Fathers – Episode 117

IMG_0786.JPGFathers Day is a holiday that recognizes fathers and honors fatherhood. What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father yourself? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? Or to improve connections with our fathers?

In this episode, Spencer reflects on how his father affected his life, and on how he has been a father to his own children, while walking through the woods and fields behind his church.

 

 


IMG_0778.JPGUpcoming topics include worry and obsessive thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show

Eric Clapton: My Father’s Eyes

Harry Chapin: Cat’s in the Cradle

Lead Belly: Rock Island Line

 

 

5 thoughts on “Fathers – Episode 117”

  1. Stumbled on your podcast and website in my search for some resemblance of sanity in my life.

    I am an adult child of an alcoholic and father of an active addict, I am struggling with everything and tired of living in fear that my baby boy will live the rest of his life as a practicing addict. He is only 24 and for the last 8 years I’ve been afraid that he will never recover.

    There are no local programs that I can find so F2F meetings are challenging, thank you internet!

    I am looking for where to start. I grew up in the program but have apparently forgot everything. Listening to episode 70 tonight.

    Thx!

  2. Spencer– I love the meditation/prayer that you read for fathers. It was so gentle and all-inclusive. I was wondering if you have a written copy to upload here. If not, I will listen to the podcast and transcribe it. Thanks for all your work. Best-Natalie H

  3. =) and one more song I just remembered.

    Everclear – Father Of Mine

    This song really struck a cord with me when it came out in 1997. I used to blast it (on a cassette player!!! =), in my car and sing it as loud as I could. There’s a certain clarity and anx that matched how I’d felt for years but couldn’t put so beautifully. It was very cathartic for me. Growing up, my parents were the only ones who were divorced. In middle school a few friends parents had divorced but their dads were still involved in their lives and/or their mom’s remarried. So I literally was the only one with this story, so when I heard this song, it really effected me to hear a similar story to my own.

    In the song he knew his dad until he was 10 years old. My story is different, my dad left when I was a baby, then I met him twice – when I was 10 and 19 yrs old, so I have no memories of him.
    But the line “my daddy gave me a name and then he walked away” sure fit like a glove.

    “Father of mine,
    tell me what do you see?
    When you look back at
    your wasted life
    and you don’t see me?”
    For me, I remember being so baffled that my dad didn’t know how I laughed, sneezed, walked, ran. I wasn’t a mother myself yet, not even close, but I knew then that nothing could ever keep me apart from my children. I just didn’t get how he could go about his days not knowing anything about me.

    “sometimes you would
    send me a birthday card
    with a 5 dollar bill,
    yeah I never understood you then
    and I guess I never will.”

    Yup, to a T. My dad would send me cards telling me about the weather where he lived, what job he had at the time, never asked me any questions about my life. He didn’t give my mom child support, would just stick a few bucks in sometimes.

    “I will never be safe,
    I will never be sane,
    I will always be weird inside,
    I will always be lame.
    Now I’m a grown man
    with a child of my own
    and I swear I’m not gonna let him know
    all the pain I have known.”

    I struggled in my 20’s the most around this I think. I did as much self exploration and work as I could do growing up to heal as much as possible and I really did try to pick a guy to marry who I thought would be a good dad and never leave them.
    That combined with working my Al Anon program to the best of my ability, I am finding and creating safety and sanity within myself. I probably will always feel weird inside which I’m ok with =).

    I have a lot of gratitude for this song and that I found it when I did.
    Thanks for the episode, it was nice to hear your story, how you’ve evolved with your parenting and being reminded of this song!

    Thank you for all you do Spencer!

    Best,
    Carrie

    Everclear – Father Of Mine
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkcbxjWG9Mc

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