For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Psalms 91:11, King James Bible
I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend when I heard this quote. I was feeling a little insecure and lost in life at the time. While we were in the restaurant, my friend noticed “Pslams 91:11” written nearby and we asked what it referred to. That is when I first heard this quote. In that moment, I felt my Higher Power was reaching out to me to remind me that I am safe and protected. I felt so loved and connected with my Higher Power in that moment that I immediately wrote the quote down.
I begin to seek out addictions (whether that be work, or control, or substances, or what have you) in an effort to fill the hole inside of me that is filled with fear. This quote reminds me that my Higher Power will never lead me where my Higher Power will not protect me. But it also reminds me that when I am scared, I need not reach out to unhealthy avenues to feel fulfilled. If I just allow myself to be open to it, my Higher Power is always taking care of my needs and sending me love and comfort when I most need it.
A meditation for June 19, 2013 Continue reading “protection – a meditation”
When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot.
Before working (and practicing) the 12 Steps, playing the victim was my default method of existence. It permeated my every state of being. The way I talked, the way I acted, even the way I thought – all of these thing belie the fact that I saw myself as a victim. I never said “I was angered by this action,” I would say “He made me angry.” This immediately affected the way I thought. I thought “He made me angry.” I thought “She made me yell at her.”
I didn't realize it at the time, but that was the basis for the way I thought about myself. I thought other people made me who I was. I thought was a puppet and they were the puppet-masters. “They make me behave defensively” or “they make me act disrespectfully”. I did not take responsibility for myself.
Now, I try to remember that no one can make me. It is not possible. I can choose to do something, though. So, every day, I choose to try to change my attitudes. I am not perfect at it, by any means. But I choose to from the simplest behaviors – I no longer say someone made me do something. I say I chose to. “I chose to become angry. Next time I will choose to take pause.” That simple shift in words, shifted my thoughts, which shifted my behavior.
I not longer saw myself as a victim. I held myself accountable for my actions by phrasing things in this way. When I realized I was accountable for my own actions and an active participant in my life, a lot of my old destructive behaviors stopped. The program gave me this gift – the gift of the phrase “I choose…”
A meditation for June 10, 2013.
Continue reading “fault – a meditation”