In All Our Affairs – Episode 201

Step 12 says “… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs“. It’s easy to say but harder to do.

Al-Anon doesn’t do me much good if I pick and choose where I’m going to put it into practice. Program works best when I embrace it wholeheartedly: give up my excuses, rationalizations, justifications,
and work to make the principles a part of my daily, hourly, life. (…In All Our Affairs, Al-Anon Family Groups)

How do we take these things we talk about in here and try to learn from the meetings, and actually use / apply them to life, every day, in every way possible? Not just with our alcoholic or addicts, but with the line at the grocery store or the dreaded dmv, the person who insults or acts unkindly toward us, cuts us off in traffic, acts rudely or with hostility or anger, or takes advantage of us….?

I “carry” a “tool box” full of Alanon Slogans and sayings, and a spiritual canteen of positive past results experienced for times when I need refreshment or reminders of these results, in Life, not in the rooms. My tools are kept lubricated by prayer and meditation, calls to my sponsor and fellow members, reading, listening on phone meetings, participating in the program in various ways through service, attending meetings, and carrying the message to others by example and attraction.

Some things I do differently now:

  • Asking for help.
  • Taking responsibility for my actions. (Not blaming the cop for giving me a ticket.)
  • Saying “no”.
  • Doing my part and letting go of expectations of outcomes.
  • Pause before I react. Slogans “THINK”, “How important is it?” are helpful.
  • Using “neutral responses” such as “That’s Interesting”, “Let me think about that”, “I hear you”, “you don’t say”, “that’s one way to look at it”, or my favorite “Ah-Ha” or “Oh”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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Resentment – Episode 196

Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments?

  • What is a “resentment”?
  • Why is it a problem?
  • Where do you find your resentments stem from?
    • Anger at a past injury?
    • Others not doing things “your way”?
  • One method of working Step 4 (“searching and fearless moral inventory”) starts by listing resentments.
    • Why do you think that is?
    • Why can this be a useful way of digging into our inventory?
  • The book How Al-Anon Works talks about resentment in the chapter titled “Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness”.
    • How do these tools help relieve our resentments?
    • What other tools do you use?
    • Gratitude
    • Inventory
    • Taking a fresh look — maybe the behavior has changed and I don’t recognize it

Upcoming topics include Alateen, Parenting, and Obsessive Thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Al-Anon Slips – Episode 191

What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover?

  • What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”?
  • What do you think an “Al-Anon slip” is?
    • How do you know if you’re having (or if you had) one?
    • In AA, it’s “obvious”, but in Al-Anon, it’s more subtle.
  • What kinds of slips can you identify?
    • Controlling
    • Enabling
    • Emotional
    • Making another person your HP
  • Relate a story about a slip you had
    • A big one?
    • A little one?
  • How did it feel the same as before recovery?
  • How did it feel different?
  • What program tools did you use to recover from your slip?
  • How do you / can you detect that a slip is imminent and what can you do to prevent it?
    • What tools/slogans help?

Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. How does your obsession with others behavior (such as drinking) make your life unmanageable? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

In response to a listener question, we suggested episode 78: Stay or Go?
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Expectations – Episode 186

Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt?

  • What are “expectations”?
  • “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true?
  • How can expectations set you up for disappointment?
  • How do your expectations of yourself hurt you?
  • How do you deal with other people’s expectations of you?
  • How do you
    • let go of unrealisitic expectations?
    • set realistic / reasonable expectations and boundaries?
  • When has letting go of expectations improved an experience for you?

Eric referred to several other websites:

A correspondant mentioned the Hand in Hand Parenting support organization and how it had helped her.

Upcoming topics include a talk with Alateen sponsors, and the question “how am I trustworthy?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Feelings – Episode 169

conflictHave you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts?

  • Were you able to identify feelings (before recovery)?
  • What did you feel?
  • Did you feel?
  • Did you think that certain feelings were “good” and others were “bad”?
  • Did it seem you had to act on/react to your feelings?
  • How did you deny/push down/hide from feelings?
  • Have you heard the saying, “feelings are not facts”?
  • What does it mean to you?
  • How do you use it now?
  • Have you found a “feeling vocabulary” in recovery?
  • How do you respond to feelings now?
  • How are you able to feel, but act from your head?
  • How can you accept that you have feelings, and that they do not have to control your actions?
  • How have your feelings changed?
  • What slogans or tools help you to deal with how you feel?
    • Let go and let God.
    • This too shall pass.
    • Just for today.
    • One day at a time.
    • Easy does it.
    • First things first.
    • Prayer and meditation.
    • Inventory
  • How have you become more aware of and able to feel?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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