protection – a meditation

 

For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

Psalms 91:11, King James Bible

I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend when I heard this quote. I was feeling a little insecure and lost in life at the time. While we were in the restaurant, my friend noticed “Pslams 91:11” written nearby and we asked what it referred to. That is when I first heard this quote. In that moment, I felt my Higher Power was reaching out to me to remind me that I am safe and protected. I felt so loved and connected with my Higher Power in that moment that I immediately wrote the quote down.

I begin to seek out addictions (whether that be work, or control, or substances, or what have you) in an effort to fill the hole inside of me that is filled with fear. This quote reminds me that my Higher Power will never lead me where my Higher Power will not protect me. But it also reminds me that when I am scared, I need not reach out to unhealthy avenues to feel fulfilled. If I just allow myself to be open to it, my Higher Power is always taking care of my needs and sending me love and comfort when I most need it.

A meditation for June 19, 2013 Continue reading “protection – a meditation”

forcing solutions – a meditation

 

Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.

Hobbes: Well, you've done all you can do.

Calvin & Hobbes

I love this quote because, for one, it's Calvin & Hobbes. And, two, it's so true for my life now that I am in recovery. In the past, when I was scared, I used to just keep doing things because I was craving control. I would strike bargains with God, I would manipulate, I would lie, I would obsessively clean something, I would be emotionally abusive. All of those things were never directly relevant to the underlying problem. But they were often a damn fine way for me to avoid addressing or even looking at the real issues that I had and still feel like I was in control.

Today, in my life in recovery, I try to do everything I should and no more than that. If I turn in an assignment, I try not to obsessively email the professor to see what my grade is. If I ask my partner to take on a task, I try not to nag him over and over again about how I think he should do the task and when. If I establish a boundary with a loved one, I try not to force their feelings on the issues.

These days, when I wake up in the morning, I accept I am going to try to do the best I can and that I will fall short of perfection and that others will also. I try to pray for guidance, patience, and forgiveness for myself and others. These are my “lucky underpants.” And if things don't turn out the way I wanted them to, that's great news, because I've found that when things don't turn out the way I want them to, in the long run, they always turn out better than I could have dreamed.

A meditation for June 18, 2013.

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Shake it out

 

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

Florence and the Machine — Shake it Out

When I continue to carry the past with me, when I keep on dragging that horse, and when the devil is still on my back, I cannot dance. I cannot find serenity.

My recovery includes shedding the burdens of the past, letting go of old resentments, forgiving the hurts done to me by others and amending the hurts I did. Only then can I shake the devil off my back.

A meditation for December 6, 2012.

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