Acronyms and Alliterations – Episode 284

Do you QTIP? Have you practiced the 3 A's? Spencer and Eric, with support from many listeners, talk about some of the acronyms (such as HALT or FEAR) and alliterations (3 C's, 4 M's) that help us to remember the important principles of the program. As Eric says, “these are like pocket change — they're easy to pick up and use.”

Acronyms

    • FEAR – Face everything and recover
    • PAUSE – Please assist until serenity enters
    • FEAR – False evidence appearing real
    • LOVE – Let others voluntarily evolve
    • JADE – (don’t) Justify, argue, defend, or explain
    • WAIT – Why am I talking (thinking)
      • Neutral responses (scroll to the bottom of episode 249)
    • HALT(S)
    • NUTS – Not Using The Steps (Slogans)
    • TRUST – try really using step three!
    • THINK is it..?: Thoughtful. Honest. Intelligent. Necessary. Kind.
    • HOPE: Happy. Our. Program. Exists.
    • DETACH: Don’t. Even. Think. About. Changing. Him/Her.
    • HOW: Honest. Open. Willing.
    • STEPS: Solutions. To. Every. Problem.
    • QTIP: Quit. Taking. It. Personally.
    • FINE
    • PISO: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
    • Eric would write this on his hand.
    • GOD: Good Orderly Direction
    • UTT: Use the tools
    • ODAT: One Day at a time
    • ANGER = A Negative Grudge Endangers Recovery
    • ASK = Ask Seek Knock
    • CHANGE = Choosing Honesty Allows New Growth Everyday
    • COOL = Creative Opportunities Offer Love
    • EGO = Easing God Out
    • FAITH = Finding Answers In The Heart
    • FEAR = Forgetting Everything Is Alright
    • FEAR = Future Events Aren’t Real
    • FROG = Fully Relying On God
    • GIFTS = Getting It From The Steps
    • HOPE = Helping Ourselves Purge Emptiness
    • HOW = Honest, Open, Willing
    • MYOB = Mind Your Own Business
    • PUSH = Pray Until Something Happens

Alliterations

  • 3 A’s – Awareness, Acceptance, Action
  • 3 P’s – Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis
  • 4 M’s – Manipulation, Managing, Mothering, and Martyrdom
  • 3 C’s – Didn’t cause it, can’t cure it, can’t control it. (But I can contribute to the problem.)
  • 6 P’s: perspective, pain, prayer, patience, process and payoff.
  • 3 C's –  Have I Criticised, Have I Condemned, Have I Complained?
  • 3 G's – Get off his back, Get out of his way and Get on with your life
  • 4 P's     Why we don't forgive?..: Protection, Power, Pride, Punishment
  • 3 S's –   Selfish, Self-seeking, Self-centred

Readings and Links

We read from Courage to Change, March 26

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Continue reading “Acronyms and Alliterations – Episode 284”

Would you rather be right or happy? – Episode 276

sing joyously

  • What is your first thought when you hear this question?
  • Do you believe that “right” is “truth” and that there is only one possible “right answer” (way to do something, opinion about a topic, etc.)?
  • Do you have “black and white” thinking?
    • Why?
  • What would it take to see the world in shades of gray (or colors)?  Red is no more “right” than blue, for example.
  • What does the word “happy” mean in this context?
  • When has holding onto a position hurt more than letting go would have hurt?
  • Is Right and Happy possible?  Sometimes. But in dealing with difficult people, sometimes, it’s just not worth the fight, conflict, escalation…
  • A lotta references to “conflict” and controversy are relevant in readings, and traditions, as well as arguments.
  • Can you “Live and Let Live” even if you are “right”?
  • Have you come to learn that most times, “urgent things are seldom Important, and Important things are seldom urgent”? (calling 911 for a paper cut…)
  • Slogans
    • How Important is it?
    • This Too Shall Pass
    • Is It Worth My Serenity?
  • Perspective episode also comes to mind, and First Things First… And Force vs Power
  • Sayings;
    • QTIP
    • Don’t
      • Take the bait
      • Pick up the rope
      • Be a willing participant in a toxic dance
    • “I don’t need to win anything today…”

Readings and Links

We opened with a reading from Courage to Change, October 29. We also mentioned the June 3 reading.

We read from How Al-Anon Works on dealing with conflict (p. 98 in the soft cover edition), and Eric read about acceptance from …In All Our Affairs, p. 96.

We were inspired by a Psychology Today article Right vs. Happy. And Eric ended with a quote from Chief Joseph.

Coming next

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email
feedback@therecoveryshow.com
with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Continue reading “Would you rather be right or happy? – Episode 276”

Do you Believe? – Episode 270

Do you believe all things happen for a reason?
Do you believe that God can do for us things that we can’t do for ourselves?
Do you believe in coincidence, or that there is no such thing as coincidence?

What “higher power moments” have you experienced? (Step 2 moments)
What happens when you view them as miracles rather than coincidences?
When have you said “I have no idea how that happened?” (and were grateful for it!)

Today, we're talking about miracles, coincidences, and belief. We share some of our own and some of yours. We might follow this outline:

  • Definitions of “miracle”
    • a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.
    • a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences.
  • Definitions of “coincidence”
    • a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection
    • Scrabble points: 18
  • What miracles have you experienced in your life?
  • In your recovery (if different).
  • When you view a positive, unexplained event as a miracle instead of a coincidence, how does that change your experience?
  • How does it change you?
  • “When I seek, I find; when I look, I notice.”

Readings and links

Music and video clips

Miracle on 34th Street: clip “Susie Believes”

The Polar Express


The Loving Spoonful: Do You Believe in Magic

Enabling or Empowering? – Episode 261

How have you enabled your loved ones’ alcoholism? What is enabling, anyway? How do you know when you’re doing it and when you are empowering them, instead?

  • What does the dictionary say?
  • Merriam-Webster
    • 1 a : to provide with the means or opportunity: training that enables people to earn a living
    • b : to make possible, practical, or easy: a deal that would enable passage of a new law
    • c : to cause to operate: software that enables the keyboard
    • 2 : to give legal power, capacity, or sanction to: a law enabling admission of a state
  • From Urban Dictionary
    • Enabling
      Shielding a person from the consequences of a destructive behavior; Allowing a person's destructive behavior to persist by managing or minimizing the ill-effects of the behavior.”Enabling” vs. “Empowering”Enabling: supporting a person's behavior that (repeatedly/habitually) instigates a negative or destructive resultEmpowering: supporting a person's ability or effort in a positive or progressive endeavorEnabling can be as destructive as the behavior itself . . . a person enabling a destructive behavior is motivated by their need to do so and is gratified by reinforcing their superiority or control over that person; An “enabler” holds a person in an inferior state by denying them the motivation to change and therefore, the opportunity to grow.
  • What does enabling mean to you?  How does that relate to the definitions we just read?
  • Did you understand/head you heard of enabling before you came to Al-Anon?
  • What are some ways in which you have enabled others' dysfunction/addiction/behavior?
  • How can we (especially as parents) distinguish between supporting, helping, empowering, and enabling?
    • Can we look at our motivations, expectations, fears?
    • Slogans
      • Let Go and Let God
      • How Important is it?
      • WAIT
      • THINK
    • Boundaries
    • Detaching with love
    • Clarity: “mine or not mine?”
    • “When in doubt, don’t”
    • Serenity prayer (knowing the difference)
    • “Al-Anon pause”
  • What are healthy ways to be supportive without enabling?

We read from or discussed these resources:

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Continue reading “Enabling or Empowering? – Episode 261”

Perspective – Episode 258

What does it mean to “place our problem in its true perspective”? Can a change in perspective change everything?

    • Our suggested opening says “as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives”.
    • What is perspective?
      • From dictionary.com:
      • the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.
      • the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship: Your data is admirably detailed but it lacks perspective.
      • a mental view or prospect: the dismal perspective of terminally ill patients.
      • a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance
      • the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity: try to get some perspective on your troubles
      • Scrabble points: 26
    • Perception and attitude: perception is how i see things. Attitude is how I react. (http://sarahtauber.com/interesting-words/perception-vs-attitude-difference/ )
    • How do I lose perspective?
      • (Over) reacting in the moment.
      • Dramatizing / awfulizing
      • Minimizing (denial)
      • Not looking at “the bigger picture”
    • What happens when I lose perspective?
    • How can I “put things in perspective” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201702/putting-things-in-perspective)
      • Ask yourself what is the cost to you and others of your reaction?
      • Observe and describe rather than judging.
        • HALT (Am I hungry angry lonely, or tired?, WAIT (why am i talking), THINK (thoughtful, honest, intelligent, necessary, kind)
      • What can you still do? (Serenity prayer, first things first)
        • Pause
        • Serenity prayer
      • Ask how you will feel in a week? A month? A year?
        • Regret, shame, guilt? 8th step list?
        • How important will this seem in the future?
      • Consider it as an inconvenience instead of the “end of the world.”
      • “Rational” comes from “ratio” — consider proportion
    • Making crisis work for us (https://al-anon.org/blog/affairs-making-crises-work/ )
      • Breaking through denial
      • Slowly rising awareness
      • Sudden revelation
    • TED talk “transformative power of classical music”  — Story (from The Art of Possibility) about shoe salesmen in Africa, opportunity, and perspective. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9LCwI5iErE\
    • Program tools
      • Serenity prayer
      • Let go and let God
      • How important is it?
    • Quotes: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/perspectives and https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/different_perspective

Readings

How Al-Anon Works:

  • Chapter 16: Tradition 1
  • Part 2, Chapter 16, “A Nun finds Spiritual Peace”
  • Part 2, chapter 31, “Letting Go of a Loved One’s Alcohol, Drug, and Money Problems”

Courage to Change

  • January 27, “sometimes dirty dishes are just dirty dishes” (How Important is it?)
  • June 24 — “It wasn’t much of a day for egg-laying, but it was a great day for music!”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Continue reading “Perspective – Episode 258”