Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense.

Here's our outline:

• Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down?
  • “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.”
  • “If I don’t think about a problem, it will go away.” (Tom)
  • “Instead of doing something, I chew over my problems in my head, over and over.”
  • “I escape into a book/movie/tv show/video game/… when I don’t want to face something.”
  • “Conflict just shuts me down. Sometimes I can’t even talk.”
  • “I keep busy with unimportant tasks, so I don’t have to face the things I don’t want to do.” (Tom)
  • “When there is chaos around me, I can’t do anything. I just shut down and retreat into my skull.”
  • “I hide by not answering the phone, or not opening mail.” (Tom)
  • “I fantasize about a better future, but I don’t seem to be able to do anything about getting there.” (Tom)
  • “In an airport or other public space I make sure nobody will sit next to me.” (Tom)
  • “I avoid difficult conversations at all costs.”
  • “There’s only one way to survive life. Shut down, or get hurt and die.”
• What have I learned about myself, and about my ways of “shutting down” and “escaping”?
  • Conflict avoidant.
  • Lack of self-worth/self-esteem.
  • Fear of criticism, rejection, other mental/spiritual harm.
  • Fear of bodily harm.
  • Fear of intimacy.
  • Denial — if I don’t “know” about a problem, maybe it won’t happen.
  • Isolating
  • Depression
• When can it be healthy to “shut down”?
  • Detachment
  • Taking a break
  • Resting
• What tools can I use to face daily conflicts, problems, and discomfort of dealing with other people?
  • Serenity prayer.
  • Other prayers.
  • Inventory. (I can’t change something if I don’t see it.)
  • Gratitude.
  • Check in with program friends.
  • Living in the moment. “One day at a time.”
  • Meditation.
  • Practicing Step 10. “… and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
  • Self-acceptance
  • Vulnerability.
  • HOW: “Honest, open, and willing.”
  • Detachment — “it’s not me/mine”
  • Scheduling activities with others to prevent a self-isolating funk
  • Progress not perfection

Some online resources

Suppressing Emotions

Emotionally Closed Off: Healing Pain and Learning to Love

Why Anxiety Causes Detachment “Why anxiety causes detachment” (about the “bad” kind of detachment — distancing, emotional shutting down)

Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. This one is “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links

The 12 Traditions as a Guide to Relationships (PDF)

Music from the show

Christina Perri: Jar of Hearts

Alessia Cara: Here

Cocteau Twins: Throughout the Dark Months of April and May (and, yes, I mis-stated the title as “… March and April”. Wishful thinking?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rhdLo_hHs8