It’s Not Your Fault – 339

Do you feel that IT is your fault? How can recovery help you understand what is really your responsibility and what is absolutely not? Spencer and Eric discuss these questions along with shares from many of you. This topic was inspired by the scene “it's not your fault” from the movie Good Will Hunting. A clip of this scene from YouTube is shown below.

  • Definitions of fault and blame?
    • Blame: 
      • v. Assign responsibility for a fault or wrong.
      • Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. (
    • Fault:
      • responsibility for an accident or misfortune.
      • a misguided or dangerous action or habit
      • v. criticize for inadequacy or mistakes
    • At fault:
      • responsible for an undesirable situation or event; in the wrong.
  • When and how have you felt that “it” is your fault?
  • How did you respond/react to this (guilty) feeling? (258, responsibility 120, 102, patience 333)
  • When do others (and maybe particularly the alcoholic or addict in your life) blame you for their problems?
  • Do you blame yourself for the things that have happened?
  • Do you criticize yourself for your decisions and actions?
  • Does it always seem that you “could have done better”?
  • How have the 12 steps and the tools of recovery helped?
  • How are you learning to take just the right amount of responsibility for your own decisions and actions?
  • When do you know it is not your fault?
  • What are you still struggling with feeling “to blame” for?

Readings and Links

We read from the book In All Our Affairs, p. 85, the section titled “No Longer Blaming Myself”.

We talked briefly about an article titled Is Your Guilt True or False?

The conversation and your sharing prompted reference to many episodes of The Recovery Show, including these:

13 – Shame, 81 The 3 C's, 102 Responsibility and Authority, 120 Authority and Responsibility, 121 Laughter, 151 Meditation, 169 Feelings, 211 Kindness and Courtesy, 219 3 P's, 258 Perspective, 270 Do You Believe?, 328 Hope Means Possibility, 333 Patience and Tolerance

Eric suggested a meditation titled She Let Go from Insight Timer.

Upcoming topics

Upcoming topics include feedback on episode 337 on activism and recovery. I’ve heard from some of you, and I’m planning an episode where your voices can stand alone. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the Show

“It's not your fault” clip from Good Will Hunting

The video for “Good Enough” includes a scene with domestic violence. If you just want to listen to the song here is a lyrics video, or you can hear it on the Spotify playlist, below.

1 comment on “It’s Not Your Fault – 339

  1. Britt says:

    Thank you so much. God bless you. 52 years later, I still think it is my fault. Separating myself from the disorder and abuse of my family is the only way to survive.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.