Willingness – Episode 216

A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, “Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?” What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from?

  • Definition
  • What does this word mean to me today?
  • How is that different from how I understood it in the past?
  • Where does willingness appear in the Steps?
  • Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  • Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
  • But also: Step 4 — willingness to look deeply at ourselves.
  • Step 5 and 6 — willingness to change.
  • Step 11 — willingness to deepen our relationship with a higher power.
  • In fact, we can find it in all the steps!
  • Eric noted that you can put the word “willing” in front of each step: Step 1, “Became willing to admit we were powerless…”, etc.
  • Acronym: HOW — Honest, Open, and Willing. This is HOW the program of recovery works.
  • How did I become willing?
    • Examples of others — your stories of using the principles of the program in your own recovery helped me be willing to try them for myself.
    • Pain — “hitting bottom” over and over in different ways. Eventually willing to try something, anything new.

A few tidbits from the episode:

Psychology Today article: 5 Ways to Really Get Closer to Each Other

Phone meetings web site.

And the quote from Marilyn Monroe that Spencer mentioned: “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Sadness and Loneliness – Episode 214

Alone but not lonelyHow were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings?

Eric and Spencer explore loneliness, sadness, and recovery guided in part by these questions.

  • Definitions.
    • Sad, despair, isolated, grief, loss,
  • How did you deal with (or not deal with) sadness before recovery?
    • What brought you sadness?
    • What other emotions went with it?
    • How did you act?
  • When were you lonely?
    • What other emotions went with it?
    • What was your “self-talk” when you were lonely?
    • How did you act?
  • How has your recovery changed this?
  • How is being lonely different from being alone?
  • Did you used to resist being alone?
  • How has that changed?

We made reference to a couple of articles from Psychology Today.

The Surprising Antidote to Loneliness

The Value of Sadness

A previous episode on Hope (episode 65) was mentioned.

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Kindness and Courtesy – Episode 211

unityHow do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones?

Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives.

  • What is kindness?
  • What is courtesy?
  • Ways of being kind and courteous:
    • Smiling and saying “hi” to people I interact with in my daily life — bus driver, checkout person at the grocery store, co-workers.
    • Realizing that the person who cut me off on the highway has their issues, and those are not mine is being kind to myself.
    • Responding courteously to anger keeps me calmer and may defuse a tense situation.
    • Keeping my mouth shut when I want to lash out!
  • We read from Al-Anon literature:
  • And from a couple of articles from Psychology Today:

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Humility – Episode 208

Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change?

Definition from Merriam-Webster:  freedom from pride or arrogance :  the quality or state of being humble

  • What is the difference between humility and humiliation?
  • Some have compared humility to teachability. How do you understand this statement?
  • How does humility help keep me from trying to control people and situations?
  • How Al-Anon Works says “True humility is based upon letting go of self-will and relying instead upon the will of our Higher Power.”
  • In the “Lois’s Story” chapter in How Al-Anon Works, she writes, “‘Humbly’ was a word I never fully understood. It used to seem servile to me. Today it means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.”
  • What is the connection between anonymity, as we practice it, and humility?
  • How is humility part of taking care of ourselves, rather than taking care of others?

Eric read from “The Paradoxical Power of Humility“.

Upcoming topics include “the 3 P’s”, perfection, procrastination, and paralysis. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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In All Our Affairs – Episode 201

Step 12 says “… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs“. It’s easy to say but harder to do.

Al-Anon doesn’t do me much good if I pick and choose where I’m going to put it into practice. Program works best when I embrace it wholeheartedly: give up my excuses, rationalizations, justifications,
and work to make the principles a part of my daily, hourly, life. (…In All Our Affairs, Al-Anon Family Groups)

How do we take these things we talk about in here and try to learn from the meetings, and actually use / apply them to life, every day, in every way possible? Not just with our alcoholic or addicts, but with the line at the grocery store or the dreaded dmv, the person who insults or acts unkindly toward us, cuts us off in traffic, acts rudely or with hostility or anger, or takes advantage of us….?

I “carry” a “tool box” full of Alanon Slogans and sayings, and a spiritual canteen of positive past results experienced for times when I need refreshment or reminders of these results, in Life, not in the rooms. My tools are kept lubricated by prayer and meditation, calls to my sponsor and fellow members, reading, listening on phone meetings, participating in the program in various ways through service, attending meetings, and carrying the message to others by example and attraction.

Some things I do differently now:

  • Asking for help.
  • Taking responsibility for my actions. (Not blaming the cop for giving me a ticket.)
  • Saying “no”.
  • Doing my part and letting go of expectations of outcomes.
  • Pause before I react. Slogans “THINK”, “How important is it?” are helpful.
  • Using “neutral responses” such as “That’s Interesting”, “Let me think about that”, “I hear you”, “you don’t say”, “that’s one way to look at it”, or my favorite “Ah-Ha” or “Oh”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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