We shall find peace. We shall hear angels. We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.
-Anton Chekov
I would like to take today to be thankful for the program of recovery, the fellowship, and the steps of Al-anon. I got some positive news about a personal issue that I was presented with in the past few weeks. In the beginning of that time, I was sad and initially resorted to my old habits and behaviors of control. Thanks to the recovery program, I realized quickly that those behaviors still don't work for me. Through the support of the fellowship, I was able to allow myself to feel my pain and sadness, but also feel hope. And thanks to the steps of the program, I was able to let go of my illusion of control and trust my Higher Power so much so that I did not obsess about the situation. It did not define me. Even when I received the positive information yesterday, I felt happy but not relieved. At first, I wondered why I didn't feel relieved, then I realized it was because, thanks to recovery, for the first time in my life, I wasn't holding my breath. Instead, I was open and accepting of reality and trusting of my Higher Power. I believed that everything would be OK. And no matter how it turned out, it would have been.
A meditation for February 20, 2013.
Beautiful Day – U2
This meditation jolts me every time I read it. To have so much acceptance that you do not have to be relieved at good news, is hard for me to conceive.
I honestly was shocked to come to the realization myself. At first, I was worried that I wanted the bad thibg to happen and that’s why I didn’t feel relief. But then I realized I didn’t feel disappointment either. I just felt glad for the good news. I wish I could say this is what I expected or planned all along but really, I felt fear and craved control at times. Instead of giving in, I acknowledged that I felt that way and the let it go to my HP using the prayer “Thy will not mine be done.” When I did that, I was able to let go and be of service rather than try to “fix” anything bc I was able to believe that my HP would handle it and that my HP, above all, will care for me no matter what. And through that, I was granted acceptance by my HP, which I am grateful for! 🙂