I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.
This quote rings true for me as one of the most obvious ways in which I can sense my codependency. Before the program, I used to be a different person depending on who I was with. I used to think this was normal because I thought that was simply respecting the boundaries of others. But when I was with two different friends together, I would have an identity crisis! And when I was alone, I would have an identity crisis, too!
Now that I am in recovery, I realize that what I did wasn't “respecting others' boundaries.” It was losing myself in what I thought the other person wanted. Once I worked the Steps with my Sponsor, I was able to be alone. Once I was knew how to be alone, I knew how to be with others, but it had to begin with me.
Today, when I am around different friends, I am aware of what their boundaries are but I am also aware of my boundaries. That was the difference. When I hang out with two (or more) friends, today, I am able to be myself. And when I am alone, I am able to be myself. All of this came from the love and acceptance I received from my Higher Power, my Sponsor, the fellowship of the program, and, eventually, from myself.
A meditation for April 29, 2013.
Isolation – John Lennon