Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I love this quote because the more and more I am in the program, the more I am able to see how the universe is conspiring to help me. I think before the program, I wanted to get better, but I wanted to get better on my terms. Thankfully, the universe did not give me what I wanted, it gave me what I needed.
Earlier this week, I was pondering the thought that I can be extremely codependent when it comes to my parents because part of me fears that I need them and that I would be lost without them if anything really bad should happen. Later in the week, I hit my car against a pillar, and felt more shame that reinforced my fear that I was incapable and also fear about what my parents would think. Then I was able to take care of the situation on my own. Afterwards, when I me with my parents' disapproval, I was able to be OK with it because I learned that I could be OK without their help. My trust and faith in myself increased exponentially.
I put out into the world that I wanted to have more faith in myself. The universe delivered me a pillar. Thank God.
A meditation for March 21, 2013.
I Can See Clearly – Johnny Nash
1 comment on “getting what I need – a meditation”
That same week, I ran over a curb and flattened my (by “my”, I mean “his”) tire and bent the rim… and I completely relied on someone I didn’t want to rely on to take care of me (along with my sponsor to help me keep my sanity). The thing is, I know I could’ve done it on my own (ie without him). I even told him on the phone, “Let me call AAA. Where do you want them to take the truck to?” And he decided he had to assess the situation before telling me to call AAA and take it home. yeesh! I should really be grateful that I didn’t have to do anything but make a bunch of phone calls and have my own car delivered to me (by him, he had to get to there somehow). I almost hugged my car when I saw her.
It’s just entertaining (I suppose…) to see the differences in how the author and I handled our situations. I know that if I were completely on my own, I would’ve had to have handled the situation.. probably with a call to my sponsor and “What the hell do I do now?” But, once pointed in the correct direction, the ball would have started and a snowman would’ve been made… oh, wait… I mean, I would’ve figured it out.
I feel like I gained something. I so totally clicked on this meditation by accident, too. ha! So so weird…
By the way, in response to this: “Thankfully, the universe did not give me what I wanted, it gave me what I needed.”
Mama Odie from “The Princess and the Frog,” ‘Dig a Little Deeper’