I didn’t get sober for this shit – Episode 212

What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add?

I recently found a blog post titled “I didn’t get sober for this shit.

I related to it in so many ways, and I’ll share a few with you in this episode. I’d love to hear how you connect. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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perspective – a meditation

 

The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, and struggle to reach the light.

 

I think it is easy to see struggles and difficulties in our lives as troublesome and not want them because they are a source of discomfort. However, I think there is so much more to our individual experiences than just how we judge them. Calling something good or bad, no matter what it is, is arbitrary, I’ve found. What might be good one day is bad the next depending on my mood. But when I step back from a situation and stop trying to judge it, I can instead see what good it can bring to  my life. If some situation triggers my fears due to past memories of similar experiences, then I can see it as an opportunity to work through that fear. If I find myself feeling shameful about a situation, I have an opportunity to address that shame, and so on. I try, today, to focus on how I can grow from a situation rather than complain about whether it is bad or good. Instead, I try to see situations as opportunities for happiness and opportunities for growth.

 

A meditation for September 9, 2013 .

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Higher Power – a meditation

 

When I fear the unknown
You feel like home, you feel like home
You put my feet back on the ground,
Did you know you brought me around?
You were sweet and you were sound
You saved me

Zero 7 — Somersault

I do not know where or when I got the idea that pain was bad or that I must do everything in my power to keep from feeling that pain. I don’t think it’s relevant that I know where this feeling came from, but it’s important to me to be rid of the idea for a few reasons: 1) pain is inevitable, 2) some of the things I love most came about because of painful situations.

As I have grown in my program, I’ve started seeing pain and fear as communications from my Higher Power about my soul instead of seeing pain as an indication of something in me that I need to carefully guard. I hate talking about feelings because I am afraid that I will be rejected or judged and then I will feel pain. As a result, my Higher Power has put people in my life that are very interested in discussing feelings. When I feel terror, I know that this is my Higher Power telling me that in order to heal and grow spiritually, I need to be self-aware about my feelings and feel safe in that awareness rather than rely upon another’s reception of my feelings.

At first I used to wonder why I need to heal and grow, but I think I know now. I think it is because fear is the opposite of love and when I feel fear, I am unable to love. When I am unable to love, I am unable to be close to my Higher Power. And so every time something happens in my life to inspire growth, I think it’s really just Higher Power asking me to be closer so that It can take care of me instead of me trying to control a situation in a vain attempt to care for myself.

When I can keep my focus on my Higher Power, I am able to move towards serenity and peace and love. When I focus on the fear, it my spiritual growth is blocked and that fear becomes my Higher Power. So when I feel afraid, I try to close my eyes and whisper to my fearful heart that we are safe and we will be protected and I focus on my Higher Power.

A meditation for August 7, 2013

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leaving – a guest meditation by Hillery

 

“You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.”

 

Dr. Seuss, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!”

I have been considering whether or not I should leave my husband. We’ve been together for 12 years, with a three year split in the middle, in which I’d broken off contact with him because he was emotionally, mentally and sexually harassing me (he still does). My family, on the other hand, were convinced that my husband and I were perfect for each other. So, to make them happy, I got back together with him.

A year after that, my father passed away from alcoholism. I felt alone. I had never had very much success in dating, either. So, when my husband asked if I would be his girlfriend again, I said ‘yes,’ even though I really wanted to say ‘no.’ I would do this again when we got married.

I had become so accustomed to letting other people make my decisions for me, and so used to trying to make everyone else happy, that I vowed to spend the rest of my life with someone I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with.

For the past two years I’ve wanted divorce, but was too scared of the unknown – a job, a new life, a new place to live – how would I take care of myself? I wasn’t sure what to do. So, I waited. I waited for the strength to go ahead and take care of myself, against the wishes of others, to be able to set boundaries for myself (albeit small ones) and I waited for a sign that it was the right time to move on.

Finally, I feel like I’ve been getting those signs, it seems ridiculous: A song which gave me encouragement, tears, hope; a text from my brother asking me to get a place with him; and my husband asking me to get a job. BINGO! I prayed the other day for guidance to this divorce issue. I’ve never truly prayed before, but I realized that I can’t do this without my higher power guiding me. I heard “compassion” – for my husband, for myself, and for my children, because it will be a long and hard road ahead.

It will be one day at a time, but I feel like I’m starting to feel that I can be free.

A meditation for August 6, 2013.

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