Choices – Episode 164

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Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery?

Choice Before Recovery

  • Did you feel you had choices in your life?
  • Did it seem like, when you had a choice, it was either/or, with no 3rd possibility?
  • Were you “allowed” to change your mind?
  • How did you make decisions?
    • Little ones? (What to have for dinner, what movie to see.)
    • Big ones? (Which job to take, where to live.)

Choice in early recovery

  • What messages about choice did you hear when you started attending Al-Anon?
  • Was it a surprise to hear that you had choices? That you had more than 2 alternatives?
  • What did you hear about making choices to take care of yourself?
  • What if you didn’t know which answer was the “right” one?

Choice now

  • What tools of the program can you use to help you make a choice?
  • Which slogans are helpful?
  • How do you use prayer and meditation in making decisions?
  • How can taking inventory help?
  • Have you found that you can choose your attitude? Acceptance? Gratitude?

Upcoming topics include sadness. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Rediscovering Myself – Episode 163

bluemoonDid alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now?

  • In what ways did I lose myself “before program”?
    • Focus on the alcoholic
    • Taking care of others before myself
    • Belief that others must participate in everything — I can’t do something if my partner doesn’t want to.
    • Isolation and withdrawal from life / activities
    • Expectation that my loved ones would read my mind
    • Expecting others to make me happy
  • What messages did I first hear in Al-Anon that started me to rediscovering myself?
    • Take care of myself.
    • Detachment with love.
    • It’s ok to ask for what I want.
  • What have I found out about myself in recovery?
    • Things I like (to do).
    • Things I don’t like that I thought I had to like because others like them.
    • New insights into my character
    • New things that I never thought I would like
  • What did I forget about myself that I have rediscovered?

Upcoming topics include choices and sadness. We will also explore the statement “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” to see how it has come true for us. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Seeing Clearly – Episode 157

I see you“Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.”

Our sight, once clouded…

  • Implies impaired vision
  • Only able to see a short distance
  • Lacking perspective
  • Denial
  • Paradoxically living in the future
  • Guilt
  • Overcompensation
  • I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all or nothing
  • Conflict or disagreement was threatening, I did not understand collaboration.

And confused…. How was I confused?

  • Impaired thought processes,
  • Clouded reality also makes me think of the four M’s: martyrdom, manipulation, mothering and managing
  • I was a fixer and manager, I thought that would help the situation
  • I believed I was responsible for everything, I had to do everything for my family
  • I had no understanding of boundaries, healthy relationships, how to nurture them,
  • Any feedback or criticism was interpreted as a direct assault
  • Others came first, always
  • I did not value myself
  • I did not believe myself loveable
  • Believing that I needed to control everything and everyone
  • Believing I had control over people, places, and things
  • Not seeing how my life, my behavior, my attitudes had been affected by this disease.

We will be able to perceive reality

  • We climb out of the clouds one step at a time
  • This is part of the process, it becomes clearer the more we work the steps and use the tools of the program
  • As I work the steps, I become more able to perceive reality
  • Decluttering my mind and life prepares me for future growth

We will be able to recognize truth

  • This is a spiritual concept.  We are spiritual beings, not just beings.
  • Recognize the truth of who and what I am – both positive and negative.
  • I can only do this when I believe in a higher power that I can count on to care for me
  • Looking at parts of myself that I don’t like requires it being balanced with acknowledging my assets
  • Like a tight rope walker with a balancing pole, have to put equal weights on either side or they will fall.
  • On the other hand, this cleared vision allows me to see the behaviors of those in my life for what they were – sometimes lies, sometimes attempts at manipulating me, unnecessary or inappropriate judging coupled with condescension, sometimes attempts at preserving the status quo as I was changing,
  • Allowed me to recognize the truth that my loved ones suffered from an addiction and deserved love and compassion, regardless of what choices I made for myself or what stage of their addiction they were in.

Readings in this episode are from the Al-Anon book Discovering Choices.

This is the third episode in a sequence on the “Gifts of Al-Anon“, which are described on pp. 268-9 of the book From Survival to Recovery.

Upcoming topics include Step 1 “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.” How have you found power in admitting your powerlessness? How was (is) your life unmanageble? How does this step help lead you into recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Continue reading “Seeing Clearly – Episode 157”