Detachment with love – Episode 188

Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you?

We start with a reading from an Al-Anon flyer titled Detachment.

  • What thoughts about detachment does the reading bring up for you?
  • When you first heard the word “detachment” in a meeting, what did you think it meant?
  • Did “detachment with love” make any sense to you at all?
  • What is the difference between detachment and distancing or separation?
  • Why do I get angry? Fear. Because I care.
  • Maybe I have to become “indifferent” when moving from anger to love.
  • What forms of detachment have you found/learned?
    • Emotional — my emotions are not ruled by someone else’s.
    • Detaching the person from their disease (How Al-Anon Works, Detachment section in Chapter 11):

      If someone we love had the flu and cancelled plans with us, most of us would understand. We wouldn’t take it personally or blame the person for being inconsiderate or weak. Instead, in our minds, we would probably separate the person from the illness, knowing that it was the illness, rather than our loved one, that caused the change of plans. This is detachment.

    • Detaching from outcomes
  • How has detachment helped you?
    • Treating others with more kindness and compassion.
    • Give a power greater than myself a space to come in.
    • Not getting “pulled down”
    • Being able to love the person while hating their actions
    • Finding forgiveness
    • More serenity.

I read from a small flyer called Detachment, published by Al-Anon. It is available as a PDF from the Al-Anon web site.

Upcoming topics include slogans (what's your favorite?), Alateen, and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show

Dirty Projectors: What I See

Ray LaMontagne: Empty

Fiona Apple: Across the Universe–WezU



2 comments on “Detachment with love – Episode 188

  1. Michelle says:

    This podcast has been very valuable to me. I have listened to two episodes so far: Boundaries (the best of) and Detachment. Both were right on time for me. I have been to three Al-anon meetings so far and I can only go once a week. I found your podcast searching for any more information that I could find on Al-anon programs.

    My alcoholic is 60 days into recovery and now is a very crazy time. I hope that you will both continue to put new episodes out. I will send a donation as soon as possible.

    With love and thanks,

  2. James @MelbourneRehabs says:

    This is an extremely powerful message. And this is exactly the fact that I’m a staunch believer that punitive measures aren’t ever going to help in a person’s addiction recovery. I loved this podcast, and I’m taking with me a message that I’m sure is going to benefit a lot of people I’m concerned about – “Detachment With Love.”

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