Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.
I used to use prayer as my judgment of God. At night, I would sit and explain to my Higher Power all the ways in which I felt that other people or circumstances were wrong or unhealthy or needed to change. Then I would proceed to tell my Higher Power exactly how these changes should occur in order to make life easiest for me. And I used to believe that if my prayers came true, then God loves me. Since I am not God and I don’t control God, my prayers did not often “come true.” Because of this, I felt angry, judged, hurt, scared, and abandoned by God.
After I came to the program, I realized that my form of prayer was really just me taking inventory of my world and then trying to command my Higher Power to fix what I felt was wrong or incorrect. Today, I try to accept the world and understand that it is as it is for a reason, and that whatever the reason, it is in my highest good. I remember, early on, that I used to pray to understand the reason, but now I realize that it is not about the reason or other people or external circumstances. It is about me and the reality that I create. So today, when I pray, I ask my Higher Power to help me create my reality in a way that is of service to my Higher Power, myself, and others. When I pray, I ask for guidance rather than give it; I ask for love, rather than judge; and I ask for the will of my Higher Power, rather than my own. Because of this, I feel peace.
A meditation for September 6, 2013.
When You Believe – Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston