It is always our own self that we find at the end of the journey.
Ella Maillart
What I find most beautiful about this quote is that it doesn't say that I need to be someone different at the end of the journey. What I see in this quote is that spiritual growth is not about changing into someone else, at all. It's about becoming more myself. This is something I feel is true with every passing day in recovery. Sometimes I think to myself that I'm not recovering, I am uncovering. That, I seek out the person I am under all of my fears and resentments and anger. I used to reject that person because I thought that person was weak and unloveable. I thought that acting on fears or anger makes me strong. But I realize that it's those anger-based actions that have brought me the most suffering because I am not being myself. I do not believe I am an angry person or a scared person. I am a person that can feel angry or scared, but basing my whole life on those two emotions has brought a lot of imbalance in my life. Once I became more aware of myself, I am able to feel fear and angry and choose to act out of love for myself.
A meditation for October 09,2013
Hard to Love – Lee Brice
Wow, this quote was just so succinct and beautiful: “Sometimes I think to myself that I’m not recovering, I am uncovering.” While I am told often by my alcoholic loved one and the committee in my head that I am becoming more boring and old because of the program (age 26, one year this month), I am now able to see through the cloud, uncovering the truth of who I am and what that means. It does not mean I am not bland and boring and “just like everybody else.” It does mean that I can now connect with other people when I used to feel alone. It does mean I don’t have to live in exhausting extremes all the time. And it does mean that I am maturing (slowly, mind you!). But that maturity is what makes me full and lively and happier and thoughtful. Now I can remind myself that I can choose the risks I take, that I’m not obligated to take the risks that are thrown at me. It’s wonderful to know that and I’m glad to be uncovering my adulthood with Al Anon.