Please, God, let me be small and useful.
Today, I had an extremely busy day filled with presentations and meetings where I was the point person. Instinctively, I felt myself get anxious and, alas, start to lose my serenity. Thankfully, because of my work with the program, I was able to recognize it early on. I realized that with all the work, I started feeling like I had to make everything go smoothly and I had to make sure everyone was doing what I thought they needed to do, etc. And so I stopped everything, stepped outside, and prayed to my Higher Power to help me be “small and useful.” When afraid, I, often, find myself growing a bit too big for my britches and trying to take on the role of other people's Higher Power – especially when I feel something is important. I try to control other people or enable others through my codependent behavior. In those cases, it helps me to take a moment to meditate on and to remember to honor my Higher Power's will by trying to be small and useful to those around me, rather than large and manipulative.
A meditation for December 10, 2012
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Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha discuss boundaries. We all agreed that before coming into the program that we pretty much did not set boundaries, for fear that others would not respect them. Instead we got angry about violations of unstated boundaries and carried those resentments. When we heard talk of boundaries in meetings, we didn't understand how we could make them work. Swetha states “I thought they were something that other people could do, but not me.” We found ways to set healthy boundaries on our own behavior and how we deal with others' unacceptable behavior. We also found it valuable to understand where “we” end and “others” begin, because some of us felt that we were responsible for and had to control everything around us. Boundaries help us to have relationships with “problem” people in our lives, and to keep the focus on ourselves.
This is very definitely a pilot episode. It includes only our discussion of the topic, and has none of the features we intend to eventually include. The recording was done with minimal equipment, but the sound quality is reasonably good despite that. Spencer's voice at the beginning is really loud so turn down your headphone volume before you start playing it.
The topic for our next pilot episode is Powerlessness. We would love to hear your thoughts or questions on this topic. We plan to incorporate listener input into each episode as appropriate. Use the phone number in the upper right of your screen to leave a voice mail, or send us email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Forgive us that often we forgive ourselves so easily and others so hardly;
Forgive us that we expect perfection from those to whom we show none;
Forgive us for repelling people by the way we set a good example;
Forgive us the folly of trying to improve a friend;
Forbid that we should use our little idea of goodness as a spear to wound those who are different;
Forbid that we should feel superior to others when we are only more shielded;
And may we encourage the secret struggle of every person.
— Vivian Pomeroy
A meditation for December 9, 2012.
As our friend Mark announced in episode 391 of Recovered, we are still in the planning phase for the actual podcast. We'd love to hear from you. What would you like to hear and see in an “Al-Anon” themed podcast? Continue reading to learn how you can contribute.
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