The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/category/podcast/ 12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using. Sat, 07 Sep 2019 19:07:28 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.2.3 http://therecoveryshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/cropped-moth-32x32.png The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/category/podcast/ 32 32 12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using. The Recovery Show The Recovery Show spencer@therecoveryshow.com spencer@therecoveryshow.com (The Recovery Show) Copyright © The Recovery Show 2013 12-step recovery for those of us who live or have lived with alcoholism or addiction. The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/moth-icon-144.png http://therecoveryshow.com/category/podcast/ spencer@therecoveryshow.com Jennifer – Free from Obsession – 302 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/jennifer-free-from-obsession-302/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/jennifer-free-from-obsession-302/#respond Sat, 07 Sep 2019 19:07:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4963 Jennifer's adult son has been drinking alcoholically for his entire adult life, some 30 years. She wrote and offered to tell her story, where she is now living a wonderful life, free of the obsession to do something. She loves him, she is concerned about his well-being and health, but that doesn't consume her life … Continue reading "Jennifer – Free from Obsession – 302"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/jennifer-free-from-obsession-302/feed/ 0 Jennifer's adult son has been drinking alcoholically for his entire adult life, some 30 years. She wrote and offered to tell her story, where she is now living a wonderful life, free of the obsession to do something. She loves him, Jennifer's adult son has been drinking alcoholically for his entire adult life, some 30 years. She wrote and offered to tell her story, where she is now living a wonderful life, free of the obsession to do something. She loves him, she is concerned about his well-being and health, but that doesn't consume her life any more.
Her son's alcoholism is so strong that he has been unwilling to seek or accept help. She still loves him, but has told him that he must live on his own, that she will not support him in his addiction. This meant that at times, he was homeless, living in the forest. She accepts (but doesn't like) that he must live with the consequences of his actions. She has given him the respect of letting him live his life, not the one she might have wanted for him.
Readings and Links
Jennifer read from Courage to Change, September 14, and Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, p. 15.
A listener asked about where I got the Mary Pearl workshop. I bought it from Lee's Tapes and CDs at an AA convention, and it is also available online at this link.
Only the last 300 episodes are available in your podcast app, but they are all available right here.
Feedback
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Wayne Watson: Watercolor Ponies

Wayne Watson: Class of 95

Taylor Swift: Clean

 
 
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The Recovery Show 302 1:08:01
Geneviève – Together we can make it – 301 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/genevieve-together-we-can-make-it-301/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/genevieve-together-we-can-make-it-301/#respond Thu, 29 Aug 2019 22:00:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4953 Geneviève started recovery at the age of 14 as a member of Alateen. There, she found a family she had never had. She didn't think she needed Alateen, but there was something there that called to her. Maybe at first it was just the community – the people who welcomed her and hugged her (although … Continue reading "Geneviève – Together we can make it – 301"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/genevieve-together-we-can-make-it-301/feed/ 0 Geneviève started recovery at the age of 14 as a member of Alateen. There, she found a family she had never had. She didn't think she needed Alateen, but there was something there that called to her. Maybe at first it was just the community – the peopl... Geneviève started recovery at the age of 14 as a member of Alateen. There, she found a family she had never had. She didn't think she needed Alateen, but there was something there that called to her. Maybe at first it was just the community – the people who welcomed her and hugged her (although that was weird at first, too). After a couple years, she dived in whole heartedly.
But, when she turned 20, she was no longer a teen. And the Al-Anon members were all old. Comparing herself to them, she found so many differences. As she started to have friends who were getting pulled into addiction, she needed Al-Anon more and more. It was a “parents meeting” that helped her the most at this time. She started to identify with others and felt included.
Of course, as a young adult who found so much in Alateen, she is giving back to Alateen as an AMIAS (Al-Anon member in service to Alateen).
In our conversation, we discuss differences between Alateen and Al-Anon, and also how they are similar. She describes the life-changing experience of Alateen weekend conventions. And we are sad about how few Alateen meetings there are.
Readings and Links
Geneviève opened with a reading from the daily reader Hope for Today, page 105 (April 14).
Upcoming
Next week we will have a conversation with an Al-Anon member, where she will share her experience with the 25 year descent of an adult child refusing treatment and development of mental illness. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
John Mayer: In the Blood

Ed Sheeran: Castle on the Hill

 
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The Recovery Show 301 1:40:06
What you found here – 300 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/what-you-found-here-300/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/what-you-found-here-300/#respond Tue, 20 Aug 2019 02:57:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4945 The Recovery Show has reached the grand age of 300 … episodes. Or, if you prefer, over 6 1/2 years. I asked you to tell me what you found here, what brought you here, what keeps you coming back. And about 30 of you answered, with only about 2 weeks notice! So, what did you … Continue reading "What you found here – 300"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/what-you-found-here-300/feed/ 0 The Recovery Show has reached the grand age of 300 … episodes. Or, if you prefer, over 6 1/2 years. I asked you to tell me what you found here, what brought you here, what keeps you coming back. And about 30 of you answered, The Recovery Show has reached the grand age of 300 … episodes. Or, if you prefer, over 6 1/2 years. I asked you to tell me what you found here, what brought you here, what keeps you coming back. And about 30 of you answered, with only about 2 weeks notice!
So, what did you find here? What are you saying in this episode 300?
You found voices speaking your experience. Voices expressing feelings you didn't know you had. Voices that opened corners of your mind you had forgotten were there. Voices of other people who have been where you are, and got through.
You found a moment of calm in the midst of a chaotic day. You found an escape from the unmanageability of your life, if only for an hour. You found ideas, concepts, slogans, quotes, and other tools that you could use today, that you could bring to bear on the problems you have right now. You found friends that accompany you on your long commute, during your workout, or when you need some calm.
You found a deeper exploration of the Al-Anon principles, steps, traditions, and concepts. You heard examples of others using these in “all their affairs” to deal with every day problems, and also to live with / through / after the effects of alcoholism and addiction on your life.
Some of you found a way into the rooms and meetings of Al-Anon and other recovery programs. You came to believe that you could be helped, and you got over your reluctance and fear of walking into a meeting. You had some idea what might happen there and why you wanted it. Others have difficulty making it to meetings because of distance or obligations to family or work. You found here a “meeting between meetings”, a “meeting in your pocket.”
It is amazing to me that this show has reached so many of you, that it has touched you in so many ways, and for some, so deeply. I have found friends here — those who have participated as guest hosts and those who have called or written to share their experience, strength, and hope. I honestly could not keep on doing this without you, whether you know it or not.
In short, we have all found some measure of recovery here. I have, and so have you. Happy 300.

Music from the show
Taylor Swift: Don't Blame Me

Blake Shelton: Savior's Shadow

 
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The Recovery Show 300 1:10:02
How to Sabotage a Relationship – 299 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/how-to-sabotage-a-relationship-299/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/how-to-sabotage-a-relationship-299/#respond Wed, 07 Aug 2019 12:28:41 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4939 In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery. Upcoming: our 300th episode Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The … Continue reading "How to Sabotage a Relationship – 299"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/how-to-sabotage-a-relationship-299/feed/ 0 In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery. In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery.
Upcoming: our 300th episode
Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know!  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. To be included in episode 300, please do so before August 10, 2019.
 
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The Recovery Show 299 1:23:56
Saying No — No is a complete sentence – 298 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/saying-no-no-is-a-complete-sentence-298/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/saying-no-no-is-a-complete-sentence-298/#comments Wed, 31 Jul 2019 12:46:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4925 Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”. “No” is a boundary. Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and is not ours to … Continue reading "Saying No — No is a complete sentence – 298"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/saying-no-no-is-a-complete-sentence-298/feed/ 1 Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”. “No” is a boundary. Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and i... Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”.

* “No” is a boundary.

* Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and is not ours to do.


* What’s the problem here?

* I feel I have to justify my “no” answer.
* I’m afraid you won’t like me if say “no”
* I’m afraid you will respond with anger or disappointment if I say “no”
* I feel like I’m being mean if I say “no”
* I feel like I “should” say “yes” but I don’t want to.
* I say “I don’t know” or “maybe” instead of “no.”
* I say “yes” but I mean “no.”


* Do I also have a problem saying “yes”?
* Do I have a problem committing, in general?
* Why should I learn to say “no”, period?

* I don’t have an infinite store of time and energy.
* Some things are more important than others.
* I need to set and respect my own boundaries.
* I’m not comfortable / don’t agree with what you are asking me for / to do.


* What is the difference between “no” and negativity?
* Strength of “no”

* It is an affirmation of self.
* When I say “no”, it makes my “yes” stronger and more meaningful.


* When to say no?

* When it keeps me true to my principles and values.
* When it protects me from being exploited.
* When it keeps me focused on my own goals.
* When it protects me from abuse.
* When I need the strength to change course.
* Try saying “yes” and “no” (in your head) and see how each one feels to you.
* Think about the consequences of saying “yes” (or “no”).


* How can I say no nicely?

* “I’ll think about it” — but only if I really will think about it and get back with a “yes” or “no” — not just to put off saying “no”.
* Use softer language: “I’d prefer not to”
* At least say it calmly.
* “That’s really not my responsibility.”
*


* How can I say “no” to myself? And when is it important to say no to myself?

Readings and Links
We read from Courage to Change, July 25 and April 13.
Eric mentioned the book Discovering Choices.
Web links we used as resources include these from Psychology Today: The Power of No, When, Why, and How to say No. From Huffington Post, The Art of Saying No. From Mindful.org, No Is A Complete Sentence.
We got some quotes from AZquotes.com.
Related topics from The Recovery Show include these episodes

* Boundaries (103, 44)
* Courage (220)
* Choices (164, 5)
* Fear (74, 187, 236)

Upcoming: our 300th episode
Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know!  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email 298 1:05:03
Mary Pearl T on Step 12 – Episode 297 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/mary-pearl-t-on-step-12-episode-297/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/mary-pearl-t-on-step-12-episode-297/#respond Wed, 24 Jul 2019 04:37:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4919 Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Join us for the conclusion of Mary Pearl T's workshop on the 12 steps. She clearly illustrates, with warmth and wit, how she understands and lives … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Step 12 – Episode 297"

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]]> http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/mary-pearl-t-on-step-12-episode-297/feed/ 0 Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Join us for the conclusion of Mary Pearl T's workshop on the 12 steps. Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Join us for the conclusion of Mary Pearl T's workshop on the 12 steps. She clearly illustrates, with warmth and wit, how she understands and lives this step.
Readings and Links
Listeners wrote and called with reflections on these episodes:

* Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences, episode 296
* Spencer and Amy — a couple in recovery, episode 294
* Judgement, episode 104
* S-Anon, episode 280

The other Mary Pearl episodes are

* Step 1, episode 259
* Step 2, episode 263
* Step 3, episode 264
* Step 4, episode 268
* Step 5, episode 271
* Step 6, episode 274
* Step 7, episode 282
* Steps 8 and 9, episode 286
* Step 10, episode 288
* Step 11, episode 291

Two listeners shared their own hope, strength, and experience on a question from an earlier episode, “What if my loved one never finds sobriety?”
Please add your sharing
Our 300th episode is coming soon. How has The Recovery Show helped your recovery? What episode touched you? Did you go to your first meeting after listening to us? Have you been a guest on the podcast? Call or send email with your answer to one of these questions, or to one I didn't think to ask. I'd love to construct our 300th episode from your voices.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope.
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The Recovery Show 297 1:04:37 Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences – 296 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/spiritual-awakenings-and-experiences-296/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/spiritual-awakenings-and-experiences-296/#respond Tue, 09 Jul 2019 03:03:59 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4577 What was your spiritual awakening? What spiritual experiences have you had? Step 12 starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…”. The AA “Big Book” speaks of “a spiritual experience” as a key to recovery. What's going on here? Do we have to have some sudden “white light” experience to … Continue reading "Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences – 296"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/spiritual-awakenings-and-experiences-296/feed/ 0 What was your spiritual awakening? What spiritual experiences have you had? Step 12 starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…”. The AA “Big Book” speaks of “a spiritual experience” as a key to recovery. What was your spiritual awakening? What spiritual experiences have you had?
Step 12 starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…”. The AA “Big Book” speaks of “a spiritual experience” as a key to recovery. What's going on here? Do we have to have some sudden “white light” experience to truly be in recovery?
Both traditions answer, firmly, “No.” The Big Book says, simply, “Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience.” Al-Anon's book How Al-Anon Works affirms that “more commonly … we experience a gradual awakening of the spirit”.
I found meaning in the story of the Buddha, who, shortly after his enlightenment, was questioned by a person he encountered on the road if he was a god, a wizard, a man? To which he responded, “no”. When the man asked “Well, what are  you then?”, the Buddha said “I am awake.”
In this episode, 4 people describe a spiritual awakening or experience from their lives.
Readings and Links
We read from
How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 8, Step Twelve.
Alcoholics Anonymous, Appendix II
A listener wrote about the Al-Anon book Having had a Spiritual Awakening, and how it led him to a gentle awakening.
Want to contribute?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Carrie Newcomer: If Not Now

Climbing PoeTree: Being Human (read it here.)
Dervish dancing (Sama)

 
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The Recovery Show 296 42:52
Kerri K – Speaker talk – 295 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/kerri-k-speaker-talk-295/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/kerri-k-speaker-talk-295/#respond Wed, 03 Jul 2019 12:14:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4575 A listener and erstwhile guest, Carrie, suggested this talk. She writes, Such an incredible story! Chock full of life experiences, wisdom, humor and hope.  I’ve listened to it several times over the years.   Makes me want to go hike in Phoenix and get a teddy bear to pass around.  😊 Upcoming An upcoming topic is … Continue reading "Kerri K – Speaker talk – 295"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/kerri-k-speaker-talk-295/feed/ 0 A listener and erstwhile guest, Carrie, suggested this talk. She writes, Such an incredible story! Chock full of life experiences, wisdom, humor and hope.  I’ve listened to it several times over the years.   Makes me want to go hike in Phoenix and get ... A listener and erstwhile guest, Carrie, suggested this talk. She writes,
Such an incredible story! Chock full of life experiences, wisdom, humor and hope.  I’ve listened to it several times over the years.  
Makes me want to go hike in Phoenix and get a teddy bear to pass around.  😊
Upcoming
An upcoming topic is spiritual awakenings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your own spiritual awakening or spiritual experience. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 295 1:09:34
Spencer and Amy — a couple in recovery — 294 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/spencer-and-amy-a-couple-in-recovery-294/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/spencer-and-amy-a-couple-in-recovery-294/#comments Tue, 25 Jun 2019 02:30:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4571 Recently, my wife, Amy, and I were guests on the podcast Sober Speak. This is our sharing — what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. We spoke both of our own experience and of our shared experience. I hope that something we said connects with you.  

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/spencer-and-amy-a-couple-in-recovery-294/feed/ 4 Recently, my wife, Amy, and I were guests on the podcast Sober Speak. This is our sharing — what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. We spoke both of our own experience and of our shared experience. Recently, my wife, Amy, and I were guests on the podcast Sober Speak. This is our sharing — what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. We spoke both of our own experience and of our shared experience.
I hope that something we said connects with you.
 
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The Recovery Show 294 1:10:42
Lynne – Grief can be a wonderful thing – 293 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/lynne-grief-can-be-a-wonderful-thing-293/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/lynne-grief-can-be-a-wonderful-thing-293/#comments Wed, 19 Jun 2019 12:31:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4563 Lynne tells her story – what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. She touches on grief both before and after entering recovery, on parenting, and on co-parenting with an alcoholic. Lynne tells of the alcohol fueled death of a close friend, and of the later crisis that brought her into Al-Anon. … Continue reading "Lynne – Grief can be a wonderful thing – 293"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/lynne-grief-can-be-a-wonderful-thing-293/feed/ 1 Lynne tells her story – what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. She touches on grief both before and after entering recovery, on parenting, and on co-parenting with an alcoholic. Lynne tells of the alcohol fueled death of a close frien... Lynne tells her story – what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. She touches on grief both before and after entering recovery, on parenting, and on co-parenting with an alcoholic. Lynne tells of the alcohol fueled death of a close friend, and of the later crisis that brought her into Al-Anon. I really enjoyed our conversation together.
Readings and Links
Lynne read from Courage to Change, January 2.
She recommend the “grief book”, Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses.
Her home group is working the Steps, Traditions and Concepts using the workbook Reaching for Personal Freedom.
In response to questions from listeners, we mentioned some resources with “open talks” from AA and other programs:

* Recovery Radio Network, which is both a podcast and a website.
* XA Speakers, a website with a huge collection of speakers from many “anonymous” programs.
* Sober Speak, a podcast where members of AA (and occasionally Al-Anon) share their stories.

A listener shared that she recently started using Insight Timer, and thanked Eric for recommending it.
Upcoming
An upcoming topic is “having had a spiritual awakening”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your spiritual experience or awakening. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real: Bad Case

James Bay: Let It Go

Florence and the Machine: You Got The Love

 
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The Recovery Show 293 1:44:32
Sayings, Quotes, Proverbs, and Parables – 292 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/sayings-quotes-proverbs-and-parables-292/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/sayings-quotes-proverbs-and-parables-292/#respond Wed, 12 Jun 2019 21:53:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4550 Do you have a few sayings or quotes that support your recovery? How do you use them? Spencer and Eric explore a long list of sayings, quotes, proverbs, and parables. We talked about all of these, some at length, and some quite briefly. Some of these have dates in the form month/day, which refer to … Continue reading "Sayings, Quotes, Proverbs, and Parables – 292"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/sayings-quotes-proverbs-and-parables-292/feed/ 0 Do you have a few sayings or quotes that support your recovery? How do you use them? Spencer and Eric explore a long list of sayings, quotes, proverbs, and parables. We talked about all of these, some at length, and some quite briefly.
Do you have a few sayings or quotes that support your recovery? How do you use them?
Spencer and Eric explore a long list of sayings, quotes, proverbs, and parables. We talked about all of these, some at length, and some quite briefly. Some of these have dates in the form month/day, which refer to readings in the book Courage to Change.

* Take what you like and leave the rest.
* Let it begin with me.
* You are not alone.
* Don’t pick up the rope.
* I don't have to attend every dog fight I'm invited to.
* not my monkeys not my circus
* There are only two types of business; my business, and none of my business.
* We’re only as sick as our secrets.
* Move a muscle, change a thought. (Act my way into right thinking.)
* Don’t just do something, sit there. When in doubt don’t.
* First thought, wrong thought.
* I am a human being, not a human doing.
* Participation is the key to harmony.
* Worry is like a rocking chair; going back and forth and going nowhere.
* The only way I can push people, is away from me.
* Say what you mean but don’t say it meanly.
* The enemy of serenity is indecision and hurry.
* Came, Came to, and Came to Believe!
* Show up, wake up, smarten up.
* I can’t, he can, I think I’ll let him.
* “If you understand, things are just as they are.  If you don’t understand, things are just as they are.” Zen proverb.
* It works if you work it!
* If nothing changes, nothing changes.
* Let go or be dragged.
* Stop living in the wreckage of the future.
* Life on life’s terms.
* Keep my head where my feet are.
* Fear and faith can’t live in the same house.
* When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
* What other people think of me is none of my business.
* Do the next right thing.
* If I don’t have 5 minutes to meditate, take 10.
* My best thinking got me here.
* If my only prayer today is thank you, that will suffice.
* The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas.
* I may not get everything I want today but I have everything I need.
* Forgiveness is letting go of hoping for a better yesterday.
* Look back but don’t stare.
* Parable of the two wolves — Which one wins? The one you feed.
* When going through hell, keep going.
* When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot.
* When 1 door closes, another door opens, but living in the hallway is hell.
* Before sunlight shines through a window, the blinds must be raised.  American – 3/5
* Patience is the key to paradise.  Turkish – 5/14
* When we talk of tomorrow, God laughs.  Chinese – 5/17
* The highest for of wisdom is kindness.  The Talmud – 4/13
* “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abe Lincoln
* “Courage faces fear and thereby masters it.”  MLK Jr – 8/6
* “Even if I knew tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.”  Martin Luther – 11/5
* “The oak grows stronger in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.”  Peter Marshal – 3/23
* “There is no try.  There is do or not do.”  Yoda
* “Fear leads to hate, hate to anger, anger to suffering.”  Yoda
* “Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing.” Albert Schweitzer – 12/9

Readings and Links
Links to longer explanations about or readings of the parables we discussed:
Pandoras box
292 1:15:46
Step 11 with Mary Pearl T – 291 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/step-11-with-mary-pearl-t-291/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/step-11-with-mary-pearl-t-291/#respond Thu, 30 May 2019 03:22:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4546 How have you deepened your conscious contact with your higher power? What is your practice of prayer and meditation? Mary Pearl T leads us on an exploration of Step 11, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us … Continue reading "Step 11 with Mary Pearl T – 291"

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]]> http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/step-11-with-mary-pearl-t-291/feed/ 0 How have you deepened your conscious contact with your higher power? What is your practice of prayer and meditation? Mary Pearl T leads us on an exploration of Step 11, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as ... Mary Pearl T leads us on an exploration of Step 11, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” She uses stories to illuminates her understanding of the step with her usual blend of humor and depth.
Upcoming
In an upcoming episode, we will be talking about our favorite quotes and sayings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 291 42:51 But One Purpose – 290 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/but-one-purpose-290/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/but-one-purpose-290/#respond Tue, 21 May 2019 02:05:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4541 Our 5th tradition says, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. How do we do this? How has this supported and worked in your recovery? In full, it reads, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps … Continue reading "But One Purpose – 290"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/but-one-purpose-290/feed/ 0 Our 5th tradition says, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. How do we do this? How has this supported and worked in your recovery? In full, it reads, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help fami... In full, it reads, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.
I explore how this tradition appeared in my life, in reverse order of the phrases in the tradition.
Welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.



* I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting with some fear and trepidation. I didn’t know what I was going to find there, and I was terrified that I’d meet someone who knew me. Of course, that happened even before I stepped into the room!
* I really don’t remember what anyone said at that meeting, but by the end of the meeting, I knew one very important fact: I WAS NO LONGER ALONE!
* I was welcomed with open and loving arms into the Al-Anon fellowship. That alone was enough for me to come back the next week, and the next, and the next.
* I try to remember to extend this welcome whenever a new person comes to a meeting, but also to all members, whether new or “long timers”. This can be a spiritual practice: to smile, to say “hi”, and to listen with real interest.
* In my experience, there is no comfort to be had that is greater than someone saying, “I’ve been there. This is what I did. It wasn’t easy, but I got better.”



Understanding and encouraging our alcoholic relatives.



* Oh, this was hard. I was so angry and resentful of my loved one’s alcoholism. Initially, I was angry at her. Why couldn’t she just stop. Or maybe just drink normally? Why couldn’t we go back to the “way it was”?
* I started to learn about the disease concept by attending “friends and family” days at treatment centers (and yes, there were several of these).
* What really drove home to me that alcoholism was a disease, and that it was not a choice of my loved one, was attending AA speaker meetings. During my first few years, I must have attended 100 of these. I started to see that the “arc” of their story was the same, even though all the details were different.
* I could hear my wife’s story in other people’s voices, when I couldn’t hear it from her. I could start to develop compassion for her struggle.
* “Encouraging” — What does that mean? It’s not standing on the sideline shouting “Rah!” or “Ole!” or “you can do it!” At least I don’t think so. For me, it was being loving (as best I could), whether she was drinking or not. It was not berating her when she slipped, as she did many times. And it wasn’t always easy.



Practicing the 12 steps of AA ourselves.

* This is where recovery happened for me. I had to find (at least the concept of) a higher power. I had to look at myself and ask for help to change. I had to clean up “my side of the street.” And I had to grow into a new way of living, and finding a new emotional and spiritual center for myself.

Readings and Links
I read from Courage to Change, December 20.
Upcoming
Upcoming topics include quotes. What quotes have helped you or inspired you?
A listener suggested the topic of Spiritual Experiences. Have you had a spiritual experience (large or small)? Share it and help us to put together an episode.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 290 56:16
Applying the Serenity Prayer – 289 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/applying-the-serenity-prayer-289/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/applying-the-serenity-prayer-289/#comments Tue, 14 May 2019 02:35:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4537 How do you have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference? I reflect on how many times I have applied the serenity prayer during a weekend vacation. Upcoming Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your … Continue reading "Applying the Serenity Prayer – 289"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/applying-the-serenity-prayer-289/feed/ 1 How do you have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference? I reflect on how many times I have applied the serenity prayer during a weekend vacation. I reflect on how many times I have applied the serenity prayer during a weekend vacation.
Upcoming
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 289 17:10
Mary Pearl T on Step 10 – 288 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-step-10-288/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-step-10-288/#respond Tue, 30 Apr 2019 04:05:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4534 Step 10 says “We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Mary Pearl T gives us her usual insightful and humorous take on this step. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.  

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-step-10-288/feed/ 0 Step 10 says “We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Mary Pearl T gives us her usual insightful and humorous take on this step. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 288 32:11
Marc and Michele’s son is in prison – 287 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/marc-and-micheles-son-is-in-prison-287/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/marc-and-micheles-son-is-in-prison-287/#respond Wed, 24 Apr 2019 16:40:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4528 Is someone you love facing jail or prison because of their drinking or addiction? How do you live through something like that? Michele and Marc share their experience, strength, and hope. Their son started drinking and using drugs in high school, and it's been quite a ride since then. He is now in prison. They … Continue reading "Marc and Michele’s son is in prison – 287"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/marc-and-micheles-son-is-in-prison-287/feed/ 0 Is someone you love facing jail or prison because of their drinking or addiction? How do you live through something like that? Michele and Marc share their experience, strength, and hope. Their son started drinking and using drugs in high school, Is someone you love facing jail or prison because of their drinking or addiction? How do you live through something like that? Michele and Marc share their experience, strength, and hope. Their son started drinking and using drugs in high school, and it's been quite a ride since then. He is now in prison. They describe their journey and what it's like for them now.
Readings and Links
Marc opened with a reading from the Nar-Anon daily reader, Sharing Experience, Strength, and Hope, July 24.
Michele read from April 18 of that book.
In response to a topic suggestion of “principles before personalities”, I referred to our episode 98 on Tradition 12.
A listener suggested a topic about adult children who are still actively using, and I pointed to the Parents' Roundtable, episode 22.
Upcoming
We have a topic suggestion of quotes, proverbs, and parables. We'd love to hear about the ones that are meaningful to you.  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Soul to Squeeze

Spacehog: In the Meantime

Leann Rimes: How Do I Live Without You

 
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The Recovery Show 287 1:35:21
Mary Pearl T on Steps 8 and 9 – 286 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-steps-8-and-9-286/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-steps-8-and-9-286/#respond Tue, 09 Apr 2019 21:42:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4523 Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Mary Pearl does her usual in-depth, funny, and moving presentation of these steps. Readings and … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Steps 8 and 9 – 286"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-steps-8-and-9-286/feed/ 0 Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Mary Pearl does her usual in-depth, funny, Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Mary Pearl does her usual in-depth, funny, and moving presentation of these steps.
Readings and Links
A caller recommended the May 20 reading from Hope for Today.
Feedback
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 286 57:13
Contentment and even Happiness – 285 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/contentment-and-even-happiness-285/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/contentment-and-even-happiness-285/#comments Tue, 02 Apr 2019 03:41:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4517 The Suggested Al-Anon Welcome says, in part “… it is possible to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.” How can this happen? I was recently talking with an Al-Anon friend whose loved one had relapsed. My friend wondered if it was possible to have a life that wasn’t full … Continue reading "Contentment and even Happiness – 285"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/contentment-and-even-happiness-285/feed/ 3 The Suggested Al-Anon Welcome says, in part “… it is possible to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.” How can this happen? I was recently talking with an Al-Anon friend whose loved one had relapsed. I was recently talking with an Al-Anon friend whose loved one had relapsed. My friend wondered if it was possible to have a life that wasn’t full of anger and sadness even though there was active drinking in their home again. I tried to speak from my own experience, because I had been in that place for a couple years. I did find “contentment and even happiness” while my loved one was still drinking. How did I do that?
In my first year in Al-Anon, my wife had 8 months of continuous sobriety before relapsing. So I was at least able to start to get into the program before I was challenged to really apply the tools and principles I had been learning. It would be another 2 ½ years before she “hit her bottom” and found long term sobriety (one day at a time).
Before Al-Anon, my soul was full of anger, despair, resentment, fear, frustration, and rage. I felt that I was a failure, and didn’t understand why she couldn’t just drink “normally”. Was that too much to ask? And obviously it was my job to make that happen! Except that nothing worked.
During the next 2 ½ years, there were short periods of sobriety, or at least not drinking. But emotionally, I was in a very different place than I had been. I was definitely unhappy about the drinking, and felt frustration and anger with each relapse. But I didn’t carry those feelings with me all the time. What made the difference?
Recently, I heard her tell a friend, “I was a low bottom alcoholic”. Those words surprised me (13 years later!) I knew it was bad for her at the end, but I didn’t really know how bad. From my perspective, she had gotten to a point in her life where she had nothing to do but drink. We still had a house to live in, cars to drive, and enough money to put food on the table.
But during those months, I hadn’t put my life on hold to try to fix her. I was getting sleep, I was doing things I liked, and I definitely had periods of contentment and happiness. Also sadness that the person I loved might be drinking herself to death (and some fear that it would come to that.) Looking back, I think those gift of the Al-Anon program came from:
Acceptance and compassion

* Alcoholism is a disease. I can’t cure it. I can’t control it. Lots of AA speaker talks (probably at least 100) convinced me of this.
* I came to understand that she hated what was happening at least as much as I did. She was also powerless over it. (vision of her in the passenger seat, screaming, with her alcoholism driving).

Detaching with love

* Worth a whole episode (12, 188)
* I cannot tie my happiness to someone else’s behavior.
* I can love someone, even when they are not behaving as I want them to.
* 2 kinds of detaching:

* Detach my loved one’s self from their actions in my head.
* Detach myself from them. (Stay inside my hula hoop.)


* Don’t “nag”. Only makes them mad and me frustrated.

Taking care of myself

* Physical health, but maybe more importantly emotional and spiritual health. (Prayer and meditation.)
* Do nice things for myself. Give myself permission to enjoy life.
* Work the steps!
* Live one day at a time.
* Attitude of gratitude.

Surround myself with support

* Go to meetings.
* Call friends / sponsor.
* Read the literature.

The last few months weren’t the best time of my life, but they also were, by far, not the worst. Using the tools and principles of the Al-Anon program, I made a life that didn’t depend on my loved one’s sobriety. But also, it didn’t exclude her, and I was able to be there on that day when she woke up in the morning and said “I don’t want to drink today,]]>
The Recovery Show 285 54:29
Acronyms and Alliterations – Episode 284 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/acronyms-and-alliterations-episode-284/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/acronyms-and-alliterations-episode-284/#comments Wed, 27 Mar 2019 04:45:15 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4507 Do you QTIP? Have you practiced the 3 A's? Spencer and Eric, with support from many listeners, talk about some of the acronyms (such as HALT or FEAR) and alliterations (3 C's, 4 M's) that help us to remember the important principles of the program. As Eric says, “these are like pocket change — they're … Continue reading "Acronyms and Alliterations – Episode 284"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/acronyms-and-alliterations-episode-284/feed/ 1 Do you QTIP? Have you practiced the 3 A's? Spencer and Eric, with support from many listeners, talk about some of the acronyms (such as HALT or FEAR) and alliterations (3 C's, 4 M's) that help us to remember the important principles of the program. Do you QTIP? Have you practiced the 3 A's? Spencer and Eric, with support from many listeners, talk about some of the acronyms (such as HALT or FEAR) and alliterations (3 C's, 4 M's) that help us to remember the important principles of the program. As Eric says, “these are like pocket change — they're easy to pick up and use.”
Acronyms



* FEAR – Face everything and recover
* PAUSE – Please assist until serenity enters
* FEAR – False evidence appearing real
* LOVE – Let others voluntarily evolve

* Al-anon “gifts” in From Survival to Recovery
* Force vs Power, episode 249
* Eric: I can’t “love my alcoholic sober” or “hug my addict straight”
* “Let go and let God”


* JADE – (don’t) Justify, argue, defend, or explain

* Would you rather be right or happy? (episode 276)
* Courage to Change, June 6


* WAIT – Why am I talking (thinking)

* Neutral responses (scroll to the bottom of episode 249)


* HALT(S)
* NUTS – Not Using The Steps (Slogans)
* TRUST – try really using step three!
* THINK is it..?: Thoughtful. Honest. Intelligent. Necessary. Kind.

* One Day at a Time in Al-Anon pg. 20
* Slogans Part 1 (episode 131)
* The Step 10 discussion in Paths to Recovery


* HOPE: Happy. Our. Program. Exists.

* One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.94
* Hope, episode 65
* Do you believe? (episode 270)


* DETACH: Don’t. Even. Think. About. Changing. Him/Her.

* One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.29
* Consequences (episode 245)
* Enabling or empowering (episode 261)
* Detachment (episodes 12, 188)


* HOW: Honest. Open. Willing.

* Willingness – Episode 216


* STEPS: Solutions. To. Every. Problem.

* One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.297
* In All Our Affairs (Episode 201)


* QTIP: Quit. Taking. It. Personally.

* One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.55


* FINE
* PISO: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
* Eric would write this on his hand.
* GOD: Good Orderly Direction
* UTT: Use the tools
* ODAT: One Day at a time
* ANGER = A Negative Grudge Endangers Recovery
* ASK = Ask Seek Knock
* CHANGE = Choosing Honesty Allows New Growth Everyday
* COOL = Creative Opportunities Offer Love
* EGO = Easing God Out
* FAITH = Finding Answers In The Heart
* FEAR = Forgetting Everything Is Alright
* FEAR = Future Events Aren’t Real
* FROG = Fully Relying On God
* GIFTS = Getting It From The Steps
* HOPE = Helping Ourselves Purge Emptiness
* HOW = Honest, Open, Willing
* MYOB = Mind Your Own Business
* PUSH = Pray Until Something Happens



Alliterations

* 3 A’s – Awareness, Acceptance, Action
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The Recovery Show 284 1:37:10
March Roundup 2019 – Episode 283 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/march-roundup-2019-episode-283/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/march-roundup-2019-episode-283/#respond Tue, 12 Mar 2019 00:35:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4500 Have you attended an AA or Al-Anon convention? My wife and I went to the March Roundup in Detroit, so I thought I'd give you a little trip report. If you haven't been to a convention, I encourage you to find one near you and go. Not only is it fun, but a weekend of … Continue reading "March Roundup 2019 – Episode 283"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/march-roundup-2019-episode-283/feed/ 0 Have you attended an AA or Al-Anon convention? My wife and I went to the March Roundup in Detroit, so I thought I'd give you a little trip report. If you haven't been to a convention, I encourage you to find one near you and go. Not only is it fun, Have you attended an AA or Al-Anon convention? My wife and I went to the March Roundup in Detroit, so I thought I'd give you a little trip report. If you haven't been to a convention, I encourage you to find one near you and go. Not only is it fun, but a weekend of concentrated recovery can really energize your own program.
Readings and Links
Jenn mentioned episode 161, Dancing with Dementia, in her email.
Jennifer asked about sponsorship. We've got a couple of episodes: Sponsorship (25) and Sponsorship Round Table (32), but maybe it's time to do another.
The March Roundup program can be found online if you're interested.
Upcoming
Our topic for next week is Acronyms and Alliterattions. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your favorite acronym (QTIP?) or alliteration (4 M's?), and why.

Music from the show
Sia: Chandelier

 
 
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The Recovery Show 283 31:46
Mary Pearl T on Step 7 – Episode 282 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/mary-pearl-t-on-step-7-episode-282/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/mary-pearl-t-on-step-7-episode-282/#respond Tue, 05 Mar 2019 01:12:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4497 Please enjoy Mary Pearl T's thoughts on Step 7, “Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.” Upcoming Upcoming topics include “acronyms and alliterations”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your favorite Al-Anon acronym, such as QTIP (quit taking it personally), or an alliteration such as the 3 C's (didn't cause it, … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Step 7 – Episode 282"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/mary-pearl-t-on-step-7-episode-282/feed/ 0 Please enjoy Mary Pearl T's thoughts on Step 7, “Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.” Upcoming Upcoming topics include “acronyms and alliterations”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. Please enjoy Mary Pearl T's thoughts on Step 7, “Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.”
Upcoming
Upcoming topics include “acronyms and alliterations”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your favorite Al-Anon acronym, such as QTIP (quit taking it personally), or an alliteration such as the 3 C's (didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it).
 
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The Recovery Show 282 26:55
How do you trust? – Episode 281 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/how-do-you-trust-episode-281/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/how-do-you-trust-episode-281/#respond Tue, 26 Feb 2019 01:39:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4489 When do you decide to trust (or not to trust) someone? How do we trust others in the program? What fears might stop us from trusting? What is trust? (noun) firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (verb) believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of. How do … Continue reading "How do you trust? – Episode 281"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/how-do-you-trust-episode-281/feed/ 0 When do you decide to trust (or not to trust) someone? How do we trust others in the program? What fears might stop us from trusting? What is trust? (noun) firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. When do you decide to trust (or not to trust) someone?
How do we trust others in the program?
What fears might stop us from trusting?

* What is trust?

* (noun) firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
* (verb) believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.


* How do we come to trust someone?

* The marble jar analogy.


* Brené Brown on trust: (https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/)

* We often think trust is built by grand gestures at crucial moments in our lives, but trust is typically built with simplicity and small actions. After looking at the research Brown said, “It’s very clear. Trust is built in very small moments.”
* Charles Feltman had the “most beautiful definition of trust,” which was “Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” “Feltman says that distrust is what I’ve shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you,”


* What are some of the “marbles” of trust that I found in the program?

* Open, honest, vulnerable sharing
* “Nodding” — “I’ve been there. I know what it feels like.”
* Members being there week after week.
* No judgement.
* Keeping confidences.


* What are some “marbles” of distrust?

* Unsolicited advice.
* Someone assuming they know what I feel.
* Breaking confidence (rare in my experience)


* Brené Brown’s acronym: BRAVING (https://www.kennethmd.com/the-anatomy-of-trust-by-brene-brown/ )

* Boundaries
* Reliability
* Accountability
* Vault
* Integrity
* Non-judgement
* Generosity


* Tradition 12 “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.”

* Anonymity is the basis of the trust that makes the program possible.



Readings and Links
We read from Courage to Change, April 3
We recommend the new book from Al-Anon, Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships
A listener spoke of her experience in Recovering Couples Anonymous.
Another listener suggest a topic of “intuition vs fear”, which reminded me of episode 61, Intuition or God's Will? 
Upcoming
Our topic for next week is Mary Pearl T on Step 7. Also upcoming is an episode on Acronyms and Alliterations. Acronyms like HALT, FEAR. Alliterations like the 3 A's or 4 M's. What is your favorite? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com and share your favorite (and why). Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brené Brown, The Anatomy of Trust
Etta James: Trust In Me

Christina Perri: Trust

 
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The Recovery Show 281 47:27
S-Anon – Episode 280 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/s-anon-episode-280/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/s-anon-episode-280/#comments Tue, 19 Feb 2019 12:45:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4482 Brian joins The Recovery Show to talk about his experience in S-Anon. What is S-Anon? It is a 12-step program, similar to Al-Anon, for those who have been affected by another person's sexual addiction. Brian introduces the S-Anon program, and talks about his personal experience of finding recovery in that program. We look at ways … Continue reading "S-Anon – Episode 280"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/s-anon-episode-280/feed/ 3 Brian joins The Recovery Show to talk about his experience in S-Anon. What is S-Anon? It is a 12-step program, similar to Al-Anon, for those who have been affected by another person's sexual addiction. Brian introduces the S-Anon program, Brian joins The Recovery Show to talk about his experience in S-Anon. What is S-Anon? It is a 12-step program, similar to Al-Anon, for those who have been affected by another person's sexual addiction.
Brian introduces the S-Anon program, and talks about his personal experience of finding recovery in that program. We look at ways in which his experience parallels mine in the Al-Anon program, and how it is different. (Spoiler: it's probably more alike than different, but it takes us a while to get there.)
Readings and Links
Brian read “The S-Anon Problem“.
If you want to know more about S-Anon, or to find a meeting, visit www.sanon.org.
These books were mentioned: Intimacy in Alcoholic RelationshipsFrom Survival to Recovery, and Hope for Today.
Upcoming
Upcoming topics for next week include acronyms and alliterations. What's your favorite Al-Anon acronym? An alliteration that is meaningful to you? (3 C's, 4 M's?) Share what and, most importantly, why. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brandi Carlile: Every Time I Hear That Song

The Avett Brothers: Ain't No Man

The Avett Brothers: True Sadness

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The Recovery Show 280 1:09:14
Do you like yourself? – Episode 279 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/do-you-like-yourself-episode-279/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/do-you-like-yourself-episode-279/#respond Wed, 13 Feb 2019 03:20:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4466 Do you like yourself? Can you love yourself? Can you trust yourself? In a recent meeting, the topic was Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” One member shared that she often had a hard time even liking herself, and that this was a … Continue reading "Do you like yourself? – Episode 279"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/do-you-like-yourself-episode-279/feed/ 0 Do you like yourself? Can you love yourself? Can you trust yourself? In a recent meeting, the topic was Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” One member shared that she often had a hard time... Do you like yourself?
Can you love yourself?
Can you trust yourself?
In a recent meeting, the topic was Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” One member shared that she often had a hard time even liking herself, and that this was a barrier to working Step 5. If she hated herself for some of the things she had done, how could she ever admit them out loud?
I definitely identified with that feeling. There are some events in my life that I felt a lot of shame about. That I did not admit in my first 5th step. One, in particular, that I didn’t admit in my second 5th step, had haunted me for over 30 years. Every time I remembered that incident, a flush of shame and self-loathing washed over me. Finally, probably after a meeting in which the reading included the saying that “we are only as sick as our secrets,” I realized I had to talk about it. I met with the person I had done that 5th step with and said “I’ve got some more.”
It wasn’t easy. I had admitted it to my Higher Power and to myself, but never to another person. But it was something I felt I had to do. The amazing thing is that since that time, the memory of this event has lost its power over me! I’m still not pleased that it happened, but I don’t feel the shame that it used to impose on me. That hard admission brought me some peace and some more love and compassion for myself. Even for the 40-years-younger me that made a really poor decision (doing the best with what he had.)
And then, a day later, the sermon topic was “Trust Thyself”. Oh, boy, there’s a message: loving myself and trusting myself, all in the same weekend. You know, the feelings I have that lead me to not like myself and to not trust myself are very similar. You’ve probably heard those messages from the judgey part of yourself, too: “You’re not good enough.” “You can’t do it right.” “You can’t do it at all.” “You’re always wrong.” “You’re so stupid.” “What were you thinking? I can’t believe you’d do that!” And so on, and so on.
In her sermon, our minister presented the “4 Cs” of trusting yourself. Well, I’m a sucker for alliterations, so I perked right up! What are these 4 Cs?
Clarity: Seeing ourselves and the world for what we (and it) really are. In the program, this is Step 4 (probably 5, 6, and 7 too.) Also, Steps 8 and 9 bring more clarity.
Connection: Get out of my isolation. I know that I can’t always see myself clearly, and I need someone else to help me. In other words, go to a meeting, call a friend, get a sponsor (and use them!) And, of course, there’s the connection to a Higher Power we find in Steps 2 and 3!
Compassion: This is also about getting out of myself. When I can have compassion for other people, and when I can identify with their fears and pain, but also their joys and successes, then I can start to see the same in myself. And I can start to have compassion for myself. I would never talk to someone else the way that I sometimes talk to myself.
Commitment: Make a commitment to keep away from the negative self-talk, to continue to work on the first 3 Cs. Step 10 is my commitment to continuing to seek clarity. Steps 11 and 12 are commitments to connection and compassion.
Yup, there’s the recovery part of the program (steps 2-12) captured in 4 Cs. How did this work in my Step 5 experience?
I gained clarity by taking an inventory of the incident. What was motivating me? Which of my needs were involved? I began to understand the “exact nature of my wrongs” in this incident. In talking with my friend, I got a little more clarity as I explained what happened, but I also made connection with another person — I was not alone. That person’s loving acceptance of my sharing deepened that connection, and assured me that I was not a broken person.]]>
The Recovery Show 279 57:02
What do we do here? – Episode 278 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/what-do-we-do-here-episode-278/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/what-do-we-do-here-episode-278/#comments Tue, 05 Feb 2019 03:55:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4459 What is this podcast about? We’re not Al-Anon, exactly. What are we? I got a letter from a listener who asked some questions. It made me think that maybe it's time (again?) to talk about what The Recovery Show is, and what it isn't. Why did we create The Recovery Show? We had been sharing … Continue reading "What do we do here? – Episode 278"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/what-do-we-do-here-episode-278/feed/ 1 What is this podcast about? We’re not Al-Anon, exactly. What are we? I got a letter from a listener who asked some questions. It made me think that maybe it's time (again?) to talk about what The Recovery Show is, and what it isn't. What is this podcast about? We’re not Al-Anon, exactly. What are we?
I got a letter from a listener who asked some questions. It made me think that maybe it's time (again?) to talk about what The Recovery Show is, and what it isn't.

* Why did we create The Recovery Show?

* We had been sharing Al-Anon ESH on Recovered podcast.
* We wanted to bring Al-Anon message “full time”.


* What is our intent?

* Share our and others’ experiences in recovery.
* Illustrate how Al-Anon recovery works in *our* lives.
* Explore recovery concepts.
* Explain the Al-Anon program.


* Some questions and observations from the email:

* “do you ever worry that your seemingly more “relaxed” discussions might lead to confusion among the listeners and to inadvertent undermining of normal operations of meetings?”
* “Service and “The Rules” is not a ratings winner, but maybe there is some way to explore it that gives it the proper context and proportion.”
* “when I encountered The Recovery Show I was struck by the ways it more closely tracked the familiar 12-Step meeting format, but also the ways in which it appeared to depart from that model.”
* “my program-monitor-radar-alarm went off, particularly about what I perceived as cross-talk.”
* “The Recovery Show is decidedly NOT holding itself out as an Al-Anon Family Group”


* What we do here is very much like the conversations we might have when we go out for coffee after a meeting, or when meeting with a sponsor, or (in my case) in at least one of the AWOL groups I have been a part of.
* I have attended a few “cross talk” meetings in my time in the program, and what we do here is similar to the best of those.

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Calexico: Gift X-Change

Paul Kelly: To Her Door

 
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The Recovery Show 278 42:22
Bob S Jr Talk – Episode 277 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/bob-s-jr-talk-episode-277/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/bob-s-jr-talk-episode-277/#respond Tue, 29 Jan 2019 02:35:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4447 The son of “Doctor Bob”, Bob S., Jr., in a talk from an Al-Anon conference in 2003. A listener wrote about coincidences and recommended episode 489 of This American Life, “No Coincidence, No Story!” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment … Continue reading "Bob S Jr Talk – Episode 277"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/bob-s-jr-talk-episode-277/feed/ 0 The son of “Doctor Bob”, Bob S., Jr., in a talk from an Al-Anon conference in 2003. A listener wrote about coincidences and recommended episode 489 of This American Life, “No Coincidence, No Story!” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@ther... A listener wrote about coincidences and recommended episode 489 of This American Life, “No Coincidence, No Story!”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Michael Kiwanuka: Rule the World

Soul Asylum: Runaway Train

Pops Staples: Somebody was Watching

 
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The Recovery Show 277 1:18:01
Would you rather be right or happy? – Episode 276 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/would-you-rather-be-right-or-happy-episode-276/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/would-you-rather-be-right-or-happy-episode-276/#respond Mon, 21 Jan 2019 20:33:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4404 What is your first thought when you hear this question? Do you believe that “right” is “truth” and that there is only one possible “right answer” (way to do something, opinion about a topic, etc.)? Do you have “black and white” thinking? Why? What would it take to see the world in shades of gray … Continue reading "Would you rather be right or happy? – Episode 276"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/would-you-rather-be-right-or-happy-episode-276/feed/ 0 What is your first thought when you hear this question? Do you believe that “right” is “truth” and that there is only one possible “right answer” (way to do something, opinion about a topic, etc.)? Do you have “black and white” thinking? Why?

* What is your first thought when you hear this question?
* Do you believe that “right” is “truth” and that there is only one possible “right answer” (way to do something, opinion about a topic, etc.)?
* Do you have “black and white” thinking?

* Why?


* What would it take to see the world in shades of gray (or colors)?  Red is no more “right” than blue, for example.
* What does the word “happy” mean in this context?
* When has holding onto a position hurt more than letting go would have hurt?
* Is Right and Happy possible?  Sometimes. But in dealing with difficult people, sometimes, it’s just not worth the fight, conflict, escalation…
* A lotta references to “conflict” and controversy are relevant in readings, and traditions, as well as arguments.
* Can you “Live and Let Live” even if you are “right”?
* Have you come to learn that most times, “urgent things are seldom Important, and Important things are seldom urgent”? (calling 911 for a paper cut…)
* Slogans

* How Important is it?
* This Too Shall Pass
* Is It Worth My Serenity?


* Perspective episode also comes to mind, and First Things First… And Force vs Power
* Sayings;

* QTIP
* Don’t

* Take the bait
* Pick up the rope
* Be a willing participant in a toxic dance


* “I don’t need to win anything today…”



Readings and Links
We opened with a reading from Courage to Change, October 29. We also mentioned the June 3 reading.
We read from How Al-Anon Works on dealing with conflict (p. 98 in the soft cover edition), and Eric read about acceptance from …In All Our Affairs, p. 96.
We were inspired by a Psychology Today article Right vs. Happy. And Eric ended with a quote from Chief Joseph.
Coming next
Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email
feedback@therecoveryshow.com
with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
John Mayer: Heartbreak Warfare

Billy Joel: You May be Right

Pharell Williams: Happy

 
 
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The Recovery Show 276 1:08:49
Kate C grew up with alcoholism – Episode 275 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/kate-c-grew-up-with-alcoholism-episode-275/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/kate-c-grew-up-with-alcoholism-episode-275/#respond Fri, 18 Jan 2019 11:31:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4395 Kate C shares her story, experience, strength, and hope. She grew up with an alcoholic mother, in a family that separated when she was 8. She didn't feel safe as a child and so decided she needed to take care of her siblings, especially her younger brother. The “isms” she learned in this environment came … Continue reading "Kate C grew up with alcoholism – Episode 275"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/kate-c-grew-up-with-alcoholism-episode-275/feed/ 0 Kate C shares her story, experience, strength, and hope. She grew up with an alcoholic mother, in a family that separated when she was 8. She didn't feel safe as a child and so decided she needed to take care of her siblings, Kate C shares her story, experience, strength, and hope. She grew up with an alcoholic mother, in a family that separated when she was 8. She didn't feel safe as a child and so decided she needed to take care of her siblings, especially her younger brother. The “isms” she learned in this environment came with her into adulthood and almost destroyed her relationship with her boyfriend, which finally brought her to Al-Anon. She says that Al-Anon has given her the coping skills her parents never taught her. It helped her to put a space between herself and her defects. She is finding “God in the pause.” Now, she and her husband work their own programs, and can check in with each other and have a little meeting whenever they feel the need.
Readings and Links
Kate read from Courage to Change, January 13.
She mentioned an online Skype meeting, Sundays at 7PM Eastern European Time. You can get information to join the meeting by emailing sundayalanononline@gmail.com.
A listener wrote that the books A Beautiful Boy and Tweak have been made into a movie, also titled A Beautiful Boy, which is available on Amazon Prime Video.
Coming up
Our topic for next week is would you rather be right or happy? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Joshua Radin: Today

Justin Bieber: Life is Worth Living

Keala Settle: This is Me (from The Greatest Showman)

And a sort of “making of” video that brought tears to my eyes.

Trailer for A Beautiful Boy

 
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The Recovery Show 275 1:22:05
Mary Pearl T on Step 6 – Episode 274 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/mary-pearl-t-on-step-6-episode-274/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/mary-pearl-t-on-step-6-episode-274/#respond Wed, 09 Jan 2019 03:55:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4390 What does it mean to be “entirely ready”? How can we trust our higher power to remove our defects of character? Mary Pearl T continues her workshop with Step 6, Became entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character. How is her anger like a volcano? And why is she talking about … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Step 6 – Episode 274"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/mary-pearl-t-on-step-6-episode-274/feed/ 0 What does it mean to be “entirely ready”? How can we trust our higher power to remove our defects of character? Mary Pearl T continues her workshop with Step 6, Became entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character. What does it mean to be “entirely ready”? How can we trust our higher power to remove our defects of character?
Mary Pearl T continues her workshop with Step 6, Became entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character.
How is her anger like a volcano? And why is she talking about towing cars?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 274 31:58
The Year in Recovery 2018 – Episode 273 http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/the-year-in-recovery-2018-episode-273/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/the-year-in-recovery-2018-episode-273/#respond Wed, 02 Jan 2019 03:28:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4382 I hear from you about what happened in your recovery in 2018, and what you are aspiring to in 2019. Readings and links I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 1 and December 31. Callers and I referred to several episodes of this podcast: 219, 3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis 29, Progress, not Perfection … Continue reading "The Year in Recovery 2018 – Episode 273"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/the-year-in-recovery-2018-episode-273/feed/ 0 I hear from you about what happened in your recovery in 2018, and what you are aspiring to in 2019. Readings and links I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 1 and December 31. Callers and I referred to several episodes of this podcast: 219,... I hear from you about what happened in your recovery in 2018, and what you are aspiring to in 2019.
Readings and links
I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 1 and December 31.
Callers and I referred to several episodes of this podcast:

* 219, 3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis
* 29, Progress, not Perfection
* 231, Begin in Stillness
* 78, Stay or Go?
* 242, Don't React
* 120, Authority and Responsibility

A correspondent mentioned the “Obstacles to Success in Al-Anon“. While looking for this text, I found an online meeting called A Serenity Place.
Contribute to the show
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
MILCK: Black Sheep

Julien Baker: Turn out the Lights

John Prine: Hello in There

 
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The Recovery Show 273 1:11:41
Peace in the Darkness – Episode 272 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/peace-in-the-darkness-episode-272/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/peace-in-the-darkness-episode-272/#respond Wed, 26 Dec 2018 04:25:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4371 Do you feel that you are lost in the dark? Do your fears become larger and more real in darkness? Can darkness ever provide comfort and peace? My musings on darkness were inspired by but don't really follow this outline: End of the year Shortest day / longest night Darkness -> fear/anxiety We light candles, … Continue reading "Peace in the Darkness – Episode 272"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/peace-in-the-darkness-episode-272/feed/ 0 Do you feel that you are lost in the dark? Do your fears become larger and more real in darkness? Can darkness ever provide comfort and peace? My musings on darkness were inspired by but don't really follow this outline: End of the year Shortest day / ... Do you feel that you are lost in the dark? Do your fears become larger and more real in darkness? Can darkness ever provide comfort and peace?
My musings on darkness were inspired by but don't really follow this outline:

* End of the year
* Shortest day / longest night
* Darkness -> fear/anxiety
* We light candles, fires, or decorate trees and houses with lots of lights to drive away the darkness.
* We also find comfort and peace in the quiet dark.
* We sleep in the dark.
* Darkness of the tomb.
* Darkness of the womb.
* When do we fear the dark?

* We can’t see what is around us, threatening us.
* We can’t see the way out/forward.
* Shadows and shapes become monsters.


* When is darkness welcomed?

* When we want to sleep.
* To hide away the annoyances of our life.
* So we can see the stars.
* We close our eyes to meditate or pray so we are not distracted.
* I can open myself up to others because I don’t have to see their reaction and they can’t see mine.


* When I was living with alcoholism but without recovery, life seemed very dark. I could not see a “way out”. And in the actual darkness, in the quiet of the night when I couldn’t sleep, my problems, my anxieties, my fears, my hopelessness were magnified. They were monsters coming out from under the bed, from the closet, to attack me. In that time of my life, darkness was not a friend, darkness was to be feared.

Readings
One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, March 3.
How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 38.
Our topic for next week is twofold: How did recovery work in your life this year? And what aspirations and intentions do you have for the coming year? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
War: Slippin Into Darkness

Simon and Garfunkel: Sound of Silence

The Five Satins: In the Still of the Night

Lauren Daigle: You Say

 
 
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The Recovery Show 272 36:34
Mary Pearl T on Step 5 – Episode 271 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/mary-pearl-t-on-step-5-episode-271/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/mary-pearl-t-on-step-5-episode-271/#respond Tue, 18 Dec 2018 04:33:50 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4362 Why does Step 5 ask us to share “the exact nature of our wrongs”? What do we gain from this? Continuing our series of talks by Mary Pearl T, we come to Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” I hope that her openness, … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Step 5 – Episode 271"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/mary-pearl-t-on-step-5-episode-271/feed/ 0 Why does Step 5 ask us to share “the exact nature of our wrongs”? What do we gain from this? Continuing our series of talks by Mary Pearl T, we come to Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Why does Step 5 ask us to share “the exact nature of our wrongs”? What do we gain from this?



Continuing our series of talks by Mary Pearl T, we come to Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” I hope that her openness, honesty, and humor enlarge your understanding of this step that is so critical to our recovery.




Links



Karen shared her understanding of Andrew Wyeth's painting “Christina's World”, and sent a link.



She also quoted from From Survival to Recovery, one of the “gifts of Al-Anon.”



Amy wrote about the book Undrunk, A Skeptic's Guide to AA, and the insights she gained from it.



Music



Halsey: Without Me









Bing Crosby: Count your Blessings (from White Christmas)









Bear’s Den: Agape






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The Recovery Show 271 36:54
Do you Believe? – Episode 270 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/do-you-believe-episode-270/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/do-you-believe-episode-270/#comments Tue, 11 Dec 2018 06:24:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4348 Do you believe all things happen for a reason?Do you believe that God can do for us things that we can’t do for ourselves?Do you believe in coincidence, or that there is no such thing as coincidence? What “higher power moments” have you experienced? (Step 2 moments)What happens when you view them as miracles rather … Continue reading "Do you Believe? – Episode 270"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/do-you-believe-episode-270/feed/ 3 Do you believe all things happen for a reason?Do you believe that God can do for us things that we can’t do for ourselves?Do you believe in coincidence, or that there is no such thing as coincidence? What “higher power moments” have you experienced?



Do you believe all things happen for a reason?Do you believe that God can do for us things that we can’t do for ourselves?Do you believe in coincidence, or that there is no such thing as coincidence?



What “higher power moments” have you experienced? (Step 2 moments)What happens when you view them as miracles rather than coincidences?When have you said “I have no idea how that happened?” (and were grateful for it!)



Today, we're talking about miracles, coincidences, and belief. We share some of our own and some of yours. We might follow this outline:



* Definitions of “miracle”*

* a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.

*

* a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences.

*

* Scrabble points: 11 (http://www.dvorkin.com/scrabscor.php)

* Definitions of “coincidence”*

* a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection

*

* Scrabble points: 18

* What miracles have you experienced in your life?* In your recovery (if different).* When you view a positive, unexplained event as a miracle instead of a coincidence, how does that change your experience? * How does it change you?* “When I seek, I find; when I look, I notice.”



Readings and links



* How Al-Anon Works, Step 12* Hope for Today, July 29.* Quote from Einstein* Psychology Today: How to Use Meaningful Coincidences* Wikipedia article about Miracles.* Books about God Winks.* The podcast episode about our first meetings.



Music and video clips



Miracle on 34th Street: clip “Susie Believes”









The Polar Express









The Loving Spoonful: Do You Believe in Magic






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The Recovery Show 270 1:24:19
Gratitude 2018 – Episode 269 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/gratitude-2018-episode-269/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/gratitude-2018-episode-269/#comments Tue, 27 Nov 2018 03:15:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4341 What are you grateful for in 2018? Sure, I can write a gratitude list. I am grateful for those of you who sent in your expressions of gratitude. Readings I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, May 5. Kelly recommended a book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson. Cristianne ordered Knock Knock … Continue reading "Gratitude 2018 – Episode 269"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/gratitude-2018-episode-269/feed/ 1 What are you grateful for in 2018? Sure, I can write a gratitude list. I am grateful for those of you who sent in your expressions of gratitude. Readings I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, May 5. Kelly recommended a book, What are you grateful for in 2018?
Sure, I can write a gratitude list. I am grateful for those of you who sent in your expressions of gratitude.
Readings
I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, May 5.
Kelly recommended a book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson.
Cristianne ordered Knock Knock Okay Fine, I'm Grateful! Inner-Truth Journal.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Sly & the Family Stone: Thankful n' Thoughtful

ZZ Top: I Thank You

Earth, Wind & Fire: Gratitude

 
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The Recovery Show 269 42:01
Mary Pearl T on Step 4 – Episode 268 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/mary-pearl-t-on-step-4-episode-268/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/mary-pearl-t-on-step-4-episode-268/#comments Sat, 17 Nov 2018 19:50:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4325 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.  

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/mary-pearl-t-on-step-4-episode-268/feed/ 3 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 268 29:12
What about Gratitude – Episode 267 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/what-about-gratitude-episode-267/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/what-about-gratitude-episode-267/#respond Tue, 06 Nov 2018 04:39:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4321 What about gratitude? How do you practice gratitude? Or, do you more often forget? At two meetings this week, I was reminded of the importance of practicing gratitude in my life. Saturday morning, we were working from the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, Blueprint for Progress. Once a month, we read a few questions from this … Continue reading "What about Gratitude – Episode 267"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/what-about-gratitude-episode-267/feed/ 0 What about gratitude? How do you practice gratitude? Or, do you more often forget? At two meetings this week, I was reminded of the importance of practicing gratitude in my life. Saturday morning, we were working from the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, What about gratitude? How do you practice gratitude? Or, do you more often forget?
At two meetings this week, I was reminded of the importance of practicing gratitude in my life. Saturday morning, we were working from the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, Blueprint for Progress. Once a month, we read a few questions from this book and each share our own responses. This month, in the chapter titled Character Traits, we examined our responses to the questions under the heading of Thankful / Ungrateful. The questions are:

* Am I thankful for present blessings?
* Have I ever made a list of things I am grateful for?
* Do I take time to express my thanks to my Higher Power?

These questions made me stop and think, because I realized that I had fallen away from a daily practice of gratitude.
Some gems from the sharing: Gratitude jar, “Gratitude is an antidote to fear”
And then, Sunday night, we read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, the November 4th reading. (read it) For me, this reading highlights an opposite trait to gratitude. When I focus on the things that I am dissatisfied with, I find myself in a self-reinforcing attitude. Al-Anon gives me tools to move out of that place, if I choose to use them.
As we move into November, and the US season of Thanksgiving, my thoughts eventually turn to the things I am thankful for.
What are you thankful for? Are you thankful for present blessings? Do you make lists of thinkgs you are grateful for? Do you take time to express your gratitude to your Higher Power? Call or write us with your responses, and your sharing will be included in a Thanksgiving episode Gratitude 2018.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Or visit our contact page for all the ways you can share in our conversation.
 
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The Recovery Show 267 30:39
Singleness of Purpose – Episode 266 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/singleness-of-purpose-episode-266/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/singleness-of-purpose-episode-266/#respond Tue, 30 Oct 2018 17:00:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4316 Why do we gather in Al-Anon groups? How do we maintain our singleness of purpose? It’s been hard this week not to lose hope and to give in to despair about the divisiveness and even hate that seems to be the norm for society today. It’s brought me to reflect again on how amazing this … Continue reading "Singleness of Purpose – Episode 266"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/singleness-of-purpose-episode-266/feed/ 0 Why do we gather in Al-Anon groups? How do we maintain our singleness of purpose? It’s been hard this week not to lose hope and to give in to despair about the divisiveness and even hate that seems to be the norm for society today. Why do we gather in Al-Anon groups? How do we maintain our singleness of purpose?
It’s been hard this week not to lose hope and to give in to despair about the divisiveness and even hate that seems to be the norm for society today. It’s brought me to reflect again on how amazing this program of recovery is. We come together in Al-Anon for one purpose: to recover from the effects of someone’s drinking or addiction on our own lives. This is the only reason we are here, and somehow we manage to keep the disagreements and debates out. How does this work?
Al-Anon has 12 traditions that help to guide us in how we conduct our meetings and ourselves in reaching for recovery. Several of these relate to this concept of “singleness of purpose.” These are:
Tradition 5, which defines that purpose: “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.”
Tradition 3 says that this is our only reason for coming together: “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”
Traditions 6, 8, and 10 set some boundaries on how we express our singleness of purpose.
6: Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems … divert us from our primary spiritual aim.
8: Al-Anon Twelfth-Step work should remain forever nonprofessional…
10: The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues…
Let’s look at some these, guided by questions from the book Paths to Recovery.
Tradition 5

* How do I describe our primary purpose?
* How can I guide [newcomers] to focus on the alcohol-related aspects of [their] problems?
* What does comfort mean to me? How can I extend that to another person?

Tradition 3

* Do I welcome all who attend our meeting even if they are different from me…?
* Do I treat each member and potential member with unconditional love?
* How can my group welcome members of other programs and maintain our Al-Anon focus?
* Do I leave my other affiliations and interests outside the doors of Al-Anon?
* How can I treat others with tolerance, acceptance and love?

Tradition 6:

* Why do we not “endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise”?
* How can I discourage members, without embarrassing them, from bring outside enterprises into our meetings.

Tradition 8:

* Do I willingly share my ESH with those who are suffering from the family disease of alcoholism?
* How can I share with others without trying to fix them?
* At meetings to I speak as an export or as a fellow member?

Tradition 10:

* How do I concentrate on our common bonds rather than on our differences?
* If someone does bring up what I think is an outside issue, how can I gently bring discussion back to our Al-Anon approach?
* Am I defensive because someone doesn’t agree with me?  How do I respond?

Readings and links
I read from Courage to Change, February 21.
I mentioned Anne Lamott's book Help, Thanks, Wow, which I also talked about in episode 111, Prayer.
A correspondent talked about how helpful the book Choosing to Forgive by Diane DeLong Clark had been for her.
Upcoming
An upcoming topic is about miracles or coincidences. Maybe you call them a “Step 2 experience”.How have you experienced miracles or coincidences as messages from your higher power? Big or small?]]>
The Recovery Show 266 51:03
In all our affairs: Step 1 plus dementia – Episode 265 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/in-all-our-affairs-step-1-plus-dementia-episode-265/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/in-all-our-affairs-step-1-plus-dementia-episode-265/#comments Tue, 23 Oct 2018 02:56:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4307 Step 12 asks us to “practice these principles in all our affairs”. This has led me to a new insight into how Step 1 is active in my life today. In a recent meeting, we read the Step 1 chapter from our book Paths to Recovery. I had recently returned from visiting my parents. I suddenly … Continue reading "In all our affairs: Step 1 plus dementia – Episode 265"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/in-all-our-affairs-step-1-plus-dementia-episode-265/feed/ 3 Step 12 asks us to “practice these principles in all our affairs”. This has led me to a new insight into how Step 1 is active in my life today. In a recent meeting, we read the Step 1 chapter from our book Paths to Recovery. Step 12 asks us to “practice these principles in all our affairs”. This has led me to a new insight into how Step 1 is active in my life today.
In a recent meeting, we read the Step 1 chapter from our book Paths to Recovery. I had recently returned from visiting my parents. I suddenly realized that if I substituted the word “dementia” for “alcoholism”, that the step took on new relevance to my life.
I got a suggestion for a topic of miracles or maybe coincidences. How have you experienced miracles or coincidences as messages from your higher power? Big or small? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com and share your experience, strength, and hope.
The producer of the podcast Recovered suffered a computer failure, and is asking for support to buy a new computer so he can continue to produce the podcast. If you have found value in Recovered, please consider making a donation at recoveredcast.com/donation.

Music from the show
Protomartyr: Ellen

Liz Longley: Unraveling

William Michael Morgan: I Know Who He Is

 
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The Recovery Show 265 44:49
Mary Pearl T on Step 3 – Episode 264 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-3-episode-264/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-3-episode-264/#comments Tue, 09 Oct 2018 01:59:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4304 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Step 3 – Episode 264"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-3-episode-264/feed/ 1 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 264 16:56
Mary Pearl T on Step 2 – Episode 263 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-2-episode-263/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-2-episode-263/#respond Tue, 02 Oct 2018 02:27:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4299 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Our topic for next week is Step 3. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Step 2 – Episode 263"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-2-episode-263/feed/ 0 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Our topic for next week is Step 3. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
Our topic for next week is Step 3. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 263 33:36
Karen B – Third time is the charm – Episode 262 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/karen-b-third-time-is-the-charm-episode-262/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/karen-b-third-time-is-the-charm-episode-262/#respond Wed, 26 Sep 2018 23:59:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4290 This week, Karen B tells her story and shares her experience, strength, and hope. Karen grew up in a loving family that nonetheless carried the family disease — in adult children of alcoholics. Her aunt took her to Alateen. She says she loved the slogans, but she didn't stick with it. In her early twenties, … Continue reading "Karen B – Third time is the charm – Episode 262"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/karen-b-third-time-is-the-charm-episode-262/feed/ 0 This week, Karen B tells her story and shares her experience, strength, and hope. Karen grew up in a loving family that nonetheless carried the family disease — in adult children of alcoholics. Her aunt took her to Alateen. This week, Karen B tells her story and shares her experience, strength, and hope. Karen grew up in a loving family that nonetheless carried the family disease — in adult children of alcoholics.
Her aunt took her to Alateen. She says she loved the slogans, but she didn't stick with it. In her early twenties, when she was dating the man who became her husband, she went to Al-Anon to see whether she thought he was an alcoholic. The stories she heard were so much worse than her experience, she decided he was not one. 5 years later, she came back, “propelled” into Al-Anon by the chaos in their home. This time, she grabbed onto the program as a lifeline.
Readings
Karen read from Courage to Change:

* July 5, Detachment
* March 15, Forgiveness

We talked about an Al-Anon pamphlet, “The Merry Go Round named Denial”, which seems to be out of print. I found a version of it on the internet.
Karen mentioned her “serenity cubes“.
Coming next
In the next couple weeks, because of my travel schedule, I will be sharing Mary Pearl T's talks about Step 2 and Step 3. Step 2 says “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”  Step 3 is “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Idina Menzel — Let It Go

Dave Matthews — The Best of What's Around

Madonna — Rebel Heart

 
The music we open and close the show with is Teleportationism by Nostalgic Afterlife. If you enjoy it, you should check out his other compositions on Bandcamp.
 
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The Recovery Show 262 1:15:28
Enabling or Empowering? – Episode 261 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/enabling-or-empowering-episode-261/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/enabling-or-empowering-episode-261/#comments Wed, 19 Sep 2018 03:19:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4278 How have you enabled your loved ones’ alcoholism? What is enabling, anyway? How do you know when you’re doing it and when you are empowering them, instead? What does the dictionary say? Merriam-Webster 1 a : to provide with the means or opportunity: training that enables people to earn a living b : to make … Continue reading "Enabling or Empowering? – Episode 261"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/enabling-or-empowering-episode-261/feed/ 3 How have you enabled your loved ones’ alcoholism? What is enabling, anyway? How do you know when you’re doing it and when you are empowering them, instead? What does the dictionary say? Merriam-Webster 1 a : to provide with the means or opportunity: tr... How have you enabled your loved ones’ alcoholism? What is enabling, anyway? How do you know when you’re doing it and when you are empowering them, instead?

* What does the dictionary say?
* Merriam-Webster

* 1 a : to provide with the means or opportunity: training that enables people to earn a living
* b : to make possible, practical, or easy: a deal that would enable passage of a new law
* c : to cause to operate: software that enables the keyboard
* 2 : to give legal power, capacity, or sanction to: a law enabling admission of a state


* From Urban Dictionary

* Enabling
Shielding a person from the consequences of a destructive behavior; Allowing a person's destructive behavior to persist by managing or minimizing the ill-effects of the behavior.”Enabling” vs. “Empowering”Enabling: supporting a person's behavior that (repeatedly/habitually) instigates a negative or destructive resultEmpowering: supporting a person's ability or effort in a positive or progressive endeavorEnabling can be as destructive as the behavior itself . . . a person enabling a destructive behavior is motivated by their need to do so and is gratified by reinforcing their superiority or control over that person; An “enabler” holds a person in an inferior state by denying them the motivation to change and therefore, the opportunity to grow.


* What does enabling mean to you?  How does that relate to the definitions we just read?
* Did you understand/head you heard of enabling before you came to Al-Anon?
* What are some ways in which you have enabled others' dysfunction/addiction/behavior?
* How can we (especially as parents) distinguish between supporting, helping, empowering, and enabling?

* Can we look at our motivations, expectations, fears?
* Slogans

* Let Go and Let God
* How Important is it?
* WAIT
* THINK


* Boundaries
* Detaching with love
* Clarity: “mine or not mine?”
* “When in doubt, don’t”
* Serenity prayer (knowing the difference)
* “Al-Anon pause”


* What are healthy ways to be supportive without enabling?

We read from or discussed these resources:

* Courage to Change, Jan 5 and Feb 1.
* How Al-Anon Works, chapter 26, “A Mother Lets Go And Lets God”.
* Wikipedia article “Enabling“.
* Psychology Today blog, “Are you empowering or enabling?
* Hazelden Betty Ford, “What is enabling?
* Through an Al-Anon Filter blog, “Helping or enabling?
* In All Our Affairs – p. 76 “Choosing not to enable”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Katy Perry: Circle the Drain

Jason Mraz: Beautiful Mess

Reba McEntire – She Can't Save Him

The music we open and close the show with is Teleportationism by Nostalgic Afterlife. If you enjoy it,]]>
The Recovery Show 261 1:14:38
Meditation on September – Episode 260 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/meditation-on-september-episode-260/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/meditation-on-september-episode-260/#respond Tue, 11 Sep 2018 01:26:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4271 Read a transcript of this episode.What does September mean to you? How do you handle times of transition? I've been thinking about September. I guess it started with my wife commenting, as we walked to the car, “This is the first sweater day.” She had that tone of voice, like it was the worst thing. … Continue reading "Meditation on September – Episode 260"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/meditation-on-september-episode-260/feed/ 0 Read a transcript of this episode.What does September mean to you? How do you handle times of transition? I've been thinking about September. I guess it started with my wife commenting, as we walked to the car, “This is the first sweater day. Read a transcript of this episode.What does September mean to you? How do you handle times of transition?
I've been thinking about September. I guess it started with my wife commenting, as we walked to the car, “This is the first sweater day.” She had that tone of voice, like it was the worst thing. But then she said, “I can be grateful that there’s a whole season yet to enjoy before winter.” And, that’s the thing about September. It’s the end of summer, at least here in Michigan. Sure, we’ll have some more hot days, but we know it’s trending colder until midwinter. For children (and others), it’s the end of vacation, but also the beginning of a new school year.
September is a time of transitions. It’s a time of saying goodbye and a time of saying hello. The weather is getting colder, and the trees will start turning beautiful colors. The sultry heat of summer will give way to brisk days with bright blue skies.
For many of us, it’s a time to regroup. A time to put away our summer clothes, and our summer playthings, and our summer lethargy. It’s a time to get the sweaters out of the closet, a time to get out the snow blower and make sure it works.
At my church, it’s a time we celebrate coming back together for another year. I will greet a new roomful of 7th grade youth as we begin our new journey of discovery and learning together. It is the beginning of the new year in the Jewish calendar (September 10-11 this year, 2018 on the common calendar, which is the start of year 5779 on the Hebrew calendar).
This year, September also marks a transition in the health and lives of my parents, and in the way I perceive their health and life. The first weekend of September, I drove to where my parents live, so that I could be with them for a few days, as my mother is in rehab with a broken leg that she suffered in a fall a couple weeks earlier. I have heard that stress can worsen dementia (which they both have to some degree). This certainly seemed to be true, or else I just hadn’t perceived the extent of their dementia in our visit earlier in the summer.
They both seemed confused about what had happened and what was happening. My mother did not understand why she couldn’t just go home. We had to explain that she was in the rehab facility to get better, and that she needed to stay there until she had healed enough to go home. She seemed to understand for a little while and then it was gone. My parents have been married for 66 years and have rarely been apart for more than a few days. Being separated is hard for them. Seeing their confusion and unhappiness is hard for us. Not being able to fix it is hard. Sometimes not knowing even what to say or do is hard.
Which is not to say that it’s all bad. She is recovering, regaining strength, improving in her ability to walk a few steps (with the help of a therapist and a walker!) We had some pleasant time visiting, looking at old photographs and identifying the people in them. I brought an old photo album to her room one day. It had tiny black and white photos (about 2 ½ inches the long way). She looked at the first one, which showed some sort of public event, and said “That’s Mrs. Roosevelt at the White House egg hunt!” She was there and may have taken the photo herself. We don’t know exactly what year it was taken, but it was likely in the late 1930s or early 1940s. There were photos of her and her brother with their parents, including a photo of her as a teen, posing in her bathing suit on the beach. She was a beauty.
It is a time of transition for them, and for us. This was a sharp awakening to the realities of their life in their late 80s. Visiting their home, and working to make it ready for her to come home, possibly in a wheelchair, also opened our eyes to how much they had been struggling to just live normally.]]>
The Recovery Show 260 41:55
Mary Pearl T, Step 1 – Episode 259 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/mary-pearl-t-step-1-episode-259/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/mary-pearl-t-step-1-episode-259/#comments Wed, 05 Sep 2018 04:08:15 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4261 Mary Pearl T shares on Step 1, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/mary-pearl-t-step-1-episode-259/feed/ 1 Mary Pearl T shares on Step 1, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 259 49:13
Perspective – Episode 258 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/perspective-episode-258/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/perspective-episode-258/#comments Tue, 28 Aug 2018 04:15:59 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4251 What does it mean to “place our problem in its true perspective”? Can a change in perspective change everything? Our suggested opening says “as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives”. What is perspective? From dictionary.com: the state of … Continue reading "Perspective – Episode 258"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/perspective-episode-258/feed/ 1 What does it mean to “place our problem in its true perspective”? Can a change in perspective change everything? Our suggested opening says “as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts a... What does it mean to “place our problem in its true perspective”? Can a change in perspective change everything?



* Our suggested opening says “as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives”.
* What is perspective?

* From dictionary.com:
* the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.
* the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship: Your data is admirably detailed but it lacks perspective.
* a mental view or prospect: the dismal perspective of terminally ill patients.
* a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance
* the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity: try to get some perspective on your troubles
* Scrabble points: 26


* Perception and attitude: perception is how i see things. Attitude is how I react. (http://sarahtauber.com/interesting-words/perception-vs-attitude-difference/ )
* How do I lose perspective?

* (Over) reacting in the moment.
* Dramatizing / awfulizing
* Minimizing (denial)
* Not looking at “the bigger picture”


* What happens when I lose perspective?
* How can I “put things in perspective” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201702/putting-things-in-perspective)

* Ask yourself what is the cost to you and others of your reaction?
* Observe and describe rather than judging.

* HALT (Am I hungry angry lonely, or tired?, WAIT (why am i talking), THINK (thoughtful, honest, intelligent, necessary, kind)


* What can you still do? (Serenity prayer, first things first)

* Pause
* Serenity prayer


* Ask how you will feel in a week? A month? A year?

* Regret, shame, guilt? 8th step list?
* How important will this seem in the future?


* Consider it as an inconvenience instead of the “end of the world.”
* “Rational” comes from “ratio” — consider proportion


* Making crisis work for us (https://al-anon.org/blog/affairs-making-crises-work/ )

* Breaking through denial
* Slowly rising awareness
* Sudden revelation


* TED talk “transformative power of classical music”  — Story (from The Art of Possibility) about shoe salesmen in Africa, opportunity, and perspective. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9LCwI5iErE\
* Program tools

* Serenity prayer
* Let go and let God
* How important is it?


* Quotes: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/perspectives and https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/different_perspective



Readings
How Al-Anon Works:

* Chapter 16: Tradition 1
* Part 2, Chapter 16, “A Nun finds Spiritual Peace”
* Part 2, chapter 31, “Letting Go of a Loved One’s Alcohol, Drug, and Money Problems”

Courage to Change

* January 27,]]>
The Recovery Show 258 1:26:05
I am Powerless – Episode 257 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/i-am-powerless-episode-257/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/i-am-powerless-episode-257/#comments Wed, 22 Aug 2018 23:44:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4247 Read a transcript of this episode. A “first step” meeting came at just the right time for me, this weekend. My mother had fallen and broke her leg. She lives almost 500 miles away, and I am powerless over the fact that she broke her leg, over the treatment that she gets, and over how … Continue reading "I am Powerless – Episode 257"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/i-am-powerless-episode-257/feed/ 1 Read a transcript of this episode. A “first step” meeting came at just the right time for me, this weekend. My mother had fallen and broke her leg. She lives almost 500 miles away, and I am powerless over the fact that she broke her leg, Read a transcript of this episode.
A “first step” meeting came at just the right time for me, this weekend. My mother had fallen and broke her leg. She lives almost 500 miles away, and I am powerless over the fact that she broke her leg, over the treatment that she gets, and over how she is feeling. I am using the tools of detachment with love, of finding the wisdom to change the things I can, and accepting the things that I cannot change. How do you find power is your powerlessness?
I read from Courage to Change, October 10.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 257 15:40
Tom – His sister needed Al-Anon – Episode 256 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/#comments Thu, 16 Aug 2018 11:42:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4244 Tom grew up in a loving, chaotic family. As an adult, he found recovery for his alcoholism, but didn't know how to cope with the alcoholics around him. It wasn't until he decided that his sister needed Al-Anon, that he started attending regularly, and carrying the message back to her. Eventually, he started to see … Continue reading "Tom – His sister needed Al-Anon – Episode 256"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/feed/ 1 Tom grew up in a loving, chaotic family. As an adult, he found recovery for his alcoholism, but didn't know how to cope with the alcoholics around him. It wasn't until he decided that his sister needed Al-Anon, that he started attending regularly, Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
Tom read from

* Courage to Change, March 14, p. 74.
* How Al-Anon Works, pp. 45-46

He also mentioned the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, Blueprint for Progress.

Music from the show
Coldplay: Fix You

Paul Simon: Still Crazy after all these Years

 
 
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The Recovery Show 256 1:21:58
Speaker: Ann Marie R – Episode 255 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/#comments Tue, 07 Aug 2018 01:48:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4241 This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.  

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/feed/ 1 This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 255 1:05:58
Parents of teen alcoholics and addicts – Episode 254 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/#respond Sun, 29 Jul 2018 12:21:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4235 How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help? Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, and how they navigated their difficulties, fears, and hopes. Our discussion was grounded … Continue reading "Parents of teen alcoholics and addicts – Episode 254"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/feed/ 0 How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help? Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help?
Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, and how they navigated their difficulties, fears, and hopes.
Our discussion was grounded in these questions:

* When/how did you become aware of your child’s behavior?
* Were you in Al-Anon at that point?
* How long did you struggle before you found Al-Anon?
* When were you able to admit that your child was an alcoholic or addict? What brought you to that understanding?
* What were some of the program tools and principles you used first?
* What were the hardest tools to apply?
* Did you feel that, as a parent, you needed to help or fix your child?
* What did you do to help/fix?
* Did you feel responsible for their behavior?
* What is the one thing you would say to a parent who is new to Al-Anon?

Readings
We read from or talked about this Al-Anon literature:
Courage to Change, February 17, “faith takes practice”.
How Al-Anon Works, p. 30, “don't pick up the rope”.
From Survival to Recovery, p. 267-268, the “Al-Anon promises”.
Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships, a new book from Al-Anon in which members share their challenges with all aspects of intimacy–physical, emotional and spiritual–in all relationships affected by the family illness of alcoholism.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Original Five Blind Boys of Mississippi: Leave you in the Hands of the Lord

Dave Brubeck: Take Five

The Beatles: Let it Be

 
 
 
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The Recovery Show 254 1:25:39
Denial and Acceptance – Episode 253 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/#comments Thu, 05 Jul 2018 14:58:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4221 Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance? What is it? Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial? Definition from Merriam-Webster: psychology : a defense mechanism in which confrontation with … Continue reading "Denial and Acceptance – Episode 253"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/feed/ 2 Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance? What is it? Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial? Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance?

* What is it?

* Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial?
* Definition from Merriam-Webster:

* psychology : a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality
* — in denial: refusing to admit the truth or reality of something unpleasant; a patient in denial about his health problems


* Withholding from someone else but more especially from ourselves


* How did we experience it in our lives?

* In our alcoholic situations.
* With aging parents.
* With our own health.


* What it the relationship between denial and admitting?

* We probably have some form of awareness of a problem in order to deny it
* We must admit a problem exists to start to move out of denial.


* What tools have we found to combat it?

* “3 As”: awareness, acceptance, (alternatives,) action.
* The Steps themselves.
* Self-awareness (Steps 4 and 10)
* Listening to my inner voice / gut
* Support of a Higher Power (Steps 2, 3, 6, 7, 11)
* Honesty and Courage
* Compassion


* How is our life better when we accept reality on its own terms?

* Serenity
* Freedom
* Accurate perception of myself, becoming the person I want to be
* Catch slips earlier
* Loss of fear



Readings on denial
How Alanon Works, Chapter Five, Pages 21 and 22
Hope for Today – pages 123 and 138 (May 2, May 17)
“Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” From Survival to Recovery page 267, The Promises of Alanon – in Chapter “Joy is our Birthright”
Join our conversation
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Anna Graceman: Living in Denial

DiamondLyn: Self-Awareness Rap (to the music of Lauryn Hill’s Lost One)

Pam Tillis: Cleopatra, Queen of Denial
 
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The Recovery Show 253 1:35:29
Spencer on Sober Speak – Episode 252 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/#comments Mon, 25 Jun 2018 22:52:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4217 Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, strength, and hope centered around the 12 steps of AA. Of course, he was … Continue reading "Spencer on Sober Speak – Episode 252"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/feed/ 1 Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, strength, and hope centered around the 12 steps of AA. Of course, he was telling his Al-Anon story.
John M created Sober Speak because he saw a need. Each episode features one guest telling his or her story, so it's sort of like a series of speaker talks, but in a conversational format.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:25:32
Spirit in Action Interview – Episode 251 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/#comments Tue, 12 Jun 2018 02:48:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4212 Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. We will trace the spiritual roots that support and nourish them in their service. Above all, we will seek out Light, … Continue reading "Spirit in Action Interview – Episode 251"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/feed/ 1 Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. We will trace the spiritual roots that support and nourish them in their service. Above all, we will seek out Light, Love and Helping Hands, being shared between our many neighbors on this planet, hoping to inspire and encourage you to sink deep roots and produce sacred fruit in your own life.
We talked about how I came to Al-Anon, about how the podcast came to be, and about how we provide healing to people affected by the disease of alcoholism and addiction.
You can listen to Spencer's interview on their website or by subscribing to their podcast.
 
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The Recovery Show 251 22:08
Tom W talk – Episode 250 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/#comments Tue, 05 Jun 2018 02:32:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4208 This talk by Tom W, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous had so much recovery wisdom, I felt compelled to share it with you. I've heard it a few times already and every time, I get new insights. I was astounded to hear that a priest had trouble with Steps 2 and 3. And, his description … Continue reading "Tom W talk – Episode 250"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/feed/ 1 This talk by Tom W, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous had so much recovery wisdom, I felt compelled to share it with you. I've heard it a few times already and every time, I get new insights. I was astounded to hear that a priest had trouble with Steps ... Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 250 1:19:37
Force and Power – Episode 249 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/#comments Tue, 29 May 2018 04:35:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4203 Read a transcript of this episode.How have you given away your power? Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions? How can you recover your personal power? Definitions Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, make (someone) do something against their will Power: the capacity or ability … Continue reading "Force and Power – Episode 249"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/feed/ 1 Read a transcript of this episode.How have you given away your power? Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions? How can you recover your personal power? Definitions Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, Read a transcript of this episode.How have you given away your power?
Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions?
How can you recover your personal power?

* Definitions

* Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, make (someone) do something against their will
* Power: the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events
* Powerful: sturdy, influential, strong, compelling


* How we give away our power?

* Enabling
* Saying yes when we mean no
* Avoiding confrontation
* Feeling resentment, bitterness, anger, shame
* Fighting / taking the bait / picking up the rope
* Denial
* Losing track of what is acceptable
* Not setting boundaries or not keeping them
* Apologizing for things that weren’t ours to keep the peace


* Forcing (solutions)

* March 8, Courage to Change – Easy does it
* Force is the antithesis of recovery
* Trying to control drinking
* Punishing
* Hollow/idle threats
* Impossible ultimatums
* Working the program “hard”?
* Tom W said “I don’t believe ‘it works if you work it’. I believe it works if you let it.”


* How do we recover our power?

* The power we were born with to live our lives with peace and serenity
* Asking my higher power for help
* Al-anon Welcome: “… we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.”
* How Al-Anon Works, chapter 16 “A Nun finds Spiritual Peace”
* Use the tools of the program
* Slogan: Easy does it
* Let go and let God
* “I don’t know.”
* Detaching with love
* Setting healthy boundaries
* Saying “no”
* Saying what we mean without saying it meanly
* Neutral responses (see page image below)
* Understanding consequences (mine and not mine)
* Changing the way I think is real power.



Read a transcript of this episode.
Upcoming topics include parenting a child who is an alcoholic or addict. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Linkin Park: Powerless

John Mayer: Gravity

Kenny Loggins: I'm Alright


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The Recovery Show 249 1:14:06
Love, Relationships, and Step 6 – Episode 248 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/#respond Tue, 22 May 2018 05:27:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4193 What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything? Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, I’m going to have to talk about some books and … Continue reading "Love, Relationships, and Step 6 – Episode 248"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/feed/ 0 What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything? Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything?
Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, I’m going to have to talk about some books and concepts that are not part of the Al-Anon program, but that have meaning to me.
Friday night, my wife and I went to a workshop at our church on the “5 Love Languages.” It’s based on a series of books with that title. The basic idea is that there are different ways in which we feel loved. That some ways are more important to us than others. That we most often express love in the ways that we want to receive it. That our partners way of feeling loved is probably not the same as ours. And finally that if we don’t understand the way in which our partner feels most loved, it may weaken or destroy our relationship.
I had first encountered the 5 love languages several years ago when a friend in the program loaned me a copy of the book. At that time I was struggling with rebuilding my relationship with my wife, which had been severely damaged by her alcoholism. She had been sober for over 5 years, and I had been in Al-Anon about 10. As our book How Al-Anon Works says in the discussion of Step 1 (“We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable”), “Al-Anon does not promise … that sobriety will solve our problems or fix our relationships”. I read the book cover to cover, and came to a couple of realizations.
I’m going to come at those realizations from the loss or pain that brought me to them specifically. As a friend said in the workshop on Friday, paraphrasing from the book, it can help to think about where you most feel loss or pain in your relationship(s), when you are trying to decide which love language is most important to you.
And maybe I should talk about what those 5 languages are! Again, these are the ways in which you feel loved: According to the book, they are

* Words of appreciation: these can include compliments; thanks and gratitude for things you do, say, or be; or maybe the 3 simple words “I love you.”
* Acts of service: when someone does something for you.
* Physical touch: a caress; a light touch on the shoulder; a pat on the back; a hug or kiss; or sexual intimacy.
* Quality time: doing things together; simple conversation; sharing thoughts, plans, fears.
* Receiving gifts.

On to the realizations…
Number one is small but important (to me): My wife would often ask me to do simple things, which I thought she could just as easily do for herself, such as picking up something from the drugstore. (And not because I was going there already.) I would feel annoyed that she didn’t just do it herself — why did she need to ask me? The book helped me to see that one of the important ways my wife feels love … as you probably already guessed … is through acts of service. When I saw that, my attitude and response to her simple requests changed “180”. I saw that she was really asking me “Do you love me?” After that, whenever she asked me to do an errand, I could hear “will you show me your love by doing this thing for me?” And I could lovingly respond, “Yes.” Thus healing a small emotional scar in me, and helping me to feel closer to her.
The biggie, though, hit me hard. At this time I had developed a close friendship with another Al-Anon member. We would share long phone calls and emails, talking about program, but also just about our lives, thoughts, and feelings. Looking back on it from the perspective of several years, I can see that I became needy, that I placed a lot of my serenity in the hands of this other person. Of course,]]>
The Recovery Show 248 34:56
Negative into Positive– Episode 247 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/#comments Tue, 15 May 2018 12:25:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4188 Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987. A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one. What have been your experience when what you thought was a negative became a positive?  Or vice-versa? … Continue reading "Negative into Positive– Episode 247"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/feed/ 2 Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987. A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one. Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987.
A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one.
What have been your experience when what you thought was a negative became a positive?  Or vice-versa?
Links
The letter that Amber sent can be found on the Al-Anon blog.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
An anonymous listener recommended Record Boy by The Josephs.

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The Recovery Show 247 50:42
Why do a Moral Inventory? – Episode 246 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/#respond Tue, 08 May 2018 03:54:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4180 Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway? Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. His answers were written in 2002, 2011, and 2018. How have they changed (or not)? The questions … Continue reading "Why do a Moral Inventory? – Episode 246"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/feed/ 0 Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway? Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway?
Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. His answers were written in 2002, 2011, and 2018. How have they changed (or not)?
The questions are:

* Am I willing to look honestly at myself? What stands in my way?
* Have I sought help from my Higher Power, my sponsor, or other Al-Anon members?
* What suggestions have I tried to see if they might work?
* Do I understand the spiritual principle of an inventory?
* What do “searching” and “fearless” mean to me?
* What does “moral inventory” mean?

How would you answer these questions? Please share your thoughts. Call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Dessa: The Crow

Aretha Franklin: Look into your Heart

Shannon and the Clams: Onion

 
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The Recovery Show 246 39:22
Consequences – Episode 245 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/#respond Tue, 24 Apr 2018 12:49:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4172 Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others? con·se·quence ˈkänsikwəns noun a result or effect of an action or condition. synonyms: result, upshot, outcome, effect, repercussion, ramification, corollary, concomitant, aftermath, after effect; Setting Consequences I have to be … Continue reading "Consequences – Episode 245"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/feed/ 0 Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others? con·se·quence ˈkänsikwəns noun a result or effect of an action or condition. Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others?
con·se·quence
ˈkänsikwəns
noun

* a result or effect of an action or condition.

synonyms: result, upshot, outcome, effect, repercussion, ramification, corollary, concomitant, aftermath, after effect;

* Setting Consequences

* I have to be willing to enforce them.
* They should be realistic and relate to the behavior.
* They should impact the other person more than me!
* What is the difference between “threat” and “consequences”?
* When I set a boundary and consequences for violating that boundary, am I attempting to control or manipulate another’s behavior?


* Consequences of OTHER people’s behavior – Is NOT my business

* When I “do for others what they are capable of doing for themselves”, I set myself up as enabling, and deny them the natural consequences, good or bad, of their actions.  Resentment, disappointment, anger…
* When I try to instill consequences, punishment, discipline, I often exacerbate an issue and set myself up yet again, for resentment, disappointment, anger…
* A definition of “enabling” that I learned is “getting between someone and the consequences of their actions.” (see Courage to Change January 5, June 16)


* Consequences of MY behavior – IS my business

* When I take care of myself, …

* Feel better
* Act better
* Cope better


* When I do not take care of myself I…

* Blame
* Resent
* Slip into old behavior
* Get sick, angry, lonely, tired




* Mentioned or implied in several slogans including Live and Let Live, Let Go and Let God, One Day at a Time
* Related topics – CONTROL, ENABLING, RESENTMENT, DETACHMENT, BOUNDARIES

Resources
We read from at least some of these articles.

* Al-Anon faces Alcoholism
* Unacceptable behavior and consequences (forum thread)
* Natural Consequences (Psychology Today)
* How to set Healthy Boundaries with Alcoholics and Addicts
* Natural Consequences (forum thread)
* 50 Quotes on Consequences (Psychology Today)
* Consequences on Brainy Quotes

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Ringo Starr: The No No Song

TLC: Waterfalls

Camila Cabello

 
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The Recovery Show 245 1:21:01
Carl H Open Talk – Episode 244 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/#comments Tue, 17 Apr 2018 02:34:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4167 Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote, When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, CA given in Calgary, Canada in 2010. He is an excellent … Continue reading "Carl H Open Talk – Episode 244"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/feed/ 2 Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote, When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote,
When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, CA given in Calgary, Canada in 2010. He is an excellent speaker and addresses this topic head on concerning violence toward his alcoholic, in this case, his wife, as well as talking about how the program helped him heal in other relationships.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 244 1:06:13
Recovery with Young Children – Episode 243 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/#respond Tue, 10 Apr 2018 13:32:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4160 How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you? Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, touching on topics from the list below. What questions have your children asked you about Alcoholism/addiction? … Continue reading "Recovery with Young Children – Episode 243"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/feed/ 0 How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you? Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you?
Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, touching on topics from the list below.

* What questions have your children asked you about

* Alcoholism/addiction?
* Recovery?
* Meetings?
* Therapy? (“talk doctor”)
* Their father?
* Divorce?


* What have you said to them…?

* Mommy and Daddy’s first priority is to make sure that you are safe…
* It's never your fault when adults drink and act badly.


* How do you model recovery / healthy behavior for your children?

* Do they reflect it back?


* How do you communicate differently to different age children?
* What do you still struggle with in communicating to your children about alcoholism and recovery?
* What have you NOT told your children? Why?
* Do your children attend meetings?
* Would you bring your children to a meeting if it was the only way you could go?
* When did you need to put your recovery needs ahead of your children?
* Do you feel that you owe amends to your children?

* What for?
* (How) have you made amends?



Megan quoted from the Al-Anon Family Groups pamphlet, How Can I Help My Children?   
A listener asked about whether we have transcripts of the podcast. We don't. The best explanation I've found for why not is a blog post titled “The Dream of converting podcasts to text.
Upcoming topics include violence by the “Al-Anon”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Avett Brothers: When I Drink

Martina McBride: In my Daughter's Eyes

Crosby, Stills and Nash: Teach your Children

 
 
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The Recovery Show 243 1:27:14
Don’t React – Episode 242 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/#comments Mon, 02 Apr 2018 20:41:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4152 Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react? A listener wrote in with these questions. How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? How do others sit with uncomfortable feelings? How do I act on God's will … Continue reading "Don’t React – Episode 242"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react? A listener wrote in with these questions. How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react?
A listener wrote in with these questions.
How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? How do others sit with uncomfortable feelings? How do I act on God's will not my will? Letting time pass, a month or longer or a week or few days seems impossible when i am so anxious. How do you deal with that??
How also to know God's time as I'm a naturally impulsive person and have always done things fast. Any fear I have makes me say something I regret later or take action too soon, as i don't give myself enough time to write and meditate and breathe.

* My first thought is about the “Al-Anon pause button”. But then, the question is: “How do I remember to use it?”
* A couple of helpful slogans:

* “How important is it?” (Courage to Change, August 15)
* “First Things First” (How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 9)


* The thing: It takes practice!
* My experience with just about any “defect of character”

* First I become aware of it.
* Then, I notice it after I do it.
* After a while, I notice it while I’m doing it.
* Eventually, I’m able to notice when I’m about to do it.


* Don’t “kick myself” while I’m trying to learn a new way to be.
* Awareness, Acceptance, Action!
* How to “sit with it”. The reading from Courage to Change, January 10 about worry may be helpful.

Our topic for next week is talking to small children about recovery. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brad Sucks: Overreacting

Norma Jean: Reaction

Astrid S: Think Before I Talk

A TED talk
I mentioned this TED talk in “my week in recovery”.

 
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The Recovery Show 242 30:36
Freedom – Episode 241 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/#respond Tue, 27 Mar 2018 00:25:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4143 What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery? Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline. Definition of freedom? Many definitions… Do I believe that freedom only comes from being in control of my life? What does it mean to me (now) that … Continue reading "Freedom – Episode 241"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/feed/ 0 What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery? Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline. Definition of freedom? Many definitions… Do I believe that freedom only comes from being ... What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery?
Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline.

* Definition of freedom? Many definitions…
* Do I believe that freedom only comes from being in control of my life?
* What does it mean to me (now) that “freedom can only come from acceptance”?
* The blog “Through an Al-Anon Filter” says
If I want peace, I must give my program away to others. If I want growth, I must give up my belief in my own “rightness.” If I want serenity, I must give up self-will, and be open to my Higher Power. If I want freedom, I must give up my need to control.

If I want real, lasting change, I must give up my safe misery.
* (How) do I understand this in my life?
* Concept Three 
The Right of Decision makes effective leadership possible.

* We have the right to decide, to make choices. This is a powerful idea and one that many of us may have lost sight of growing up in families that were dysfunctional.
* “When I began studying Concept Three, I found the answer. It wasn’t alcoholism that bothered me. It was someone taking away my right of decision.” Reaching for Personal Freedom p. 132


* What freedom(s) have I found in recovery?

* Free to live my life. I don’t have to follow the whims and wishes of my loved one (I can choose to do so, but I don’t have to.)
* Free to take care of myself (instead of my loved one).
* Free to grow.
* Free to laugh.
* Free to make choices.
* Free to know myself.
* Free to let go of the past (but not wish to shut the door on it).
* Free to find gratitude in the little (and the big) things, even when some part of my life sucks.
* I am becoming Free FROM;

* Despair
* Sadness
* Loneliness
* Isolation
* Anxiety
* Blame
* Resentments
* Feeling trapped
* Fear
* Anger
* Guilt
* Shame
* Dependence (on others)
* Expectations (of others)


* I am become FREE TO;

* Live and Let Live
* Let It Go
* Surrender without giving up
* Say No (and feel good about it)
* Detach, with love
* Set boundaries
* Allow consequences to happen
* Love, not need
* Walk away
* Feel, without fear
* Say what I mean
* Go slow
* Enjoy solitude
* Be happy
* Have choices
* Take risks
* To be wrong
* Trust
* Laugh more (Promise 12)


* Who knew!?  (as my sponsor said yesterday when I read him my list… 😊)


* We want to be “happy, joyous, and free”

Upcoming topics include is talking to young children about recovery. Also parenting in all its aspects. And, violence by the “Al-Anon” in a relationship. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
We read from the blog “Through an Al-Anon Filter”, which you can find at http://al-anonfilter.blogspot.com/. The post about freedom is at http://al-anonfilter.blogspot.com/2009/05/freedom.html
During “our lives in recovery”, Spencer mentioned a poem he had heard at church. Here is a link: https://twitter.com/mfolboston/status/968838064389881857?]]>
The Recovery Show 241 1:14:47
Linda L Open Talk – Episode 240 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/#respond Tue, 13 Mar 2018 17:43:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4138 I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California. I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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]]> http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/feed/ 0 I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California. I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California.
I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 240 1:09:31 March Roundup 2018 – Episode 239 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/#respond Wed, 07 Mar 2018 03:00:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4131 Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there? This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, with a mix of AA and Al-Anon topics and speakers. From Friday … Continue reading "March Roundup 2018 – Episode 239"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/feed/ 0 Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there? This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there?
This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, with a mix of AA and Al-Anon topics and speakers.
From Friday to Sunday, we attended workshops on

* God Consciousness
* The Al-Anon traditions
* Double Winners – the AA’s value of using Al-Anon
* Early AA Escapades
* 4 Important pages – 23 and 24 (Step 1, basically) In the “big book”: http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_22.htm and following; in the “12 and 12”: https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_step1.pdf
* Dr. Bob’s Farewell talk, https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/dr-bobs-farewell-talk
* Principles in our relationships

And we heard 6 speakers:

* Danny D (AA)
* Linda L (Al-Anon)
* Matt R and Summer B (Alateen)
* June G (AA)
* Earl H (AA)

As always, there was much more that we wanted to do than we had time and energy for. Activities extended into the night, both Friday and Saturday, with additional workshops, fun, games, and dancing. However we went home to get our sleep (about 45 minute drive). And Saturday and Sunday both started at 8AM, which we definitely were not able to make it that early.
I want to express my joy to the listeners who approached me to say “thank you” for this podcast. I do this podcast for my recovery and for yours, and it is always encouraging to hear how it helps you. We saw friends from our home groups and shared some recovery with them, too.
If you’ve thought about attending a “round up” or convention, I strongly encourage you to do so. If you’re afraid you’ll be singled out as an Al-Anon, I can honestly say that nobody asked me what program I was in. At this one, we made our own name badges, which could say as much or as little as we wanted. Everybody was warm and welcoming, and we got so much recovery wisdom. (Granted, not all the presenters were excellent speakers, but they all had something meaningful to share.)
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener wrote and asked about a flowchart I had mentioned a while back, where all the choices eventually lead to “don't worry”. She wanted to know where to find it. Here's one version: https://lifehacker.com/this-flow-chart-tells-you-when-to-worry-about-anything-1638610395
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The Recovery Show 239 46:39
Myrtle A. Open Talk – Episode 238 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/#comments Tue, 27 Feb 2018 00:41:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4127 Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it.” I hope you enjoy and get as much from her talk … Continue reading "Myrtle A. Open Talk – Episode 238"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/feed/ 1 Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it. Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it.” I hope you enjoy and get as much from her talk as I did.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 53:00
Healing the Trauma of Alcoholism – Episode 237 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/#respond Tue, 20 Feb 2018 02:46:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4114 What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it? I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. I recognized recently that it’s not over, even almost 16 years … Continue reading "Healing the Trauma of Alcoholism – Episode 237"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/feed/ 0 What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it? I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it?
I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. I recognized recently that it’s not over, even almost 16 years later.
Recently, I heard of 3 simple steps that can help us to heal from traumatic stress. (Simple, not easy!) I have to admit that I don’t completely understand how to apply them, but what I know is that my progress in Al-Anon has followed these 3 steps. They are:

* Act

* I came to Al-Anon. I wasn’t sure why I came, except that I didn’t know what else to do.
* I kept on coming, just because each time I felt a little better.
* I listened and identified with what members said in meetings.
* I read Al-Anon literature (this was huge for me in reducing anxiety and enabling me to sleep.)


* Act with others.

* I can’t do it all by myself. That is the essence of Steps 2 and 3:
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
* I asked another member to be my sponsor. This was my first step to acting with others. I didn’t use my sponsor very effectively, but I did call when I didn’t know how to act or deal in a situation.
* I met with other members and formed a step study group (AWOL = A Way Of Life). We met weekly for about 2 years, working through the 12 steps together.
* Working through Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”, with others helped me to see that I am not uniquely broken, and that other people have suffered similar trauma.
* Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”, has been essential in healing my guilt and shame over my past actions. Until I open up to another person, I am not relieved of my pain. In this way, Acting with another is essential to my recovery.


* Act from your wise mind.

* The concept of “wise mind” comes from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). It has been described as the combination of intellectual thought and emotional thought. OK. What’s that mean for me?
* One way I see this action in my program is in Steps 6 and 7. In working Step 6, I try to reach a fullness of understanding and acceptance of my “shortcomings”. Some shortcomings are easy to accept intellectually — I can see the negative effects of my procrastination — but hard to accept emotionally — I am somehow driven to procrastinate but I don’t really know why. Practicing mindfulness can help here. By letting my thoughts just pass by, I start to find acceptance of what is true rather than what I want to be true.
* Other shortcomings are obvious emotionally but not so much intellectually. My fear of financial insecurity is/was one of these. I knew I was afraid, but I didn’t know what I could do about it. I couldn’t get out of it by reasoning. In fact, my reasoning mind told me that I should just do the things I was afraid of: check the bank balance, pay the bills on time, make a budget. I had to bring the emotion and the reason together to accept that I needed to ask for help.
* When I have reached intellectual and emotional acceptance of a shortcoming, then I am entirely ready to have it removed, and I can move on to Step 7 where I ask for just that.
* Many of the components of the Al-Anon program help me to act from my wise mind, by reaching understanding and acceptance of what is true.

* The disease concept of alcoholism was foreign to me and I rejected it at first. I had to learn about how addiction affects the brain,]]>
The Recovery Show 237 1:08:08
Fear of Financial Insecurity – Episode 236 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/#respond Tue, 06 Feb 2018 12:52:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4071 Do you dread mail from your bank? Are you anxious about paying the bills? Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation? What is my experience? Ignoring the problem We’re just fine. Just use the credit card. Cash advances Balance transfer Borrow from parents. Take money from retirement (is this amends?) Can I … Continue reading "Fear of Financial Insecurity – Episode 236"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/feed/ 0 Do you dread mail from your bank? Are you anxious about paying the bills? Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation? What is my experience? Ignoring the problem We’re just fine. Just use the credit card. Do you dread mail from your bank?
Are you anxious about paying the bills?
Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation?

* What is my experience?
* Ignoring the problem

* We’re just fine.
* Just use the credit card.


* Cash advances
* Balance transfer
* Borrow from parents.
* Take money from retirement (is this amends?)
* Can I win the lottery??? (no)
* Refinance the house.
* Worry, anxiety, can’t sleep.
* The problem is drinking — too expensive.
* Bankruptcy?  No! Not an option!
* Bank balance anxiety…

* Don’t check it.
* But be afraid of the envelope (later, the text message)
* Step 6/7 — ask for help, and receive it.


* How to recover? How to not be anxious all the time?
* Sobriety helped, but not the only answer.
* Make a plan to pay off credit card balances.
* Tradition 7
* General Warranties of the Conference In all proceedings the World Service Conference of Al-Anon shall observe the spirit of the Traditions:

* that only sufficient operating funds, including an ample reserve, be its prudent financial principle;


* Where am I today?

* Credit cards at zero.
* Loans taken to pay off credit cards almost zero.
* Home line of credit is the next target.
* Student loans — refinance for lower interest. 5 years to go.
* We were able to recarpet our home from savings, not credit!
* But it took time.



Upcoming topics include parenting. In particular, if you are the parent of an alcoholic or addict, we'd love to hear your fears, experience, strength, and hope. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
Courage to Change, Dec 11
How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 31 “Letting Go of a Loved One’s Alcohol, Drug, and Money Problems”

Music from the show
Hank Thompson – Six Pack to Go

Abba – Money, Money, Money

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – Make the Money

 
 
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The Recovery Show 236 48:03
Slogans part 2 – Episode 235 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/#respond Thu, 01 Feb 2018 03:49:44 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4064 How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”? 3 slogans for today. Let it begin with me. Is it worth my serenity? First things first. For each slogan: How do I understand the slogan? … Continue reading "Slogans part 2 – Episode 235"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/feed/ 0 How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”? 3 slogans for today. Let it begin with me. Is it worth my serenity? First things first. How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”?

* 3 slogans for today.

* Let it begin with me.
* Is it worth my serenity?
* First things first.


* For each slogan: How do I understand the slogan?
* What did I think when I first heard each slogan?
* Has my understanding changed?
* How have I applied the slogan in the past? Now?
* The “Al-Anon declaration” includes the words “Let it begin with me” twice. Why?

* LET IT BEGIN WITH ME—When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, let the hand of Al‑Anon and Alateen always be there and LET IT BEGIN WITH ME


* Do I use “Let it begin with me” to remind me that my recovery comes first?

* Sort of like the “oxygen mask” metaphor?
* “Isms” and “if you spot it, you got it”


* What happens when I ask “Is it worth my serenity?” How does it change the way I react to situations?
* Do I use “first things first”

* To reduce frustration, fear, or uncertainty?
* To help me move forward one step towards a goal I don’t know how to reach?
* To help me choose from several “next steps”?



Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
We opened with a reading from Chapter 9 of How Al-Anon Works, Slogans.
Later, we read from Courage to Change, April 18 and December 2.

Music from the show
The Isley Brothers and Santana – Let there be Peace on Earth (and Let it Begin with Me)

Read more about this song.
Godsmack – Serenity

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – First Things First

 
 
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The Recovery Show 235 1:23:37
Carol S open talk – Episode 234 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/#comments Tue, 23 Jan 2018 02:02:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4060 Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Nebraska. Upcoming topics include some slogans. What … Continue reading "Carol S open talk – Episode 234"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/feed/ 2 Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Nebraska.
Upcoming topics include some slogans. What is your favorite slogan? Or, maybe more importantly, what is the slogan that you use almost every day? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 234 52:32
Making a Decision – Episode 233 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/#comments Tue, 16 Jan 2018 04:54:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4051 Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us? I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, and 2017 for … Continue reading "Making a Decision – Episode 233"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/feed/ 2 Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us? I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us?
I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, and 2017 for these questions about making a decision.

* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
* How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
* Am I willing to turn my problems over? What could help me be willing?
* How can I stop thinking, trying, and considering, and actually make a decision?
* Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
If I am unable to make a decision, what holds me back?

How would you answer these questions? Share your responses so we can read them in a future episode.
Upcoming are two more parent episodes. For one episode, please share your experience, strength, and hope about being the parent of an alcoholic or addict.  For the other, how has recovery changed the way you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Audio versions of three Al-Anon books are now available:
The Al-Anon online store has links to purchase the books from Audible, Amazon, or iTunes. Here are direct links to purchase them through Amazon: One Day at a Time in Al-AnonHow Al-Anon Works, Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II.
A description of the “persistent illusion” can be found in the book Alcoholics Anonymous starting on page 30. Here is one online copy that you can read.
The original “3rd Step Prayer” and several variants of it can be found at the “Friends of Bill W.” website.
A listener asked about the song “Drowning's Better (with your friends)”, which can be found at the Bandcamp page for Misty Lyn and the Big Beautiful.
Music from the show
Just Decide by I Fight Dragons

Free to Decide by The Cranberries

Choose by Hightown Parade

More songs about making decisions are in this Spotify playlist.

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The Recovery Show 233 52:54
The Sober Parent – Episode 232 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/#respond Wed, 10 Jan 2018 17:28:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4043 Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you? What challenges do you face as the sober parent? Keeping your children safe Making decisions about how to parent. What happens when you disagree? Taking everything on. Anger, rage and anxiety. “Parenting” your spouse? Jealousy/resentment of … Continue reading "The Sober Parent – Episode 232"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/feed/ 0 Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you? What challenges do you face as the sober parent? Keeping your children safe Making decisions about how to parent. Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you?

* What challenges do you face as the sober parent?

* Keeping your children safe
* Making decisions about how to parent. What happens when you disagree?
* Taking everything on.
* Anger, rage and anxiety.
* “Parenting” your spouse?
* Jealousy/resentment of the “fun parent.”
* Attributing all “problems” to alcoholism.
* Decision-making.
* Not know what “normal” is.  Or what “healthy” is.
* Trying to parent together when you don’t feel strong in your marriage… or when its actually breaking/broken.
* Protecting anonymity while being honest on medical and education paperwork for my children
* Traveling for work and setting expectations for care of our kids knowing I really have no control over whether or not my wishes/expectations are upheld
* Not having control. Allowing kids to ride in the car or even just be at home alone with the alcoholic parent.


* How did you react to these before recovery?

* Resentment – LOTS
* Snide, snarky comments to spouse, spitefulness
* Anger, particularly misdirected anger
* Guilt and self-loathing
* Exhaustion
* Apathy
* Depression
* All or nothing attitude/perspective
* Relentless pursuit of “agreement” or seeing my viewpoint
* Lack of trust


* How has recovery changed the way in which you face these challenges?

* Living one day/one hour/one minute at a time.
* Setting boundaries
* Focus on myself… self-care, self-inventory, stay in my hula hoop
* Crazy thought train doesn’t stay as long
* Awareness of my anxiety and anger
* Learning to pause.
* Not as hard on myself
* I don’t always feel compelled to make decisions right away
* I’m learning to let go of outcomes
* I’m learning the difference between true issues/problems and simply unmet expectations
* I apply program to my actions on a daily basis (first things first, how important is it, HALT, etc.)


* What is a typical day like now?

* More loving behavior with my spouse.
* More patience
* Make amends to my kids whenever necessary
* I hear from my Higher Power through my children
* More loving and accepting of myself and more compassionate toward my spouse, which creates a more peaceful environment
* Imperfect – some days i feel like i’m right back where i started, but that doesn’t last as long


* How do you face the fears and worries that you have for your children?

* How do my children see me? My spouse?
* How can I be the parent my children need? The parent they want?
* How can I not transmit my resentment and anger at my spouse to my children?
* But: fear of what’s to come in my children’s lives.


* What tools do I want to give to my children?

* “Pause”
* God Box  (kind words, deep breaths)
* Acceptance of their emotions
* A parent who is approachable and thoughtfully responds rather than reacts



Upcoming topics include parenting an alcoholic/addict child, and how recovery has changed the way in which you are a parent. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: Teach Your Children

David Haas: The God of Second Chances

 
 
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The Recovery Show 232 1:17:24
Begin in Stillness – Episode 231 http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/#comments Tue, 02 Jan 2018 04:36:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4036 Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come. What do you want to let go of from the last year? Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, or crumple it up and throw it in the trash.) You don’t … Continue reading "Begin in Stillness – Episode 231"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/feed/ 1 Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come. What do you want to let go of from the last year? Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come.

* What do you want to let go of from the last year?

* Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, or crumple it up and throw it in the trash.)
* You don’t need to share this with anyone. It is just for you.
* As you destroy it, feel yourself letting go of the anger, the fear, the anxiety, the resentment, the desperation, or the sorrow.


* What aspirations do you have (for yourself) in the new year?

* Write it down. Put it someplace you will re-encounter it throughout the year. Maybe in your wallet or purse, maybe tucked into the sandals you will wear when summer comes. Let it remind you, when you have forgotten all about it, what you wish for yourself.
* What is the difference between an aspiration and a resolution? Why is this important?


* What gift would you like to give to someone else for the coming year?

* Try for a single word, a short phrase, or a picture.
* Give it to someone else. Preferably a stranger, maybe someone you don’t even know who. Leave it in a library book. Tack it on a community bulletin board at a store. Be original.



Share your responses to these questions with us by email or voice.
Upcoming topics include parenting. From at least these 3 perspectives: Being the sober parent. Being the parent of an alcoholic or addict child. And how has recovery changed the way you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Black Angels – Life Song

Kendrick Lamar – FEEL.

MILCK – Quiet

 
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The Recovery Show 231 1:01:19
The Family in Recovery – Episode 230 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/#respond Mon, 25 Dec 2017 14:00:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4028 In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA. Upcoming topics include parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more … Continue reading "The Family in Recovery – Episode 230"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/feed/ 0 In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA. Upcoming topics include parenting. In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA.
Upcoming topics include parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more information about joining our conversation. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 230 1:03:04
Holiday Expectations – Episode 229 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/#respond Tue, 19 Dec 2017 04:33:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4019 As we enter into a season where many of us are celebrating an end of the year holiday — Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year — what expectations do we have? What anxieties does this season provoke? Do you look forward to spending time with family, or dread it? Or are you spending this time alone? … Continue reading "Holiday Expectations – Episode 229"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/feed/ 0 As we enter into a season where many of us are celebrating an end of the year holiday — Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year — what expectations do we have? What anxieties does this season provoke? Do you look forward to spending time with family,
* By expecting it to be just like it was.
* By having unrealistic expectations.
* This year, everyone will be happy and glad to spend time together.
* Dreading family dysfunction.
* How can we set realistic expectations or let go of expectations?
* How can we protect our serenity?
* What can we do differently?

I was inspired, in part, to this topic by the following article in the June, 2017 issue of the Forum, which reminded me of an experience I had when I was just a couple of years into recovery.
I Asked God To Guide My Words
By Anonymous
One of the countless new skills I began to learn when I came to Al-Anon was managing my expectations. My need to improve in this area was especially evident whenever I was anticipating a visit with my alcoholic son, who lives in another part of the country. Beforehand, I would build up the visit in my mind’s eye, picturing our family laughing together, doing fun things, talking easily and affectionately about our lives.
But it was never like that. Conversation was constantly strained. It was hard to find any safe topics. Our son didn’t seem to want to talk about his work, social life, whether he was working his program or much of anything else. He wasn’t particularly interested in doing any of the things I thought would be fun. My rosy expectations bore absolutely no resemblance to what really took place.
As a result, these visits left me feeling hurt, disappointed, frustrated, sad, regretful, hopeless and even a little angry. I definitely had to get my head into a better place.
With my Sponsor’s guidance, I began to study Al-Anon literature on the topic of expectations. I soon discovered that there is a close relationship between my expectations and my level of acceptance—or lack thereof—regarding the circumstances of my life. My expectations were unrealistic because I had not truly accepted the realities of my son’s life and their impact on mine. I was simply turning a blind eye to how things really were—not denial, but not full acceptance either.
In preparation for the most recent visit, I armed myself with lots of study, prayer, reflection, writing in my journal and a commitment to constantly seek my Higher Power’s guidance. I literally asked God to guide every word I said and everything I did. While I hoped the visit would be, at the very least, pleasant and congenial, I no longer harbored glowing images that had no roots in reality.
The visit went better than any of the previous ones, and afterward I felt somewhat at peace. There had been times of real connection and other periods when each of us just went our own way, giving each other plenty of space. I relaxed and didn’t try to force things into a mold that would never fit our life. I hope future visits will be even better, but I’m grateful to have learned a new way of dealing with my expectations that I can apply to all areas of my life.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA
I'm planning some episodes about parenting, but I need your help. Share your experience as the sober parent. What have you learned about being a parent to your alcoholic or addict child? How has recovery changed how you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more info...]]>
The Recovery Show 229 38:07
Trust and Trustworthy – Episode 228 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/#respond Wed, 13 Dec 2017 05:24:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4013 Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy? What is trust? firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary.com) Do you have or have had trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you … Continue reading "Trust and Trustworthy – Episode 228"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy? What is trust? firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary. Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy?

* What is trust?

* firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary.com)


* Do you have or have had trouble trusting other people?
* Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy?
* Do you have a Higher Power you can trust?
* What is the difference between trust and faith or is there a difference?
* If we developed an ability to trust, how have we done that?  with meetings?  the program/steps?  the tools? slogans? (I find that each of these has a role in developing trust).
* Can you trust yourself?
* Can others trust you?
* When I don’t trust someone what am I feeling?

* Fear.
* Fear of being judged – ties in with perfectionism, low self esteem, unloveable
* Fear of being hurt – emotionally, physically, intentionally and unintentionally.


* Trust to me is having the confidence that another person is not going to harm me intentionally.

* Sometimes the lack of trust is an issue on my side of the street
* Sometimes the other person has not shown themselves to be trustworthy
* Often I would assume that I couldn’t trust someone to be thoughtful of me because of my past experiences or my way of thinking.


* Slogans / Tools for building trust:

* One Step/Day at a Time (Tincture of Time)
* Act as If in less important situations
* Keep an Open Mind (helps with jumping to conclusions, esp. About negative intent)
* Let it begin with me


* Building others' trust in me

* Traditions – learning to co-exist with others
* Concepts – learning to work in an organization



Upcoming topics include parenting, being the sober parent, and being the parent of an addict or alcoholic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Trust in Me – Stewart Holloway from the Jungle Book movie

Trust – Christina Perri

Olivia O'Brien – Trust Issues


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The Recovery Show 228 1:30:41
Five Years of Recovery – Episode 227 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/#respond Wed, 06 Dec 2017 04:45:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3993 The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you? How did it happen? 6 years ago — the only … Continue reading "Five Years of Recovery – Episode 227"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/feed/ 0 The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you? How did it happen? The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you?

* How did it happen?

* 6 years ago — the only “podcasts” I listened to were NPR shows like “Car Talk” and “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me”.
* I first heard about recovery podcasts from my friend Mark, who produces “Recovered”
* I asked him to be my sponsor in early 2012, and he said “would you like to be in my podcast?”  I had to think about it!
* Started guest hosting in Recovered Spring 2012.
* Said “we should do an Al-Anon episode”. Mark responded “You should do an Al-Anon podcast!” What?!
* Thought about it. Talked to some friends about it. Decided to give it a try.
* Early December 2012, Kelli, Swetha, and I recorded our first “pilot” episode with a conversation about boundaries. The audio quality was not good, but we decided to post it anyway.
* I bought some microphones and a mixer, and by episode 4, we decided it was no longer a “pilot.”
* During the next 11 months we consistently had 3 hosts for each episode, and sometimes an additional guest.


* Changes!

* In October, 2012, Kelli and Swetha decided they could not continue with the podcast.
* What to do!?
* Episode 47, “Changes” records my reaction, as I tried to draw on my program tools, and move forward.
* I was challenged to find co-hosts, because I thought I needed to keep the conversational format we had developed in the preceding 11 months.
* Bringing in remote co-hosts.
* First remote co-host in episode 55 with Ruth from Germany!
* First solo episode: 66 “codependency”.  Challenging myself to do it differently, feeling insufficient.
* Later feedback is that people like both formats.


* Struggles

* Consistency: format, schedule
* Finding co-hosts
* Keeping track of requests and offers!
* Expectations — particularly what I expect you expect of me!


* Gratitudes

* That Mark suggested it
* That Kelli and Swetha were consistent co-hosts, co-creators in the first year.
* For all of you who express your gratitude to me.
* For all of you who contribute your ESH to the show.
* Especially for those who have co-hosted, or who have offered to co-host, even when I lost track of your offer.
* To Ruth and Akilah, who were my co-hosts for the Traditions and Concepts episodes.
* For your questions and topic suggestions.


* How has my recovery benefited?

* I have to “dive deep” into a recovery topic almost every week.
* I have to move outside my comfort zone, to reach out to co-hosts and ask them for the gift of their time.
* The “Step 10 inventory” aspect of “our week in recovery”.


* What now?

* Keep on as we have done?
* What changes would you like to see?
* Episode formats: conversation, solo, speaker.  What else?



Upcoming episodes include 3 parenting topics: being the sober parent in an alcoholic marriage, parenting an addict or alcoholic child, and parenting in general. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Lori McKenna – Drinkin' Problem

Michael Jackson – Man in the Mirror

Sam Cooke – A Change is Gonna Come

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The Recovery Show 44:20
Your Gratitude 2017 – Episode 226 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/#respond Sun, 26 Nov 2017 20:30:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3988 I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes. I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude and thankfulness. I'm sure I missed your favorite, so please email … Continue reading "Your Gratitude 2017 – Episode 226"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/feed/ 0 I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes. I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude ... I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes.
I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude and thankfulness. I'm sure I missed your favorite, so please email your suggestion (or comment below).
Next week's episode will mark 5 years of The Recovery Show. I will be looking back over the last 5 years. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Darius Rucker: This


 
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The Recovery Show 226 11:50
Parenting as an Adult Child of Alcoholics – Episode 225 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/#respond Wed, 22 Nov 2017 06:10:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3976 What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children? What program tools have you used, and how have they helped? What is your biggest challenge now? Several listeners shared their experience around these and similar questions. Some challenges were Not controlling. Anger Impatience “Hurt people hurt people” … Continue reading "Parenting as an Adult Child of Alcoholics – Episode 225"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/feed/ 0 What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children? What program tools have you used, and how have they helped? What is your biggest challenge now? Several listeners shared their experience around these an...

* What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children?
* What program tools have you used, and how have they helped?
* What is your biggest challenge now?

Several listeners shared their experience around these and similar questions.
Some challenges were

* Not controlling.
* Anger
* Impatience
* “Hurt people hurt people”

And some tools for better parenting include these:

* Step 10 — apologize and make amends to our children.

* Demonstrate humility and honesty — see it in the children


* Tradition 11 — let it begin with me (attraction rather than promotion)
* Tradition 1 — unity — guard against dominance — not about “me” but about the family
* Tradition 2 — a trusted servant (a trustee) to the children — they have their own higher power
* Tradition 4 — autonomy except where it affects others
* Tradition 10 — no opinion on outside issues — let the child dress how she or he wants to dress
* Tradition 7 — self supporting — allow children opportunity to be self supporting to build dignity, respect, responsibility.
* Concepts of service — shared responsibility (co-parenting)

* We love the presentation in the Reaching for Personal Freedom workbook, because it helps us understand how we can use the Traditions and Concepts in our own lives, in our families, and other relationships.


* Step 11 — “I don’t own my children, God owns them” — need knowledge of God’s will.
* Easy does it
* How important is it?
* Detaching with love.

* “Don’t argue with alcoholics, toddlers, and terrorists.”
* Let them express emotions without needing to change them


* Sharing program with children.
* “What am I hurt about?”
* Pause — the “Al-Anon breath”

Our topic for next week is gratitude. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share something you are grateful for today.

Music from the show
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Parents Just Don't Understand

John Mayer – Daughters

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – Teach your Children

 
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The Recovery Show 225 1:21:39
Gratitude – Episode 224 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/#comments Tue, 14 Nov 2017 03:02:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3971 As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for? Here are some things I am grateful for That I have a program of recovery. Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving. That my adult children choose to spend time with me … Continue reading "Gratitude – Episode 224"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/feed/ 4 As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for? Here are some things I am grateful for That I have a program of recovery. Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving. As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for?
Here are some things I am grateful for

* That I have a program of recovery.
* Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving.
* That my adult children choose to spend time with me and share their life with me.
* Although it snowed Thursday evening, on Friday morning it was sunny and pretty.
* That, as a sponsee reminded me, I have a roof over my head, a furnace that works, and a warm blanket.
* That you share your experience, strength, and hope with me and with the other listeners of this podcast. You make the podcast better and stronger by your presence.

What are you grateful for? Call or email with one thing you are grateful for this year, this month, or just today. Or, if you wish, share a gratitude list with us. I will compile your responses into an episode to be published on the US Thanksgiving weekend (last weekend in November). Please send your contribution by November 25, 2017.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
I read a bit from this Vox article about the Netflix show Jessica Jones, and its depiction of drug use and addiction.
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The Recovery Show 18:04
Sally C. open talk http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/#respond Mon, 06 Nov 2017 23:02:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3965 I got a lot from this open talk by Sally C, speaking in 1984. A couple highlights from her talk: She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it? What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why maybe they shouldn't … Continue reading "Sally C. open talk"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/feed/ 0 I got a lot from this open talk by Sally C, speaking in 1984. A couple highlights from her talk: She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it? What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why... She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it?
What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why maybe they shouldn't have that slogan around that says “think, think, think”! What event lead her to this realization? What was the result?
 
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The Recovery Show 1:01:55
(In)sanity and (Un)manageability – Episode 222 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/#respond Tue, 31 Oct 2017 04:14:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3961 How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life? Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How? How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? Spencer reflects on these questions. How would you answer these questions? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with … Continue reading "(In)sanity and (Un)manageability – Episode 222"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/feed/ 0 How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life? Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How? How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? Spencer reflects on these questions. How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
Spencer reflects on these questions.
How would you answer these questions? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Jamila Woods: Holy

 
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The Recovery Show 29:31
Fran G Open Talk – Episode 221 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/#comments Wed, 25 Oct 2017 12:03:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3957 We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/feed/ 1 We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991. We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991.
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The Recovery Show 50:57
Courage – Episode 220 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/#respond Tue, 17 Oct 2017 04:54:11 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3948 How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? We use the word “courage” a lot in this program. Most of our meetings start with the serenity prayer: God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I … Continue reading "Courage – Episode 220"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/feed/ 0 How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can?

* We use the word “courage” a lot in this program. Most of our meetings start with the serenity prayer:
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
* What does the word “courage” mean to you?

* In the past?
* Now?


* When were some moments in which you found “the courage to change the things you can”?

* Coming into your first Al-Anon meeting?
* Sharing in a meeting?
* Calling another Al-Anon member?
* Asking someone to be your sponsor?
* Setting (and holding to) a boundary?
* Not enabling your loved one.
* Taking your 4th step inventory?
* Sharing your “wrongs” with someone in the 5th step?
* Making amends?


* How have you found courage in recovery?

* Faith and trust in the program, sponsor, higher power.
* Little steps lead to confidence in bigger steps.


* Finding the courage live your own life with your authentic truth. (24 hours at a time.)
* Step 11 “power to carry that out” == courage

Upcoming topics include parenting. As an adult child of an alcoholic, how can you not pass that on to your own children? What have you learned in recovery about being a better parent? Or, alternatively, what is your experience as the parent of an alcoholic or addict? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener called, looking for an e-book version of the Blueprint for Recovery 4th step workbook. To my knowledge, this is not (yet) available in electronic format. Some Al-Anon literature is available as E-Books. A variety of small publications are also available for free download from the Al-Anon website.

Music from the show
The Killers: Rut

Fleetwood Mac: Landslide

The Wizard of Oz: If I only had the Nerve


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The Recovery Show 220 57:39
3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis – Episode 219 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/#respond Tue, 10 Oct 2017 03:53:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3945 Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it. We explore the 3 P's, guided by the questions below and with shares from listeners. How do Perfection, Procrastination, and Paralysis connect to each other? How have I experienced perfection(ism) in my life? … Continue reading "3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis – Episode 219"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it. Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it.
We explore the 3 P's, guided by the questions below and with shares from listeners.

* How do Perfection, Procrastination, and Paralysis connect to each other?
* How have I experienced perfection(ism) in my life?
* How (and why) do I procrastinate?

* What is the payoff from procrastinating?


* When do I experience paralysis?

* What behaviors do I exhibit then?


* How can I use the “6 P’s”(from our book Paths to Recovery) of Step six?  Thanks to Cleaning Out the Old Toolbox blog for these reflections:

* Perspective: think of defects of character as “survival skills that no longer serve me”. Since my Higher Power wants more for me than mere survival, I can let them go and trust that I will develop healthy behaviors and thinking.
* Pain: Whenever the pain of staying the same hurts more than the pain of change, that’s the time when I will be ready.
* Prayer: My part is to pray for openness & willingness; God’s part is to do the removing.
* Patience: God gets to choose when and how fast He will remove my defects of character.
* Process: Quite possibly, this is a grief process of denial, anger, bargaining and depression.
* Payoff: The bottom line–what am I getting out of holding on to some of these defects of character? What is still good about it?


* How can I let go of 3 P’s?

* Slogans

* Progress, not perfection
* First things first
* How Important is it?
* Do the next right thing.
* Keep it simple.
* Easy does it.
* Let go and let God.


* Steps

* Step 4 — identify my character traits
* Step 5 — be honest about them!
* Step 6 — become ready to let go of what is not helping me
* Step 7 — Ask for the help (and practise new behavior)


* Acceptance that nothing is/will be perfect. Ever.
* Gratitude



Our upcoming topic is courage. The word courage appears in the serenity prayer, from which the title of one of our daily meditation books was taken: Courage to Change. How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Episodes mentioned in this show are: Episode 203, Adult Children of Alcoholics; Episode 200, Daddy's Medicine; and Episode 22, Parents' Roundtable.

Music from the show
The Exciters: Tell Him

Elvis Presley: A Little Less Conversation

Forest: Much Ado about Nothing

 
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The Recovery Show 219 54:50
Charlotte I Open Talk – Episode 218 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/#respond Tue, 03 Oct 2017 01:39:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3942 I really enjoyed and connected with this open talk by Charlotte I. I hope you do, too. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/feed/ 0 An open talk by Charlotte I I really enjoyed and connected with this open talk by Charlotte I. I hope you do, too.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 218 1:00:38
Spencer T Open Talk – Episode 217 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/#respond Tue, 26 Sep 2017 04:44:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3939 An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now? It includes reflections on: Learning at a young age that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone's problems. Learning codependent behavior — … Continue reading "Spencer T Open Talk – Episode 217"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/feed/ 0 An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now? It includes reflections on: Learning at a young age that it was ... An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now?
It includes reflections on:

* Learning at a young age that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone's problems.
* Learning codependent behavior — that I could not be happy unless everyone around me was happy.
* What happens when these behaviors meet up with alcoholism? (Hint: it's not pretty.)
* How long did it take before I finally realized I needed help? And that Al-Anon might be the place to find it?
* What did early recovery look like for me?
* How did I find an answer to that question that plagues so many of us: “Should I stay or should I go?”
* What did the steps look like when I first encountered them? What do they mean to me now?
* How has recovery helped and supported me in all aspects of my life?

Please consider sharing your story for our upcoming 5-year anniversary episode in early December, 2017. See our contact page for information on how you can contribute your voice.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:06:11
Willingness – Episode 216 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/#comments Tue, 19 Sep 2017 12:15:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3937 A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, “Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?” What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from? Definition What does this word mean to me today? How is that … Continue reading "Willingness – Episode 216"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/feed/ 1 A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, "Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?" What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from? A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, “Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?” What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from?

* Definition
* What does this word mean to me today?
* How is that different from how I understood it in the past?
* Where does willingness appear in the Steps?
* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
* But also: Step 4 — willingness to look deeply at ourselves.
* Step 5 and 6 — willingness to change.
* Step 11 — willingness to deepen our relationship with a higher power.
* In fact, we can find it in all the steps!
* Eric noted that you can put the word “willing” in front of each step: Step 1, “Became willing to admit we were powerless…”, etc.
* Acronym: HOW — Honest, Open, and Willing. This is HOW the program of recovery works.
* How did I become willing?

* Examples of others — your stories of using the principles of the program in your own recovery helped me be willing to try them for myself.
* Pain — “hitting bottom” over and over in different ways. Eventually willing to try something, anything new.



A few tidbits from the episode:
Psychology Today article: 5 Ways to Really Get Closer to Each Other
Phone meetings web site.
And the quote from Marilyn Monroe that Spencer mentioned: “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Prince: Willing and Able

Jason Mraz: I'm Yours

Rush: One Little Victory

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:08:38
Welcome – Episode 215 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/#respond Tue, 05 Sep 2017 03:58:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3922 How were you made welcome to recovery? How are we welcoming to others? This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in the Al-Anon program. I reflect on the poem … Continue reading "Welcome – Episode 215"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/feed/ 0 How were you made welcome to recovery? How are we welcoming to others? This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in... How were you made welcome to recovery?
How are we welcoming to others?
This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in the Al-Anon program. I reflect on the poem with these questions.

* How did I receive the welcome expressed in this poem?
* How have I gifted this welcome to others?
* How have I failed to be welcoming?
* How can I be more welcoming?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Thanks to Margaret Wolff for permission to share her poem in this episode. Purchase the book In Sweet Company: Conversations With Extraordinary Women About Living A Spiritual Life from Amazon, or visit her website In Sweet Company.

Music from the show
Björk: Come to me

Kelly Clarkson: Hello

Pink: F**king Perfect

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The Recovery Show 1:02:04
Sadness and Loneliness – Episode 214 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/#respond Fri, 01 Sep 2017 03:54:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3913 How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings? Eric and Spencer explore loneliness, sadness, and recovery guided in part by these questions. Definitions. Sad, despair, isolated, grief, loss, How did you deal with (or not deal with) sadness before recovery? … Continue reading "Sadness and Loneliness – Episode 214"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/feed/ 0 How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between lonely and alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings? How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings?
Eric and Spencer explore loneliness, sadness, and recovery guided in part by these questions.

* Definitions.

* Sad, despair, isolated, grief, loss,


* How did you deal with (or not deal with) sadness before recovery?

* What brought you sadness?
* What other emotions went with it?
* How did you act?


* When were you lonely?

* What other emotions went with it?
* What was your “self-talk” when you were lonely?
* How did you act?


* How has your recovery changed this?
* How is being lonely different from being alone?
* Did you used to resist being alone?
* How has that changed?

We made reference to a couple of articles from Psychology Today.
The Surprising Antidote to Loneliness
The Value of Sadness
A previous episode on Hope (episode 65) was mentioned.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Smokey Robinson and the Miracles: The Tears of a Clown

Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa: Scared to be Lonely

Train: I'm about to come Alive

Our “bumper” music is Teleportationism by Mad Hugs. Our thanks to the artist for permission to use it.
Mad Hugs – Whale by Mad Hugs
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The Recovery Show 1:07:44
Cynthia C Open Talk – Episode 213 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/#comments Tue, 22 Aug 2017 02:00:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3910 An open talk by Cynthia C, speaking in 1986. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/feed/ 3 An open talk by Cynthia C, speaking in 1986. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 46:31
I didn’t get sober for this shit – Episode 212 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/#comments Tue, 15 Aug 2017 03:06:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3906 What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add? I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.” I related to it in so many ways, and I'll share a few with you in this episode. I'd love … Continue reading "I didn’t get sober for this shit – Episode 212"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/feed/ 2 What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add? I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.” I related to it in so many ways, What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add?
I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.
I related to it in so many ways, and I'll share a few with you in this episode. I'd love to hear how you connect. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Alanis Morissette – That I would be Good

Tracy Chapman – Fast Car

Eminem – Going through Changes

 
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The Recovery Show 55:47
Kindness and Courtesy – Episode 211 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/#comments Wed, 02 Aug 2017 12:39:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3900 How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones? Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives. What is kindness? What is courtesy? Ways of being kind and courteous: Smiling and saying “hi” … Continue reading "Kindness and Courtesy – Episode 211"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/feed/ 2 How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones? Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives. How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones?
Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives.

* What is kindness?
* What is courtesy?
* Ways of being kind and courteous:

* Smiling and saying “hi” to people I interact with in my daily life — bus driver, checkout person at the grocery store, co-workers.
* Realizing that the person who cut me off on the highway has their issues, and those are not mine is being kind to myself.
* Responding courteously to anger keeps me calmer and may defuse a tense situation.
* Keeping my mouth shut when I want to lash out!


* We read from Al-Anon literature:

* How Al-Anon Works, chapter 12, Communication, the section “How we say what we say”. (Also available as a Kindle e-b0ok.)
* Courage to Change, April 13. (Kindle version.)
* One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 20 and October 25.


* And from a couple of articles from Psychology Today:

* Kindness
* The Positive Psychology of Kindness



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Glen Campbell: Try a Little Kindness

Serena Gomez: Kill 'em with Kindness

Jackson Browne: Tender is the Night

 
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The Recovery Show 50:25
Living with death – Episode 210 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/#comments Thu, 27 Jul 2017 03:17:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3897 Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past? This show is sort of a story in 3 parts. First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one. Next, D shares her experience … Continue reading "Living with death – Episode 210"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/feed/ 1 Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past? This show is sort of a story in 3 parts. First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one. Next, Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past?
This show is sort of a story in 3 parts.
First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one.
Next, D shares her experience and feelings around the death of her loved one.
Finally, Michelle explores the ways in which recovery has helped her in accepting the deaths of her parents, which occurred long before she found this program.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Aerosmith: Amazing

The Verve: The Drugs Don't Work

 
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The Recovery Show 1:01:41
Mary Pearl T on Steps 6-9 – Episode 209 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/#comments Tue, 11 Jul 2017 14:49:14 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3892 Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. This is part of a longer talk, so it starts in the middle of an anecdote. She talks here about Steps 6, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”, 7, “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings”, 8, “Made … Continue reading "Mary Pearl T on Steps 6-9 – Episode 209"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/feed/ 2 Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. She talks here about Steps 6, 7, 8, and 9. Her talk is full of stories from her own life, which make me grin, make me think, and make me cry. Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. This is part of a longer talk, so it starts in the middle of an anecdote. She talks here about Steps 6, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”, 7, “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings”, 8, “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all,” and 9, “Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Her talk is full of stories from her own life, which make me grin, make me think, and make me cry.
On Step 8: “I had hurt nearly everyone that I had ever come in contact with that I had allowed to care for me.”
She ends with her understanding of the promises.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:22:26
Humility – Episode 208 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/#comments Tue, 04 Jul 2017 04:32:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3888 Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change? Definition from Merriam-Webster:  freedom from pride or arrogance :  the quality or state of being humble What is the difference between humility and humiliation? Some have compared humility to teachability. How do you understand this statement? How does humility help keep me … Continue reading "Humility – Episode 208"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/feed/ 2 Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change? Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change?
Definition from Merriam-Webster:  freedom from pride or arrogance :  the quality or state of being humble

* What is the difference between humility and humiliation?
* Some have compared humility to teachability. How do you understand this statement?
* How does humility help keep me from trying to control people and situations?
* How Al-Anon Works says “True humility is based upon letting go of self-will and relying instead upon the will of our Higher Power.”
* In the “Lois’s Story” chapter in How Al-Anon Works, she writes, “‘Humbly’ was a word I never fully understood. It used to seem servile to me. Today it means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.”
* What is the connection between anonymity, as we practice it, and humility?
* How is humility part of taking care of ourselves, rather than taking care of others?

Eric read from “The Paradoxical Power of Humility“.
Upcoming topics include “the 3 P's”, perfection, procrastination, and paralysis. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Melissa Etheridge: If I Only Wanted To

Tim McGraw: Humble and Kind

Mary Lambert: Secrets

 
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The Recovery Show 56:08
Controlling Behavior – Episode 207 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/#respond Tue, 27 Jun 2017 03:32:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3883 Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to? I recently started working the steps with an AWOL group (A Way Of Life). In our first meeting, we agreed to address the first 5 questions about Step 1 in the … Continue reading "Controlling Behavior – Episode 207"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/feed/ 0 Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to? Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to?
I recently started working the steps with an AWOL group (A Way Of Life). In our first meeting, we agreed to address the first 5 questions about Step 1 in the book Paths to Recovery. (Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.)

* Do I accept that I cannot control another person’s drinking? Another person’s behavior?
* How do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?
* Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does that change how I deal with a drinker?
* How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?
* What means have I used to get what I want and need? What might work better to get my needs met?

Upcoming topics include “the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis”. We will also be addressing more questions from Paths to Recovery: How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond? What would happen if I stopped trying to change the alcoholic or anyone else? How can I let go of another's problems instead of trying to solve them? Am I looking for a quick fix to my problems? Is there one? In what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people? In what situations do I feel shame or embarrassment for someone else's behavior?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Lesley Gore: You Don't Own Me

3 Days Grace: Just Like You

The Pretenders: I'll Stand By You

A Spotify playlist with some of the songs considered for this episode:

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The Recovery Show 44:17
It’s the Journey – Episode 206 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/#respond Tue, 13 Jun 2017 11:35:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3878 How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never “get it”? Recently, I heard a couple of statements that, in my head, connected to recovery. “We are not defined by what we did or who we were. Those are only the things that brought us … Continue reading "It’s the Journey – Episode 206"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/feed/ 0 How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never "get it"? Recovery is a journey. How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never “get it”?
Recently, I heard a couple of statements that, in my head, connected to recovery.
“We are not defined by what we did or who we were. Those are only the things that brought us to who we are now.”
“This is who I am now, and I know I will be different later. Life is about the journey, not the destination.”
Exploring these ideas:

* What are my expectations of myself?
* How are they shaped by my past experience?
* In what ways do they not match my current reality?
* How do I know?
* What program tools can help me see that I am not my past?

* Inventory (Step 4)
* Gratitude list.


* What tools can help me be more the person I want to be?

* Detachment
* Committing to change (Steps 6 & 7)
* Amends (Steps 8, 9, 10)
* Spiritual connection (Step 11)


* How does seeing life as a journey feed my serenity?

* Slogans: Progress not perfection. (not an official Al-Anon slogan?)
* Easy does it.
* One day at a time.



Upcoming topics include “The 3 P's: Perfection, Paralysis, and Procrastination”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Allman Brothers: Change my way of Living

Otis Redding: A Change is Gonna Come

Indigo Girls: Closer to Fine

 
 
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The Recovery Show 41:51
Corrie L. Open Talk – Episode 205 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/#comments Tue, 06 Jun 2017 03:05:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3872 I connected with a lot of what Corrie shared. I hope you enjoy her talk as much as I did. Upcoming topics include the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis. Do you find it hard to get started because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions … Continue reading "Corrie L. Open Talk – Episode 205"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/feed/ 4 An open talk by Corrie L. speaking in 2014. Upcoming topics include the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis. Do you find it hard to get started because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:32:01
My Body, My Codependency – Episode 204 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/#comments Tue, 30 May 2017 02:12:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3861 The pit of my stomach is churning. My neck and shoulders are tense. I don’t have any energy. My whole body is out of whack. Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and our health. How was my body affected … Continue reading "My Body, My Codependency – Episode 204"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/feed/ 1 The pit of my stomach is churning. My neck and shoulders are tense. I don’t have any energy. My whole body is out of whack. Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and o... The pit of my stomach is churning.
My neck and shoulders are tense.
I don’t have any energy.
My whole body is out of whack.
Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and our health.

* How was my body affected by the alcoholism in my house?

* Laying awake at night worrying — tired and sleepy all the time.
* “Knot in my stomach” — From “awfulizing” and “catastrophizing” the future and worrying about the present.
* Anger and resentment — tension in my body — muscle pain


* I had no energy for anything other than stewing about my situation.

* No exercise
* Poor eating habits (junk food)
* Weight gain
* Resulting in even less energy


* The things I did to try to dull the pain.

* Eating
* My own drinking


* Feedback effects

* Not taking care of my body leads to loss of energy
* Leading to depressed feelings.
* And worry about my health.
* Without the energy to “fix” it..
* Leading to more not taking care of my body.


* How does recovery change things?
* Letting go

* When I can “let go and let God”, I can loosen the knot of worry. I can relax the tension of anger and resentment. I can get go bed at a reasonable time, because I’m not sitting up late with worry or anger (or both!)


* “Take care of myself”

* Easier to do when I start letting go of taking care of my loved one.
* Eat “right”.
* Get some exercise.
* Getting enough sleep.


* Breathe
* Meditate

* Practice being still
* Relaxing physical tension


* HALT — Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired — When I am these things, I am more likely to “act out”. Being aware of the state of my body can help me live a calmer, more serene life.
* Putting myself (my health, my well-being) first

* Putting on my own oxygen mask
* Learning to support rather than control
* Practicing gratitude and acceptance



Readings
From Courage to Change: January 21, July 21, August 16, December 19.
From How Al-Anon Works: Chapter 12, Taking Care of Ourselves.

* Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Lissie: In Sleep

R.E.M: Aftermath

Télépopmusik: Breathe

Spotify playlist

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The Recovery Show 1:02:37
Adult Children of Alcoholics – Episode 203 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/#comments Wed, 24 May 2017 02:46:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3775 Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences? The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program that focused on recovery from their experiences growing up in … Continue reading "Adult Children of Alcoholics – Episode 203"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/feed/ 2 Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences? The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program tha... Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences?
The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program that focused on recovery from their experiences growing up in alcoholic or dysfunctional families. It is a separate 12-step program similar to, but separate from Al-Anon. Emily joins Spencer to explore how ACA is different from but also works together with Al-Anon in her recovery.
Our conversation was guided by these questions.

What is ACA?

Maybe talk a little about the history? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/EarlyHistory.s)
Fellow travelers – What we call fellow ACA’s


How is it different from Al-Anon?

The focus of Al-Anon is on adult issues or spousal drinking, vs childhood issues in ACA.


What is the “laundry list”? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Laundry_List)
How is the first step of ACA different? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Steps)

“We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Why is this important?


How do ACA meetings differ from Al-Anon meetings?

Inclusion
No crosstalk


How are they the same?

Common topics


How has ACA helped you recover?
What would you say to someone who is considering attending ACA?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa: Scared to be Lonely

Lissie: Worried About

Cage the Elephant: Come a little Closer

 
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The Recovery Show 1:28:57
Letting go of the Process – Episode 105 replay http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/#respond Tue, 16 May 2017 04:16:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3771 Another busy weekend: Mothers Day and yard work. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Letting go of the Process – Episode 105 replay appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/feed/ 0 Another busy weekend: Mothers Day and yard work. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:20:38
Sam V. Open Talk – Episode 202 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/#comments Tue, 09 May 2017 02:02:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3760 I really enjoyed this open talk by Sam V., who describes himself as “a man who thinks too much.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/feed/ 2 An open talk by Sam V. Speaking in 2017. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 58:23
In All Our Affairs – Episode 201 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/#respond Tue, 02 May 2017 19:50:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3748 Step 12 says “… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs“. It's easy to say but harder to do. Al-Anon doesn't do me much good if I pick and choose where I'm going to put it into practice. Program works best when I embrace it wholeheartedly: give up my excuses, rationalizations, … Continue reading "In All Our Affairs – Episode 201"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/feed/ 0 Step 12 says "… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs". It's easy to say but harder to do. Step 12 says “… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs“. It's easy to say but harder to do.
Al-Anon doesn't do me much good if I pick and choose where I'm going to put it into practice. Program works best when I embrace it wholeheartedly: give up my excuses, rationalizations, justifications,
and work to make the principles a part of my daily, hourly, life. (…In All Our Affairs, Al-Anon Family Groups)
How do we take these things we talk about in here and try to learn from the meetings, and actually use / apply them to life, every day, in every way possible? Not just with our alcoholic or addicts, but with the line at the grocery store or the dreaded dmv, the person who insults or acts unkindly toward us, cuts us off in traffic, acts rudely or with hostility or anger, or takes advantage of us….?
I “carry” a “tool box” full of Alanon Slogans and sayings, and a spiritual canteen of positive past results experienced for times when I need refreshment or reminders of these results, in Life, not in the rooms. My tools are kept lubricated by prayer and meditation, calls to my sponsor and fellow members, reading, listening on phone meetings, participating in the program in various ways through service, attending meetings, and carrying the message to others by example and attraction.
Some things I do differently now:

* Asking for help.
* Taking responsibility for my actions. (Not blaming the cop for giving me a ticket.)
* Saying “no”.
* Doing my part and letting go of expectations of outcomes.
* Pause before I react. Slogans “THINK”, “How important is it?” are helpful.
* Using “neutral responses” such as “That’s Interesting”, “Let me think about that”, “I hear you”, “you don’t say”, “that’s one way to look at it”, or my favorite “Ah-Ha” or “Oh”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brandon Heath: Give Me Your Eyes

Jason Mraz: Living in the Moment

Mavis Staples: You are not Alone

Eric sent me this photo of his page of “neutral responses”. May they be of use to you.

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The Recovery Show 1:04:20
Daddy’s Medicine – Brinn Black – Episode 200 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/#comments Tue, 25 Apr 2017 09:56:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3742 Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Our conversation with Brinn was guided by these questions: Brinn, I have to say that the first few lines just grabbed my heart: When you're five you don't know there's a stranger … Continue reading "Daddy’s Medicine – Brinn Black – Episode 200"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/feed/ 3 Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Our conversation with Brinn was guided by these questions:
Brinn, I have to say that the first few lines just grabbed my heart:
When you're five you don't know
there's a stranger in your home
it's quiet but it's dangerous.
But a child's heart can tell
the meaning of a yell
Although I did not grow up in a home with alcoholism, my children did. I saw their life from the outside, but not the inside.
What inspired you to write this song?
Can you tell us more about your experience as a child with an alcoholic father?
You have said “it tore your family apart” — did he, or the rest of you, leave because of the drinking?
I used to think that my love could conquer alcoholism. So I find the lyrics of the chorus particularly poignant:
How different my life would have been
if my love were stronger than
my Daddy's medicine.
I believe that these lines express the wish and hope of every one of us who has experienced the pain of living with active alcoholism. How did you mean these lines when you wrote them?
How has this song helped you and your family to heal?
How has this song been received when you perform it?
Where do you find yourself in your journey to recovery from your childhood experience?
What has helped you in this struggle?
Many of my listeners are still living with the effects of alcoholism. What would you say to someone who grew up affected by alcoholism, and is still working to “get over it”?
Our topic for next week is “in all our affairs”. How do you use your recovery tools and principles in your daily life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brinn Black: Daddy's Medicine

Jason Shaw: Serenity

Brinn talked about her experience watching this video of a dance set to Sara Bareilles's song Gravity.

 
 
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The Recovery Show 43:29
Roll Away the Stone – Episode 199 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/#comments Tue, 18 Apr 2017 01:02:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3738 Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away? Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16: When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of … Continue reading "Roll Away the Stone – Episode 199"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/feed/ 1 Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away? Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16: When the Sabbath was over, Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away?
Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16:
When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”
They were sure that they would not be able to roll it away themselves. And this is where many of us were when we came to Al-Anon. We were closed into the darkness of the tomb by a large stone, which we don’t know how to roll away and let the light in.
How did we get there?
I can speak only for myself.
Over the years, I slowly withdrew from active participation in life. I took “refuge from the world” and wrapped myself “in the security of darkness.” Although my life may have appeared normal on the outside, inside, I was numb and withdrawn. There was so much I (felt I) couldn’t share. So much shame and fear and anger and resentment that could not be expressed. I carried those “secret yearnings, pains frustrations, loneliness, fears, regrets, worries” hidden in the tomb, behind the stone.
Each time I failed at my self appointed task of “fixing” my loved one’s drinking … Each time I found a new reason for frustration and despair … Each time I followed my fear down the rabbit hole to inevitable ruin… Each time I exploded in rage at some slight provocation … Each of those times, I retreated further into the darkness of the tomb of my soul.
There is surely some comfort in numbness, in darkness, in retreat. I could turn inward and curl up, and escape the worries for a time. But even if my soul was entombed in darkness, my body still had to live in the world outside. There was no permanent escape, and each day I dug in a little deeper, numbed a little more.
As with the biblical story, I did not know how (or if) I could “roll away the stone.” And, actually, because the change had been so gradual, over such a time, I really did not recognize the depth of my entombment. It took a brief awakening, a “moment of clarity” to see that I was in the dark, and that I needed help.
The book of Mark continues “But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe …”  They had the help of a power greater than themselves, symbolized by the “young man dressed in a white robe”.
And so it is with many of us. We need help to roll away our own stone, to let the light in and ourselves out of the place we have  walled ourselves into. I found that help in Al-Anon.
My stone was not immediately removed, but I did start to let some light in. I began to open a crack in the shell around my fears, my despair, my resentments, and my anger. I found a place in meetings where I could shine the light of day on my shame. I found a place where life didn’t hurt so much. I found a place where the facts of my life with active alcoholism were accepted and understood. I found a place where you loved me even when I didn’t love myself.
This didn’t come for free. I had to do my part. At the beginning, my part was just coming to meetings. The hardest step of all, for me, preceded “Step 1”. It was the step into the room of my first Al-Anon meeting.
Another step was practicing “Let go (and let God)”. At first it was just “Let go”. Let go of trying to control the drinking. Let go of trying to protect her from the consequences of her actions. Let go of trying to force consequences! This was letting go without any belief in a higher power that might protect her ...]]>
The Recovery Show 41:13
Father Tom W Open Talk – Episode 198 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/#comments Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:39:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3736 As promised, here is one of my favorite recovery speakers, Father Tom W. sharing his experience, strength, and hope in Al-Anon. Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Father Tom W Open Talk – Episode 198 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/feed/ 2 As promised, here is one of my favorite recovery speakers, Father Tom W. sharing his experience, strength, and hope in Al-Anon. Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow... Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 55:20
Obsessive Thinking – Episode 197 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/#respond Tue, 04 Apr 2017 03:24:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3730 Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop? What is obsessive thinking? What are some other words? Wallowing (in negativity/fear/anger) Resentment (as we discussed last week) Ruminating / chewing over (past wrongs / future problems) Looping What sorts of … Continue reading "Obsessive Thinking – Episode 197"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/feed/ 0 Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop our obsessive thinking? Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop?

* What is obsessive thinking? What are some other words?

* Wallowing (in negativity/fear/anger)
* Resentment (as we discussed last week)
* Ruminating / chewing over (past wrongs / future problems)
* Looping


* What sorts of obsessive thoughts do I have? (… have I had?)

* Getting the alcoholic to stop drinking.
* Counting drinks.
* The problems I had in my life (as a result of the drinking).
* Money problems.
* What could happen (the worst, of course).
* Things I did that I feel shame about (kicking myself over and over.)


* Why is it a problem?

* Takes time from things I can do.
* Depresses my mood.
* Sleeplessness.
* “We who have been affected by someone else’s drinking find ourselves inexplicably haunted by insecurity, fear, guilt, obsession with others, or an overwhelming need to control every person and situation we encounter.” How Al-Anon Works Chapter 1


* Tools for relieving obsessive thinking?

* Detachment
* Slogans: “How important is it?”, “One day at a time”, “Just for today”, “Let go and let God”
* THINK / Pause (Courage to Change – Mar 4) Before I get into trouble, before I open my mouth to react, or get lost in obsessive analysis of another person’s behavior, or worrying about the future, I can Stop. Then I can Look at what is going on and my role in it. Then I can Listen for spiritual guidance that will remind me of my options and help me find healthy words and actions.
* Letting go
* Gratitude list

* Often I’ll detour at a particular letter and find myself giving thanks for apples and alexandrites, apothecaries and astronauts, ants and anchovies, or bottles and bakeries, bumblebees and blueberries, bathtubs and brushes. The more overwhelming the problem I’m entertaining, the more my gratitude list helps me. First, by taking my mind off of my obsession, and second, by reminding me of the multitude of delightful and peculiar items in the world around me. (Having Had a Spiritual Awakening Chapter 8)







* Think of something positive: “… when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I may do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive, such as an Al-Anon slogan, the Serenity Prayer, or another comforting topic that has nothing to do with my problem.” Courage to Change Nov 1.
* Do something: listen to music, go for a walk, play a game, do a puzzle …
* Serenity Prayer (praying for HP will)

* ‘We can pray, “Am I too far gone, or can you help me get out of my isolated self-obsession?” We can say anything to God. It’s all prayer.’ Anne Lamott Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers (p. 5).


* “God Box”

* On a note, I write down the name of the person about whom I am so distressed or angry, or describe the situation that is killing me, with which I am so toxically, crazily obsessed, and I fold the note up, stick it in the box and close it. You might have a brief moment of prayer, and it might come out sounding like this: “Here. You think you’re so big? Fine. You deal with it. Although I have a few more excellent ideas on how best to proceed.” Help, Thanks, Wow (p. 36).

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The Recovery Show 57:03
Resentment – Episode 196 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/#comments Tue, 28 Mar 2017 12:48:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3723 Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments? What is a “resentment”? Why is it a problem? Where do you find your resentments stem from? Anger at a past injury? Others not doing things “your way”? One method of working Step 4 (“searching and … Continue reading "Resentment – Episode 196"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/feed/ 1 Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments? Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments?

* What is a “resentment”?
* Why is it a problem?
* Where do you find your resentments stem from?

* Anger at a past injury?
* Others not doing things “your way”?


* One method of working Step 4 (“searching and fearless moral inventory”) starts by listing resentments.

* Why do you think that is?
* Why can this be a useful way of digging into our inventory?


* The book How Al-Anon Works talks about resentment in the chapter titled “Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness”.

* How do these tools help relieve our resentments?
* What other tools do you use?
* Gratitude
* Inventory
* Taking a fresh look — maybe the behavior has changed and I don’t recognize it



Upcoming topics include Alateen, Parenting, and Obsessive Thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Psychology Today: 10 Steps to Letting go of Resentment
Tiny Buddha: 4 Powerful Tips to Reduce Resentment and Feel Happier
Music from the show
Beyoncé: Resentment

Matchbox Twenty: Disease

Steven Curtis Chapman: Miracle of the Moment

 
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The Recovery Show 1:13:59
What is Al-Anon – Episode 195 – Episode 10 redux http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/#respond Tue, 21 Mar 2017 01:34:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3717 What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps? In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, too. Upcoming topics include resentment. What do you resent? … Continue reading "What is Al-Anon – Episode 195 – Episode 10 redux"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/feed/ 0 What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps? In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps?
In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, too.
Upcoming topics include resentment. What do you resent? How is that hurting you? And what can you do about it? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener mentioned the book Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses
.

Music from the show
Jeff Buckley: Hallelujah

Michael Jackson: The Man in the Mirror

 
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The Recovery Show 1:08:10
March Roundup 2017 – Episode 194 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/#comments Tue, 14 Mar 2017 02:13:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3713 This weekend, my wife and I attended March Roundup 2017, an AA convention in Dearborn, Michigan. In this episode, I reflect on that experience and hope to inspire you to attend an AA or Al-Anon convention in your area. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, … Continue reading "March Roundup 2017 – Episode 194"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/feed/ 1 This weekend, my wife and I attended March Roundup 2017, an AA convention in Dearborn, Michigan. I reflect on that experience and hope to inspire you to attend an AA or Al-Anon convention in your area. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A couple of listeners asked about online meetings. Here are some resources that I know of:
In the Rooms is an online recovery community with a forum and a variety of online recovery meetings. I have participated in the Al-Anon meeting a few times. You can join from your computer with video or audio, according to your preference.
The official Al-Anon website has listings of phone meetings and online meetings.
This is not the talk that Tom W gave at the convention, but you might identify or at least chuckle if you listen to it.
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The Recovery Show 45:10
Buck N Open Talk – Episode 193 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/#respond Tue, 07 Mar 2017 00:44:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3709 I recently listened to this open talk from Buck N. I loved his “old school” Al-Anon, his straightforward presentation, and his sense of humor. I hope you do, too. Upcoming topics include the disease concept of alcoholism. Do you think that this idea gives your alcoholic loved one “an out”? What is your understanding of … Continue reading "Buck N Open Talk – Episode 193"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/feed/ 0 An open talk by Buck N. I recently listened to this open talk from Buck N. I loved his “old school” Al-Anon, his straightforward presentation, and his sense of humor. I hope you do, too.
Upcoming topics include the disease concept of alcoholism. Do you think that this idea gives your alcoholic loved one “an out”? What is your understanding of alcoholism as a disease? How has it changed (or not) your relationship with the alcoholic(s) in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:01:21
Feelings, Recovery, Compassion, and Forgiveness – Episode 192 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/#respond Tue, 28 Feb 2017 00:52:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3706 Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking; Alateen; and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from … Continue reading "Feelings, Recovery, Compassion, and Forgiveness – Episode 192"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/feed/ 0 Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her. Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her.
Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking; Alateen; and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Our thanks to Nicole for music suggestions this week.
Brandi Carlile: That Wasn't Me

Chris Pureka: Wrecking Ball

 
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The Recovery Show 35:34
Al-Anon Slips – Episode 191 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/#respond Tue, 21 Feb 2017 03:42:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3698 What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover? What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”? What do you think an “Al-Anon slip” is? How do you know if you’re having (or if you had) one? In AA, it’s “obvious”, … Continue reading "Al-Anon Slips – Episode 191"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/feed/ 0 What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover? What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”? What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover?

* What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”?
* What do you think an “Al-Anon slip” is?

* How do you know if you’re having (or if you had) one?
* In AA, it’s “obvious”, but in Al-Anon, it’s more subtle.


* What kinds of slips can you identify?

* Controlling
* Enabling
* Emotional
* Making another person your HP


* Relate a story about a slip you had

* A big one?
* A little one?


* How did it feel the same as before recovery?
* How did it feel different?
* What program tools did you use to recover from your slip?
* How do you / can you detect that a slip is imminent and what can you do to prevent it?

* What tools/slogans help?



Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. How does your obsession with others behavior (such as drinking) make your life unmanageable? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
In response to a listener question, we suggested episode 78: Stay or Go?

Music from the show
Paul Simon: Slip Slidin' Away

Carrie Underwood: Relapse

Moby: Slipping Away


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The Recovery Show 1:26:32
Sherry S. Open Talk – Episode 190 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/#respond Tue, 14 Feb 2017 01:25:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3695 I hope you enjoy this open talk from Sherry S. I found wisdom and connection for myself. Upcoming topics include Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/feed/ 0 An open talk by Sherry S. Upcoming topics include Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:17:50
Being Ready – Episode 189 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/#comments Tue, 07 Feb 2017 01:36:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3691 Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready? Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, why didn’t I come sooner? Not understanding alcoholism. I didn’t grow up with alcoholism I thought my loved one’s behavior … Continue reading "Being Ready – Episode 189"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/feed/ 1 Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready? Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready?
Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, why didn’t I come sooner?

* Not understanding alcoholism.

* I didn’t grow up with alcoholism
* I thought my loved one’s behavior was a choice
* So she just had to fix it.


* Denying the problem.

* It was her problem.
* Not mine.
* She just needed to “drink normally.”


* Not seeing the problem.

* My behavior was out of control.
* But I couldn’t see that.
* I didn’t connect my behavior to the alcoholism


* Resistance

* Therapists at treatment centers suggested it to me.
* “Not my problem”
* 12 steps were off-putting
* I’m FINE
* Not relating to the video on codependency


* Shame and isolation
* So, what happened?
* A “moment of clarity”

* Yet another “friends and family day” at yet another treatment center.
* “YOU didn’t cause it, YOU can’t cure it, YOU can’t control it.”
* Recognizing that it was NOT mine to fix.
* Recognizing that I was miserable.
* The “20 questions

* There are also questions for “adult children” and teens.




* The “last resort”

* What else is there? What can it hurt to try it? (Al-Anon)
* Even then, I resisted. When a friend offered to take me to a meeting that night, I said “I need to think about it.”
* I thought about it for maybe 30 seconds.


* Did I get here “right on time”?

* I’m glad I didn’t take longer to get here, anyway.



Upcoming topics include Alateen, slogans, and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
In this episode, I mentioned the Intimacy open talks from last year.
Several listeners wrote in about Steve L's talk on fear, faith, and surrender. One asked if there are other talks by him available. I found his talk on the Recovery Radio Network, where there are other talks by people named Steve L. (But I haven't listened to them to know if they are the by the same person.)
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The Recovery Show 35:50
Detachment with love – Episode 188 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2017 05:30:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3685 Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you? We start with a reading from an Al-Anon flyer titled Detachment. What thoughts about detachment does the reading bring up for you? When you first heard the word “detachment” in a meeting, what did you think … Continue reading "Detachment with love – Episode 188"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/feed/ 2 Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you? Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you?
We start with a reading from an Al-Anon flyer titled Detachment.

* What thoughts about detachment does the reading bring up for you?
* When you first heard the word “detachment” in a meeting, what did you think it meant?
* Did “detachment with love” make any sense to you at all?
* What is the difference between detachment and distancing or separation?
* Why do I get angry? Fear. Because I care.
* Maybe I have to become “indifferent” when moving from anger to love.
* What forms of detachment have you found/learned?

* Emotional — my emotions are not ruled by someone else’s.
* Detaching the person from their disease (How Al-Anon Works, Detachment section in Chapter 11):
If someone we love had the flu and cancelled plans with us, most of us would understand. We wouldn’t take it personally or blame the person for being inconsiderate or weak. Instead, in our minds, we would probably separate the person from the illness, knowing that it was the illness, rather than our loved one, that caused the change of plans. This is detachment.

* Detaching from outcomes


* How has detachment helped you?

* Treating others with more kindness and compassion.
* Give a power greater than myself a space to come in.
* Not getting “pulled down”
* Being able to love the person while hating their actions
* Finding forgiveness
* More serenity.



Upcoming topics include slogans (what's your favorite?), Alateen, and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Dirty Projectors: What I See

Ray LaMontagne: Empty

Fiona Apple: Across the Universe

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:01:37
Fear, Faith, and Surrender – Episode 187 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/#respond Tue, 24 Jan 2017 04:41:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3681 Steve L shares his thoughts about fear, faith, and surrender in this AA talk. What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Solange: … Continue reading "Fear, Faith, and Surrender – Episode 187"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/feed/ 0 Steve L shares his thoughts about fear, faith, and surrender in this AA talk. What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Solange: Cranes in the Sky
In this episode of Song Exploder, Solange talks about how she came to write the song.

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:10:48
Expectations – Episode 186 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/#respond Tue, 17 Jan 2017 03:18:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3676 Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt? What are “expectations”? “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true? How can expectations set you up for disappointment? How do your expectations of yourself hurt you? How do you deal with other people's expectations … Continue reading "Expectations – Episode 186"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/feed/ 0 Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt? What are “expectations”? “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true? How can expectations set you up for disappointment? Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt?

* What are “expectations”?
* “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true?
* How can expectations set you up for disappointment?
* How do your expectations of yourself hurt you?
* How do you deal with other people's expectations of you?
* How do you

* let go of unrealisitic expectations?
* set realistic / reasonable expectations and boundaries?


* When has letting go of expectations improved an experience for you?

Eric referred to several other websites:

* Recovery Table blog: Expectations, Acceptance, and Serenity
* A forum discussion about boundaries and expectations.
* Change-Effect blog: expectation versus reality.

A correspondant mentioned the Hand in Hand Parenting support organization and how it had helped her.
Upcoming topics include a talk with Alateen sponsors, and the question “how am I trustworthy?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Rolling Stones: No Expectations

The Beatles: Let it Be

Jimi Hendrix: Castles Made of Sand

 
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The Recovery Show 1:06:22
Maria – Beyond Recovery – Episode 185 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/#respond Tue, 10 Jan 2017 04:59:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3669 How do you use recovery in your life? Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery. Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her to face two major life choices, and to decide … Continue reading "Maria – Beyond Recovery – Episode 185"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/feed/ 0 How do you use recovery in your life? Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery. Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her... How do you use recovery in your life?
Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery.
Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her to face two major life choices, and to decide to make a huge change in her direction.
How about you? What does your life look like, beyond recovery? Please contact us: call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener was helped by the meditation “A god of my understanding.”
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The Recovery Show 41:00
Recovery 2016 – Episode 184 http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/#respond Tue, 03 Jan 2017 03:33:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3663 How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow. How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year? With family and friends? In my finances? In my work? In my health and fitness? In my spiritual life? How did … Continue reading "Recovery 2016 – Episode 184"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/feed/ 0 How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow. How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year? With family and friends? In my finances? In my work? How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow.

* How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year?

* With family and friends?
* In my finances?
* In my work?
* In my health and fitness?
* In my spiritual life?


* How did my recovery program grow?
* In what ways did I “slack off”?
* What goals did I set for 2016? How did I meet them?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or to share your experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener suggested repeating episode 101, Looking Back, Looking Ahead. Check it out if you haven't listened to it already.

Music from the show
LA Salami: Day to Day

Leonard Cohen: You want it Darker

Sturgill Simpson: Welcome to Earth (Polliwog)

 
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The Recovery Show 50:23
Christmas 2016 wishes http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/#respond Tue, 27 Dec 2016 16:02:23 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3661 My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Background music is Carol … Continue reading "Christmas 2016 wishes"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/feed/ 0 My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Background music is Carol of the Bells from Free Christmas MP3.
 
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The Recovery Show 2:05
Kathy C Open Talk – Episode 183 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/#respond Tue, 20 Dec 2016 05:27:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3656 Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. I was able to identify with a lot of what she said. In our feedback section, we … Continue reading "Kathy C Open Talk – Episode 183"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/feed/ 0 Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. I was able to identify with a lot of what she said.
In our feedback section, we had a question about online meetings. I know of several resources, but I'm sure there are others.

* The official Al-Anon website lists online meetings and phone meetings.
* The website In The Rooms has online meetings for many recovery programs.
* Other Al-Anon phone meetings are listed at phonemeetings.org.

A listener asked about boundaries, particularly looking for something to explain boundaries to her 6-year old child. We did several episodes about boundaries, but not especially aimed at young folk. If you can help with this, please contact us.
Another request is for sharings about regret. Two listeners wrote. One spoke of “The sadness, disappointment and regret I feel over having not been in a good enough mind-shape to really be there for my kids.” Another shared, “Particularly as a mother I find a downward pull toward dwelling on mistakes from the past where I let my children down by losing my temper.”
Carrie wrote to suggest topics of “tools”, holidays, and hyper-vigilance. We did talk about holiday survival previously, but it's always a good topic. On the topic of “tools”, please share your favorite recovery tool!
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The Recovery Show 1:17:14
Anger – Episode 182 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/#comments Tue, 13 Dec 2016 23:06:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3648 Do you get angry? More importantly, maybe, how do you deal with your anger? Has recovery helped you be less angry or to let it out more gently? This week, Spencer and Pat talk about anger. We are guided in our discussion by these questions. Don't we almost all get angry at some time or another? … Continue reading "Anger – Episode 182"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/feed/ 1 Do you get angry? More importantly, maybe, how do you deal with your anger? Has recovery helped you be less angry or to let it out more gently? This week, Spencer and Pat talk about anger. We are guided in our discussion by these questions.

* Don't we almost all get angry at some time or another?
* Were you allowed to get angry as a child?   
* What were you told about anger when you were young?
* When do you get angry?
* Are there patterns to when you get angry?
* What tools of the program can help you deal with anger in the moment?
* What tools of the program can help you work on the root cause of your anger?

Several listeners also contribute to and enliven our discussion by email and voice.
Upcoming topics include “how am I trustworthy?” Do you gossip? How have you learned to keep confidences in recovery? How is that an essential part of the Al-Anon program? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Pat said, when I was looking for songs about anger, all I found were, well, angry songs! So I looked up songs about conflict resolution and I found a really nice blog where the author had asked folks for songs about conflict resolution. She has two long play lists – one is mellow and one is lively.
But first, some angry songs…
“One Step Closer” by Linkin Park

Angry Heart by Black Sabbath

And, finding a way to deal…
You Can't Always Get What you Want by The Rolling Stones
Classic:

Recent:

 
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The Recovery Show 1:18:59
Keep it Simple – Episode 181 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/#comments Tue, 06 Dec 2016 04:32:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3644 Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”? Let’s look at the section of How Al-Anon Works about the slogan “Keep it Simple”. How would you relate each of these sentences to your life? When coping with the baffling and often overwhelming effects of alcoholism, the simpler and more straightforward the approach, … Continue reading "Keep it Simple – Episode 181"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/feed/ 1 Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”? Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”?
Let’s look at the section of How Al-Anon Works about the slogan “Keep it Simple”. How would you relate each of these sentences to your life?

* When coping with the baffling and often overwhelming effects of alcoholism, the simpler and more straightforward the approach, the better. The slogan, “Keep It Simple,” makes just that point.
* When life seems unmanageable or confusing, many of us unknowingly complicate matters even further by trying to anticipate everything that could go wrong, so that we will be prepared to respond.
* This slogan reminds us that we can’t control every possible outcome to every situation and that trying to do so makes our lives more difficult and more stressful than they already are.
* When we “Keep It Simple,” we try to take things at face value,

* looking at what is actually happening
* rather than the 50 things that might or might not follow.


* Perhaps we can approach large projects and challenges slowly, step by step, in manageable stages rather than all at once.
* Sometimes we must act with haste,

* but not every new task or unexpected event is a crisis.


* Our initial, fearful responses may arise more from habit rather than necessity.
* In time, we learn that if we are feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed, we may be complicating matters

* or taking on more than we can handle for this moment or this day,
* and that we may have better luck by simplifying what we are trying to accomplish.


* We can relax and try to be more gentle with ourselves,

* trusting that by putting one foot in front of the other, we will eventually get where we are going.



And a couple of related slogans:

* Easy does it.
* First things first.

Our topic for next week is anger. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
The reading “Set in Stone” is from the book Walking Towards Morning by Victoria Safford.
I mentioned some previous episodes: 180: Being Thankful, and 119: Worry.
Music from the show
Simple Gifts, performed by Yo-Yo Ma and Alison Krauss

Simplicity by Bob Seger


 
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The Recovery Show 54:14
Being Thankful – Episode 180 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/#respond Tue, 22 Nov 2016 03:50:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3637 How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation? As I approach the US Thanksgiving holiday, my thoughts naturally turn to thankfulness. In Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, we find this bit of conversation between Hamlet and Rosencrantz. Hamlet has just remarked that Denmark is … Continue reading "Being Thankful – Episode 180"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/feed/ 0 How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation? How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation?
As I approach the US Thanksgiving holiday, my thoughts naturally turn to thankfulness.
In Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, we find this bit of conversation between Hamlet and Rosencrantz. Hamlet has just remarked that Denmark is a prison, and Rosencrantz says that he doesn’t find it so:
HAMLET: Why, then, ’tis none to you, for there is
nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it
so. To me, it is a prison.
ROSENCRANTZ: Why, then, your ambition makes it one.
’Tis too narrow for your mind.
HAMLET: O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and
count myself a king of infinite space, were it not
that I have bad dreams.
And don’t we all (have bad dreams)? How can we be thankful in spite of them? How can being thankful actually help us drive away our bad dreams?
Let’s look at the reading from How Al-Anon Works on gratitude.

* “Actively practicing gratitude is one way we can promote attitude adjustment. Instead of taking for granted the many blessings in our lives, we make a point to mentally acknowledge them until doing so becomes a habit.”

* I don’t “notice” when things are going well, but
* I dwell on the times when things went poorly.


* “Writing them down in a “gratitude list” and then reading the list to our Sponsor or sharing it with other Al-Anon members helps us realize that there are many things in our lives for which we are truly grateful. “

* A to Z gratitude list
* How I felt afterwards


* “Gratitude enables us to savor the unrecognized good that surrounds us, no matter what the circumstances. As we become accustomed to noticing the positive aspects of our lives, we begin to recognize small, subtle gifts and cloaked opportunities when they appear in our day-to-day experience.”

* My winter day story — a friend helped me to see the good that had happened that day instead of “moaning” about the bad
* I remember this story and it helps me to see the positive as well as the negative.


* “ Eventually, as we continue to practice, we actually do find something to be grateful for, even in painful or difficult situations. We replace our victim mentality with an attitude of gratitude.”

* Psych ward story.


* “Instead of feeling drained, overwhelmed, and stressed by the circumstances we encounter, we begin to feel empowered and capable of coping, even flourishing, because we have learned that our Higher Power can use every situation, every relationship, every experience, to enhance our lives and foster strength, faith, and personal growth. Thus, everyone and everything has a special gift to offer us.”

* Visiting with my aging and ailing mother.
* How I felt, how I grew.


* “We need only open our eyes to see it.”

Previous episodes and blog posts on gratitude are

* Episode 129: Gratitude
* Episode 97: Gratitude 2014
* Episode 19: Gratitude
* Gratitude list 2015

Upcoming topics include anger. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:00:25
Say what you mean and mean what you say – Episode 179 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/#respond Tue, 15 Nov 2016 22:30:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3634 Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't be mean when you say it. Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness. How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order to avoid conflict? Do I continue to do that … Continue reading "Say what you mean and mean what you say – Episode 179"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/feed/ 0 Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't be mean when you say it. Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness. How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order t...
Say what you mean,
mean what you say,
and don't be mean when you say it.
Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness.

* How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order to avoid conflict?

* Do I continue to do that out of habit?


* Have I made promises or threats that I did not/had no real intention of carrying out?
* When did I say “yes” when I wanted to say “no”?
* When have I kept my feelings and wants to myself?

* Because I expected my loved ones to “just know” what I wanted?
* Because I was afraid you would disagree with me?
* Because keeping another person happy was more important than getting what I wanted?

* When is this OK?





It is worth noting, however, that if we are dealing with someone who is drunk or violent, this kind of honesty may be ill-advised. Real communication requires at least some participation by both parties, and if one of those parties is not in his or her right mind, the effort is likely to be wasted. It may even be dangerous.

* When/how did/do I say whatever is on my mind without considering whether it is appropriate?

* When do I give unsolicited advice or criticism?


* When do I repeatedly say something?

* Why?


* When do I say things I don’t really mean?

* To “get along”?
* By rote? (such as greetings or thanks)


* Do I pay attention to my tone of voice, facial expression, and body language?

* When does my attitude convey a different message from my words?


* What are some tools and principles that can help me to “say what I mean”?

* Inventory — I may not know what I believe / want / need.
* Sponsor — particularly when I was new in the program.

* Help me understand what I want.
* Help me with how to say it.


* Prayer and meditation.
* “Pause button”


* What are some tools and principles that can help me to “mean what I say”?

* I can change my attitude (my “angle of approach”).
* Acting my way into better thinking.
* Forming an intention before speaking.
* “Pause button”
* Considering my motives (a sponsor can help with this!)


* How can not “be mean when I say it”?

* HALT — if I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, I am more likely to “be mean”.
* THINK — ask myself “Is what I am about to say Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind?” If not maybe I shouldn’t say it.
* Prayer and meditation — to help smooth emotions before speaking.
* “Pause button”
* “Drop the rope”



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 54:37
178 – Boundaries “Best of” episode http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/#respond Tue, 08 Nov 2016 02:07:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3631 This “retro” episode was originally published as Episode 103. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions: Do any … Continue reading "178 – Boundaries “Best of” episode"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/feed/ 0 This “retro” episode was originally published as Episode 103. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries.
Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions:

* Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?
* How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?
* What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?
* What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated?

So we thought, “maybe it’s time to talk about boundaries again.” We actually had a couple of earlier shows around this topic. Our very first episode was a 20 minute discussion of boundaries, and then in episode 44, we talked about setting boundaries without controlling.
Some discussion/thought questions about boundaries:

* What is a boundary?
* How does it differ from an ultimatum?
* How can I set a boundary that involves someone else’s behavior?
* What can I do when my boundaries are not respected?
* How do I feel when my boundaries are not respected by someone I love?
* How can loving detachment help me to maintain my boundaries?
* What if I don’t want to follow through with the consequences of my boundary having been violated?
* What happens (to me) if my boundaries turn out to be expectations?
* How does a boundary with my own behavior differ from a boundary with someone else’s behavior?
* How can I set up and follow through with consequences on a boundary with myself?

During the show, we referred to several earlier episodes, including relapse, face to face meetings, Tradition 1, and getting started in Al-Anon.
Our topic for next week is judgement. How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Tracy Chapman – Give Me One Reason

Ani DiFranco – Out of Range

AM – Boundaries

 

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The Recovery Show 1:37:18
Knowing myself – Episode 177 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/#respond Tue, 01 Nov 2016 03:01:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3627 Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are. Why is it important to know “who I am”? What does it mean to know “who I am”? How have the Steps helped me in knowing myself? (Step 4 is the obvious one, but what about the others?) … Continue reading "Knowing myself – Episode 177"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/feed/ 0 Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are. Exploring how the steps aid in knowing myself. Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are.

* Why is it important to know “who I am”?
* What does it mean to know “who I am”?
* How have the Steps helped me in knowing myself? (Step 4 is the obvious one, but what about the others?)

* Step 1: starting to break through denial. My image of my life is not realistic.
* Step 2: Starting to see that I am not the center of the universe, and that I can ask for help.
* Step 3: Recognizing how much I want “my will”. Making a decision to ask for help, to follow outside direction. How hard it is!
* Step 4: Looking in detail at myself, admitting my assets and my shortcomings.
* Step 5: How much I really don’t want to expose my “failings”! How much I fear your judgement.
* Step 6: Coming to own my inventory. Starting to recognize some of the “why” about what I do (and don’t do).
* Step 7: Humility: I can be teachable.
* Step 8: Recognizing the ways in which my shortcomings have caused me to harm others, whether deliberately or by oversight.
* Step 9: Seeing my shame, my fear of rejection, my fear of judgement. And also my courage and honesty.
* Step 10: Continuing to know myself more deeply.
* Step 11: Getting in touch with my own spirit, getting “out of my head”. Who am I when I’m not “chattering” away in my mind all the time?
* Step 12: Recognizing the ways in which I have awakened.



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
The reading in this episode is from Start Where You Are by Pema Chödrön.

Music from the show
Jimmy Eat World: The Middle

Gnarls Barkley: Crazy

India.Arie: I Choose

 
 
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The Recovery Show 49:27
A Recovery Story – Laura – Episode 176 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/#respond Tue, 25 Oct 2016 11:48:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3620 What is your story? What brought you to recovery? What challenges have you faced? What have you found here? We had a conversation with Laura about recovery where the local language is not her native tongue. We were guided by these questions. What brought you to Al-Anon? How did you hear about or find the Al-Anon … Continue reading "A Recovery Story – Laura – Episode 176"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/feed/ 0 What is your story? What brought you to recovery? What challenges have you faced? What have you found here? We had a conversation with Laura about recovery where the local language is not her native tongue. We were guided by these questions.

* What brought you to Al-Anon?
* How did you hear about or find the Al-Anon program?
* How has your life changed since coming to recovery?

* What have you learned about yourself?
* How do you live your life differently?


* What is it like trying to practice recovery in a country that is not your own?

* Where the common language is not your first language?
* Where the culture is different from your own?
* What challenges does this pose?
* Finding meetings?
* Getting literature?
* Finding a sponsor or other “program people” to talk to?


* How has your sponsor helped you?
* What would you say to someone in a similar situation who is new to Al-Anon?

* Who has not yet come to their first meeting?



Our readings are from How Al-Anon Works, p. 30 and One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, October 23.
Upcoming topics include fear and faith, as captured in this statement from the “gifts of Al-Anon”. “Fear will be replaced by faith, and gratitude will come naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Police: Every Breath You Take

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The Recovery Show 47:39
Honesty – a workshop – Episode 175 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/#respond Wed, 19 Oct 2016 16:23:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3615 What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery? This workshop on honesty was presented by Michele R (AA) and Kim G (Al-Anon) at the 2013 Journey to Serenity Festival (Saskatchewan Al-Anon Adult Children Festival), October … Continue reading "Honesty – a workshop – Episode 175"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/feed/ 0 What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery? What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery?
This workshop on honesty was presented by Michele R (AA) and Kim G (Al-Anon) at the 2013 Journey to Serenity Festival (Saskatchewan Al-Anon Adult Children Festival), October 26, 2013.
In the workshop they posed these questions, from various sources, that help me explore my honesty, present and past.

* How did I fail to tell the truth as a child?
* What stories do I pass on without checking they are true?
* How do I compliment people when I feel they’ve done a good job?
* How can I tell the difference between the way things look to me and the way they really are?
* In my interactions with others do I tell the truth or do I say what I think they want to hear?
* What walls have I built to hide the person I am from others?
* How does honestly sharing the secrets of my past help me recover from the emotional damage I have endured?
* Where did I critique or put down someone else or try to hide it by saying I’m just trying to be “helpful” or giving “constructive criticism”?
* Did I try to hide a bad motive under a good motive?
* Do I spend a good amount of time on things that make the world a more loving place?
* Where am I spending energy on activities that are draining rather than life giving?
* Am I committed to participating in a community?
* Am I willing to receive as well as to give?
* Is my higher power’s opinion of me the one I value most in my life?

Upcoming topics include a personal story; faith and fear; and “who am I?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Depeche Mode: Policy of Truth

Beyoncé: Honesty

Aretha Franklin: Truth and Honesty

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:18:51
Forgiveness is critical to recovery – Episode 174 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/#respond Wed, 12 Oct 2016 03:52:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3609 What does it mean to forgive? Why do we talk of “finding” forgiveness? And who really gains from forgiveness? What does forgiveness mean? Dictionary Merriam Webster has this simple definition of the word forgive: “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)” And also this: “to give … Continue reading "Forgiveness is critical to recovery – Episode 174"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/feed/ 0 What does it mean to forgive? Why do we talk of “finding” forgiveness? And who really gains from forgiveness? What does forgiveness mean?
* What does forgiveness mean?

* Dictionary
Merriam Webster has this simple definition of the word forgive: “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)”
And also this: “to give up resentment of”
* To me?


* How did I understand forgiveness before recovery?

* Forgiving meant condoning the other person’s actions?
* If I forgave someone, I had to like them, be ok with their company?
* They had to apologize first?
* If I forgave, I had to “forget”?


* What new understandings of forgiveness did I discover?
* One of the “gifts of Al-Anon” in From Survival to Recovery is this: “As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.”

* How do I understand this gift?
* How have I seen it happen in my life?


* How does forgiveness help me?
* What if someone did something truly unforgiveable?

* How can I forgive them or their action?
* Why would I want to?


* What story or stories can I share about

* Finding forgiveness
* Having difficulty finding forgiveness
* Forgiving without forgetting.


* What would I say to a newcomer about forgiveness “the Al-Anon way”?

Join our conversation. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Christina Aguilera: Hurt

Matthew West: Forgiveness

Parker Ainsworth: The Forgiver

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:10:20
Start where you are – Episode 173 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/#respond Tue, 04 Oct 2016 01:48:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3600 Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there. Sometimes I think I need to be “ready” before I can do something, before I can make a change. But that’s not true of our program. I … Continue reading "Start where you are – Episode 173"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/feed/ 0 Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there. Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there.
Sometimes I think I need to be “ready” before I can do something, before I can make a change. But that’s not true of our program. I was able to start where I was, and I can still start where I am. How does this work? How was I able to “start where I am” at each point along the path of recovery? Because recovery is a process, not an event.

* Walking into my first meeting.

* You met me where I was. You didn’t require that I know anything, that I agree to anything, you just welcomed me.


* Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

* My first challenge – what does “powerless” mean? Can I admit that I am “powerless”? How do I recognize the unmanageability of my life? Is this where I am right now?


* Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

* I start into this step where I am: questioning the very existence of a Higher Power. Some start into this step with a vengeful, angry God. No matter where we start, we can find an understanding of this step.


* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

* If my starting point is “the meeting is my HP”, I can look for guidance and wisdom in the meeting, and try to follow that.


* Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

* This step has always met me where I was. As my starting point has changed, the inventory has also changed. My new point of view has revealed other aspects of myself, which were not visible earlier.


* Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

* My first starting point for this step was “no way!” My second starting point was “there’s some stuff I’m just not going to talk about.” I *think* that, at this time, I’ve admitted all my wrongs, but I might be wrong about that.
* Each time, there was power in the step, no matter where I started, and how “well” I did it. The point is to take the step, not to take it perfectly.


* Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

* Again, my starting point has “moved” with time. I’ve gone from “well, of course” to “um, not that one!” to “please help me to become willing”.
* I didn’t understand this step the first time I “took” it, but I did it anyway.


* Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

* What does this step mean if I don't have a concrete idea of G-o-d?
* But, I found that, when I ask for help, I find it, and I change.


* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

* The literature suggested that I can group my list into: people I am willing to make amends to, people I might be willing to make amends to, and those people who I was not willing to make amends to.
* I started there, and found that my lists changed as I moved into Step 9.


* Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

* Do the easy ones first, and don't worry about doing it perfectly!


* Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

* I started doing this step before I actually got to it. Because I didn't want to add new things to my “Step 4 inventory.”


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The Recovery Show 44:19
Why The Recovery Show – Episode 172 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/#respond Tue, 27 Sep 2016 03:42:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3595 Why is there The Recovery Show? September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, why I (with others) have created 172 episodes of The Recovery Show over the past 3 ½ years. So, … Continue reading "Why The Recovery Show – Episode 172"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/feed/ 0 Why is there The Recovery Show? September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, Why is there The Recovery Show?
September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, why I (with others) have created 172 episodes of The Recovery Show over the past 3 ½ years. So, here are some of those reasons.

* I can do it.

* Technical knowledge
* Teaching background


* Step 12 encourages me to “carry this message to others”.
* How did it happen?

* My sponsor asked me to participate in his podcast (AA focused recovery at recoveredcast.com)
* I wanted to bring a little more Al-Anon content to his podcast and he said “why don’t you start your own?”
* 2 friends agreed to help


* It deepens my own program of recovery.
* I have met (at least virtually) people from all over the US and the world.
* You let me know that it is valuable to you.
* You support me.

* Financially
* Through your sharing (email and voice mail)
* By giving me topic ideas and music suggestions.
* By participating in the show.



This is a “we” program. I cannot do my recovery alone and I cannot do this podcast alone. Even though it is often me, sitting in front of a microphone by myself, you are there with me, sitting across the desk from me, as I talk. And, I think, that is the bottom line of why I continue to produce this podcast. It brings us together in recovery; it connects me to you, and you, and you.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Kelly Clarkson – Because of You

Aerosmith – Amazing

Christina Aguilera – Keep on Singin' My Song
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The Recovery Show 38:09
Dawn C – Open talk – Episode 171 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/#comments Tue, 20 Sep 2016 02:04:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3592 This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon “long timer”, Dawn C. Upcoming topics include courage, fear, faith, and worry. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/feed/ 1 This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon "long timer", Dawn C. This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon “long timer”, Dawn C.
Upcoming topics include courage, fear, faith, and worry. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 1:03:14
Year of Yes – Episode 170 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/#respond Tue, 13 Sep 2016 03:36:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3587 Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”? I recently read a book, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, subtitled “How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.” Much of what I read resonated with the work I’ve been doing in recovery, so … Continue reading "Year of Yes – Episode 170"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/feed/ 0 Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”? How the "Year of Yes" parallels my own recovery. Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”?
I recently read a book, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, subtitled “How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.” Much of what I read resonated with the work I’ve been doing in recovery, so I thought I’d try to express that resonance here.

* Basic connections between her story and mine:

* Contrast between “inside” and “outside”. Or maybe I should say “outside” and “inside.”

* Outwardly successful in many ways.
* Inwardly isolating and “stuffing” (feelings and food)


* There is a “bottom” and a “moment of clarity.” Sparked by her sister’s observation that “you never say yes to anything”.

* “I am miserable. ¶ Admitting this takes my breath away. I feel as though I am revealing new information to myself. Learning a secret I’ve been keeping from myself. ¶ I am miserable. ¶ Truly, deeply unhappy.”


* She recognized the need for change, and committed (to herself and her friends) to say “Yes” to everything that scared her for a year.

* “Am going to say yes to anything and everything that scares me. For a whole year. Or until I get scared to death and you have to bury me. Ugh.”


* Emotional blackouts
* Her logic: “• Saying no has gotten me here. • Here sucks. • Saying yes might be my way to someplace better. … [or] at least someplace different.”

* My entry into recovery: Trying to fix got me here. Here sucks. Trying Al-Anon might be my way to someplace better or at least someplace different.


* Both of us have patterns set in childhood

* isolating, living in her imagination
* Fixing, rescuing, co-dependency




* Chapter titles include
* Yes to speaking the whole truth

* My recovery: knowing who I am and living it. Being authentic.


* Yes to surrendering the Mommy War

* My recovery: It is ok to ask for (and accept) help


* Yes to all play and no work

* My recovery: take time for the things that feed ME, my soul


* Yes to my body

* My recovery: Take care of myself


* Yes to joining the club

* My recovery: I am a capable person, I have strengths, I don’t have to hide them, and I don’t have to compare myself to others (to my detriment)


* Yes, Thank You

* My recovery: I can accept praise without diminishing it. “Thank you.” is a complete sentence.


* Yes to more year of yes

* My recovery: This is a lifelong process. And I want to do it.


* Yes to No, Yes to difficult conversations

* My recovery: I can say “no”. (“No.” is a complete sentence.)


* Yes to people

* My recovery: I am not alone. The recovery community is here for me.
* My family is here for me.


* Yes to who I am

* My recovery: learning who I am, and loving who I am (and changing the things I don’t want to be.)



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

 
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The Recovery Show 43:31
Feelings – Episode 169 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/#respond Tue, 06 Sep 2016 03:39:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3583 Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts? Were you able to identify feelings (before recovery)? What did you feel? Did you feel? Did you think that certain feelings were “good” and others were “bad”? Did it seem you had … Continue reading "Feelings – Episode 169"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/feed/ 0 Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts? Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts?

* Were you able to identify feelings (before recovery)?
* What did you feel?
* Did you feel?
* Did you think that certain feelings were “good” and others were “bad”?
* Did it seem you had to act on/react to your feelings?
* How did you deny/push down/hide from feelings?
* Have you heard the saying, “feelings are not facts”?
* What does it mean to you?
* How do you use it now?
* Have you found a “feeling vocabulary” in recovery?
* How do you respond to feelings now?
* How are you able to feel, but act from your head?
* How can you accept that you have feelings, and that they do not have to control your actions?
* How have your feelings changed?
* What slogans or tools help you to deal with how you feel?

* Let go and let God.
* This too shall pass.
* Just for today.
* One day at a time.
* Easy does it.
* First things first.
* Prayer and meditation.
* Inventory


* How have you become more aware of and able to feel?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Linkin Park: Numb

Margaret Glaspy: Emotions and Math

Adele: Hello

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:16:59
Spencer’s Open Talk – Episode 168 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/#respond Tue, 30 Aug 2016 04:01:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3579 What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now? Spencer was invited to give an “open talk” recently, and he elected to use this traditional format. It starts with “what happened?” With that moment when the reality of his powerlessness and the unmanageability of his life crashed down on him. When he … Continue reading "Spencer’s Open Talk – Episode 168"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/feed/ 0 What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now? Spencer was invited to give an "open talk" recently, and he elected to use this traditional format. What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now?
Spencer was invited to give an “open talk” recently, and he elected to use this traditional format.
It starts with “what happened?” With that moment when the reality of his powerlessness and the unmanageability of his life crashed down on him. When he heard that “You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.” And when those words lifted a weight from his shoulders that he hadn't realized he was carrying. That he had been trying to accomplish the impossible: to make his loved one stop drinking.
He came to see that his journey to Al-Anon has really started much earlier. He believed that it was his job, his task in life, to “rescue” others. And so, maybe it is no surprise that he fell in love with and married an alcoholic. Because, who needs “fixing” or “rescuing” more than an alcoholic. Not that he recognized that at the time!
He came to his first Al-Anon meeting almost unwillingly. After all, he was not the one with the “problem.” But nothing was working, and his life was miserable, so maybe, just maybe, this Al-Anon thing would help.
His recovery story includes coming to understand what “working the steps” means, and learning to trust others with the reality of his life. It includes finding freedom from anger, fear, despair, and rage. It includes experiencing serenity, even when his life was still in the midst of chaos.
And, it includes finding an answer to what seemed an unanswerable question: “I can't live this way, but I can't leave either. What can I do!?” The answer turns out to be “I can live.”
Upcoming topics include sorrow and feelings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Recovery Show 52:06
Serenity – Episode 167 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/#comments Tue, 23 Aug 2016 04:29:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3575 What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it? Let’s start with a definition: (dictionary.com) 1. the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness. 2. A title of honor, respect, or reverence, used in speaking of or to a certain member of royalty (usually preceded by his, your, etc). Synonyms 1. … Continue reading "Serenity – Episode 167"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/feed/ 1 What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it? What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it?
Let’s start with a definition: (dictionary.com)
1. the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness.
2. A title of honor, respect, or reverence, used in speaking of or to a certain member of royalty (usually preceded by his, your, etc).
Synonyms
1. Composure, calm, peacefulness, peace.
Antonyms
1. Agitation

* How did you conceive of serenity before recovery?
* Did you think your whole life had to be “serene” in order for you to have personal serenity?
* How did you act in ways that pushed serenity out of my life?
* When you heard the Al-Anon suggested welcome, did these words make sense to you?

* Did they seem unattainable?
* Did they give you hope?
“We urge you to try our program. It has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serenity. So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.”



* Do you recall experiencing serenity, perhaps briefly, as you started to work the program?

* What happened?
* What did it feel like?
* How did you recognize it?


* Reading: Hope for Today, May 20.
“The serenity I am offered in Al-Anon is not an escape from life. Rather it is the power to find peacefulness within life.”
“Al-Anon does not promise me freedom from pain, sorrow, or difficult situations. It does, however, give me … the necessary skills for maintaining peace of mind, even when life seems most unbearable.”

* What tools have you found for maintaining or restoring your serenity?

* Trust in a Higher Power. Let go and let God.
* Detachment.
* Just for today.
* One day at a time.
* Talk to a program friend.


* “Exercising” spiritual “muscles” by working the steps, going to meetings, reading the literature, etc.
* Do you think serenity is a state of being, or an attitude? Or a little of both?
* What would you say to a newcomer who is living a life full of “agitation” with little or no serenity?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Chainsmokers: Don't Let Me Down (ft. Daya)

Florence and the Machine: Shake it Out

Coldplay: Adventure of a Lifetime

 
 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:20:35
Confession, Redemption, and Forgiveness – Episode 166 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/#respond Tue, 16 Aug 2016 02:37:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3564 “I've got a confession to make.” How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?! What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? (Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.) How does the inventory and … Continue reading "Confession, Redemption, and Forgiveness – Episode 166"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/feed/ 0 "I've got a confession to make." How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?! What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? “I've got a confession to make.”
How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?!
What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? (Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.) How does the inventory and self-examination of Step 4 make it possible to honestly make that confession? (Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.) How do these combine to give us ownership of our own faults, so that we are ready to change? (Step 6, Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.) And to ask for help in changing ourselves? (Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.) Is it possible to truly “make it right” with those we hurt without having first made confession from the depth of our being? (Steps 8 and 9, Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.) Confession, in Steps 5 and 9, is a cornerstone of recovery, and makes it possible to find redemption and forgiveness.
Our topic for next week is either serenity or shame. Both start with the letter “s” but are otherwise pretty much unrelated. (How) have you found serenity? What does it mean to you? Or… Does shame still dominate your life? How has recovery helped you to move into and through your shame? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
We talked about a litany of atonement, with the refrain “We forgive ourselves and each other. We begin again in love.
Suzanne loves the meditation podcast 60 Seconds of Solitude.
Spencer has been reading and enjoying the memoir Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety, by Sacha Z. Scoblic.
Music from the show
Jessica Andrews: Who I Am

U2: Sometimes You can't Make it on your own

Sara Bareilles: Say You're Sorry

 
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The Recovery Show 46:41
Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 4 – Episode 165 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/#respond Tue, 09 Aug 2016 12:24:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3553 This is part 4 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 10 through 12. The previous episodes are Part 1, Steps 1-3: Episode 158 Part 2, Steps 4-6: Episode 159 Part 3, Steps 7-9: Episode 162 In full, the 12 Steps of Al-Anon … Continue reading "Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 4 – Episode 165"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/feed/ 0 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled "Stepping Stones to Serenity", presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9. This is part 4 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 10 through 12.
The previous episodes are

* Part 1, Steps 1-3: Episode 158
* Part 2, Steps 4-6: Episode 159
* Part 3, Steps 7-9: Episode 162

In full, the 12 Steps of Al-Anon are

* We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
* Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
* Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
* Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
* Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
* Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
* Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
* Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
* Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
* Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
* Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

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The Recovery Show 59:27
Choices – Episode 164 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/#comments Tue, 02 Aug 2016 03:58:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3539 Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery? Choice Before Recovery Did you feel you had choices in your life? Did it seem like, when you had a choice, it was either/or, with no 3rd possibility? Were you “allowed” to change your … Continue reading "Choices – Episode 164"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/feed/ 2 Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery?
Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery?
Choice Before Recovery

* Did you feel you had choices in your life?
* Did it seem like, when you had a choice, it was either/or, with no 3rd possibility?
* Were you “allowed” to change your mind?
* How did you make decisions?

* Little ones? (What to have for dinner, what movie to see.)
* Big ones? (Which job to take, where to live.)



Choice in early recovery

* What messages about choice did you hear when you started attending Al-Anon?
* Was it a surprise to hear that you had choices? That you had more than 2 alternatives?
* What did you hear about making choices to take care of yourself?
* What if you didn’t know which answer was the “right” one?

Choice now

* What tools of the program can you use to help you make a choice?
* Which slogans are helpful?
* How do you use prayer and meditation in making decisions?
* How can taking inventory help?
* Have you found that you can choose your attitude? Acceptance? Gratitude?

Upcoming topics include sadness. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Eric recommended the Insight Timer meditation app.
Music from the show
Gomez: Options

Natasha Bedingfield: Unwritten

George Harrison: Any Road

 
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The Recovery Show 1:28:11
Rediscovering Myself – Episode 163 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/#comments Tue, 26 Jul 2016 03:56:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3536 Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now? In what ways did I lose myself “before program”? Focus on the alcoholic Taking care of others before myself Belief that others must participate in everything — I can’t do something if my … Continue reading "Rediscovering Myself – Episode 163"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/feed/ 1 Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now? In what ways did I lose myself “before program”? Focus on the alcoholic Taking care of others before myself Belief that others must partici... Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now?

* In what ways did I lose myself “before program”?

* Focus on the alcoholic
* Taking care of others before myself
* Belief that others must participate in everything — I can’t do something if my partner doesn’t want to.
* Isolation and withdrawal from life / activities
* Expectation that my loved ones would read my mind
* Expecting others to make me happy


* What messages did I first hear in Al-Anon that started me to rediscovering myself?

* Take care of myself.
* Detachment with love.
* It’s ok to ask for what I want.


* What have I found out about myself in recovery?

* Things I like (to do).
* Things I don’t like that I thought I had to like because others like them.
* New insights into my character
* New things that I never thought I would like


* What did I forget about myself that I have rediscovered?

Upcoming topics include choices and sadness. We will also explore the statement “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” to see how it has come true for us. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime

Sara Bareilles – Brave

Rachel Platten – Fight Song

 
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The Recovery Show 1:25:19
Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 3 – Episode 162 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/#respond Tue, 19 Jul 2016 01:45:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3528 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9.

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 3 – Episode 162 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/feed/ 0 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9. This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9.
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The Recovery Show 52:03
Dancing with Dementia – Episode 161 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/#comments Tue, 12 Jul 2016 04:08:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3523 How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other? The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. This week I will be visiting my parents, who may or not have diagnosed dementia, but who are definitely … Continue reading "Dancing with Dementia – Episode 161"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/feed/ 1 How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other? The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other?
The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. This week I will be visiting my parents, who may or not have diagnosed dementia, but who are definitely becoming less engaged in life, and it hurts.
My brother, my sister, and I have decided to try to have “the talk” with them about aging, about whether they need help in daily living, and about whether they might consider starting to think about moving into an assisted living situation. It won’t be easy.
I also reflected on how my feelings and reactions in this situation parallel my feelings and reactions to active alcoholism, when that was happening in my life. Which brings me to the question, how can I use these tools in this new situation?
The keys seem to be these:

* Dementia is a disease, just as alcoholism is a disease.
* I can meet them where they are.
* I can live in the moment.
* I can find compassion for my loved ones.
* I can recognize and feel my grief, and have compassion for myself.

An upcoming topic is the “gift of Al-Anon” that says “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” How do you see this coming true in your recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show

This is the song that he wrote for Barbara Brussell, a friend of one of his daughters. Barbara was a high school dance student who was seriously injured in a car accident involving a drunk driver that killed her teacher and two of her classmates. Her knee was so badly damaged that it was doubtful that she would ever walk again, let alone dance. He visited her in the hospital and bet her that within a year she would come dancing up the road to his home in Big Sur to a song that he would write. The song he wrote within a few days was Let It Be A Dance. A year later, she came dancing, limping, but dancing up the road as he played his guitar and sang, “Let it be a dance we do./ May I have this dance with you?/ Through the good times/ And the bad times, too,/ Let it be a dance.”
 
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The Recovery Show 38:20
Step 1: Powerlessness and Power – Episode 160 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/#respond Wed, 06 Jul 2016 01:41:59 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3519 What does it mean to be powerless? How can admitting powerlessness give you power over the unmanageability of your life? Spencer and Tom, joined virtually by Sara and Gerrie talk about Step 1, We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable. Why is it difficult to admit my powerlessness? How … Continue reading "Step 1: Powerlessness and Power – Episode 160"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/feed/ 0 http://podcast.therecoveryshow.com/160-step-1.jpg What does it mean to be powerless? How can admitting powerlessness give you power over the unmanageability of your life?
Spencer and Tom, joined virtually by Sara and Gerrie talk about Step 1, We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable.

* Why is it difficult to admit my powerlessness?
* How do the effects of alcoholism make my life unmanageable?
* What is my “First Step story”?
* What keeps me holding on to the illusion that I have the power to change someone else?
* How do I determine I am powerless over someone else’s behavior?
* Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does/did that change how I interact with the drinker?
* How do I react when others refuse to be or do as I wish?
* What would happen if I stopped trying to change others? ]
* How can I let go of others’ problems instead of trying to solve them?
* Do I say “yes” when I want to say “no”? What happens to my ability to manage my own life when I do this?
* How can admitting powerlessness lead me to new power?
* How does Step 1 help me let go of blame and shame?
* What tools do I use to find serenity when my life seems unmanageable?

Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Dixie Chicks: Silent House

Télépopmusik: Breathe

The Corrs: What Can I Do?

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:30:32
Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 2 – Episode 159 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/#comments Tue, 28 Jun 2016 01:03:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3511 This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6.

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 2 – Episode 159 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/feed/ 1 This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6. This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6.
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The Recovery Show 49:08
Stepping Stones to Serenity – 1 – Episode 158 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/#comments Tue, 21 Jun 2016 01:32:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3507   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.  

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity – 1 – Episode 158 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/feed/ 1   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.
 
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The Recovery Show 49:44
Seeing Clearly – Episode 157 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/#respond Tue, 14 Jun 2016 12:12:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3493 “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Our sight, once clouded… Implies impaired vision Only able to see a short distance Lacking perspective Denial Paradoxically living in the future Guilt Overcompensation I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all … Continue reading "Seeing Clearly – Episode 157"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/feed/ 0 “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.”
Our sight, once clouded…

* Implies impaired vision
* Only able to see a short distance
* Lacking perspective
* Denial
* Paradoxically living in the future
* Guilt
* Overcompensation
* I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all or nothing
* Conflict or disagreement was threatening, I did not understand collaboration.

And confused…. How was I confused?

* Impaired thought processes,
* Clouded reality also makes me think of the four M’s: martyrdom, manipulation, mothering and managing
* I was a fixer and manager, I thought that would help the situation
* I believed I was responsible for everything, I had to do everything for my family
* I had no understanding of boundaries, healthy relationships, how to nurture them,
* Any feedback or criticism was interpreted as a direct assault
* Others came first, always
* I did not value myself
* I did not believe myself loveable
* Believing that I needed to control everything and everyone
* Believing I had control over people, places, and things
* Not seeing how my life, my behavior, my attitudes had been affected by this disease.

We will be able to perceive reality

* We climb out of the clouds one step at a time
* This is part of the process, it becomes clearer the more we work the steps and use the tools of the program
* As I work the steps, I become more able to perceive reality
* Decluttering my mind and life prepares me for future growth

We will be able to recognize truth

* This is a spiritual concept.  We are spiritual beings, not just beings.
* Recognize the truth of who and what I am – both positive and negative.
* I can only do this when I believe in a higher power that I can count on to care for me
* Looking at parts of myself that I don’t like requires it being balanced with acknowledging my assets
* Like a tight rope walker with a balancing pole, have to put equal weights on either side or they will fall.
* On the other hand, this cleared vision allows me to see the behaviors of those in my life for what they were – sometimes lies, sometimes attempts at manipulating me, unnecessary or inappropriate judging coupled with condescension, sometimes attempts at preserving the status quo as I was changing,
* Allowed me to recognize the truth that my loved ones suffered from an addiction and deserved love and compassion, regardless of what choices I made for myself or what stage of their addiction they were in.

Readings in this episode are from the Al-Anon book Discovering Choices.
This is the third episode in a sequence on the “Gifts of Al-Anon“, which are described on pp. 268-9 of the book From Survival to Recovery.
Upcoming topics include Step 1 “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.” How have you found power in admitting your powerlessness? How was (is) your life unmanageble? How does this step help lead you into recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Mentioned in the show
Claire asked about setting limits on her children. We've done a few episodes on boundaries, including:
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The Recovery Show 1:36:58
Life on Purpose – Episode 156 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/#respond Tue, 07 Jun 2016 03:09:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3490 Can you say what is your purpose? How do you decide what to do on a daily basis? What do you want to be “when you grow up”? This episode is inspired by the book Life on Purpose. How has recovery challenged me to articulate my values and my purpose? What is the purpose of “purpose”? … Continue reading "Life on Purpose – Episode 156"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/feed/ 0 Can you say what is your purpose? How do you decide what to do on a daily basis? What do you want to be “when you grow up”? This episode is inspired by the book Life on Purpose.

* How has recovery challenged me to articulate my values and my purpose?
* What is the purpose of “purpose”?

* Give direction and meaning to my life
* Articulate what matters to me


* Creating my life vs taking life for granted.
* Live a longer and healthier life?
* “So let’s imagine a drug that was shown to add years to your life; reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke; cut your risk of Alzheimer’s disease by more than half; help you relax during the day and sleep better at night; double your chances of staying drug- and alcohol-free after treatment; activate your natural killer cells; diminish your inflammatory cells; increase your good cholesterol; and repair your DNA. What if this imaginary drug reduced hospital stays so much that it put a dent in the national health-care crisis? Oh, and as a bonus, gave you better sex? The pharmaceutical company who made the drug would be worth billions. The inventors of the drug would receive Nobel Prizes and have institutes named for them! But it’s not a drug. It’s purpose. And it’s free. Oh, and the side effects? More friends. More happiness. Deeper engagement in life. And did I mention better sex?”
* Eudaimonic (self-transcending) vs Hedonic (self-enhancing) pleasure.

* Eudaimonic pleasure: Connecting with our (inner) divinity, living in harmony with it.
* Hedonic pleasure: gratifying short-term desires.
* How do we do this in recovery? Step 11!


* How do I find and describe my purpose?

* Consider my different roles? Do I have a purpose in each of those roles?

* Community
* Work
* Family
* Self


* What do I want written on my headstone? (“Mentor, Husband and Father”? Or “Highest score in Candy Crush”?)


* What are my values?

* From episode 101: Integrity, Commitment, Acceptance, Love
* How do these drive my purpose?
* What other values might be part of my purpose?
* What are the values of people I admire? How do they live their purposes?


* Affirming values as a reason for behavior change enhances the ability to make that change. (Connecting to Steps 6 & 7.)

* A positive approach to behavior change.
* From AA Big Book: “On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.”
* And “When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.”


* What are my goals (based on my values)? (Statements starting with “To…”)

* To lead others into recovery. (Community)
* To create software that makes a difference in people’s lives. (Work)
* To be a loving and committed husband, father, and son. (Family)
* To be fully present and to enjoy life. (Personal)


* Self-transcendance

* Step 3 – Living according to my Higher Power’s will.
* “Make the other band members look and sound good. Bring out the best in them; that’s your job.” – CHRISSIE HYNDE
* Find a self-transcending “why” for what I do, and I will do better!
* But also: set good boundaries!


* Time management or Energy management?

* It’s really about energy management.
* Positive affirmation of values and purpose can increase energy. (also “gratitude list”)
* But not just energy – it needs direction. Without a direction, all the energy in the world is unlikely to accomplish something.
* Roughly two thousand years ago,]]>
The Recovery Show 1:09:16
Say Yes! to Life – Episode 155 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/#respond Tue, 24 May 2016 01:28:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3485 Last weekend, I drove back to the city I grew up in, to attend a memorial service for a childhood friend. As family and friends shared their memories of my friend, I reflected on the ways we say “Yes!” to life in the presence of death. This week, I am re-issuing episode 76, Loss, with … Continue reading "Say Yes! to Life – Episode 155"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/feed/ 0 I attended a memorial service for a childhood friend. Family and friends shared their memories, and I reflected on the ways we say "Yes!" to life, in death. Last weekend, I drove back to the city I grew up in, to attend a memorial service for a childhood friend. As family and friends shared their memories of my friend, I reflected on the ways we say “Yes!” to life in the presence of death. This week, I am re-issuing episode 76, Loss, with a new title. The original notes for that episode follow.
What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss affects me and those close to me, and how my response to loss is so different now than it was before I came into the program. I used this outline as a guide for my musings.

* The story.
* How did I deal with loss in the past?

* Stuff it
* Ignore it
* Numb it
* Isolate


* Other kinds of loss?

* Loss of dreams
* Loss of friendship

* Separation and divorce




* Fear of Loss
* How has the program helped me to deal with loss?

* Feel it.
* Acceptance.
* Gratitude for what was.
* Grief process — acknowledge it.
* Less guilt.


* How to deal with loss and grief

* Take care of self
* Prayer
* Ask for help
* Talk about it
* One Day at a Time
* Letting go



Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Green Day – Wake Me Up when September Ends
Jimmy Eat World – Hear You Me
 
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The Recovery Show 48:55
Mothers Day – Episode 154 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/#respond Tue, 17 May 2016 04:57:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3481 Are you a mother? What did you learn from your mother? How has recovery changed your way of being a mother, or your relationship with your mother? Inspired by the US holiday, Mothers Day, Carrie and Spencer talk about mothers, their relationship with their mothers, and being a mother. What was your mother like? What … Continue reading "Mothers Day – Episode 154"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/feed/ 0 Happy Mothers Day. Are you a mother? What did you learn from your mother? How has recovery changed your way of being a mother, or your relationship with your mother? Inspired by the US holiday, Mothers Day, Carrie and Spencer talk about mothers, their relationship with their mothers, and being a mother.

* What was your mother like?
* What was your relationship with her like?

* Loving?
* Complicated?
* Difficult?


* What did you learn from her?

* About how to live?
* About how to relate to others?
* About being a parent?


* Are you a mother now?
* What did your mothering look like before coming into the program?
* What has changed about how you are a mother since you came into recovery?
* How do you incorporate what you have learned into your mothering?
* How has your understanding of / relationship with your mother changed in recovery?
* How do you relate to your mother now?

Upcoming topics include loss and grief. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Akilah mentioned a meditation app, Stop Breathe, Think.
Music from the show
The cast of Empire, featuring Jussie Smollet: Good Enough

Lunchmoney Lewis: Mama

Elizabeth Mitchell: You Are my Sunshine

Elizabeth Mitchell: You are my Sunshine

 
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The Recovery Show 1:26:53
Ajit S Open Talk – Episode 153 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/#respond Tue, 10 May 2016 00:59:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3479 This open talk by Ajit S was recorded at the We Are Not Saints AA roundup in 2007. I first heard Ajit on a tape or CD some years ago, when I was new in the Al-Anon. I liked what he had to say and how he said it. He has a great self-deprecating humor … Continue reading "Ajit S Open Talk – Episode 153"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/feed/ 0 An open talk by Ajit S from the We Are Not Saints AA roundup in 2007. Great wisdom from his years in Al-Anon and a unique vision of his Higher Power. Our topic for next week is Mothers Day. What was relationship like with your mother – the challenges and gifts. If you are a mother, what did your mothering look like before program (if you came after being a mom for a while), and how do you incorporate what you've learned from Al Anon in your current mothering. Men, you can contribute, too, except you probably can't talk about your experience as a mother. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Eva recommended Bob Moses with Tearing Me Up.

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:00:13
Shutting down as a defense – Episode 152 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/#comments Tue, 03 May 2016 05:19:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3475 Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense. Here's our outline: Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down? “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.” “If I don’t think about a problem, it will … Continue reading "Shutting down as a defense – Episode 152"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/feed/ 1 Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense. Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense.
Here's our outline:

Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down?

* “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.”
* “If I don’t think about a problem, it will go away.” (Tom)
* “Instead of doing something, I chew over my problems in my head, over and over.”
* “I escape into a book/movie/tv show/video game/… when I don’t want to face something.”
* “Conflict just shuts me down. Sometimes I can’t even talk.”
* “I keep busy with unimportant tasks, so I don’t have to face the things I don’t want to do.” (Tom)
* “When there is chaos around me, I can’t do anything. I just shut down and retreat into my skull.”
* “I hide by not answering the phone, or not opening mail.” (Tom)
* “I fantasize about a better future, but I don’t seem to be able to do anything about getting there.” (Tom)
* “In an airport or other public space I make sure nobody will sit next to me.” (Tom)
* “I avoid difficult conversations at all costs.”
* “There’s only one way to survive life. Shut down, or get hurt and die.”


* What have I learned about myself, and about my ways of “shutting down” and “escaping”?

* Conflict avoidant.
* Lack of self-worth/self-esteem.
* Fear of criticism, rejection, other mental/spiritual harm.
* Fear of bodily harm.
* Fear of intimacy.
* Denial — if I don’t “know” about a problem, maybe it won’t happen.
* Isolating
* Depression


* When can it be healthy to “shut down”?

* Detachment
* Taking a break
* Resting


* What tools can I use to face daily conflicts, problems, and discomfort of dealing with other people?

* Serenity prayer.
* Other prayers.
* Inventory. (I can’t change something if I don’t see it.)
* Gratitude.
* Check in with program friends.
* Living in the moment. “One day at a time.”
* Meditation.
* Practicing Step 10. “… and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
* Self-acceptance
* Vulnerability.
* HOW: “Honest, open, and willing.”
* Detachment — “it’s not me/mine”
* Scheduling activities with others to prevent a self-isolating funk
* Progress not perfection



Some online resources
Suppressing Emotions
Emotionally Closed Off: Healing Pain and Learning to Love
Why Anxiety Causes Detachment “Why anxiety causes detachment” (about the “bad” kind of detachment — distancing, emotional shutting down)
Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. This one is “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
The 12 Traditions as a Guide to Relationships (PDF)
Music from the show
Christina Perri: Jar of Hearts

Alessia Cara: Here

Cocteau Twins: Throughout the Dark Months of April and May (and, yes, I mis-stated the title as “… March and April”. Wishful thinking?]]>
The Recovery Show 1:22:54
Meditation – Episode 151 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/#respond Thu, 28 Apr 2016 06:05:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3459 How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say “I need to do that!” “I've got to get into doing it regularly.” “I know it would really help me.” So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? And what ways are there to meditate? Spencer … Continue reading "Meditation – Episode 151"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/feed/ 0 How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say "I need to do that!" "I've got to get into doing it regularly." "I know it would really help me." So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say “I need to do that!” “I've got to get into doing it regularly.” “I know it would really help me.” So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? And what ways are there to meditate?
Spencer and Eric talk briefly about their (non-)understanding of meditation before coming to recovery. We explore some of the benefits of meditation. And talk about the ways in which we have practiced it. Eric points out that the key word here is “practice.” Just as we must exercise our muscles to become competent at a physical activity, we also need to exercise our “meditating muscles.” Carrie and Patty also share some of their experience and understanding.
For some articles and a video about the benefits of meditation, read on.
This short article, titled “Benefits of Meditation: The Power of the Silent Mind over the Body” quickly describes some of these benefits, including decreased anxiety and depression, along with increased pain tolerance, and and improved immune system.
A fun article about “The Most Relaxing Songs of All Time, According to Science” lists 10 songs that promote relaxation, including “the most relaxing song, ever.” Spencer recalls using the music of Enya (number 4 in the list) to calm his young children when the chaos was just too much. (Science!)
A blog post from Psychology Today, “How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation” is a brief introduction to this practice. It asks “Aren't we interested in tuning in to this natural wisdom, this brilliant sanity, that we've heard about?” Another entry from Psychology Today, titled “This is your Brain on Meditation” has more technical background about the effects and benefits of meditating.
Forbes Magazine has an article “7 Ways Meditation can actually Change the Brain“, reporting that it “helps relieve our subjective levels of anxiety and depression, and improve attention, concentration, and overall psychological well-being.”
The Insight Timer app is a great aid for iPhone or Android. Spencer also has used the Mindfulness app, which has a variety of silent and guided meditations.
Eric participates in a regular phone meditation meeting at 8:30AM (Eastern US time) 712-432-8818 and then enter the PIN 8888#. Other Al-Anon phone meetings are listed at phonemeetings.org.
Patty talked about the book “8 Minute Meditation” in her voice mail.
Upcoming topics include the promise “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
Cloud Cult: Time Machine Invention

The Scientific Power of Meditation

John Mayer: Gravity

 
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The Recovery Show 1:24:25
Your Voice – Episode 150 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/#respond Mon, 18 Apr 2016 18:55:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3451 Do you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others? I was inspired by this reading to say “No! Your voice matters!” Commitment People say, what is the sense of our small effort. They cannot see that we must lay one brick … Continue reading "Your Voice – Episode 150"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/feed/ 0 StoryDo you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others? Do you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others?
I was inspired by this reading to say “No! Your voice matters!”
Commitment
People say, what is the sense of our small effort.
They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time.
A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that spread in all directions. Each one of our thoughts, words and deeds is like that.
— Dorothy Day
Your voices, as heard via e-mail and by voice mail, form the heart of this episode. Dxpressing your experience, strength and hope, your fears, abd your questions.
Carrie sent a list of topic ideas, but more than just that — she expressed her experience and her doubts on each one. The topics are listed below, and I'd love to hear from you. Some of these, we have talked about before, but there's always more to say, especially when your voice joins the conversation. What is your experience? What hope do you offer? Where have you found strength? And what questions do you still have?

* Sleep
* Perfectionism
* How to rebuild trust when they stop drinking
* When your loved one stops drinking but won't go to AA
* Narcissism
* Al-Anon speaker talks
* How our Al-Anon-ism shows up physically
* Al-Anon slip-ups
* My first meeting
* Sponsorship – how to find one
* “Came to believe”
* Finding myself again
* Shutting down (as a defense)
* Recovery on the road
* Anger
* Carrying the message
* Gratitude
* Anything inspired by Brené Brown
* Hypervigilance
* Parenting “the Al-Anon way”

She also sent us a link to an Al-Anon speaker talk she particularly connects with. See below for the YouTube video.
If you would like to contribute your voice, please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. See our contact page for more ways to join our conversation.
Other episodes and links
Our First Meetings – Episode 26

Parents roundtable – Episode 22

Living with Lies – Episode 132

Sponsorship – Episode 25

Sponsorship Round Table – Episode 32

Carrie sent us these links with quotes about failure:

* http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_failure.html
* https://www.pinterest.com/lisaboerum/failure/

An Al-Anon speaker talk

 
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The Recovery Show 37:38
Fourth Step Inventory – Episode 149 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/#respond Mon, 11 Apr 2016 23:33:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3446 Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the “How it Works” chapter in the AA Big Book. There are 4 worksheets, corresponding to the 4 inventory … Continue reading "Fourth Step Inventory – Episode 149"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/feed/ 0 Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the "How it Works" chapter in the AA Big Book. Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the “How it Works” chapter in the AA Big Book.
There are 4 worksheets, corresponding to the 4 inventory categories listed in the Big Book: resentments, fears, sex conduct, and harms to others. Each worksheet has 4 or 5 columns to be filled in, one column at a time.
For example, in the worksheet for fears, the first column is headed “What am I afraid of?” In this column, I might list financial insecurity, (negative) judgement by others, people not liking me, etc. I should finish this column before moving on. The second column heading asks “Why do I have the fear?”. I might say “because I never seem to have as much money as I want” in the first row, and so on. The 3rd column is titled “Which part of self have I been relying on that has failed me?” It has sub-headings “self-reliance”, “self-confidence”, “self-discipline”, “self-will”, and a blank space to enter other parts of self, if these don't fit your case. In my first row, I might check “self-reliance” and “self-discipline”. In the second and third, I will clearly mark “self-confidence”. The fourth column asks “What part of self does the fear affect?”, and has these subheadings: Self esteem, pride, emotional security, pocketbook, ambitions, personal relations, and sex relations. Again, I will fill these in from top to bottom. In the first row, I check self esteem, emotional security, pocketbook, and ambitions. In the second, self esteem, pride, and personal relations. And so on.
The other worksheets are arranged similarly. In each, you fill in columns from top to bottom, as completely as possible, before moving on to the next column. Mike and David work through several examples, and provide explanations of what some of the words and concepts mean to them. Members of the audience chime in with suggestions and questions. I feel that I have a better understanding now of how I could use these worksheets, having listened to their presentations.
Our topic for next week is meditation. Do you meditate? How? Does the idea of sitting still and thinking of “nothing” just seem impossible? Are there are other ways to meditate? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
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The Recovery Show 1:24:59
Worthy of Love – Episode 148 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/#respond Tue, 05 Apr 2016 03:28:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3439 We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. What does this mean to you? If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it? … Continue reading "Worthy of Love – Episode 148"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/feed/ 0 We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.

* What does this mean to you?
* If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it?

* would you have made sense of it at all?
* would you have believed it could be true for you?
* Did parts of that statement seem true already? Which parts and why?


* What does it mean to you

* To be worthy of love?
* To be worthy of loving?
* To love without losing yourself?
* To accept love?


* As you have traveled your recovery path, how has your understanding of this statement changed?

* Are there parts you thought were true that you came to see were not true?
* Did parts of it start to make sense?
* Did you find a deeper understanding of parts of it?
* Did you see that this was true of others in the program, and come to want it for yourself?


* How do you see this gift coming true in your life today?
* What progress do you still look forward to?
* What would you say to a newcomer who can’t believe this could ever come true in their own life?

Upcoming topics include meditation and recovery while traveling. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Mentioned in the show
Episode 77 Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay?
Episode 65 Hope
Swetha and Kelli's goodbye letter.
Music from the show
Sara McLachlan: I will Remember you

Miranda Cosgrove: Hey You

Mary Lambert: Body Love

Trigger warning: self-harm
 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:04:01
Roll Away the Stone – Episode 147 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/#respond Tue, 29 Mar 2016 03:20:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3432 “Who will roll away the stone?” The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial. In Al-Anon, we find that help. It might come from recognition that we are not alone, that others have been where we … Continue reading "Roll Away the Stone – Episode 147"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/feed/ 0 "Who will roll away the stone?" The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial. “Who will roll away the stone?”
The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial.
In Al-Anon, we find that help. It might come from recognition that we are not alone, that others have been where we are, and have found serenity and happiness despite the unmanageability brought by alcoholism and addiction. It might come from working the 12 steps, and from the tools of our program of recovery. It might come from the love and support of a Higher Power that some of us name God. But however it might come, it does come when we seek it and work for it.
Happy Easter, and may you find the recovery you are seeking. May you find the help you need to roll away your stone.
The opening reading is from the blog Nancy's Chutney, titled Resurrection from deadness.
Upcoming topics include meditation and another of the “Gifts of Al-Anon.” We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. How do you see this coming true in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Mott the Hoople: Roll Away the Stone

Leon Russell: Roll Away the Stone

Mumford and Sons: Roll Away your Stone

Bonus: L suggested “Father in a Bottle” by Annie Humphrey. L says “Her song describes the sadness and loss from the perspective of a daughter of an alcoholic father in a very simple yet reflective way.”

 
 
 
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The Recovery Show 24:57
Emotional Safety – Episode 146 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/#comments Tue, 22 Mar 2016 12:15:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3428 Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety. Thought questions for this discussion include these: What is emotional safety? What is emotional security? How do they relate to each other and how are they different? How are emotional safety and security threatened? What happens … Continue reading "Emotional Safety – Episode 146"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/feed/ 2 Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety. Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety.
Thought questions for this discussion include these:
What is emotional safety? What is emotional security? How do they relate to each other and how are they different?
How are emotional safety and security threatened? What happens to us internally when we feel under threat?
Is emotional abuse less “real” than physical abuse?
How can Al-Anon help us recover and regain our feelings of emotional safety and security? What tools help? Which steps? How do we provide a safe environment for healing in our meetings? In face-to-face interactions with a sponsor or program friend?
Resources that we used in this episode include:

* Emotional Safety: How it Works or Doesn't (Psychology Today)
* Emotional Safety: What Does It Really Mean? (Psychology Today)
* Keeping a Relationship Emotionally Safe (SSA Magazine)
* Tips for Enhancing Emotional Safety (National Center for Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health tipsheet)
* Emotional Safety: What it is and Why it's Important (family-marriage-counseling.com)
* Rebuilding Emotional Safety In Your Damaged Relationship (CompulsionSolutions.com)

Our topic for next week is one of the gifts of Al-Anon: “We will discover that we are both worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.” Do you feel worthy of love? Can you love without losing yourself? How has this changed in recovery?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Grimes: Oblivion

Mandisa: Overcomer

Christina Aguilera: The Voice Within

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The Recovery Show 1:00:09
So, You Love an Alcoholic – Episode 145 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/#respond Thu, 17 Mar 2016 01:33:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3426 Do you love an alcoholic? Has that love brought you fear, anger, shame, and joy? 3 Al-Anon speakers from a session at the 2015 AA International Convention share their experience, strength, and hope. A listener emailed with a question about emotional abuse and emotional safety. Have you felt emotionally unsafe? Have you dismissed those feelings … Continue reading "So, You Love an Alcoholic – Episode 145"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/feed/ 0 Do you love an alcoholic? Has that love brought you fear, anger, shame, and joy? 3 Al-Anon speakers from a session at the 2015 AA International Convention share their experience, strength, and hope. A listener emailed with a question about emotional abuse and emotional safety. Have you felt emotionally unsafe? Have you dismissed those feelings because you were physically safe? How has recovery helped you move forward and become emotionally secure? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
The meditation Let God was enjoyed by another listener.

Music from the show
Lori McKenna: Drinking Problem

Concrete Blonde: Joey

Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats: S.O.B.

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:18:17
The 4 M’s – Episode 84 redux http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2016 00:47:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3423 Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Spencer had a very full weekend, so please enjoy this “best of” … Continue reading "The 4 M’s – Episode 84 redux"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/feed/ 1 Do you try to do it all? To take care of others? To force outcomes? Are you unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom.
Spencer had a very full weekend, so please enjoy this “best of” episode.
Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the “4 M's” and how the program has helped us to rely less on these crutches.

* How do/did I try to manipulate others?

* “Setting up” a situation
* passive/agressive behavior


* How do/did I try to manage and control my live and the lives of those around me?

* How have I taken on responsibilities that were not mine?
* Have I ever been called a control freak?


* How do/did I mother others by “cleaning up” their problems, by doing things for them, etc?
* How have I played the martyr. What did I hope to gain?
* What tools does Alanon give us?
* Inventory – recognizing my behaviors.
* Loving detachment
* Self care

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Pink Floyd – Mother

 
Taylor Swift – Picture to Burn

 
Depeche Mode – Martyr

 
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The Recovery Show 1:25:24
Joy, Fulfillment and Wonder – Episode 144 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/#respond Tue, 01 Mar 2016 12:46:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3404 Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come? In this first episode in a series, we explore a “Gift of Al-Anon“. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though … Continue reading "Joy, Fulfillment and Wonder – Episode 144"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/feed/ 0 Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come? Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come?
In this first episode in a series, we explore a “Gift of Al-Anon“.
We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
Spencer and Brooke explore how this gift is appearing in their lives, guided by these questions.

If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it?

would you have made sense of it at all?
would you have believed it could be true for you?
Did parts of that statement seem true already? Which parts and why?


As you have traveled your recovery path, how has your understanding of this statement changed?

Are there parts you thought were true that you came to see were not true?
Did parts of it start to make sense?
Did you find a deeper understanding of parts of it?
Did you see that this was true of others in the program, and come to want it for yourself?


How do you see this gift coming true in your life today?
What progress do you still look forward to?
What would you say to a newcomer who can’t believe this could ever come true in their own life?

Upcoming topics include recovery in divorce. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Joseph suggested “The Weight” by The Band as a song that feels good.

Susan said “it reminds me of my recovered self” when she recommended “Inner Ninja” by Classified.

About “Lost in my Mind” by The Head and the Heart, Kathleen wrote
I love this song for its tone of compassion for overthinking and obsessive thinking. It was a theme song in the movie Silver Lining Playbook and I just heard it performed by staff and some patients at a charity event at the mental health facility, Skyland Trail in Atlanta, GA. Very powerful moment for me as an Alanon and mom of a daughter with bipolar disorder.

 
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The Recovery Show 1:00:51
God of our Understanding – Episode 143 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/#respond Tue, 23 Feb 2016 00:41:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3398 What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God? Two speakers from a NA convention share their experience finding a God of their … Continue reading "God of our Understanding – Episode 143"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/feed/ 0 What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God? What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God?
Two speakers from a NA convention share their experience finding a God of their understanding. (From the Recovery Radio Network.)
Our topic for next week is the first in a series on the “gifts of Al-Anon.”
We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
How have you found this coming true in your life? Or are you still waiting?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Filled with Loving Kindness

U2: I Still Haven't Found what I'm Looking for

Leann Rimes: Amazing Grace

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:09:04
Love and Alcoholism – Episode 142 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/#respond Tue, 16 Feb 2016 05:09:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3390 What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart. The ancient Greeks had 4 words for different kinds of love. In English, we have to use adjectives to distinguish them. These include Romantic love Sexual love Parental love Familial … Continue reading "Love and Alcoholism – Episode 142"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/feed/ 0 What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart. What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart.
The ancient Greeks had 4 words for different kinds of love. In English, we have to use adjectives to distinguish them. These include

Romantic love
Sexual love
Parental love
Familial love
Obsessive love
Compassionate love
Love of humanity
Unconditional love

In an alcoholic relationship, love can become poisoned, eventually turning into dislike or hate. We can feel both of these emotions at once, which is certainly confusing. Our recovery tools can help to detangle this messy web of feelings. By learning about the disease of alcoholism, we can begin to find compassion for our loved one, and to separate the person from the effects of the disease. This can help us to detach with love, and to find a way to live our life with balance and serenity, even while the alcoholic behavior continues.
Fear of consequences to a love one can compel us to try to control their actions and outcomes. As the reading about Step 1 in How Al-Anon Works states,
… many of us have confused love with interference. We don’t know how to show affection or support without giving advice, seeking to sway another’s decisions, or trying to get those we love to do what we think will bring them happiness. We confuse caring with controlling because we don’t know how to allow others the dignity of being themselves.
We can treat our loved ones as helpless babies who must be protected and helped. Such behavior is appropriate for a baby or young child. But we need to let go of doing that for the adults in our lives. As a child grows up, our love demands that we let them learn to do things for themselves and experience consequences, so that they will be able to live independently as adults.
In the suggested Al-Anon closing, we are told that
… though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way— the same way we already love you.
It is also said that in recovery, “we love you until you can learn to love yourself.” What does this mean? We have learned to love ourselves as our higher power loves us – unconditionally – strengths, flaws, and all. And thus, we learn to see you as a lovable human being, struggling to recover from the effects of alcoholism or addiction, and we can love you just as you are.
Upcoming topics include recovery in divorce, and the “gifts of Al-Anon”. The first of these states, “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How is this gift coming true in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
In this show, I recommended a talk titled “God of our Understanding” at the Recovery Radio Network. They have a huge database of recovery talks, and also deliver a new talk every week day as a podcast to which you can subscribe.
I also talked about an episode of On Being with the brain surgeon James Doty in which he talks about how changing his attitude – changing how he looked at his life and his situation – enabled him to break out of his alcoholic family situation and led him to a “vision that anything and everything was p...]]>
The Recovery Show 1:04:16
Intimacy – Episode 141 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2016 05:54:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3382 Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal self disclosure and candor. Spencer recently was a speaker at an open panel meeting titled “The Effects of Alcoholism and Addiction on Intimacy and … Continue reading "Intimacy – Episode 141"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/feed/ 2 Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal se... Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal self disclosure and candor.
Spencer recently was a speaker at an open panel meeting titled “The Effects of Alcoholism and Addiction on Intimacy and Sexual Relationships”. Hear his sharing about how his ability to be intimate was damaged by alcoholism, and how he is rediscovering intimacy in recovery.
Tom and Grace also attended the panel, and we talk about what we expected, what happened, and how it touched us.
Grace shares her experience as an organizer of the meeting. We recognize that these topics are not ones that we frequently talk about in our meetings. Intimacy and sex are severely affected in alcoholic relationships, and we need to be talking about them more than we do.
One upcoming topic is recovery in divorce. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
The Al-Anon WSO is soliciting shares for a new publication on Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships. If you would like to share your experience, strength, and hope, please use these guidelines to do so.
Claire recommended these books for Adult Children:

 

Music from the show
Tori Amos: Enjoy the Silence

Jamyang: Things We Ought to Say

Vienna Teng: Eric's Song

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:17:37
Sponsorship: a prompt – Episode 140 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/#respond Tue, 02 Feb 2016 03:53:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3377 Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it! Two of us share our experience as a sponsor, and of being sponsored, and then challenge you to share your experience, strength, … Continue reading "Sponsorship: a prompt – Episode 140"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/feed/ 0 Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it! Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it!
Two of us share our experience as a sponsor, and of being sponsored, and then challenge you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us.
Upcoming topics include the first gift of Al-Anon: “1. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. See our contact page for detailed information about how to join our conversation.

Music from the show
The Hollies: He Ain't Heavy (He's my Brother)

Pearl Jam: Force of Nature

John Lennon: Imagine

 
 
 
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The Recovery Show 43:33
It’s a We program – Episode 139 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/#respond Tue, 26 Jan 2016 03:50:50 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3373 The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope? All the steps (not just the first) start with “we”. The AA big book prefaces the steps with “Here are … Continue reading "It’s a We program – Episode 139"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/feed/ 0 The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope? The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope?


All the steps (not just the first) start with “we”.

The AA big book prefaces the steps with “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:”
The foreword to the 3rd edition of the AA “big book” says “… at its core it remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope.
We know who we mean

Tradition 3 says “… The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.”
Tradition 5: “… welcoming families of alcoholics …”


Fellowship

This word appears over 60 times in the text of How Al-Anon Works.
You may have first heard this word in the suggested opening words at your first meeting:

We welcome you to [this] Al-Anon Family Group and hope you will find in this fellowship the help and friendship we have been privileged to enjoy. We who live or have lived with the problem of alcoholism understand as perhaps few others can. We, too, were lonely and frustrated, but in Al-Anon/ Alateen we discover that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. We urge you to try our program. It has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serenity. So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.



How it works

My experience
First meeting: no longer alone (I was “one more”)
Early meetings: finding commonality
Wanting “what you had”. Others had walked this path before me.
Getting a sponsor: A personal companion on the journey. A voice that is not mine.
Working the steps in a group: coming to trust. I’m not uniquely broken. Letting go of shame.


Step 12: “… to carry this message to others”

We do this. Not professionals, not specialists, but us, and only us.
Leading the “newcomers’ meeting”. Sharing our experience, giving those new to the program a place to share theirs and to ask questions.
Being a sponsor


I say “we” because I heal when you share your experience, strength and hope with me. I heal when I become part of “we”. And we know who we mean. And each day, we become (at least) one more.




Upcoming topics include the first gift of Al-Anon: “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life?
A suggested topic is “recovery after divorce.” Please share your experience so others can benefit.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Spencer was inspired to this topic by a poem “The Low Road” by Marge Piercy.
Susanne recommended http://storiesofrecovery.org/, as a resource for talks on recovery topics, including open talks,]]>
The Recovery Show 1:00:47
Families – Episode 138 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/#respond Tue, 19 Jan 2016 04:06:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3368 Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery? Tom joins us, and talks about what his family was like growing up, what he brought from that into his adult life, what he rebelled against, and how he is using his recovery … Continue reading "Families – Episode 138"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/feed/ 0 Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery? Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery?
Tom joins us, and talks about what his family was like growing up, what he brought from that into his adult life, what he rebelled against, and how he is using his recovery programs to find a more balanced way of living and relating to his families — his family of origin and his recovery family.
As with last week's conversation, we were guided by these questions:

* Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in.

* Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction?
* Was there codepenency?


* What did you learn in your family of origin?

* About relating to other people?
* About keeping secrets?
* About love?


* How did these affect your life before recovery?

* Your relationships?
* Your ability to take life on life’s terms?
* Your desire/need to control others and your environment?
* If you are a parent, what patterns from your parents did you bring into your new family?
* etc?


* Alcoholism is described in our literature as a “family illness”. In what ways do you now understand this description?
* How has alcoholism or addiction affected you and your family (current or family of origin)? How has your perception of this changed in recovery?
* How has recovery helped you to develop / discover new ways of being in family?
* How has recovery helped you to be with your family of origin?
* How do you use the principles of the program (including traditions and concepts) in your family or other relationships today?

An upcoming topic is the first “gift of Al-Anon”.  It says “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life? Or are you still waiting for it? Another topic I’m thinking about is “We”. What does it mean to you that this is a “we” program? How does hearing the experience of others and sharing your own lead to recovery? To me, this is both the core and the mystery of our program.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Eminem: Cleanin' Out My Closet

The Ramones: We're a Happy Family

Nirvana: Been a Son

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:03:12
Family – Episode 137 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/#comments Tue, 12 Jan 2016 03:35:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3365 What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery? Spencer and Mara talk about family, guided by these questions. Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in. Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction? Was there codepenency? What did you learn … Continue reading "Family – Episode 137"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/feed/ 2 What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery? What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery?
Spencer and Mara talk about family, guided by these questions.

Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in.

Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction?
Was there codepenency?


What did you learn in your family of origin?

About relating to other people?
About keeping secrets?
About love?


How did these affect your life before recovery?

Your relationships?
Your ability to take life on life’s terms?
Your desire/need to control others and your environment?
If you are a parent, what patterns from your parents did you bring into your new family?
etc?


Alcoholism is described in our literature as a “family illness”. In what ways do you now understand this description?
How has alcoholism or addiction affected you and your family (current or family of origin)? How has your perception of this changed in recovery?
How has recovery helped you to develop / discover new ways of being in family?
How has recovery helped you to be with your family of origin?
How do you use the principles of the program (including traditions and concepts) in your family or other relationships today?

 
Upcoming topics include “We”, and the “gifts of Al-Anon.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Pink: Family Portrait

Pearl Jam: My Father's Son

 
 
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The Recovery Show 1:18:41
Old Year New Year – Episode 136 http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/#respond Tue, 05 Jan 2016 04:40:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3361 What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year? Reflect on your year past, look forward to the new year with these thought questions. In this episode, Spencer reflects on his 2015 and looks at his 2016 goals. Did I … Continue reading "Old Year New Year – Episode 136"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/feed/ 0 What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year? What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year?
Reflect on your year past, look forward to the new year with these thought questions. In this episode, Spencer reflects on his 2015 and looks at his 2016 goals.

Did I have recovery goals for 2015? What were they?
Did I have other goals for 2015? What were they?
How did I reach towards my goals?
Outside of goals, how did I work my program in 2015?
What did I find out about myself this year?
What changes have I made or been making this year?
What has changed in my life this year?
What did I achieve this year? In recovery? In my life in general?
What will I keep on doing in 2016?
What do I want to do differently/new in 2016?
Am I setting any SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound)? Why might I want to do this? Why not?

Upcoming topics include families, and balancing more than one recovery program.
What did you learn in your family, growing up? How have you carried that into your present? Was your family “crazy” or “normal”? How have you learned a new way to be in family through recovery?
Are you in another recovery program? How do you balance your programs? Did you find a difference working the steps in Al-Anon?
 Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Greg referred to the essay on Emotional Sobriety by Bill W.
He also suggested that we do a series on the Alanon Gifts.
Music from the show
Courtney Barnett: Nobody Really Cares if you don't go to the Party

Kendrick Lamar: How Much a Dollar Cost

Protomartyr: Why Does it Shake?

 
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The Recovery Show 52:16
Cooperation and balance – Episode 135 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/#respond Wed, 30 Dec 2015 06:09:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3354 Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions? Concept 11: The World Service Office is composed of selected committees, executives and staff members. How does this … Continue reading "Cooperation and balance – Episode 135"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/feed/ 0 Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions? Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions?
Concept 11: The World Service Office is composed of selected committees, executives and staff members.

* How does this concept help ensure that the work of Al-Anon is accomplished?
* How does this concept help ensure that no one person is overloaded with tasks?
* What does this concept teach me about delegation? About turning things over?
* How can I bring this concept into my family?
* What “committees” might my family have?
* Who are the “executives” of the family? What are their roles? Do those roles ever change?
* Who are the “staff members” of the family? How are they fairly compensated for their work?
* How can me “taking control” make a bad situation worse?
* How does this concept help me to pause and assess a situation before I react?
* What is my purpose? In life? In my family? In my job?

Concept 12: The spiritual foundation for Al-Anon’s world services is contained in the General Warranties of the Conference, Article 12 of the Charter.
General Warranties of the Conference
In all proceedings the World Service Conference of Al-Anon shall observe the spirit of the Traditions:

* that only sufficient operating funds, including an ample reserve, be its prudent financial principle;
* that no Conference member shall be placed in unqualified authority over other members;
* that all decisions be reached by discussion vote and whenever possible by unanimity;
* that no Conference action ever be personally punitive or an incitement to public controversy;
* that though the Conference serves Al-Anon it shall never perform any act of government; and that like the fellowship of Al-Anon Family Groups which it serves, it shall always remain democratic in thought and action.


What are the spiritual principles embodied in these Warranties?

Prudence, humility, substantial unanimity, personal responsibility, avoidance of controversy, mutual respect, and equality.


How do I practice prudence in my financial affairs?
Are there other areas in my life in which I could practice prudence?
Can I keep an “ample reserve” of all that I need? Money, energy, serenity, etc?
What is authority? Do I ever assume unqualified authority?
Can I listen to all sides before making a decision?
What is substantial unanimity?
Can I keep principles above personalities?
Do I like to stir things up?
How is my family democratic in thought? In action?
How can I use all the concepts to live my life more fully and well?

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Books
Spencer mentioned these books:

 
 

Music from the show
Alicia Keys: Superwoman

Canned Heat: Let's Work Together

LeAnn Rimes: We Can

 
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The Recovery Show 1:44:01
Holiday Survival Kit – Episode 134 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/#respond Tue, 22 Dec 2015 23:02:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3347 Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit? Here are some items from my and my friends' holiday survival kits: Plan ahead Take Al-Anon literature … Continue reading "Holiday Survival Kit – Episode 134"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/feed/ 0 Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit? Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit?
Here are some items from my and my friends' holiday survival kits:

Plan ahead

Take Al-Anon literature with you.
Talk to Al-Anon friends or your sponsor — get numbers you can call if you need to. Make sure they are in your phone or carry a phone list with you.
Talk about your anxiety or fears with a program friend.


Don’t set unrealistic expectations.
Don’t try to meet others (or your own) unrealistic expectations.
Take care of yourself.

Get enough sleep.
Eat properly.
Get enough “self time” — don’t spend all the time with your family (toxic or not!)


Have an exit plan.

Where can you go to be alone?
Have a way to leave if you need to (drive yourself, for example.)
Stay at a motel instead of in the family home, if possible (see above about others’ expectations!)
Go for a walk.
Make a phone call.
Stay only as long as you want to.
Sit at the “kids table” (they’re usually more sane than the adults!)


Plan to attend meetings.

If you are traveling, check the local Al-Anon district website for meeting times and locations. (Google “Al-Anon in city” works pretty well.)


Take the podcast with you.
Pray and meditate — keep up your recovery routines.

This can be hard when you are not in your own space. Maybe you can’t do it exactly as you do at home, or for as long, but you will feel better if you keep up whatever P&M you normally do.


Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time.
Remember, “this too shall pass.”

Upcoming topics include Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Pogues: Fairytale of New York

Dolly Parton: Hard Candy Christmas

Over the Rhine: Darlin' (Christmas is Comin')

 
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The Recovery Show 44:59
The 4 L’s – Episode 133 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/#respond Tue, 15 Dec 2015 05:58:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3302 In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's. Spencer and Pat discuss “listen, learn, let go, and love”, prompted by these questions. Do you try to fix others if they are … Continue reading "The 4 L’s – Episode 133"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/feed/ 0 In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's. In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Pat discuss "listen, learn, let go, and love", prompted by these questions.<br /> <br /> Do you try to fix others if they are sharing a problem or difficulty?<br /> Do you have to “be right” or have the last word in discussions or arguments?<br /> Do you feel you have to convince others of your point of view?<br /> When someone disagrees with you do you feel inadequate? do get angry or defensive?<br /> Do you have difficulty moving from PAUSE to saying something that uses the THINK (Is what you are going to say Thoughtful, Honest, I, Necessary or Kind) principle?<br /> What am I learning when I practice the 4 L’s?<br /> What am I letting go of when I practice the 4 L’s?<br /> How does listen and learn apply to Al-anon meetings?<br /> Do you take care of everyone else’s needs before listening to and addressing your own?<br /> Do others’ needs take priority before you care for yourself?<br /> Upcoming topics include Surviving the Holidays, and Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:07:41
Living with Lies – Episode 132 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/#respond Tue, 08 Dec 2015 06:11:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3297 Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery? Julia joins Spencer to talk about lies, guided by these questions. How have you been lied to (in relationships with an alcoholic or addict)? How … Continue reading "Living with Lies – Episode 132"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/feed/ 0 Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery? Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery?<br /> <br /> Julia joins Spencer to talk about lies, guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> How have you been lied to (in relationships with an alcoholic or addict)?<br /> How have you lied to yourself?<br /> How did you react to lies prior to recovery?<br /> Did you become angry? withdraw?<br /> Did you deny them? Ignore them?<br /> Did you make excuses for your loved one’s behavior?<br /> What else?<br /> Can you see your loved one’s lies as a symptom of the disease?<br /> What tools have you used to stay “sane” when you are lied to? How?<br /> Detachment?<br /> Boundaries?<br /> When does lying become a “deal breaker”?<br /> How do you rebuild trust in your loved one?<br /> Are there things you still can’t trust about them or your relationship?<br /> Upcoming topics include the 4 L's, listen, learn, let go, and love; and Concepts of service 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:05:23
Slogans part 1 – Episode 131 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/#respond Tue, 24 Nov 2015 16:48:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3286 Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … “Let go and Let God.” Spencer and Eric talk about some slogans, guided by these questions. What did you think about these slogans when you first came to the program? Was there a particular slogan that you … Continue reading "Slogans part 1 – Episode 131"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/feed/ 0 Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … "Let go and Let God." Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … "Let go and Let God."<br /> <br /> Spencer and Eric talk about some slogans, guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> What did you think about these slogans when you first came to the program?<br /> Was there a particular slogan that you first “picked up”? How did it help you?<br /> What slogans are you using at this point in your recovery / life?<br /> Easy does it.<br /> How have you used this slogan?<br /> What does it say to you?<br /> How important is it?<br /> What does this slogan remind you to do, or not to do?<br /> How has it helped your recovery?<br /> How does it help you to live with others?<br /> Think<br /> From How Al-Anon Works: “One of the effects of alcoholism is that most of us tend to react to everything we encounter, often perceiving minor incidents as major crises.”<br /> How does “Think” remind me to pause instead of reacting?<br /> How have I used this recently?<br /> In the Step 10 discussion in Paths to Recovery there is an interpretation of THINK as an acronym, giving us questions to ask before opening our mouth: Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind?<br /> How do you view the slogans now?<br /> Upcoming topics include Living with Lies, Concepts 11 and 12, and the 4 L's: Listen, Learn, Let Go, and Love. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:18:35
Clearing a Path – Episode 130 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/#respond Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:43:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3278 How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life? A few weeks ago, we posted a lead by June on the topic of “Clearing a Path”. Today, 5 listeners and Spencer respond to that lead. The themes explored in our experience, strength and hope include these: A new way of living. Finding … Continue reading "Clearing a Path – Episode 130"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/feed/ 0 How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life? How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life?<br /> <br /> A few weeks ago, we posted a lead by June on the topic of "Clearing a Path". Today, 5 listeners and Spencer respond to that lead. The themes explored in our experience, strength and hope include these:<br /> <br /> A new way of living.<br /> Finding gratitude for the things we have.<br /> Recognizing the beauty around us.<br /> Turning adversity into advantage.<br /> Serenity can exist in the midst of chaos.<br /> Writing our own story.<br /> Making our own happiness.<br /> Upcoming topics include living with lies and Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 54:16
Gratitude – Episode 129 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/#respond Tue, 03 Nov 2015 03:58:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3272 Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the “punishments” of your life? I reflect on gratitude while walking in the woods on a beautiful fall day. (How) can I say I am grateful for my loved one’s alcoholism? … Continue reading "Gratitude – Episode 129"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/feed/ 0 Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the "punishments" of your life? Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the "punishments" of your life?<br /> <br /> I reflect on gratitude while walking in the woods on a beautiful fall day.<br /> <br /> (How) can I say I am grateful for my loved one’s alcoholism?<br /> it is part of who she is -- her personality<br /> I am the person I am now<br /> (How) can I find gratitude for pain in my life.<br /> Colbert: “‘You have to learn to love the bomb.’ It took me a long time to really understand what that meant. It wasn’t ‘Laugh it off.’ No, it means what it says. You gotta learn to love when you’re failing… The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.”<br /> “What punishments of God are not gifts? … So it would be ungrateful not to take everything with gratitude. It doesn’t mean you want it. I can hold both of those ideas in my head.”<br /> ”It’s our choice whether to hate something in our lives or to love every moment of them, even the parts that bring us pain. At every moment, we are volunteers.”<br /> http://www.gq.com/story/stephen-colbert-gq-cover-story<br /> What am I grateful for today.<br /> I have a home to live in and food to eat and energy to keep me comfortable.<br /> I have a family who loves me and who I love.<br /> My body-self is reasonably healthy, despite the minor aches and pains I complain of daily.<br /> The day is beautiful, crisp, clear with bright fall colors.<br /> I have a program that helps me to grow spiritually and to become more of the person I want to be.<br /> I am the sum of my live experiences. I would not be who I am without them.<br /> What are you grateful for today? Can you find gifts in your “punishments”? The Recovery Show 52:32
Leadership – Episode 128 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2015 05:29:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3268 What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? Spencer and Akilah talk about Concepts 8, 9, and 10, which address these concerns and others. Concept 8: “The Board of Trustees delegates full authority for routine management of Al-Anon Headquarters to its executive … Continue reading "Leadership – Episode 128"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/feed/ 2 What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? Spencer and Akilah talk about Concepts 8, 9, and 10, which address these concerns and others.<br /> <br /> Concept 8: “The Board of Trustees delegates full authority for routine management of Al-Anon Headquarters to its executive committees.”<br /> <br /> How does this concept provide for consistent management of a largely voluntary, highly distributed, global organization?<br /> How do I delegate tasks in my personal life? In my work life?<br /> Once I delegate a task, am I willing to trust the results?<br /> How does this concept remind me to focus on my priorities and invest my efforts for the greatest results?<br /> How has fear of asking for help limited my ability to focus on priorities?<br /> Concept 9: “Good personal leadership at all service levels is a necessity. In the field of world service the Board of Trustees assumes the primary leadership.”<br /> <br /> What is “good personal leadership”?<br /> What is the distinction between leadership and management?<br /> What expectations do I have of a good leader?<br /> How have I served as a leader?<br /> What leadership qualities do I have? Which ones would I like to develop?<br /> How can putting the focus on myself help me to take on a positive leadership role with others?<br /> Am I hesitant to be a leader? Why or why not?<br /> What does it mean to have vision? How can I share my vision?<br /> Concept 10: “Service responsibility is balanced by carefully defined service authority and double-headed management is avoided.”<br /> <br /> Is service responsibility carefully defined in my Al-Anon group?<br /> … in my family?<br /> … at my job?<br /> When have I assumed responsibilities that are not mine?<br /> How can I encourage balanced responsibility.<br /> What is double-headed management? Why do we want to avoid it?<br /> Am I involved in any double-headed management?<br /> Am I involved in situations where one person has the responsibility, while a different person has the authority?<br /> What kind of guidelines and definitions of a project would I find helpful before accepting a responsibility? The Recovery Show 1:32:57
Step 2 – Higher Power – Episode 127 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/#respond Mon, 12 Oct 2015 21:17:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3262   Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” The episode is bracketed by a short intro and closing recorded in the northern Utah desert. Upcoming … Continue reading "Step 2 – Higher Power – Episode 127"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/feed/ 0   Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." The episode is bracketed by a short intro and closing recorded in the northern Utah desert. The Recovery Show 1:00:34
Clearing a Path – A Lead – Episode 126 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/#respond Tue, 06 Oct 2015 02:24:11 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3258 Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections. What thoughts does June's lead inspire in you? How do you relate to this metaphor of clearing a path with … Continue reading "Clearing a Path – A Lead – Episode 126"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/feed/ 0 Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections. Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections.<br /> <br /> What thoughts does June's lead inspire in you? How do you relate to this metaphor of clearing a path with the Al-Anon tools? Do you have a story of using the tools to turn an obstacle into a joy? If you were in a meeting that opened with this sharing, what would you say when it was your turn? Please share your experience, strength, and hope with us. Leave voice mail at 734-7070-8795, use the VoiceMail button on the website, or perhaps do what June did: record your share on your computer or smart phone and email it to feedback@therecoveryshow.com. In about a month, I will compile your responses into a new show. Please contribute your voice. The Recovery Show 20:38
Conferences and conventions – Episode 125 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/#respond Fri, 25 Sep 2015 05:30:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3253 Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery? Spencer talks with Annie and Alvin about their experience attending recovery conferences. Our discussion is guided by … Continue reading "Conferences and conventions – Episode 125"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/feed/ 0 Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery? Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery?<br /> <br /> Spencer talks with Annie and Alvin about their experience attending recovery conferences. Our discussion is guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> What prompted you to go to a conference the first time?<br /> <br /> What did you expect? The first time? The second time?<br /> <br /> Talk about your first convention experience.<br /> - What did you like?<br /> - What didn't you expect, but moved you?<br /> - What didn't you like?<br /> <br /> What did you come home with? How did your understanding and feeling about your experience change with time?<br /> <br /> You went to the AA international convention in Atlanta this year.<br /> What was that like?<br /> High points and low points?<br /> If you were to do it again, what would you do differently?<br /> <br /> How did attending these conventions benefit your recovery?<br /> <br /> What would you say to someone who has never been to a convention? The Recovery Show 1:13:48
Randy K Open Talk – Episode 124 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2015 12:07:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3249 This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his “addiction”, and related closely to it. Upcoming topics include Concepts 8 and 9, your shared experience with intervention, and the non-drinking parent. Please call us at … Continue reading "Randy K Open Talk – Episode 124"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/feed/ 2 This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his "addiction", and related closely to it. This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his "addiction", and related closely to it. The Recovery Show 48:53
Al-Anon Dreams – Episode 123 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/#respond Tue, 01 Sep 2015 04:58:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3240 Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Join us as Spencer, Jane, Akilah, Pat, and Brooke share some dreams. Dreams: what are they? From the shared experience in this episode, I think that our “Al-Anon” dreams might fall into these broad and overlapping categories: Reliving scenes … Continue reading "Al-Anon Dreams – Episode 123"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/feed/ 0 Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Join us as Spencer, Jane, Akilah, Pat, and Brooke share some dreams.<br /> <br /> Dreams: what are they? From the shared experience in this episode, I think that our “Al-Anon” dreams might fall into these broad and overlapping categories:<br /> <br /> Reliving scenes from the past that still have a hold on us.<br /> Working through fears of the future.<br /> Living a “wished for” experience.<br /> Making desires and fears concrete.<br /> As you listen to these dream experiences, how do you connect to what we share? Have you had dreams like these? How has your dreaming changed in recovery? The Recovery Show 37:15
Imperfection – Episode 122 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/#respond Tue, 25 Aug 2015 12:22:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3233 Do you feel that you have to be perfect? Do you go through life as if you're on a stage? Is it hard to have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection. This episode was inspired by the book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be … Continue reading "Imperfection – Episode 122"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/feed/ 0 Do you feel you have to be perfect? … go through life as if you're on a stage? Can you have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection. Do you feel that you have to be perfect? Do you go through life as if you're on a stage? Is it hard to have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection.<br /> <br /> This episode was inspired by the book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brené Brown. The gifts of imperfection, according to Brown, are courage, compassion, and connection. And with them, we can begin to live whole-heartedly.<br /> <br /> Think back to your first meeting. How did you find the courage to walk in? How do you now find the courage to openly speak of what is happening in your heart and soul? We practice courage every day, and with it we can begin to embrace our imperfection.<br /> <br /> I found compassion for myself as I worked the steps, and in particular as I worked the steps in the company of others. I was able to see my wholeness, to see that I was not uniquely flawed, and to start to accept myself as I was and to find compassion for myself as an imperfect person. And in finding compassion for myself, I could more easily "suffer with" (have compassion for) others. <br /> <br /> And the last is not least: connection was the first thing I found in Al-Anon. At the end of my first meeting, I was no longer alone in my struggle and fear and desperation. I found connection, soul-deep connection, with others who were walking my journey. This connection, more than anything, kept me coming back.<br /> <br /> What blocks us from living with a whole heart? Brown suggests 10 "guideposts", each described as a positive attribute, and also described in term of letting go. This resonates strongly with me, because the first slogan I adopted from Al-Anon was "Let Go". ("Let God" came later.) What are these guideposts?<br /> <br /> Authenticity (Letting go of what people think)<br /> <br /> Self-Compassion (Letting go of Perfectionism)<br /> <br /> Resilient Spirit (Letting go of numbing and powerlessness)<br /> <br /> Gratitude and Joy (Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark)<br /> <br /> Intuition and Faith (Letting go of the need for certainty)<br /> Creativity (Letting go of comparison)<br /> <br /> Play and Rest (Letting go of exhaustion=status and productivity=self-worth)<br /> <br /> Calm and Stillness (Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle)<br /> <br /> Meaningful work (Letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”)<br /> <br /> Laughter, Song and Dance (Letting go of being cool and in control) The Recovery Show 1:16:10
Laughter – Episode 121 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/#comments Tue, 11 Aug 2015 05:06:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3228 When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today? When (under what circumstances) did you laugh before program? When and how did you laugh as a child? How did that change as you grew older? How did that change … Continue reading "Laughter – Episode 121"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/feed/ 2 When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today? When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today?<br /> <br /> When (under what circumstances) did you laugh before program?<br /> When and how did you laugh as a child?<br /> How did that change as you grew older?<br /> How did that change as you were affected by alcoholism/addiction?<br /> Could you laugh at yourself then? … about your pain? … about your foibles and shortcomings?<br /> How did you feel when you first heard laughter in an Al-Anon meeting?<br /> How has recovery changed the way you laugh? Why you laugh?<br /> Can you laugh about your pain? … about your shortcomings?<br /> How do you see laughter as a healing force?<br /> What have you learned about laughter in recovery? The Recovery Show 1:23:37
Best of: Our first meetings http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/#respond Tue, 04 Aug 2015 02:58:14 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3215 What was your experience of your first Al-Anon meeting? Maybe you haven't been to one yet. Spencer, Kelli, Swetha and 7 other members talk about their first meeting or meetings. Hear how we came to believe that they could find help in Al-Anon. For some of us, the first meeting was transformational and enlightening. Others of … Continue reading "Best of: Our first meetings"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/feed/ 0 What was your experience of your first Al-Anon meeting? Maybe you haven't been to one yet. Spencer, Kelli, Swetha and 7 other members talk about their first meeting or meetings. Hear how we came to believe that they could find help in Al-Anon. Spencer was out of the country at a wedding, and came back to an overtime week at work, thus this “best of” episode. We will be back soon with new episodes on laughter, on the gifts of imperfection, and on attending recovery conventions.

Music from the episode
(originally published June 2013)
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The Recovery Show 1:27:40
Authority and Responsibility – Episode 120 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/#respond Wed, 22 Jul 2015 06:56:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3211 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7. Concept 6 says “The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees.” And, … Continue reading "Authority and Responsibility – Episode 120"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7. Concept 6 says “The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees.” And, Concept 7 states “The Trustees have legal rights while the rights of the Conference are traditional.”<br /> <br /> How can Concept 6 help me manage my time and accomplish the tasks I need to do?<br /> How can I effectively “share the load” with others? What does Concept 6 teach me about that?<br /> How do I do my work and allow others to do theirs without interfering or taking it on?<br /> Talk about a time when I was overwhelmed by trying to do everything myself?<br /> How can clear communication encourage others to help me accomplish a task?<br /> How does Concept 6 encourage me to seek the help of those who are qualified for a job?<br /> How can Concept 6 motivate me to ask for help when I am frustrated and overwhelmed?<br /> How do I determine the difference between legal and traditional rights in my personal life?<br /> How can clearly defining my responsibilities keep me from trying to “fix” the lives of others?<br /> How can Concept 7 help me clarify my role in difficult situations? (Examples?)<br /> How does understanding the rights and responsibilities of each person in a situation help me?<br /> How can I apply concept 7 as a parent when making or enforcing rules?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:25:04
Worry – Episode 119 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/#respond Tue, 14 Jul 2015 20:28:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3200 Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on the stuff that is wrong in your life today? Think about a time before program when you were worrying. What were you worrying about? How did worrying affect your life … Continue reading "Worry – Episode 119"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/feed/ 0 Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on stuff that is wrong in your life? Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on the stuff that is wrong in your life today?<br /> <br /> Think about a time before program when you were worrying.<br /> What were you worrying about?<br /> How did worrying affect your life at the time? (Inability to get things done, acid stomach, lack of sleep, etc?)<br /> Did you get any resolution of your problem from your worrying?<br /> Think about a recent time when you could have worried?<br /> Did you worry?<br /> How was it different from the time before?<br /> How did you use program tools in this situation?<br /> Were you able to move out of worrying into some productive resolution?<br /> What is worry?<br /> How does it differ from preparation?<br /> Slogan: “Worry is not preparation”.<br /> But also: “Preparation is not worry.”<br /> Does “Let Go and Let God” mean we shouldn’t do anything?<br /> What slogans and steps help you when you find yourself worrying?<br /> What would you say to someone who can’t stop worrying about their loved one who still drinks or drugs?<br /> Upcoming topics include laughter, Al-Anon dreams, and Concepts 6 & 7. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show 1:22:26
Life on Life’s Terms – Episode 118 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/#respond Tue, 07 Jul 2015 01:47:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3196 Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms? Due to some technical difficulties, the episode we had planned for this week did not come together. Instead, I'm talking about taking life on life's terms. Or maybe it's about acceptance. Or about Higher Power moments. Upcoming … Continue reading "Life on Life’s Terms – Episode 118"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/feed/ 0 Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms? Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms?<br /> <br /> Due to some technical difficulties, the episode we had planned for this week did not come together. Instead, I'm talking about taking life on life's terms. Or maybe it's about acceptance. Or about Higher Power moments.<br /> <br /> Upcoming topics include Concepts 6 (The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees) and 7 (The Trustees have legal rights while the rights of the Conference are traditional). How might we interpret these in our personal lives? Cara suggested the topic of "Al-Anon dreams". Share your dreams of relapse or recovery with us, and we'll make it a poly-voice episode. Eric thought that "laughter in recovery" would be a great topic. So do I! What do you think? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. The Recovery Show 35:44
Fathers – Episode 117 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/#comments Wed, 24 Jun 2015 18:21:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3184 Fathers Day is a holiday that recognizes fathers and honors fatherhood. What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father yourself? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? Or to improve connections with our fathers? In this episode, Spencer reflects on how his father affected his life, and on … Continue reading "Fathers – Episode 117"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/feed/ 5 What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? To improve connections with our fathers? Fathers Day is a holiday that recognizes fathers and honors fatherhood. What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father yourself? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? Or to improve connections with our fathers?<br /> <br /> In this episode, Spencer reflects on how his father affected his life, and on how he has been a father to his own children, while walking through the woods and fields behind his church.<br /> The Recovery Show 48:10
Gather your chairs in a circle – Episode 116 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/#comments Tue, 16 Jun 2015 15:39:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3176 A couple of weeks ago, at church, we honored our graduating high school seniors. The sermon that day was in the form of advice to those setting out into adult life. What caught my ear was the second point, to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate … Continue reading "Gather your chairs in a circle – Episode 116"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/feed/ 2 A recent sermon advised us to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate to recovery? A couple of weeks ago, at church, we honored our graduating high school seniors. The sermon that day was in the form of advice to those setting out into adult life. What caught my ear was the second point, to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate to recovery?<br /> <br /> We are in community when we “gather our chairs into a circle.”<br /> We sometimes “turn our chairs away” and isolate ourselves, especially when life is hard.<br /> I did this.<br /> At most of my meetings we sit in circles or around a table, facing each other.<br /> In our circle we are not alone.<br /> In our circles we discover shared experience and share strength and hope.<br /> So come into the circle, or find some others and gather your chairs into a new circle.<br /> I also talked a bit about stress and how it has affected me recently. I have been putting my very busy work ahead of "the rest" of my life. When I come home, I just want to "veg". I feel overwhelmed by all the things I have to do, and so I shut down and don't start any of them, because it's "hopeless" to think I could ever do them all. Which, of course, leads to guilt over not having done them. How am I working my way out? First and foremost, recognizing the problem. Admitting it, asking for help. "Doing the next right thing." Shedding some responsibilities, and deciding what is most important, and putting that first. The Recovery Show 1:18:38
Public outreach – Episode 115 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/#comments Thu, 28 May 2015 14:25:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3170 Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can we reach out to sufferers who don’t even know about Al-Anon? Spencer and Eric talk about our experiences with public outreach, roughly following this outline. How did you first get involved in public outreach? What have you … Continue reading "Public outreach – Episode 115"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/feed/ 2 Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can public outreach help sufferers who don’t know about Al-Anon? Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can we reach out to sufferers who don’t even know about Al-Anon?
Spencer and Eric talk about our experiences with public outreach, roughly following this outline.

* How did you first get involved in public outreach?
* What have you or members of your group done as part of your public outreach?
* What resources are available to help you in doing outreach?
* Why do you believe that public outreach is important?
* How have you preserved your anonymity “at the level of press, radio, TV, and films”?
* How have you cooperated with other recovery groups and programs in your area to carry the message?
* Have you been involved in other forms of service? In your district? In your group(s)? Personally?
* How does service help to carry the message?
* How have all these forms of service supported and enhanced your recovery?

We mentioned many resources for outreach. Here are some of them:

* Statement about public outreach from Al-Anon/Alateen of South Ontario.
* Public outreach materials from the Al-Anon bookstore.
* Public outreach from Al-Anon of Wisconsin.
* Media files for outreach from Al-Anon.
* Al-Anon flyer about outreach.

Upcoming topics include worry, obsessive thinking, and caretaking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Jazon Mraz: 3 Things

Brandon Heath: Give Me Your Eyes

John Mayer: Shadow Days

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Participation, harmony, and being heard – Episode 114 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/#respond Sat, 23 May 2015 02:17:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3165 In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? Concept 4 says “Participation is the key to harmony.” and concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.” How do … Continue reading "Participation, harmony, and being heard – Episode 114"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/feed/ 0 In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? Concept 4 says “Participation is the key to harmony.” and concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.”<br /> <br /> How do you understand Concept 4, “Participation is the key to harmony”?<br /> What can I do to participate more fully?<br /> When I participate in a group, do I feel more a part of it?<br /> When I feel part of a group, is it easier for me to be in harmony with its workings?<br /> Do I participate actively in my Al-Anon group? In other groups in my life?<br /> How do my relationships benefit when I participate fully in all areas of my life?<br /> How do I let others participate?<br /> What if I disagree with a decision of the majority? Can I still be heard?<br /> In Al-Anon?<br /> In my workplace?<br /> In my family?<br /> With my friends?<br /> How willing am I to listen to Al-Anon? my family? at work?<br /> How do the “rights of appeal and petition” help me find my voice when I am in the minority?<br /> Why is it important that minority opinions be expressed and heard?<br /> How has learning that I have a right to speak up changed the way I feel about myself?<br /> When is it just as important to keep my opinion to myself as it is to share it?<br /> How can concept 5 help me change how I feel about people who disagree with me?<br /> What can I do when I react negatively to someone’s opinion?<br /> How can I use steps 1-3 and “Let Go and Let God” in conjunction with these two concepts? The Recovery Show 1:23:28
Fun – Episode 113 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/#respond Sat, 16 May 2015 17:46:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3158 How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery? Join Spencer and Brooke as we talk about fun, and hear the contributions a couple of listeners sent in via email. What does “fun” mean to you? How did you think about having fun before recovery? Could you … Continue reading "Fun – Episode 113"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/feed/ 0 How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery? How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery?<br /> <br /> Join Spencer and Brooke as we talk about fun, and hear the contributions a couple of listeners sent in via email.<br /> <br /> What does “fun” mean to you?<br /> How did you think about having fun before recovery?<br /> Could you have fun by yourself or did it have to involve others?<br /> What have you learned about having fun in your recovery?<br /> What do you to for fun?<br /> Are you able to have fun even when life is not perfect? The Recovery Show 1:09:10
Do you drink? – Episode 112 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/#respond Thu, 23 Apr 2015 04:20:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3147 Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why? Spencer talks about his personal experience with drinking, about how he drank with his loved one, and about how that changed with recovery and how his feelings … Continue reading "Do you drink? – Episode 112"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/feed/ 0 Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why? Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why?<br /> <br /> Spencer talks about his personal experience with drinking, about how he drank with his loved one, and about how that changed with recovery and how his feelings about drinking have become complicated. The Recovery Show 43:43
Prayer – Episode 111 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/#comments Tue, 07 Apr 2015 03:52:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3143 Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery? In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. I did not grow up with a tradition of prayer. My idea of prayer as a young person: “God, please give me a pony.” It didn’t work! I did not … Continue reading "Prayer – Episode 111"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/feed/ 1 Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery? In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery?<br /> <br /> In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. The Recovery Show 54:43
Right of Decision – Episode 110 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/#respond Wed, 01 Apr 2015 05:27:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3140 Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? Spencer and Akilah discuss the “right of decision”, as expressed in Al-Anon's 3rd concept of service, “The right of decision makes effective leadership possible.” What is “the right of decision?” How do we use the right of decision in the … Continue reading "Right of Decision – Episode 110"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? We discuss the "right of decision" as seen in concept 3. Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? Spencer and Akilah discuss the "right of decision", as expressed in Al-Anon's 3rd concept of service, "The right of decision makes effective leadership possible."<br /> <br /> What is “the right of decision?”<br /> How do we use the right of decision in the program?<br /> Example from Spencer’s home group: the “chair” chooses the person who gives the lead each week.<br /> GR, delegates to assembly, etc.<br /> How do we use the right of decision in our own lives?<br /> From Paths to Recovery (pg. 265): “In our own lives, the right of decision means we have the right to proceed in the best way we know and to ask for help when it is needed.”<br /> How does this concept connect with Tradition 2? (For our group purpose there is but one authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants—they do not govern.) With Step 3? (Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.)<br /> Can I make a decision and be comfortable with it? If not, why not?<br /> Do I ever ask someone to do a task and then try to direct the details of how it should be done? If so, how can I change this pattern?<br /> The 3rd concept section of the AA 12, 12 and 12 study guide starts with the statement “We serve by acting on our conscience through our “Right of Decision” and we trust others when they exercise their ‘Right of Decision.”<br /> Am I acting in any area of my life that is contrary to my own conscience?<br /> Am I mistrustful of the decisions of others in authority over me?<br /> Am I demanding that anyone else act contrary to their conscience in order to please me?<br /> From Paths to Recovery: Is [concept three] not letting go and letting God? The Recovery Show 1:26:02
Dry Drunk – Episode 109 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/#respond Wed, 18 Mar 2015 21:25:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3136 What is “dry drunk”? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms? A few weeks ago, Jennifer suggested the topic of “dry drunk.” Then Ruth mentioned how she feels when she misses a few meetings. And then, I heard a talk about “dry drunk” on the Recovery Radio Network podcast. We start with a talk from Dick S … Continue reading "Dry Drunk – Episode 109"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/feed/ 0 What is "dry drunk"? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms? What is "dry drunk"? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms?<br /> <br /> A few weeks ago, Jennifer suggested the topic of “dry drunk.” Then Ruth mentioned how she feels when she misses a few meetings. And then, I heard a talk about “dry drunk” on the Recovery Radio Network podcast.<br /> <br /> We start with a talk from Dick S titled “Recovery is Forever: Dry Drunk Revisited”.<br /> <br /> My experience with "dry Al-Anon":<br /> <br /> My realization from the Step 3 reading in “Paths to Recovery”.<br /> “As we grow in the program, we find ourselves returning again and again to these basic principles when faced with new challenges.”<br /> The moment of truth: A co-worker's talk with me on Friday about my behavior earlier in the week.<br /> Looking back:<br /> Feeling complacent.<br /> Missing meetings.<br /> “White knuckle”<br /> My solution?<br /> Re-establish routine of prayer and meditation.<br /> Recognize the importance of meetings<br /> Say “yes” to the program!<br /> The Recovery Show 58:37
Criticism and Self-Compassion – Episode 108 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/#respond Sun, 08 Mar 2015 21:40:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3131 Do you have a voice inside you that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself when your internal critic is harsher than what others say about you? Spencer and Brooke talk about criticism and self-compassion. Some of the questions we considered were these. How might you answer these questions? Do I have … Continue reading "Criticism and Self-Compassion – Episode 108"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/feed/ 0 Do you have a voice inside that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself in that case? We explore criticism and self-compassion. Do you have a voice inside you that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself when your internal critic is harsher than what others say about you? Spencer and Brooke talk about criticism and self-compassion.<br /> <br /> Some of the questions we considered were these. How might you answer these questions?<br /> <br /> Do I have an internal critic? (Don’t we all?)<br /> How loud is it?<br /> How harsh is it?<br /> How do I react to criticism from others?<br /> How does my internal critic react to criticism from others?<br /> How does my internal critic react to praise from others?<br /> Do I find it easier to have compassion for others than for myself?<br /> How do I struggle to find compassion for myself?<br /> How do I struggle to see myself as worthy?<br /> How can seeing myself as worthy, and having compassion for my failings, help me to deal with criticism from others?<br /> What program tools can I use to make it easier to find self-compassion and self-worth?<br /> Steps 2 & 3 remind me that I have a higher power that loves me.<br /> Steps 4 and 5 encourage me to look at myself honestly and fearlessly. By sharing my faults with my Higher Power and another person, I find that I am not defined by my “defects”<br /> Steps 6, 7, 8, and 9 show me that there is a way to change and to let go of my self-criticism for past actions.<br /> Step 10 helps me to not have new things to kick myself about.<br /> Step 11 encourages me to connect more closely to my Higher Power. Meditation can help me to live in the moment instead of the past.<br /> What slogans help me?<br /> How does listening (and sharing) in meetings, or with a sponsor or program friend help?<br /> What might I say to a newcomer who is strugging with self-criticism? The Recovery Show 1:04:43
Chaos – Encore – Episode 107 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/#respond Wed, 25 Feb 2015 20:57:15 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3125 Due to first my co-host and then me being under the weather, we present this encore of the Chaos episode. Enjoy! Our topic for next week is criticism and self-compassion. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/feed/ 0 Due to first my co-host and then me being under the weather, we present this encore of the Chaos episode. Enjoy! Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli and our guest Wendy share our experience, strength and hope as prompted by these questions.<br /> <br /> What do we mean by “chaos”?<br /> How has your life been chaotic? Before coming to the program? After coming to the program?<br /> What is your reaction or response to chaos? Before the program? Now?<br /> Why do we, as co-dependents, sometimes create chaos?<br /> Why do the alcoholics and addicts create chaos?<br /> What feelings does chaos elicit in you? How did it feel in the past?<br /> How can we find serenity in the midst of chaos?<br /> Which steps particularly apply / are helpful?<br /> Which Al-Anon slogans and other tools can help?<br /> Thoughts about living with chaos in the upcoming holidays? The Recovery Show 1:48:42
In the Moment – Episode 106 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/#comments Tue, 17 Feb 2015 03:16:41 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3118 What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow when I’m living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from past experiences if I don’t look back? How did/do I live not in the moment? Anger and resentment – Living in the past. Chewing over past actions … Continue reading "In the Moment – Episode 106"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/feed/ 1 What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from the past without looking back? What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow when I’m living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from past experiences if I don’t look back?<br /> <br /> How did/do I live not in the moment?<br /> Anger and resentment – Living in the past.<br /> Chewing over past actions – blaming (myself or others)<br /> Fear and worry – Living in the future.<br /> “Awfulizing”<br /> What are aspects of living in the moment?<br /> Take care of the things I can do now, let go of the things I cannot do.<br /> Do the “next right thing”.<br /> Be fully present in what is happening.<br /> Listen<br /> Notice the beauty around me<br /> Enjoy what is good now (instead of ruminating on what was bad or worrying about what might be bad)<br /> How can I practice living in the moment?<br /> Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.<br /> Focus on what is happening now.<br /> Focus on the people I am with.<br /> Listen – don’t be thinking about my agenda<br /> Mindfulness meditation (or other meditative practice)<br /> Body language – when my body is in an accepting, listening position, so is my mind.<br /> Positive expectations – How they can shape interactions and actions. (“Batman” episode of This American Life and Invisibilia)<br /> What about planning for the future and learning from the past?<br /> There’s a difference between worrying about what might happen, and planning for what we would like to do.<br /> We can and should look at our past in our inventory. We only need to let go of the desire to change it. The Recovery Show 1:19:37
Letting go of the process – Episode 105 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/#respond Tue, 10 Feb 2015 05:01:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3108 Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process. Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when you suggested this topic? How do/did you try to … Continue reading "Letting go of the process – Episode 105"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/feed/ 0 Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process. Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when ... Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process.<br /> <br /> Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when you suggested this topic?<br /> How do/did you try to control your recovery?<br /> obsessively doing the things we *can* do<br /> overdoing self-care<br /> What parts of it do/did you particularly not want to let go of?<br /> “character defects” -- I want them removed in my order<br /> outcomes<br /> comfort in maintaining the illusion of control over my own life<br /> Why?<br /> How does letting go help your recovery? Your peace of mind?<br /> focusing on control of outcomes is a “fool’s errand” and makes my life unmanageable<br /> It frees me to focus on the things I can control<br /> Frees me to do self-care<br /> What blocks you from letting go?<br /> impatience<br /> perfectionism<br /> Not wanting to feel unpleasant feelings<br /> judgement and shame<br /> fear<br /> expectations<br /> What ways have you found to let go?<br /> Prerequisite - Accept who and where I am right now.<br /> Being open to the universe -- humility<br /> Work with a sponsor<br /> Prayer<br /> Meditation<br /> what else?<br /> What do you still struggle with letting go of?<br /> What would you say to a newcomer who isn’t sure the program will work for them? The Recovery Show 1:26:42
Relapse – a “best of” episode http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/#respond Wed, 04 Feb 2015 02:46:22 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3089 While Spencer is away, enjoy this “best of” episode from a year ago. Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. We structured our discussion around these points and questions: The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal. Relapse does … Continue reading "Relapse – a “best of” episode"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/feed/ 0 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. Enjoy this "best of" episode from a year ago.<br /> <br /> Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse.<br /> <br /> We structured our discussion around these points and questions:<br /> <br /> The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal.<br /> Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently part of the process.<br /> As friends and family members, many of us have experienced the relapse of a loved one from a period of sobriety, sometimes short, sometimes long and full of recovery.<br /> How did and how do we respond and react when a loved one relapses?<br /> What is our understanding of relapse? It is often a process in which picking up the drink or drug is the last stage.<br /> How can we support ourselves and our loved ones in relapse?<br /> And, sometimes, we relapse back to our old behavior. What is an “Al-Anon relapse”?<br /> Have you had one? What was it like, and how did you get out of it? The Recovery Show 1:25:36
Judgement – Episode 104 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/#comments Tue, 27 Jan 2015 05:41:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3084 How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, Spencer and Anthony talk about judgement. We used this outline for our conversation: What does “judgement” mean to you? … Continue reading "Judgement – Episode 104"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/feed/ 1 How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, Spencer and Anthony talk about judgement.<br /> <br /> We used this outline for our conversation:<br /> <br /> What does “judgement” mean to you?<br /> How does it differ from being “judgemental”?<br /> A reading in Courage to Change speaks of a “judgement ladder”, where everyone is either above or below someone else. Have you felt like you are on this ladder?<br /> How do you judge others?<br /> How do you feel judged?<br /> How do you judge yourself? Are you harsher on yourself than others?<br /> How can judgement be a positive attribute?<br /> How has the program helped you to be less judgemental of others and yourself? To practice “good judgement”?<br /> Are there slogans that help?<br /> Any particular steps? The Recovery Show 1:36:49
Boundaries – Episode 103 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/#comments Wed, 21 Jan 2015 03:37:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3080 Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions: Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting … Continue reading "Boundaries – Episode 103"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/feed/ 2 Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from loved ones? We discuss boundaries. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries.<br /> <br /> Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions:<br /> <br /> Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?<br /> How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?<br /> What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?<br /> What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated?<br /> So we thought, “maybe it’s time to talk about boundaries again.” We actually had a couple of earlier shows around this topic. Our very first episode was a 20 minute discussion of boundaries, and then in episode 44, we talked about setting boundaries without controlling.<br /> <br /> Some discussion/thought questions about boundaries:<br /> <br /> What is a boundary?<br /> How does it differ from an ultimatum?<br /> How can I set a boundary that involves someone else’s behavior?<br /> What can I do when my boundaries are not respected?<br /> How do I feel when my boundaries are not respected by someone I love?<br /> How can loving detachment help me to maintain my boundaries?<br /> What if I don’t want to follow through with the consequences of my boundary having been violated?<br /> What happens (to me) if my boundaries turn out to be expectations?<br /> How does a boundary with my own behavior differ from a boundary with someone else’s behavior?<br /> How can I set up and follow through with consequences on a boundary with myself? The Recovery Show 1:37:03
Responsibility and Authority – Episode 102 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/#comments Tue, 13 Jan 2015 04:49:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3076 Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God? Spencer and Akilah talk about responsibility and authority, as set forth in Concepts one and two. The Ultimate Responsibility and Authority for Al-Anon World Services Belongs to the Al-Anon … Continue reading "Responsibility and Authority – Episode 102"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/feed/ 1 Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God? Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Akilah talk about responsibility and authority, as set forth in Concepts one and two.<br /> <br /> The Ultimate Responsibility and Authority for Al-Anon World Services Belongs to the Al-Anon Groups.<br /> The Al-Anon Family Groups Have Delegated Complete Administrative and Operational Authority to their Conference and its Service Arms.<br /> The readings in the books Paths to Recovery and Reaching for Personal Freedom include some writings on personal application as well as explanations of how it works on the service level.<br /> <br /> What do “authority” and “responsibility” mean (to me)? What is the difference?<br /> Authority: “the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience.”<br /> Responsibility: “the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something” or “taking ownership of my thoughts, words, and actions.”<br /> For concept one<br /> <br /> For what part of my life am I ultimately responsible? What responsibilities might I share or delegate?<br /> How do I contribute to the group conscience?<br /> How does this concept help me to keep the focus on myself?<br /> How can I learn to trust the decisions of others?<br /> When have I assumed responsibilities that are not mine?<br /> When have let others take on responsibilities that should have been mine?<br /> Can this concept help to me to “Let go and let God”, knowing that I am not the ultimate authority?<br /> For concept two, the questions are:<br /> <br /> Why is it important to delegate both responsibility and authority in general? In Al-Anon?<br /> Am I able to share responsibility? What responsibility? Am I willing to offer my assistance to others?<br /> When do I rely on others? Can I ask for help?<br /> What responsibilities in my life could I delegate to someone else?<br /> Whom can I trust to be reliable?<br /> How does delegating responsibility help to trust the abilities of others?<br /> How willing am I to work with others and to consider their ideas? How often do I trust the knowledge an experience of another person? Do I support and encourage others?<br /> When delegating how do I define boundaries to separate my responsibility from someone else’s<br /> How does my attempt to take charge of everything without delegating keep me from completing the work that needs to be done?<br /> For what am I responsible?<br /> A listener emailed some questions. Listen to the show to hear the whole email. We put the questions to you, in hopes that you will share your experience, strength, and hope with our listener.<br /> <br /> Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?<br /> How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?<br /> What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?<br /> What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated? The Recovery Show 1:18:46
Looking Back, Looking Ahead – Episode 101 http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/#respond Tue, 06 Jan 2015 23:21:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3070 Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead? This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Spencer talks about his process of “looking back, … Continue reading "Looking Back, Looking Ahead – Episode 101"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/feed/ 0 Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead? This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead?<br /> <br /> This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Spencer talks about his process of "looking back, looking ahead" at this beginning of the new year and end of the old.<br /> <br /> How do I do this?<br /> I can ask myself, how are my actions in alignment with my values?<br /> There is discomfort in the gap that spurs me to want to change<br /> The program gives me tools for this: Steps 4–7.<br /> What are my values? When I state my values as aspirations of the way I want to act, I can more clearly see the alignment (or not) of my actions with them.<br /> Integrity: I act in all things according to my true self. I state my beliefs honestly and openly.<br /> Commitment: I do not make commitments I cannot keep, and I keep the commitments I make.<br /> Acceptance: When I disagree with someone, I may argue my position, but I will not diminish their personhood.<br /> Love: I express my love openly and appropriately.<br /> How have my actions this year aligned, or not, with my values?<br /> Acceptance is hard. I react emotionally to some people, and let those reactions color my interactions. On the plus side: I am more aware of this when it happens, and more likely to modify my response.<br /> I can “go along” with something I don’t agree with, because it is too uncomfortable to disagree. This happens less often than it used to.<br /> I can express my desires and needs when they are important to me.<br /> I sometimes overcommit and under-deliver.<br /> I find it difficult at times to express my true feelings to my wife.<br /> I have openly stated and explained my spiritual beliefs and practices, even when I don’t know they will be accepted by those to whom I am speaking.<br /> What can I let go of, that is no longer of use to me?<br /> What holds me back?<br /> Stuff! Clothes I haven’t worn in a decade.<br /> What do I want to bring into my life (more) in the coming year?<br /> Self-care: physical and spiritual (I do OK on the mental front)<br /> Family: I will spend more “quality” time with my family<br /> Money: I will work to be more attentive to our financial status. The Recovery Show 55:24
Guest Host Experiences – Episode 100 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/#respond Tue, 30 Dec 2014 03:58:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3056 What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast. I asked my guests today to reflect on these questions as we reach our 100th episode. Why did you decide to participate as a guest on … Continue reading "Guest Host Experiences – Episode 100"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/feed/ 0 What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as we hear Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast. What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as we hear Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast.<br /> <br /> I asked my guests today to reflect on these questions as we reach our 100th episode.<br /> <br /> Why did you decide to participate as a guest on The Recovery Show?<br /> How did you feel beforehand? How did you feel afterward? How do you feel now about your participation?<br /> Did you listen to "your" episode? If you did, what was that experience like? If not, why not?<br /> How has participating in the show strengthened (or not) your Al-Anon program?<br /> What would you like to say to our listeners about your experience?<br /> Mark, who hosts the Recovered podcast, remembers being a guest on the show, and the ease of not having to "run" the show.<br /> <br /> Ruth reflects on co-hosting the 12 Tradition episodes, why she committed to them, and what it has meant to her.<br /> <br /> Mara talks about the importance of service in her recovery, particularly when she is not at home. She also sings Happy Birthday to us (in tune!)<br /> <br /> Harriet was terrified at the idea, but still committed to co-host an episode about isolation, which she had identified as a problem in her life. Hear how she feels now about her participation.<br /> <br /> Akilah admittedly likes to talk. She enjoyed co-hosting an episode and encourages you to do the same. The Recovery Show 1:03:17
2 Years – Episode 99 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/#respond Tue, 16 Dec 2014 07:10:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3047 If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on?  It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week! Spencer thinks back over the last 2 years, about the … Continue reading "2 Years – Episode 99"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/feed/ 0 If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on? It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week! If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on? It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week!<br /> <br /> Spencer thinks back over the last 2 years, about the journey, about what this podcast has meant for him, and maybe for you. Here's a rough outline.<br /> <br /> How and why did we come to start the podcast?<br /> Early experiences podcasting.<br /> Guest hosts.<br /> Including your voices.<br /> Losing my co-hosts.<br /> Focusing on the podcast<br /> Providing value.<br /> Your feedback and support.<br /> Challenges.<br /> “electronic” co-hosts.<br /> Value to my program.<br /> Next week will be episode 100. We've invited some past co-hosts to reflect on their experience participating in The Recovery Show. The Recovery Show 1:00:00
Tradition 12 – Anonymity – Episode 98 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/#respond Tue, 09 Dec 2014 05:08:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3041 Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols” in the program? We’ll address these questions and more as we talk about Tradition 12, Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. Ruth and … Continue reading "Tradition 12 – Anonymity – Episode 98"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/feed/ 0 Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols”? We talk about Tradition 12 on anonymity. Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols” in the program? We’ll address these questions and more as we talk about Tradition 12, Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer had these questions around which we structured our conversation.<br /> <br /> Ruth started by asking, "Spencer you said this is your favorite tradition. Would like to tell us why?"<br /> <br /> How do you understand the principle of anonymity?<br /> How do you practice this principle?<br /> Inside the “rooms” of Al-Anon?<br /> In the wider world?<br /> How can I protect anonymity when I meet someone outside the meeting?<br /> How can I protect anonymity when I meet someone in the meeting who I already know outside the meeting?<br /> How do we practice anonymity in the podcast?<br /> How does anonymity change the way I feel about myself?<br /> How can I practice anonymity without being “invisible”?<br /> How can I share my experience, strength, and hope without telling others what to do?<br /> Do I put people on a pedestal? Why? What happens?<br /> How does focusing on personalities hinder my growth?<br /> How is it different when instead, I listen to everybody, even the people I don't "like"? The Recovery Show 1:25:57
Gratitude 2014 – Episode 97 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/#respond Tue, 02 Dec 2014 05:33:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3038 Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an “attitude of gratitude”? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Join Spencer and Wendy as we talk about our experience with gratitude. We used these questions to guide our discussion. What does “gratitude” mean to you? Do you see gratitude differently now than before … Continue reading "Gratitude 2014 – Episode 97"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/feed/ 0 Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an "attitude of gratitude"? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an "attitude of gratitude"? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Join Spencer and Wendy as we talk about our experience with gratitude.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion.<br /> <br /> What does “gratitude” mean to you?<br /> Do you see gratitude differently now than before you came to Al-Anon?<br /> Do you practice an “attitude of gratitude”?<br /> How has this changed your life?<br /> Have you found gratitude for painful occurrences in your life? How or why?<br /> What are you grateful for today?<br /> We also found a couple of interesting articles about gratitude. Powerful Lessons in Gratitude starts "As I write this, I am coming to terms with the death of a good friend of mine who was killed in a tragic accident over the weekend. … However, I realize that even in death we have the opportunity to celebrate the beauty of life." Both of us have found gratitude in the middle of pain and loss, and that gratitude has helped us to live our lives with greater serenity and even joy.<br /> <br /> Another interesting article is 8 reasons to love gratitude, which has this list of benefits. The benefits are backed up by scientific study, believe it or not.<br /> <br /> It can make you happier.<br /> It can reduce blood pressure.<br /> It makes hearts healthier.<br /> It's associated with better sleep.<br /> It helps people exercise more.<br /> It helps make vets more resilient.<br /> It can help your relationship.<br /> Even a little bit helps.<br /> Spencer was happy to hear that he doesn't have to practice gratitude every day in order to gain its benefits! The Recovery Show 1:00:21
Isolation – Episode 96 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/#comments Tue, 25 Nov 2014 07:09:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3028 Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? Today we will talk about what isolation has meant to us. Spencer and guest host Harriet discuss this topic, suggested by Harriet, following this outline and questions. What is isolation? Closing … Continue reading "Isolation – Episode 96"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/feed/ 1 Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? We talk about isolation. Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? Today we will talk about what isolation has meant to us.<br /> <br /> Spencer and guest host Harriet discuss this topic, suggested by Harriet, following this outline and questions.<br /> <br /> What is isolation?<br /> Closing myself off from the outside world<br /> Looking outward to fix an inward problem<br /> Rejecting reality<br /> What did isolation look like a year ago, now, etc.<br /> Can take many forms, and could look like:<br /> Pretending (hiding)<br /> Self criticism (finding evidence that fits my conjecture that I'm broken and alone)<br /> feeding an obsession<br /> Compulsive show watching (often a familiar show I've already watched, maybe b/c I need to have some certainty)<br /> Compulsive podcast listening (not to broaden my perspective but to drown out my thoughts or emotions)<br /> Avoiding connection with friends or Al-anon members (Anything that takes me further into my closed system)<br /> Food<br /> Being compulsively busy<br /> Why do I isolate?<br /> Shame (I hide my worst parts)<br /> Disconnect between mind body and spirit. I look outside myself to find the answer<br /> I'm having a feeling I'd rather not be having and am afraid to look at myself<br /> I believe my own conjecture<br /> What helps?<br /> Accepting where I am and my current reality<br /> Trying one thing different to break my cycle<br /> I need to make peace within myself before I can genuinely connect with others. I think I need to share w others, but until I've reconciled within myself, I can be isolating right in the middle of a conversation<br /> Writing— before I'm too far gone<br /> Step 5 — a member or friend who I can share with (to acknowledge where I am)<br /> A meeting<br /> Meditation - breathing exercise<br /> connection with a pet<br /> Prayer<br /> Brene Brown's TED talks<br /> This podcast- suffering is optional, 3 A's, self-care<br /> Inventory—why am I isolating?<br /> Service<br /> Self-care and self compassion The Recovery Show 1:25:01
Tradition 11 – Episode 95 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/#respond Tue, 18 Nov 2014 04:08:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3010 Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something which you know would be good for you but you just don't want to, and now giving in would just feel odd? Do you wonder why some annoying people always have to emphasize where and how they … Continue reading "Tradition 11 – Episode 95"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/feed/ 0 Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something you know should do? How is that about Tradition 11? Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something which you know would be good for you but you just don't want to, and now giving in would just feel odd? Do you wonder why some annoying people always have to emphasize where and how they get their stuff? But are you curious why that person, despite all the obvious problems in their life, has a smile on their face? And how do we practice anonymity in our podcast?<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talk about Tradition 11, “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.” We used these questions to guide our discussion.<br /> <br /> - There is a lot in this this tradition and I would like to start with the last sentence: the anonymity of the alcoholic. Why it is important, for them for us. How was it when we were new, or even before before we learned about the concept if the desease.<br /> <br /> If we break our anonymity we may break the one of our relatives too.<br /> How can we share our story without breaking the anonymity?<br /> Various aspects of anonymity: our background, education, finance, status ... not just names.<br /> As important as it is to experience people who have what you want to have, it is important not to connect people with program (principles over personalities).<br /> What can we do, what do you do to let people know about AlAnon?<br /> I asked on twitter: how would you translate the 11th tradition into your personal life and I get a very good response from "the bubble hour": "attraction not promotion means we can stand on our integrity in all things, without controlling outcomes or people."<br /> <br /> How do we practice Tradition 11 in this podcast?<br /> We share only our own experience, strength, and hope.<br /> We do not use our full names, and some of us use pseudonyms.<br /> We don’t try to “sell” Al-Anon.<br /> We often use phrases such as “loved one” when we mention the alcoholic(s) and/or addict(s) in our life.<br /> A Slogan for Tradition 11: “Take what you like and leave the rest”<br /> <br /> How do we practice this tradition in our life?<br /> <br /> Being an example.<br /> Act as we expect to be treated (“Golden rule”) The Recovery Show 1:17:16
Spiritual Practice – Episode 94 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/#respond Thu, 13 Nov 2014 06:11:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3002 How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?”   Spencer shares his thoughts about spiritual practices, and invites you to share your own spiritual practices by voice mail or email. What is a spiritual practice? What is the purpose/goal of spiritual practices? Connection with … Continue reading "Spiritual Practice – Episode 94"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/feed/ 0 How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?” How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?”<br /> <br /> Spencer shares his thoughts about spiritual practices, and invites you to share your own spiritual practices by voice mail or email.<br /> <br /> What is a spiritual practice?<br /> What is the purpose/goal of spiritual practices?<br /> Connection with the divine, something greater than myself.<br /> Centering.<br /> Feeds my spirit/soul.<br /> What practices are suggested in the 12 steps?<br /> What is prayer?<br /> What is meditation?<br /> What are some (other) examples of spiritual practices?<br /> Sitting/walking in nature.<br /> Attitude of gratitude<br /> Deep breath<br /> Dance<br /> Song<br /> Journaling The Recovery Show 1:07:49
Not God – Episode 93 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/#respond Mon, 03 Nov 2014 19:17:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2989 Do you sometimes feel responsible for the whole world? Would other people be happy if they would do things your way? An critical part of our recovery is that we recognize that we are not God. Spencer talks about ways in which he has tried to “play God” in the past, about how those increased the … Continue reading "Not God – Episode 93"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/feed/ 0 Do you feel responsible for the whole world? Would others be happier if they would do things your way? In our recovery, we recognize that we are not God. Do you sometimes feel responsible for the whole world? Would other people be happy if they would do things your way? An critical part of our recovery is that we recognize that we are not God.
Spencer talks about ways in which he has tried to “play God” in the past, about how those increased the unmanageability of his life, and about how the realization that he is not God has simplified his life and provided serenity. He worked from the outline below, illustrating the points with stories from his life.

* What do I mean when I say I am not God?
* I can’t control or change other people
* Things outside my “hula hoop” are not my responsibility
* I don’t know what is best for others
* I don’t always know what is best for me
* Why would I think I am?
* How did my actions suggest I thought so?
* When do i struggle with wanting to play God?
* How is it a relief when I remember that I am nobody's higher power?

Upcoming topics include Tradition 11 and “Is it caretaking or healthy support?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Neil Young – Change Your Mind


 
Adele – Make You Feel My Love


 
Terence Trent D'Arby – Holding on to You

 
The music I played in the pauses is Early Bird by Hania Yiska. You can find more of his work, including our opening music, Teleportationism, at Bandcamp.
Some episodes about living with addiction
In response to a listener email, we compiled a list of episodes that have guests who share their experience, strength, and hope about living with active addiction or alcoholism.
Episode 70: Living with alcoholism or addiction
Episode 65: Hope
Episode 54: Family of our Dreams
Episode 52: My Story
Episode 78: Stay or Go?
Episodes 58 and 59: Relapse and Michelle's story
Episode 22: Parents roundtable
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The Recovery Show 48:19
Triggers – Episode 92 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/#respond Tue, 21 Oct 2014 06:04:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2980 Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us? Spencer and Akilah talk about our experience of triggers and how the 12 steps have lessened their impact on our lives. We had a few basic questions to guide our … Continue reading "Triggers – Episode 92"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/feed/ 0 Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us? Spencer and Akilah talk about triggers. Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Akilah talk about our experience of triggers and how the 12 steps have lessened their impact on our lives. We had a few basic questions to guide our conversation:<br /> <br /> What does “trigger” mean to you?<br /> What triggers have you recognized in yourself?<br /> How do you react to these triggers?<br /> How has the program helped you to reduce or eliminate your triggers?<br /> Taking an inventory?<br /> Finding acceptance?<br /> Making amends?<br /> Trusting in my Higher Power?<br /> Harriet and Julia also shared some of their experience with being triggered by voice mail and email.<br /> <br /> The Recovery Show 1:30:36
Trust – Episode 91 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/#respond Tue, 14 Oct 2014 01:44:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2973 Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust. We used these questions to guide our discussion: When do I have trouble trusting? How do I know I can trust someone? Do I have a Higher Power I can trust? Can I trust myself? Can others trust me? What … Continue reading "Trust – Episode 91"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/feed/ 0 Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust. Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion:<br /> <br /> When do I have trouble trusting?<br /> How do I know I can trust someone?<br /> Do I have a Higher Power I can trust?<br /> Can I trust myself?<br /> Can others trust me?<br /> What is my history of trusting myself?<br /> In what ways am I trustworthy both to myself and to others?<br /> In what ways have I been untrustworthy in some of my activities?<br /> How do I determine if someone is trustworthy?<br /> How do I determine if someone has lost my trust?<br /> What behaviors do I have that inspire trust?<br /> What behaviors do I have that inhibit trust?<br /> What important things do I trust to my Higher Power?<br /> What am I reluctant to give over to my Higher Power at this time?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:31:20
Tradition 10 – Episode 90 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/#respond Tue, 07 Oct 2014 06:25:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2966 Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, which says “The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be … Continue reading "Tradition 10 – Episode 90"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/feed/ 0 Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, which says “The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.”<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talk about Tradition 10, about how they see it work in their meetings, and how they can use it in their personal lives. We had some questions to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> Can you recall a situation in a meeting were this happened, where someone brought outside issues into the meeting?<br /> <br /> How did you, how did the group dealt with it?<br /> <br /> Is there a Al Anon position on outside topics?<br /> <br /> How do you feel when someone isn't sharing your opinion on something?<br /> <br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> <br /> How can you apply tradition 10 to your personal life<br /> <br /> Questions from Reaching for Personal Freedom workbook:<br /> <br /> How does tradition 10 remind me to keep the focus on myself instead of others?<br /> How do I connect tradition 10 to detachment?<br /> How can tradition 10 help me to respond in a loving way when others say insulting or hurtful things to me?<br /> How can tradition 10 help me to not just keep my opinions to myself, but to let them go from my mind?<br /> When has practicing the spiritual principle of Tradition 10 helped me to love family members and friends without getting involved in their personal situation and decisions?<br /> In what ways can Tradition 10 help me when my family members are going through difficult or sad situations? The Recovery Show 1:26:22
Taking Care of Myself – Episode 89 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/#comments Mon, 29 Sep 2014 03:49:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2961 When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself. In Al-Anon, we are told that we need to take care of ourselves first. What … Continue reading "Taking Care of Myself – Episode 89"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/feed/ 1 When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself. When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself.<br /> <br /> In Al-Anon, we are told that we need to take care of ourselves first. What does this really mean? How does it change the way we live our lives? This week, I had an opportunity to practice self-care, because I caught a cold. I am pretty sure that this cold was my body's way of telling me that I needed to slow down a little, that I was trying to do too much in my life, and that my health was being affected by that. I took a couple days off work, although I worked some from home. The big difference was that when I needed to lie down or take a nap, I could. I was also not inflicting my sniffling and coughing, not to mention germs, on my co-workers. Because of the cold, and because of a commitment I had made for the weekend, I was not able to plan for the podcast episode that I had wanted to create this weekend. Instead, I am reflecting on how self-care has been a part of my life this week, and how I had to change my plans to take care of myself. The Recovery Show 16:26
Intimacy – Episode 88 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/#respond Tue, 23 Sep 2014 04:50:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2953 Have you lost the ability to share intimately with another person? Have you found people in the program that you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy with your loved ones? Mara and Spencer talk about Intimacy. We used these questions to inform our conversation. What is intimacy? Vocabulary.com says this: … Continue reading "Intimacy – Episode 88"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/feed/ 0 Is it hard to share intimately with another person? Are there people you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy? Spencer and Mara discuss intimacy. Have you lost the ability to share intimately with another person? Have you found people in the program that you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy with your loved ones? Mara and Spencer talk about Intimacy.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to inform our conversation.<br /> <br /> What is intimacy?<br /> Vocabulary.com says this: Intimacy is closeness with another person, like the intimacy that develops between friends as you tell one another your life's story and all your secrets and dreams for the future.<br /> Do I have any intimate relationships in my life today? Have I had any in the past?<br /> How do I deflect or avoid intimacy?<br /> What keeps me from being intimate with my loved ones? My friends? My family?<br /> How have I learned to be intimate in Al-Anon?<br /> “Safe place”<br /> to be vulnerable<br /> sharing by others<br /> sharing with others<br /> How have I developed an intimate relationship with my sponsor?<br /> How am I deepening the friendships and loving relationships in my life? What might help me do so?<br /> Questions from Blueprint for Progress:<br /> <br /> How do I define intimacy?<br /> What actions encourage intimacy and which ones don’t?<br /> Which of my actions are helpful in bringing me closer to another person?<br /> With whom was I intimate when I was growing up?<br /> How have I shared important information with someone I didn’t trust?<br /> Where do I get examples of positive, intimate relationships?<br /> In what ways have I been intellectually or spiritually intimate with the alcoholic?<br /> What activities help me show how much certain people mean to me?<br /> What kind of examples do my actions convey about the importance of close relationships?<br /> For me, intimacy is tied in with trust and fear. Here are some questions from those sections of the Blueprint:<br /> <br /> What is my history of trusting myself?<br /> How do I determine if someone is trustworthy?<br /> How do I determine if someone has lost my trust?<br /> How do I react when frightened?<br /> What provokes my fears?<br /> How do my fears affect the way I make decisions?<br /> How do my fears of the alcoholic affect the way I interact with him/her?<br /> How do I include my Higher Power when I feel afraid and what is the result? The Recovery Show 1:19:46
Unmanageability – Episode 87 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/#comments Tue, 16 Sep 2014 17:29:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2943 Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live. We started with the outline below, but actually ended up structuring our conversation … Continue reading "Unmanageability – Episode 87"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live. Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live.<br /> <br /> We started with the outline below, but actually ended up structuring our conversation around some of these questions from the book From Survival to Recovery.<br /> <br /> When difficulties occur, do you need someone to blame, even it is yourself?<br /> Do you feel uncomfortabe or draw a blank when asked whar it is you really want?<br /> Does a dark cloud of despair or a creeping depression sometimes seem to apeer from nowhere to weigh you down?<br /> Do you feel guilty or selfish whenever you say "no"?<br /> Are you lonley and isolated? Do you feel like an outsider in the midst of a crowed?<br /> Can you identify only one or two extreme feelings, such as anger or fear?<br /> Do you think in all-or-nothing terms? Is life either wonderful or miserable, with litte in between?<br /> Are you numb or flat, with no extremes in you feelings whatsover?<br /> Does your memory fog out or have giant holes where you remember nothing?<br /> Do you feel suicidal or have a need to hurt yourself or others?<br /> Do you tolerate unacceptable behavior even after you have said you wont?<br /> Do you have difficulty relaxing and having fun. Would you not regonize fun, even if it was right on front of your nose?<br /> Are you frequently impatient with yourself or others?<br /> Do you think you are the only person in the world you can depend on?<br /> Do you feel compelled to do things for other people they could do for themselfs?<br /> Do you do things you don't want to do, rather than risking disappointing people?<br /> Do you have difficulty trusting your won perception? Do you need to prove you are right and others are wrong in order to convince yourself?<br /> Do you feel embarresed or ashamed because of someone else's behaviour?<br /> Do you startle easily?<br /> Do you think the best way to take care of your needs is not to have any?<br /> The original outline:<br /> <br /> How did you feel/react when you heard that your life was unmanageable?<br /> In what ways has your life been unmanageable?<br /> Trying to change things.<br /> Trying to control outcomes<br /> Trying to change somebody else<br /> Worrying<br /> Obsessing<br /> Not taking care of my own “stuff” because I’m in someone else’s.<br /> Priorities out of order<br /> What are symptoms of unmanageability?<br /> Anger<br /> Not eating<br /> Not sleeping<br /> Over-working<br /> Paralyzed inside<br /> Depression<br /> Isolation<br /> Physically sick<br /> How do I deal with these things differently today?<br /> Recognize when something is outside my control and “put it down.”<br /> Prayer<br /> Ask for help -- talk to a “program friend” or sponsor.<br /> Go to a meeting.<br /> Do what I can now, then let go of worry and obsession.<br /> Take care of myself -- remember to eat and sleep.<br /> Inventory -- what is my part, what is not?<br /> Understand my options<br /> Recognize that I have choices.<br /> Don’t pick up the rope.<br /> Gratitude<br /> Slogans that help<br /> First things first.<br /> Do the next right thing.<br /> Let go and let God.<br /> One day at a time<br /> Just for today<br /> How important is it?<br /> How do I know that my life is manageable?<br /> I have time for “me”<br /> I’m not always jumping from one “crisis” to the next<br /> I can recognize my choices and make them rationally<br /> I recognize others’ humanity and have compassion for their struggle<br /> I recognize that it is not my job to “fix” others The Recovery Show 1:23:05
Tradition 9 – no organization – Episode 86 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/#respond Wed, 03 Sep 2014 02:59:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2933 How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, “Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.” This seems somehow contradictory. What does it mean? Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 9, following these questions: What does it mean that our … Continue reading "Tradition 9 – no organization – Episode 86"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/feed/ 0 How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, "Our groups, as such, ought never be organized ..." This seems contradictory. What does it mean? How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, "Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve." This seems somehow contradictory. What does it mean?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 9, following these questions:<br /> <br /> What does it mean that our groups are not organized?<br /> How do we get things done without “organization”?<br /> When might we create “service boards” or committees?<br /> How does this tradition connect to Steps 2 & 3?<br /> How can I apply this tradition in my daily life? The Recovery Show 1:09:49
Alcoholism – a Personal Journey – Episode 85 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/#respond Tue, 26 Aug 2014 03:39:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2925 What did you think when you first heard the statement that alcoholism is a disease? Did is seem like a cop-out? Did you feel that your loved one just needed to drink normally!? Today, Spencer explores his personal journey of coming to an understanding of this cunning, baffling, and powerful thing called alcoholism. Here's a … Continue reading "Alcoholism – a Personal Journey – Episode 85"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/feed/ 0 Is alcoholism a disease? Or is that a cop-out? Listen to my journey of understanding of this cunning, powerful, and baffling thing called alcoholism. What did you think when you first heard the statement that alcoholism is a disease? Did is seem like a cop-out? Did you feel that your loved one just needed to drink normally!? Today, Spencer explores his personal journey of coming to an understanding of this cunning, baffling, and powerful thing called alcoholism.<br /> <br /> Here's a rough outline of the journey in bullet points:<br /> <br /> Alcoholism? Is that a thing?<br /> Alcoholic? Certainly not!<br /> The poster.<br /> Early explanations<br /> Genetics<br /> Brain chemistry<br /> Recovery and relapse<br /> Open talks<br /> Eye opening<br /> Coming to see the arc of the story -- one story in many lives<br /> Finding hope<br /> Disease concept<br /> Brain chemistry?<br /> A disease that denies itself<br /> Chronic, Progressive, Fatal unless arrested<br /> No known “cure” but can be treated<br /> Like cancer in remission<br /> Lifetime treatment (like diabetes)<br /> Compassion<br /> The Recovery Show 1:02:21
The 4 Ms – Manipulation Managing Mothering Martyrdom – Episode 84 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/#comments Tue, 12 Aug 2014 02:53:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2916 Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the … Continue reading "The 4 Ms – Manipulation Managing Mothering Martyrdom – Episode 84"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/feed/ 2 Do you try to do it all? To take care of others? To force outcomes? Are you unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom.<br /> <br /> Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the "4 M's" and how the program has helped us to rely less on these crutches.<br /> <br /> How do/did I try to manipulate others?<br /> “Setting up” a situation<br /> passive/agressive behavior<br /> How do/did I try to manage and control my live and the lives of those around me?<br /> How have I taken on responsibilities that were not mine?<br /> Have I ever been called a control freak?<br /> How do/did I mother others by “cleaning up” their problems, by doing things for them, etc?<br /> How have I played the martyr. What did I hope to gain?<br /> What tools does Alanon give us?<br /> Inventory – recognizing my behaviors.<br /> Loving detachment<br /> Self care The Recovery Show 1:25:24
Tradition 8 – Episode 83 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/#respond Tue, 05 Aug 2014 05:02:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2908 Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? How do we help one another in Al-Anon? Today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.” … Continue reading "Tradition 8 – Episode 83"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? We talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? How do we help one another in Al-Anon? Today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 8, guided by these thought questions.<br /> <br /> How does the reading match with my experience in Al-Anon?<br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> What are the advantages of a “fellowship of equals”?<br /> What are the disadvantages?<br /> Do I look to certain members as “experts”?<br /> How can this be a problem for me?<br /> How can this be a problem for them?<br /> Do I sometimes feel reluctant to share because I’m not an “expert”?<br /> Am I sometimes reluctant to share my problems because I feel I have to be “perfect” in my program?<br /> How can I share with others without trying to fix them?<br /> Am I sometimes “Mr or Ms Alanon”?<br /> How/when am I judgemental?<br /> How/when do I take others’ inventories?<br /> What about paid employees (“special workers”)?<br /> Final thoughts? The Recovery Show 1:11:06
Suffering is Optional – Episode 82 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/#respond Tue, 29 Jul 2014 04:33:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2900 What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering? Spencer and Maria share their experience about suffering and pain. We used this outline to guide our conversation. What distinction does the quote make between pain and suffering? Does it make sense to … Continue reading "Suffering is Optional – Episode 82"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/feed/ 0 What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering? What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Maria share their experience about suffering and pain. We used this outline to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> What distinction does the quote make between pain and suffering?<br /> Does it make sense to say “suffering is pain plus a story we tell ourselves?”<br /> What forms can suffering take?<br /> Worry.<br /> Obsession.<br /> Despair.<br /> Dullness.<br /> Self-pity.<br /> Isolation.<br /> ?<br /> What tools does Al-Anon give is to stop turning pain into suffering?<br /> Let go and let God.<br /> Just for today.<br /> One day at a time.<br /> Loving detachment.<br /> How important is it?<br /> Live and let live.<br /> This too shall pass.<br /> Patience.<br /> Prayer.<br /> Hope.<br /> Attitude of gratitude.<br /> Connection with others -- we are not alone. The Recovery Show 1:33:56
Cause, Cure, Control – The 3 Cs – Episode 81 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/#respond Tue, 22 Jul 2014 04:03:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2891 We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease? What are “the 3 C’s”? We didn't cause our loved one's … Continue reading "Cause, Cure, Control – The 3 Cs – Episode 81"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/feed/ 0 We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease? We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease?<br /> <br /> What are “the 3 C’s”?<br /> We didn't cause our loved one's alcoholism or addiction.<br /> We can't cure it.<br /> We can't control it.<br /> When did you first hear about them?<br /> What did you think then?<br /> How did you feel?<br /> Why are they important?<br /> How do they express our powerlessness over alcohol?<br /> The Recovery Show 53:30
What does it mean to work the steps? – Episode 80 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/#comments Thu, 17 Jul 2014 05:36:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2887 When you first heard “work the steps”, what did you think? Are you still confused about what it means? Or, maybe you’ve worked the steps, but you’re looking for more. Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience of “working the steps”. We consider these questions in our conversations. When … Continue reading "What does it mean to work the steps? – Episode 80"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/feed/ 2 When you first heard “work the steps”, what did you think? Are you still confused about what it means? Or, maybe you’ve worked the steps, but you’re looking for more. Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience o... Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience of “working the steps”. We consider these questions in our conversations.

* When you first heard the phrase “work the steps”, what did you think it meant?
* Have you worked the steps once? More than once?

* If more than once, how did your understanding of “working the steps” change?
* How did you work the steps? From a book? With a sponsor? As part of a group?


* Some steps have clear actions in them (“took an inventory”, “made a list”), and some do not (“came to believe”, “became entirely ready”).

* Would you say that some steps are “action steps” and some are not?
* Or, do you believe that all the steps have actions in them?


* How do you know you have “finished” a step and are ready to move on to the next one?
* If you are a sponsor, how do you guide your sponsees in working the steps?

Our topic for next week is “The 3 C's“. We are told that “We didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and we can't control it.” How does this help? Does it help? What do you think? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music
Here are some songs that we think connect to our topic. Listen to the episode to hear why and how.
Jordin Sparks – One Step at a Time
Ani DiFranco – Work Your Way Out
Janis Joplin – Work me, Lord
The music in the episode:
(intro)
(first break)
Klonopin (second break)
(closing)
 
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The Recovery Show 1:44:56
Tradition 7 – Episode 79 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/#comments Tue, 08 Jul 2014 03:52:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2875 How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.” Spencer and Ruth discuss these questions and others as we explore our understanding of Tradition 7. The statement of this tradition is pretty clear. Why … Continue reading "Tradition 7 – Episode 79"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/feed/ 1 How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.” How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth discuss these questions and others as we explore our understanding of Tradition 7.<br /> <br /> The statement of this tradition is pretty clear. Why do you think we have this tradition?<br /> How does Tradition 7 relate to Tradition 6, which says, in part, “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.”<br /> Are there other ways, besides financial, in which our groups are self-supporting?<br /> How can I be of service to my meeting(s)? How have I been of service?<br /> How do I use this tradition in my personal life?<br /> How am I self supporting<br /> Financially?<br /> Socially?<br /> Spiritually?<br /> Emotionally?<br /> Mentally?<br /> Physically?<br /> How have I felt when I was dependent on others?<br /> Have I expected that “the world” owed me? In what ways? How did I feel? How did I act?<br /> How has my self-worth depended on being needed by others?<br /> Do I take responsibility for my feelings and my actions? Do I blame others for how I feel?<br /> How do I contribute to my own well-being?<br /> How can I be fully self-supporting?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:17:23
What does it mean to “work” the steps? http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/#comments Thu, 26 Jun 2014 13:25:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2873 The topic of our next episode, number 79, is What does it mean to “work” the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question by sending email to feedback@therecoveryshow.com, by calling our voice mail number 734-707-8795, or by using the voicemail button at the right. Here are some thought questions that you can … Continue reading "What does it mean to “work” the steps?"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/feed/ 1 What does it mean to "work" the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question for our next episode. The topic of our next episode, number 79, is What does it mean to "work" the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question by sending email to feedback@therecoveryshow.com, by calling our voice mail number 734-707-8795, or by using the voicemail button at the right.<br /> <br /> Here are some thought questions that you can use as prompts for your sharing:<br /> <br /> When you first heard the phrase "work the steps", what did you think it meant?<br /> Have you worked the steps once? More than once?<br /> If more than once, how did your understanding of "working the steps" change?<br /> How did you work the steps? From a book? With a sponsor? As part of a group?<br /> Some steps have clear actions in them ("took an inventory", "made a list"), and some do not ("came to believe", "became entirely ready").<br /> Would you say that some steps are "action steps" and some are not?<br /> Or, do you believe that all the steps have actions in them?<br /> If you are a sponsor, how do you guide your sponsees in working the steps?<br /> The Recovery Show 3:15
Stay or Go? – Episode 78 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/#respond Tue, 24 Jun 2014 04:16:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2861 Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard question, Stay or Go? Spencer starts with his experience. He … Continue reading "Stay or Go? – Episode 78"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/feed/ 0 Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard... Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard question, Stay or Go?<br /> <br /> Spencer starts with his experience. He struggled for years with that question. When he came into the program, he was grateful to hear that he should not make any big decisions in his first year. It took a couple of years and some hard work to decide to stay in his alcoholic marriage.<br /> <br /> Ruth was in her relationship for a long time before she came to see that he was an alcoholic. She found Al-Anon then. After some more time, she realized that she could not continue in that relationship and made the hard decision to end it.<br /> <br /> Jennifer has stayed with her alcoholic husband, so far. She has hope that he will find long-term sobriety, but fears for the effects of his drinking on their young children if he cannot.<br /> <br /> Julia recently ended her relationship with her alcoholic boyfriend. She came to see that the relationship was not healthy for her, and that she could not stay.<br /> The Recovery Show 1:13:02
Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay? – Episode 77 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/#respond Tue, 17 Jun 2014 03:52:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2856 Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming? Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. We used this outline to guide our conversation. What brought you to Al-Anon originally? What was your situation? Was there active … Continue reading "Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay? – Episode 77"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/feed/ 0 Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming? Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. We used this outline to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> What brought you to Al-Anon originally?<br /> What was your situation?<br /> Was there active alcoholism in your life at the time?<br /> What was your relationship to the alcoholic(s) in your life?<br /> How did you “hit bottom”?<br /> What was your first meeting like?<br /> What did you expect?<br /> How were your expectations met?<br /> How were they not met?<br /> Did you keep coming back after your first meeting?<br /> Why or why not?<br /> How and when did you start to understand what the program was about?<br /> What did it mean to you?<br /> Did you find help for the situation that brought you to Al-Anon?<br /> Was it the kind of help you had expected?<br /> How long have you been in Al-Anon?<br /> Is the original situation the same?<br /> How or how not?<br /> What keeps you coming to Al-Anon?<br /> Do you still have active alcoholism in your life?<br /> Did you “discover” more alcoholism around you?<br /> Are you still dealing with the same issues as when you came in?<br /> Do you attend Al-Anon primarily to help you deal with the alcoholism in your life, past or present?<br /> Do you attend because of the growth and change in yourself you have found here?<br /> Do you attend because if you don’t, you get crazy again?<br /> Do you attend to pass the help on to others who are still suffering? The Recovery Show 1:09:42
Loss – Episode 76 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/#respond Tue, 10 Jun 2014 03:19:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2851 What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss … Continue reading "Loss – Episode 76"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/feed/ 0 What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss?<br /> <br /> I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss affects me and those close to me, and how my response to loss is so different now than it was before I came into the program. I used this outline as a guide for my musings.<br /> <br /> The story.<br /> How did I deal with loss in the past?<br /> Stuff it<br /> Ignore it<br /> Numb it<br /> Isolate<br /> Other kinds of loss?<br /> Loss of dreams<br /> Loss of friendship<br /> Separation and divorce<br /> Fear of Loss<br /> How has the program helped me to deal with loss?<br /> Feel it.<br /> Acceptance.<br /> Gratitude for what was.<br /> Grief process -- acknowledge it.<br /> Less guilt.<br /> How to deal with loss and grief<br /> Take care of self<br /> Prayer<br /> Ask for help<br /> Talk about it<br /> One Day at a Time<br /> Letting go The Recovery Show 48:57
Tradition 6 – Episode 75 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/#respond Tue, 03 Jun 2014 03:52:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2843 Tradition 6 says “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always co-operate with Alcoholics Anonymous.” What does this mean? How do we understand and apply it? How do … Continue reading "Tradition 6 – Episode 75"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/feed/ 0 Tradition 6 keeps us focused on our primary purpose by saying that we "ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise". Tradition 6 says “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always co-operate with Alcoholics Anonymous.” What does this mean? How do we understand and apply it? How do we use it in our personal life?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 6, guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> Why do I think we have this tradition?<br /> What is “our primary spiritual aim”?<br /> What are some examples of “outside enterprises”?<br /> Religions<br /> Treatment programs<br /> Other 12-step programs<br /> What are some hazards of promoting, endorsing, or talking about such “outside enterprises” in our meetings?<br /> In what ways does Al-Anon “cooperate with AA”?<br /> How can I apply this tradition in your personal life?<br /> Am I allowing material or financial concerns to gain priority over my personal spiritual needs and serenity?<br /> Am I allowing personal problems or successes to overwhelm me?<br /> Am I letting them get in the way of how I treat others?<br /> How do these slogans relate to Tradition 6?<br /> Easy Does It<br /> Keep It Simple<br /> Live and Let Live<br /> Let Go and Let God<br /> The Recovery Show 1:03:37
Faith over Fear – Episode 74 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/#comments Tue, 27 May 2014 04:19:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2837 Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear. Spencer and Adrienne talked about their experience with fear and faith, reflecting on these questions and others. How has fear been a factor in your life to date? In what ways did fear direct your actions (or … Continue reading "Faith over Fear – Episode 74"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/feed/ 2 Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear. Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Adrienne talked about their experience with fear and faith, reflecting on these questions and others.<br /> <br /> How has fear been a factor in your life to date?<br /> In what ways did fear direct your actions (or inactions) in the past?<br /> How have you experienced faith in recovery?<br /> Which steps are acts of faith for you?<br /> How does working the steps help you to learn to have faith?<br /> How can you move in faith rather than sitting in fear today? The Recovery Show 1:26:59
Tradition 5 – Episode 73 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/#respond Thu, 15 May 2014 06:13:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2825 Have you wondered what Al-Anon is about? Why do we keep coming when we feel better? What does Al-Anon tell us about our alcoholic friends and relatives? These questions and more are addressed by Tradition 5. “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the … Continue reading "Tradition 5 – Episode 73"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/feed/ 0 We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics. Have you wondered what Al-Anon is about? Why do we keep coming when we feel better? What does Al-Anon tell us about our alcoholic friends and relatives? These questions and more are addressed by Tradition 5. “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.”<br /> <br /> Ruth shares her experience with being welcomed into the fellowship of Al-Anon, and about how she came to understand what it means to "encourage" her alcoholic loved one. Then Spencer shares his musings on this tradition, roughly following this outline.<br /> <br /> What does it mean to “understand and encourage our alcoholic relatives”?<br /> How can we gain understanding of alcoholism?<br /> How does this help us?<br /> How can I “encourage” my alcoholic relative(s)?<br /> In what ways did Al-Anon welcome me?<br /> How do I welcome others?<br /> How do I give comfort to others?<br /> Why is it important for me to work the 12 steps? The Recovery Show 1:27:41
We claim spiritual progress … – Episode 72 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/#respond Tue, 06 May 2014 04:06:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2817 Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can't go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down … Continue reading "We claim spiritual progress … – Episode 72"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/feed/ 0 Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." ... We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. (Alcoholics Anonymous)<br /> <br /> Mara joins Spencer again to talk about perfection, progress, and topics in between. We had some question, but the quote, above, from the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous formed the foundation of our conversation. Here are some of the questions we may or may not have ended up addressing.<br /> <br /> What does it mean to be perfect?<br /> What is your perspective/understanding on character defects? Are they what keep you from perfection?<br /> How did you feel about perfection before the program vs. now?<br /> What do you consider to be progress?<br /> How does your outlook and attitude change when you look at your progress (how far you’ve come) instead of your shortcomings (how far you have to go to be perfect)?<br /> How do you see your progress?<br /> By taking a periodic inventory?<br /> When you see yourself facing or responding to an old situation in a new way?<br /> When someone else points it out to you?<br /> How do you feel or react when something does not work out the way you wanted it to?<br /> What tools can you use to get past that feeling or reaction to resolution or completion?<br /> Spencer closed with this prayer he got from a Facebook friend, by which he tries to live every day. "Lord, help me to hold myself and others to a standard of grace, rather than perfection." The Recovery Show 1:52:54
Recovery on the Road interview with Mara – Episode 71 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/#respond Thu, 01 May 2014 04:57:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2814 How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive. Our conversation was very loosely guided by these questions: Did you think about how you were going to take your recovery program with you before … Continue reading "Recovery on the Road interview with Mara – Episode 71"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/feed/ 0 How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive. How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive.<br /> <br /> Our conversation was very loosely guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> Did you think about how you were going to take your recovery program with you before you left home?<br /> What did you take with you? (Literature, phone numbers, meeting locations / list?)<br /> What were your expectations about what you would find at your destination (that could support your recovery)?<br /> How did you use what you brought?<br /> Did you make program calls? Text? Email?<br /> How did what happened match (or not) your expectations (of practicing recovery)?<br /> Did you attend in-person meetings?<br /> Did you attend online meetings?<br /> What did you find challenging about practicing your recovery program while traveling?<br /> How did your program help you enjoy your travel?<br /> What else would you like to share about your experience?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:19:17
Living with alcoholism or addiction – Episode 70 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/#comments Tue, 22 Apr 2014 05:18:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2810 Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction. We hear personal stories from Julie, Jen, Maria, and Spencer. Each of us was given the following questions … Continue reading "Living with alcoholism or addiction – Episode 70"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/feed/ 1 Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction. Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction.<br /> <br /> We hear personal stories from Julie, Jen, Maria, and Spencer. Each of us was given the following questions as a prompt, and although our stories are different, they are also the same.<br /> <br /> Tell me a little bit about your situation:<br /> What relationship do you have with the active alcoholic or addict?<br /> Is he or she living in your home?<br /> How long have you been living with active alcoholism?<br /> Are you still living with the alcoholic or have you separated?<br /> How long have you been attending AlAnon meetings?<br /> How long have you been working the AlAnon program, if that's different from the answer to the previous question?<br /> How are you using the tools of the AlAnon program in your situation?<br /> Which slogans do you find helpful?<br /> How do you recognize your powerlessness?<br /> What do you have power to affect or change?<br /> Are you keeping the focus on yourself first?<br /> Are you practicing detachment? With love?<br /> Are you recognizing where you have enabled the alcoholic in the past?<br /> How are you working to not enable now?<br /> Has AlAnon helped you to be less angry, sad, scared, frustrated, anxious, (add your own favorite emotion here)?<br /> What questions and issues are you struggling with now?<br /> With respect to the alcoholic?<br /> With respect to other family members such as children?<br /> With respect to yourself?<br /> With respect to the relationship you have with the alcoholic?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:41:01
Tradition 4 – autonomy – Episode 69 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/#respond Tue, 15 Apr 2014 03:37:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2805 Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4, which says “Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting … Continue reading "Tradition 4 – autonomy – Episode 69"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/feed/ 0 Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4. Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4, which says “Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or AA as a whole.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Rachel talk about Tradition 4. As we do, we consider these questions and others.<br /> <br /> What does this tradition say to you about how we can and cannot conduct our meetings?<br /> What is autonomy?<br /> How might the actions of a particular group affect “Alanon or AA as a whole”?<br /> How does this tradition suggest that a group takes responsibility for their actions?<br /> How can you apply this tradition to your own life?<br /> How do you take responsibility for your own actions?<br /> How do you allow others to take responsibility for their own actions?<br /> Think about other groups you are a member of (family, affinity group, group of close friends).<br /> Do these groups follow this tradition? What would happen if they did? The Recovery Show 1:12:24
Forgiveness – Episode 68 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/#respond Tue, 08 Apr 2014 04:47:39 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2799 Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness. Spencer and Erika share their experience, strength, and hope about forgiveness, and try to address these questions. … Continue reading "Forgiveness – Episode 68"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness. Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Erika share their experience, strength, and hope about forgiveness, and try to address these questions.<br /> <br /> What do the quotes that we opened the show with say to you about forgiveness?<br /> How does this compare to the way you used to think about forgiveness?<br /> Did you (or do you) think about forgiveness as giving a “free pass” to the person who hurt you?<br /> Do you now think about forgiveness as “a gift you give to yourself”? (Or can you be willing to think about it that way now?)<br /> How can forgiveness connect to the love of your higher power?<br /> What Al-Anon tools can you use to help move from anger and resentment to forgiveness?<br /> Inventory — seeing “my part” (and I there is almost always “my part” as well as “their part”)<br /> Compassion — especially helpful for me in finding forgiveness for my alcoholic loved one’s actions during her active disease.<br /> Prayer and meditation. Praying for the person I want to forgive, even if it’s just the “SOB prayer.”<br /> Seeing that the other person is a human being, with faults, and that they were doing the best they knew at the time.<br /> Setting boundaries to prevent the hurt from happening again.<br /> How can I find forgiveness for myself, for my past actions that hurt others? (Same tools?)<br /> What about “unforgiveable” behaviors? How can I let them go so that they’re not continuing to affect my serenity and continuing to drag me down? The Recovery Show 1:32:06
Made a Decision – Episode 67 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/#comments Tue, 01 Apr 2014 02:53:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2791 I’ve titled today’s episode Made a Decision. I am going to relate my the story of my journey to and through Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our live over to  the care of God as we understood God.” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness, … Continue reading "Made a Decision – Episode 67"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/feed/ 1 “Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God …” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness, surrendered. I’ve titled today’s episode Made a Decision. I am going to relate my the story of my journey to and through Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our live over to the care of God as we understood God.” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness, and eventually surrendered. But still, I must give my will over on a daily basis, because I continue to try to take it back.<br /> <br /> My Story<br /> What is this “God” thing of which you speak?<br /> How can I turn my will and my life over to something I don’t believe in?<br /> “Act as if”<br /> Letting go of my loved one’s recovery (or lack thereof)<br /> The meeting and the program as my HP<br /> A later understanding of surrender -- just going to meetings<br /> Unmanageability as motivation<br /> Evidence of God working in my life<br /> Growing willingness<br /> Surrender<br /> God suggests -- sometimes I listen<br /> Daily practice<br /> What holds me back?<br /> My intellect<br /> Fear (of losing control)<br /> Desire for my outcome<br /> What pushed me forward<br /> Clear unmanageability of life<br /> Seeing it work -- when I listened<br /> My will has often led me into trouble<br /> Change requires changing -- letting go of old ways -- I can’t do it alone The Recovery Show 1:06:50
Codependency – Episode 66 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/#comments Tue, 25 Mar 2014 05:59:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2778 If you put your loved one’s needs ahead of your own… If you feel that others’ happiness is your responsibility… If your response to “what do you want for dinner” is “what do you want?”  … Then you’ve come to the right place, because today, we’re going to talk about codependency. Spencer took this one … Continue reading "Codependency – Episode 66"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/feed/ 2 If you put your loved one’s needs ahead of your own… If you feel that others’ happiness is your responsibility… If your response to “what do you want for dinner” is “what do you want?” … You’ve come to the right place, Spencer took this one solo, trying to follow this rough outline:

* Wikipedia says “Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”
* Did you have any understanding of codependency before you came into recovery? Had you even heard of it?
* When did you first hear of codependency? What did you think it meant then?
* How has your understanding of codependency changed?
* In what ways do you have codependent behavior?
* How have you recovered from your own codependent behavior? What program tools do you use?
* How do you deal with other people’s codependent behavior?

* In your family?
* With friends?
* With co-workers?



Upcoming topics include Tradition 4, forgiveness, and how to take recovery with you when you travel. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
Lori McKenna: Drinkin' Problem
Misty Lyn and the Big Beautiful: Drowning's Better (with your friends)

Coldplay: Fix You
After I finished recording, I received an email from Julia who recommended “Can't Smile Without You” by Barry Manilow as “the most codependent song ever.” It's hard to disagree:
 
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The Recovery Show 1:10:39
Hope – Episode 65 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/#respond Tue, 18 Mar 2014 03:28:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2773 “… we shall hew from this mountain of despair a small stone of hope.” — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of … Continue reading "Hope – Episode 65"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/feed/ 0 What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of confusion, fear, and despair. "... we shall hew from this mountain of despair a small stone of hope." — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.<br /> <br /> What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of confusion, fear, and despair.<br /> <br /> Some of the questions we used to guide our discussion included these:<br /> <br /> How did you experience hope before you came to the program?<br /> Did you “hope for” particular outcomes?<br /> Has your conception or experience of hope changed as you have worked the program?<br /> Do you see a difference between having a hopeful attitude versus an optimistic attitude?<br /> The "Stockdale paradox" is that the POWs in Vietnam who didn't survive were the optimists.<br /> In his “dream” speech, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. said “With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.”<br /> What does this say to you?<br /> Does faith support or engender hope for you? (Faith in a higher power, faith in the program, faith that there are good people, faith…)<br /> How can we find hope in a seemingly hopeless situation?<br /> Can hope lift us from despair, as King suggests?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:34:38
Detachment – a “best of” episode – Episode 64 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/#respond Tue, 11 Mar 2014 01:25:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2767 Early on, I was told to practice “loving detachment.” I already knew how to do “middle finger detachment,” but detaching with love was a foreign concept. In this “best of” episode from February 2013, Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope about this complex topic. Our topic for next week is hope. Please … Continue reading "Detachment – a “best of” episode – Episode 64"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/feed/ 0 I was told to practice "loving detachment." I already know how to do "middle finger detachment," but detaching with love was a foreign concept. Early on, I was told to practice "loving detachment." I already knew how to do "middle finger detachment," but detaching with love was a foreign concept. In this "best of" episode from February 2013, Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope about this complex topic.<br /> The Recovery Show 53:11
Tradition 3 – Episode 63 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/#respond Tue, 04 Mar 2014 04:46:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2759 Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.” … Continue reading "Tradition 3 – Episode 63"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/feed/ 0 Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.”<br /> <br /> Ruth contributed her reading of Tradition 3 in German: "Wenn sich Angehörige von Alkoholikern zu gegenseitiger Hilfe versammeln, können sie sich Al-Anon Familiengruppe nennen, vorausgesetzt, dass sie - als Gruppe - keine andere Bindung haben. Die einzige Voraussetzung für die Zugehörigkeit ist, dass bei einem Angehörigen oder Freund ein Alkoholproblem besteht." (From http://www.al-anon.de/grund/programm/12traditionen.htm)<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talked by Skype, and we then added her contributions into the conversation with Wendy. We used these questions to guide our discussions:<br /> <br /> How do you interpret the word “relatives” in this tradition?<br /> What about “alcoholic” and “alcoholism”?<br /> Does your loved one have to admit they are alcoholic before you qualify for Al-Anon?<br /> What if the alcoholic is no longer present in your life?<br /> Do you think this tradition is intended to be inclusive or exclusive? Or maybe some of both?<br /> How do you feel about including members whose loved ones are addicts to another drug or behavior?<br /> Can alcoholics and addicts qualify?<br /> How do we welcome them and keep the focus on Al-Anon at the same time?<br /> What does this tradition suggest about how our groups function?<br /> Welcoming new members?<br /> Keeping focus on Al-Anon?<br /> Who gets to decide whether someone is qualified to attend Al-Anon?<br /> Can we read this tradition to say “we don’t judge motives”?<br /> How can I use this tradition in my personal life?<br /> How can I use it at work?<br /> How can I use it in relationships? The Recovery Show 1:18:25
Changed Attitudes – Episode 62 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/#respond Tue, 25 Feb 2014 04:48:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2754 We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes.  at·ti·tude a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior. the orientation of an aircraft or spacecraft, relative to … Continue reading "Changed Attitudes – Episode 62"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/feed/ 0 We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes. We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes.<br /> <br /> at·ti·tude<br /> <br /> a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior.<br /> the orientation of an aircraft or spacecraft, relative to the direction of travel.<br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion:<br /> <br /> What is “attitude” anyway?<br /> Do I generally have a negative attitude or a positive attitude?<br /> Can you make deliberate changes in attitude?<br /> One definition: “Angle of approach”<br /> If you use this definition, how does this change your answer?<br /> Can you change your attitude by looking at your situation / events / other people from a different point of view?<br /> Have you changed your attitudes since coming to the program?<br /> How does a change in attitude help me to accept powerlessness?<br /> To help me see what I *can* change?<br /> To stop “taking it personally”?<br /> What tools have helped you change attitude?<br /> Steps?<br /> Slogans?<br /> Other people’s experience, strength and hope?<br /> From meetings<br /> Literature<br /> “open” talks<br /> Higher power, prayer, meditation<br /> How have changes in attitude helped you<br /> In relationships?<br /> At work?<br /> Dealing with the addict/alcoholic(s) in your live?<br /> Living? The Recovery Show 1:15:11
Intuition or God’s Will? – Episode 61 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/#respond Tue, 18 Feb 2014 04:04:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2746 How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing? Spencer does this one solo, with written participation by Ruth and Adrienne. He starts from this outline: What is intuition? in·tu·i·tion 1. the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for … Continue reading "Intuition or God’s Will? – Episode 61"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/feed/ 0 How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing? How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing?<br /> <br /> Spencer does this one solo, with written participation by Ruth and Adrienne. He starts from this outline:<br /> <br /> What is intuition?<br /> in·tu·i·tion<br /> 1. the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.<br /> synonyms: instinct, intuitiveness<br /> 2. a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.<br /> How do I know the will of my higher power?<br /> Step 11: “conscious contact” through prayer and meditation<br /> Make time to listen to HP<br /> Go to meetings<br /> Calm. Gut feeling.<br /> Daily surrender (Step 3 / 7 prayers)<br /> Can intuition be the voice of my higher power?<br /> “Conscious contact” vs “instinctive / without conscious reasoning”<br /> “still small voice”<br /> What are warning signs that it is not my HP’s will?<br /> Trying to control<br /> Another person<br /> outcomes<br /> Dropping/ignoring program actions (meetings, reading, P&M)<br /> unmanageability, stress<br /> scrambling, frenetic, frantic<br /> The Recovery Show 1:06:30
Tradition 2 – Episode 60 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/#respond Mon, 10 Feb 2014 06:58:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2738 Spencer and Adrienne discuss Tradition 2, which says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority – a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience.  Our leaders are but trusted servants – they do not govern.” Which, when you think about it, is a pretty radical statement. Have you been … Continue reading "Tradition 2 – Episode 60"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/feed/ 0 Tradition 2 says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority - a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants - they do not govern.” Spencer and Adrienne discuss Tradition 2, which says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority - a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants - they do not govern.” Which, when you think about it, is a pretty radical statement. Have you been in any other groups that functioned without “leaders”? What does it mean that our leaders are “trusted servants?”<br /> <br /> We start with a reading from the blog al-anon journal about Tradition 2. Our discussion was shaped by these thoughts and questions:<br /> <br /> From Courage to Change Page 215:<br /> We strive to conduct our meetings as a fellowship of equals and to practice rotation of leadership. No single member has the right to take charge.<br /> When I insist on having my way, I am tampering with the spiritual nature of AlAnon as a whole<br /> Any attempt to manage or direct is likely to have disastrous consequences for Group Harmony<br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> How can it work? Can it really work to have no one person deciding how things will be?<br /> What is a “group conscience?” How is it determined?<br /> Is this sort of like Steps 2 & 3 for the group?<br /> How can you use this tradition in your personal life?<br /> In relationships<br /> At work<br /> With friends<br /> How does Tradition 2 support Tradition 1 (welfare of the group comes first)?<br /> Does this tradition remind me to not “take charge”?<br /> What is a “trusted servant?” How do you lead without governing?<br /> The Recovery Show 1:26:08
Relapse – Episode 59 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/#respond Mon, 03 Feb 2014 05:52:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2733 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. We structured our discussion around these points and questions: The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal. Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently … Continue reading "Relapse – Episode 59"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/feed/ 0 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse.<br /> <br /> We structured our discussion around these points and questions:<br /> <br /> The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal.<br /> Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently part of the process.<br /> As friends and family members, many of us have experienced the relapse of a loved one from a period of sobriety, sometimes short, sometimes long and full of recovery.<br /> How did and how do we respond and react when a loved one relapses?<br /> What is our understanding of relapse? It is often a process in which picking up the drink or drug is the last stage.<br /> How can we support ourselves and our loved ones in relapse?<br /> And, sometimes, we relapse back to our old behavior. What is an “Al-Anon relapse”?<br /> Have you had one? What was it like, and how did you get out of it? The Recovery Show 1:25:36
Interview with Michele – Relapse preview – Episode 58 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/#respond Mon, 27 Jan 2014 05:57:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2715 Michele wrote to us last week suggesting that we talk about relapse. She also offered to share her experience with us. I called her to interview her, and realized that her story was powerful and compelling. So, I changed the plan and this episode is our interview with Michele, talking about her 8 year journey … Continue reading "Interview with Michele – Relapse preview – Episode 58"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/feed/ 0 Michele talks about her 8 year journey as her son sank into addiction, her journey into recovery, and how that helped her to deal with repeated relapses. Michele wrote to us last week suggesting that we talk about relapse. She also offered to share her experience with us. I called her to interview her, and realized that her story was powerful and compelling. So, I changed the plan and this episode is our interview with Michele, talking about her 8 year journey as her son sank into addiction, about her journey into recovery, and about how that helped her to deal with his repeated relapses. When I wrote her to request an interview, her response included this: " Ironically, my son did relapse--just this past Saturday night, the day after I sent you my e-mail..." Listen and hear how she recognized a real change in her reaction and her response. The Recovery Show 1:20:47
Face to face meetings, why are they important? – Episode 57 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/#respond Tue, 21 Jan 2014 06:10:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2705 Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important. Our discussion was guided by these questions: What resources have you used / do you use in your program? Meetings Reading Al-Anon … Continue reading "Face to face meetings, why are they important? – Episode 57"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/feed/ 0 Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important. Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important.<br /> <br /> Our discussion was guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What resources have you used / do you use in your program?<br /> <br /> Meetings<br /> Reading Al-Anon literature<br /> Daily reader<br /> Sponsor<br /> Phone list<br /> Individual meetings with program members<br /> Small group (“AWOL”)<br /> Email<br /> Online meetings<br /> Podcasts<br /> Blogs<br /> Social media<br /> Journaling<br /> etc.<br /> How have these helped you? How is each different from the others?<br /> Could you do your program without going to meetings?<br /> What do you get from meetings that you don’t get from other resources?<br /> How does going to a meeting help others? How does it help to build a community of recovery?<br /> Has there been a time when you were unable to or just didn’t go to meetings? What did you do then? The Recovery Show 1:16:26
Communication – Episode 56 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/#respond Mon, 13 Jan 2014 07:16:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2695 Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Maria and guest host Meishia talk about Communication. We started with this list of questions. How … Continue reading "Communication – Episode 56"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Maria and guest host Meishia talk about Communication.<br /> <br /> We started with this list of questions.<br /> <br /> How did you communicate in your relationships before you came to the program?<br /> What special challenges to communication have you faced/seen in alcoholic relationships?<br /> Which of these communication skills did you have then / do you have now? Listening attentively and openly. Stating your needs clearly. Using “I” statements.<br /> Which of these communication problems did you have then / have you reduced or eliminated? Accusatory or judgemental statements. Expecting others to “read your mind”. Emotional reaction. Escalation to argument or fight<br /> What are “I” statements? Why would you want to use them? How can they help to enhance communication and avoid emotional escalation?<br /> Are you aware of the non-verbal signals you send?<br /> <br /> A well-written contribution from Adrienne sparked our conversation, and we just rolled on from there. The Recovery Show 1:38:33
Tradition 1 – Episode 55 http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/#respond Tue, 07 Jan 2014 07:45:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2685 Spencer and Maria are joined by special guest Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, which says “Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” We are guided by these questions: What does “common welfare” mean to you? What does “unity” mean to / for you? How do you think that … Continue reading "Tradition 1 – Episode 55"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/feed/ 0 Spencer, Maria and Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, "Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” Spencer and Maria are joined by special guest Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, which says "Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” We are guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What does “common welfare” mean to you?<br /> What does “unity” mean to / for you?<br /> How do you think that this tradition supports personal progress.?<br /> What are some ways you observe this tradition in your group(s)?<br /> How does this tradition inform or affect the “rules” your group(s) use in meetings?<br /> How does a group or meeting suffer when one person shares to long or otherwise dominates the meeting?<br /> Have you been affected by that behavior? Have you done that?<br /> How can and do you use this tradition outside the program, in your personal life?<br /> The reading in Pathways suggests that “a loving, spiritual community” provides the best chance for personal recovery. How does Tradition 1 help to build and maintain such a community?<br /> Do you share your experience, strength, and hope in your group meetings?<br /> Do you give others the opportunity to share equally? Do you listen when they share?<br /> How do sharing and listening attentively help to unite the group?<br /> How does taking control destroy unity?<br /> Does this tradition mean that everyone in the group must be happy or satisfied with a decision? Why or why not?<br /> How can you use what you have learned about this tradition to bring balance into your relationships?<br /> <br /> Ruth is in Germany, so we asked her to read Tradition 1 in German, which is “Unser gemeinsames Wohlergehen sollte an erster Stelle stehen; persönlicher Fortschritt für möglichst viele hängt vom Einigsein ab.” (http://www.al-anon.de/grund/programm/12traditionen.htm) The Recovery Show 1:31:34
Family of our Dreams – Episode 54 http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/#respond Mon, 30 Dec 2013 04:47:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2669 In the book, How Al-Anon Works, in the discussion of Step 1, it says, “We may never have the family of our dreams…” What is the family of your dreams? How does your family fall short of your dreams? What have you tried to do about it? How has recovery helped you to relate to … Continue reading "Family of our Dreams – Episode 54"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/feed/ 0 “We may never have the family of our dreams…” How has recovery helped you to relate to your family that you have, even if it's not the one of your dreams? In the book, How Al-Anon Works, in the discussion of Step 1, it says, “We may never have the family of our dreams…” What is the family of your dreams? How does your family fall short of your dreams? What have you tried to do about it? How has recovery helped you to relate to your family, whether the family of origin, family of choice, or “recovery family”?.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Maria, and Nic address these questions and others, very roughly following this outline.<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of the phrase “family of our dreams”?<br /> How do you envision your dream family of origin?<br /> How do you envision your dream family of choice?<br /> How do your real families fall short of your dreams? (Pick 1 or 2 examples!)<br /> How have you used / can you use your Al-Anon tools and principles in your families?<br /> Setting boundaries.<br /> Keeping expectations realistic.<br /> Accepting others as they are.<br /> We may not receive love in the way we want it, but recognizing it in whatever form it may be offered.<br /> Maintaining our own recovery in the face of non-recovery.<br /> Recognizing/breaking out of old unhealthy patterns.<br /> Detaching with love.<br /> Refraining from controlling behavior.<br /> Recognizing when we are shopping for bread at the hardware store.<br /> Keeping the focus on ourselves.<br /> Reflect on how your view of / interaction with / tolerance of / participation in your family(s) have changed in recovery. The Recovery Show 1:13:30
Step 12 – Episode 53 http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/#comments Fri, 20 Dec 2013 07:20:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2636 Are you wondering whether you’ve had a spiritual awakening, or even what a spiritual awakening might be? How can you practice these principles in all your affairs? And what are “these principles” anyway? Are you not sure how to carry the message? Today, Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual … Continue reading "Step 12 – Episode 53"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/feed/ 2 Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” Are you wondering whether you’ve had a spiritual awakening, or even what a spiritual awakening might be? How can you practice these principles in all your affairs? And what are “these principles” anyway? Are you not sure how to carry the message? Today, Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”<br /> <br /> Our discussion is structured by these questions:<br /> <br /> Have you had a spiritual awakening?<br /> What does that mean to you?<br /> How do you know?<br /> What sort(s) of spiritual awakening(s) have you experienced?<br /> What do you understand to be “these principles”?<br /> Steps? Traditions? Concepts? Slogans? What else?<br /> What are some ways in which you practice these principles “in all your affairs?”<br /> In the family<br /> At work<br /> With friends<br /> In society<br /> What are some ways in which you carry the message of the program to others?<br /> In meetings<br /> As a sponsor<br /> With family and friends<br /> This podcast!<br /> How does Step 12 empower and inspire you? The Recovery Show 1:23:34
My Story – Episode 52 http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/#respond Mon, 09 Dec 2013 04:30:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2626 For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. Several of you did, and two are featured in this episode. Unfortunately, a third suffered damage that made it unplayable, so we weren't able to use it. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer. … Continue reading "My Story – Episode 52"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/feed/ 0 For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer. For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. Several of you did, and two are featured in this episode. Unfortunately, a third suffered damage that made it unplayable, so we weren't able to use it. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer.<br /> <br /> Why is it important that we tell our stories? As all three of these stories show, we felt isolated, we felt alone, and we felt that nobody else could possibly understand what was happening in our lives. We all found common ground and understanding when we came to meetings and heard others sharing their own experiences. It is others' stories that draw us in, and give us hope. It is stories that illuminate tools that we can take for our own, that we can use to deal with the problems in our lives.<br /> <br /> Julia's story is different from Emily's story, and both are different than mine, in the details. But in the essentials, in the feelings and fears and uncertainties and insecurities, they are quite similar. I know that I identified strongly with elements of both stories, and I am sure that you will, too. You may have heard the expression "Identify, don't compare!" If we compare ourselves to others, saying "Well, I'm not like that!" and "I never would do that thing!", we lose an opportunity to grow and heal. When we look for the ways in which we can identify with another's experience, we can then take their strength and hope into our own program of recovery. The Recovery Show 1:03:45
First Things First – Episode 51 http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/ http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/#respond Mon, 25 Nov 2013 05:20:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2609 Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.” Spencer, Maria and special guest Adrienne discuss this slogan, guided by these questions: How did you make decisions / set … Continue reading "First Things First – Episode 51"

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http://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/feed/ 0 Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.” Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.”<br /> <br /> Spencer, Maria and special guest Adrienne discuss this slogan, guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> How did you make decisions / set priorities before the program?<br /> What is the difference between urgent and important for you?<br /> Do you let immediate “crisis” distract you from the important things in your life?<br /> How do you understand the slogan “First things first”?<br /> What tools can help you to figure out what is the “first thing”?<br /> Have you used this slogan to help you make choices and set priorities?<b