Do you have a few sayings or quotes that support your recovery? How do you use them?
Spencer and Eric explore a long list of sayings, quotes, proverbs, and parables. We talked about all of these, some at length, and some quite briefly. Some of these have dates in the form month/day, which refer to readings in the book Courage to Change.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
Let it begin with me.
You are not alone.
Don’t pick up the rope.
I don't have to attend every dog fight I'm invited to.
not my monkeys not my circus
There are only two types of business; my business, and none of my business.
We’re only as sick as our secrets.
Move a muscle, change a thought. (Act my way into right thinking.)
Don’t just do something, sit there. When in doubt don’t.
First thought, wrong thought.
I am a human being, not a human doing.
Participation is the key to harmony.
Worry is like a rocking chair; going back and forth and going nowhere.
The only way I can push people, is away from me.
Say what you mean but don’t say it meanly.
The enemy of serenity is indecision and hurry.
Came, Came to, and Came to Believe!
Show up, wake up, smarten up.
I can’t, he can, I think I’ll let him.
“If you understand, things are just as they are. If you don’t understand, things are just as they are.” Zen proverb.
It works if you work it!
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Let go or be dragged.
Stop living in the wreckage of the future.
Life on life’s terms.
Keep my head where my feet are.
Fear and faith can’t live in the same house.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
Do the next right thing.
If I don’t have 5 minutes to meditate, take 10.
My best thinking got me here.
If my only prayer today is thank you, that will suffice.
The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas.
I may not get everything I want today but I have everything I need.
Forgiveness is letting go of hoping for a better yesterday.
Look back but don’t stare.
Parable of the two wolves — Which one wins? The one you feed.
When going through hell, keep going.
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot.
When 1 door closes, another door opens, but living in the hallway is hell.
Before sunlight shines through a window, the blinds must be raised. American – 3/5
Patience is the key to paradise. Turkish – 5/14
When we talk of tomorrow, God laughs. Chinese – 5/17
The highest for of wisdom is kindness. The Talmud – 4/13
“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abe Lincoln
“Courage faces fear and thereby masters it.” MLK Jr – 8/6
“Even if I knew tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” Martin Luther – 11/5
“The oak grows stronger in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” Peter Marshal – 3/23
“There is no try. There is do or not do.” Yoda
“Fear leads to hate, hate to anger, anger to suffering.” Yoda
“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.” Albert Schweitzer – 12/9
Readings and Links
Links to longer explanations about or readings of the parables we discussed:
Do you QTIP? Have you practiced the 3 A's? Spencer and Eric, with support from many listeners, talk about some of the acronyms (such as HALT or FEAR) and alliterations (3 C's, 4 M's) that help us to remember the important principles of the program. As Eric says, “these are like pocket change — they're easy to pick up and use.”
Do you believe all things happen for a reason? Do you believe that God can do for us things that we can’t do for ourselves? Do you believe in coincidence, or that there is no such thing as coincidence?
What “higher power moments” have you experienced? (Step 2 moments) What happens when you view them as miracles rather than coincidences? When have you said “I have no idea how that happened?” (and were grateful for it!)
Today, we're talking about miracles, coincidences, and belief. We share some of our own and some of yours. We might follow this outline:
Definitions of “miracle”
a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.
a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences.
How have you enabled your loved ones’ alcoholism? What is enabling, anyway? How do you know when you’re doing it and when you are empowering them, instead?
What does the dictionary say?
1 a : to provide with the means or opportunity: training that enables people to earn a living
b : to make possible, practical, or easy: a deal that would enable passage of a new law
c : to cause to operate: software that enables the keyboard
2 : to give legal power, capacity, or sanction to: a law enabling admission of a state
From Urban Dictionary
Shielding a person from the consequences of a destructive behavior; Allowing a person's destructive behavior to persist by managing or minimizing the ill-effects of the behavior.”Enabling” vs. “Empowering”Enabling: supporting a person's behavior that (repeatedly/habitually) instigates a negative or destructive resultEmpowering: supporting a person's ability or effort in a positive or progressive endeavorEnabling can be as destructive as the behavior itself . . . a person enabling a destructive behavior is motivated by their need to do so and is gratified by reinforcing their superiority or control over that person; An “enabler” holds a person in an inferior state by denying them the motivation to change and therefore, the opportunity to grow.
What does enabling mean to you? How does that relate to the definitions we just read?
Did you understand/head you heard of enabling before you came to Al-Anon?
What are some ways in which you have enabled others' dysfunction/addiction/behavior?
How can we (especially as parents) distinguish between supporting, helping, empowering, and enabling?
Can we look at our motivations, expectations, fears?
Let Go and Let God
How Important is it?
Detaching with love
Clarity: “mine or not mine?”
“When in doubt, don’t”
Serenity prayer (knowing the difference)
What are healthy ways to be supportive without enabling?