Worrying doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles. It takes away today’s peace.
If worrying was an Olympic sport, I think I’d win gold every time. I often do everything I can in a situation and then when there is literally nothing else I can do, I worry. I start thinking of all the worst case scenarios and it triggers my fears. In all of these worst case scenarios, I end up alone, worthless, and unlovable. I engage in controlling behavior because that’s my defense mechanism, and I lose my serenity.
Just writing a general overview of how my mind works required a paragraph. In reality, this process of worrying takes up takes up more than a paragraph in my head. It takes up the space of books, of epic novels. I have found, however, I never lose my serenity, when I worry. I just lose sight of it. I bury it under all these other things because I make them a priority over my serenity. I just put piles and stack of my epic novels of worry on top of my serenity. When I see my serenity like this, I see how easy it is to get it back. I just turn over my worries to my Higher Power. I imagine myself taking each “book of worry” off the stack and putting it in my Higher Power’s hands. Then, when there is no more worry, I find that all I am left with is my Higher Power and my serenity.
A meditation for June 23, 2013.
Put Your Records On – Corinne Bailey Rae