Step 12 asks us to “practice these principles in all our affairs”. This has led me to a new insight into how Step 1 is active in my life today.
In a recent meeting, we read the Step 1 chapter from our book Paths to Recovery. I had recently returned from visiting my parents. I suddenly realized that if I substituted the word “dementia” for “alcoholism”, that the step took on new relevance to my life.
I got a suggestion for a topic of miracles or maybe coincidences. How have you experienced miracles or coincidences as messages from your higher power? Big or small? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com and share your experience, strength, and hope.
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Music from the show
Protomartyr: Ellen
Liz Longley: Unraveling
William Michael Morgan: I Know Who He Is
Spencer, thank you so much for your show. I have been listening for a little over a year. This show in particular really touched me. I’m currently sitting with my 99 year old mom who is on Hospice. They have given her just a few days. She has had dementia for the last 7 years. When she was diagnosed it was at the severe level so I’m sure she had it before we realized it. There were so many behaviors that I tried to help her with. She was an alcoholic and as the years went by I became her counselor and emotional support. It’s taken years to learn how to love her yet still care for myself and my family. Last year I read a fabulous book called Choosing to Forgive by Diane DeLong Clark. I was able to forgive my mom and realize that I didn’t cause it, couldn’t cure it, and couldn’t control it. What peace I had in forgiving her. I just did it. She didn’t have to earn it. Then with your show I’ve learned to take care of myself. Even in this moment of sitting with her as she passes away I have peace. Yes, dementia fits right in with Al-anon issues. It makes us try to control things out of our control. I’m so thankful for you and your efforts made to share your recovery. Listening to your show has made me stronger and be more determined to recover for my marriage and for being a parent. Thank you for your transparency, strength, and hope. You make a difference.
I was a bit late getting to listen to the episode relating Dementia to Alcoholism, but found it very “coincidental”. In January I rushed my 83 year old mother to the ER. It has been a long year of hospital stays, rehab facilities, a move to Assisted Living and finally hospice care. All very exhausting for our entire family.
She passed just over a month ago. In recent years, her short term memory had become almost non-existent and she often wondered why she couldn’t just move back home, forgetting that she had cancer and that her short term memory made her incapable of managing her own medications, among many other reasons.
There were 2 things that I kept in mind 1) “accept the things you cannot change” (her physical & mental condition and 2) that attempts to make her remember her diagnosis, prognosis & disabilities were futile and frustrating for me. But as you discovered, recalling old times was very pleasant and usually she remembered even small details. I used what time we had left to reminisce over old photos, play music that I knew made her happy and extracting information about her childhood, long lost relatives and family history while I still could. We ended up having many lovely conversations until just days before she passed. I am so completely grateful for the time we had together and for the Al-Anon program for giving me the tools to “let go and let God” during this challenging journey. Without the Al-Anon tools, I would have robbed myself of the gift of making the most of our last months together.
Verbal abuse
If you heard that being said to a friend . . what would you think? What would you do? I find I have to try to be as much of a friend to myself as I am to others.