Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.
I have always wanted to be healthy. I have always wanted to respond to hard times in a positive way. I have always wanted to grow spiritually. But I decided to wait until whatever difficult situation passes. “Not today. It’ll take so much effort today. I just don’t have time to deal with something difficult today.” That was my excuse every day.
Eventually, many days passed and nothing changed. Ironically, at times like this, I would then look back and think “if only I had done it back then, I’d be done with it by now. But I can’t today, because it’ll take so much effort today. I just don’t have time to deal with something difficult today.” I look back on it and laugh now, but I realize I always found the time to be angry, or worry, or take someone else’s inventory, but I could never find time to look at my own part in things and take the first step towards recovery.
The truth is, I was just afraid of the pain I’d have to deal with if I set a boundary or tried to become more self-aware or respond in a way that I felt was healthy. I was afraid of suffering. Being in a recovery program now, I am often reminded that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. And, when I finally got honest with myself, when I was behaving in those unhealthy ways, I was already suffering. But I was afraid to reach for something better for myself.
So, today, I am going to take a step that I was afraid to take yesterday – no excuses. And tomorrow, I might be in pain, but that, too, shall pass. And I shall be a step closer to the person I want to be.
A meditation for June 7, 2013.
One Step Closer – U2