Changes – Episode 47

Do you wish that things would just stay the same? Does change freak you out? Maybe you get depressed when live today isn’t the same as yesterday. If you identify with these feelings, stick around. Today, I’m going to talk about changes.

There is a big change for the Recovery Show: Kelli and Swetha have decided, for personal reasons, that they can no longer participate in the show. In this episode Spencer reflects on how this change affected him, and how he is using the program to work through it. Here is his rough outline for the show

  • Awareness: What happened? How I felt? What I did?
    • “Change is a process … becoming aware is the first stage of this process.” (How Al-Anon Works, p. 23)
  • Fear of change and uncertainty. What about just giving up?
  • Acceptance:
    • “being willing to feel the feels, and if I can't bring myself to do the next right thing, at least trying to refrain from doing the next wrong thing” (from a friend via Facebook)
    • “Change, even wonderful, positive change, involves some grief for the old … life” (HAW p. 88)
    • Working the steps: 1 … 2 & 3 … 4 & 5 … 6 & 7
    • Gratitude — for what was — and that I can keep on moving forward.
    • Serenity prayer!
    • Reading from Bless the Imperfect.
  • Action
    • Sermon this morning: “What is the love story we tell that keeps us going?”
    • Where are we going?
    • I am committed to continuing the podcast.
    • I will be drawing on the local recovery community for guests and maybe, ultimately, new co-hosts.
    • It will be different. I fear not as good, and I hope to grow into something better (just as we would have continued to do.)
    • Your contributions are valuable, perhaps more now than ever.
  • Thank you to all who have contributed, and special thanks to those who sent prayers for me this week.

Our topic for next week is Step 10. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Days of Wine and Roses roundtable – Episode 46

We watched the movie Days of Wine and Roses with our friends Mark and Anna from the Recovered podcast. And then we sat down around a table and talked about it.

If you have not seen the movie, you may want to read the plot summaries at IMDB. You can also rent it from Amazon Instant Video
or iTunes Movies.

In our discussion, we addressed most of these questions:

  • How do you feel this movie related to your experience?
  • In what ways did you feel that this movie was true to life? In what ways did it feel false or contrived?
  • Was the focus of the movie on the alcoholic/addict experience or codependent experience?
  • What myths about alcoholism in the 1960s does the movie try to dispel?
  • What aspects of alcoholism that is portrayed in the film are still true today?
  • What are your feelings about the way sponsorship was portrayed?
  • Who needed alanon?
  • What messages did you get from this movie about codependecy? Did it equate codependency with love? Did it portray codependency as something that caused unhappiness?
  • Did the movie show the alcoholic/addict as the cause for the unhappiness of the codependent? How did you feel about that?
  • What about the codependent experience in the movie would you have liked to greater detail on and why?
  • Who are the codependents and who are the alcoholics?
  • Is the movie hopeful?

 

Our topic for next week is Step 10, which states “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.” We have some thought questions for your consideration: Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment? Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory?  How do you feel about admitting your wrongs?  What exactly does this step mean by “promptly”?  Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends?  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Chaos – Episode 45

ChaosWhy do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos.

Spencer, Kelli and our guest Wendy share our experience, strength and hope as prompted by these questions.

What do we mean by “chaos”?
How has your life been chaotic? Before coming to the program? After coming to the program?
What is your reaction or response to chaos? Before the program? Now?
Why do we, as co-dependents, sometimes create chaos?
Why do the alcoholics and addicts create chaos?
What feelings does chaos elicit in you? How did it feel in the past?
How can we find serenity in the midst of chaos?
Which steps particularly apply / are helpful?
Which Al-Anon slogans and other tools can help?
Thoughts about living with chaos in the upcoming holidays?

Next week, we will be participating in a “movie review roundtable” with the Recovered podcast. We will watch, then review one of the movies Trainspotting or Days of Wine and Roses. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. We plan to start recording live at 4PM EDT (2000 GMT), Saturday October 12, 2013.
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Setting Boundaries without Controlling – Episode 44

Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Does it feel like you are trying to control someone else when you set a boundary? Does your loved one accuse you of trying to control them? Do you have trouble following through with appropriate consequences when your boundaries are violated? Then today’s show is for you. We’re going to talk about setting boundaries without controlling.

Kelli, Spencer, and special guest Jonah shared our experience guided by these questions:

  • What is your understanding of the concept of “boundary”? Why do we want/ need to set boundaries in the first place?
  • Before you came into the program, how did you try to “protect yourself” from others’ actions?
  • How do you determine if your words/ actions are controlling?
    • What is my motivation? Am I trying to protect my own emotional, spiritual, mental or physical serenity or safety? Or am I trying to tell the other person's what to do (or not do)?
    • How am I saying it? Am I setting limits on what I will accept, or am I trying to “cause” a particular outcome? Are my statements “I centered” or “you centered”?
    • How am I specifying the boundary? Is it something that the other person can “see”, or would they have to “read my mind”?
    • Have I set consequences that I can enforce? that I will be willing to enforce?
  • Do you have an experience of your attempt to set boundaries when that was received as controlling?
  • Why is it important to you to set boundaries?

Our topic for next week is Chaos. Why do we (codependents ) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

We plan to start recording episode 45 at 9:30AM EDT (1330 GMT) on Saturday, October 12. Join us by clicking on “Listen Live” at the top of the page.

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The 3 A’s – Awareness, Acceptance, Action – Episode 43

Do you think you have to fix something as soon as you become aware of it? Do you find yourself springing into action even before you know what the problem is? Is it difficult to know if you've fully accepted something as a cue to take action?  Join Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli as we talk about “the 3 A's”, which are awareness, acceptance, and action.

We try to address these questions in our discussion.

  • Briefly, what is your initial definition of the 3 A’s–how do they work for you?
  • Do you think it’s important to work the 3 A’s in the order they were written? Why?
  • Do the 3 A’s help to prevent you from taking “unnecessary” action?
  • Are there any other al-anon tools that, for you, get grouped into the 3 A’s (patience, pause button, meditation, staying in the moment, etc?)
  • Do the 3 A’s have anything to do with faith?
  • Is it possible to know exactly when you have reached acceptance and can move into action?

Mark, in the chat room, contributed a 4th “A”: anxiety. We are all in for the 4 A's: “Anxiety, Awareness, Acceptance, Action”.

Our topic for next week is setting boundaries without controlling. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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