Why are boundaries important to me right now? How am I setting and keeping healthy boundaries, today?

A couple of listeners shared their experience of boundaries. Spencer's discussion is guided by this outline.

• How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 11 Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness has a section titled Personal Boundaries.
  • “… many of us find it difficult even to begin [to focus on ourselves] because we have lost track of the separation between ourselves and others.”
  • “Enmeshed” best describes my relationship with my loved one before Al-Anon 
• I didn’t understand where I stopped and someone else began, so naturally I tried to take responsibility for everything.
• Discovering boundaries: internal and external
• Internal: “this is mine, that is not mine” (also the “hula hoop” concept)
  • Serenity prayer is a big help here.
• External: limits I set on my behavior and limits I set on what I will tolerate
  • I will make sure I get enough rest, despite how late anyone else wants to stay up.
  • I reserve the right to remove myself from uncomfortable situations
  • I won’t give you more than I am comfortable giving
  • Not exactly a slogan: “Givers need to set boundaries because takers have none.”
• Why are boundaries important now?
  • At home with my wife (and dog) 24-7.
  • Both of us are working — we both need to respect our work hours.
  • Outside the home: honor distancing guidelines (boundary on my own behavior)
  • Respect others’ desires
  • How do I respond when others are not honoring my boundaries (distancing)?

Readings and Links

We read from Hope for Today, November 6; Courage to Change, July 19, and How Al-Anon Works, pages 267-269

Feedback

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