Why are boundaries important to me right now? How am I setting and keeping healthy boundaries, today?
A couple of listeners shared their experience of boundaries. Spencer's discussion is guided by this outline.
- How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 11 Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness has a section titled Personal Boundaries.
- “… many of us find it difficult even to begin [to focus on ourselves] because we have lost track of the separation between ourselves and others.”
- “Enmeshed” best describes my relationship with my loved one before Al-Anon
- I didn’t understand where I stopped and someone else began, so naturally I tried to take responsibility for everything.
- Discovering boundaries: internal and external
- Internal: “this is mine, that is not mine” (also the “hula hoop” concept)
- Serenity prayer is a big help here.
- External: limits I set on my behavior and limits I set on what I will tolerate
- I will make sure I get enough rest, despite how late anyone else wants to stay up.
- I reserve the right to remove myself from uncomfortable situations
- I won’t give you more than I am comfortable giving
- Not exactly a slogan: “Givers need to set boundaries because takers have none.”
- Why are boundaries important now?
- At home with my wife (and dog) 24-7.
- Both of us are working — we both need to respect our work hours.
- Outside the home: honor distancing guidelines (boundary on my own behavior)
- Respect others’ desires
- How do I respond when others are not honoring my boundaries (distancing)?
Readings and Links
We read from Hope for Today, November 6; Courage to Change, July 19, and How Al-Anon Works, pages 267-269
Feedback
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Love your show… this one hits home a lot. Where are the songs from this episode?
Hi, Lisa. I did not select songs for this episode. That happens sometimes.
-Spencer
I stumbled upon the podcast and its been remarkably healing and helpful.
I grew up with a parent who drank and then luckily found and stuck to sobriety. However as a child I still felt like I was parenting them and am only now hearing of the concept of a dry drunk. Im hoping to dig deeper with this concept.
Now as an adult, my sibling has gone down a dark path of alcohol, gambling, and other suspected addictions. My parents want me to “be nicer” to my sibling and asked me “why I dont help him more…” Boundaries….and the best line I learned from this show “No…is a complete sentence.”
I had chest pain, panic attacks, nightmares and sleeplessness because of my sibling…it was taking all the joy out of my life and consumed me until I started to understand, that I cannot control his behavior. It was a pivotal moment and I credit your show with starting me on my path. Thank you.
I love “Givers need to set boundaries because takers have none”
Also, I like the skin reference. I am going to remember these. Very helpful.
Thank you
I am very grateful with all of your episodes. Sometimes I don’t know what I will get from your podcasts but everyone has effected me in some way. Like this episode has really hit home. I need to learn how to have boundaries that will work for me and the other person . The delivery/timing is important. The content of the boundary I needs to be clear.
Please know the work and service you do matters. Thank you for being here for the community of Alanon.
This podcast is amazing. You talked about every aspect surrounding boundaries and how to handle them in a relatable way. I have recommended this program and this particular podcast to several folks, all who have had the same reaction. Thank you for helping me deal with this important issue.