We should have much peace if we would not busy ourselves with the sayings and doings of others.
–Thomas à Kempis
Recently, I found myself disapproving of the way a loved one was responding to a certain situation. I thought it was inappropriate and incorrect. Eventually, I came to realize how much I was obsessing about it and more importantly, that it was not in my “hula hoop”. All that is in my “hula hoop” is my actions, my behaviors, and my boundaries. I realized that if my loved one was violating my boundaries, I could try to establish my boundaries. If he wasn't violating my boundaries, then I was justtrying to control his behavior.
Even after this realization, I remained resentful of his behavior. Moreover, I was resentful of the fact that it wasn't in my hula hoop because I wanted to “justifiably” try to control him! After talking it over with a program friend, however, I realized that this wasn't an opportunity that my HP put in front of me so that I could try to “fix” this person. This was an opportunity for me to learn acceptance and patience. Once I turned the focus to myself, I was grateful for my loved one's behavior because I realized that it was a way in which my HP was reaching out to me.
Today, when I notice myself disapproving of other people and their behavior, I ask myself a simple question of “is it violating my boundaries?” If the answer is yes, I try to establish my boundaries. If the answer is no, then I am grateful to have another opportunity to learn to love and accept others as they are rather than judge them for what I think they should be.
A meditation for March 26, 2013
True Colors – Fredro Starr ft. Jill Scott
1 comment on “control – a meditation”
We have a non 12 step group (although some of us do attend Alanon) for parents of kids who are struggling with alcoholism and addictions. It is mostly just a coffee group where we get together to talk about what is going on at home and share what has worked for us and what hasn’t and to provide hope for parents. We often have topics like boundaries, gratitudes etc. I have recommended your site and podcasts to them. This one is perfect . It speaks to what so many of us struggle with. Thank You. P.S. Great song choice