“In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone.”
~ Rollo May
Before the program, I used to fear solitude. Any moment I had alone was a moment that I tried to fill with other activities. I would convince myself that I needed to call someone back at exactly that moment or I had to do certain chores just then. Even while driving alone, I couldn't really be alone. I had to have a talk show on or call someone on the phone. But I couldn't be alone with my thoughts. I realize now that I did not want to see myself. I was ashamed and resentful of nearly every part of me and my past. Part of recovery from my codependent and controlling tendencies means more self-awareness and self-acceptance, for me. Now I am able to enjoy my alone time. Recently, a friend of mine referred to “Aloneness” as “All – Oneness”. That really resonated with me because I am able now to take daily inventory of myself and accept myself for where I am in my program and who I am as an individual. In this way, I am able to feel one with myself rather than fighting with myself or rejecting myself. From this oneness springs the opportunity for me to grow as a person in all aspects of my life.
A meditation for March 17, 2013.
Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple