My Recovery is not Conditional on Yours – 374

Is your recovery dependent on someone else’s? How does this hurt?

Ester's partner decided to stop attending AA. How did she react? How did she use this to strengthen her own recovery?

She paused (and let her HP in). She let him speak and did not say anything that would harm.

The next challenge: he said “do you want to know more about this decision?” She felt that this was “like an alcoholic having a beer poured right in front of him.” YES! She wanted to know more, but she recognized that would not be best for her and said so.

It was important to talk to her sponsor and other friends in the program. Both to “unload” and to hear support for her actions.

She completed Steps 4 & 5, which meant “I could see what underlying fears were at the root of my bodily reaction.”

This all enabled her to “Understand at an embodied level for first time since entering the rooms that my recovery is not conditional on yours. (And my bodily reaction told me that I had not yet got there even though I knew this to be true intellectually.)”

Now that this particular news is (mostly) overcome and she has Let it Begin With Me and Let Go Let God, is everything perfect? (What do you think?)

These reminders and triggers will come up, and her own reactions can still be trauma responses.

But, what has changed? Before recovery:

  • taking it personally
  • accusing
  • irritated

Since entering recovery:

  • Contact my sponsor 
  • Contact friends in the fellowship whose recovery I admire and who I know will be there for me in a non-judgemental way
  • Depending on where I am in Step work, do some writing on it
  • Read today’s reading/s in daily readers, or topic readings based on what I feel I need a reminder of.
  • Keep up my Step work, but only when I have the mental/emotional/physical capacity. Not purely obligatory or to please Sponsor. Step work is for me. Recovery is for me.
  • Let it Begin With Me

We read from Courage to Change, p. 109 (April 18) and p. 337 (Dec 2).

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Music from the Show

Big Thief – Paul
Sara Bareilles – King Of Anything
Joan Jett & The Blackhearts – I Hate Myself for Loving You

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