Gentleness – a meditation


“Little by little, one travels far.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien

Today, I had to walk several miles to get home. Though the task felt daunting, I realized that every step that I took was a step closer to my destination. I was patient with myself and took note of how I felt every step of the way. If I felt tired, I allowed myself a break. If I injured myself, I tended to the wound. If I got lost, I asked for guidance. Once I arrived home, I marveled at how pleasant the journey was because I did these things. With my journey in recovery, I realize that these same principles can apply. I will never be perfect. Instead, daily, I progress little by little. This journey is helped along when I stop and listen to myself to address my needs and, if needed, ask for guidance. Knowing this, I am more able to be gentle with myself, today.  Looking back on the little steps I have taken and the small increments in my growth since the I entered the program, I realize how far I have come already. And I am glad to have these tools as I take more steps forward in recovery.

A meditation for January 2, 2013.

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love – a meditation


Your task is not to seek for love, but to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it 


In the past, I have often felt unloved. Whether it be by my partner, my family, or my friends, I regularly felt that they did not appreciate and care for me. More recently, I reflected upon this resentment more thoroughly and realized that, in fact, I was not unloved. Rather, I did not receive the affection because it did not come in the form that I specifically wanted it to come in, at that moment. But then, I was often afraid to reach out and communicate my needs and wants because I did not want to feel rejected. To protect myself, I would regularly define “love” as those around me doing what I want without me having to communicate it to them. As we enter the new year, I am grateful now to have my friends, family, and partner in my life. With my change in attitude, I have realized that as I simply appreciate and accept them for who they are, I am more aware of and able to enjoy the love and joy that surrounds me in various forms.

A meditation for January 1, 2012.

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change – a meditation


“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”

– Caroline Burnett

As the new year is approaching, I looked back on my life for this past year. I realized that a great deal of the time, I looked to others – friends, family, partners, etc. – to save me and change my life for me. I used to think that in order for me to be the person that I wanted to be, I had change the people around me. As I had no control over others, I found myself become increasingly frustrated and further away from the person I wanted to be. Since I have been in recovery, I resort to this way of thinking less and less. Today, if I am unhappy or upset with a situation, I first try to find my part in it, look at my available options, and make a choice for myself as those are the things that I can control. I have learned that as I keep my focus on myself, I am able to change my own perspective and, in doing so, change my life. Nothing about my environment has changed since I have been in recovery, but, today, I am closer to the person that I want to be.

A meditation for December 31, 2012.

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Self-Awareness – a meditation


“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”

-African Proverb

I lose my peace and serenity generally when I am scared of losing control. I fear losing control because I am afraid that if I am not in control something bad will happen and I will be alone and suffer. But, now, in recovery, I can gently remind myself that I always have the company and support of my spiritual community and my Higher Power. I am only alone should I choose to be. As a result, I am able to be more self-aware and make decisions from a place inside of me that is filled with peace and love rather than from a place of denial, fear, and anger.

A meditation for Dec 30, 2012.

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Denial – Pilot Episode 4

What is denial? How did we experience denial in our lives? What tools have we found to combat it? How is our life better when we accept reality on its own terms? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest Erika discuss these questions and share our experience, strength, and hope on the topic of denial.

Spencer, Kelli and Erika discuss denial. We started with a reading that said, in part “Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minutes to the next. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devastated because reality didn’t go away just because it was ignored.”

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