Rediscovering Myself – Episode 163

bluemoonDid alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now?

  • In what ways did I lose myself “before program”?
    • Focus on the alcoholic
    • Taking care of others before myself
    • Belief that others must participate in everything — I can’t do something if my partner doesn’t want to.
    • Isolation and withdrawal from life / activities
    • Expectation that my loved ones would read my mind
    • Expecting others to make me happy
  • What messages did I first hear in Al-Anon that started me to rediscovering myself?
    • Take care of myself.
    • Detachment with love.
    • It’s ok to ask for what I want.
  • What have I found out about myself in recovery?
    • Things I like (to do).
    • Things I don’t like that I thought I had to like because others like them.
    • New insights into my character
    • New things that I never thought I would like
  • What did I forget about myself that I have rediscovered?

Upcoming topics include choices and sadness. We will also explore the statement “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” to see how it has come true for us. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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beg – a meditation

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You carry a basket full of bread, yet
you beg for crumbs from door to door.
You are up to your knees in water, yet
you beg for a drink from everyone you see.
Why are you so blind and stubborn?
Beg at the door of your heart instead.

— Rumi

 

 

I am reminded by this poem that “true happiness comes from within”. Recently, I, deliberately and with not very much forethought, put my serenity into the hands of another person. And when that person didn’t take care of my serenity in the way that I thought they should, my spiraled quickly downward and out of control. I had not asked that person whether they wanted my serenity, I had not asked them to take care of it. I just handed it over.

As I was telling a friend, who has long-term recovery, about this incident, she remarked, with the forthrightness of her program, “Of course. Your drug of choice is other people. You picked up.” She is a very wise woman. I had forgotten that I cannot look for fulfillment outside myself. Other people can enrich my life, but they can not be expected to satisfy my needs. As Rumi tells me, I am “blind and stubborn”, begging from others what I can find in my own heart.

Today, I can remember to look within.

A meditation for July 9, 2013.

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