There is a loveliness to life that does not fade. Even in the terrors of the night, there is a tendency toward grace that does not fail us.
Robert Goolrick, The End of the World as We Know It: Scenes from a Life
I think, deep down, when a situation happens, I always know the “right” thing to do first. I always know what my Higher Power would want me to do. However, my default is often to then “catastrophize” the situation and then set aside what I feel the “right” thing to do is, and then react based on the fear of the consequences. I used to think this was disheartening and proof that I was irreparably damaged and that my Higher Power had forsaken me, but now I know that that means there's hope.
I realize now, that I am not irreparably damaged. I made choices based on the tools I had in the past and I did the best that I could. But the simple fact that I made those choices indicates to me that I can now make another choice. And because I never lost sight of what the “right” thing was (even if I attempted to ignore it), I know that I can now make different choices in recovery. My Higher Power never left me. The proof is in the fact that I always knew what the right thing to do was. I always had that tendency towards grace even if I chose not to honor it. Today, I know I can choose.
A meditation for June 14, 2013.
Grace Is Gone – Dave Matthews Band