belief – a meditation

 

Believe that your life is worth living and your belief will help create that fact.

William James

I struggle, at times, with low self-esteem. It's very tricky to realize when it is low self-esteem that I am indulging through my behavior. I often fool myself into believing that it's altruism or strength or protectiveness of another person when I act on my low self esteem.

It sounds strange now, when I am not in the moment, but I can so easily go from setting a boundary to giving into another's demands and believing that is for the greater good. I think “is it really important for me to set this boundary?” or “why rock the boat? Things are tolerable now, and they could get worse if I say something.” Or the most popular one for me is “I can handle this better than they could handle me setting the boundary so I'll just take it upon myself. I'm the stronger one so I'll make the sacrifice.”

In my moment of fear or panic, all of those thoughts pop into my head and they actually make sense at the time. But the truth is, it is just fear and my lack of self-worth that prompts me to respond in those ways. But I am worth it. I am worthy of setting boundaries. I am worthy of rocking the boat. I am worthy of asking for and receiving help and not having to carry others' burdens. I did not know this in the past. But now I do and I try to remind myself, often.

Thankfully, I am on a path to recovery today. I am not, by any means, perfect at realizing when my low self-esteem is the basis for my actions, but I am better than I was. And when in doubt, I have a great Sponsor and a wonderful fellowship to which I turn for compassion, understanding, and guidance.

A meditation for May 31, 2013.


Who Says – Selena Gomez & The Scene

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