How can recognizing powerlessness over a child’s addiction make it easier to detach and not enable them?

Jacob joins us to tell his story and how he stopped trying fruitlessly to fix his son's addiction.

He picked a couple of readings from ODAT — Jan 29 and Feb 11, saying that they have been and are important in his ongoing recovery.

As I read Jan 29, it is about (not) enabling our addicted loved ones.  How has this reading spoken to you? How have you followed its suggestions? What benefits have you gained?

I see Feb 11 as speaking about powerlessness over our loved one’s addiction. How has this reading spoken to you? How has your behavior changed as a result?How have you gained by recognizing your powerlessness and the unmanageability of trying to exert control?

Readings and Links

We read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, Jan 29 and Feb 11.

Upcoming topics

An upcoming topic is The Effects of Recovery. What effects have you experienced in recovery? How do these contrast with the effects that alcoholism or addiction had on you? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the Show

Disturbed – Down with the Sickness
Tool – Right In Two
Tool – The Pot

5 comments on “A Son’s Addiction – 355

  1. Barb says:

    Hi Spencer
    I am a longtime listener first time comment, your podcast has helped me in multiple ways, I identify as a co- dependent, someone who’s someone else’s drinking bothers me and now an Alcoholic. My story is one of heartbreak , the relationship of 8 yrs which was formed in disease didn’t last , I am someone who will hang on to the bitter end , the other part of my story is so unbelievably beautiful, that part of the personal growth I’ve made in recovery, changing my thoughts & beliefs that we’re so deeply rooted was and is a tough but worthwhile journey. I know u recorded a podcast called Do u drink ? But I was wondering how many more people out there in Recovery, specifically in Al-Anon are like me ? I found a partner who drank more than me , blamed him for his “ problem “ pointed the finger daily, tried to manage & control him , all the while feeling that dark whole inside me .that soul sickness. I was not a daily drinker, I could even go out and have 1-2 and leave it , but I also WANTED more , Covid19 hit and I was left alone with myself… that’s when I finally faced the hard truth that I too was drinking to escape. I am coming forward to suggest a topic idea … Do u drink too much? I appreciate all u do , my condolences on the loss ur father ! My mom too has dementia your experience strength and hope has helped me tremendously! Love you and keep ur heart full !❣️

  2. Celia says:

    Podcast 355 was interesting. I too feel incredible guilt. I don’t feel I can totally detach from my son. He is a single father to an 8 year old. I care for her often therefore I see him often. And, seeing him, smelling the alcohol, seeing him shake isn’t something I want to see.

  3. Catherine W says:

    I just found and listened intently to Podcast 355. This story was like hearing myself tell the story of my 30 year old son! I’m almost at a loss to explain how gratifying and, at the same time, how sad it made me feel. To have this horrible disease overtake your child is almost paralyzing. I struggle with detachment and this narrative was so helpful. I have learned to love my son from a distance because the “addict” that has overtaken his sense of self has left him a shell of his former being. I wish he would return because I miss the person he used to be. I pray everyday for his sobriety. I very much appreciate this particular podcast and the courage it took to re-tell, re-live, and re-open such heartbreak. Thank you!

  4. Alicia says:

    Thank you so much Jacob. You’ve given me courage.

  5. Erin DeN says:

    Hi first time listening. My son is 18 and in active addiction. I’ve just started to attend meetings. Thank you for sharing this story. I so understand the feelings of this father. My son has been struggling since age 13. ❤️

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