Mary Pearl T on Step 10 – 288

Step 10 says “We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Mary Pearl T gives us her usual insightful and humorous take on this step.

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

 

Parenting as an Adult Child of Alcoholics – Episode 225

  • What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children?
  • What program tools have you used, and how have they helped?
  • What is your biggest challenge now?

Several listeners shared their experience around these and similar questions.

Some challenges were

  • Not controlling.
  • Anger
  • Impatience
  • “Hurt people hurt people”

And some tools for better parenting include these:

  • Step 10 — apologize and make amends to our children.
    • Demonstrate humility and honesty — see it in the children
  • Tradition 11 — let it begin with me (attraction rather than promotion)
  • Tradition 1 — unity — guard against dominance — not about “me” but about the family
  • Tradition 2 — a trusted servant (a trustee) to the children — they have their own higher power
  • Tradition 4 — autonomy except where it affects others
  • Tradition 10 — no opinion on outside issues — let the child dress how she or he wants to dress
  • Tradition 7 — self supporting — allow children opportunity to be self supporting to build dignity, respect, responsibility.
  • Concepts of service — shared responsibility (co-parenting)
    • We love the presentation in the Reaching for Personal Freedom workbook, because it helps us understand how we can use the Traditions and Concepts in our own lives, in our families, and other relationships.
  • Step 11 — “I don’t own my children, God owns them” — need knowledge of God’s will.
  • Easy does it
  • How important is it?
  • Detaching with love.
    • “Don’t argue with alcoholics, toddlers, and terrorists.”
    • Let them express emotions without needing to change them
  • Sharing program with children.
  • “What am I hurt about?”
  • Pause — the “Al-Anon breath”

Our topic for next week is gratitude. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share something you are grateful for today.
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Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 4 – Episode 165


perfectThis is part 4 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 10 through 12.

The previous episodes are

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Step 10 – Inventory – Episode 48

gentleDo you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment? Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory?  How do you feel about admitting your wrongs?  What exactly does this step mean by “promptly”?  Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? Then stick around, because  today, we’re going to talk about Step 10.

 Spencer, Maria, and Erika discuss our experience with Step 10, Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. We were guided by these questions:

  • What is your understanding of a “daily inventory”?
  • What are some ways you might do a daily inventory? (Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory?)
  • What is a “spot inventory”?
  • Do you take a daily inventory?
  • The second part of Step 10, “and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it” seems pretty clear?
  • What does “promptly” mean to you?
  • In what ways might you “admit it”?
  • Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment?
  • How do you feel about admitting your wrongs?
  • Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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perfection and grace – a meditation

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Lord, help me to hold myself and others to a standard of grace, rather than perfection.

— Prayer

 

 

I frequently need this reminder, and have added it to my daily prayer set, along with the 3rd and 7th step prayers. Much of the trouble in my relating with others comes from an expectation of perfection. Usually it's an unconscious expectation, but when someone isn't acting up to it, I can get annoyed or frustrated. If I can hold myself to a standard of grace, if I can approach every interaction with an attitude of shared humanity, then it becomes easier for me to treat them with dignity and respect.

Recently, I was not able to do this, in a meeting at my workplace. A colleague was asking me for something that I felt I could not supply perfectly. Apparently, my response was not satisfactory, because she asked again. I got more annoyed, stating my position more clearly (I thought), and then asked “is that clear enough for you?” (And not in a friendly tone of voice, either.) She responded “No!” In retrospect, I can see that I was holding both of us to a standard of perfection, and when that standard was not met (in my eyes), I lashed out in frustration. I disrupted the meeting. I treated my colleague with disrespect. And I did not move us towards an acceptable answer to her question.

Later in the day, I realized I needed to apply Step 10, “… and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.” I apologized to my colleague for my attitude. She accepted the apology, and I think, in that moment, we both held each other in grace, because she then said, humbly, “We both need to figure out a way to communicate so that this doesn't happen.” Which I intend to work on with her, so that healing can come from this incident.

A meditation for August 24, 2013.

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