Are you co-crazy? How can we recover from the state of codependent craziness?
Sarah M joined us to talk about her journey of recovery from what she calls “co-crazy”. Her book is titled Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A memoir & roadmap to freedom.
My path into recovery began when I was sober for 20 years or so and married a guy in the program who relapsed and my life fell apart. Before that I had gone to Al-anon when I was married in 1999 and it began to change my life. Going to Al-anon and working the steps and keeping the focus on myself rather than the other person was the turning point in my recovery.
I wrote the book because I have worked with people in recovery for thirty years, and most people I worked with seriously struggled with their codependency. I often say if my clients could do 2 things: 1) speak up and 2) set boundaries, I would not have a job! So treating the untreated codependency became what my work life was really about—helping people to look at the fear that was keeping them stuck and what was getting in the way..of speaking their truth…
I believe codependency kills people. I am very committed to get this message out because focusing on others does not help you OR the other people, that is the delusion that coaddicts live in. My belief is the definition of codependency is simply the inability to be who you truly are. Its all about what others think and feel rather than what you think and feel.
The take home message is that life can be soooo much easier and simpler when you just focus on yourself. You can find so much freedom and peace when you stay in your lane—and that you are worth it. That it is ok to feel good about yourself, its not selfish, you don’t have to feel guilty—focusing on yourself actually works so much better for both people…
Readings and Links
Sarah read a couple passages from her book Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A memoir & roadmap to freedom. It is available through Amazon or directly from Sarah. (Purchasing through the Amazon link benefits The Recovery Show, purchasing it from Sarah means she doesn't have to pay Amazon's cut).
In our conversation, we mentioned the podcast Adult Child. Be aware that the host, Andrea, uses explicit language that may not be suitable for all listeners.
Several listeners mentioned the Al-Anon book Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses.
Another listener suggested a book on dementia that had helped him: The Last Ocean: What Dementia Teaches Us About Love, by Nicci Gerard.
In response to a listener looking for resources for a teen whose mother is in rehab, I suggested listening to the stories of recovering alcoholics, such as those presented on the Sober Speak podcast, and that they might want to try Alateen meetings, which are listed on the Al-Anon website, including online meetings available in the Al-Anon app.
Talk to the show
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email email@example.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
3 comments on “Co-Crazy – 387”
I have been listening to your show since I joined Alanon in December 2012. I so value your comment about using a variety of resources once you have crossed over to the Recovery Forest. I identify with alot that Spencer shares as I am originally from Rochester, NY and moved to Portland, Oregon 1 week before Mt. St Helens blew. For anyone with experience with Eastman Kodak and/or photography I would like to mention a movie on Netflix called Kodachrome. Thank you so much for your service in hosting new podcasts.
Spencer God Bless You
I’m so grateful I found you all