The words you speak become the house you live in.
I often find myself giving away my power and giving away my self-love. Whenever I say something negative about myself or say that someone makes me feel a certain away, I speak my truth. I used to think when I said things like this, I was simply stating what was true. Now I know that that was true because I said it. Today, I try to take responsibility for my feelings and only speak positive thoughts. I say “I feel this way when this happens.” I am able to stay in my power and use that power for positivity. I live what I say is true. I know that now. So today, I choose my truth to be full of authenticity, love, and positivity.
A meditation for August 29, 2013.
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Don't wait until everything is just right […] There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger.
Mark Victor Hansen
In my life, as with everything else, I often looked to the external to provide me with a sign that the time is right for me to make a change. Because change scares me, I kept waiting for all the best possible scenarios to align to offer me the path of least resistance. Funny thing is, even when that happened, I still had an excuse for why it wasn't a good time. That's because I kept looking externally to solve something that was internal – my fear.
My program of recovery showed me that my fear does not have to be my reality. Because of all the support I received from the Fellowship, I was able to feel safe to explore my fear and accept it; only then was I able to look internally past that fear and realize that there is something more important than it – my serenity.
Once I prioritized my serenity, I started looking internally for the signs that I should make a change and what I should change. I would take inventory, pray, and meditate. When I did this, I made choices from a place of self-awareness and calm. As a result, I was able to let go of the results of my actions while still being able to accept the consequences of my actions. I am so grateful to the program for allowing me to know this peace.
A meditation for August 2, 2013.
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Imagination should be used, not to escape reality, but to create it.
I used to spend my time using my imagination to escape from my life. There was so much judgment and anger and criticism that I was scared all the time. I used to read for hours. It was difficult for me to pull away from my books because I didn't want to live my life. I wanted to just watch others exist. I just withdrew from reality and ceased to participate. And I would spend my time fantasizing and daydreaming about being someone else in a different life. But what I didn't realize is that every character in every story I've ever seen or read has had their own problems. The difference between them and me is that they participated in their lives and overcame their difficulties. I didn't know how to back then, though.
Today, my Higher Power led me to my program which gives me 12 Steps, an incredible Sponsor, and a Fellowship to guide me to the place that I want to be. I am able to make choices now, to participate or to escape. But with all the tools given to me, I instead make the choices to reach out and change my attitudes and actions so that I can live instead of simply surviving.
A meditation for July 14, 2013.
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Life will give you whatever experience is the most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.
When my body is hungry, I crave food. When my body is thirsty, I crave water. I don't have to be in control of that. My body knows what to do to heal itself. It seeks what it needs. Sometimes, I don't want to eat when I'm thirsty because I'm too lazy to get myself some water. Or sometimes I don't want to eat when I'm hungry because I feel too busy to get myself some food. But that's my mind talking. My body is simpler. More straightforward. It knows what it needs to heal.
My soul is the same way. It seeks out situations that it needs to heal. It seeks out interactions with controlling people or people that engage in behaviors that trigger me so that I can have the chance to set my boundaries and heal. Soul craves growth. Sometimes, in those situations, I don't want to set boundaries or respond in a healthy way because I feel scared or hurt. But that's my mind, getting in the way. My soul is simpler. More straightforward. It knows what it needs to heal. The trick is to silence my mind.
A meditation for July 10, 2013.
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We can waste time searching for our own reflection in others, or we can focus on reflecting what we love in others.
So much of my life has been spent watching or experiencing one abusive situation after another and seeing how my loved ones sweep it under the rug and pretend it's OK. It really shook me and caused me to lose faith in myself. When I saw something happen that I felt traumatized by and everyone in my life pretended it was normal, I started assuming that I was too sensitive or imagining things or just plain wrong. And if I brought up the situations with others, often I would get punished for bringing it up. So, unable to express my feelings and told I am wrong, I started just shutting down when an uncomfortable situation was occurring. When I did this, I began to lose my connection with myself because I no longer trusted myself. I treated myself as a crazy person that had no concept of reality. So I would constantly seek myself in others. As the quote says, I would look for my own reflection in others. I would look to others for validation of myself and my feelings to see if they were “correct.”
Now that I am in program, I learned that my feelings are my feelings and I cannot control my feelings. Having feelings, no matter what they are, is never “wrong.” However, when I am not self-aware enough to allow myself to feel and accept my feelings, my actions can be controlled by them. I learned through the Steps how to love myself by accepting my feelings and then giving them up to my Higher Power, take inventory of a situation, and do the next right thing. I learned this by practicing program, reaching out to others to hear their experience, strength, and hope through phone calls and meetings. When I heard something that I resonated with and met someone who exhibited the peace that I wanted to have, I listened to what they had to say. And I began reflecting their behaviors in those situations. I began reflecting what I loved in others because it helped me learned new skills to deal with difficult situations. And stopped looking for others to reflect back to me who I was because I had a strong connection with my Higher Power. When I practice these principles in all my affairs, I achieve serenity.
A meditation for June 28, 2013.
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