Judgement – Episode 104

vultureHow does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, Spencer and Anthony talk about judgement.

We used this outline for our conversation:

  • What does “judgement” mean to you?
  • How does it differ from being “judgemental”?
  • A reading in Courage to Change speaks of a “judgement ladder”, where everyone is either above or below someone else. Have you felt like you are on this ladder?
  • How do you judge others?
  • How do you feel judged?
  • How do you judge yourself? Are you harsher on yourself than others?
  • How can judgement be a positive attribute?
  • How has the program helped you to be less judgemental of others and yourself? To practice “good judgement”?
    • Are there slogans that help?
    • Any particular steps?

Anthony talked out a site that has phone meetings, phonemeetings.org. He also talked about the “Spire” that his wife got for him. Spencer mentioned Clancy I's first recorded talk.

Upcoming topics include caretaking and letting go. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Not God – Episode 93

fateDo you sometimes feel responsible for the whole world? Would other people be happy if they would do things your way? An critical part of our recovery is that we recognize that we are not God.

Spencer talks about ways in which he has tried to “play God” in the past, about how those increased the unmanageability of his life, and about how the realization that he is not God has simplified his life and provided serenity. He worked from the outline below, illustrating the points with stories from his life.

  • What do I mean when I say I am not God?
  • I can’t control or change other people
  • Things outside my “hula hoop” are not my responsibility
  • I don’t know what is best for others
  • I don’t always know what is best for me
  • Why would I think I am?
  • How did my actions suggest I thought so?
  • When do i struggle with wanting to play God?
  • How is it a relief when I remember that I am nobody's higher power?

Upcoming topics include Tradition 11 and “Is it caretaking or healthy support?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Loss – Episode 76

What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss affects me and those close to me, and how my response to loss is so different now than it was before I came into the program. I used this outline as a guide for my musings.

  • The story.
  • How did I deal with loss in the past?
    • Stuff it
    • Ignore it
    • Numb it
    • Isolate
  • Other kinds of loss?
    • Loss of dreams
    • Loss of friendship
      • Separation and divorce
  • Fear of Loss
  • How has the program helped me to deal with loss?
    • Feel it.
    • Acceptance.
    • Gratitude for what was.
    • Grief process — acknowledge it.
    • Less guilt.
  • How to deal with loss and grief
    • Take care of self
    • Prayer
    • Ask for help
    • Talk about it
    • One Day at a Time
    • Letting go

Our topic for next week is how I came to Al-Anon and why I keep coming. On June 22, we will talk about the question “Should I stay or go?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Continue reading “Loss – Episode 76”

let god – a guest meditation by Karla

VLUU L100, M100  / Samsung L100, M100

 

TIMELY WIND

The eagle soars away into the sky
And yet he never plumbs the depths of space.
The four seasons give place to one another,
Yet never seem to have an end or a beginning.
When the one dry tree on the hill is blown down
By the timely wind, what can one do?

“Song of the Golden Elephant” in Mudra: Early Poems and Songs by Chögyam Trungpa, page 31

By Shambala Publications

Consciously working on my third step again “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him”, especially this morning as I put the results of my daily efforts in my Higher Power's hands. “May your will be done”, I repeated, as I got up and carried on with my day. Especially because I am beginning to write the first article I will ever write as a professional, and I feel scared. The above excerpt from a poem eased my pain, visualizing how everything changes in an infinite continuum, a continuous loss and gain through the changing seasons of my life and the universe.

I lost the key to my gym locker this morning and I have to pay a fee I do not want to pay to replace it. I felt a sense of loss about not being able to trust myself sometimes when I am distracted. I stopped a moment, held my head with both my hands, and felt the subtle pain of loss through my body. I repeated to myself a quote from Courage to Change “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it's hands.” ~Richard Bach. Then I got up, did what I had to do, and carried on with my day.

Life does not go as I expect it when I let go and let god, but it goes as is best for me.  I don't understand what gifts are wrapped withing my problems and challenges, but I trust those gifts are richer than I expect. I am willing to enjoy soaring into the sky, adapting to the ever changing seasons of life. Every time that life asks me to face my fears and myself, I want to feel my feelings and let go, one day at a time.

A meditation for March 29, 2014.

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letting go – a guest meditation from Beth

falling-leaves

 

“When I heard ‘Let Go and Let God' for the first time, it didn't make sense to me. Let go of what? And let God do what?

Hope for Today – Al-Anon Family Groups

When despair led me to my first AlAnon meeting, the season was late summer. By the time the leaves on the trees began changing color, I had been to enough meetings and read enough but literature to glimpse the futility of attempting to control things that were not in my control. I began to understand that by trying to fix my alcoholic, I was actually contributing to the problem. In the rooms I met other people in my position who had seen their lives improve by consciously letting go of things that were not on their side of the street. I wasn't sure I could allow the balls I had been keeping in the air so faithfully to just fall where they may, and I was scared. I also knew I was exhausted from the effort, and that spending my last ounce of strength had not accomplished my goal, which was to get my alcoholic husband to be there for me and our kids like I wished he would. The key to finally beginning to let go was getting honest with myself, and really accepting the fact that I was not actually ever IN control, it was all just an illusion. No wonder my efforts had no effect! I was trying to control people and outcomes and events over which I had no power, which were not mine to control in the first place. The only thing I could truly control was ME. This was a truly freeing revelation. As I began to change my thinking and my behaviors, i found i had so much extra time and energy for myself because I was no longer wasting energy spinning my wheels worrying about everyone else.  I shifted my focus and began paying attention to the wonderful world around me, finding my SELF again by reconnecting with my love of nature. I took in the gorgeous colors of fall in the turning leaves, and as the winds blew a few leaves descended gracefully to Earth one by one. I imagined each leaf was a worry I was saying goodbye to, one I couldn't change or fix anyway, so why not just let it go? As I watched, more and more leaves were swept away by the winds, and as the gorgeous reds and yellows carpeted the grass all around me, I saw how straight and true the majestic tree stood, amid the swirling colors.

Each fall I am reminded of this amazing transformation in me, how by letting go I regained my strength and could stand tall again.

Standing, I breathe deeply in through my nose, straightening my back and shoulders as I attain my full height with the slow intake of air. I am tall, true, and strong like the oak. I am me. Slowly I release my breath through my nose, imagining my exhaled breath swirling and falling to Earth like the colored leaves, carrying away the worries I am no longer owning. I am free. With each breath i draw in i stand taller. With each breath released I am lighter. I delight in the colors swirling around me, releasing, releasing, releasing worries. Deep breath. Big smile. I am experiencing beauty in the moment, and I am part of it.

A meditation for September 27, 2013.

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