Laurel S — Alcoholism Ended her Marriage — 383

Laurel's story begins: My wife was 6 years sober when we met – but not in program. “AA doesn’t work for me”. She remained sober another 6 years. After our first baby and a big move for my career (that put her closer to her family) she decided she “wanted to try drinking again. I think I can do it normally. I’m not the same depressed person I was in my 20s.” I was extremely apprehensive, and extracted all kinds of promises from her that if it became a problem, she would stop. But I also found it impossible to tell her “no” – how do you tell your spouse that you don’t trust them? And stay married? So in 2014, she began to drink casually. I didn’t know then, what I know now thanks to Al-Anon and AA – that this is the big delusion of all alcoholic – that they will someday be able to drink like other people can.

As you might expect, things did not get better from there. Her growing family was affected financially by choices her wife made. The hardest blow was when her wife withdrew from intimate relations. Laurel felt betrayed, but continued to try to keep her marriage going.

Listen to hear more, and what brought her to Al-Anon and the decision to ask for a divorce. At the beginning she went to 90 meetings in 90 days. She continues to attend meetings and work the steps. Laurel is now using the tools of recovery to take care of herself and her children.

Readings and Links

We read from Courage to Change, January 2, p. 2; June 3, p. 155; and October 7 p. 281.

A couple of podcast episodes that have particularly helped Laurel are episode 146, Emotional Safety; and episode 342, Co-parenting with an Alcoholic.

A listener recommended the book Mindfulness and the 12 Steps: Living Recovery in the Present Moment.

Upcoming topics

Our topic for next week is faith vs fear. How have you found faith, and how has it helped you let go of fear? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the Show

George Harrison — Isn't it a Pity
Fleetwood Mac – Landslide
Iris Dement – Let the Mystery Be

3 comments on “Laurel S — Alcoholism Ended her Marriage — 383

  1. Alison A says:

    I was truly moved by Laurel’s story. Thank you.
    So much of what she shared hit home with me. I’ve listened to this episode several times. I now need to drop the rope for good.

  2. Bryan W says:

    I really appreciated this episode. It rings so true for me. I was nodding my head throughout the podcast as Laura discussed each aspect of her relationship with her ex. Every point she made reminded me of the power that alcohol has on a marriage. Alcohol doesn’t leave any stone unturned in its pursuit to undermine, subvert and distort a relationship. This disease in insidious. Thank you for sharing your story.

  3. Amanda says:

    Thank you. Going through this right now with my spouse and have filed divorce. The amount of gaslighting (leading me to think it was my fault or that the episodes were result Of insomnia) and deflecting.. I am learning to drop the rope. I also have a child involved and he had a minor accident while blackout drunk. I had to file order of protection to have my spouse removed from home to protect our child. Thank you for this story and this episode as I needed to hear this.

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