“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”
My ego likes whisper in my ear judgments every second – “this is good, this is bad.” Before recovery, my ego was the only voice I ever heard. Now, I hear the voice of my Higher Power, every time my ego whispers a judgment – “this is bad, and this is good” – I can hear my Higher Power say back “this just is.”
Pre-program, I often spent much of my day determining how things should be or must be because that's what my ego told me was “good.” It was a sure-fire way for me to lose my serenity. Now I realize that there just is. Everything just is as it should be. I act every moment as I should have acted in that moment. Occasionally, those actions cause others or myself physical, emotional, or spiritual harm – in such cases, I make an amends. But, for me, that does not make the action good or bad. It just is.
I am human and cannot judge the far-reaching effects of my actions. Perhaps my actions that warranted an amends helped someone to grow, spiritually. Or perhaps my well-intentioned behavior got in the way of another person dealing with the consequences of their own actions. I cannot know. And it is not in my hula hoop to know. I simply try make my amends when I should, practice acceptance, trust that everything is and has been as it should be, and leave the rest to my Higher Power.
A meditation for May 27, 2013
Three Little Birds – Bob Marley