The Recovery Show - 12 step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts.

Jennifer – Free from Obsession – 302

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Jennifer's adult son has been drinking alcoholically for his entire adult life, some 30 years. She wrote and offered to tell her story, where she is now living a wonderful life, free of the obsession to do something. She loves him, she is concerned about his well-being and health, but that doesn't consume her life any more.

Her son's alcoholism is so strong that he has been unwilling to seek or accept help. She still loves him, but has told him that he must live on his own, that she will not support him in his addiction. This meant that at times, he was homeless, living in the forest. She accepts (but doesn't like) that he must live with the consequences of his actions. She has given him the respect of letting him live his life, not the one she might have wanted for him.

Readings and Links

Jennifer read from Courage to Change, September 14, and Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, p. 15.

A listener asked about where I got the Mary Pearl workshop. I bought it from Lee's Tapes and CDs at an AA convention, and it is also available online at this link.

Only the last 300 episodes are available in your podcast app, but they are all available right here.

Feedback

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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Geneviève – Together we can make it – 301

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Geneviève started recovery at the age of 14 as a member of Alateen. There, she found a family she had never had. She didn't think she needed Alateen, but there was something there that called to her. Maybe at first it was just the community – the people who welcomed her and hugged her (although that was weird at first, too). After a couple years, she dived in whole heartedly.

But, when she turned 20, she was no longer a teen. And the Al-Anon members were all old. Comparing herself to them, she found so many differences. As she started to have friends who were getting pulled into addiction, she needed Al-Anon more and more. It was a “parents meeting” that helped her the most at this time. She started to identify with others and felt included.

Of course, as a young adult who found so much in Alateen, she is giving back to Alateen as an AMIAS (Al-Anon member in service to Alateen).

In our conversation, we discuss differences between Alateen and Al-Anon, and also how they are similar. She describes the life-changing experience of Alateen weekend conventions. And we are sad about how few Alateen meetings there are.

Readings and Links

Geneviève opened with a reading from the daily reader Hope for Today, page 105 (April 14).

Upcoming

Next week we will have a conversation with an Al-Anon member, where she will share her experience with the 25 year descent of an adult child refusing treatment and development of mental illness. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
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What you found here – 300

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The Recovery Show has reached the grand age of 300 … episodes. Or, if you prefer, over 6 1/2 years. I asked you to tell me what you found here, what brought you here, what keeps you coming back. And about 30 of you answered, with only about 2 weeks notice!

So, what did you find here? What are you saying in this episode 300?

You found voices speaking your experience. Voices expressing feelings you didn't know you had. Voices that opened corners of your mind you had forgotten were there. Voices of other people who have been where you are, and got through.

You found a moment of calm in the midst of a chaotic day. You found an escape from the unmanageability of your life, if only for an hour. You found ideas, concepts, slogans, quotes, and other tools that you could use today, that you could bring to bear on the problems you have right now. You found friends that accompany you on your long commute, during your workout, or when you need some calm.

You found a deeper exploration of the Al-Anon principles, steps, traditions, and concepts. You heard examples of others using these in “all their affairs” to deal with every day problems, and also to live with / through / after the effects of alcoholism and addiction on your life.

Some of you found a way into the rooms and meetings of Al-Anon and other recovery programs. You came to believe that you could be helped, and you got over your reluctance and fear of walking into a meeting. You had some idea what might happen there and why you wanted it. Others have difficulty making it to meetings because of distance or obligations to family or work. You found here a “meeting between meetings”, a “meeting in your pocket.”

It is amazing to me that this show has reached so many of you, that it has touched you in so many ways, and for some, so deeply. I have found friends here — those who have participated as guest hosts and those who have called or written to share their experience, strength, and hope. I honestly could not keep on doing this without you, whether you know it or not.

In short, we have all found some measure of recovery here. I have, and so have you. Happy 300.
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How to Sabotage a Relationship – 299

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In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery.

Upcoming: our 300th episode

Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know! Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. To be included in episode 300, please do so before August 10, 2019.

Saying No — No is a complete sentence – 298

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Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”.

“No” is a boundary.
- Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and is not ours to do.
What’s the problem here?
- I feel I have to justify my “no” answer.
- I’m afraid you won’t like me if say “no”
- I’m afraid you will respond with anger or disappointment if I say “no”
- I feel like I’m being mean if I say “no”
- I feel like I “should” say “yes” but I don’t want to.
- I say “I don’t know” or “maybe” instead of “no.”
- I say “yes” but I mean “no.”
Do I also have a problem saying “yes”?
Do I have a problem committing, in general?
Why should I learn to say “no”, period?
- I don’t have an infinite store of time and energy.
- Some things are more important than others.
- I need to set and respect my own boundaries.
- I’m not comfortable / don’t agree with what you are asking me for / to do.
What is the difference between “no” and negativity?
Strength of “no”
- It is an affirmation of self.
- When I say “no”, it makes my “yes” stronger and more meaningful.
When to say no?
- When it keeps me true to my principles and values.
- When it protects me from being exploited.
- When it keeps me focused on my own goals.
- When it protects me from abuse.
- When I need the strength to change course.
- Try saying “yes” and “no” (in your head) and see how each one feels to you.
- Think about the consequences of saying “yes” (or “no”).
How can I say no nicely?
- “I’ll think about it” — but only if I really will think about it and get back with a “yes” or “no” — not just to put off saying “no”.
- Use softer language: “I’d prefer not to”
- At least say it calmly.
- “That’s really not my responsibility.”
How can I say “no” to myself? And when is it important to say no to myself?

Readings and Links

We read from Courage to Change, July 25 and April 13.

Eric mentioned the book Discovering Choices.

Web links we used as resources include these from Psychology Today: The Power of No, When, Why, and How to say No. From Huffington Post, The Art of Saying No. From Mindful.org, No Is A Complete Sentence.

We got some quotes from AZquotes.com.

Related topics from The Recovery Show include these episodes

Boundaries (103, 44)
Courage (220)
Choices (164, 5)
Fear (74, 187, 236)