You carry a basket full of bread, yet
you beg for crumbs from door to door.
You are up to your knees in water, yet
you beg for a drink from everyone you see.
Why are you so blind and stubborn?
Beg at the door of your heart instead.
I am reminded by this poem that “true happiness comes from within”. Recently, I, deliberately and with not very much forethought, put my serenity into the hands of another person. And when that person didn't take care of my serenity in the way that I thought they should, my spiraled quickly downward and out of control. I had not asked that person whether they wanted my serenity, I had not asked them to take care of it. I just handed it over.
As I was telling a friend, who has long-term recovery, about this incident, she remarked, with the forthrightness of her program, “Of course. Your drug of choice is other people. You picked up.” She is a very wise woman. I had forgotten that I cannot look for fulfillment outside myself. Other people can enrich my life, but they can not be expected to satisfy my needs. As Rumi tells me, I am “blind and stubborn”, begging from others what I can find in my own heart.
Today, I can remember to look within.
A meditation for July 9, 2013.