If I’m not the problem, then there is no solution. Huh? How does this make sense for my recovery.
Spencer, Eric and several listeners share our thoughts about this idea.
- How would you have felt about this statement before you came into recovery?
- In what ways were you trying to fix other people’s problems?
- Which of those problems was actually yours?
- How did trying to fix someone else’s problems make you feel?
- What did you hear when you came to Al-Anon that encouraged you to think differently?
- What does this statement mean to you now?
- How does that affect/change your behavior?
- How is it liberating?
- How does it contribute to less unmanageability and more serenity in your life?
- Some problems I have
- Failing to LET GO. My problem becomes, that I will be dragged. Example, my (Eric) marriage. Going to AA to take the medicine, to cure her disease.
- If I fail to set healthy boundaries, I will become a doormat, and accept unacceptable behavior, and become resentful, angry, and irritable, without knowing it…
- If I do not practice the art of listening, intently, with an OPEN MIND, I will not hear, understand, and lose my ability to have choices, and choose a response, that is healthy and best FOR ME.
- These and many other problems, are OF MY OWN MAKING. The solutions are of my OWN choosing. I have the power to change this “stinking thinking”.
- What solutions have we found?
- Detachment
- Boundaries
- Acceptance
Eric concluded:
I can’t change the weather, the traffic, and I cannot drive the car in front of me. No matter how much I want to… I CAN change, my perspective, my outlook, and my attitude towards it.
There is a solution. I / we all, have the power to awaken within us, the courage to change, the things we can. And, I have come to know that that thing, is ME.
I will Let It Begin With Me.
Readings and Links
We read from How Al-Anon Works: p. 20 (in Chapter 4) Seeking Solutions for Ourselves, and Tradition 5, p. 113.
Spencer reflected on “Phase One” by Dilruba Ahmed, a poem about forgiving ourselves, which he heard on the podcast Poetry Unbound.
Gina told us about another Al-Anon podcast: www.al-anonuk.org.uk/podcasts
We were reminded of these other episodes:
- Freedom (241)
- Perspective (258)
- Enabling or Empowering? (261)
- Consequences (245)
- Resentment (196)
Feedback
If you have questions, comments, or shares on any of our episodes, you can call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
spencer (and eric!) thank you for another great show! I got soooo much from this. I just had a real quick question.. would you mind dropping a link to the poetry podcast that you listen to? specifically the one about forgiveness that you mentioned in the show? Thanks. Much Appreciated!
I have added a link in the show notes. I meant to put it there originally, so thank you for pointing out my oversight.
-Spencer
Thank you Payton..
Eric B.
Wow, wow, wow! What a great episode! So much relatable stuff and golden nuggets in here. I’m going back to listen again and take notes!
Thank you Spencer & Eric (and all guests, & those who share!) for doing these, they are truly a lifeline. ~Sue
As always, Spencer and Eric, I so enjoyed the podcast. Wonderful shares all. I could see a bit of myself in all of them, which is the point of sharing our ESH, right? Your podcast is such a blessing. I get so much out of every episode. I particularly enjoyed the share from the person whose sponsor “fired” them from jobs they hadn’t been hired for. Perfect!
HI, Spencer and Eric. Thanks for this episode. I listened to it last weekend, and then heard some share about this quote in a meeting the next day. I shared it with my partner who has been in NA for over 12 years, and they had never heard it. Do you know the origin of this line? I have tried googling it to no avail.
Thank you so much for your service and efforts to support recovery around the world.
I LOVE this episode. I quoted it in a share last week because it has been so powerful in my life. You mentioned a podcast on the topic and said it would be in the show notes but I am not seeing it. Thanks for what you do. Kate
Spencer and Eric – This episode is brilliant! It is so rich in so many topics into which I need to take a deep dive! Looking at the show notes for it (this episode is the first in which I’ve done this!) I realize how much I’ve been missing in each podcast. I especially like the poetry connections that give me new avenues to explore. Thank you for all the preparation for these shared podcasts as well as all the follow-up work involved in production. Forever grateful!