Choices – Episode 5

Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery? Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss our experience, strength, and hope about finding and making choices in our lives, before and after we found recovery.

Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about choices. In the past, we did not understand that we had choices. Much of the time, we felt that there was no choice. We may have thought that any decision must be black and white, good and bad, or that we must make a decision right away. Much of the time, we felt constrained by the decisions made by others, such as our parents. Spencer talks about making decisions such as what house to buy, where to go to school, with very little thought. He relates that, when he was early in Al-Anon, that he was told that he did not have to make a choice immediately, that he could wait. Swetha talks about feeling that any choice must be a permanent choice, that if she chose chocolate ice cream one day, she was committed to chocolate forever. When Kelli began to understand that she had choices, she found the idea scary.

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Denial – Pilot Episode 4

What is denial? How did we experience denial in our lives? What tools have we found to combat it? How is our life better when we accept reality on its own terms? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest Erika discuss these questions and share our experience, strength, and hope on the topic of denial.

Spencer, Kelli and Erika discuss denial. We started with a reading that said, in part “Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minutes to the next. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devastated because reality didn’t go away just because it was ignored.”

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peace – a meditation

peace at sunset

 

 

 

 

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

– Lao Tzu

 

 

 

I am struggling right now with living in the future. The health of someone I love very much is declining rapidly and visibly. I see this person only a few times a year, and the difference between the last visit, in the fall, and this visit is startling and frightening. I can only envision this path continuing downhill to death, and I am frightened and angry at that prospect. Sharing my fear at a meeting has helped to lessen the anxiety, but it is still there. I know that death is inevitable, and I pray for acceptance of that fact. Perhaps more importantly, I must pray that I am ready when it does come. Only through acceptance and the help of my Higher Power can I return to living in the present. Only then will I again be at peace.

A meditation for December 27, 2012.

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a bird sings – a meditation

fly, bird!

 

 

“A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.”

– Maya Angelou

 

I am reminded that I don’t always have to have an answer for the questions in my life. There are times when I must just sit with my questions, awaiting the knowledge of my Higher Power’s will for me. But that does not stop me from singing my feelings, whether they are happy or sad. Like a bird, my song expresses my self, not my answers.

A meditation for December 26, 2012.

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so may we – a meditation

so may we with heart that sings

 

… so may we when life turns hard find in love our stay and guard.

… so may we this happy morn honor every child that’s born.

… so may we our gifts bestow, whether we be high or low.

… So may we, with heart that sings, share the truth this season brings.

Once in Royal David’s City

The lyric “… so may we when life turns hard find in love our stay and guard” captures, for me, the fellowship of our program. I am sustained by the love of my fellow Al-Anon members. In our closing, we say “you will come to love us in a very special way, the same way we already love you.” It is that selfless, unconditional love that I get and I give that provides me the strength and courage to be honest and open with you all. It is that love that supports me in healing. It is that love that keeps me coming back. “So may we, with heart that sings, share the truth this season brings.” In Al-Anon, we can continue to share the truth, and to sing in our hearts all year round.

A meditation for December 25, 2012.

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