Slogans part 2 – Episode 235

How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”?

  • 3 slogans for today.
    • Let it begin with me.
    • Is it worth my serenity?
    • First things first.
  • For each slogan: How do I understand the slogan?
  • What did I think when I first heard each slogan?
  • Has my understanding changed?
  • How have I applied the slogan in the past? Now?
  • The “Al-Anon declaration” includes the words “Let it begin with me” twice. Why?
    • LET IT BEGIN WITH ME—When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, let the hand of Al‑Anon and Alateen always be there and LET IT BEGIN WITH ME
  • Do I use “Let it begin with me” to remind me that my recovery comes first?
    • Sort of like the “oxygen mask” metaphor?
    • “Isms” and “if you spot it, you got it”
  • What happens when I ask “Is it worth my serenity?” How does it change the way I react to situations?
  • Do I use “first things first”
    • To reduce frustration, fear, or uncertainty?
    • To help me move forward one step towards a goal I don’t know how to reach?
    • To help me choose from several “next steps”?

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Readings

We opened with a reading from Chapter 9 of How Al-Anon Works, Slogans.

Later, we read from Courage to Change, April 18 and December 2.

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Carol S open talk – Episode 234

Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I’m sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Nebraska.

Upcoming topics include some slogans. What is your favorite slogan? Or, maybe more importantly, what is the slogan that you use almost every day? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Making a Decision – Episode 233

Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us?

I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, and 2017 for these questions about making a decision.

  • Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  • How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
  • How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
  • Am I willing to turn my problems over? What could help me be willing?
  • How can I stop thinking, trying, and considering, and actually make a decision?
  • Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
    If I am unable to make a decision, what holds me back?

How would you answer these questions? Share your responses so we can read them in a future episode.

Upcoming are two more parent episodes. For one episode, please share your experience, strength, and hope about being the parent of an alcoholic or addict.  For the other, how has recovery changed the way you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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The Sober Parent – Episode 232

Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you?

  • What challenges do you face as the sober parent?
    • Keeping your children safe
    • Making decisions about how to parent. What happens when you disagree?
    • Taking everything on.
    • Anger, rage and anxiety.
    • “Parenting” your spouse?
    • Jealousy/resentment of the “fun parent.”
    • Attributing all “problems” to alcoholism.
    • Decision-making.
    • Not know what “normal” is.  Or what “healthy” is.
    • Trying to parent together when you don’t feel strong in your marriage… or when its actually breaking/broken.
    • Protecting anonymity while being honest on medical and education paperwork for my children
    • Traveling for work and setting expectations for care of our kids knowing I really have no control over whether or not my wishes/expectations are upheld
    • Not having control. Allowing kids to ride in the car or even just be at home alone with the alcoholic parent.
  • How did you react to these before recovery?
    • Resentment – LOTS
    • Snide, snarky comments to spouse, spitefulness
    • Anger, particularly misdirected anger
    • Guilt and self-loathing
    • Exhaustion
    • Apathy
    • Depression
    • All or nothing attitude/perspective
    • Relentless pursuit of “agreement” or seeing my viewpoint
    • Lack of trust
  • How has recovery changed the way in which you face these challenges?
    • Living one day/one hour/one minute at a time.
    • Setting boundaries
    • Focus on myself… self-care, self-inventory, stay in my hula hoop
    • Crazy thought train doesn’t stay as long
    • Awareness of my anxiety and anger
    • Learning to pause.
    • Not as hard on myself
    • I don’t always feel compelled to make decisions right away
    • I’m learning to let go of outcomes
    • I’m learning the difference between true issues/problems and simply unmet expectations
    • I apply program to my actions on a daily basis (first things first, how important is it, HALT, etc.)
  • What is a typical day like now?
    • More loving behavior with my spouse.
    • More patience
    • Make amends to my kids whenever necessary
    • I hear from my Higher Power through my children
    • More loving and accepting of myself and more compassionate toward my spouse, which creates a more peaceful environment
    • Imperfect – some days i feel like i’m right back where i started, but that doesn’t last as long
  • How do you face the fears and worries that you have for your children?
    • How do my children see me? My spouse?
    • How can I be the parent my children need? The parent they want?
    • How can I not transmit my resentment and anger at my spouse to my children?
    • But: fear of what’s to come in my children’s lives.
  • What tools do I want to give to my children?
    • “Pause”
    • God Box  (kind words, deep breaths)
    • Acceptance of their emotions
    • A parent who is approachable and thoughtfully responds rather than reacts

Upcoming topics include parenting an alcoholic/addict child, and how recovery has changed the way in which you are a parent. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Begin in Stillness – Episode 231

Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come.

  • What do you want to let go of from the last year?
    • Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, or crumple it up and throw it in the trash.)
    • You don’t need to share this with anyone. It is just for you.
    • As you destroy it, feel yourself letting go of the anger, the fear, the anxiety, the resentment, the desperation, or the sorrow.
  • What aspirations do you have (for yourself) in the new year?
    • Write it down. Put it someplace you will re-encounter it throughout the year. Maybe in your wallet or purse, maybe tucked into the sandals you will wear when summer comes. Let it remind you, when you have forgotten all about it, what you wish for yourself.
    • What is the difference between an aspiration and a resolution? Why is this important?
  • What gift would you like to give to someone else for the coming year?
    • Try for a single word, a short phrase, or a picture.
    • Give it to someone else. Preferably a stranger, maybe someone you don’t even know who. Leave it in a library book. Tack it on a community bulletin board at a store. Be original.

Share your responses to these questions with us by email or voice.

Upcoming topics include parenting. From at least these 3 perspectives: Being the sober parent. Being the parent of an alcoholic or addict child. And how has recovery changed the way you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Continue reading “Begin in Stillness – Episode 231”