change – a meditation

 

The secret to change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new.

Socrates

Acceptance does not come naturally to me. By default, I am more likely to spend time going over all the mistakes I made over and over again in painstaking detail. I used to think this would keep me  from making those mistakes again by focusing on what NOT to do. But really, I was often so focused on the negative that I didn’t ever stop to think what I should do, what my Higher Power wants me to do, when greeted with that same issue again. When I behaved this way, I was trying to be in control of my feelings and in control of a situation. In the program, we call it “forcing a solution”.

There is a subtle difference, but focusing on doing the next right thing was far more manageable for me than focusing on controlling all the things I felt I did wrong in the past. When I focused on trying to fix all of those things, the job seemed overwhelming and I was easily disheartened because those actions came out of my own fears of not being good enough or not being lovable unless I act correctly all the time.. When, instead of judging myself, I instead accepted that I made a mistake and made an amends to myself and others (if needed), I was able to be gentle with myself and then focus on the positive of trying to do what the next right thing was, and let go of the results. This action comes from love – both love for self and love for my Higher Power. When my actions come from a place of love, I open myself up to all the possibilities that my Higher Power wants for me because I am able to get closer to my Higher Power.

A meditation for June 12, 2013.

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Shake it out

 

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around

And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

Florence and the Machine — Shake it Out

When I continue to carry the past with me, when I keep on dragging that horse, and when the devil is still on my back, I cannot dance. I cannot find serenity.

My recovery includes shedding the burdens of the past, letting go of old resentments, forgiving the hurts done to me by others and amending the hurts I did. Only then can I shake the devil off my back.

A meditation for December 6, 2012.

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