The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it – basically because you feel good, when you are near or with them.
When I came into the program for the first time, I was terrified of the idea of asking someone to be my Sponsor. I didn't know who to ask or how I would know when I find someone I want to ask. Eventually, I started hanging out around a group of people amongst which my current Sponsor was one. When I was around this person and talked to her, I felt calmer. I felt I had more space to exist and I was treated with respect, kindness, and compassion. This was because I was treated that way by my Sponsor. My Sponsor was a free soul.
And every day since, I have found more and more people in the program around whom I feel good and at peace when I am near them. These are the people that have what I want. These people have peace. And when I am around them, it is contagious.
When I first came to the program, I was relieved from their serenity. It was like standing by a fire on a cold night. I felt warm. But when I walked away, I became cold again. I would keep coming back to meetings for more warmth, more serenity. And as I came and heard everyone's shares, I would have sparks in my own souls that would light me up for a little longer than just the duration of the meeting. Then I got a Sponsor and worked the Steps. Suddenly, those sparks started to become a small flame. As time passed and I continued to work my program in all my affairs, my flame turned into a roaring fire of my own as I was able to be in touch with my own serenity and my own Higher Power.
The program showed me peace, then it showed me peace could exist in me, and then it lit a fire inside of me through the program of 12 Steps. I am grateful to the program for this because I now have my own serenity and I am able to give back the same to the newcomers and friends of the program.
A meditation for August 1, 2013.
Vindicated – Dashboard Confessional