Why are boundaries important to me right now? How am I setting and keeping healthy boundaries, today?
A couple of listeners shared their experience of boundaries. Spencer's discussion is guided by this outline.
- How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 11 Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness has a section titled Personal Boundaries.
- “… many of us find it difficult even to begin [to focus on ourselves] because we have lost track of the separation between ourselves and others.”
- “Enmeshed” best describes my relationship with my loved one before Al-Anon
- I didn’t understand where I stopped and someone else began, so naturally I tried to take responsibility for everything.
- Discovering boundaries: internal and external
- Internal: “this is mine, that is not mine” (also the “hula hoop” concept)
- Serenity prayer is a big help here.
- External: limits I set on my behavior and limits I set on what I will tolerate
- I will make sure I get enough rest, despite how late anyone else wants to stay up.
- I reserve the right to remove myself from uncomfortable situations
- I won’t give you more than I am comfortable giving
- Not exactly a slogan: “Givers need to set boundaries because takers have none.”
- Why are boundaries important now?
- At home with my wife (and dog) 24-7.
- Both of us are working — we both need to respect our work hours.
- Outside the home: honor distancing guidelines (boundary on my own behavior)
- Respect others’ desires
- How do I respond when others are not honoring my boundaries (distancing)?
Readings and Links
We read from Hope for Today, November 6; Courage to Change, July 19, and How Al-Anon Works, pages 267-269
Feedback
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Love your show… this one hits home a lot. Where are the songs from this episode?
Hi, Lisa. I did not select songs for this episode. That happens sometimes.
-Spencer
I stumbled upon the podcast and its been remarkably healing and helpful.
I grew up with a parent who drank and then luckily found and stuck to sobriety. However as a child I still felt like I was parenting them and am only now hearing of the concept of a dry drunk. Im hoping to dig deeper with this concept.
Now as an adult, my sibling has gone down a dark path of alcohol, gambling, and other suspected addictions. My parents want me to “be nicer” to my sibling and asked me “why I dont help him more…” Boundaries….and the best line I learned from this show “No…is a complete sentence.”
I had chest pain, panic attacks, nightmares and sleeplessness because of my sibling…it was taking all the joy out of my life and consumed me until I started to understand, that I cannot control his behavior. It was a pivotal moment and I credit your show with starting me on my path. Thank you.