Tom grew up in a loving, chaotic family. As an adult, he found recovery for his alcoholism, but didn't know how to cope with the alcoholics around him. It wasn't until he decided that his sister needed Al-Anon, that he started attending regularly, and carrying the message back to her. Eventually, he started to see how he had been affected by this disease and continued working the program for himself.
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Readings
Tom read from
- Courage to Change, March 14, p. 74.
- How Al-Anon Works, pp. 45-46
He also mentioned the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, Blueprint for Progress.
Music from the show
Coldplay: Fix You
Paul Simon: Still Crazy after all these Years
I have no words for how profoundly Tom’s story resonates with me, and I want to thank him for sharing his ESH. While an alcoholic partner brought me to my program, I have a family of origin quite similar to Tom’s, and dealing with them is often the most challenging part of my life now. It’s SO hard! Thank you for discussing this topic.
Thank you Tom. It has taken me 30 years to finally see clearly my contribution to the chaos. Your story gives me clarity and causes me to flash back to so many relationships similar to you and your sister. I read so many codependency books, but used what I learned to “help” others. I went to CODA meetings and while comparing myself to them, I could not relate. I just thought these people need to get a grip. The lenses I used all day were “how can I fix this person or situation.” I saw myself as the responsible stand-in for God who had obviously gone to sleep on his/her watch. It has taken me years of sitting on a meditation cushion to “get it”. Great show, thank you both!