Why are boundaries important to me right now? How am I setting and keeping healthy boundaries, today?
A couple of listeners shared their experience of boundaries. Spencer's discussion is guided by this outline.
- How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 11 Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness has a section titled Personal Boundaries.
- “… many of us find it difficult even to begin [to focus on ourselves] because we have lost track of the separation between ourselves and others.”
- “Enmeshed” best describes my relationship with my loved one before Al-Anon
- I didn’t understand where I stopped and someone else began, so naturally I tried to take responsibility for everything.
- Discovering boundaries: internal and external
- Internal: “this is mine, that is not mine” (also the “hula hoop” concept)
- Serenity prayer is a big help here.
- External: limits I set on my behavior and limits I set on what I will tolerate
- I will make sure I get enough rest, despite how late anyone else wants to stay up.
- I reserve the right to remove myself from uncomfortable situations
- I won’t give you more than I am comfortable giving
- Not exactly a slogan: “Givers need to set boundaries because takers have none.”
- Why are boundaries important now?
- At home with my wife (and dog) 24-7.
- Both of us are working — we both need to respect our work hours.
- Outside the home: honor distancing guidelines (boundary on my own behavior)
- Respect others’ desires
- How do I respond when others are not honoring my boundaries (distancing)?
Readings and Links
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