Alone – a meditation


I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.

-Oscar Wilde

This quote rings true for me as one of the most obvious ways in which I can sense my codependency. Before the program, I used to be a different person depending on who I was with. I used to think this was normal because I thought that was simply respecting the boundaries of others. But when I was with two different friends together, I would have an identity crisis! And when I was alone, I would have an identity crisis, too!

Now that I am in recovery, I realize that what I did wasn't “respecting others' boundaries.” It was losing myself in what I thought the other person wanted. Once I worked the Steps with my Sponsor, I was able to be alone. Once I was knew how to be alone, I knew how to be with others, but it had to begin with me.

Today, when I am around different friends, I am aware of what their boundaries are but I am also aware of my boundaries. That was the difference. When I hang out with two (or more) friends, today, I am able to be myself. And when I am alone, I am able to be myself. All of this came from the love and acceptance I received from my Higher Power, my Sponsor, the fellowship of the program, and, eventually, from myself.

A meditation for April 29, 2013.

Isolation – John Lennon

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