Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others?

con·se·quence
ˈkänsikwəns
noun

1. a result or effect of an action or condition.

synonyms: result, upshot, outcome, effect, repercussion, ramification, corollary, concomitant, aftermath, after effect;

• Setting Consequences
  • I have to be willing to enforce them.
  • They should be realistic and relate to the behavior.
  • They should impact the other person more than me!
  • What is the difference between “threat” and “consequences”?
  • When I set a boundary and consequences for violating that boundary, am I attempting to control or manipulate another’s behavior?
• Consequences of OTHER people’s behavior – Is NOT my business
  • When I “do for others what they are capable of doing for themselves”, I set myself up as enabling, and deny them the natural consequences, good or bad, of their actions.  Resentment, disappointment, anger…
  • When I try to instill consequences, punishment, discipline, I often exacerbate an issue and set myself up yet again, for resentment, disappointment, anger…
  • A definition of “enabling” that I learned is “getting between someone and the consequences of their actions.” (see Courage to Change January 5, June 16)
• Consequences of MY behavior – IS my business
  • When I take care of myself, …
    • Feel better
    • Act better
    • Cope better
  • When I do not take care of myself I…
    • Blame
    • Resent
    • Slip into old behavior
    • Get sick, angry, lonely, tired
• Mentioned or implied in several slogans including Live and Let Live, Let Go and Let God, One Day at a Time
• Related topics – CONTROL, ENABLING, RESENTMENT, DETACHMENT, BOUNDARIES

Resources

We read from at least some of these articles.

• Al-Anon faces Alcoholism
• Unacceptable behavior and consequences (forum thread)
• Natural Consequences (Psychology Today)
• How to set Healthy Boundaries with Alcoholics and Addicts
• Natural Consequences (forum thread)
• 50 Quotes on Consequences (Psychology Today)
• Consequences on Brainy Quotes

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show

Ringo Starr: The No No Song

TLC: Waterfalls

Camila Cabello – Consequences