something you can choose? Does finding gratitude make your problems go away? What is an “Attitude of Gratitude”? How do we feel gratitude? Can gratitude help get you through a hard time? Is it something you can choose? Does finding gratitude make your problems go away? What is an “Attitude of Gratitude”?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:15:17
Step 4 – doing the inventory – Episode 18 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/step-4-made-a-searching-and-fearless-moral-inventory-of-ourselves-episode-18/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/step-4-made-a-searching-and-fearless-moral-inventory-of-ourselves-episode-18/#comments Sun, 07 Apr 2013 21:57:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1180 Step 4 states “[We] took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” What were our first impressions? What did we fear? What did we find? What was our experience of working Step 4? How has it enhanced our lives? Kelli, Erika, and Spencer talk about our experience, strength, and hope around Step 4. Kelli … Continue reading "Step 4 – doing the inventory – Episode 18"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/step-4-made-a-searching-and-fearless-moral-inventory-of-ourselves-episode-18/feed/ 1 Step 4 states “[We] took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” What were our first impressions? What did we fear? What did we find? What was our experience of working Step 4? How has it enhanced our lives? Step 4 states “[We] took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” What were our first impressions? What did we fear? What did we find? What was our experience of working Step 4? How has it enhanced our lives? The Recovery Show 1:27:52
Trusting the process – Episode 17 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/trusting-the-process-episode-17/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/trusting-the-process-episode-17/#comments Sun, 31 Mar 2013 21:48:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1138 What does it mean to “trust the process?” What is “the process?” Is it meetings? The Steps? Working with a sponsor? Reading the literature? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Anne H share our experience, strength, and hope on these questions and others. We welcome special guest Anne H to the podcast. At the beginning, the … Continue reading "Trusting the process – Episode 17"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/trusting-the-process-episode-17/feed/ 1 What does it mean to “trust the process?” What is “the process?” Is it meetings? The Steps? Working with a sponsor? Reading the literature? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Anne H share our experience, strength, and hope on these questions and others. What does it mean to “trust the process?” What is “the process?” Is it meetings? The Steps? Working with a sponsor? Reading the literature? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Anne H share our experience, strength, and hope on these questions and others. The Recovery Show 1:16:26
Blame – Episode 16 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/blame-episode-16/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/blame-episode-16/#respond Mon, 25 Mar 2013 04:22:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1099 We talk about blame — how we blame others, how we take blame on ourselves and how we can move past blaming. We have learned that blaming is often a result of black and white thinking, and that we can have healthier relationships when we can look at our part in a conflict realistically, rather … Continue reading "Blame – Episode 16"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/blame-episode-16/feed/ 0 We talk about blame -- how we blame others, how we take blame on ourselves and tools we can use to move past blaming. We talk about blame -- how we blame others, how we take blame on ourselves and how we can move past blaming. We have learned that blaming is often a result of black and white thinking, and that we can have healthier relationships when we can look at our part in a conflict realistically, rather than assuming that one party must be totally at fault. Understanding that most people are doing the best they can most of the time lets us detach from, forgive, or accept others behavior rather than blaming them for what they did “to us.” The Recovery Show 1:06:18
Asking for Help – Episode 15 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/asking-for-help-episode-15/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/asking-for-help-episode-15/#respond Mon, 18 Mar 2013 04:12:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1062 We talk about asking for help. When we came in, we did not have experience asking for help in a healthy way. We didn’t want to impose on people we barely knew, we still thought we could do it ourselves. How did we come to understand that reaching out was not weakness, that others gained … Continue reading "Asking for Help – Episode 15"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/asking-for-help-episode-15/feed/ 0 We talk about asking for help. How did we come to understand that reaching out was not weakness, that others gained as much as we did by being asked? We talk about asking for help. When we came in, we did not have experience asking for help in a healthy way. We didn’t want to impose on people we barely knew, we still thought we could do it ourselves. How did we come to understand that reaching out was not weakness, that others gained as much as we did by being asked, and that asking for help did not mean giving up? How do we feel and respond when someone asks us for help and support? The Recovery Show 1:15:11
Step 3: turning it over – Episode 14 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/step-3-turning-it-over-episode-14/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/step-3-turning-it-over-episode-14/#respond Mon, 11 Mar 2013 03:19:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=964 Step 3, Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. How do we understand and use it in our lives?

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/step-3-turning-it-over-episode-14/feed/ 0 Step 3, Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. How do we understand and use it in our lives? Swetha, Spencer, and Kelli talk about our experience and understanding of Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” Spencer kicks off the discussion by with his initial problem with that step. He did not grow up with an image of a God that he was willing to turn his life over to. Kelli’s initial reaction was “how can I get around this step?” Swetha also talks about her disbelief in the God of her parents. We all wanted to retain control of our lives.<br /> <br /> The question then arose, how did we get around our resistance to Step 3? Spencer points out that the step talks about turning our lives over to the care of our higher power, which he took to mean that he could agree to accept the guidance of his Higher Power or not. He also came to an understanding of a loving God, to whom it was much easier to conceive of turning his will and his life over. For Kelli, the key was to have an honest completion of Step 2, to recognize that her Higher Power could restore her to sanity. Another help was to listen to others share at meetings about how step 3 worked in their lives. Swetha suggests that she was almost working Step 3 out of spite, to “show” us that it would not work for her! She shares a story where she turned a “little” thing over, and had a good outcome. Experiences like that helped her to accept Step 3 in her life.<br /> <br /> How do we hear the voice of our Higher Power in our daily lives? Spencer relates a story where he heard that “still, small voice” that guided him to a good outcome in a conflict he was having with his wife. More frequently, he needs to reach out by going to a meeting, or by calling his sponsor or another Al-Anon friend. Kelli commonly hears her Higher Power through other people, and finds prayer and meditation helpful. She spent the previous week travelling for business with her husband, a situation in which she needed to call on her Higher Power for help, and was happy that she could. Swetha sends multi-page texts to her sponsor when she needs help. Frequently, she finds that by just writing out her problem, she finds a solution. Just the act of asking for help can be sufficient to get the guidance she needs.<br /> <br /> Spencer had been at a workshop, Loving Sober, the day before. The presenter said that his only responsibility in his relationship was to “see his partner as the expression of God that she is.” For Spencer, this illuminated another aspect of really accepting God into his life. That is, that everybody is part of, and an expression of God. If he is to turn his will and live over to the care of his Higher Power, he must work to see other people as God sees them, and when he can do that, he can let go of his resentments and expectations, and to love them. <br /> <br /> Swetha grew up in a mixed religious environment and felt surrounded by it, and couldn’t run away from it, so she started taking what she liked and left the rest. It turns out that a lot of the things she took were things we talk about in Al-Anon. She reflects on coming to trust other people, very gradually, in the program, breaking through her fear of vulnerability. She thinks she felt the same about developing a relationship with her higher power. As that relationship developed, she started reconnecting with what she had learned in her childhood.<br /> <br /> We end with a letter from a friend who grew up in relation with a loving God. When she came into Al-Anon, she felt that Step 3 was a “gimme” for her. But later, she found that she was having issues that needed a “3rd step” solution. She uses the AA 3rd step prayer to turn over her life to God daily, just “getting out of God’s way.” The Recovery Show 1:04:33
Shame – Episode 13 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/shame-episode-13/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/shame-episode-13/#comments Sun, 03 Mar 2013 21:50:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=909 Spencer, Swetha, and guest host Nic talk about shame – what it is, how we feel it, how we used to deal with it, and how we deal with it in recovery. We start by looking at the difference between shame and guilt. When we do something wrong, we feel guilt, and we can deal … Continue reading "Shame – Episode 13"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/shame-episode-13/feed/ 4 Spencer, Swetha, and guest host Nic talk about shame – what it is, how we feel it, how we used to deal with it, and how we deal with it in recovery. Spencer, Swetha, and guest host Nic talk about shame – what it is, how we feel it, how we used to deal with it, and how we deal with it in recovery. We start by looking at the difference between shame and guilt. When we do something wrong, we feel guilt, and we can deal with it by making amends. When we feel shame, the message we are hearing is “I am a bad person”. We react to shame by hiding it and internalizing it and stuffing it down. We feel that we are not worthy, and that we will lose our friends, be ostracized if we reveal the thing that caused us to feel shameful. <br /> <br /> Spencer refers to a TED talk (“Listening to Shame”) by Brené Brown, where she says that shame “plays two tapes”. The first is “you’re not good enough”. The second is “who do you think you are?” We all identify with these messages. Swetha reflects that when she gets a compliment, she thinks “Oh! I fooled them! If they only knew the real me, they wouldn’t say that.” Nic hears “you’re never good enough”, that she could never live up to expectations.<br /> <br /> One source of our shame is self-judgement, where we judge ourselves more stringently than we judge the people around us. A big part of that is comparing our insides to other people’s outsides. Spencer reflects on a new role he’s taken on at work, where he continually hears the “who do you think you are?” message, because he is still learning the new skills he needs to do that job up to his own expectations of himself. Nic’s core shame issue is perfectionism. She has felt that “competence equals perfection”, and is trying to learn that “competence equals competence”. Swetha recalls an episode from her childhood, where she came home with a 99.36 grade in her class, with a highly complimentary note from the teacher. Her mother’s first reaction was “where’s the other 0.64%?” Ever after, if she didn’t make 100%, she felt that she was underachieving and not being who she should be.<br /> <br /> Being honest and open is something we learn by example in the program. Swetha’s first reaction to hearing people talking in meetings was “they are so brave!” Her fear, before the first time she did a meeting lead, was “what if I’m too sick and they tell me not to come back?” Her sponsor assured her that the worst that could happen was that we would say “wow, you are really sick, please keep coming back!” She has come to realize that feeling vulnerable, sharing in meetings, doing the podcast, is really a source of strength for her. When others reveal their struggles, their failures, and their fears, it means that we can identify with them, because we have those same struggles, failures, and fears. And that means that maybe we can also identify with their victories and believe that they could come true for us, too.<br /> <br /> How do we move out of shame? By opening ourselves up, by being vulnerable, and by sharing our shameful moments and actions. Because, as Nic notes, shame needs secrecy, silence and judgement to thrive. By breaking through the silence and secrecy in a safe place, one without judgement, we can start to destroy the shame itself. Swetha reflects back to the Al-Anon closing, where we say “you will come to love us in a very special way, the same way we already love you”. She didn’t understand this at first, but now really finds it to be true. As Brené Brown says, “the two most powerful words when we’re in struggle are ‘me too’”. The Recovery Show 1:08:55
Detachment – Episode 12 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/detachment-episode-12/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/detachment-episode-12/#comments Sun, 24 Feb 2013 23:00:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=876 Kelli hosts Swetha and Spencer as they share their experience, strength, and hope about detachment. Kelli opens with a reading that links detachment to self-acceptance and self-care. The first time that Spencer heard about detachment was when his uncle told him, “I hear that you’re supposed to ‘detach with love’”. Spencer had NO idea what … Continue reading "Detachment – Episode 12"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/detachment-episode-12/feed/ 2 What does detachment mean? How can we detach with love? When we do, we get back our lives, and we can live better with everyone around us. Kelli hosts Swetha and Spencer as they share their experience, strength, and hope about detachment. Kelli opens with a reading that links detachment to self-acceptance and self-care. The first time that Spencer heard about detachment was when his uncle told him, “I hear that you’re supposed to ‘detach with love’”. Spencer had NO idea what that meant. He did not understand how he could detach and love at the same time. When she came into AlAnon, Swetha wanted certain people to just be gone from her life. She received a sheet about detachment, which started “Detachment is neither kind nor unkind...” and felt relief. Kelli thought that “detachment” sounded like giving up on a person. <br /> <br /> Kelli relates to a reading that said, if a friend had the flu, we would forgive their inability to meet a commitment, that we could detach the person from their disease and realize that the behavior was a result of the disease. Another reading explains different forms of detachment: Your alcoholic passes out on the front lawn. Detaching with anger, you turn on the sprinkler, then go to bed. Detaching with indifference, you go to bed. Detaching with love, you put a blanket over them, and then go to bed. The outcome for you is the same; the outcome for the alcoholic is very different. Also, the emotional outcome for you is very different<br /> <br /> An important part of detachment for Spencer was to detach the disease from his loved one. With a disease that affects behavior, such as alcoholism, this is often hard. Kelli was familiar with “numb” detachment, growing up. Her response to something she didn’t like was to just shut down and walk away. Later, she swung over to angry, “middle finger” detachment. Now she has some tools she can use, such as calling her sponsor, praying, or just using her “pause button”. Swetha had practice with angry and fearful detachment. She would “suppress, suppress, suppress” then explode. She has come to see that if someone with the flu sneezes, she can move away, or say, “please don’t sneeze on me.” She can do the same with alcoholic behavior.<br /> <br /> A friend in the program used a visual analogy. She said “I was entangled in a relationship with an alcoholic”, holding up her hands clasped, with fingers interlaced, “so whatever happened to him, happened to me,” moving her hands -- as one moved, the other moved with it, willy-nilly. “Loving detachment,” she said, “is more like this,” holding up her hands palm to palm. “We are still close, but if he goes somewhere I don’t want to go,” moving one hand away, “I don’t have to go there with him.” <br /> <br /> A listener had not understood that she did not have to be affected by someone else’s actions. In Al-Anon, she learned that she has a choice whether to feel others’ feelings or to be involved in others’ problems. Learning that we are not responsible for other people’s feelings was difficult, but so important to our recovery. A tool we can use to detach is to remember not to “pick up the rope.” It takes two people to engage in a tug of war, and if we decline to pick up the rope, the conflict can be defused or avoided.<br /> <br /> When we practice detachment, we are able to attend to our own needs and take care of ourselves, which can also make us better partners and more pleasant to live with. Kelli can be so focused on the other person that she forgets what else she needs to do. By detaching, Swetha stops feeling like a victim and feels more connected to her higher power and to serenity. Being able practice loving detachment enabled Spencer to stay in a loving relationship with his loved one as her disease progressed. Even in sobriety, we need to practice detachment, as Kelli relates, that when alcoholic behavior surfaced (without the alcohol), she did not follow her “normal” reaction, which would have been to just walk away. She is grateful that she could stay connected in detachment.<br /> The Recovery Show 53:00
Enabling – Episode 11 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/enabling-episode-11/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/enabling-episode-11/#respond Mon, 18 Feb 2013 14:31:22 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=846 Swetha, Spencer, and Kelli talk about enabling. We start by defining our understanding of the term, enabling. Early on, Swetha wondered whether anything nice she did for someone was enabling. Her sponsor helped her by giving her this definition: “getting between someone and the consequences of their choices or actions.” Kelli also had this confusion. … Continue reading "Enabling – Episode 11"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/enabling-episode-11/feed/ 0 We discuss enabling. What is it? What harm does it do? How can we stop enabling, while still helping? We share our experiences about enabling and not. Swetha, Spencer, and Kelli talk about enabling. We start by defining our understanding of the term, enabling. Early on, Swetha wondered whether anything nice she did for someone was enabling. Her sponsor helped her by giving her this definition: “getting between someone and the consequences of their choices or actions.” Kelli also had this confusion. Her codependency had distorted her thinking so that she always thought she was being helpful, whether she was really just being nice, or she was enabling. The concept of enabling did not come naturally to her, because of the codependency in her family growing up. Spencer is pretty sure he had no idea what “enabling” meant before coming to the program. If he drove to the store to buy more wine, so that his loved one would not be driving drunk, he thought he was doing a good thing, even though he might have resented doing it at the same time. He struggled with the difference between enabling and keeping his family safe, at times.<br /> <br /> When Swetha was growing up, she thought that preventing others from feeling the consequences of their actions was just being loving and caring for them. She shared some stories about doing things for the people she loved, and what the consequences were for her when her efforts were not appreciated. Kelli suggests that enabling is often tied to a desire to control the some outcome. She also sees that when she is being an enabler, she prevents the other person from being able to take care of themselves, and she also neglects her own self-care. Spencer agrees and adds that enabling also denies the other person’s dignity by implying that they cannot take care of their own stuff.<br /> <br /> Mark called to ask us for our comments on where parental responsibilities end, and where enabling or codependent behavior begins. Spencer responds by recounting an experience where his 20-year old son had a problem with some relatively severe consequences. Spencer flew out to support his son as he dealt with the things he had to deal with, to provide the things, such as a hotel room and transportation, that his son was not able to provide for himself. Spencer feels that he was supporting, not enabling, in that experience. He also talks about how he was not able to set hard boundaries when his children were younger – he was not willing to follow through with the consequences of the boundaries being broken. Kelli relates the experience of a young relative of hers who gets “kicked out” of her home when she uses, but then when she gets in trouble, she can come back home. She things that her relative is not learning from her experience, because she knows it will never get too bad, that she has a safe place to return to. Swetha talks about “rescuing” her sister from academic overload, time and time again. She got resentful, especially when it seemed that her sister just wanted someone else to do her homework. She was able to set a boundary, that she would not do her sister’s homework, that she was willing to sit down and help her, but also not at the last minute. She needed to do that for her own sanity.<br /> <br /> Spencer asks whether we might expect that if we stop enabling, then our loved one will start to feel consequences, and as a result will change their behavior. Do we need to guard against such expectations?<br /> <br /> Sometimes when we set a boundary about not enabling, we might need to move it. Spencer had decided that he was not going to continue to wake his kids up in the morning and drive them to school – that they needed to figure out how to do that on their own or suffer the consequences of being late. Eventually, his son came and asked for help, because he had been getting detentions for being tardy. Spencer said he would wake him once, what time should he do that? In that way, he was able to provide the help that was asked for, without feeling that he was enabling. Kelli has a story about doing the dishes – her husband was not doing t... The Recovery Show 58:21
What is Al-Anon? – Episode 10 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/what-is-al-anon-episode-10/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/what-is-al-anon-episode-10/#respond Mon, 11 Feb 2013 04:34:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=767 Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli talk about their experience with Al-Anon, attempting to address the question “What is Al-Anon?” We start by talking about what brought us to the program. Swetha’s boyfriend suggested the program to her, but she didn’t think at first that she qualified. Kelli’s boyfriend’s sponsor told her that if she was going … Continue reading "What is Al-Anon? – Episode 10"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/what-is-al-anon-episode-10/feed/ 0 We try to answer the question "What is Al-Anon?" Why did we come? How has it helped? Why do we stay? Words for someone considering Al-Anon? Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli talk about their experience with Al-Anon, attempting to address the question “What is Al-Anon?” We start by talking about what brought us to the program. Swetha’s boyfriend suggested the program to her, but she didn’t think at first that she qualified. Kelli’s boyfriend’s sponsor told her that if she was going to stay in that relationship she needed to go to Al-Anon. Spencer came into Al-Anon when he realized that his attempts to fix his loved one’s “drinking problem” were making him miserable. He was desperate and figured it might help.<br /> <br /> The Al-Anon preamble states “we believe that alcoholism is a family illness.” We talk about our understanding of this concept. Kelli relates that she can now see the effects of her great-grandfather’s alcoholism on her father, and feels that she learned her co-dependent behavior from him. We develop “coping mechanisms” from dealing with the chaos of active drinking, and we pick up behaviors from the alcoholic as well. Swetha broadens the definition to include friends, because she definitely was affected by alcoholic friends.<br /> <br /> We talk some about the relationship between Al-Anon and AA and the differences. The 12 steps are almost identical between the two programs, with only one word in Step 12 being different. Spencer’s sponsor has said that he believes that all AA members are automatically qualified for Al-Anon, because they almost always have relatives or friends who are alcoholics. AA members are welcome in Al-Anon as long as they keep the focus on the problems they have around relationships with alcoholics and addicts, rather than on their own addiction. Kelli and Spencer share some of the experience they have had as a sponsor to Al-Anon members who are also in AA. Kelli feels that it’s important for people to have a sponsor in each of their programs.<br /> <br /> Coming to Al-Anon helped us to recover from these effects. Before Spencer came to Al-Anon, he was in denial about his loved one’s alcoholism. Learning more about the disease helped him to break through that denial. A listener wrote to us, “I joke that Al-Anon doesn’t change anything in my life, except the amount of sleep I get.” She concludes “ I use the program to be a better version of myself, to myself, and in my other relationships.” Kelli has learned in Al-Anon that most situations are not just black and white, which she says “freeing and also terrifying.” Swetha used what she has learned in Al-Anon to make it through some devastating news she received this week, and to continue to function and to continue to live without collapsing. At the beginning, Spencer learned how to stop obsessing over his loved one’s actions, and to start to find himself again, to start living his own life again, and to stop being the rageful person he had become.<br /> <br /> Another listener email reminds Kelli that a great thing she learned in the program is that it is OK to ask for help. She used to feel that she had to fix her problems herself, partly from a feeling that nobody would understand. Also feeling that if she couldn’t handle it herself, that meant there was something wrong with her, that she was just weak. In meetings we often have the experience of hearing someone else talk about exactly what is going on in our own heads, sometimes illuminating things that we hadn’t see about ourselves. The honest sharing in our groups lets us know that we are not alone, and that we are not weird. To know that we are only human just like the others in the room. Swetha adds that hearing “her story” from 3 different people gives her 3 different perspectives on herself.<br /> <br /> What would we say to someone who is thinking about Al-Anon, but is hesitant, who maybe doesn’t think they qualify, who isn’t sure why they would want to go? Kelli suggests that you should “just go” and give it a try. At the worst, you waste a few hours. And at the best, you find a better way of living, The Recovery Show 1:12:38
Step 2 – A power greater than ourselves – Episode 9 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/step-2-episode-9/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/step-2-episode-9/#respond Mon, 04 Feb 2013 04:46:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=685 Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss Step 2: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Spencer talks about the first 3 words of the step: First, he “came”. After some time in Al-Anon, he “came to.” As he started to recover, he “came to believe.” Swetha found it easy … Continue reading "Step 2 – A power greater than ourselves – Episode 9"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/step-2-episode-9/feed/ 0 Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss Step 2: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Spencer talks about the first 3 words of the step: First, he “came”. After some time in Al-Anon, he “came to. We move on to discussing our understanding of “a higher power.” Swetha came to understand her higher power as a loving force that she can rely on to help her stay serene and sane. Spencer thinks he resisted coming to a 12-step program because he was unable to accept a judgemental, controlling God. At the beginning, he could accept that the Al-Anon groups were a power greater than himself. He came to free himself of the need to be able to name or picture his higher power, and now he finds God as a loving spirit that manifests in many ways. Kelli agrees that we don’t have put a name or shape on our higher power, and that it made it easier for her to accept Step 2.
Kelli asks whether it’s possible for an atheist to be in the program and to work the steps. Spencer suggests that the answer is “yes,” if we can detach “higher power” from the traditional “God” idea. One friend in the program finds his higher power in his dog — his dog loves him unconditionally and lives in the moment. Swetha was a “hard-core atheist” when she entered the program, at least partly because she was rejecting a judgemental God. For her, Step 2 was easy because she saw it as not about finding God—it was about finding a power different from herself that could lead her to sanity. She says it’s a spiritual program. It’s about finding connections between her and everything else. Kelli suggests reading the “agnostics” chapter in the AA big book.
What is sanity? What is insanity? Kelli defines sanity as not being anxious or stressed out, and “staying in her own hula hoop.” When she focusses on herself and not on trying to control other people, her life is more sane. For Swetha, it is being aware of who she is, regardless of what is going on around her, or what other people are saying and doing. Spencer’s insanity often takes the form of “circular thinking”—running the same (negative) thoughts over and over, like a hamster on a wheel running and running and never getting anywhere and being unable to get off. He needs to get off, and contact with his higher power helps him to do that. He is trying to figure out what what it means to pray. He knows it’s not “Please, God, give me a pony!”
Kelli reminds us that by incorporating prayer and meditation into her daily routine, it makes them much easier to turn to in times of trouble. Swetha is able to incorporate prayer and meditation into her life, pausing and retreating into a quiet place when she needs a moment to “be still and know that I am with you.”
Our topic for next week will be “What is Al-Anon?” We would really like to get as many voices as we can for this discussion. Add your thoughts to the conversation, tell us what Al-Anon means for you. Call 734-707-8795 and leave a voice mail, or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com. We will play your voice message or read your email into the show.


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Resentment – Episode 8 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/resentment-episode-8/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/resentment-episode-8/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2013 07:36:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=608 We discuss resentment. How do we understand it? How does it affect us? How do we recognize resentment? What tools have we learned to deal with it?

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/resentment-episode-8/feed/ 1 We discuss resentment. How do we understand it? How does it affect us? How do we recognize resentment? What tools have we learned to deal with it? Mark calls in and asks whether we have had resentments against AA, maybe about the time our loved ones spend in meetings or treatment. Liz had huge resentments, because her loved one was “never” home. After about 4 months, she asked him, “now that your 90 days are over, do you still have to go to a meeting every day?” Spencer talks about his resentment towards a local treatment program that wouldn’t allow him to talk to his loved one while she was there.
How do we handle resentments? Swetha uses an inventory as a tool to see what is involved in the resentment while also being gentle with herself, and to formulate a plan of action for dealing with it if it recurs. Liz sees that many of her resentments are against people who treated her in a way that feeds into her own insecurities. She finds that addressing those feelings in a healthy way with the other person helps to reduce or remove the resentment. Spencer find that many of his resentments are not about reality but are about his expectations of how someone will act or react in the future. He can deal with those by stating his needs and desires, and finding that the response is not what he expected it to be. Sometimes the best thing is just to get “out of his own head”.
Liz finds that physical activity is a great way to release anger and resentments. Yoga is a favorite activity of both Liz and Swetha, especially since it also includes some meditation. Spencer remarks that much of his anger comes out of fear of some sort. When he can identify the fear, then he can let go of the anger more easily. Sometimes he is “living in the wreckage of the future.” Liz follows up that she can be resentful over past behavior that is actually no longer happening, and recognizing that it isn’t happening is good for her. Sometimes she has to get past her anger of the moment before she can come around to the “healthy thinking”. Her tools include talking to someone else, spending time with her pet, or doing some sort of “mindless” activity. Swetha uses a “time out” tool to help get through her anger.
Liz gave us a quote attributed to Rumi, “And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky.” Sometimes our resentments arise from a feeling of being “owed.” Spencer finds this feeling of love without obligation in Al-Anon meetings. Liz talks about writing a “gratitude essay” to recognize all the positive things in a relationship, to get out of her negative, resentful thinking. Gratitude can be “the anti-resentment”.
Next week's topic will be Step 2, which states “[We] came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Please share your questions or experience with this step by voice  (734) 707-8795 or email (feedback@therecoveryshow.com).
 
Music from the show
As promised, here are two versions of The Grudge by Tool. The first just has the lyrics over the song. The second uses the song as the soundtrack for an animated short called “The Backwater Gospel.” It is somewhat disturbing.
Finally, another great “resentment” song that we didn't have room to include — Forget You by Cee Lo Green.
 
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The Recovery Show 58:21
Letting Go – Episode 7 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/letting-go-episode-7/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/letting-go-episode-7/#comments Fri, 18 Jan 2013 05:03:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=547 In this podcast, Spencer, Mark, and Swetha discuss letting go as a path to serenity and happiness. But if we do, to whom are we letting go?

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/letting-go-episode-7/feed/ 3 In this podcast, Spencer, Mark, and Swetha discuss letting go as a path to serenity and happiness. But if we do, to whom are we letting go? Spencer, Mark, and Swetha discuss letting go. We talk about how we were or weren’t able to let go of things in our life before we came to the program. Spencer identified the slogan “Let go and let God” as a tool that he could adopt early on. At first he could only use “Let go”. He kept telling himself to “Let go” when he was tempted to try to control his loved one’s drinking. Mark shared that, before he entered the program, he did a lot of “letting go” — letting go of his needs and responsibilities, really letting go of almost everything other than his attempts to control his son’s drinking. His fear for his son overwhelmed him, and all he could do was try to control. Swetha “let go” of everything that didn’t happen the way she thought it should and that she couldn’t control, ignoring and denying unwanted reality, or else accepting defeat. Mark agreed that he was also letting go of reality, because he couldn’t face it.
After she started working the program, she began to understand that accepting reality, letting go of unrealistic expectations, is healthier for her. Spencer found that as he let go of his attempts to control the drinking, his loved one seemed more likely to seek recovery. Not only did letting go make him feel better, but it paradoxically seemed to encourage change.
We talk about how we were able to begin to “let God” as we worked through the 2nd and 3rd Steps, accepting a Higher Power, and making a decision to turn our lives over to the care of that Higher Power. Mark talks about how much harder it is to turn the care of our loved ones over to a Higher Power, than to make that decision for himself. Letting go of control seemed petrifying to him. Swetha shares her journey from belief in God to disbelief, and back. Mark asks “well, then, who were you letting go TO?” Spencer and Swetha found some relief from just letting go of their actions that were not working. It didn’t necessarily take them to a positive place, but it was less negative, and that helped.
Mark had a realization one day that he was never going to have a “perfect family”, but what he did have was a family in recovery. He let go of the old vision, and accepted the new reality, which was perfect in its own way. We talk some about how this has worked in our lives, when we let go of our unrealistic expectations and visions, and accepted our true reality. We find happiness in our current lives, rather than misery from wishing they were different. Mark’s “sponsor-in-law” would say “you are exactly where you need to be”, to which Mark would say, “but I don’t like where I am.” And she would respond, “well, then there’s something you need to learn.”
We talk a bit about the value of open AA speaker talks to help us find hope for our loved ones’ recovery, which helps with letting go of our control. Their stories of recovery give us faith that we can truly “let God.” Swetha talks about the experience of hearing laughter from AA meetings, and getting hope from the joy that was expressed there.
In the segment “our lives in recovery”, Mark heard a newcomer speak of her experiences that were so parallel to his that he felt an immediate connection, letting him know that he is not alone. In another meeting, hearing a different part of his story through another person let him look at himself and pointed him to some work he needs to do for his own serenity. In her step study group, Swetha was reminded that she needs to ask her higher power to remove her shortcomings. Spencer shares that when he is asked to support another member, it helps him to strengthen his own program, too. He had several opportunities for that this week.
Next week's topic is Resentment. Please contact us by voice mail at 734-707-8795, or by email to feedback@therecoveryshow.]]>
The Recovery Show 58:35
Expectations – Episode 6 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/expectations-episode-6/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/expectations-episode-6/#respond Mon, 14 Jan 2013 04:13:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=511 We talk about expectations, how they can lead to resentment and disappointment, how we recognize them, and let go of them.

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]]> http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/expectations-episode-6/feed/ 0 We talk about expectations, how they can lead to resentment and disappointment, how we recognize them, and let go of them. In this episode of The Recovery Show, Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer discuss expectations. Swetha wonders about the distinction between boundaries, expectations, and rules. She suggests that her boundaries are what she needs, her expectations are what she wants, and rules are an agreement about how people in a relationship will behave. Spencer notes that his expectations are frequently unexpressed – he expects others to read his mind, and to just somehow know what he expects them to do. Usually, people don't meet his unstated expectations, leading to resentment. Kelli feels that boundaries are about things “in her hula hoop”, and expectations are “outside her hula hoop”. Kelli relates the question to the Al-Anon Steps, Traditions and Concepts.
Swetha talks about becoming aware of her expectations in the program, and how being aware of them makes it easier to accept outcomes that don't meet her expectations. Spencer was not very self-aware before the program. Now that he can recognize his expectations, he is less likely to be disappointed, angry, or resentful if they are not met. Kelli talks about the expectations she has of other drivers when she is travelling, and that these are sometimes difficult to keep in check. She also notes that she can also have healthy expectations of herself.
Mark calls in from Canton and mentions the saying that high expectations lead to resentments and low expectations lead to disappointments. The second part was new to most of us and we spend some time talking about how it matches our experience. Mark also wonders how he can know if an expectation is reasonable or unreasonable. We agree that this is a difficult question. One way we have found, is to check in with another program member, maybe a sponsor, and with our Higher Power. Kelli's expectations can get out of control when she is out of touch with her Higher Power, and not living in the moment. Spencer suggests that words like “never” and “always” might indicate that he's holding an unreasonable expectation.
During the segment “Our Lives in Recovery”, Kelli talks about how she keeps the program alive in her life when she travels.
Our topic for next week will be Letting Go. You can join the conversation. Call 734-707-8795 to leave a voice mail or send email to feedback@therecoveryshow.com. If you have comments on this episode, please share them below.

Music from the show
The Spotify playlist includes the songs we played in this episode, plus one more song, Crystalized, by The Xx. Swetha said of this song, ‘I tend to apply a lot of pressure on the people around me to be exactly the same and completely consistent all the time. That's just my controlling behavior. And it's sung from the point of view of the person that is dealing with someone like me – “You apply the pressure to have me crystalised … Do I have to keep up the pace to keep you satisfied?”‘ Listen to the episode to hear why we picked King of Anything and Someone Like You.

 
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The Recovery Show 54:45 Choices – Episode 5 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/choices-episode-5/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/choices-episode-5/#respond Sun, 06 Jan 2013 03:07:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=439 Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery? Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss our experience, strength, and hope about finding and making choices in our lives, before and after we found recovery.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/choices-episode-5/feed/ 0 We discuss how we make choices now. Prior to the program we felt that we had to go along with others' wishes. Now we know that choices are always available. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about choices. In the past, we did not understand that we had choices. Much of the time, we felt that there was no choice. We may have thought that any decision must be black and white, good and bad, or that we must make a decision right away. Much of the time, we felt constrained by the decisions made by others, such as our parents. Spencer talks about making decisions such as what house to buy, where to go to school, with very little thought. He relates that, when he was early in Al-Anon, that he was told that he did not have to make a choice immediately, that he could wait. Swetha talks about feeling that any choice must be a permanent choice, that if she chose chocolate ice cream one day, she was committed to chocolate forever. When Kelli began to understand that she had choices, she found the idea scary.<br /> <br /> We talk about the tools that we have now. Some of the slogans, such as "One day at a time", or "How important is it?" are helpful. We have learned to ask for help, through prayer and meditation, by calling other people in the program. Swetha takes her inventory when she finds herself feeling resentful, feeling forced into a choice. We have also found that choices are possible in other dimensions; that we can choose to change our reactions or our attitudes, even when we are powerless to change our situation. We can choose to be resentful or we can choose acceptance.<br /> <br /> Spencer was amazed to find that he could choose to do something different than the rest of his family wants to do. He has the power to choose to take care of his own well-being, no matter what the others in his life might want. We each share stories of our experience of making healthy choices. When we know we are heading into a potentially difficult situation, we can plan ahead, so we have a "menu" of choices that we can make to keep ourselves healthy and sane.<br /> <br /> While Swetha was on vacation with her family, she was reading an Al-Anon book, Discovering Choices.<br /> The Recovery Show 55:52
Denial – Pilot Episode 4 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/denial-pilot-episode-4/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/denial-pilot-episode-4/#respond Sun, 30 Dec 2012 02:52:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=376 What is denial? How did we experience denial in our lives? What tools have we found to combat it? How is our life better when we accept reality on its own terms? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest Erika discuss these questions and share our experience, strength, and hope on the topic of denial.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/denial-pilot-episode-4/feed/ 0 How has denial affected our lives? How do we recognize denial? How do we deal with denial? We share our experience, strength, and hope. Spencer, Kelli and Erika discuss denial. We started with a reading that said, in part "Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minutes to the next. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devastated because reality didn’t go away just because it was ignored."<br /> <br /> We didn't really understand the concept of denial before coming into the program. Now, we are able to look back through our recovery glasses and identify times when we were ignoring the parts of reality that we didn't like. Spencer shared that he denied his loved one's alcoholism for years, at least in part because he had a particular vision of what alcoholism was, and it didn't fit their situation. Erika talks about denying her fears and feelings when they didn't fit with her vision of how her life should be.<br /> <br /> We each talk about circumstances when we were in denial, how we recognized it. Erika shares that when she finds herself in unmanageability, and trying to justify her actions or feelings, that she is likely denying some aspect of reality. Spencer had to be jolted into recognizing reality by evidence that was undeniable. He was ignoring all the clues that might contradict his expectations and wishes, until "reality crashed in" on him. Kelli might be in denial when she becomes really logical and controlling over a situation, rather than accepting it. She usually gets "a clue" when she starts trying to explain it to her sponsor or someone else in the program – their reaction makes it clear that she's not living in reality.<br /> <br /> Spencer shares that sometimes he is reluctant to use the tools of the program. He knows that these tools can help him reach serenity and acceptance. When he is not willing to use those tools, he is probably not accepting reality, and he is afraid to face whatever reality he is denying. When he can bring his fear into the open and share it with others, then he can break through his denial and start to work on solving the real problem. The reading continues with "When we share with other members about what is really going on, we cut through our denial and anchor ourselves in reality." He shares a recent experience, where finally being able to share a fear began the process of recovering from the paralyzing effect it had on his life. Erika agrees that just saying something out loud, even to herself, has power. She likes that the steps teach us a way to move into self-acceptance and out of denial. Kelli hears that we are talking about trusting the process. She does not like sharing at meetings, though.<br /> <br /> We each share our difficulties in accepting the reality that loved ones in our lives are aging, that their health is failing, and that they are mortal. Denial can be really strong here, especially when we don't have the reality in our face. We are grateful that our program gives us ways to move through the denial into acceptance, so that we can continue to enjoy the time we have left with them, and not to be paralyzed by anxiety and fear.<br /> <br /> We close with another bit of the reading, "I can’t cope with something unless i acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life." The Recovery Show 58:22
Acceptance – Pilot episode 3 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/acceptance-pilot-episode-3/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/acceptance-pilot-episode-3/#comments Sun, 23 Dec 2012 21:15:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=307 Kelli leads a discussion with Swetha and Spencer about acceptance. Kelli opened with a reading that begins “It is said that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional …” She speaks of her previous belief that accepting something meant thinking that it was right. She has grown into an attitude of patience, acceptance, and tolerance … Continue reading "Acceptance – Pilot episode 3"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/acceptance-pilot-episode-3/feed/ 9 Kelli leads a discussion with Swetha and Spencer about acceptance. Kelli opened with a reading that begins “It is said that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional …” She speaks of her previous belief that accepting something meant thinking that i... Swetha speaks of her fear that accepting reality would mean that she had to deal with it somehow, and that she didn't know how to deal with it. She now understands that she can say “it IS”, and that she won't fall apart. Faith in her Higher Power helps her to know that she will get through whatever it is. Spencer talks about acceptance of family  members, “allowing” them to be who they are, who they have always been, and understand that they won't change. He can do his part by not triggering the unwanted behavior, and his relationships have improved as a result. Kelli says that working as a sponsor to other women in the program has helped her to learn acceptance. Spencer recorded a conversation earlier with Anne, who had a lot to say, and spoke of how accepting her feelings helps her to move through them and past them. Anne recalled the reading from AA, “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” She talked about how she applies it in her life.
We share how we felt when our loved ones were seemingly destroying themselves and their lives by drinking or drugging. Acceptance of our loved ones' diseases helped us to support them in their own struggles without enabling, without getting in the way, without making ourselves crazy, while keeping hope alive. It was painful, but we didn't have to suffer through it. Swetha talks about past controlling, codependent behavior when she was unable to accept her loved ones way of living their life. She now realizes that  those experiences helped to prepare her for finding recovery and acceptance in the Al-Anon program, and that her life is now happy, joyous and free as a result. We agree that changing our attitude to one of acceptance has made our lives more serene, happier, and much more manageable.
Next week's topic is Denial. Please share your thoughts on denial by voice mail at (734) 707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com.
 
Music from the program

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The Recovery Show 57:14
Powerlessness – Pilot episode 2 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-episode-2-powerlessness/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-episode-2-powerlessness/#comments Sun, 16 Dec 2012 23:54:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=232 Swetha leads a discussion of powerlessness. We talk about how we understood it (or didn't) before coming to the program and how we understand it now.  Each of us discusses situations in which we feel powerlessness and how we recognize it. Kelli says that sometimes recognizing powerlessness can give her power. How can that work? … Continue reading "Powerlessness – Pilot episode 2"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-episode-2-powerlessness/feed/ 1 We discuss powerlessness, how we understood it before coming to the program, how we understand it now, and how recognizing powerlessness can give us power. Swetha leads a discussion of powerlessness. We talk about how we understood it (or didn't) before coming to the program and how we understand it now. Each of us discusses situations in which we feel powerlessness and how we recognize it. Kelli says that sometimes recognizing powerlessness can give her power. How can that work? Listen and find out. The Recovery Show 42:22
Boundaries – Pilot episode 1 - The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-1-boundaries/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-1-boundaries/#respond Mon, 10 Dec 2012 16:34:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=159 Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha discuss boundaries. We all agreed that before coming into the program that we pretty much did not set boundaries, for fear that others would not respect them. Instead we got angry about violations of unstated boundaries and carried those resentments. When we heard talk of boundaries in meetings, we didn't understand … Continue reading "Boundaries – Pilot episode 1"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-1-boundaries/feed/ 0 In our first pilot episode, we discuss boundaries. Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha discuss boundaries. We all agreed that before coming into the program that we pretty much did not set boundaries, for fear that others would not respect them. Instead we got angry about violations of unstated boundaries and carried those resentments. When we heard talk of boundaries in meetings, we didn't understand how we could make them work. Swetha states "I thought they were something that other people could do, but not me." We found ways to set healthy boundaries on our own behavior and how we deal with others' unacceptable behavior. We also found it valuable to understand where "we" end and "others" begin, because some of us felt that we were responsible for and had to control everything around us. Boundaries help us to have relationships with "problem" people in our lives, and to keep the focus on ourselves.<br /> <br /> This is very definitely a pilot episode. It includes only our discussion of the topic, and has none of the features we intend to eventually include. The recording was done with minimal equipment, but the sound quality is reasonably good despite that. Spencer's voice at the beginning is really loud so turn down your headphone volume before you start playing it. The Recovery Show 27:02