“Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”
― Heath L. Buckmaster.
I love this quote because, for me, recovery is about “recovering” me. I had lost myself under my ego, fears, anger, hopelessness, and pain. I used to think I was a bad person and that was just who I was. I used to think I was not deserving of love and that was just my unalterable state of being. This quote reminds me that the me that I had always hoped to be, exists. Not only does that person exist, but exists in me!
Recovery has helped me become more myself. When I am self-aware and connected to my Higher Power, I am myself. I am not afraid, or angry, or hopeless. I am loving, accepting, and forgiving. I like the color blue, chinese food, playing with my dog, and watching old black-and-white movies. Before recovery, I did not know any of that. My favorite color was whatever another person wanted it to be. I ate whatever someone told me to eat. And I did what I thought would make other people happy.
At some point in my life of living with the effects of the disease of alcoholism, I made certain choices for myself that I thought would protect me. And I, consequently, lost myself. Recovery helps me reach through all that to the person I am underneath and brings that person out into the light. When I am working my program, I am a person that laughs wholeheartedly, loves deeply, accepts fully, and lives with focus on my Higher Power. I will be always grateful to the program for helping me find myself.
A meditation for April 09, 2013.
Somesault – Zero 7