Expectations – Episode 6

We talk about expectations, how they can lead to resentment and disappointment, how we recognize them, and let go of them.


expectations

In this episode of The Recovery Show, Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer discuss expectations. Swetha wonders about the distinction between boundaries, expectations, and rules. She suggests that her boundaries are what she needs, her expectations are what she wants, and rules are an agreement about how people in a relationship will behave. Spencer notes that his expectations are frequently unexpressed – he expects others to read his mind, and to just somehow know what he expects them to do. Usually, people don’t meet his unstated expectations, leading to resentment. Kelli feels that boundaries are about things “in her hula hoop”, and expectations are “outside her hula hoop”. Kelli relates the question to the Al-Anon Steps, Traditions and Concepts.

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Choices – Episode 5

Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery? Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss our experience, strength, and hope about finding and making choices in our lives, before and after we found recovery.

Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about choices. In the past, we did not understand that we had choices. Much of the time, we felt that there was no choice. We may have thought that any decision must be black and white, good and bad, or that we must make a decision right away. Much of the time, we felt constrained by the decisions made by others, such as our parents. Spencer talks about making decisions such as what house to buy, where to go to school, with very little thought. He relates that, when he was early in Al-Anon, that he was told that he did not have to make a choice immediately, that he could wait. Swetha talks about feeling that any choice must be a permanent choice, that if she chose chocolate ice cream one day, she was committed to chocolate forever. When Kelli began to understand that she had choices, she found the idea scary.

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Denial – Pilot Episode 4

What is denial? How did we experience denial in our lives? What tools have we found to combat it? How is our life better when we accept reality on its own terms? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest Erika discuss these questions and share our experience, strength, and hope on the topic of denial.

Spencer, Kelli and Erika discuss denial. We started with a reading that said, in part “Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minutes to the next. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devastated because reality didn’t go away just because it was ignored.”

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Acceptance – Pilot episode 3

Kelli leads a discussion with Swetha and Spencer about acceptance. Kelli opened with a reading that begins “It is said that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional …” She speaks of her previous belief that accepting something meant thinking that it was right. She has grown into an attitude of patience, acceptance, and tolerance for people in her life. Acceptance is very important to her when she is driving, which she does for her job. Swetha used to ignore or deny behavior that she didn’t believe were how they should be, and feared that acceptance would make things real and ok. She has learned that she can accept someone’s behavior as real without approving of it. Spencer also used to feel that acceptance meant approval, but now accepting reality lets him find the ways in which he can make his life easier and more serene.

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Powerlessness – Pilot episode 2

[Powerlessness over the sunrise]

Swetha leads a discussion of powerlessness. We talk about how we understood it (or didn’t) before coming to the program and how we understand it now.  Each of us discusses situations in which we feel powerlessness and how we recognize it. Kelli says that sometimes recognizing powerlessness can give her power. How can that work? Listen and find out.

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