Intro

[00:00:00] Liz C: The addiction show goes on and you never know if it's intermission, but it's never the end of the show. It's never the curtain call. Or at least we hope it's not because we fear that means that our loved one has died.

[00:00:12] Spencer: Welcome to episode 424 of The Recovery Show. This episode is brought to you by Nancy, Marianne, another Nancy, and Diane. They used the donation button on our website. Thank you, Nancy, Marianne, Nancy, and Diane for your generous contributions. This episode is for you.

[00:00:31] We are friends and family members of alcoholics and addicts who have found a path to serenity and happiness. We who live or have lived with the seemingly hopeless problem of addiction understand as perhaps few others can. So much depends on our own attitudes, and we believe that changed attitudes can aid recovery.

[00:00:49] Liz C: Before we begin, we would like to state that in this show, we represent ourselves rather than any 12 step program. During the show, we will share our own experiences. The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you like and leave the rest. We hope that you will find something in our sharing that speaks to your life.

[00:01:09] Spencer: My name is Spencer. I am your host today. Joining me today is Liz. Welcome to The Recovery Show, Liz.

[00:01:15] Liz C: Thank you, Spencer. I'm excited to be here.

Addiction's Little Sister

[00:01:18] Spencer: Liz, you brought me a reading that I'm not familiar with, but I guess people in Naranon, might have run into it before.

[00:01:25] Where did this come from and what is it?

[00:01:27] Liz C: This is the very first reading in the Naranon blue book, the pamphlet my group and I read from here. It's the first thing you read on page one. It's called the 24 hour program. It's from a Sanskrit poem, so I'd like to read it.

[00:01:44] Spencer: Yeah, please.

[00:01:45] Liz C: Look to this day, for it is life, the very life of life. In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of your existence, the bliss of growth, the glory of action, the splendor of beauty. For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow only a vision. But today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day. Such is the salutation of the dawn.

[00:02:20] Spencer: Thank you.

[00:02:20] Liz C: Yeah!

[00:02:21] One day at a time! That's why I like that, because it makes every day feel like the day. Today's the day.

[00:02:27] Spencer: Yes, today is the day. Look to the day.We'll share a couple of links, in the show notes@therecovery.show slash 4 24. One is to a slightly different rendition of the poem. I noticed as you were reading@allpoetry.com. A couple of words are different.and also a link to where you can get the Nar-Anon booklet.

[00:02:50] Liz C: Nice.

[00:02:51] Spencer: We're gonna get into a little bit what's happening to you now, but let's start with What it was like what happened?

[00:02:59] Liz C: Yeah. The general story,

[00:03:00] huh?

[00:03:01] Spencer: general story. Yeah

[00:03:02] Liz C: I feel like we all have our general story. We have the version we tell to people who are not in the club. And you, Spencer, are very much in the club. So I'll, I'll tell that version, I think.

[00:03:14] Spencer: Yes, please

[00:03:16] Liz C: when I was about eight years old, my brother had chronic health problems, my older brother, and, didn't know what was wrong, taking him to specialists and all these things that these nerve pain and, procedures and yada, yada.

[00:03:29] And when you have a 13 or 15 year old kid in a lot of pain, doctors, especially back then will prescribe pain medication. So I didn't know, and neither did my parents, that We didn't call it addiction. He was just a sick child who needed these things. and I think this isn't that unique of a story, but it all seemed very caught up in his medical problems more so than it being addiction. as a teen, as a kid watching him suffer and struggle and be so sick, he couldn't leave his room with genuine illness is how it started. watching him not graduate high school with all of his, friends, and more so as a kid watching my parents raise him and experience this and being the little sister of addiction. It was no one's fault, and yet everyone felt like it was theirs, and no one knew what was going on until finally he did a program, in Chicago, a great program called Edge that helps people in situations like this get clean and re emerge into regular life because all of those social skills, the first girlfriend he had, or didn't have, rather, and all of these things that didn't happen. so he re emerged in that program and went to college, where he was clean for the most part of the drugs that had plagued him his whole life, for the most part, what do we know? and I, throughout all of this, I can talk only about myself, I am trying to be no bother. So my experience as Addiction's little sister is to be No trouble at all because he was so much trouble, not his own fault, but sometimes it felt like it that I was going to be perfect. After a really bad day or my mom was in the ER with him all night, which would happen multiple nights a week, or I saw him nearly overdose in my house when I'm like a teenager, these horrible things that are happening. my mom would say, come here. Like I need some Lizzie sunshine. Because I had such fun things going on and I was in theater and I never got a B in school. I worked so hard. I had to be perfect to be no trouble at all. Later in life, his addiction has not gone away. It's just changed as it always does. He was clean from those initial drugs, but then got his first girlfriend in college.

[00:05:47] We were excited because she was a cancer survivor, similar struggles. we did not know she was a meth addict, so that was devastating because he was living with her, wasn't graduating college, despite being so darn smart. Way smarter than me, way funnier than me, just the unlucky one, I suppose. And that brings us to today.

[00:06:11] I mean, so many overdoses, so many near deaths, so many, I was the one who lived in Chicago because I went to Northwestern, so I was there and would go and help and be the one on the scene and be the problem solver and the what about this rehab and anyone listening to this knows, I didn't even know what Naranon was.

[00:06:30] I didn't know anything about recovery. I was in it. I was in it. And sometimes it feels like I still am. But now, he was incarcerated. for almost two years, he was in jail and in prison. He got out and things were looking good and we're back in the spiral, back in the ups and downs, back in the show that goes on is what I like to call it.

[00:06:52] The addiction show goes on and you never know if it's intermission, but it's never the end of the show. It's never the curtain call. Or at least we hope it's not because we fear that means that our loved one has died. And that's how I feel about it. Spencer, it was a long answer, but there you go. That's the long answer story.

[00:07:10] Spencer: Yeah, well it's also the short version

[00:07:11] becauseI'm interested if you could expand a little bit on the different ways in which his addiction affected you as you grew through different ages, because this started when you were what, eight or nine years old?

[00:07:29] And so at that point, what I heard you say is, you just tried to be not a problem.

[00:07:35] Liz C: Yes.

[00:07:36] Spencer: but also then your mom called you Lizzy Sunshine. you were apparently trying to be more than just not a problem.

[00:07:43] Liz C: Yes. Good catch, definitely. Um, was trying to be more than just not a problem. I think at first, and I need to give all credit to my parents, they were always trying to give me the most normal life. I was the younger sibling and there was an older daughter, my oldest sister, Catherine, she had already left for college.

[00:08:02] So I just happened to be the sibling who was home when all of this started happening. So I don't know when I was eight, if I was aware at all that it was. Bad in the beginning. I don't know that I was aware that I was trying to be perfect. I think that came later. I think they kept it fairly normal and I just got really used to hospital systems. The first takeaway was not being sunshine. It was just, I would take the bus from middle school to go hang out in the hospital

[00:08:30] and I am not afraid of doctors. I'm not afraid of needles. I'm not afraid of emergency. That's probably my first takeaway as an eight year old is that you can put me in pretty much any stressful situation.

[00:08:43] And I'm like, okay, someone's going to have to get surgery and Oh, seems normal. My so many procedures, so many surgeries, so much blood. We had barf bins in my car. Like nothing fazed me, I think is the big takeaway. And it made me brave. There's always positives with this, right? It wasn't until later, like early teen years, when I started being more aware of how mom and dad are feeling. I call it, all roads lead to, Is mom okay? Or is mom sad? Don't make mom sad.

[00:09:14] It's not intentional. You're a kid and your mom's the best. And my mom is the best. She still is. And it was just hard because you knew how sad she was. I might cry. You knew how hard this was. And she's also just trying to keep it normal for me. Lizzie is going to go, to musical practice and her, she has a band concert and she's doing this and that because we're a high achieving family. My brother, brilliant, the computer whiz, he's always been like a hacker and a computer programmer and he has such a mind. I don't know, I think I felt the need to carry the team for us both.

[00:09:50] This is a, an interesting note. when I was 13, I wrote a letter to myself and I keep it as my phone wallpaper sometimes when I need inspiration. And it's a letter to my 13 year old self and I'm writing to me when I'm graduating high school is what the letter was. And it just says I have a dog named Tucker, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. My brother George is sick. How is he doing now? Probably saving mankind. He's super smart. That's the full sentence about him. Everyone else got more. And he is. And it's hard to read that now. Like, how's he doing now? cause then he was just super sick.

[00:10:27] It wasn't addiction. And I don't even know that I called it addiction until, oh gosh, later on.yep, I don't know when the role became to Sunshine, definitely high school, when he didn't graduate high school and was still home, and I was in high school then, that was difficult. because you want to love him and be supportive, but he's sick, he's in his room in the dark because he's in pain,

[00:10:51] I don't really know what that was and I certainly didn't know it was happening in real time. You know, you never know the trauma is happening when the trauma is, happening. And my life was so normal and so filled. I had boyfriends and I went to school dances and I had my own dramas and I'm gonna go to college.

[00:11:09] It was as if my life were happening while his were paused and he was in a room upstairs and I filled the rest of the house. And the real hard thing is to think how that felt for him. eventually he went off to college. and then the role became, because I was in college as well, in the same city, my parents lived out of state from where we were both in Chicago.

[00:11:31] My parents were in Iowa. And, it became Liz on the scene. That's when the role shifted from Lizzie Sunshine at home and being supportive and perfect. no trouble at all, to being problem solver.

[00:11:46] So I think the positive skills I've learned from being Addiction's little sister, definitely delusional positivity. I am the most positive person alive. I am everyone's best friend. I am rooting for you. You can do no wrong. I know you're going to make it. Like that kind of energy. I'm great in a crisis. And I can problem solve with the best of them. Oh boy, can I find a solution? And sometimes it's a negative, right?

[00:12:13] You have

[00:12:13] someone who wants to just vent and say, oh, I had a bad day, but my brain immediately goes to, how can we fix it? I can fix that. I can fix that for you right now with a smile and a backflip actually.

[00:12:24] Spencer: I'm thinking about the traditional child roles in a dysfunctional family.

[00:12:32] and I'm hearing, I think I'm hearing hero. and I know from our earlier conversation that at some point, clown came in.

[00:12:41] Liz C: Yeah.

[00:12:42] Spencer: when do you recognize that aspect of yourself? At what point can you look back and say, Oh, this is when I started.

[00:12:50] it's not just, What were you saying about make mama, make your mother?

[00:12:55] Liz C: All roads lead to, is mom sad? Don't make mom sad?

[00:12:59] Spencer: Don't make mom sad. But when does it change from don't make mom sad to make mom happy?

[00:13:05] Liz C: I suppose that those are one and the same. I see what you mean. When it's not just avoiding sadness, however, creating joy or creating the opposite.

[00:13:15] Interesting to think about. Hero and clown. Those two resonate and definitely will come into play later. I think the toughest thing was. I would never have called my family dysfunctional. , ever. I wouldn't. And even to this day, I'm like, we're not really that, you know, it's in my brain. However.

[00:13:33] Spencer: so dysfunctional maybe is not exactly the right word,

[00:13:36] No, I think you're right. There was definitely functioning. That was not the usual

[00:13:43] Liz C: Yep. Different functioning. I agree. The dysfunction came as it does with the addiction.

[00:13:48] But had my brother not gotten sick, my childhood rocked. I was the luckiest duck. it was, idyllic, honestly. And that's what made it so difficult because I think it was idyllic for me and for my sister and in general that when this started happening, that's when this split came.

[00:14:07] The appearance and the continuation and the dream for idyllic to return or for this other idyllic to happen, and then the false truth part that either we couldn't accept or accepting would have made my childhood worse. So there's like kind of the real truth and then I don't want to say facade because that sounds so negative like we were faking it.

[00:14:29] But there is a bit of like I was never going to tell everyone at school the truth of what was really going on with my brother because it's beyond their comprehension. I knew names of drugs, prescription or otherwise, or procedures or otherwise, and nerves. I knew all of this medical information that my peers knew nothing about.

[00:14:47] That made me spend a lot more time, with adults. I always got along better with adults. I did theater in the community with people older than me, always. I spent more time with people older than me, and people always said, Oh, you're, you have an old soul, or you're so mature for your age. And it's like, well, of course. Of course, because you have to grow up when these things happen, and when you start managing other people's feelings around you, and trying to, oh, that might upset my dad, so we won't do that, we'll do this, or we'll bypass around it, you get tricky. You get smart, you get sneaky, and I think that's what made me, Good at improv comedy. Cause you can anticipate, you think that you have a super special power to anticipate people's needs and behaviors, and you can predict what they're going to say or feel, which is not true. And I've learned that in later life. But when you're 15, you are like, yeah, I'm super brilliant and smart and I can fix any problem.

[00:15:50] Yeah.

[00:15:51] Spencer: You alluded to the story changing,, we very quickly took it through your college years and up to now, and there was some mention of incarceration and so on in there for your brother, how did that affect you? What did you do in that time period?

[00:16:06] Liz C: Yeah. It still is a switch in my mind when you are asking me, how about you, Liz? My brain still jumps to the facts about him because that's what the switch was, in that time period. It had always been, Oh, hey mom, how you doing? Or hey Liz, how you feeling about this? And then you immediately say, George went to this place and blah, blah, blah, and this happened, then that happened and blah.

[00:16:30] And so even in my brain to tell you how it made me feel was never natural. It was just what was happening, not how it felt.

[00:16:38] Spencer: I totally remember when I was young in recovery.

[00:16:41] Liz C: Yeah.

[00:16:42] Spencer: You know, well, how are you? Well, she's doing this and that. No, how are you? Wait, what? What are you asking? I don't understand the question.

[00:16:50] Liz C: I don't have time for that. What do you mean how am I feeling? That doesn't matter. Yeah, oh gosh, I can totally relate. and I didn't mean to skip over that chunk, with the incarceration in college, cause that's actually probably the time it affected me the worst. that is when the, Hero, clown came out even more in different ways because I was no longer at home with my parents.

[00:17:11] I was now in college at a difficult college trying to do everything and work really hard and be this successful person and winner. And

[00:17:22] Spencer: the same time

[00:17:23] Liz C: And at the same time, I had a brother who was really struggling and who I loved and I didn't, meth heads was something that people said in a mean way in Iowa when someone was acting crazy. We knew nothing of meth. There's no history of addiction at all in my family. And suddenly, my brother and from this kind of sheltered Midwestern life, is in these circles and places I would never dream. I remember once he called me because it seemed he was suicidal and he asked if he could come stay on my couch. I was in college and I had never had him really call and ask for help like that.and he came and we watched TV and it ended up being okay. but then, I don't, we didn't get closer until he was arrested. Leading up to his arrest, I hated him. I was like, you are ruining yourself. it's not as like serene and calm to talk about the anger, but like a little bit F you.

[00:18:24] Spencer:

[00:18:24] you gotta talk about the anger.

[00:18:26] I had the anger, you had the anger, for someone like me, or you, maybe, coming into recovery rooms. If everybody's sweetness and light, I wouldn't have been able to connect.

[00:18:40] Like I've got to hear that people have these feelings.

[00:18:43] I've got to hear that people are like really pissed off at their loved ones, that they're angry at them, that they, that they hate them.

[00:18:50] because that is totally normal,

[00:18:54] Liz C: yeah,

[00:18:55] You know, I don't hate him, but there's moments when I've hated him.

[00:18:58] Spencer: Exactly.

[00:18:59] Liz C: Yeah I know what you mean. I agree. That's the times in Naranon when I relate the most when someone's just ranting I'm like, yeah. But in college I didn't have Naranon.

[00:19:08] And I didn't have friends who were going through the same thing. I will never forget I confided in a sorority sister a friend

[00:19:15] A little bit about what was going on during the time of the, arrest, which I can talk about how that felt for me.

[00:19:21] But I remember telling her and she was like, Oh my gosh, it sounds like an episode of Breaking Bad.

[00:19:30] Spencer: and in your head you're saying, yes, that's exactly it, or what?

[00:19:33] Liz C: In my head I was thinking, yeah, except for it's my actual life.

[00:19:37] Spencer: Except it's your actual

[00:19:38] life.

[00:19:39] Liz C: it's my

[00:19:39] actual life. No. And so I think that, that was interesting. And God bless her. She didn't mean anything negative by that. That's her frame of reference. And how lucky that's her frame of reference. But I learned more about the meth dealers of Chicago than any college kid should have known. I had to drive to these different trap houses, we'll call them, to pick him up and have people. , I always thought people were honest and people told the truth because that's how my family worked. And I grew up a lot. My naivete went a lot away during college and in those moments of going to these places and having other addicts lying or I would get messages on Instagram found your brother in this hospital, needs sisterly help, drive today, blah, blah, blah.

[00:20:24] And then I would like, call hospitals and try to locate him. He finally went to a rehab, an inpatient in Michigan because he just had to get out of Chicago. And it was so much before that happened, the stories and the sagas and some of it I think I've successfully blocked out of my memory. You have to.

[00:20:41] I remember it was like Christmas before COVID, Christmas, like 2019, our whole family got matching sweatshirts and drove to Michigan to his new sober living. And we went out to dinner and he's in rehab and everyone's feeling hopeful. And then fast forward to January, we get a call from sober living that he's nowhere to be found.

[00:21:00] And he's taken an Uber back to Chicago and we can't find him. And he was missing for a long time. We didn't know where he was. And then because I'm the one in Chicago, I get the Instagram message from some random person I've never met in my life. Hey, you know, your brother, I would check out this hospital, whatever. He was in ICU. He had the flu, he had COVID. We didn't know it was COVID then. He had full body MRSA, which he has to this day, covered in wounds. it's the worst thing you can see. And he was barely conscious and they moved him. He's the luckiest duck for this. They moved him out of Chicago proper because the beds were full in the ICU and they moved him up a County to a much nicer County. and it was in that hospital where I went and visited him. that he was arrested for possession because someone came, some creepy person in the dealing scene came to get his backpack and the nurses got scared and they searched it and the legal stuff is a bore, but it all happened two weeks before COVID lockdown. And I was working at a restaurant attached to the second city in Chicago. Cause I'm a comedian all of this time. I'm out there telling jokes and doing characters. I remember I had to drive from the ICU where he was, straight to a shift at the restaurant where I sold beer and pizza. And I remember the feeling, and you can't see me, I know it's a podcast, but the feeling of turning on and going, Hey, I'm Liz.

[00:22:25] Welcome to Rude's Pizza. After I had just had the most difficult, devastating time. And on the phone with my parents trying to be the middleman. And that is the best way I can describe how being Addiction's little sister has happened to me. I am a professional turn on the face. the clown and the hero it's like a auto switch and I can switch it on at any time. It doesn't matter how sad I am or the news I just got that he overdosed again. I have a show tonight, or I have a test in the morning, or I have It just turned me into, I can do it. I can fix it. That's okay. That's okay. and I don't know if I let the truth of the matter, I never let anything make me crumble. the worst could happen and I'm still okay. So I don't know if that's good or bad, but that's how I felt about it was just what choice do I have, but to keep going, we can't dwell on it. My parents are very positive. We can't, it doesn't pay to dwell. The good outweighs the bad. My dad always says, the bad times don't make the good times nothing, and we, we need to focus on the positive, and all the good things we do have, and not what we don't. I mean, truly, bless my parents, that's the language I was always being told. They were so positive and hopeful, and they still are.

[00:23:43] Spencer: I think one of the things that has helped me in recovery is that exact thing that your father says. That just because bad things are happening doesn't mean there aren't good things. you know, there's the whole practice of finding gratitude. Whether you're making a list or whatever it is you're doing, but finding gratitude.

[00:24:03] I've told this story before. My wife had relapsed. It was the middle of winter, I was at a meeting, it was before a meeting, I was talking to a friend, and I was complaining about how awful everything was, and she said, did anything good happen today?I had to pause for a moment, you know.

[00:24:21] I said, yeah,it was a beautiful, sunshiny day. The snow was all glittery and white and I got a massage and now I'm here at a meeting. Just taking that moment to recognize that there had been good things in the day changed my attitude for the rest of the evening.

[00:24:42] Liz C: Wow,

[00:24:43] Spencer: there's real power in that.

[00:24:45] and not to be, Pollyanna, like, Oh, everything's fine. Everything's not fine. But it doesn't mean everything's bad.

[00:24:52] Liz C: yes, that is the core of who I am, I think,I like to think that this experience and this life and this truth of my situation, it made me who I am, which is an extremely positive person and not positive Pollyanna just for the sake of la, nothing's the matter, it's Everything's the matter, and I'm here, and look at the sky, and I have so much love in my life, and I love my brother, and oh, what a funny TV show, it doesn't negate, the bad things really don't overshadow. I'm in comedy for that very reason, I think that's what comedy is, comedy is nothing if not finding the silver lining in tragedy.

[00:25:34] Because things are not funny unless they come from something real. And usually something real kind of sucks.

[00:25:41] Yeah, so talk a little bit about taking your experience as, I love this, Addiction's Little Sister phrase,and turning that into comedy, turning that into something that you are taking to other people. man. I don't think it was on purpose and I don't think I said, I know what I'll do. I'll be a comedian. I think it naturally happened. I'm not really all that old yet. I'm only 27 and I know that I will have more wisdom as I get older. so to answer your question of how it turned into comedy, it happened all along because my brother, My guy, he was way funny. He was the funny kid. He was much funnier than me. he could do voices and prank call. We would prank call people. And he just had this like dry sense of humor and this ability, even if you were pissed at him, he would smile. It's still true. And he just makes you laugh. So I think it all started, comedy wise, I was trying to be like him. I was trying to copycat him and be funny like him. And that's a little bit how it started, which I find sweet. and that happens in my show. But as it got older, I don't know if it was a way to cover up, if it's a way to relate to people. If you make people laugh, they like you and everyone wants to feel included and supported.

[00:27:07] There were some things that I wasn't telling people that were happening. and I don't think it was a conscious like, I'm going to lie to my friends, but I just didn't tell people everything. And so you gotta, Be funny. I don't know. I think part of it's natural. It's in the personality and because my parents are trying to keep positive, you make light. And I also just loved being on stage. Theater and going and doing plays and musicals and telling stories and doing all this stuff was such an escape. I loved it there. I loved it there.

[00:27:39] Spencer: I wasn't gonna say that word, but I'm glad you did.

[00:27:42] Liz C: An escape?

[00:27:44] Yes.

[00:27:44] it was! It totally was! Come on! I would leave school, I made myself and my family helped, the busiest kid. I had so many classes I took during the day, that before the day, I would go and do gym early in the morning before the school day started so I could take an extra class during the gym class period. And when school would end, I would get a ride and go to community theater across the river in Illinois. And I would have rehearsals nearly every night. I remember one time I was in four shows at one time.

[00:28:14] it was totally an escape. And I loved my, family. I loved my people there. they raised me along with my parents.

[00:28:22] It was not one or the other. It was like a different side. So that's why I have these different parts of me. And one part was raised on like hippie theater people where I spent a ton of time with these like kind of outcast, awesome, creative, artistic spirits. And that's where I learned that love. You can be anyone.

[00:28:42] You can dress up. You can play any character. And it was so immersive. I loved being in that world. And I felt so special. And like seen and taking care of. I loved it there. I think comedy started as an escape, or performing, and then I didn't think I was going to be a comedian. I thought I was going to be a big star and I'd be an ingenue, and I would, yada, yada, it became very quickly understood that I was always the comic relief, whatever the play, whatever the musical, you're going to go see Les Mis. I am not Éponine, I am Madame Thénardier, I am the comic relief, I am the, Carol Burnett, I always loved her, I

[00:29:25] Spencer: That speaks to my childhood.

[00:29:27] Liz C: Because, yeah, she would have been on the late night TV. You know, as the washerwoman or whatever. and a pure kind of funny, and I always loved that. My community theater in the teeny town, we did sketch comedy. We had a group called the Laughletes, and that's when I said I want to be on Saturday Night Live, or I want to do Second City in Chicago, and that's partly why I went to Northwestern.

[00:29:51] So I just always was a big dreamer, and I always was told I could do anything I set my mind to because my parents are cool. They believed in me more than I believed in myself, actually.when it was time for college, I lost faith that I could be a performer, not because I thought I was bad, but because it wasn't sure when it came to money.

[00:30:12] And that's the one part of being addiction's little sister, I don't think I've brought up yet. I watched my parents,dwindle. I have watched my brother die in slow motion, and I have watched my parents lose a lot of their sparkle, which makes me very sad. Not fully, it's still there, but they had so much in savings.

[00:30:30] We had a lovely home and in good standing and money didn't have to be as much of a stress. They're always frugal, but it wasn't stressful. But with all of his medical bills and expenses and surgeries and out of pocket and deductibles and all these words, they really don't have the money that they used to have.

[00:30:48] Now really struggling with other stuff, you know, it's not part of it, but it is part of it. I watched that happen. So I think when it was time to go to college, my own brain told me you need to do something more, logical or something more lucrative. You can't do that. My parents never said that they actually were surprised I didn't want to major in theater and instead chose economics. Can you imagine?

[00:31:11] Spencer: I mean, from what you said, it kind of makes sense.

[00:31:14] Liz C: makes sense. I was like, I have to. Be a success and I have to own a business or I have to do something. I'll be involved in the arts tangentially, but yada, yada.

[00:31:24] As you can probably guess, it didn't work out. I got so depressed. I hated it. I wasn't being true to myself and I kept finding, I don't know what this is in my own recovery. I this is probably also still part of my recovery is wanting to control and wanting to be in control. and I wasn't trusting anyone, but me, myself, and I. I had no real higher power in that time to speak of.

[00:31:48] I did as a kid and in theater, but when I got to college and was away and in Chicago, something switched and I wasn't being as authentic. I felt as though I was not enough, ever. I wasn't funny enough. I wasn't unique enough. whatever it is, I couldn't do it.

[00:32:06] Spencer: I feel like that is a common experience for people going to college.

[00:32:12] Liz C: mm hmm.

[00:32:13] Spencer: I came from a small school, I was at the top of the crowd, without trying, right? And then I got to college and everybody there was like me.

[00:32:24] Liz C: Yep, yep,

[00:32:25] Spencer: all of a sudden, I'm not the smartest kid in the room, you know, I have to work at it.

[00:32:30] So there might've been a little bit of that too, but also it sounds like choosing something that was not you.

[00:32:36] Liz C: That was the issue. Northwestern, too, was, such a pressure cooker. 10 percent of people get in. It was tough. It was cutthroat. It wasn't that my grades were bad. I pretty much got, The same kind of grades I was getting in high school. I was working my tail end off, but I wasn't, yeah, it wasn't being me or true to myself, but it was always like, look how good I'm doing.

[00:32:55] Look how busy I am. Look at this, look at that. And I don't know if it's an avoidance, of the truth. I also had started dating someone who had addiction problems. Oh yeah. Talk about that. That's been a thing throughout my life too, is that I gravitate toward, very avoidant types, which I think a lot of, addicts are, and, people who need fixing. And if only they would listen to me, who knows all, of course, brilliant, smart, and perfect. if you would listen to me, then your life would be better.

[00:33:25] Spencer: I didn't know that that was happening with my first real love and his issues with mental health more than addiction, honestly, but there was so much of that in college.

[00:33:33] Liz C: I don't know, I had no, I was disconnected from my higher power. I wanted people to think I was cool. That's an interesting word for me and now in recovery and in general, like, what does it mean to be cool? And what's the difference between cool and not so hot? Because for me in college, it was not so hot and I wasn't.

[00:33:53] I don't know what it was and the biggest shift didn't come even after college. You know, I did Second City and I'm living in Chicago and my brother is this is and that's and I have the dramas and I'm dating stupid people who are never going to be compatible with me and I don't know if it's, It is definitely related to being Addiction's little sister that I, I take big swings, high highs and low lows.

[00:34:18] Oh, I'll do that. Whoa. And then I'll do something and it's super duper high and exciting. And then like crash, bang, boom, it all falls down and we have to deal with the pieces. I think growing up this way, I got very used to extreme.

[00:34:32] And Being boring or run of the mill or normal. I'm not normal, so I have to do these big crazy things. My first time I ever stepped foot in a Naranon group was not until 2022.

[00:34:48] Spencer: So what got you there? What brought you to Naranon? ?

[00:34:51] Liz C: It's a cool story. I,in my humble opinion. A little bit of a backup. I think actually if I told this story a little bit more in full, it would give more, insight as to why, because it actually wasn't even to do with my brother. It was a new qualifier that had entered the scene, if you will. so I was living in Chicago I got a new day job working for this crazy, kooky boss who ran a tour company, walking tours, and I was an operations manager, and it was whatever, and I thought it was perfect, I can be an actor, I can be this. I met the lead historian and tour guide. And fell in love. I fell in love, of course, and the kooky crazy boss, I didn't know just how kooky and crazy until a little later. I had been dating the tour guide guy, fell in love, he loved raves and partying, and I pretended to like that so he would like me, and then he liked me, but then suddenly I had to keep up the facade I had created that he fell in love with. A very addictions little sister thing to do, may I add. Putting on the mask and then people liking that mask, and then realizing, oh shit, I have to do this mask every day now. I had to move. I moved to New York. The boss of the tour company offered me and my boyfriend of three months, the rave party boy, to move to New York City, live in an apartment that the company would pay for, And run a tour company.

[00:36:17] I would be the executive director of a walking tour company in a city I had never lived in. what could go wrong?

[00:36:24] Spencer: Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan.

[00:36:27] Liz C: that's what I thought. no, I honestly, I had a good head on my shoulders. I knew it was insane. And, never but, always and, I'm an improviser. Yes, and I can't turn down an opportunity to move to New York City and live for free. This seems like a once in a lifetime. I'm aware it could crash and burn, but who am I to say no and stay in my current life in Chicago that was fine, but it wasn't super me and it wasn't very brave. So I did the dumb or brave, they're usually the same thing. And I moved to New York City, a brand new city, and I moved in.

[00:37:04] I had never lived with a boy before, and now I live with a grown man who loves doing drugs, and I'm going to run a company. Perfect. Perfect for me. Why do I make these choices? And now I wouldn't. I would like to think anyway, I wouldn't make that choice, but I was not as healed at all then. I wasn't healed at all.

[00:37:23] I don't think. I thought I knew everything and I didn't. I was in therapy, but not for the right things. I was talking about boy problems and not about any of the, I wasn't ready to face it. I still wasn't fully telling the truth of what had happened with my brother. And even sometimes now, even in this podcast, part of me is Liz, I'm not sure you're telling your whole truth sometimes. Because it's so buried. It's so buried within me and the facades I've put on, to cover it up. I'm very good at that. I'm very good at managing other people's perception of me and of my experience. I'm trying to get better and the reason I got into Naranon was because I was dating that guy who used more drugs than I was comfortable with and would use them and not tell me or hide them in the house.

[00:38:08] And I didn't realize how it was killing me for that to be happening again. And I'm like, how did I get myself in this situation? A friend of mine at the time, her boyfriend had been going to Naranon for his sister. It was a zoom group cause it was all post pandemic. And he said, I started going to this, here's the zoom link if you ever want to go. And I went for the first time. And I cried and cried. I didn't know how to do anything. What's a qualify? I didn't know what the words meant. I remember there was a man in my group. Oh, I'm gonna cry. Talking about his son. And I was like, that's my, that's like my dad. And, feeling, so comforted that I am not weird.

[00:38:51] Yes.

[00:38:52] Spencer: It's not Breaking Bad. It's our life. And it wasn't just me anymore. And feeling oh my gosh, I can't believe it. I can't believe I never got to come here before. Why didn't anyone tell me? And why didn't anyone tell my mom and dad? And it was a relief. And I started going every week. And I bought the books and I would do the reading every morning, which I still do to this day. But that's 2022. How old was I? I was 25. Not even. It was 24. This started when I was eight. All of those years. First, not even being allowed in my own brain to call it addiction. So then suddenly, Being able to boohoo about it every Tuesday at 6. 15,No, I do.

[00:39:39] Liz C: and that's how it started. I was going more so at that point, I was talking more about my boyfriend who I was living with than I was about my brother, my OG qualifier. I don't think without the strength of Nar Anon and being a little more in touch with my higher power then, now I'm much more, but back then, I don't know that I would have been able to leave the relationship or been brave enough to leave the company. But I did, I did both. And I said, I can't be with you and I can't live here. I know the apartment is free and I moved here with you.

[00:40:12] But after about nine months of living with him and living in that situation, all of my hair started falling out. I was miserable. I, everything spiritually, physically, sick, everything. It was like, Lizzie, you gotta get out. And the minute I made the decision, everything fell into place.

[00:40:31] An apartment in my budget in a neighborhood I wanted to live in, Hell's Kitchen, became available. I was offered a job teaching improv classes. The universe gave to me signs and gifts that I had made that choice to choose myself and to accept the things I cannot change and that I can't change anyone.

[00:40:53] I can't change anyone but myself and I can't change anyone's perception of me. And that is so freeing because that was my full time job. That was my full time job before that. I think of the version of myself living in that apartment with my ex, or I think of my 13 year old self or 16 year old self the night that I first saw him close to overdose, and I think of her and I just want to curl her up into a big blanket and be like, I got you now, I've got you. And that's really what it has felt like being in recovery. it's not about anyone else. It's about me and little Lizzie, and little Lizzie sits with me, and we sing songs, and I tell her I love her, and I tell her that it's not her fault, and I, I take care of her in a way I never, knew or allowed anyone else to.

[00:41:45] I'm not going anywhere and I tell myself that a lot because I'm in this industry that's very cutthroat and I'm doing comedy and I'm trying to do all these things and market myself and I'm taking the biggest leap of faith on myself. But I know it's going to work out because I have little Lizzie and we sit together in a blanket and we accept the things we can't control and we control what we can and we say the serenity prayer in the morning and we do things like talk with Spencer on the recovery podcast. I

[00:42:16] Spencer: Wow. Liz, you want to take a minute to

[00:42:18] Liz C: should not cry on the podcast? I thought it was

[00:42:20] part of it, Spencer. I

[00:42:21] thought it was part of it.

[00:42:23] I just thought you might want a minute, Yeah, sorry to everyone listening at home. I am, I'm a big crier. Big feelings. That's another gift of being Addiction's little sister. I'm a bit of a drama queen. I love big feelings. I love colorful rainbows and big things and I'm like a little cheerleader, I cry a lot.

[00:42:41] Spencer: I want to shift gears here a little bit. Only a little bit. Because, what I know and what, our listener doesn't know yet is that you have put together a show

[00:42:52] Liz C: Yes,

[00:42:53] Spencer: based on, I think what you said to me a couple weeks ago was being a cheerleader for addiction. I like Addiction's Little Sister also.

[00:43:03] so tell us about this.

[00:43:05] Liz C: oh, I would love to. I'd love to talk about that. This year, 2024, was a massive year for me. I started the new year deciding it was going to be different. And I was going to try to lean into creativity. And on January 9th, I saw a one woman show that someone else did I sat and I was watching and I said, what would I do if I did a one woman show? And I had just got a new notebook that day and I started writing it all down. I have the notebook. I use it on stage now in the show that I perform around the country in the same calendar year. And I wrote down Addiction's little sister actually came up. Make'em Laugh, Lizzy Sunshine, and then these different parts of my life and these different kind of characters I've played, and I wrote it all down, and I had no idea what any of it was gonna mean.you can't predict these things, with creativity and being an artist and a creator, it's the exact same as recovery, in that you have to let go and let God. Because when you do, is when what was supposed to have been created comes out. If I sat at my computer or my notebook and said, I'm gonna create the most brilliant one woman show that'll touch the hearts and minds of children across America, I could never, come up with anything real or good. If I sat and I give myself a prompt. What's something that makes you cry or what's something that makes you smile? And you just start writing. that's what happened. I did The Artist's Way. I highly recommend it. We can link that in the notes and I don't get money from it, but it's a great book.

[00:44:41] And Spencer, you should try it. I think everyone should do The Artist's Way because everyone is an artist. And it helps you write.You journal actual handwriting, three pages a day. And there's corresponding readings with it, and it's extremely spiritual. Between that and Nar Anon is how I really got in touch with the universe, and God, and my higher power, all of the things we call it. I got a little woo, if you will, with all of that.

[00:45:08] Because it started flowing out of me. I started writing and then I would try something and my friend recommended this guy who talks about one man shows and I met up with him, come to find out his brother was an addict and he thought it was this idea and this was that and suddenly we're crying at a coffee shop with our laptops. Like I don't, it all unfolded exactly how it should have and it turned into an hour long one woman show. Called Lizzy Sunshine. Which is because my mom always said I need some of that Lizzy Sunshine. It became this show within a show and I like to say addiction is the show that goes on and my role is sunshine. My role as addiction's little sister is cheerleader as sunshine with the motto of chin up. I did this show in New York City in April. I did a little mini version and the theater liked it so much. They asked me to come back and do the full version. So I did. And then I decided to take it back to my hometown and do it in Iowa. And I did. And then I just did it again in New York, 105 people on a Monday at 930 came to see Addiction's Little Sister. And the coolest part of my show, I think, is that it's not sad. it is and it's not. I don't tell people it's about addiction, really. It comes out. but the show is called Lizzie Sunshine. I can read you the description. With her co-star unaccounted for, ever positive, Lizzie Sunshine carries a Vaudevillian Double Act alone. This show within a show ends with a twist revealing the farcical fate of addiction's little sister.

[00:46:55] Spencer: Now you're making me cry.

[00:46:56] Liz C: Oh, Oh. that's the show. It's the feeling. It all starts with a big grand and costumes and it's so exciting. It's gonna be these two characters, Lizzie Sunshine and Georgie Storm. And they're doing a play called Two Sides of a Coin. And they're veterans. They've done this show forever. People come to the theater to come and see these two. Tonight's a big night because the reviewers are here and the producers and it's the biggest night for the show. The show starts and the big reveal, Lizzie Sunshine opens the curtain, big spotlight. No one's there. But that's okay. That's okay. He's not here yet. He's just running a little late. No problem. I can cover. That's all right. I can do his parts. That's fine. So then Lizzie Sunshine does his parts. And then the show goes on because addiction is the show that goes on, but we don't call it addiction.

[00:47:48] No one knows. It's just, oh, he's running late. That's poor girl. That's too bad. The show goes on, more things go wrong. The set is gonna fall apart and she has to do this character by herself and this is a duet dance and she has to do it alone. Alone, alone, alone. Until finally the show is interrupted by a call from the Lake County Correctional Facility because he's been arrested or whatever, what have you, you can fill in the blank. And there's this, I call it, this meltdown at the end.

[00:48:22] And in the show, Lizzie Sunshine, I allow the character to do for herself what I, Liz Coin, do not do. Which is fall apart and quit and give up.Lizzie Sunshine has a meltdown. He's not coming and it's no fair and addiction is the show that goes on and on and I've been in this show since I was eight years old. It ends on a hopeful note with the audience can bring Lizzy Sunshine back to life if the audience sings The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow from Annie by themselves. So you get a room full of a hundred people on a Monday night who didn't know it was about addiction singing The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow to Addiction's Little Sister.

[00:49:02] It brings her back to life. And the show ends just as it begins with places for the show that I say, what? And the audience says, goes on. And just like a nightmare, which it is, the show starts with the same as it ends, and it's a cycle. And it's as if the show happens on a loop, and you just happen to see Lizzie Sunshine that night, but it happens every night.

[00:49:29] Spencer: When you were telling me about this before, I wanted to ask, I did ask, most of the audience is what we might say normies, right?

[00:49:36] Liz C: hmm.

[00:49:38] Spencer: what kind of a response do you get? And clearly if they're singing to you, you're getting a response. If people come up and talk to you after or whatever, what do you hear?

[00:49:48] Liz C: Yeah. I get different responses. When I very first did it, you know, the show is ever changing. I'm still modifying it. It's not done. It's not perfect. And sometimes in my brain, I'm like, it's not funny. It's bad. It's never going to go anywhere. But I'm not going to give up. The response from the audience. I specifically remember in July, I did it over the summer, people said I had no idea. People who knew me, I had no idea. Is this true? Is this based on your real life? I'm like, yeah, what? You thought I just made it up? That's crazy. People, think that it, oh, addiction must just be the hot button issue you decided to do for your, no, of course it's me. So that was my funny takeaway that people didn't know it was true. Usually I have a few people who will come up to me in tears and say thank you, and those are the most special moments because even if you are not Addiction's little sister, someone in your life, someone in your life, is an addict, or makes you feel helpless or hopeless, or you have felt like you are carrying the team for them in some way, and you're carrying the show and you're tired and you don't want to anymore.

[00:51:03] You don't want to put more glitter on your face and go out there tonight. You don't want to do the show. I think that's been the biggest takeaway from audience members besides just Oh, you were so funny. Cause let it be known. The show is not sad. I put that in the show description.

[00:51:17] And when I pitch it to theaters, I promise it's not sad. Addiction's Little Sisters motto. It's not sad. It's not sad. And of course it is, but it's not. And that the bulk of the show is just comedy and it's funny and it has a dark undercurrent, but it doesn't reveal till the end. So people said, I didn't see that coming.

[00:51:35] I didn't know. I love it. it's so funny. It's so relatable. I get cool reviews. I haven't had anyone be mad that it's about addiction. I don't think anyone's like weird about it. If anything, they just they wouldn't get it, but I'm going on and on. I don't know. I get different reviews.

[00:51:53] You talk and then I have another story about it because I just did it in Minneapolis.

[00:51:57] Spencer: Okay. I will. I'm going to pull out something from my teenagerhood. Emerson Lake and Palmer, a prog rock group, have a song called Karn Evil 9. The lyrics start out,

[00:52:07] Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends.

[00:52:12] We're so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside.

[00:52:16] Come inside the show's about to start, guaranteed to blow your head apart.

[00:52:20] I can't get that out of my head now. You're talking about the show that goes onand I just connected it there

[00:52:28] Liz C: Huh.

[00:52:30] Spencer: That was something that was definitely on my turntable, and I mean turntable because it was 1970, whatever, in college over and over.

[00:52:40] Liz C: Very cool. I love that. That lyric is exactly how it feels and you can relate to how it feels because like your day doesn't end. Just because the addict in your life had a bad day, you still got to put your shoes and socks on and walk out the damn door. Your show goes on alongside their show and I have felt like addiction It's always about the addict. And I understand why. It can be very cinematic, the addict's life, and we surround ourselves so much with their story, and it's all their story. And this show was the first time I was like, what if I told my story? What if I answered Spencer's question? How does that make you feel? So my comedy show is how it makes me feel, or had made me feel for years. that I had to perform Joy and Sunshine when I really wanted to just quit. I didn't want this to be happening.

[00:53:43] Spencer: And in the show she does quit.

[00:53:45] Liz C: she does. and sometimes I, I'm like, should I keep that? Should I change it? It used to be that I sat down, I quit, and I say, I quit. And then I ask them to give me my Sunshine back. In this last adaptation, I changed it where I die. I, collapse in a heap and go, and I fall to the ground. And then there's a screen behind me that says, Lizzie Sunshine has died.

[00:54:07] And then it crosses out died and says, passed away.cause we can't be too negative. passed away. She has, used up all her sunshine and overheated her generator.So basically, it's your fault she's dead. Wow. Or something like that. You killed her. The only way to bring her back is to give her a little bit of hope. Will you sing The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow from Annie? I know. Brilliant. It's a little video. And then people sing. And that's how it ends is you can bring back to life this person and you can bring yourself back to life with hope.

[00:54:44] That's what all of these programs we do, all of these meetings we have, all of it is just hope. It's all hope because what is the alternative? What is the alternative to hope? If someone has an answer for me, that sounds better. Great. But I would rather believe in God. I would rather believe in my higher power. I would rather believe in hope. And then, If I die, and I'm proven wrong, and it really all is nothing, and it's all random, and it's all doom and gloom, I do not believe I will regret having lived a life of hope in that moment when I find that out. I fully believe that.

[00:55:23] Spencer: thank you. I have nothing to add.

[00:55:25] Thank you, Liz, for those beautiful words and for bringing your sunshine with you today, really.

[00:55:31] Liz C: thank you, Spencer.

[00:55:32] Spencer Sunshine, because everyone's had to be Sunshine, I'm sure.

[00:55:38] Spencer: We will continue after a short break with our lives in recovery, where we talk about how recovery is working in our daily lives.

Song 1

[00:55:45] Spencer: But first, I asked my guests to bring songs that are meaningful to you in recovery. And I just love the introduction I get to maybe sometimes. something that I'm totally am not familiar with at all, which I think this first one, I don't think I've heard of it or the artist.

[00:56:05] So tell us about your first song.

[00:56:07] Liz C: Nice! I love that. my first musical selection is by a band called Bleachers. And the song is Isimo. Bleachers is one of my favorites, so definitely check them out, Spencer. It's a newer song. It came out just this year. And this song feels like a love letter to my, inner child. That 13 year old who wrote the letter about her sick brother. in my brain, Lizzy Sunshine in the show is about 13 years old. And I love this song. Some of my lyrics in it that really spoke to me. it's a talking about a childhood you'll always mourn. You believed in every maybe. Sha la la, it drove you crazy.

[00:56:49] Tough as nails and built for breaking. But you were just a kid when they told you you'd been born to bleed, little soldier. With your garden heart and sentimental boulder, it pulled you down. But look at you, you made it out.

[00:57:02] I love , you made it out. you carry everyone's shame, but you're moving like a river and you don't wear an inch of the shame.

[00:57:09] The song itself really feels like, look at you little one, look at you now, I've got you. So I love this song and it, it speaks to recovery for me anyway.

[00:57:20]

Our Lives in Recovery

[00:57:20] Spencer: In this section of the podcast, we talk about our lives in recovery. How have we experienced recovery recently? I'll give you a little break since you've been talking a lot. I have a little mixed bag this week. I was sharing my experience, strength and hope at a meeting recently.

[00:57:43] Liz C: You know, the story, the 15 minute version of the story. I got the five minute version, the 15 minute version, the one hour version, And the lifelong version.

[00:57:51] Spencer: The lifelong version. Yeah. Right. But for some reason I was thinking about how the alcoholism in my family had affected me. I've always recognized, when I started to become aware, when I started to wake up in this program, that I had a rage problem.

[00:58:12] I did not really take the time to think about how far back did that rage problem go. I will say that my wife's alcoholism came on slowly. She feels she always drank alcoholically, but it didn't really start to become a problem until our kids were, oh, three or four.

[00:58:30] I came into Al Anon when they were eleven. So it's seven or eight years before I came into Al Anon. I can pinpoint a moment and it's probably not the first one, but it was the earliest one that came to me where I was yelling at my boss on a phone call, about something that felt very important at the time, something to do with work, but I was justout of control. The emotion that I was putting into that thing in the moment.

[00:58:58] And of course, I got called on it and I had to apologize and say, I don't know why that happened. Now, it won't happen again. Right. Six years before I came to Al Anon. Just a couple of years after the alcoholism had started to really rear its head.The effect on us is often, as evidenced by this incident, not clear, not evident.Denial is so easy. I don't know. I just was, I so worked up. I don't know why. I, it won't happen again. Yeah. So when I think about how many times I heard it won't happen again from the alcoholic in my life.

[00:59:40] And how many times did I say it won't happen again to the people that I raged at, like my children? there's a real parallel going on there and it's not a pretty one. Thank God for recovery. Okay. I knew things like that had happened, but I hadn't really thought about how long a period of time it was, that I was in that rage state. Oh my god.

[00:59:58] I have often touched on acceptance,in my recovered life. I had surgery a couple weeks ago. It was not for a life threatening condition. It was for a quality of life condition. There are things that are a consequence of the surgery that will presumably go away, butmy life is not normal for the next few weeks.

[01:00:21] Both in terms of things that I can't do and in terms of things that my body is requiring me to do that I didn't know was gonna happen.and I just have to go with that flow. I have to accept that. And I just wanna put in a plug here. Those of us who were born with a prostate need to take care of it. if you were born with a prostate and you're not taking care of it, please do. In my case. Like I said, it was quality of life, but without knowing that, could very easily have been life threatening.

[01:00:53] It does have to do with recovery because we don't talk about addiction that's happening in our lives. We don't talk about health problems that are about potentially embarrassing things. You know? and when it is something that could kill you, we need to actually talk about that.we need to say, talk to your doctor. Get a checkup. Whether it's, your prostate, or your ovaries, or your breasts.

[01:01:20] whatever.take care of yourself, okay? Hey, that's something I learned in recovery too. Take care of myself.

[01:01:27] Liz C: I love that. Thank you for sharing. And I think that's so important to talk about the things that feel a little uncomfortable to talk about because everyone is also having it. And like the person who's brave and says this is happening to me, is this happening to anyone? Or you should check this out.

[01:01:42] It allows for the rest of the room or everyone else to be like, Oh yeah, me too. And there's such a power in that. Me too.

[01:01:48] Spencer: These things happen and they happen to more people than you think they happen to.

[01:01:52] How is recovery working in your life?

[01:01:54] Liz C: Yeah, recovery in my life is working this week. we just had Thanksgiving and I was home for Thanksgiving with my parents and brother. Every time I'm back home, things can come up being back in that house. It's the same house, the same environment. I found recovery was working multiple times where I would have said something snarky and I just didn't say anything or, or I did say something when something came up when I would have held my tongue before.

[01:02:22] So I noticed it a little bit just in the general peace of being back home, which sometimes is less than peaceful, but was positive this time, and the acceptance that I, just because I'm in Naranon in recovery, not everyone is, and I want them to be, but that's also not up to me. So that was good.

[01:02:40] And, oh man, the show that went wrong in Minneapolis. I did Lizzie Sunshine at a theater in Minneapolis. I was very excited because I have family there and, I had, I sold 50 tickets, which in a city where you don't live, pretty darn good. 50 tickets, I think, at a comedy club. So I was doing the show, and the show has a lot of tech requirements with video and pictures and audio and songs and all this stuff. And the guy Who ran the tech booth. I do not know what was going on with that man. Something was up. He was operating on like 0. 5 speed. Something was strange with him and he basically messed up everything there was to mess up. His light board broke, his projector wasn't working. He didn't know how to do my cues.

[01:03:25] I don't know how he had a job there truthfully. And I'm nice. I'm being nice. I really am. He messed everything up and I basically had to, 10 minutes before the show was going to start, I had to call it and be like, all right, we're going to do it without the projector. I'm going to wing it.

[01:03:41] I'm going to improvise and give me 10 minutes in my dressing room to get my head on. So I went to my dressing room to get my head on. I'm waiting down there. He comes in. Knock, knock on my door. Hey, three minutes to show. By the way, I'm really sorry. He had never apologized up to that point. Really sorry. I was like, that's all right. Let's just do the best show we can. He goes, can I get a hug? And I'm like, are you kidding me? It was a movie. I was like, this is unfathomable. And I had to be like, Liz, just, you just got to do the damn show. And so that is so funny. Cause that's the true nature of Lizzie Sunshine is when everything is going wrong. When it's like, can I get a hug? No, Jeremy! Like, when you're just feeling, up to your eyeballs and you just want to yell, but instead the show has to go on. I suppose that was recovery at work, because, I didn't let that tip me over. Other people were like, oh, I can't believe you still did the show.

[01:04:34] Of course I still did the show! It was never a question. 50 people bought tickets. that was a cool moment where I was like, oh, Liz, you are made of pretty strong stuff that, things don't really tip you over very easily.

[01:04:45] Spencer: The show must go on,

[01:04:46] Liz C: Show must go

[01:04:46] on.

[01:04:47] Spencer: does never end.

[01:04:49] Looking forward in the podcast. Still working on the steps. Let's see, Step 5 came out a little while ago. I have to say I'm about three episodes ahead recording. So, by the time you hear this, I'll We will have step six and a couple of other people, including you, Liz. But I'm still looking for guests to talk about steps 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, hopefully in that order.

[01:05:18] we welcome your thoughts. You can join our conversation. you can leave us a voicemail or send us an email with your feedback, your questions, your experience, strength, and hope about steps.

[01:05:28] Liz, how can, people contribute? How can they send us feedback or share their experience, strength, and hope?

[01:05:34] Liz C: You can send a voice memo or email to feedback at. therecovery. show. Or if you prefer, you can call and leave us a voicemail at 734 707 8795. You can also use the voicemail button on the website to join the conversation from your computer.

[01:05:54] We'd love to hear from you, so share your experience, strength, and hope, or your questions about today's topic of me, Addiction's little sister, and many of you I'm sure, or any of the upcoming topics, including steps 7 through 12. If you have a topic you'd like us to talk about, let us know.

[01:06:12] If you would like advance notice for some of our topics so that you can contribute to that topic, you can sign up for our mailing list by sending an email to feedback at therecovery. show. Put email in the subject line to make it easier to spot.

[01:06:27] Spencer: Our website, as you might have guessed, is therecovery. show. We have information about the show there, mostly the notes for each episode. and in those notes, we'll have links to the books that we read from our talk. about, videos for the music that, in this case, Liz chose. And also you can find there links to some other recovery podcasts and websites.

[01:06:50] And I want to say, I think I'm going to add, the CarnEvil 9. I found a wonderful live performance, so I'm going to put that one up. And also the sun will come out tomorrow. we got to have it there,

[01:07:02] Liz C: I almost did it! I almost did it, but I picked songs that were more about recovery, than just about my show.

[01:07:08] Spencer: So we'll have five videos there.

[01:07:10] And I also generally put together a Spotify playlist for those of you who prefer Spotify. We are the recovery show on Spotify.

[01:07:17] Liz C: Love it.

[01:07:18] Spencer: Not the podcast, just the playlist. A lot of the earlier episodes, there's a full playlist of songs that we might have chosen along with the ones we did.

Song 2

[01:07:27] Spencer: what song have you got for us next, Liz?

[01:07:29] Liz C: My choice was Sunshine On My Shoulders, by John Denver. This one maybe seems obvious because I'm Lizzy Sunshine after all, but it just feels like such a loving, warm hug. And I really wish that I could give my sunshine.

[01:07:47] If I had a day that I could give to you, I'd give you a day just like today.

[01:07:50] I feel that a lot with my brother in the unfairness of addiction and it just sucks. In my show I say, it could have been me, it could have been you, it could have been any of you, it might be some of you. Addiction doesn't care how loved you are, doesn't care who you are, nothing. I have so much sunshine in my life and on my shoulder and this song is when I want to give that to my loved one.

[01:08:12]

Listener Feedback

[01:08:20] Spencer: We got a couple of emails and a couple of reviews this week.

[01:08:24] Heather wrote, Hi Spencer. I'm scrolling through and wondering if you've done a show on when the alcoholism is too difficult for most of us to bear and we don't continue to be in the relationship. Not necessarily a lover or spouse that you divorced, but anyone, parent, colleague, anyone.

[01:08:41] We do have some episodes where the person sharing, has left a relationship, the second episode with Laurel, which was number 402 about gossip, episode 358 with Pat about Al Anon after divorce, and 356, domestic violence and other unacceptable behavior with Kathy, and there probably are others.

[01:09:06] Heather wrote back and said, well, in my case, it was my parent. And I don't think we've done that one. If you have that experience and you'd like to share it with the recovery show audience, let me know and we can set up a recording time.

[01:09:24] John writes.

[01:09:26] Good morning, Recovery Show hosts. I finally found myself in Al Anon about six months ago, admittedly about five years later than it should have been, but oh well, better late than never.

[01:09:36] Like many in Al Anon, I began to attend because all the things I had been doing to, quote, fix my relationships, including the belief slash hope that when my loved one got sober three years ago, all would revert back to happiness, hadn't been working, so I needed a different strategy. At the start, I only attended one meeting a week, and, while I have two regular ones I attend now, that hasn't been enough.

[01:09:57] The positive energy I receive from each meeting had usually dissipated before the next one. Consequently, I began to search for any Al Anon or even general recovery based podcasts. I came across The Recovery Show about two months ago, and it has truly been a blessing. While I listen to a couple others intermittently, this one is my go to, as it has been so relevant to me.

[01:10:18] Instead of keeping up, I'm playing catch up, as I started listening from episode one, and will eventually get to the most recent one. But that's fine. I like that I'm doing it this way, as I'm not waiting for new episodes to come out, and I can listen to the show every time I'm in my car, and it's kind of like getting an extra five or six meetings a week.

[01:10:35] Because of that, the waxing and waning of positivity that occurred between my meetings has become a lot more even keeled, and for that, I truly thank all who have contributed to the episodes I've listened to thus far. More importantly to me, though, almost every episode I've listened to has hit on something directly related to my life and or my situation.

[01:10:52] And on more than one occasion, the episode that queued up was one whose topic related to particular struggles or stumbling blocks that I was experiencing right at the time. As an example, episode 36, yes, I get that this shows how much more listening I have to look forward to, on self acceptance slash self esteem came up earlier this week when I was in an especially down time regarding my own self love and self esteem, but the thoughts and shares helped me look at myself and what I was doing differently, and I experienced a bit more recovery.

[01:11:21] I'm calling those higher power moments. I still have a long way to go, but step by step, right? I'll end with a thank you to how open and vulnerable you've all as hosts made yourself during the recordings. The honesty, thoughtfulness, and emotion that goes into your insights, many of which I suspect have not been easy to admit or share, have been inspirational to me, especially as it relates to my efforts in going through the steps.

[01:11:44] Again, I'm early in my journey, but as is the case with my Al Anon friends from my regular meetings, every one of you as hosts are most welcome members of the team who support and encourage me in my journey to become the best me that I can be.

[01:11:58] I can't say that this email is in response to a particular episode or topic, so consider it a five star review if you wish, because that's what I would give you.

[01:12:06] In the spirit of the season, I wish you all happy holidays and blessings in 2025. Please keep recording and I'll keep coming back. Again, my most sincere thanks for what this show has been for me,

[01:12:16] John B. in Kentucky. thank you, John. And yeah, you've got a lot of listening to do. I might suggest, that you check out episode 422 with Shannon about loving ourselves.

[01:12:29] Of course, you're not going to hear this till you get past that episode. I'll send that suggestion to you in email so you can check it out earlier if you want to do that.

[01:12:37] Thanks for writing.

[01:12:39] Got a couple of reviews on Apple podcasts.

[01:12:41] One from somebody signing themselves Axe Bass Ninja.

[01:12:47] I assume they're a bass guitar player. They wrote, college level learning Al Anon. This podcast has elevated my recovery in countless ways. I go to meetings in real life and those meetings create meaningful connections with people, but this podcast feels like an online college course in Al Anon. I'm grateful to Spencer and the guests for aiding my recovery.

[01:13:07] And the second one titled Medicine for My Soul from Laura on Recovery.

[01:13:12] I've been attending Al Anon for four months now. With three qualifiers in my life, I did not know how much I needed the program and this podcast. I listen to your podcast most every morning along with time in my Bible and in Al Anon daily readings.

[01:13:25] My word for the year is peaceful, and this podcast gives me a peaceful start to my day. Thank you for your service. P. S. I'm in West Michigan, so hello to my Ann Arbor friends. And that's it for today.Liz, I want to thank you again for joining me today for sharing your experience as Addiction's little sister.

[01:13:45] I'd like to ask you, is there a place that a listener can go to find out more about your show, about where you're going to be presenting it, or whatever, they might want to know.

[01:13:58] Liz C: absolutely. thank you, first of all, for having me and giving the space for this. I didn't know things like this existed before and I'm so thankful, for my recovery and for you. and anyone listening, please, yeah, give me a follow on all social media. You can find me at Liz Coin, just like it sounds, Liz Coin, like a penny. and my website also is just Liz Coin. So you can find all things Lizzy Sunshine at LizCoin and LizCoin. com. And if you live in a city and it has a cool comedy theater and you think it'd be very cool for Lizzy Sunshine to come do a show there, let me know. Send me an email or message me on social media because I am constantly looking for new theaters and places to bring my show to. I am very much a one woman show. I'm a traveling show. I show up with a suitcase and I make it happen. So if you want to see Lizzie Sunshine in action, message me. I'd love to talk to you.

[01:14:59] Spencer: Thank you. I hope that, brings a few people out.

[01:15:01] Liz C: Yeah.

Song 3

[01:15:02] Liz C: My last song I picked had to end on a good, high energy one, so I picked Higher Love by Whitney Houston, the Kygo version. It's very upbeat, it feels like a jam, and I think, it's fun to feel like, your higher power is a celebration of hope, and to me it is. So this song I like to listen to.

[01:15:22] There must be a higher love, and there is, so I hope everyone finds their higher love and can jam out to some Whitney Houston.

[01:15:28]

Closing

[01:15:28] Spencer: Thank you for listening, and please keep coming back. Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too. If we did not talk about a problem you are facing today, feel free to contact us so we can talk about it in a future episode. May understanding, love, and peace grow in you one day at a time.

[01:15:49] ​